Mistakes Men Make with Online Dating
Dec 31st
In a recent interview, I was asked about the top mistakes men make while looking for love online.
Truth be told, most men jump in looking for the new fresh face in the digital world. As a result, there’s a bit of an auction going on, where every man writes to the women who are brand new. What men don’t realize, is that they are in heavy competition. At times, women get overwhelmed when they receive 100 emails a day. Often they won’t write back to anyone.
My advice to the men to increase your chance of success while Internet dating: Write to women whose profiles are at least 3 weeks old. Chances are they will notice your email in their inbox and you’ll have a greater chance of receiving a reply.
As we enter a New Year, it’s always important to take inventory on what has and has not worked for you in your dating life. Listen to the radio interview and enjoy my dating advice.
Wishing you much joy and love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Relationship Advice – To Snoop, or Not to Snoop
Dec 30th
Recently, Ella wrote in for some relationship advice. She’s concerned that her boyfriend of two-months might have a roving cyber eye.
The two met on an online dating site and moved in together about a month ago. A few weeks ago, Ella took a peek at his laptop and under his web “history” she saw that he had revisited the online dating site which they met on. When she confronted him, her boyfriend said he had logged on to delete his profile, which could be true. He reassured her that she had nothing to worry about.
This week, she viewed his web browser’s history again from a few months ago. While cyber snooping, a pop up of a girl came on the screen with an option of rating her.
She’s perplexed as her boyfriend was the one who suggested taking down their profiles. She wants to know whether to confront him about the pop up ad, or leave it alone.
She asks, “Is there a problem? Or is the history and ads the issue? What should I do?
My answer to Ella is as follows:
Dear Ella,
Seek and you shall find. What are you doing cyber snooping on his computer anyway? If you trust him and the history is not recent, let it go and focus on the relationship. Even if he notices other women, he’s a guy. It’s normal. It doesn’t mean he wants to break up. It doesn’t mean he wants to have sex with other women.
He asked you for a commitment and offered to retire his online dating profile. If he thinks you’re going to question him and interrogate him on his past digital history, he might decide you aren’t the woman for him. Take a break from snooping and focus on your relationship. A man loves a confident and secure woman. Not one who raises suspicions on a regular basis and who he can’t trust leaving his computer in the same room with.
Enjoy your time together and focus on your romance.
Julie Spira
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira? Send your requests to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Top 10 of 2010 – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
Dec 29th
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
To remember 2010, we are pleased to share the best and highest rated show segments on Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio Show during the calendar year.
All I can say is WOW! It’s been an amazing year filled with dating advice to help you while looking for love online. Over 37,000 loyal fans listened to the program, where we talked about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Here’s our Top 10 list for the year for your listening pleasure.
1. The Frisky - Amelia McDonnell-Parry, editor-in-chief
2. Cupid’s Coach – Julie Ferman, founder
3. Liar Liar List – Beth Greenfield, founder
4. David Wygant - Dating Expert
5. Your Tango – Tom Miller, General Manager and columnist, Tomfoolery
6. OkCupid – Sam Yagan, CEO
7. Match.com – Whitney Casey, Relationship Insider
8. Senior People Meet – Dr. Terri L. Ohrbuch, The Love Doctor
9. People Media – Josh Meyers
10. Weopia – Dave Wilkie
The 2010 year also included well respected relationship authors and dating experts Andrea Syrtash, Lori Gottlieb, Dr. Carole Lieberman, Alix Strauss, Marie Forleo, Tina Tessina, Debra Berndt, Kristen McGuinness, Paige Parker, Dr. Diana Kirschner, Deb and Liv from Flirtexting, Cougar Expert Lucia, Carrie Seim, and Don’t Date Him Girl’s Tasha Cuningham.
We featured online dating sites and dating advice sites including Cosmopolitan – Ky Henderson, eLove – Paul Falzone, eHarmony – Dr. Gian Gonzaga, The Wing Girls – Jet and Star, Brainiac Dating – Lawrence Chernin, Cupidtino – Mel Sampat, Perfect Match – Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Speed Date – Dan Abelon, Single Edition – Sherri Langburt, True – Herb Vest, Scientific Match – Eric Holzle, Opposites Connect – Larry Wilson, Meetcha – Jeff Taylor, and SKOUT Mobile Dating – Christian Wiklund.
A special mention goes to this year’s launch of the new digital dating cards with Lori Cheek from Cheekd and Rachel DeAlto from FlipMe Dating. It was an honor to feature Harvard Professor Michael I. Norton on the subject of virtual dating.
All of the programs can be heard at blogtalkradio.com/cyberdatingexpert
We’ll resume again in 2011 and look forward to hearing more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Show segments:
1. The Frisky
2. Cupid’s Coach
3. Liar Liar List
4. David Wygant
5. YourTango
6. OkCupid
7. Match.com
8. Senior People Meet
9. People Media
10. Weopia
The Perils of CyberDating and Online Dating Background Checks
Dec 22nd
At least once a month I am contacted by someone in the media to talk about online dating safety. It’s a hot-button for me and I spend an inordinate amount of time making sure that singles are safely looking for love online.
Over the weekend, The New York Times posted an article about the latest background check services available for online daters. The piece, written by Stephanie Rosenbloom, New Online-Date Detectives Can Unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, discussed a variety of services have popped up on the Internet to check out your date before you mate, or even before you click reply to his or her latest email.
Sites such as MyMatchChecker.com, ValiMate, Date Check make it easier to check out your date during the courting stages. One should realize that these services are not limited to online dating. You should use the same common sense methods for offline dating. The bottom line is, you should trust your intuition and take your time.
Still, the question is being asked of me on Twitter daily since the Times piece and subsequent follow up article on Forbes.com, The Perils of Online Dating and Talking About Broken Marriages with the New York Times posted by Kashmir Hill.
There’s a reason my book is titled, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. As a smart woman and successful Internet executive during the dotcom days, I was too busy to check out the man I married and later divorced. Had I done a background check on him, I would not have married him. It was time to turn lemons into lemonade and pay it forward.
So here is my take on To Check, or Not to Check your date out thoroughly in advance.
1. Do a simple Google search, but don’t discuss it on your first date.
2. Use your intuition and see if his or her stories add up. Do they work where they say they do? Do the communications via email and phone match up to who you believe you are scheduled to meet? If not, take a pass. There will always be another email in your inbox.
3. Go ahead and search if you must, but remember, not all of the information is always accurate.
4. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Everyone is bound to have something that doesn’t check out well. Perhaps he or she has bad credit due to the economy or a recent divorce. There’s no need to toss them out just yet if that is the case, but if you see a series of lawsuits piled up under his or her name, you might have reason to be concerned.
More women are in favor of doing a background check in advance of a first date to make sure he isn’t “Married,” or “Separated, Divorce Pending.” Finding out your date is a felon is something you must know, but worrying that each date could be with a felon will actually be counter-productive to your dating process.
Most men are worrying that the woman won’t look like her photos. Yes, men are visual. It’s at the top of their list.
As far as online dating sites being required to have a background search on each member, I am in favor of them providing the option for each member to do a background search from an outside company. My big concern is that if the information isn’t accurate, someone will blame the Internet dating site and more lawsuits will arise. I do believe each site should have an advice section on online dating safety. Whether commonsense or not, when it comes to matters of the heart, all bets are usually off when love and chemistry are involved. Better safe, than sorry.
I have contributed to the following online dating safety articles to help you feel safe at home, or at least on that first date. Feel free to read and comment.
ABC News – Should Online Dating Sites Be Required to Do Background Checks?
CBS News – Find Love Online This Valentine’s Day
CNET – Find Love Online This Valentine’s Day–Safely
Cyber-Dating Expert – 5 Online Dating Safety Tips
Cyber-Dating Expert - Tyra Banks on Online Dating
Cyber-Dating Expert – Cyberdating Safety Tips
eHow – Cyber Dating Safety
Examiner – How Safe is Your Date?
FOX News – Cyber Dating Safety
Genconnect TV – Online Dating Safety Tips (Vide0)
Huffington Post – Online Dater Convicted of Assault
Huffington Post - To Sext, or Not to Sext
John Tesh - Criminals Could Be on the Dating Websites You Join
PC World – How to Scope Someone Out Online
Sympatico.ca – How to Spot a Cyber Player
Sympatico.ca – Protect Yourself Against Cyber Dating Scams
The Smart and Pretty - The Perils of Cyber-Dating and How to Avoid Them
WPIX – Cyberdating Safety (Video)
Your Tango – 7 Signs He’s Dating You For Your Money
Weekly Flirt – Holiday Joy
Dec 22nd
Click here and let the flirting begin>>>
Cyber Love Story of the Week – Rosalie and Jeff
Dec 17th
After failing to find Mr. Right during her 6-month dating spree on Match.com, Rosalie decided to give online dating one last shot.
When Rosalie received an email from Jeff, who advertised in his online dating profile that “It’s nice to know a cop,” she immediately thought the worst and assumed that police officers beat their wives. Three days later, she agreed to meet Jeff for a drink which started their courtship. After their first date, they began to see each other every other weekend.
Jeff won brownie points after buying Rosalie’s daughter her first designer purse. The following year, Rosalie and Jeff became engaged. The two just celebrated their 6th year anniversary. Together they enjoy quiet evenings at home with their four pint-size dogs.
The happy family can be viewed above, along with Rosalie’s daughter Erika at her recent graduation.
Congratulations to Rosalie and Jeff who prove you shouldn’t make assumptions before putting that date on the calendar.
Dating in a Facebook World
Dec 16th
This week Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg was named “Person of the Year” by TIME magazine. It doesn’t come as a surprise to many after his recent appearance on 60 Minutes as well as the success at the box office for The Social Network.
Whether you like or dislike Zuckerberg as the selection this year is not the issue. If you’re single and dating, you need to give Facebook a shot as you cast a wider romance net. If you’re already logging onto Facebook to post your recent photos and you have an online dating profile, there’s no reason not to combine your efforts.
On the day that TIME crowned Zuckerberg, I was asked by YourTango about how Facebook has changed the way we date. There are obvious pluses and minuses for Facebook daters.
Let’s start with the bad news first.
1. When you rely solely on email, texting, and social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, often your communication is unilateral. The object of your affection might not be checking their updates, so just like you shouldn’t sit by your phone waiting for his call, don’t stare at your personal computer or PDA waiting for a response. He or she just might be busy.
2. Breaking up has become too easy to do online. If you’re ending your relationship, do so in person, pick up the phone and have a conversation, or set up a SKYPE date to hear their voice. Otherwise you run the risk of being misunderstood if you send a text canceling your plans. Maybe you’re not feeling well. Maybe he thinks it’s over. Think before you press the send button.
3. Changing your Facebook relationship status to “Single” without discussing it with your significant other is a netiquette no-no. Nothing is worse than waking up to see comments on your Facebook wall about his latest rendezvous without you while you’re still looking forward to Saturday’s date with him. It really doesn’t have to be that complicated after all.
4. Falling in love on Facebook won’t work if you don’t take your relationship from online to offline. Don’t fall in love with someone from behind his or her keyboard. Its fun to flirt, use Facebook chat, text, and tweet, but you still need to meet.
Now for the good news.
1. People are indeed falling in love on Facebook. They are reconnecting with people from nursery school and summer camp, as well as forming relationships with people they meet in the real world. If your friends aren’t setting you up anymore, log on to Facebook and start chatting with some old friends.
2. Facebook is responsible for creating a fabulous social calendar. Receiving party invitations on Facebook is a great way to expand your social network. You should attend as many events that interest you that you can while you are single.
3. Facebook is the equivalent to the third largest country in the world, behind China and India. You have a large dating pool to pick from. It should go without saying, but make sure that someone is single before approaching them on Facebook. Don’t come on too strong or you might be looked at as a stalker.
4. Tired of old online dating profiles? On Facebook, singles are more likely to post a recent photo of a family reunion or party photos from the holidays. What you see can really mean what you get, and that’s good news for everyone on the world’s largest social network.
Have you started a romance on Facebook? If so, we’d love to hear your comments.
Julie Spira is a dating and relationship expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
Like her at facebook.com/rulesofnetiquette and facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert
Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira
‘Tis the Season to Breakup
Dec 13th
Put on your seatbelt now through Christmas Eve if you’re in a rocky relationship, as you may become one of the holiday statistics. It’s officially here. Breakup season has arrived. The Facebook breakup chart from David McClandess, which was released last month, spread like wildfire over the Internet. Based on a study of profile updates with the words “breaking up” and “breakup” it was proven that the two weeks leading up to Christmas show a peak for those bidding farewell to their current love interest.
Although couples were given ample time to prepare for holiday breakups, we were told that the period of December 11 – 24th would be a peak period for relationships to dissolve. Fortunately, Christmas day isn’t a popular day to say au revoir to your beau. The research on Facebook status updates was based on search words for “breakup” and “breaking up.
So why has breaking up become such a hot topic this holiday season? The time leading up to a major holiday or event for a couple can be very stressful. Along with birthday’s, Valentine’s Day, and anniversaries, the Christmas season is a time where you show the world that you are a couple. It also involves a financial investment, and with today’s economy, many singles aren’t willing to invest in an expensive gift if they know the relationship is about to run it’s course.
Unfortunately, breaking up has become a little too easy to do. Saying goodbye in an email, text, or changing your facebook status relationship change has become more popular for those who don’t want to get slapped in the face. Don’t be surprised if you find out your current love interest has reactivated their online dating profile in the coming weeks. Then again, sometimes it’s good to say, “Out with the old, in with the new.”
Cheekd Dating Cards – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Show
Dec 13th
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where Julie Spira spoke with Lori Cheek, founder of Cheek’d dating cards.
Cheekd flirting cards combines connecting with someone offline and engaging with them online. It’s a romantic way of meeting someone in real life with an online dating digital twist. Each deck has 43 sayings to pick from in a 50 card deck.
From “Act natural. We can get awkward later” to “Emotionally available” and “I couldn’t find a napkin” to “I just put all my drinks on your tab,” you’ll hear about which cards are the most popular in the deck.
Plus! We’ll be giving away 5 Free decks of cards with a one-month membership on our Facebook page. Like us at Facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert for more details.
Listen to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Holiday Dating Advice with Jared and Dean
Dec 11th
Listen to the Jared and Dean radio show where I was a featured guest talking about online dating and relationship advice for the holidays. Dean proudly admitted that his new irresistible online dating profile that we created live on the radio has resulted in him attracting a new girlfriend.
From gift giving dos and don’ts to holiday party etiquette, we covered it all on Words Cause Radio.
