Cyber Love Story – Elizabeth and Josh

Cyber Love Story of the Week - Elizabeth and Joshua

I often say that the best things in life are worth waiting for and that you need to be proactive about finding love, both online and offline.

In a heartwarming story, our friends at Match.com have just announced that brunette beauty Elizabeth Kitt, one of the hopefuls in The Bachelor, found love on their online dating site, after her two unsuccessful attempts on national television.

After having her heart broken in both The Bachelor and The Bachelor Pad, Elizabeth found herself alone in her apartment in Los Angeles. She finally decided to take matters into her own digital hands and signed up for a 6-month membership to Match.

“Starting off on Match.com was an immediate thrill,” said Elizabeth. She added,  “I decided to have fun with it and not take each date too seriously. When I got a message from someone who seemed interesting, I immediately set up a time to meet. I went on tons of dates in those 6 months!”

Towards the end of her 6-month subscription, Elizabeth received a message from a guy named Joshua that read, “In case you missed the first one.”  The note jumped out at her because she had, in fact, missed the first message.  After reading his online dating profile and looking at his photos, she sent him a message,  “Let’s meet up! Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”

Elizabeth enjoyed her first date conversation with Joshua.  At the end of the date he asked her how he could get a second date with her. She paused for a minute and asked him, “Well, how many dates have you been on from Match.com?” To her, surprise he told her that she was his very first online date.

When Elizabeth got home, she sent him a text with her dating advice that said, “You will get your second date with me as soon as you have gone on 5 first dates from Match.com. Joshua was up for the challenge and kept Elizabeth posted on the progress of each date.

Both Elizabeth and Joshua continued to date others, but realized after the 5-date challenge that they wanted to be together and had found their soul mates.

Congratulations to Elizabeth and Joshua, our Cyber Love Story of the Week who put their new relationship to the test and won with flying colors.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Summer Fashion Dos and Dont’s for Daters

We’re in the middle of summer now, but some singles are just starting to date again. Finding the right outfit to make that terrific first impression in your online dating profile or on a first date is really important.

Our friends at Match.com polled some of their members to find out what they prefer seeing their date wearing and I’m tossing in some of my fashion favorites for both men and women for the season.

Women

Do wear long hair in braids. It’s fun and flirty and not just for children anymore.

Don’t wear a low cut dress or top. There’s no need to show off your cleavage on a first date, unless you’re anxious to head to the bedroom.

Do wear white pants on a date. Take advantage of the clean feeling of bright white in the summer time.

Don’t wear flip flops. Men still like the look of a heel on a woman. Unless you’re taking a beach walk, wear a high-heeled open toe sandal.

Do wear a short skirt or dress. Short and sexy will never go out of style.

Men

Do wear khaki’s. It’s simple and conservative. You can’t go wrong with this look combined with a polo shirt.

Don’t wear a Hawaiian shirt. Bright patterns are distracting and out-of-style.

Do wear aviator sunglasses. Women find this look sexy on an outdoor date. Remember when you go inside, take them off so she can glance at your eyes.

Don’t wear a Speedo. Never ever wear a Speedo or she’ll speed out of there faster than you can imagine. Try wearing conservative swimsuit or shorts if you’re headed to the beach.

Do wear a vee neck tee shirt or cardian sweater. This casual look for the summer may make her eyes melt.

Do you have a favorite summer fashion look? Your comments and suggestions are always welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira for dating advice and like her at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Digital Dating – Tips for Long-Distance Love

Thinking about expanding your zip code or dusting off your passport while looking for love online? I can tell you from first-hand experience that you need to cast a wide net and brush up on your technology skills.  Mobile phone use and high speed Internet makes it so much easier than in the pre-Internet days where you spent a fortune in long-distance bills and time buying Hallmark cards. Now, a cute e-card, Skype, twitter, and facebook along with your smartphone should keep you digitally connected and happily-in-love.

In a recent interview in the Times-Union, A Modern Twist on Long-Distance Love, I talked about the use of Skype and texting to keep you connected to your loved ones.

Julie Spira, author of “The Perils of Cyber Dating,” says many people look at technology to enhance relationships. Whether you use Skype, iChat or text, technology makes it virtually impossible to be disconnected from the world.

Spira said people must still invest in the relationship, and that relationships held together over distance are big commitments.

Spira advises women to even put on that cute dress and lipstick, the same as they would do face to face.

But Spira cautions that relationships starting out as long distance have a longer honeymoon stage. “Sometimes long-distance relationships give the false illusion you are in a long-distance relationship, but it is a vacation relationship,” Spira said. “Time is so concentrated you only know vacation mode; it is a romantic fantasy.”

Spira said in vacation relationships, you often only see each other for a short period of time, so you usually stay at nice hotels, eat at expensive restaurants and leave the real world behind.

“You don’t talk about issues real couples face, like talking about paying bills and mold in the house,” Spira said. “Vacation couples often have trouble making the transition into real relationships when they move to the same city or household.”

If you feel you’re in a vacation relationship, Spira said to incorporate regular life into the relationship, find boundaries and how to manage them.

“Try and focus on reality and not just romance.”

Are you involved in a long-distance relationship? Are you using video chat on facebook or skype as part of your digital dating regime? Your comments are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me for dating advice on Twitter @JulieSpira, on facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and on Google+ gplus.to/juliespira

Cyber Love Song – Amy Winehouse, Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

For Music Monday, we’ve selected a song from Amy Winehouse to express our sadness on her recent death at the age of 27. In this rendition of Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow written by Carole King and Gerry Goffin, you’ll hear her melodic voice. RIP Amy as we honor you in our Cyber Love Song of the Week.

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Tammye and Scott

This week’s Cyber Love Story of the Week is one where I’m proud to share, as I’ve known Tammye for over a year. Find out how an online flirt, initiated by Tammye, followed by her cancelling the date, eventually led to a marriage proposal. Here’s the story of Tammye and Scott.

He Said:

I had been dating online for about a year. If there was no connection, I just moved on. Most profiles and pictures were a lie and I was ready to give up on the entire process. I have never been one to go to bars, so dating online was my only real option. I had put a 25 mile limit on my search radius. Somehow Tammye came up within that search. She sent me a flirt. Tammye was 25.9 miles away, although she was just outside my criteria, I was impressed by her profile. She was articulate and I liked that. I answered the flirt. We set up plans to meet for coffee. Tammye cancelled [I still swear that she said due to a spider bite on her face]. That was my final straw … I was done. I was frustrated with the whole online dating thing, but Tammye and I remained Facebook friends. I watched her posts and the events she attended, she captured my attention. In one of her posts, she mentioned Italian food, I told her about a great spot for real Sicilian lasagna, and Tammye said “All you have to do is ask”. The date was set, June 15^th at 6:30pm. She was late, one of my pet peeves. I ordered for her.  She texted me when she arrived in the parking lot and I went out to meet her. As I waited to greet her, in my mind I saw her float above the ground, wearing a long white dress [come to find out it was a short black & white polka dot one] it was as if I had known her all my life.

I knew the moment I saw her I had found the one, I proposed on December 30, 2010. She said ‘Yes’ ~ three times. I never want to be without her. We have everything in common. She is my life mate.

She Said:

In December of 2009, out of sheer frustration, I joined an online dating site. I had just set up my Facebook account and one of their sister sites was Zoosk. I was dutiful and filled out the questionnaire, trying to be thorough yet interesting. Just let me say, you have to go through a lot of frogs before you find you find your prince. Having deleted my way through a few dozen or so gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, there was only one man that stood out, Scott. I was very hesitant, but we made plans to meet for coffee. Call it a mid-life crisis, but at the time I was determined to experience all those things that I didn’t have time for or money for in the past. I had recently taken up Kick boxing lessons, and a few days prior to our meeting, I took a punch to the eye. A swollen, black-purple-and-blue eyeball never makes a good first impression, so I cancelled. Scott and I never rescheduled the coffee meet up, however we remained Facebook friends for 6 months. In May of 2010, having found out it was my birthday, Scott invited me to dinner. We made plans to meet once again. This time the date was kept. We have been inseparable ever since. He means absolutely everything to me.

Scott and I just celebrated our one year anniversary; we are engaged and will be wed in March 2012. You really can find love online!

Congratulations to Tammye and Scott, our Cyber Love Story of the Week.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Mobile Phone Etiquette for National Cell Phone Courtesy Month

You may have a high IQ and a smile that makes guys hearts melt, but what happens when your attachment to your mobile phone ranks higher on the totem pole than your date? As July marks National Cell Phone Courtesy Month, it’s time to pause and take notice on how discourteous we’ve become as we continue to spend the majority of our time attached to our smart phones.

According to the International Telecommunications Union, there are an estimated 5.3 billion mobile subscribers worldwide and the number is growing. In addition, 6.1 trillion SMS messages were sent in 2010. It’s no wonder with these numbers that cell phone etiquette, or in reality netiquette is on the decline.

So how does this enormous mobile phone usage affect matters of the heart?

In a recent survey on the relationship between cell phones and dating, social dating community Zoosk found out their members were extremely frustrated as they constantly competed with cell phones on a date. In short, daters are regularly breaking the rules of netiquette in a variety of ways with glancing at their cell phones during a date leading the list.

Alex Mehr, co-founder and co-CEO of Zoosk said,  ”We are surprised to hear that flagrantly reckless cell phone behavior has driven one third of singles to actually get up and excuse themselves from a date altogether. It’s our hope that singles follow proper cell phone etiquette to ensure that a mobile faux pas doesn’t ‘cell’ their date short.”

I’m personally not surprised in the least by their findings, as I’ve gone on record as saying, “Your mobile phone isn’t an accessory.” I believe that unless you’re expecting a call from the President of the United States or a kidney transplant, your should leave it in your purse or pocket while on a date.

So without further digital adieu, here are some of the results of Zoosk survey.

• 1/3 of singles say they left a date early, because the other person was too absorbed with their cell phone
• 86% of singles say, constantly glancing at a cell phone is the  most offensive mobile-related  behavior, worse than sending a text
• 51% of singles think taking a call on a date is offensive
• 25% of female Zooskers have dumped their guy in a text message, as compared to 15% of the men
• Only 25% of singles didn’t mind when their date was distracted by their cell phone
• 73% of singles do like hearing their date’s voice on their voicemail

At the end of the digital day, leave a voicemail message for your sweetheart and make sure they remain higher on the totem pole than your mobile device.

Do you have any mobile dating pet peeves? Comments and thoughts are welcome

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and coach and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com, like her at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert and follow her on twitter @JulieSpira

Reading Room – The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags [video]

We’ve just added The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags to the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room.

The book is a perfect beach bag read and is filled with “Big Red Flag” stories, both from the authors and from readers of their blog, Big Red Flags. In addition, you’ll find a list of Top 10 red flags at the end of each chapter. For anyone who has ever had a bad date or stayed in a relationship too long knowing  something  just wasn’t right, this book is for you. You’ll relate to the authors’ stories and laugh along the way.

I had the opportunity to meet with two of the authors Natasha Burton and Meagan McCrary to find out what inspired them to write this book and to find out their favorite Big Red Flag stories.

For more books in our reading room and dating advice, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and like us at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Peril of the Week – Facebook Love Affair Ends with a Lawsuit

In the category of Peril of the Week, this week’s news story of the Michigan woman who met her online boyfriend while playing Mafia Wars on Facebook makes it to the top of the list and on the court docket.

According to the Seattle Times, 50-year old Cheryl Gray, who initially claimed to be 42, claims Wylie Iwan from Washington state led her on, publicly humiliated her on Facebook, and cost her to spend money on an airplane ticket for a trip that was abruptly cancelled.

According to the Seattle Times, Gray was planning on visiting Iwan in Washington and had paid for an airline ticket that cost about $900. Just days before she was to fly to see him, he advised her that he had met someone else. It was a facebook breakup and she didn’t see it coming.

The Seattle Times reports:

Cheryl Gray says Wylie Iwan led her on, caused her to spend money on gifts and a trip to the Tri-Cities, then humiliated her when he posted vulgar comments on her Facebook wall.

They became Facebook friends in September and had about 300 friends in common, she said. During the next couple of months, they began talking through Facebook messages, and Gray said Iwan wanted to exchange personal information and get to know her.

Although they met on Mafia wars, they created their own Facebook war after the relationship ended with Gray setting up a hate group on Facebook. She accused Iwan of being an online predator. Iwan then allegedly posted bitter messages about her on Facebook, where Gray is now seeking damages in the amount of $8,368.88. Gray’s attorney is seeking damages for misrepresentation, promissory estoppel, defamation of character, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. So much for being social, on the world’s largest social network.

To you have an online dating story or dating disaster story to share?

Submit your story for consideration in the Peril of the Week

Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

First Date Conversations – To Tell, or Not to Tell

I’m a believer in authenticity when it comes to dating. That means I believe you should tell your correct age, post recent photos, and be recognizable when you meet your date in person.

I also believe you should ration your information flow early on, so I find it disheartening to see dates with promise quickly end with no chance of a second date ever being put on the calendar.

Where am I going with this? Quite simply, you need to be prepared for your date. Before you leave the house, think about what you should and what you shouldn’t talk about. Think about what you’d tell a perspective boss to land your dream job, and what personal information shouldn’t make it to the interview. So without further digital ado, here are some dating tips and conversation topics to tell, and those that should quietly go to sleep with you at night alone.

1st Date Conversation Deal-Breakers Include:

• The ex-factor – Too much talk about your relationship history.
• The crazy ex-factor – Yes, every ex-wife or husband and ex-girlfriend or boyfriend were crazy. Can you elaborate? Please don’t.
• Your divorce – Leave that to the attorneys. Your date isn’t your legal counsel.
• Your therapist – We won’t give you sympathy on a first date, so leave your emotional problems for your next shrink session.

Cyber Love Song – 4th of July Asbury Park (Sandy), Bruce Springsteen

Happy Fourth of July and Music Monday.  As you prepare for your barbecues, beach walks, and fireworks on this holiday weekend, enjoy our featured Cyber Love Song, one of my favorites, Fourth of July Asbury Park, better known as Sandy, from Bruce Springsteen’s second album, The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle.

Click here for more Cyber Love Songs and like us at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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