Cyber Love Story – Andrea and Dan

After finding herself single again at the age of 52 with two teenage kids, Andrea decided it was time to join an online dating site in May of 2012.

She initially joined both Match.com and JDate. “They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince and I did just that,” said Andrea. Having one bad date after another, she kept going offline only to go back online again.

When she met Dan, she thought he was very different than any of her other dates.  They chatted online only a few very brief times and sent a few texts to put a date on the calendar.

On the way to their first date,  Andrea decided to call Dan.  She told him that this was the only time she had never talked on the phone prior to meeting a date.  He said it was his first time as well.  When they met, she realized they had so much in common. They talked for hours and didn’t even realize anyone else was in the restaurant.  After many rounds of our “all you can eat” soup and salad, they said their goodbyes and Dan walked Andrea to her car.  Andrea tells said, “He gave me a huge kiss and I was kind of surprised by it, but pleasantly!”

Then their Cyber Love Story got tricky.

Three weeks went by before their scheduled second date, so Andrea didn’t think that Dan was very interested in her. She then canceled their date and starting dating someone else.

When that relationship ran its course, she rejoined Match for a second time. Dan noticed Andrea’s reactivated profile and “winked” at her. Andrea responded and wondered if he had recognized her, which he did. They made plans to get together almost immediately and finally went on their second date.

The two have been inseparable ever since and Andrea knows for sure, that Dan is the love of her life.  Andrea and Dan plan on moving in together and look forward to celebrating their one-year anniversary together in September.

Congratulations to Andrea and Dan who gave online dating a chance.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Love and Money – Online Dating on a Budget

When you’ve signed up for an online dating site, at first you’ll be dating multiple people. We know it can be expensive. Then suddenly you meet the perfect girl online. Your phone chemistry is off the charts.  The first date went so well, that you can’t wait to see her again. You’d like to show up with a dozen roses or provide a posh mode of transportation for your evening on the town to impress her. But what if you don’t have a lot of money and your credit is on the low end? It’s not uncommon with today’s economic shift to feel financially strapped while dating. Finding love online can be euphoric or cause a bit of anxiety in the early days.

The relationship between money and dating causes unnecessary stress for both men and women. Women want men who are financially secure. Men want women they’re attracted to who would fall in love with them, instead of their bank account.

So what should you do to impress her without breaking the bank? I believe that bringing a dozen tulips, costing 1/3 of the price will put a big smile on her face, but if you’d like to eventually splurge on a romantic vacation, it might be time to fix your credit and avoid spending more than you can afford.

While you’re getting your financial house in order, you still can impress a date with fun and inexpensive activities.

Inexpensive Dates

Nifty Date Ideas has several affordable suggestions for your next online date.

• Take your date to a remote spot to watch the sunset and bring a picnic lunch or dinner. If you live in a northern climate and the Aurora Borealis or a meteor shower can be seen that night, you could make an exception.
• Perform community service such as going to a community center to volunteer, planting flowers for a neighbor or shoveling snow.
• Playing board games is inexpensive, and there’s a wide range of games available: Monopoly, Candy Land or Sorry.
• Take your date on a nature walk and pick raspberries or blackberries. Eat them along the walk or save them in buckets to make a pie or tart.
• Remember the fun of school field trips? Take a free factory tour or visit a historical building to relive those grade-school excursions.
• Visit a library or bookstore, find a cozy corner and browse through books or magazines. You can also rent audiobooks or movies at most local libraries. The spot might have a coffee shop, so you can discuss what you read over a hot mocha or latte.

There’s no need to go into debt to impress your next date. You should still take some time to repair your credit in the next 6-12 months and be responsible about not spending more than you can afford.

How to Improve Your Score

Money problems is one of the top reasons for a relationship to split up. If your credit rating is low and your long-term goals are to find someone to spend the rest of your life with and even possibly buy a home or lease a car, it’s a good idea to start working on improving your credit score. MSN Money suggests you start by opening a line of credit through a credit card. It states you don’t need to carry a balance to have good scores; it’s a myth. Consider a secured credit card if you can’t open a traditional credit card. The issuing bank gives you a credit line equal to the deposit you make for a secured card. MSN Money says paying off your mortgage, auto and student loans can help, but not as dramatically as paying off accounts such as credit cards. Pay your bills on time and, if you can, pay more than the balance due.

If you want to improve your credit in a bigger way, consider getting a used car. Used cars are a good choice because a car that is only a year old is 20 to 30 percent cheaper than a new car, according to Edmunds.com. And it’s possible to get a regular interest rate, even with poor credit. A person with good credit will usually get an interest rate on a used car between 5 and 7 percent, while many auto companies and lenders will finance a vehicle or OK a loan from 6.7 to 13.5 percent, according to bankrate.com.

Have you managed to find fun and affordable dates?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for Singles on the dating scene.

For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Mobile Dating BootCamp Season 2

Cyber-Dating Expert and Three Day Rule are teaming up again to bring you Mobile Dating BootCamp.

This year’s contestants will try to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones with a whole new list of mobile dating apps.

Mobile dating apps are all the rage. Ten lucky singles in Los Angeles will be competing to find their dream date.

Last year’s Mobile Dating BootCamp was featured in the Washington Post newspaper.

This year’s mobile dating apps this include:

• Tinder
• eHarmony
• Let’s Date
• Match Mobile
• OkCupid
• Grindr
• How About We
• Plenty of Fish

Daters will be receiving private coaching from online dating expert Julie Spira and prizes galore from Three Day Rule.

All contestants will meet together at the Mobile Dating Conference in Beverly Hills, where they’ll be generously hosted by iDate to enjoy a catered meal at the SLS Hotel and will share their experiences with Internet dating executives in a focus group panel.

Plus, Uber has generously donated round trip transportation in Los Angeles with a private driver to the hotel for each contestant.

For more information and to apply for your chance to be included, visit MobileDatingBootCamp.com/apply.

 

The Online Dating Rejection Letter

More often than not, you won’t be riding off into the digital sunset with your online date.

Digital dating can be tricky and there are no real rules, other than you should treat someone the way that you’d like to be treated. Sometimes initial emails that you’ve carefully crafted to someone you think you might connect with, don’t pass the test and you either get ignored, or receive the big rejection email.

While you might be used to receiving rejection letters from schools that you’ve applied to or for manuscripts you might have submitted, when it comes to matters of the heart, these notifications can be hurtful and cold.

Below are six actual rejection letters sent to women online. Some passed the test of being polite, others weren’t necessary.

On Match.com, they make it easy for you to reject someone by giving you the option of sending their canned email to someone whose profile didn’t make the cut on their date card.

This one gentleman was so sure he wanted to reject a particular woman who was on his daily match list, that he sent this canned email twice and followed up with an additional personal email a few hours later.

Was it a bit of overkill? I think so.

Online Dating Rejection Letter One (via automated email)

Subject: Match.com Message: Thanks, but…

Some people just don’t know a good thing…

[Profile user’s name] appreciates your taking the time to let him know you’re interested, but doesn’t think you’re a good match for him. Don’t be discouraged. Magic happens when you least expect it. With millions of singles on Match.com, you could be just one click away from finding someone who’s right for you.

Six hours after receiving two canned rejection letters, he decided to send a personalized rejection letter.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Two (via email)

Subject: i am not sure

 

i dont know vhy….a think you are not funny..

 

sorry.

With all of the punctuation problems and three attempts to be rejected, it appears a bullet was dodged. One can only wonder how many others received multiple rejection letters on a daily basis from this guy and why he’s still single. I think he made his point, but they hadn’t even exchanged a single email yet. Three strikes, he’s out.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Three (via email)

Subject: thanks

 

It was great meeting you the other evening.

 

I got the feeling that we most likely are in the “friend pile” and that’s OK.

 

Lets stay in touch!

 

All the best!

Did he really want to be “just friends?” Probably not, as men and women can’t be friends, right? However, he was a gentleman about it and didn’t put her down. Leaving the options open? Looking for Plan B?

Online Dating Rejection Letter Four (via email)

Subject: Hi
How are you?

 

I really enjoyed the time with you.  You’re interesting and fun to talk to–you have great experience and accomplishments and sharing your views with people. It was a quality evening ….thank you.

 

I wish that I felt that we are a good/right match, but my senses tell me not–so best to carry on with our searches, I believe.

 

I wish you the best of luck in yours and in finding the great man you deserve.

Yes. He didn’t have the chemistry with her that he was hoping for. It was the most flattering online dating rejection letter that ever crossed my desk. How can you not like this man while he gently let her down? Did he need to send an email at all? No. They didn’t have plans for a second date, nor did he say, “I’ll call you” when he walked her to her car.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Five (via email)

In the department of he was feeling it, but thought she wasn’t, a gentleman sent the following email to his date who he had been excited about. Fortunately, she read between the lines and replied to him to keep the conversation going.

Subject: No Subject

 

Thanks for a wonderful evening..you are a beautiful accomplished intelligent woman…but pretty clear we don’t mesh = I got that from your parting and body language…I wish you all the best with your career brand and love life.

Rather than ignoring his email, she responded, because she did feel a connection with her date.

Subject: Your Email

 

Thanks for a lovely evening.

 

I really enjoyed our conversation and thought we were getting along well, so I was surprised to get your rejection letter today, after over a combination of a dozen phone calls/emails.

 

I don’t believe that body language is a barometer and it was a cold winter night.  I did say I had a great time with you when I said goodbye, which would have been a cue to ask me out for a second date, but you decided not to. I would have welcomed that.

 

However, I do understand these types of emails…the “it’s not you it’s me…” I don’t believe it had to do with parting after about 3 hours (most dates are much shorter), or my body language, so perhaps you were wrong with your assumption, and so it goes…..

 

I wish you the best of luck with your search and hope you find someone to mesh with.

He of course replied to her and realized that he was wrong in assuming there wasn’t a connection. In this case, it was salvageable.

Sometimes a rejection letter gives the sender the feeling of power. Other times, they’re hoping to get a reply begging them to consider. Either way, I recommend no contact after a date that didn’t go well, especially if there’s no second date scheduled on the calendar.

Dating can be hard. You’re meshing two people together in one night of conversation to try to decide whether you should go on a second date or not. First impressions matter and we’re human. Sometimes we might have an off night. I think you should always give someone a second chance if you’ve enjoyed their company, rather than sending a unilateral rejection letter.

Have you ever sent a rejection email to someone after a date? Have you ever received one that caught you off guard? Do you think it’s necessary to communicate that you’re not feeling it for someone after a first date? Personalized or canned? I invite you to post your experiences in our comments.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.  For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Photo credits: © indomercy – Fotolia.com

Online Dating Profile Photos – When in Doubt, Wear Red

On Huffington Post Live, we spent time talking about online dating profile photos and how men respond more frequently to women wearing the color red.

The conversation was based on Adam Alter’s book, Red Tank Pink. Alter, professor of marketing and psychology at NYU’s Stern School of Business insists that the color red or having a red border around your online dating profile is an absolute must.

Joining us was Gabe Zichermann, Gamification expert, who met his boyfriend on mobile dating app, Scruff.com.

Sharing one of my favorite quotes from the late fashion designer Bill Blass, “When in doubt, wear red,” I concurred with Alter’s findings that red does indeed have an impact on the response to dates.

You can watch the video below.

Are you wearing red in your dating profiles?

Julie Spira ia a top online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

 

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