Woman’s Day Guide to Online Dating

Woman’s Day just published their guide to online dating. Both eHarmony’s Gian Gonzaga and myself were featured in their guide.

They listed 12 important dating and relationship tips to be successful while looking for love online. Just how many people should you date at once? What are the keys to a successful Internet dating profile? Which are the most popular sites to try?

Read the article for the answers to these questions and to improve your odds to make your online dating experience more enjoyable.

Click here to read article>>>

Julie Spira on The Mark and Brian Show

Listen to the Mark and Brian Radio Show on 955 KLOS where hosts Mark and Brian asked Cyberdating Expert Julie Spira about the Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for online daters.

Find out which of the Top 10 Rules from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating were their favorites as well as tips for your Internet dating profile on The Mark and Brian Radio Program.

Dating Advice: Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

1. The Google Rule – Googling your date. We all do it. It’s just too easy to find out the juicy details of the person you have on your date card. If you do decide to do a search, please don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” on your first date.  Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

2. The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. I urge singles to be honest about their age and weight in their profiles. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-pounds off your actual weight or 5-years from your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone, in your profile, or on your first date– especially if you want to make it to a second date.

3. The Food and Beverage Rule – A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. Another date made a point of asking what my favorite cuisine was so he could select the perfect restaurant for dinner. He refused to order food after we sat down at the table. Neither of them made it to a second date.

4. The Valet Parking Rule – It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically much less than the cost of the next cosmopolitan. You’ll get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and
may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.

5. The Ex Rule - Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy they are that their payments are about to end, change the subject, or run. He’s just not over her or him.

6. The Body Parts Rule – Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.

7. The To Go Bag Rule – Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more importantly, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well. The man who asked for the remains of his pizza crust to go along with the scraps of my salad didn’t make a good impression.

8. The Send Button Rule - When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself instead. You can’t take it back. Your date’s revenge could be in forwarding your email all over the Internet. If it gets indexed by Google, you’ll have a hard time finding another date.

9. The Marriage Proposal Rule – Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call! Falling in love from your keyboard or iPhone isn’t really love. It’s a false fantasy that you are in a relationship.

10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages these days. But is it right?

Excerpts from the bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira
©2008 Julie Spira – Cyber Dating Expert, LLC All Rights Reserved
CyberDatingExpert.com

Dating Advice – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

I’m a 42-year old male and have never been married. I’m Jewish and would like to meet a Jewish woman and have children. I’ve tried JDate and have met some nice women, but no one worth marrying.  I’d like a woman who is honest, kind, pretty, who must be politically and sexually compatible with myself. Do you think I’m too picky?

~Single Guy in LA

Dear Single Guy,

There are more women than you can imagine who are looking for a marriage-minded man. Especially one who is interested in having children. Focus in on the profiles of women that specifically say they are looking for children. Join more than one dating site to widen your search. Be open to the possibilities of meeting someone who is divorced and may want to have another child.

As far as politically compatible, join the political groups and attend fundraisers where you will meet women you know you can easily have a conversation with. Unless you are hopping into bed right away, you won’t know if you are sexually compatible. Chances are if the first kiss is good, it’s a sign of good things to come. Hang in there and go on at least 3 dates with a woman who matches your requirements in 3 out of the 5 categories. No one gets it all, all the time.

Good luck with your search.

Julie Spira

Julie Spira is known worldwide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

The Art of Love Radio Show

On Sunday, March 7, 2010, Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira will be a featured guest on The Art of Love radio show hosted by relationship expert, Lucia.

Listen to the program on LA Talk Radio at 3:00pm, PST for dating advice and to hear more about finding love on your favorite online dating site.

You’ll hear more about the top ten rules of netiquette for online daters from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Love Hurts, or Does It? A Night of Dating Advice

There’s no shortage of dating advice these days. This week Angelenos were treated to a night to laughter, dating advice, and charity as 826LA, a non-profit writing and tutoring center for children ages 6-12 presented, “Love Hurts: Ask the Experts.”

The event was moderated by Time magazine’s funny man Joel Stein. Featured authors included Greg Behrendt, from He’s Just Not That Into You fame along with Lori Gottlieb, author of the bestseller, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and Sascha Rothchild, whose book, How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage
was released earlier this year.

It was interesting to note that both of the men on stage were married and both women were not.

Gottlieb’s book has received a lot of attention and criticism from feminists as well as those who never actually read the book who jumped to conclusion that “settling” was a bad decision before picking up their copy.

Views on Marriage

When the group was asked about their views of marriage, Rothchild said she would like to get married again, but won’t get divorced if she can help it. She added that many get married to wear a beautiful dress and get wedding gifts.

Behrendt told the group that he is not a relationship expert. He wrote two books about how to get out of relationships so he thought he wouldn’t be the one to know how to get in them. He suggested that singles go to Las Vegas to make their relationship legal and have a party in front of your friends. When asked why he got married, he replied with, “I got married because my wife wanted to get married. I didn’t want to lose her.” He says that marriage works for him.

Gottlieb said she went directly to experts to find out what really matters for love, long term happiness and got some answers. . She said she felt like a dating guinea pig and tried out their advice to try to get to the altar. Her findings are written in her well-researched book.

“Settling for Mr. Good Enough does not mean that you are settling with someone who you are not attracted to,” said Gottlieb. She added,  ”We rule out too many people. Good enough is everybody’s Mr./Ms. Good enough.”  The bestselling author says that bow-ties are hot. So are men named Sheldon. She admits that she didn’t use to feel that way.

Rothchild says if you are going into a marriage thinking it will make you happy, you will be disappointed. She hates the line, “You will complete me.” She added, “If two half-people meet up they will be miserable. You can’t expect someone to make you happy.”

Views on Online Dating

According to Rothchild,  online dating works for some people. She likes to get a sense of someone in person and isn’t a huge fan of the system. “You get an immediate vibe about a person when you meet him,” said Rothchild. She added, “You can feel if he is he crazy or not. With online dating,  you don’t get that.” Rothchild said she likes to meet people out playing poker. She met her current boyfriend at a poker game.  Her dating advice to singles, “If you like surfing, go surf. Meet other people who like what you like. Go up to a guy and say hi! If he’s available he’ll say hi back, its that easy.”

Gottlieb says he has to do online dating as she never leaves the house.  She learned that women often rule people out real quickly. She made the analogy of shopping online at Banana Republic where after you buy a blouse online, you are sent to a page to show you other blouses you can purchase.  She referred to the online dating site Match.com in her comparison. On Match, you write an email to someone you carefully select and suddenly you receive a thank you with five other men you should consider after selecting your favorite guy.

What the group all agreed on is dating has changed. According to Behrendt, “As a society, we don’t date as a ritual anymore. There’s hook-ups and casual dates. Years ago we went on dates because we didn’t [have sex] so we ate, danced, and had big band music.”

After the panel, I had the opportunity to personally interview Lori Gottlieb about why she felt so misunderstood by some of her critics of her book.  You can read the article: Marry Him: A Conversation With Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.

Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.

Dating Expert Julie Spira to Appear on the Mark and Brian Show

Cyber-Dating Expert and bestselling author Julie Spira will be a featured guest on the Mark and Brian Show on KLOS in Los Angeles.

Spira will share her online dating tips and advice from her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online on March 9, 2010.

To listen to the program click here>>>

Love Potions – Chocolate Espresso Pots du Creme

It’s true. Chocolate is known to be an aphrodisiac. Perhaps that’s why the chocolate recipes are the most popular selections in our Love Potions. According to Diana Phillips of Diana Phillips Artisan Chocolates, aphrodisiac is a word derived from the Greek Goddess of love, Aphrodite.  Aphrodisiacs are agents that are said to cause the arousal of sexual desire. They have been around since before recorded history, but the meaning and purpose behind them has not changed. People employ these magical substances reputed for romance in hope of stimulating instant amour and erotic interest.

Diana shared with her her recipe for Chocolate Espresso Pots du Creme, adapted from Gourmet Magazine. They are both sinful and elegant and come complete with an added instruction: Meant for spooning into each other’s mouth. Clothing definitely optional.

CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO POTS DU CREME

You can use ramekins or fancy espresso cups – anything that’s oven safe.

Ingredients

* 6 oz fine-quality 55-64% dark chocolate, finely chopped

* 1 1/3 cups heavy cream

* 2/3 cup whole milk

* 2 teaspoons instant-espresso powder*

* 6 large egg yolks

* 2 tablespoons sugar

Preparation

Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 300°F.

Put chocolate in a heatproof bowl. Bring cream, milk, espresso powder (to taste), and a pinch of salt just to a boil in a small heavy saucepan, stirring until espresso powder is dissolved, then pour over chocolate, whisking until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth.

Whisk together yolks, sugar, and a pinch of salt in another bowl, then add warm chocolate mixture in a slow stream, whisking constantly. Pour custard through a fine-mesh sieve into a 1-quart glass measure and cool completely, stirring occasionally, about 15 minutes.

Line bottom of a baking pan (large enough to hold ramekins) with a folded kitchen towel and arrange ramekins on towel. Poke several holes in a large sheet of foil with a skewer. Divide custard among ramekins, then bake custards in a hot water bath, pan covered tightly with foil, until custards are set around edges but still slightly wobbly in centers, 30 to 35 minutes.

Transfer ramekins to a rack to cool completely, uncovered, about 1 hour. (Custards will set as they cool.) Chill, covered, until cold, at least 3 hours.

Garnish with shipped cream or shave some more of the dark chocolate over the top.

yield: Makes 8 servings

active time: 30 min

total time: 5 1/2 hr (includes chilling)

Visit Diana Phillips Artisan Chocolates for more information on chocolate and recipes.

Click here for more Love Potions Recipes>>>

To Dump Or Not To Dump In An Email

With modern technology and our addiction to our Blackberries and iPhones, pushing the send button has become as common as brushing your teeth.

My friends at Your Tango wrote an article today in favor of the easy-way-out called Is It OK To Break Up Via Email? We Say Yes. Here’s my dating advice on the subject.

I’m a firm believer that you should think before sending an email to show your anger towards a loved-one, and more specifically, I don’t believe in dumping your significant other in an email or a text message.

Sure if you have only had a few dates, sending an email to say “I’m not the one for you. Good luck with your search” can be considered polite as compared to the guy who just doesn’t call you back.

In my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I describe the Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating. One of these rules is the “Break-Up Rule.” It’s number ten on my list. It’s relationship 101.

– Never break up with a significant other in an email. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person.

I was once the recipient of a very well thought out break up email.  I was advised by the man that I was engaged to marry, that I was no longer a fiance. From where I sat, it was cowardly, cruel, and unilateral.  I never spoke to him again. It was a relationship that started and ended in cyberspace.

I’m a believer that you treat someone the way that you want to be treated. Do you really want to go down in history as the person who dumped your LTR via email? Remember, emails are easily forwarded.

I’d be interested in all thoughts and comments.

Dating Advice – Why Women Have The “Just Friends” Talk

It happens to the best of us–the “talk” where you hear, “Let’s be friends.” Find out on Date Daily why women have the talk with men at the pivotal 3-month mark  and what it really means. Read my column where one woman is suspicious about her boyfriend who she met online. Apparently, he hasn’t  introduced her to his family or friends. Should she worry about her relationship?

Click here to read advice on Date Daily>>>

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