Online dating is much like panning for gold – often, there’s a lot to filter through before anything of value turns up. Key attributes of successful daters include having an open mind and a dedication to what can be a longer process than anticipated.
Passing the various milestones on the way to that special relationship can sometimes also require a little ingenuity and a lot of originality.
The ‘delete’ button can be quick and merciless, so it’s important to think carefully before sending your initial email.
Our friends at eHarmony Canada offer Cyber Dating Expert readers these 6 tips to finding love online in this week’s guest post.
1. Seek out the wheat.
Some in the online dating world complain that the only messages they receive are from undesirable people or those who are not within their search parameters. If this is the case, a simple remedy is to actively seeking out profiles which fit your criteria. Don’t be afraid to write the first message – passivity is a big no-no in the Internet dating world. The competition is fierce and there’s little reward for those who are meek.
2. Take time to read profiles.
Showing that you’ve actually read through someone’s profile is always a good start. Well-respected dating sites such as eHarmony report that messages which include phrases such as ‘good taste’ and ‘you mention’ tend to get high response rates. This is because of the simple fact that they make the recipient feel interesting.
Try and mirror the way a person writes – whether they’re wry, eccentric, earnest or intellectual. Don’t fake it though – if you struggle to think like someone else, they’re probably not a very suitable match.
3. When and when not to compliment.
Compliments aren’t always good. One of the biggest mistakes made in online dating is to compliment someone on their physical appearance. People want to feel like they’re more than just their looks. Instead, compliment them on something that they’ve written or done
4. Keep it short and sweet.
Messages that are overly long can be difficult to reply to. Instead, send no more than three or four sentences while you get to know someone. One of these should ask the recipient a question to encourage a response.
5. No obligation to write back.
It’s important to remember that there are no obligations to reply to every email in online dating. If an in-built sense of courtesy requires that you do write back, keep the message short and to the point. If you don’t want to receive further messages, say that and wish them the best of luck with their search. Trying to take the sting out of a rejection only confuses things.
6. Don’t take it personally
Even the most excellent communication can fall apart. If someone you thought you were building a relationship stops messaging you, don’t blame yourself. People drop out of online dating sites for any number of reasons. As is frequently said, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.
Need a little help with your online dating profile? Online Dating Expert Julie Spira creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Recently on MensFitness.com, I was asked to chime in on some of the huge mistakes both men and women were making in their online dating profiles. As an online dating expert and one who has studied the industry since its infancy, the list could have easily jumped to 50 items. Meredith Bodgas selected her top 10 favorites for the story, 10 Little Ways to Kill Your Online Dating Game. We were glad to contribute to the story.
1. DON’T include a laundry list of turnoffs in your profile.
No one wants to date a guy who’s too judgmental. Instead, mention the traits you do want in a girlfriend. You’ll seem way less negative.
2. DON’T Say you want a “drama-free” woman.
It’s a cliché that will not only turn a woman off, but it sends the message that you’ve got excess baggage regarding your ex. Most women will realize you have unresolved issues from past relationships and probably take a pass. Instead, stick to naming the positive qualities you seek in a mate or a date.
3. DON’T Mention sex in your profile.
Include that, and the ladies may think that you’re looking for a hook up. Worried you’ll wind up with a prude? Don’t. Women know that intimacy’s part of the package if the relationship moves forward.
4. DON’T Start IMing right away.
Many women don’t like receiving IMs from men whose profiles they haven’t read yet. So start the dialogue with an e-mail to give her a chance to check out your details. And hold off on IMing until you’ve exchanged a few e-mails. It’s a digital courtship and you need to know the rules to play the game and win.
5. DON’T Tell a woman she’s hot.
Focusing on the physical makes a woman feel you’re not interested in getting to know the real her. Mention something else you admired about her profile if you want your email to be taken seriously.
6. DON’T Wait too long to ask her out.
I believe you should take your relationship from online to offline after a few e-mails, otherwise, you’ll end up with a digital pen-pal, which isn’t quite the point of online dating. If there’s chemistry after one phone chat, set a date to meet in person.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Share your Success Stories to be featured in our Cyber Love Story of the Week and let us know about your bad dates in our Peril of the Week.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Digital love – Should texting be a part of your dating life?
According to a Rice University study, both men and women are sending text messages to their S.O.’s.
In a recent article on Prevention.com, I shared tips and texting advice to help spice up your love life, along with a few precautions to make sure you don’t end up in the digital doghouse.
1. DON’T overdo it. Sending a simple happy face to your loved one can be a fun and flirty way to brighten up their day, but the overuse of emoticons reduces the effectiveness. In other words, if every message you send is punctuated with a smile or a wink, your partner will find it harder to figure out what you’re really feeling. (And off-topic but related: The overuse of exclamation marks, especially by men, is a turn-off.)
2. DO embrace the quick hello. I’m a big fan of sending a good morning text to your sweetheart. It never hurts to add ‘xoxo’ at the end to put a smile on his face.
3. DON’T send explicit photos. Even if you haven’t been a teenager for decades, sending naked photos via texting can still come back to haunt you. This is the biggest mistake women make. I can’t stress enough that anything you send digitally can and will be shared by others.
4. DO use it for quick updates. Texting is tailor-made for confirming plans or giving a status update to someone who’s waiting on you. If you’re running late for a date or appointment, you should always send a text to let the other party know.
5. DON’T text angry—ever. The problem with relying on text messages is you can’t hear the sound of someone’s voice. A text message sent in jest may be received as hurtful, and cause a fight. If you find a text exchange veering into argument territory, that’s the time to switch over to a phone call or talking in person. Do sleep on it. Just because you can send a text doesn’t mean you should—especially if it concerns your relationship. If you have to get something off your chest, send it to yourself (and only to yourself!) in an email and sleep on it. You might feel differently about it in the morning.
Read full article at PreventionMagazine.com
Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.
Photo Credit: LiveStock – Fotolia.com
When singles initially sign up for an online dating site, they tend to think it will be smooth sailing. They expect to check their in-box the next day and see it full of messages from attractive, successful singles who are excited to meet them. Unfortunately, it’s not always a perfect world. Some online daters spend hours perfecting their profiles and uploading their best photos; yet still feel disappointed at the lack of emails.
Here are five surprising reasons from our friends at We Love Dates, as to why you might not be getting enough email messages online.
1. Your profile is like a laundry list.
While it’s a good idea to be specific about what you’re looking for, if you use your profile as a checklist of the qualities a date must absolutely have, you’re likely to run the risk of appearing too picky.
Online dating is a two-way street. Rather than just stating what you’re looking for, let someone know what you can bring to the relationship. If you’re describing a perfect person who doesn’t exist, those reading your profile will assume they’ll fall short and will move on to another pretty face.
2. Your photos are inconsistent.
It’s so important to upload photos that show how you look today, not those from the hot trend five years ago. Even if you think you looked better last decade, those photos are not an accurate reflection of how you appear today. Singles will check out your Facebook profile to see if you dating profile resembles the real you. Looking different in each photo will cause confusion and he’ll be quick to hit “next.
3. You’re too negative.
Dating can be extremely difficult, but your online dating profile isn’t the place to air your grievances about your ex boyfriend or about not getting your spousal support check. Being negative in your profile shows that you’re potentially not over past experiences that have hurt you, or are a real life “Debbie or Donnie Downer.” Both of these qualities are not attractive. Plus, if you complain so publicly about your dating life, a date might worry about what’s next on your complaint list. He may have just run away from a nagging girlfriend or wife and doesn’t want a repeat performance. Try to remain positive and be more like the person you’d actually want to date.
4. Your profile is filled with typos and incorrect grammar.
When your profile is a mess grammatically, it tells the world that you haven’t put very much effort into the process. Simply put, it’s far from irresistible. If you wouldn’t dream of posting a Linkedin profile with typos and bad grammar, know that your dream date wouldn’t consider you as a likely prospect for love either. It’s not necessary to be an award-winning essayist, but using spell-check goes a long way to make a good first digital impression. Take it a step further and ask a friend to proofread your profile to catch any errors you might have missed. Your profile is the first glance you’re giving potential dates, so invest the time and energy to make it the best it can be.
5. You’re on the wrong dating site.
There are over 1500 online dating sites, with new ones popping up every week. Online dating sites aren’t one-size fits all. If you find that one particular site isn’t working out for you, don’t give up on online dating completely. Find another site with more members or try a niche site based upon your unique interests. The menu of online dating sites caters to specific religions, activities or ages, and can also be divided based upon casual dating or finding a serious relationship or marriage. There are plenty of success stories in our Cyber Love Story of the Week from a variety of dating sites. Experiment and find out what online dating sites work for you.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. As the top digital matchmaker, Julie creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt Newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Photo credit: © dundanim – Fotolia.com
Just one grammatically incorrect sentence in an online dating profile can turn off a potential date from responding to your email or contacting you. Has your Internet dating profile been proof-read and passed the spell-check and grammar check?
On National Punctuation Day, we challenge everyone to review their dating profiles and double check their emails before pushing the send button. We know that auto-correct software sometimes has a digital mind of it’s own. This can result in blowing your chances with that cute hunk that you think might be “the one.”
Simple things such as making sure that words such as “I” are capitalized and that you avoid using acronyms and emoticons are critical if you want to be at the top of his or her list.
Remember to proof read your emails before pressing the send button and take an extra moment today to review your profiles.
If you’re looking for a profile that’s irresistible, contact us for more information on Irresistible Profiles to help you attract your dream date.
Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating and relationship expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Our friends at We Love Dates have contributed a guest blog on a serial dating condition which many are sadly suffering from called, “Online Dating Addiction.”
Most people sign up for an online dating site with clear intentions – they want to meet someone wonderful and get offline as fast as possible. Many go into it as a quick fix, and they wouldn’t fathom someone would choose to stay online rather than go live happily ever after in the real world; but it happens all too often.
With Internet dating, your choices and options are endless. Some men and women think they can do just a little bit better with the next click. If a woman is looking for a 6-foot tall man with a great career who likes sushi, chances are her search results may reveal fifteen or more men who might meet her criteria in their neighborhood. Why settle for one of the bunch when you can try them all out, so to speak?
Digital dating is a double-edged sword. Having a multitude of options and choices at your fingertips is one of the very best things about online dating and why so many are huge advocates of finding love on the Internet. However, it can become a slippery slope and form a condition called, online dating addiction. The trouble starts when someone becomes obsessed with checking their online dating in-box and craves virtual attention to the point of letting it control them. It’s one thing to be excited to log on; it’s quite another to put your job or relationships with friends and family in jeopardy because you obsessively log on every fifteen minutes.
Another common issue associated with online dating addiction is a user’s inability to commit to someone in the “real world” because they don’t want to lose the chance of finding someone “better” online. Addicted to the thrill of the hunt and driven by a personal challenge, they become terrified they are going to miss out on someone a few clicks away, and subsequently their real world relationship begins to suffer. So that 6 foot tall sushi lover, for example; well-what if there is another guy who is 6’2 who makes just a bit more money? The options are endless…sometimes, unfortunately.
All of these options can make it nearly impossible to focus on the person who is right in front of you because your mind is always playing a game of “Who else can I get?” There is a difference between defining what you want in a date or partner and being completely unrealistic that you’re going to find someone who is the absolutely most perfect person for you, especially when your definition of perfect keeps changing. As a result, some singles spend their lives looking for someone who probably doesn’t exist.
If you find yourself displaying any warning signs of online dating addiction, it might be time to take a break and cut the virtual cord temporarily. In a world filled with so many options, sometimes it’s best to step back and reflect on what is truly important to you. Remember that people are more than just their shiny, perfectly composed profiles and that when it comes to true love, your options shouldn’t be endless. Online dating should be the means to an end, not the main attraction.
Liz is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site. She’s battled online dating addiction and won. For more dating advice and tips, visit the popular We Love Dates blog.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert, bestselling author, and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Photo credit: Stuart Miles – Fotolia.com
You know it’s important to date your mate or significant other after the honeymoon phase is over, but it’s easy to get caught up with work deadlines and juggling your calendar.
As a dating expert, my number one piece of advice is for couples to create the ritual of scheduling a ‘Date Night’ every week. This can actually save your relationship from fading away. Not sure where to start?
Here are 5 Relationship tips to keep your date sizzling both online and offline.
1. Select a day and stick to it. Make sure you know your date night won’t be pre-empted by a baseball game or a standing nail appointment and stick to it. Know that every week on the same evening, you’ll be scheduling a romantic evening for you and your honey. Date night is sacred. Hire a babysitter or dog sitter and take a pass on the happy hour invite. If you’re sweetheart is out of town, schedule a Skype date as we know that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
2. Take turns on scheduling plans. Every week, you and your honey should alternate as to who selects the outing. Get creative. It can be as simple as in-room-dining by candlelight, to finding events to attend such as comedy shows, movies, plays, or free concerts. It doesn’t have to break the bank, so check out Groupon, Living Social or the free outdoor concerts in your area.
3. Pre-date night foreplay. Show some enthusiasm and excitement leading up to your date. Leave a love note on your pillow or send a sexy text messages to each other in anticipation of your special night. Take out the lingerie that has been collecting dust in your bureau and wear it all day long. Let him know in a text message. He’ll be anxious to leave work, perhaps even a little bit earlier than usual.
4. Leave the boardroom behind. If you have had a fight with your boss or are worried about an upcoming presentation, take a break from talking about it on date night. There’s plenty of time to talk about work outside of your special evening. He wants bedroom eyes, not boardroom drama.
5. Memorialize it. Be your own love historian. Bring your iPhone to take cute photos and videos, log onto Instagram and post a lovey-dovey shot of you and your your sweetheart, and upload them to your photo sharing account on Flickr or to Facebook. If you’ve already announced to the world that you’re “In a Relationship,” use Facebook’s timeline to announce your first kiss or vacation together. Upload your favorite shot of the two of you onto your desktop for quick viewing in between date nights and keep it handy on your mobile phone.
The simple ritual of creating a date night can help you become as excited as you did during the first three months of dating, and can last for months, years, or decades to come.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She was a very early adopter of online dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie helps shorten the search so you can happily ride into the digital sunset together. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and follow Julie @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Pheromone Parties. Could they be a new substitute for frustrated online daters? I was asked by CBS News to comment on the new trend that started in Los Angeles. Before the story went live, I posted the question on our Facebook page, with over an overwhelming response that singles believe the nose doesn’t always know.
Would you go to a pheromone party and how does it work?
Basically singles who participate must sleep in a tee shirt for several days, drop their sweaty tees’ into a jiffy bag, freeze them for three days, and bring them to a cocktail party for their potential date or mate to sniff their way to love. Is this a good way to start a relationship?
Is it chemistry, science, or just a passing fad?
Often singles get frustrated with both the bar scene and online dating in general. Having a “hook” to get singles together to meet in-real-life is a terrific idea. I look at Pheromone parties as a modern day replacement of wine-and-cheese parties. However, I question the desire of the masses to sniff out the armpits of tee-shirts that people have slept in for several days. Perhaps it’s something to try once, but don’t retire your online dating profile while in search of the perfect scent.
We know that certain scents will always be a turn-off for some, such as shirts permeated with the smell of cigarette or cigar smoke, or just plain old gym-sweat. However, some colognes or scents might remind someone of a former sweetheart and can increase your desire to meet that person. At the end of the day, finding someone compatible usually comes down to similar values and interests. If someone’s body-oder is a turn-off, you’ll know pretty quickly.
What did our Facebook friends have to say?
I asked our thousands of friends and followers, both male and female, single and married, to comment on Facebook.
Let’s hear it from the girls
Robin said, “Pheromone’s should be natural between people attracted to each other. Call me square but I wouldn’t be ready for something like that…”
Karyn said, “No. Only in L.A.”
Shelly chimed in with, “Oh my!”
Debbie said, “Not sure, but it is interesting to think about!”
Sara said, “You’d be smothered by Drakkar…..gross.”
Barbara said, “No. I like the smell of soap.”
Cindy said, “”LOL. Are you kidding?”
Rachel said, “Read about that. Creepy and gross.”
Let’s hear it from the boys
Jay said, “Not. I miss the old days of meeting a beautiful woman at a rock concert……..”
Peter said, “Saw a report on CNN on that the other day. No! C’mon people?”
Guy said, “I can see a new section on Jdate.com for this…..”
Ernie said, “LOL…LOL…are you kidding?”
Glenn said, “Hipsters will bite into anything new won’t they?”
David said, “Might work if I was a beagle….”
Mike said, “No! C’mon people?”
The married men chimed in
Gil said, “Well, AFTER we were married, my wife always wanted me to leave a worn shirt with her when I was away on trips. Sleeping with my scent comforted her.”
Ed said, “I’m sure glad that I’m an old married guy! : )
Only Mark seemed to think it was a viable dating option by saying, “Haven’t been having that much luck lately with my dates, so why not?”
Read the full article on CBS – KNXT, Las Vegas Pheromone Parties: A Scientific Way for Singles to Mingle
Would you go to a Pheromone party in your city?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. Her irresistible profiles help singles on the dating scene shorten their search to ride off into the digital sunset. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Photo credit: © Lorelyn Medina – Fotolia.com
With over 200 million people worldwide looking for love online, it becomes a crowded digital marketplace. Singles want to find a meaningful connection and often find themselves with an unexpected shopping cart mentality. It often can’t be helped as online dating is a numbers game.
As an online dating expert, I hear from both men and women who want to connect with more people, more quickly. But is more always better and can this expedited way of connecting actually backfire on you? I say yes.
When *Jim, a successful guy in his 40s came to me frustrated with Internet dating and was ready to finally settle down, he wanted to use the “wink” feature on Match.com. He felt that he was a good catch and the women would be thrilled to receive his winks. I disagreed.
A wink, flirt, poke, or anything that is not engaging is like old-fashioned broadcasting. It’s unilateral and frankly, quite lazy. In the time that Jim could carve out to wink to 100 potential women waiting for 10% to return the wink, he could have crafted a personalized email to 10 women that would have made a difference. Sure these features make it easy to be fun and flirty, but a serious woman, the kind of woman who was beautiful inside and out and also wanted to settle down and find a meaningful relationship, wouldn’t settle for just a wink or a canned introduction. Would you? Jim shifted his technique and in the third month of his membership, he met a woman that he decided to date exclusively. She wasn’t the recipient of one of his winks.
Sure winks can come in handy. Take *Jane for instance. She’s never been married and is adorable. She noticed that *Mike had viewed her profile and thought she’d like to meet him. She wondered why Mike hadn’t written to her after viewing her profile, so she sent him a flirty wink and went her merry digital way. Mike recognized Jill’s profile and hadn’t written to her as she specifically said she wasn’t interested in meeting someone with children. Jill had hoped to find someone to have a family with and didn’t think being a step-mother to three girls fit in with her plan. Mike winked back and the two have been together for several years now, where Jill now adores Mike’s children.
Does this mean that a woman can wink to a man to give him the cue that she’s interested, but a man can’t wink at a woman as she’ll find his behavior lazy?
Online dating, or any type of dating for that matter, has a double-standard. Men like to pursue women. Women like to be courted. At the end of the digital day, when in doubt, I say don’t wink. Take the time and effort to put into a smaller group of people who you think you have enough in common with to warrant a conversation, both online and offline.
Do you or don’t you wink? Do you think it’s gender specific?
Your comments and thoughts are welcome.
Photo Credit: © kebox – Fotolia.com
*Names have been changed
Julie Spira is top online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
It’s no surprise that it’s competitive online. Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon, but often your profile is ho-hum. The result is your inbox may be rather empty. There’s no need to quit after a week or a month, but you should think about having a digital facelift to ramp up your search.
Before you hang up your digital hat, know that it doesn’t take an army to help you create an irresistible online dating profile, but just like a good newspaper or magazine article, you do need to stand out in the crowded marketplace.
Here are five tips that you can try on your own. If you need a little hand-holding, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com and we’ll get you started in no time.
Tips for Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile
1. Create a Catchy Screen Name. Stumped as to what’s catchy? You’d be surprised how many people take the random name assigned by the computer. Suzie12389 isn’t as catchy as BalletDancerinNY. If you’re still scratching your head and your favorite name is taken, remember the lyrics to a song that you were singing to in the car. How Music Can Enhance Your Online Dating Profile
2. Be Specific. While browsing through profiles, you might notice that so many just seem to look alike. Who wants to date a plain vanilla when they can have sugar and spice or cookies and cream? Don’t say you like music. Say you like classic rock music and are a Bruce Springsteen fanatic as you grew up in New Jersey. Who knows? You might get invited to a concert. Don’t say you like to travel, but say you loved skiing in Lake Tahoe one winter at a specific ski resort. Get the picture?
3. It’s all About the Photos. If hiring a professional photographer is in your budget, it’s an excellent idea. Perhaps you don’t need to buy that extra dress on sale. If not, grab a friend with a digital camera and snap about 100 photos in 5 different outfits. You can always fall back on browsing the photos you’ve uploaded on Facebook to add to your profile. Men are visual. If you look like you’re photo, he’ll be pleasantly surprised and will let you know. Most men are disappointed when you post photos from your Senior Prom, or that are a decade old. Post 3-5 photos, and remember to make one of them a full-length shot. Hint: He might be checking Facebook to see if your online dating photos resemble those you’ve posted on Facebook.
4. Leave the Novel at Home. There’s no need to reveal all. Sometimes, less is more. Profiles with over 200 words will be looked over after the first few sentences. It’s best to leave some mystery for your phone conversations and when you meet in real life.
5. Leave the Baggage Behind. Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, ex-spouse, or ex-boss for that matter, no one wants to hear your dirty laundry. Avoid being the “Debbie Downer” of online dating and write about things you love. Everyone has had a bad date or two, but it’s not worth broadcasting. Ask yourself what you’re the most passionate about and let your potential date know what brings you joy.
At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. With over 120 million people worldwide logging on looking for love, there’s no better way to fill your date card until you find “the one.”
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating and relationship advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.