Special Event – Pimp Your Profile – Online Dating Advice

 

“If only my profile brought me my dream man.”

“Online dating works for some, but never for me.”

“Irresistible Profile? Right.”

These are some of the comments that I hear from frustrated online daters who quit within the first month after joining an Internet dating site.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

I feel your pain and know that just like having the perfect resume to get your dream job, your online dating profile needs to be IRRESISTIBLE to capture his or her attention. Sometimes you need a little bit of digital hand holding. Now, singles in Los Angeles will have the opportunity to learn all of the Secrets to Finding Love Online on Wednesday, May 22nd in Studio City, CA.

It’s with great excitement to announce our partnership between Cyber-Dating Expert, Julie Spira and Hurry Date to Pimp Your Profile.

I’ll be on hand with my best tips and will critique everyone’s profiles privately so you can quickly ride into the digital sunset together.

You deserve to have an Irresistible Profile.

Tickets are very limited, so RSVP now!

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter. To RSVP for the Pimp Your Profile Seminar, click here.

Julie Spira on Good Day LA – Online Dating Tips for Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart’s decision to join Match.com is still a hot topic. If Martha loves dating, of course she should join the millions of singles who are members of an online dating site.

As a guest on the FOX News show, Good Day LA I spoke with Steve Edwards and Robin Sax with suggestions for Martha’s new online dating profile.

I believe Martha needs to create a catchy screen name. Using her real name of Martha Stewart is fine for Linkedin and Twitter, but since she says she feels like she’s 45-50, then she should create a fun and flirty user name for her profile. Martha’s new profile reveals that she’s selected the title of her new book as her screen name. In her profile, of TheGoodLongLife, she indicates that she’s seeking men 55-70 who make $150,000 or more.

Martha should post 3-5 recent photos of herself, but resist the urge to use her magazine cover to treat her online dating profile like a magazine spread. Those photos should be posted on Facebook instead. So far, she’s only posted two pictures. I guess she’s dipping her toes in slowly.

Martha should list some of her recipes under hobbies. She could say that she bakes an amazing key lime pie and then ask a question such as, “Have you ever tried key lime pie or lobster bisque?” It’s no secret that men love to be fed and this gives the men a reason to write to her.

Online dating can be overwhelming. Martha should create an organizational spreadsheet. My coaching clients all receive a Dating Docket, which they fill out to keep all of their dates straight. After all, she wouldn’t want to call Robert by the name of last night’s date, if his name was actually Richard.

What are you dating tips for Martha Stewart? Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Full article on My Fox LA

What Should Martha Stewart’s Online Dating Profile Look Like?

The news went viral on Friday when Martha Stewart appeared on the Today Show, telling Matt Lauer that she almost joined Match.com, but didn’t complete her profile.

Today, Martha appeared again on Today Show to tell the world that she’s making it official. She’ll be taking the digital plunge to join the millions of singles looking for love online and is signing up for Match.

Stewart, who says she loves to date, but hasn’t been in a long-term relationship for years thought she should be using her real name on her profile, but we disagree.

Cyber-Dating Expert friend and Match CEO Sam Yagan told Stewart, “What we know we can get you is some great first dates. I think finding a soul mate for you might be a little bit difficult, but I think first dates are easily doable.”

Stewart admitted, “I’d like to have breakfast with somebody. I’d like to go to bed with somebody. Sleep with somebody.”

As an online dating expert who’s been helping singles find love on the Internet since 1994, I couldn’t resist chiming in to offer Martha a little help with her dating profile.

Here are some Dos and Don’ts for Martha’s Match Profile

DON’T use your real name.

Although Stewart told the Today Show that she was intending to use her real name. I disagree. Just like all of the other millions of daters, I believe that Stewart should have a catchy screen name to find her dream guy. It would be less intimidating. Some suggestions would be:

DO create a catchy screen name.

Our suggestions include:

• LovestoCook

• DomesticGoddess

• CookingAuthor

•  Domestic Diva

DON’T lie about your age

Although Stewart is 71, she says emotionally she feels 45-50. I hate to break it to you Martha, but most women brag about looking younger for their age in their profiles and it turns men off. Saying “I’m 71, but feel like I’m 50″ would be wrong. Those sayings are too cliché in the online dating world. If Oprah said that 50 is the new 30, then Martha can feel like 70 is the new 50, but she should keep that to herself.

DO post a realistic age range

Sure Stewart wants a young active guy. Why would she sign up to change someone’s “Depends” in a few years? Stewart should list her desired age range of 65-77. If someone appears to be active in their 80s, then she can write back to him. If he doesn’t seem youthful enough to her, she can ignore his email or politely decline.

DON’T look like a Cougar

Stewart should be concerned about saying she’s looking for someone young. It might send a signal that she’s a Cougar looking for a younger guy that she’d support financially. Instead, I believe Stewart should describe the activities that she likes to do and what she’d like to share with her date. Men would then get the signal that no couch potatoes should apply.

DO Post 5 Photos

Stewart should post about five photos, not an entire album. Her primary shot should be a close up on a good hair day looking happy, and she should add a few photos in her garden, outdoors, and doing activities that she enjoys. She should steer away from posting photos of her extravagant homes as it would be too intimidating to a man.

DON’T be cutesy
Stewart completed the section on what she was looking for, describing her ideal date as “youngish” and “outdoorsish,” really smart, and successful. A Stewart’s written over 70 books, her editor would slash those words that don’t exist in the dictionary. Instead, I think she should say she’s looking for an active guy who likes the outdoors to hike and spend time in the garden with. Perhaps she’ll end up kissing in the tomato patch.

Other celebrities who have joined online dating sites include Sinead O’Connor, Joan Rivers, and even recently Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger got engaged to her boyfriend who she met on Plenty of Fish.

If Martha Stewart doesn’t find love on Match, she can hop over to Our Time and Senior People Meet, the 50+ online dating site, which is also owned by IAC who owns Match and OkCupid.

Hopefully for Stewart, her new book, Living the Good Long Life, will include finding someone online to grow into the digital sunset with.

What do you think Martha Stewart’s online dating profile should look like? Do you think she can find love online?

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice sign up for the free Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

 

6 Tips for Online Dating After Divorce

Whether you’ve gone through a recent breakup or you’ve gotten divorced after 20 years of marriage, even if the wounds are still raw, know that your decision to create an online dating profile is a step in the right direction.

Here are 6 simple tips to get you started.

1. Have a Profile Party. It’s time to take the plunge and join an online dating site. This is a digital statement telling the world that you’re not going to sit home and feel sorry for yourself. I recommend that you grab a girlfriend or two and let them participate in a Profile Party. After all, your BFF’s will want to hear the juicy details of your dates and they truly want to see you move forward with your life. Find a few outfits with bright colors such as red or bright pink and let your friends snap the photos for you. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, you can sign up for our Pimp Your Profile Seminar on May 22nd , where I’ll be working with singles how to ramp up their profile in person! If you’re anxious to get started now, here are some of our favorite dating sites. Some offer special discounts to Cyber-Dating Expert readers.

2. It’s a Bio, not a novel. Not sure what to write about yourself? When creating your Internet dating bio and on your first dates, less is more. Don’t focus on what went wrong in your relationship. Talking about your ex is an instant buzz-kill. You’ll come across as someone who just hasn’t gotten over him or her yet.

3. Talk about the kids. If you’re a parent, do mention how important your children are and list their ages in your profile, but don’t post photos of them. A man would like to know that you have time for him in your life, while you juggle work, parenting, and a new relationship. A woman will project to the future to decide whether she wants to be a part of an extended family. Hiding the kids isn’t going to attract your dream date. An understanding partner will appreciate your devotion to your family.

4. Ask and answer questions. Keep your introduction emails short and simple and mention something in his profile that caught your eye. I recommend only a few sentences. It’s also good to ask a question, which will provoke an answer. Mention one of your favorite rock bands and ask if they’ve ever seen them perform live. List some of your dream vacation spots and ask if they’ve ever traveled there. Your goal is to create a conversation based upon your passions.

5.  Head over to Facebook and change your relationship status to “Single.” Yes, it may come to a shock to some of your friends, but others might be ready to introduce you to one of their friends. Some of the couples on Facebook Love Stories actually fell in love on Facebook, reconnected with crushes from high school and college, and tied the knot after seeing that someone they knew was suddenly single again.

6. Give good phone. As a parent, your time is very precious. Do make sure you have a phone date before you set up time to meet in person. If you don’t feel any chemistry on the phone, don’t waste your time on setting up a date that probably won’t go well. Avoid becoming a digital pen pal with your new online crush and take your relationship from online to offline within the first few weeks.

Getting divorced is traumatic for everyone. This isn’t the time to compare war-room stories with potential dates. With these online dating tools at your digital finger tips, you’ll be able to start the next chapter of your life sooner, rather than later. Remember, the person that you’ll be meeting may have also gone through a divorce or loss of a loved one. He or she might be just as nervous as you are about starting over again.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert who’s been helping singles find love online since 1994. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: © ijdema – Fotolia.com

Love and Money – Online Dating on a Budget

When you’ve signed up for an online dating site, at first you’ll be dating multiple people. We know it can be expensive. Then suddenly you meet the perfect girl online. Your phone chemistry is off the charts.  The first date went so well, that you can’t wait to see her again. You’d like to show up with a dozen roses or provide a posh mode of transportation for your evening on the town to impress her. But what if you don’t have a lot of money and your credit is on the low end? It’s not uncommon with today’s economic shift to feel financially strapped while dating. Finding love online can be euphoric or cause a bit of anxiety in the early days.

The relationship between money and dating causes unnecessary stress for both men and women. Women want men who are financially secure. Men want women they’re attracted to who would fall in love with them, instead of their bank account.

So what should you do to impress her without breaking the bank? I believe that bringing a dozen tulips, costing 1/3 of the price will put a big smile on her face, but if you’d like to eventually splurge on a romantic vacation, it might be time to fix your credit and avoid spending more than you can afford.

While you’re getting your financial house in order, you still can impress a date with fun and inexpensive activities.

Inexpensive Dates

Nifty Date Ideas has several affordable suggestions for your next online date.

• Take your date to a remote spot to watch the sunset and bring a picnic lunch or dinner. If you live in a northern climate and the Aurora Borealis or a meteor shower can be seen that night, you could make an exception.
• Perform community service such as going to a community center to volunteer, planting flowers for a neighbor or shoveling snow.
• Playing board games is inexpensive, and there’s a wide range of games available: Monopoly, Candy Land or Sorry.
• Take your date on a nature walk and pick raspberries or blackberries. Eat them along the walk or save them in buckets to make a pie or tart.
• Remember the fun of school field trips? Take a free factory tour or visit a historical building to relive those grade-school excursions.
• Visit a library or bookstore, find a cozy corner and browse through books or magazines. You can also rent audiobooks or movies at most local libraries. The spot might have a coffee shop, so you can discuss what you read over a hot mocha or latte.

There’s no need to go into debt to impress your next date. You should still take some time to repair your credit in the next 6-12 months and be responsible about not spending more than you can afford.

How to Improve Your Score

Money problems is one of the top reasons for a relationship to split up. If your credit rating is low and your long-term goals are to find someone to spend the rest of your life with and even possibly buy a home or lease a car, it’s a good idea to start working on improving your credit score. MSN Money suggests you start by opening a line of credit through a credit card. It states you don’t need to carry a balance to have good scores; it’s a myth. Consider a secured credit card if you can’t open a traditional credit card. The issuing bank gives you a credit line equal to the deposit you make for a secured card. MSN Money says paying off your mortgage, auto and student loans can help, but not as dramatically as paying off accounts such as credit cards. Pay your bills on time and, if you can, pay more than the balance due.

If you want to improve your credit in a bigger way, consider getting a used car. Used cars are a good choice because a car that is only a year old is 20 to 30 percent cheaper than a new car, according to Edmunds.com. And it’s possible to get a regular interest rate, even with poor credit. A person with good credit will usually get an interest rate on a used car between 5 and 7 percent, while many auto companies and lenders will finance a vehicle or OK a loan from 6.7 to 13.5 percent, according to bankrate.com.

Have you managed to find fun and affordable dates?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for Singles on the dating scene.

For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Mobile Dating BootCamp Season 2

Cyber-Dating Expert and Three Day Rule are teaming up again to bring you Mobile Dating BootCamp.

This year’s contestants will try to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones with a whole new list of mobile dating apps.

Mobile dating apps are all the rage. Ten lucky singles in Los Angeles will be competing to find their dream date.

Last year’s Mobile Dating BootCamp was featured in the Washington Post newspaper.

This year’s mobile dating apps this include:

• Tinder
• eHarmony
• Let’s Date
• Match Mobile
• OkCupid
• Grindr
• How About We
• Plenty of Fish

Daters will be receiving private coaching from online dating expert Julie Spira and prizes galore from Three Day Rule.

All contestants will meet together at the Mobile Dating Conference in Beverly Hills, where they’ll be generously hosted by iDate to enjoy a catered meal at the SLS Hotel and will share their experiences with Internet dating executives in a focus group panel.

Plus, Uber has generously donated round trip transportation in Los Angeles with a private driver to the hotel for each contestant.

For more information and to apply for your chance to be included, visit MobileDatingBootCamp.com/apply.

 

The Online Dating Rejection Letter

More often than not, you won’t be riding off into the digital sunset with your online date.

Digital dating can be tricky and there are no real rules, other than you should treat someone the way that you’d like to be treated. Sometimes initial emails that you’ve carefully crafted to someone you think you might connect with, don’t pass the test and you either get ignored, or receive the big rejection email.

While you might be used to receiving rejection letters from schools that you’ve applied to or for manuscripts you might have submitted, when it comes to matters of the heart, these notifications can be hurtful and cold.

Below are six actual rejection letters sent to women online. Some passed the test of being polite, others weren’t necessary.

On Match.com, they make it easy for you to reject someone by giving you the option of sending their canned email to someone whose profile didn’t make the cut on their date card.

This one gentleman was so sure he wanted to reject a particular woman who was on his daily match list, that he sent this canned email twice and followed up with an additional personal email a few hours later.

Was it a bit of overkill? I think so.

Online Dating Rejection Letter One (via automated email)

Subject: Match.com Message: Thanks, but…

Some people just don’t know a good thing…

[Profile user’s name] appreciates your taking the time to let him know you’re interested, but doesn’t think you’re a good match for him. Don’t be discouraged. Magic happens when you least expect it. With millions of singles on Match.com, you could be just one click away from finding someone who’s right for you.

Six hours after receiving two canned rejection letters, he decided to send a personalized rejection letter.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Two (via email)

Subject: i am not sure

 

i dont know vhy….a think you are not funny..

 

sorry.

With all of the punctuation problems and three attempts to be rejected, it appears a bullet was dodged. One can only wonder how many others received multiple rejection letters on a daily basis from this guy and why he’s still single. I think he made his point, but they hadn’t even exchanged a single email yet. Three strikes, he’s out.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Three (via email)

Subject: thanks

 

It was great meeting you the other evening.

 

I got the feeling that we most likely are in the “friend pile” and that’s OK.

 

Lets stay in touch!

 

All the best!

Did he really want to be “just friends?” Probably not, as men and women can’t be friends, right? However, he was a gentleman about it and didn’t put her down. Leaving the options open? Looking for Plan B?

Online Dating Rejection Letter Four (via email)

Subject: Hi
How are you?

 

I really enjoyed the time with you.  You’re interesting and fun to talk to–you have great experience and accomplishments and sharing your views with people. It was a quality evening ….thank you.

 

I wish that I felt that we are a good/right match, but my senses tell me not–so best to carry on with our searches, I believe.

 

I wish you the best of luck in yours and in finding the great man you deserve.

Yes. He didn’t have the chemistry with her that he was hoping for. It was the most flattering online dating rejection letter that ever crossed my desk. How can you not like this man while he gently let her down? Did he need to send an email at all? No. They didn’t have plans for a second date, nor did he say, “I’ll call you” when he walked her to her car.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Five (via email)

In the department of he was feeling it, but thought she wasn’t, a gentleman sent the following email to his date who he had been excited about. Fortunately, she read between the lines and replied to him to keep the conversation going.

Subject: No Subject

 

Thanks for a wonderful evening..you are a beautiful accomplished intelligent woman…but pretty clear we don’t mesh = I got that from your parting and body language…I wish you all the best with your career brand and love life.

Rather than ignoring his email, she responded, because she did feel a connection with her date.

Subject: Your Email

 

Thanks for a lovely evening.

 

I really enjoyed our conversation and thought we were getting along well, so I was surprised to get your rejection letter today, after over a combination of a dozen phone calls/emails.

 

I don’t believe that body language is a barometer and it was a cold winter night.  I did say I had a great time with you when I said goodbye, which would have been a cue to ask me out for a second date, but you decided not to. I would have welcomed that.

 

However, I do understand these types of emails…the “it’s not you it’s me…” I don’t believe it had to do with parting after about 3 hours (most dates are much shorter), or my body language, so perhaps you were wrong with your assumption, and so it goes…..

 

I wish you the best of luck with your search and hope you find someone to mesh with.

He of course replied to her and realized that he was wrong in assuming there wasn’t a connection. In this case, it was salvageable.

Sometimes a rejection letter gives the sender the feeling of power. Other times, they’re hoping to get a reply begging them to consider. Either way, I recommend no contact after a date that didn’t go well, especially if there’s no second date scheduled on the calendar.

Dating can be hard. You’re meshing two people together in one night of conversation to try to decide whether you should go on a second date or not. First impressions matter and we’re human. Sometimes we might have an off night. I think you should always give someone a second chance if you’ve enjoyed their company, rather than sending a unilateral rejection letter.

Have you ever sent a rejection email to someone after a date? Have you ever received one that caught you off guard? Do you think it’s necessary to communicate that you’re not feeling it for someone after a first date? Personalized or canned? I invite you to post your experiences in our comments.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.  For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Photo credits: © indomercy – Fotolia.com

Online Dating Profile Photos – When in Doubt, Wear Red

On Huffington Post Live, we spent time talking about online dating profile photos and how men respond more frequently to women wearing the color red.

The conversation was based on Adam Alter’s book, Red Tank Pink. Alter, professor of marketing and psychology at NYU’s Stern School of Business insists that the color red or having a red border around your online dating profile is an absolute must.

Joining us was Gabe Zichermann, Gamification expert, who met his boyfriend on mobile dating app, Scruff.com.

Sharing one of my favorite quotes from the late fashion designer Bill Blass, “When in doubt, wear red,” I concurred with Alter’s findings that red does indeed have an impact on the response to dates.

You can watch the video below.

Are you wearing red in your dating profiles?

Julie Spira ia a top online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

 

Julie Spira Named in Top 10 Best Online Dating Experts

It’s an honor and joy to have been named in the Top 10 Best Online Dating Experts by DatingAdvice.com.

Words can’t describe how super-thrilled I am to be a part of this wonderful community.

Being in the business of love and helping singles find love on the Internet since 1994 is something I’m so proud of. Every day I hold the digital hands of singles and help them ease into taking their relationships from online to offline. I give them the strength and confidence to start over when their relationships run their course and I feature their success stories in our Cyber Love Story of the Week.

Many thanks to the Editors at DatingAdvice.com for acknowledging my passion in this industry that I love so very much and for selecting me as their featured Online Dating Expert.  I invite you to sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for more online dating advice and to stay in touch.

I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Cyber Love Links – 10 Links to Love

As the week draws to an end, it’s time to share our 10 favorite dating articles on the web and on Twitter for your weekend reading pleasure in Cyber Love Links — Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love.

1. On Thought Catalog, we enjoyed 10 Reasons Not to Give Up on Love by Chelsea Fagan. I’m sure you can relate to some, if not all of these.

2. Our friends at Men’s Fitness asked the ladies what they didn’t like about emails from male online daters. Here are their findings with Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating.

3. On the flip side, on eHarmony, the ladies should read 10 Things Women Should Never Say to Men.

4. In time for Passover,  we loved JDate’s article, Don’t Pass Over the JDate Haggadah. Will you take a date to a Seder? We’d love to know.

5. A huge Happy 5th Birthday to our friends at The Frisky. My how time flies! We’re happy to share their 15 Dating Don’ts Worth Repeating Again.

6. We enjoyed the post on Your Tango, What to Do on a 1st Date to Make Him Fall for You? Not sure about that first kiss? Read this post and put on some lip gloss.

7. In the thank you department, a huge thanks to Fox News for including our tips in Should You Ditch Online Dating?

8. So grateful to Cosmpolitan for the interview, How to Rock the Perfect Online Dating Profile Pic

9. Take a peek at my latest column on DatingAdvice.com, How to Ramp up Your Online Dating Profile.

10. Really dug in with a personal story on Huffington Post in Googling Your Dates ~Can It Backfire?

Have a favorite story to share with us? Post it in our comments.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

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