Is Creating an Excel Spreadsheet for Dating Creepy or Smart?
The financial guy whose online dating excel spreadsheet was spread all of the Internet was big news this week. Dealbreaker broke the story and he became the laughing stock in the dating world.
As an online dating expert, I’m here to defend him. I believe that online dating is a numbers game. In fact, when I coach singles on finding love online, I create a Microsoft excel spreadsheet for them to be organized, and I’ve been doing this for over 15 years. I’ve also written about the use of excel spreadsheets in my bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, which was released in 2009.
Sure, financial guy’s comments shouldn’t have been shared with his date. Even though she was number one on the list, remember anything that you send via email can be, and assume will be shared. Whether he likes his women hot or young is not the issue.
Looking for love online, if you’re truly serious about it can be compared to looking for a job. A well-organized job seeker will be more successful in finding his dream job. So will a well-organized dater.
So to those of you who have commented that this guy was creepy, I have to disagree. He appears to be a smart and busy businessman. Busy executive and CEOs don’t have a lot of free time to date, but they certainly spend a lot of time on their computers and mobile phones.
The only dating advice I can offer is to not should share your private information about your other dates with someone you’re dating. I’m sure financial guy learned his lesson well. Sometimes men and women are on a need-to-know basis. His date didn’t need to know about the other women he was pursuing.
Would you create a spreadsheet to organize your dates?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Online Dating Tips for Spring Fever
Whether your relationship recently ended, are newly divorced, or have taken a break from dating, we’re here to help you with your digital search. These lucky seven tips will speed the process so you won’t be wasting your time with Mr. or Ms. Wrong this spring.
1. Be open to all of the possibilities. With the change of seasons comes a new attitude, both online and offline. Outdoor cafes are filled with patrons again. Convertible tops are down, and it’s time to tune up your flirting techniques and jump back on the online dating saddle.
2. Dress it up. Appearance counts online and offline. After all, isn’t it your goal to turn that online romance into an offline relationship? Spend an afternoon spring-cleaning session in your very own closet. Recycle a dress or outfit in your closet and make it your first date outfit.
3. Sensual Scent. Try a fresh new perfume or cologne to wear on your first online date. Hopefully your date won’t be allergic and will find your new scent appealing enough to put a second date on the calendar.
4. Going Mobile! Why wait to go home to meet your dream date? Download a mobile dating app and respond to your date’s email while it’s still fresh in your inbox. Here’s the Mobile Dating Expert’s list with some of our favorites.
5. Turn on your webcam. Many online dating sites now offer webcam or video chat as part of their features. Go ahead and put on your lipstick and comb your hair. Remember to smile. It’s show time. By using video chat, your potential honey will know it’s the real you and not your younger sister. This will prevent that disappointing look one receives when the photos of their online dates don’t match up in real life.
6. Renew and Refresh. If you’ve let your online dating account expire, go ahead and renew your membership. Refresh your profile with new photos and a new catchy screen name. Need a little help? Check out IRRESISTIBLE profiles, and we’ll help you in your quest to find love online.
7. It’s a numbers game. We know that online dating can be a lot of work and is time consuming. So is finding your dream job and working out at the gym. Allocate an hour a day every day to your online dating site. Respond to, or write to at least 5 online profiles every day for one week and see what happens. Check out who’s viewed your profile or added you to their favorites or hot lists and send them an email. Initiate the conversation and you may find someone who will be so flattered to hear from you.
If you are lucky in love and meet the one online, let us know. We may feature you in the Cyber Love Story of the Week.
~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
3 First-Date Mistakes You Should Never Make
Our friends at We Love Dates released an Infographic that would make any online dater pause and take a look. We’re happy to include a special guest post from them with dating and relationship tips to help prevent you from making some first date mistakes when you finally meet someone you truly do like.
Have you ever come home after a first date that you thought went well, only to never hear from him or her again? It’s pretty safe to say that you have. There will always be much left to the unknown when it comes to first dates (that’s partly what makes them so exciting) here are a few first date mistakes that you might not even know you’ve made…until your phone stops ringing.
1. Don’t Assume There Is Going To Be a Second Date
First dates are your one chance to make a lasting first impression. Don’t count on future opportunities. Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind and own it. In addition, don’t make plans for the future, especially if the feelings aren’t mutual. Avoid conversations such as, “We should do that, let’s go there, we should plan it…” Let second dates evolve naturally.
2. Sharing Isn’t Always Caring
Remind yourself that this person is, quite literally, a virtual stranger. There is no need to share your every thought and feeling with them, or spill the messy details of your last break-up. Forget bringing up the latest drama of your girlfriends. He really doesn’t want to know. Remember to keep it light and easy when you first meet.
3. Don’t Drag It On
If you see there’s no chemistry in the first 15-minutes of your date, why drag it on for another hour-or-two? Keep the date brief as a meet-and-greet. Thank your date for taking the time to meet and move on.
Have you ever made any first date mistakes that you regret? We’d like to hear your stories.
This dating advice post was contributed by We Love Dates. View their infographic here: first date survival guide infographic.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
How to Get Over a Valentine’s Breakup
There’s no doubt about it, breaking up around Valentine’s is the pits. It’s in line with being left at the altar, broken engagements, and birthday breakups.
There’s no good time to breakup, but in the digital age, breaking up means changing your Facebook status, deleting and untagging photos, and sometimes having a few down days. Since we have a long holiday weekend, go ahead and take the time to recover.
My friend ellie at Pink Kisses contributed a great Valentine’s breakup post that I wanted to share with you again. It’s time to heal that breaking heart.
Beating the Post-Valentine Breakup Blues
by ellie scarborough of pinkkisses.com
Valentine’s Day has been hyped up since the days of cheap paper cartoon cards with lollipops stuck through the center. We all went home one day each year with a bunch of obligatory doilies and dimestore candy stuffed into our backpacks, and February 15th was just another day.
Now that we’re adults, the annual schmoopfest is every bit as ubiquitous as it was back then, but it takes on a different meaning these days. In a way, even though it’s billed as “the most romantic day of the year,” it somewhat ironically signals the end of … well, couples season. It starts with the age-old “do I or don’t I take you home to meet the family” question just before Thanksgiving, cruises beneath the mistletoe of December and pauses for a much-anticipated (and sometimes overrated) midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve. There’s so much societal pressure leading up to mid-February that, once the candies have been devoured and the roses have died, it’s no wonder so many couples start splitting up before the spring.
At pinkkisses.com, we’ve been hearing lately from girls whose boyfriends called it quits right after Valentine’s Day. And it’s not a huge surprise that with spring break coming up, lots of college couples are going their separate ways as well; in fact, a study of Facebook noted recently that the weeks leading up to spring break are a peak time of year for statuses to switch from “in a relationship” to “single.” The bottom line is this: although temperatures are starting to warm up and flowers are beginning to bloom, lots of relationships are cooling and the victims left in their wake are probably feeling a little wilted right about now.
But here’s the thing: while the end of a relationship may signal a low point, bringing out all your insecurities and temporarily damaging your sense of self-worth, you don’t have to wallow in the mire. In fact, you can flip your so-called “low point” on its ear and create a turning point out of it. Sure, it’s necessary to take some time to grieve the loss of what you once shared with your ex, but a breakup offers a hidden treasure: the opportunity to start fresh – not just with your dating life, but with your entire life in general.
All that time you were spending with your ex can now be spent doing… well, whatever you damn well please. The pursuits you weren’t making room for in your life can now take center stage. You may be feeling small, but in reality you’re standing on a perfect platform for transformation. The weeks and months following a tough breakup present an amazing opportunity to — as we like to say — find your inner badass. Think of it as a clean slate. It’s a chance to take control of your life and emerge stronger, wiser and happier on the other side. Make no mistake: no matter when, how or why it all had to end, moving on and living well is most definitely the best revenge. And in the end, it’s sweeter than any Valentine chocolates could ever be.
If you love this post, like Pink Kisses and Cyber-Dating Expert on Facebook.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author. She creates irresistible dating profiles for singles on the dating scene. Sign up for the Weekly Flirt for dating advice and share your stories at CyberDatingExpert.com
Top 10 Best Cities for Dating
Wondering if you should stay put or change your zip code on your online dating profile to cast a wider net? Yahoo Travel has released their Top 10 Best Cities for single daters in time for Valentine’s Day.
California was the only state with two winners, including San Francisco and San Diego. One can only hope that you’ll take the romantic drive up or down the coast and stop in Los Angeles to take in the new art contemporary buildings at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.
The Top 10 Best Cities for Dating includes:
Austin
Home of the University of Texas and the SXSW Interactive Conference, music lovers will enjoy walking up and down 6th Street holding hands with their date.
Boston
This college-friendly town is filled with intellects from Harvard and MIT for stimulation conversations.
Chicago
This town screams culture and sophistication. Men are chivalrous and your date will most likely best well-dressed for the occasion.
Miami
From trendy South Beach to sunshine year-round, you’ll feel like you’re on vacation while dating in this town. No passport required.
New Orleans
Can I admit that one of my most romantic business trips ever was in the arms of the man I loved in New Orleans. Yes, we did the carriage ride and ate beignets at Cafe du Monde. I wonder if he still remembers it as well? You’ll feel like you’re on a movie set with your date.
New York City
I’ve been known to change my zip code to a New York city address a week before my business trips to the Big Apple. From culture and museums, to Broadway shows, this list would not be complete without New York on the list.
Phoenix and Scottsdale
I have fond memories of a romantic Valentine’s weekend in Phoenix, complete with spa treatments, a golf lesson, and fine dining. In season, the weather can’t be beat.
San Francisco
This city has been compared as the New York of California. Known for high-tech and culture, who wouldn’t want to take a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge with your date? The added bonus is it’s a quick drive to Napa and Carmel, so take in a wine tasting while you’re there.
Seattle
I was surprised this city was on the list, but if you schedule your trip during the SeaFair festival, it’s one of the highlights on their event calendar.
Do you have a favorite romantic city? Is your city on this list? Share us your romantic dates with us on our Facebook page.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt . Follow Julie @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
New Year’s Dating Resolutions You’re Likely to Keep
We all start out the New Year with good intentions and new resolutions. If you’re single, you may create a personal list after a disappointing New Year’s Eve alone. You tell yourself it will be different next year and add finding love to the list along with a better diet and more exercise.
As good as your intentions are, like many resolutions, after a few weeks you lose momentum. You end up spending more time checking your friends’ facebook activity then focusing on logging on to Match, eHarmony, or OkCupid. Finding love online ends up moving down on your list of daily activities.
When you decide it’s time to make finding love a priority, you should make a commitment to sign up for an online dating site or two.
Why should finding love online stay on the top of your list? Forget the holiday pressures and red candy hearts. The period from New Year’s through Valentine’s Day is when singles will either join an online dating site for the first time, or renew their memberships. Most sites have an increase in membership by an average of 10% or more from now through Valentine’s Day. It’s peak season in the dating world. You need to play to win, or in this case, log on to find love.
Just like refreshing your Facebook profile with new photos and new updates, you need to keep your online dating profile robust and intriguing, instead of your former stagnant profile.
Here are three simple-to-follow and keep New Year’s resolutions for singles looking for love in cyberspace.
1. Refresh your profile. If you are satisfied with the online dating profile you currently have, change the order of your sentences and add something new and exciting that you’re looking forward to doing in the near future. Perhaps it’s an upcoming vacation or seeing one of your favorite bands in concert. As a result, your profile will become refreshed and chances are you will show up higher in a search. Remember to add new photos. If they’re good enough for Facebook, go ahead and add it to your Internet dating profile.
2. Reach out and reconnect. Did you get too busy during the year and miss out on meeting someone you started to communicate with online? Take a look in your Inbox and see if he or she still has an active online dating profile. Reach out and send an email with a simple, “Happy New Year” as a digital ice-breaker If their profile is still online, assume they haven’t met “the one” yet. It may be a time for a new beginning for both of you.
3. Narrow down your search. Do your friends complain that you are too picky? Have they stopped fixing you up? There’s nothing wrong with knowing exactly what you want in a relationship. Remember, no one really gets it all. We compromise on certain things and decide what our deal-breakers are. Make a list of what is most important to you. Number it from 1-10. Now, focus on the first 3 items on your list. Is it religion or hiking? Strolling through museums? Put those key words in your search. You might be delighted to see who appears on your screen.
If you need some extra handholding, I will work with you privately to create an irresistible online dating profile, complete with a catchy screen name so you can stand out in the crowded digital playing field. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com/irresistible-profiles
Let’s make this year the one you really find the love you are looking for so you can become the next Cyber Love Story of the Week couple.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more online dating tips and advice follow Julie on Twitter @Julie Spira and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Cell Phone Netiquette While on a Date [video]
Is he paying more attention to his mobile phone than you on a date? Watch my latest “Ask the Expert” video for advice on Dating in a Web 2.0 World.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Dating Advice – Would You Move For Love?
There’s no doubt about it, that online dating allows you to cast a very wide net. You can easily change your zip code to a new city when you’re traveling to meet single men or women to find love online in another city. (Yes, I’ve done this myself).
If you’ve just moved and are the new face in town, chances are you don’t have a social network to rely on. This is where Internet dating can become your best digital friend.
Take for example, our Cyber Love Story couple, Sophie and Greg who met on JDate. Sophie was from Paris. Greg resided in Los Angeles. After 5-months of corresponding online, the two met. They had a whirlwind romance and were married in eight months. Sophie happily relocated to Los Angeles.
On Catholic Match, success couple John and Krystina didn’t let distance get in the way. John had just relocated to Michigan. He had hoped to meet someone close to home, but fell in love with Krystina, who resided in Massachusetts. Eighteen months later, the couple became engaged.
Recently, I was interviewed for an article on Match.com for dating advice magazine, Happen. In the article, Love: Make Your Move on how to find love online and offline when you move to a new city, I provided some tips for those who are willing to widen their search or have just relocated to a new city.
Online Dating Profile Makeover tips
“You should overhaul your online dating profile every few months. This is especially the case when you’re moving to a new city. Add some recent photos and start your ‘About Me’ section with something like, “I’ve just relocated from Chicago and am new in town.”
Offline Dating Strategy
Don’t forget your off-line strategies, says Julie Spira (www.cyberdatingexpert.com), a Los Angeles author, blogger and public speaker. “Introduce yourself to your neighbors and let them know that you’re single,” she suggests. “Find clubs and activities that match your interests and join them.”
Would you move for love? Are you presently in a long-distance relationship with someone you met online?
Your comments are welcome and if you get a moment, follow me on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/JulieSpira
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and coach. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories.
Dating Advice – When You’re Not a Priority
Dear Julie,
Hi there. I wanted to run something by you. I’ve been in a serious relationship with this guy for a few years now, and I’m looking for at least a hint of commitment from him. On the surface, it appears that we have everything together — both well educated, accomplished individuals who have lots of friends and strong family ties. But, there have been a series of red flags that lead me to believe that this is just a relationship of convenience for him. It was my birthday last week and he completely forgot and actually went out with his guy friends that night 
I know, not so good huh?? Worse yet, when I told him about it a few days later when he was at my apartment, he gave the most insensitive remark of all time: “well, there’s always next year.” I was taken aback to say the least.
Once I regained my bearings, I took two steps forward and delivered a stinging slap to his face for that remark. His response (as he’s standing there holding his jaw) “Well how about dinner tonight?” Strike two. I pointed to the door and he got the message loud and clear. I’ve given him the silent treatment over the past week. What would you do?
Karen
Hi Karen,
Thank you for your email and for reaching out for advice.
I have to wonder, why would you want a commitment for someone who doesn’t make you a priority in his life?
When you know for sure there are red flags, you should write them down. Ask yourself if you’d want your best friend to be in a relationship like this, or would you encourage her to find someone who has her on a pedestal.
A birthday to a woman is like Valentine’s Day. All men know that. To disappoint you on a day like that is very hurtful. He made it clear by forgetting that you’re lower on the totem pole than his friends are. Sure you may both be well educated and have great times together, but if you’re asking if you’re a convenience after a few years, the answer is pretty clear that it’s yes.
Rather than giving him the silent treatment, it’s time to regain your power. Tell him you’d like to take a break and start dating others. Consider joining an online dating site and fill your calendar with interesting people to meet. You’ll be expanding your social circles and may even find someone who will treat you the way you truly deserve to be treated. You’re not giving him an ultimatum, which men dislike. You’re just taking action with your love life and regaining your power.
If he comes running back to you, think about creating a list of deal-breakers that you can’t live with and discuss them with you. Either he steps up to the plate and won’t want to lose you, or you’ll be free to meet someone who will cherish you.
Keep me posted on your progress. Let me know if you need my help in creating your irresistible online dating profile.
All my best,
Julie
Have a dating question? Interested in relationship advice? Send us your questions and follow Julie on Twitter and Facebook for more dating advice.
To Google, or Not to Google Your Date
Should you Google a date before you meet?
It’s an exciting feeling getting ready for a first date. You can’t wait to learn everything about them, so why not check him or her out on Google? On this episode of Ask the Expert, I was asked the following question:
Dear Julie,
Should I tell my new boyfriend that I Googled him before we met? I know a little bit more about him that I probably should and I don’t want to get caught lying to him later on. What should I do?
Watch my video answer on YourTango and feel free to chime in with your comments.
For more dating advice, visit me on Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and YourTango.com/experts/datingexpert
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