Wondering if you should stay put or change your zip code on your online dating profile to cast a wider net? Yahoo Travel has released their Top 10 Best Cities for single daters in time for Valentine’s Day.

California was the only state with two winners, including San Francisco and San Diego. One can only hope that you’ll take the romantic drive up or down the coast and stop in Los Angeles to take in the new art contemporary buildings at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

The Top 10 Best Cities for Dating includes:

Austin

Home of the University of Texas and the SXSW Interactive Conference, music lovers will enjoy walking up and down 6th Street holding hands with their date.

Boston

This college-friendly town is filled with intellects from Harvard and MIT for stimulation conversations.

Chicago

This town screams culture and sophistication. Men are chivalrous and your date will most likely best well-dressed for the occasion.

Miami

From trendy South Beach to sunshine year-round, you’ll feel like you’re on vacation while dating in this town. No passport required.

New Orleans

Can I admit that one of my most romantic business trips ever was in the arms of the man I loved in New Orleans. Yes, we did the carriage ride and ate beignets at Cafe du Monde. I wonder if he still remembers it as well? You’ll feel like you’re on a movie set with your date.

New York City

I’ve been known to change my zip code to a New York city address a week before my business trips to the Big Apple. From culture and museums, to Broadway shows, this list would not be complete without New York on the list.

Phoenix and Scottsdale

I have fond memories of a romantic Valentine’s weekend in Phoenix, complete with spa treatments, a golf lesson, and fine dining. In season, the weather can’t be beat.

San Francisco

This city has been compared as the New York of California. Known for high-tech and culture, who wouldn’t want to take a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge with your date? The added bonus is it’s a quick drive to Napa and Carmel, so take in a wine tasting while you’re there.

Seattle

I was surprised this city was on the list, but if you schedule your trip during the SeaFair festival, it’s one of the highlights on their event calendar.

Do you have a favorite romantic city? Is your city on this list? Share us your romantic dates with us on our Facebook page.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt . Follow Julie @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Dear Julie,

I am stuck. I am 51-year old female who’s only had about 3 dates since my divorce 5 years ago.I am reasonably attractive, personable smart, intelligent and a good listener–but am very shy about putting myself out there again.

However, I lack confidence in my ability to attract a man.
I recently relocated back to my hometown after being gone for 20 years–and well, everyone is married.

I was one of the many displaced in the recession and have been searching for work–with limited success–for a while now and keep thinking I need to get that part of my life settled before I date. Is that true?

Where does the over-50 crowd go to find dates with someone young at heart? I don’t drink so don’t spend much time in bars.

Signed Lonely in MKE

Dear Lonely in MKE,

I know how frustrating this is to have to start life over and start dating after a divorce. You’re back in your old city, but with a whole new group of rules. It’s hard when your friends are all married and think in even numbers.

First, the good news, is there are more avenues to meet quality single men when your friends aren’t fixing you up anymore. Just this week a research study was released showing that online dating is now the second most popular way to meet singles, after personal introductions from friends and friends-of-friends.

Second, since you’re the new kid back in town, and you should be asking everyone to fix you up. Don’t get frustrated when you hear they don’t know anyone. Keep asking.  My mother always told me that good men become available, either when their wives or girlfriends don’t appreciate them, or if they lose a spouse to death. These guys don’t stay available for too long. There’s always a window for them and they do want to reconnect and not be alone.

Third, yes, you need to find a job now, but think about casting a wide net while you’re looking for your dream job. While you’re meeting people and talking to potential companies, you might be making a new friend, meeting interesting co-workers, or even find someone to introduce you to a friend of theirs.  You need to expand your social and business network outside of just your married friends, and there’s no better way to do than than online.

I speak with men all the time over 50. Boomer dating is growing in popularity.  They are just as frustrated as you are. A recent Match study on Singles in America, showed that men have a strong desire for a serious and intimate relationship as they get older.  With Valentine’s around the corner, singles really are looking to connect, and for meaningful relationships. So, grab your computer, log onto an online dating site and create your profile. You’ll be listed as “new” and will get more men looking at your profile. Don’t be afraid to initiate contact. Look at who has viewed your profile and reach out and say hello.

Wishing you much love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie

Do you have a dating question?  Newly single? Send us your online dating questions and find out about our dating coaching programs and Irresistible Online Dating Profiles.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.  For more dating advice, Sign up for our Weekly Flirt, Like us on Facebook and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Wondering if you should wear red or pink this Valentine’s Day? I’m a firm believer that red the perfect color to wear year-round for your online dating profile, as well as on a first date. But don’t take my word for it. I reached out to Image Consultant Kimberly Seltzer, who agreed, it’s best to be the Lady in Red this Valentine’s Day. Kimberly compares Valentine’s outfits to Halloween for a little bit of fun.

“Both holidays give you a chance to dress up and perhaps wear something a little risqué that you perhaps wouldn’t normally wear,” says Kimberly.  “No matter if you are celebrating with your man, going out with your girlfriends to attract a new one or just pampering yourself on Valentine’s Day, put on something that makes you feel special, alive and sexy.” Seltzer encourages singles and women in a relationship to put on their little black dress, throw on a pair of high heels and pile on the vanilla-flavored lip-gloss.

Here are Kimberly’s 5 easy red-hot tips that will surely shoot an arrow right into any man’s heart.

1.     Feel Sexy—What men find sexy in a woman is when she herself feels sexy.   Men notice your sexual confidence in the way you dress, walk, move your body and smile.  Wear something that makes you feel sexy and sensual.   So put on a dress that you feel confident and a little daring in.  This doesn’t mean you have to show your mid-drift or fall out of your dress. Guys would much rather undress you with their eyes and leave things to the imagination than display it all right there.  Part of being sexy is leaving them with a sense of intrigue and curiosity.  If you give it all away to them, they may not have the desire to want more.  For example, wear a fitted red dress that shows your curves and just teases the man with a low cut-out back.  Or perhaps you want to go more casual and sport a leather jacket with a lacy cami peeking through.

Use fabrics that are great against your skin and touchable. Cashmere, silky satin, and buttery soft suedes are the real scene-stealers. Touchable fabrics not only invite another’s touch, they have the added bonus of feeling great against your skin so you feel pampered and sexy.  Find fun and unique ways to express your sensuality!

2.      Dress Feminine—Men absolutely love a soft womanly touch.  A dress, skirt and heels can make any man’s heart skip a beat.  Display your feminine sexuality with flowing hair or an attractive hairdo, nice nails, makeup and discreet displays of bare skin, plus colorful clothes and jewelry that are eye-catching signs of femininity.  And ladies, no corporate blazers please!  Your dress should be flirty, flowy and gorgeous.  Perhaps it is romantic and completely easy like a soft silk in a red and off-white combination.  Or maybe it is a tight fitted LBD worn with sleek patent red pumps.  And while you are at it, remember to laugh, smile, create softness and be light and open on your date with your man.  He’ll appreciate your receptive and delicate attitude and style.

3.     Wear Heels—A man will love the way you move in a pair of high heels.  There are three reasons why men’s jaw drop when you slip on the stilettos.  They love the way the shoes make your legs look, how they make you walk and move your body and how it exudes femininity.  Find the perfect footwear to go with that Valentine’s dress.  Think sexy, strappy, sparkly and high!  Feel a little unsteady in the skyscrapers?  Try a pair of platforms with a thicker heel to give you more support.

4.     Smell Amazing—Explore a new signature fragrance that captures your man’s attention.  Several studies show that vanilla-flavored perfumes can intoxicate his senses.  But perhaps he prefers something a little fresh and floral with a hint of citrus.  Notice those fragrances that get a reaction and go with it!  You might also want to try a new body lotion to put all over your body in unexpected places.

5.   Be Daring and Add A Surprise—If you have been with your beau for a while, most likely there is an element of monotony in your relationship and in the way you dress.  Even if you are going out with your girlfriends or you are with a new man, it’s important to infuse a little variety in your life which can help you give off new and exciting energy.  Spice things up by wearing something a little different for you.  Perhaps you secretly wear a new red lacy thong with a matching bra under your Valentine’s dress.  Or nothing attracts attention quite like a hat. First, it takes guts to wear one.  Second, it takes panache to carry it off.  Combine the two qualities and you get major sex appeal.

Whatever you decide to wear, enhancing and focusing on your Valentine attitude and your wardrobe will boost the way you feel about yourself, thus boosting your chances for love on this special day.

Visit Kimberly at www.eliteimagemakeovers.com for a complete dating image consultation.

By now you’ve probably heard the good news. Online Dating has officially lost its stigma and now ranks second in the U.S. for matchmaking.  Whether you’ve met your dream date or spouse by answering 250 questions on eHarmony or answered some intimate questions on OkCupid, one thing’s for sure, online dating is no longer for the socially challenged. It’s here to stay and is now residing primarily on your mobile phone or iPad.

A group of 5 researchers collected data on the subject and claim that these dating algorithms are nonsense. The report claims that online dating encourages a “shopping mentality” and that singles are getting too picky with too many choices. Do you agree? Is it just the luck of the draw, or is there some magic to the proprietary methods Internet dating sites use to keep you engaged and active on their site?

Dating algorithms and scientific matching were a subject of heated panel at the recent Internet Dating Conference in Miami, where Dr. Eli J. Finkel, the study’s lead author and an associate professor of social psychology at Northwestern University, said there was no science behind the algorithms. OkCupid’s CEO and co-founder Sam Yagan and Dr. Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle, who created the Personality Profiler for online dating site Perfect Match, vehemently disagreed. The sites stood by their list of questions to help singles meet better matches, whether through math or science.

At the end of the digital day, online dating has become social dating, and it’s not going away anytime soon.

How do you feel about personality profiles on Chemistry, Perfect Match, and eHarmony.com? Do you believe you’ll get better matches? Are you finding it hard to commit with too many choices in your inbox?

Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.  Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

We sure love these Infographics, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and online dating.

The Truth About Online Dating created a fun one for Valentine’s Day with statistics about Online Dating: Men vs. Women, by grabbing statistics from OkCupid and Wikipedia

Are you surprised at these results? Men lie three times as much as women about their relationship status, age, and real last names on a first date.

In addition, 50% of men didn’t smile on their online dating profiles? What’s up guys? Women want to see a happy man just as much as you’d like to see a confident smiling woman.

Full post @The Truth About Online Dating

As we’re counting down to Super Bowl Sunday in Indianapolis, whether you’re rooting for the New York Giants or the New England Patriots, one thing is for sure. It’s going to be an emotional and exciting 9 days for both men and women alike. Do men hate Valentine’s? Do women love the Super Bowl halftime show?

I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men. In my article on eHarmony Advice, I give the comparison on these two events in early February. I hope you enjoy the article and learn why the opposite sex feels the way they do. It’s a double-header this month, so enjoy the ride.

Meanwhile, our friends at Zoosk just released their second annual Super Bowl survey of 1000 single women to find out they really do enjoy watching the game. So instead of a guys-only day, bring your date as their poll showed that 66% of females think that watching the game is the best part, as compared to 20% who only watched the commercials. Meanwhile only 14% of women tune in for the halftime show.

So go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, our special 15 Magic Minutes is going on through Valentine’s Day.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Our friends at Match.com released their second annual Singles in America Study, showing that more men are in favor of committed relationships and public displays of affection than their female counterparts. This is good news as it breaks the stereotype and fear from women who are afraid to bring up the subject of commitment and monogamy while dating.

But how far do both single men and women want to go? The study encompassed over 5000 singles with the help of Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry.com’s chief scientific officer and biological anthropologist, and took a deep look into politics, weight, height, and which political party is having more fun in the bedroom. (Hint: It starts with the letter R)

The majority of the singles in the study said they wanted to be in a committed relationship, and believed that infidelity was a deal-breaker. Yes, even the guys are ready to go steady. However marriage wasn’t a priority. USA Today reports that two-thirds of the singles polled either don’t want to get married, or are unsure about it.

At the end of the digital day, changing your status to “In a Relationship” on Facebook is getting closer-and-closer to how we used to define marriage.

Are you looking for a relationship leading to marriage or would you prefer being in a committed relationship or just living together?

Your thoughts and comments are welcome.

Interested in finding love online? Sign up for Match.com for 20% off your membership or Chemistry.com, where they are offering 14 days free.

Need some help with your online dating profile? Check out our irresistible profiles packages and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for special offers.

Now that it’s February, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. I’ve always said that Valentine’s Day for a woman is like the Super Bowl for men, so pick up some red candy hearts, grab your lipstick, and read our 10 tips to prepare for the Super Bowl of Love, Valentine’s Day.

1. Do discuss Valentine’s Day with the person you are dating. If one of you loves the holiday and the other can’t bear it, come up with a compromise. Valentine’s is on a Tuesday this year. Pick a night for a romantic dinner in between the Super Bowl and Valentine’s and avoid the high-priced dining reservations.

2. Don’t wait until the week before to ask her to spend the Valentine’s with you. If you are dating someone special and you know for sure you’d like her to be your Valentine, ask her out at least two weeks in advance.

3. Do make a dinner reservation for February 14^th, even if you’re dateless on February 1^st. Go ahead and reserve a table and be open to the possibilities. You can always cancel the reservation when it gets closer to Valentine’s Day, if you haven’t already developed a new crush during crunch time.

4. Don’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day in an email or a text message. This is the time for you to either pick up the phone and call or better yet, ask her in person if your relationship is going well.

5. Do try in-room dining this year. Light some candles, cook up a simple meal in the kitchen together and look forward to a steamy dessert.

6. Don’t go overboard with flowers. It’s the thought that counts. Stop by your local grocery story and pick up one long stemmed rose. It has the same impact as the full dozen and is 1/12th the price.

7. Do accept invitations for Valentine’s dances and parties the weekend before February 14^th if you’re single. You won’t feel alone with so many other singles in a fun and flirty setting. Wear pink or red for the occasion and say yes if someone asks you to be his or her Valentine. You may not fall in love with your Valentine, but you might just find a new loyal friend.

8. Don’t make gift giving too much pressure. You may still be paying off your credit card bill from the holidays. A card, a hug, and some lingerie and massage oils will make a memorable evening and won’t break the bank.

10. Do wake up in the morning and wish your loved one a Happy Valentine’s Day in a voicemail, email, or text message to let them know that you’re looking forward to spending the evening together. If you’re friends on Facebook and have posted your status as “In a Relationship,” take it a step further and wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day on their wall.

9. Don’t be blue if you can’t be with your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day. Schedule a SKYPE date, wear red, put on your lipstick, and flirt the night away with your long distance love.

Do you look forward to or dread Valentine’s Day? We’d like to hear your comments.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and Like us at Facebook. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira

Cyber-Dating Expert

This scene may sound familiar. You meet a guy and have an instant connection. You start flirting back and forth and the next thing you know, you’re wondering, Are we in a relationship? Are the feelings mutual?

When Deb wrote to me with this familiar scenario after sending multiple flirty text messages to each the new man she had a crush on, she was concerned that things were moving too quickly. Was she becoming too attached?

Deb now wonders if her new guy is a player as he was also flirting with other women. She became anxious about the situation. Now her dream guy is sending her emails and text messages saying that he loves her. Even more confused, she called him out on his flirtatious behavior, of which he replied, “I get it.” Should she move forward with this guy? What should she do?

Well Deb, some people are born flirts. Instant chemistry is rare and when we find it, we automatically fast-forward our feelings and start thinking about our relationship, our future, marriage, children, the works. But slow down Deb. Why is this guy who’s texting you with love notes flirting with others in the same sentence as he uses the “L” word so freely. Just how many other women does he say that to? Is he waiting to hear it back to feed his ego or is he sincere?

A man who is committed to being in a relationship with you isn’t going to screw it up by making you jealous and putting himself in the position of being discarded, with his phone number permanently deleted on your iPhone and in your heart.

What should you do? Play the field. Yes. There’s no ring on your finger, and hopefully you haven’t been intimate yet. Don’t confuse love with lust. While your emotions and hormones are running at high speed, you don’t know his intentions other than he’s that instant chemistry guy, which can be dangerous. I know this first hand, as I wrote about it in my book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, when I too, had that instant chemistry with a guy I met. It turned out that he was a major player, and just like the Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, I’ll hum the line, “Players on love you when they’re playing.” It’s a game that can leave you feeling empty and alone.

My advice is simply, to take it slow. Date other men. Don’t sleep with this chemistry guy. Have fun flirting here and there, but don’t assume you’re in a relationship. Some relationships that start off hot-and-heavy, end just as quickly.

Hopefully your guy is different. Perhaps he’s just nervous. Texting can’t replace quality time in person. Take a look at my latest YourTango Experts video, where I address the texting issue in a relationship. Time will tell if your guy is for real and time is a precious gift.

Keep me posted.

Wishing you much love and happiness.

Julie

Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Send your dating and relationship questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and sign up for our Weekly Flirt.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.  

You’ve met that someone special and have great online chemistry. Watch our video to learn the right time to take your relationship from online to offline.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and online dating expert. Click here for more video dating advice and connect with us on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

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