Peril of the Week – No Photo, No Class

The online dating profile of a sophisticated woman simply stated, contact me if my profile piques your curiosity. The response rate was high from men curious to know more about this mysterious woman who was a bestselling author. On the list of her favorite items was the name of a well-respected magazine, Vanity Fair,  which she reads  from cover-to-cover every month to enrich her life.

Sharing hobbies and interests is an important part of your online dating profile. Favorite movies, books, travel spots, they all give an indication of what you like to do in your spare time.

You can’t imagine how stunned she was one day when she received an email from a man without a profile photo. This man decided to make it a point to insult a woman he never met.

His email simply stated  the following:

Photo: None

Subject matter:  He typed the word, “None.”

A bit confused by the introduction, the body of the email was quite insulting. It simply stated:

“Your intelligence can be determined by what you read, and it certainly can be stimulated by penetrating reading.”

“Vanity Fair is definitely not an example of profound literature, but it’s the only reading that apparently you’ve done recently and that you’re proud to share with others. I can’t imagine that your book has any depth if what you’ve been feeding your brain is essentially tabloid trivia.”

On a personal note, the woman who was the recipient of this email was none other than myself. One has to ask, what is the purpose of deliberately insulting someone they have never met? And why hide behind a profile without a photo? My mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” My mother’s dating advice is smart. She’s a wise woman.

Do you have an online dating story to share? For consideration in the Peril of the Week, please send us your stories.

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Peril of the Week – The Donny Downer

You may have heard the stories of the “Debbie Downer” on a date. She’s the girl that talks about all of her problems and turns guys away faster than the speed of lightning. This week, you’ll meet her counterpart, the “Donny Downer.” Our online dating story this week is about the tale of the gentleman who came completely unprepared for his date. He didn’t rehearse his conversation on the long drive to lunch.

When they sat down at the restaurant, he first complained about the calorie count of the entrees. She smiled and changed the subject. Then he complained about his bad back and asked her if she had any back problems. He went on to talk about his father’s dementia and his mother’s hospital stay. She didn’t believe in bringing her medical history to the table.

The conversation then switched to the financial and gambling problems his adult son had. She wondered why he thought she needed to know. In between the appetizer and entree, he managed to talk about his two ex-wives.

Finally, he asked her what she thought of Obama as the President of the United States and talked about how awful he was in doing his job as the leader of our country. She preferred not to talk about politics.

Here’s my dating advice for this situation.  Please leave the baggage behind. Conversations about the ex, financial, and health problems shouldn’t be on the top of your list on a first date. Keep your first date positive, upbeat and light.  He was a classic “Donny Downer.” Although he might have been a nice guy, he wasn’t about to get to a second date.

Do you have an online dating story to share? For consideration in the Peril of the Week, please send us your stories.

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Peril of the Week – The Movie Date

I personally believe that chivalry is alive and well. I find it quite sexy and appealing when a man opens a door, pulls out a chair, and takes care of your parking on a date.  Like it or not, it’s also usually customary for a gentleman to treat the woman on a first or second date. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, but the one who does the asking, is usually the same one who picks up the tab.

And so the story goes with the intelligent “shrink to the stars” who invited his online date to go see a movie. The two had their first date the week earlier and the conversation just flowed. It only seemed appropriate when he contacted her the following day to put a second date on the calendar. He suggested a movie and let her make the selection. The theatre was decided upon and they were scheduled to meet at 7:00pm.

As it got closer to their meeting time, the gentleman sent a text message saying that he was running late for their movie date. He requested that she pick up the tickets and she complied. When he arrived, she handed him the tickets and he made a huge mistake. He didn’t offer to pay her back for the tickets. A bit stunned, she wondered why, considering he had asked her to the movies. They met in an adjacent bar prior to showtime. When the menu arrived, he asked what she would like to drink. The woman suggested a mid-priced glass of sparkling wine.

What she didn’t expect to hear when he placed the order was the following. “We’ll have one glass of sparkling wine with two glasses.” Basically, he wanted to split one drink. There was nothing romantic about splitting a drink with someone she recently had met. He didn’t want to splurge on two drinks, nor did he want her to have a complete drink. It was a first for her, and a last date for them.

Understandably, dating can get expensive. But, first impressions mean a lot and chivalry is still alive and well. My dating advice: Gentleman, please don’t request to split a glass of any beverage on a date with someone. You’d be better off ordering water for yourself, and allowing the lady to have her very own beverage. Add that to the unreimbursed movie tickets, and it became a dating disaster.
Do you have an online dating story to share? For consideration in the Peril of the Week, please send us your stories.

Peril of the Week – The Concession Stand Blow Up

After years of being on and off her favorite online dating site, a young attractive woman finally found a keeper. At least that what she thought. She named her new beau, “Tech Guy.”

The two had been dating for about four months. They enjoyed romantic dinners, wonderful day-outings and Friday movie nights on the couch.  They were a true couples and things were going well.

Like many couples, they were definitely moving from the honeymoon stage into a real relationship. Tech Guy loved soccer and decided to take his date to one of the season’s big games.

When the two got to the game, they cuddled up under a blanket and cheered Tech Guy’s team on… until halftime.  At the break, she wanted a snack and some hot chocolate, so she and Tech Guy headed towards the concession stand. The line was long, and her guy was getting antsy. After 15 minutes the line was moving, but very slowly.  Her beau started to turn red with frustration. Finally a few minutes later, when they were only one person away from ordering. It went something like this…

Guy in line getting out his wallet to pay: “Oh no. We need one more hot chocolate and some nachos.”
Tech Guy: “Seriously? You just ordered and couldn’t remember that? Get the f&!% out of the way.”
Guy in line: “What?”
Tech Guy: “You had 20 minutes to figure out what you wanted to order and are now taking way too much time. Hurry up!”
Guy in line: “Dude, chill out.”

Tech Guy now went INSANE. His date had to step in to avoid a full blown fight and never got her hot chocolate. The two got thrown out of the game.  As you can imagine, the relationship didn’t work out. It was a good date, gone bad. Concession stands and soccer fans are not high on her list for future online dates.

The Peril of the Week was contributed by My Life on Match and More

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Peril of the Week – Switch and Bait

Sandra was looking for love online and after a bad experience, she learned to spend more time on the phone getting to know her date before agreeing to meet in person. The gentleman on the other end of the line sounded good enough.  He offered to meet her at a fine dining restaurant, which sounded to her better than the usual, “Let’s meet for coffee.”

But when she arrived, he said, “Oh, my goodness. It closes for lunch. But look — there’s a McDonald’s down the street.”
Sandra ordered a burger and French fries. Saying he’d had a late breakfast, he ordered a coke, but then hungrily proceeded to make her fries disappear in a private pool of ketchup.  Between morsels, he launched into a lecture on how sex was good for the complexion and circulation, and, by the way, there’s a nice motel near here and we could have a terrific afternoon improving our complexions.

She refused him politely and said goodbye forever, thinking as she got behind the wheel of her car that he probably would have used her credit card to pay for the motel.

The Peril of the Week was contributed by Howard Eisenberg and Shirley Friedenthal of itsnevertoolatetodate.com

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Peril of the Week – The Bad Date

What makes a date a bad date?

If you ask my friend and neighbor,  Jennifer Kelton, she’ll point you to her terrific site Bad Online Dates. On her site, you can post those dates you had hoped would go well, that ended in the category of a dating disaster. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we feature the Peril of the Week. This time, I thought I’d add in a personal story of my own, along with some dating advice to prevent you from ending up with a date gone bad.

Forgive my bad manners, but during my last bad online date, I sent a text message to Jen saying, ‘Help! I’m on a bad date, but don’t tell anyone.” I received an immediate supportive response from Jen, which said, “I just laughed so hard out loud right now! Are you ok? Other than the fact that you’re on a “bad date.”  She offered to help me with the “family emergency” call and she let me know that she was there for me.  There’s nothing more powerful than your girlfriend network while you are going on a blind date.

Jen coined the phrase bad dates. She produces and directs Bad Date TV. I have a history of writing about my dates, both the good and the bad.
So what exactly defines a bad date and how do you prevent one from happening?

Let’s look at some ways to prevent yourself from a dating disaster so you don’t end up as the Peril of the Week.

1. Trust Your Intuition. Don’t accept a date when the phone conversation doesn’t feel right. If you don’t have any phone chemistry at all or find yourself in an argument with your date before you even meet them, don’t schedule a date. You don’t need a free meal. If you put a date on the calendar, don’t feel badly about canceling. Why waste each other’s time?

My first conversation with my date was awful. We had two weeks of fantastic instant messaging chemistry.  On the phone, he kept interrupting me, arguing with me, and kept telling me how to run my business life, disagreeing with everything I was doing. He was right. I was wrong about everything, so it appeared. I couldn’t get off the phone fast enough. I should have canceled our upcoming date, but felt I was a woman of my word and should follow through. I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. A woman’s intuition is very powerful. You should trust it. I ended up going for sushi with a man who attacked every statement I made. From arguing with me because I didn’t like to eat eel, to ridiculing me because I ordered hot sake. He insisted that cold sake was better. When I said I liked living near the beach, he complained about the fog layer. It went downhill fast. I wondered, “ Why did I subject myself to this?”

2. Take your date from online to offline as soon as possible. In my case, I had great “instant message” chemistry with the date in question.  Since I had communicated with him mostly online,  I broke several of my own rules of netiquette for online daters. I had a good excuse. I had laryngitis.

My date made several attempts to call and get together. I was unable to, but as he was supportive of my voiceless condition, including suggesting a Dr. who could help me, I began to feel more comfortable with this man whom I never met.

If you spend too much time online sending instant messages,  text messages, and emails to someone, you can end up with a false illusion that you are in a relationship. You start to get attached. You are not in a relationship. You are talking to a computer with a photo, that’s all.

3. Never ever text message others while on a date (unless you want your date to end.) I always say, keep the BlackBerry and iPhone off the table. It’s not an accessory. It’s rude and sends a message that you are more interested in someone else other than your date. In this case, I didn’t care that I sent Jen a text. She needed to know. I knew I’d get sympathy from a friend who understood. I believe you should always check in with a friend when you are meeting a date for the first time. I call it the buddy system. If I was really that into him, I wouldn’t notice my cell phone, even if it rang.

4. Always meet your date in a public place and don’t drive together. When my date suggested picking me up at my home and driving for 45 minutes together on what he called a “real date,” I knew enough to say no. I sent him a text that said I always meet someone on a first date and take my own car. If I had been stuck in a car with a controlling argumentative guy, it could have been a problem. I might have ended up on a street corner alone, looking for a cab back home. Better safe, than sorry.

5. Do your homework and study for the quiz. Online dating is a numbers game. However, the more organized you are, the more successful your date will be. In this case, my date thought I had never been married, forgot that I was from the east coast, didn’t remember what I did for a living, and didn’t really seem to care.  If you are on a date, make it personal and keep it light. Take the time to remember something your date wrote in their profile. Think of it like preparing for a job interview for your dream job. Would know the name of the parent company you are interviewing with? Would you know the name of the CEO or city of their headquarters? Did you find out how man years they were in business? Recognize their logo?

Add it all up, and it was a recipe for disaster, before I even arrived at the sushi bar to meet a 50-year old man who was wearing a dangling earring.  It was destined to be a bad date.

So before you go on your next date, make sure you are looking forward to it, be on good behavior, do your homework, ask questions about the other person, take time to listen, and perhaps you’ll make a new friend, even if you don’t end up meeting “the one.”

Julie Spira is a dating advice columnist and online dating expert. She is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Peril of the Week – No Spring Fling, Just a VISA Please

A new online dater shared one of her recent stories about a hot date in the big city. She and her handsome date decide to meet at an ultra-hip sushi restaurant in the heart of Chelsea.

When her date walked into the trendy hotspot, she noticed something a little odd about him. He simply appeared too pretty, too well groomed, and too well dressed. Unlike her past boyfriends, who were handsome and defined the term “metro-sexual”, there was nothing about this date that didn’t appear manly.

Within the first twenty minutes of their date, as they exchanged small-talk, he set down his lychee martini and bluntly said, “Look, I’m actually gay and I’m searching for an American girl to marry. I’ll get my green card, you’ll get whatever you want.”

Looking back she wished there had been a video camera to capture the look on her face. She was confused, disheartened, and dying to laugh all at once. After telling him that she was definitely not interested in a marriage for convenience, he remained a gentleman and they returned to small talk for the rest of dinner, mostly about fashion. It wasn’t a complete dating disaster, but it was a night to remember.

She decided the lychee martini that he ordered that was a red flag, warning her that this handsome date was really not her type.

For consideration in the Peril of the Week, send your online dating stories to CyberDatingExpert.com

Peril of the Week – The Girl with an Extra Accessory

A gentleman recently wrote into the site to tell his story about a woman that he had met online who he really liked.

We all know that first impressions matter.  One will notice your table manners, if you are sending text messages during dinner, or have your iPhone or BlackBerry on the table, it’s typically a turn off and could result in a bad date. All of these issues will make the difference on whether you will make it to the second date or not.

This gentleman had great phone chemistry with his date. He was looking forward to an evening of wining and dining. She apparently was on a strict diet of protein and salad. Although he preferred a more balanced meal, he accepted this….until, she took out a scale that had a rectangular plastic container that she put her salad in to weigh. He understood that she might have been on a diet, but thought she could have estimated its weight vs. actually weighing it in public. That was the end of a romance that could have been. He knew he should have been more sensitive, but wondered, couldn’t she just estimate how much to eat? He thought someone should give her some dating advice and leave the scale behind on her next cyberdate.

If you have an online dating story to share, we’d like to hear from you.

For consideration in the Peril of the Week, submit your stories to CyberDatingExpert.com

Peril of the Week – No Kiss, No Tip

I recently received an email from a woman who described in great detail a dramatic first date.

She and her date connected well online and decided to go to a local wine bar to meet for the first time.

Immediately, she felt there was a nice connection between them. As the glasses of wine turned into dinner, the evening got better. They shared delicious carcuterie plates and good conversation. When they started holding hands during dinner, she felt a second date was imminent. There was that chemistry and magic one dreams of having when they meet someone for the first time. At one point he leaned over to kiss her, but she demurred politely since it was the first date. He didn’t seem to mind her reaction.

At the end of evening, as he escorted her to her car, he bluntly accused her of being a woman looking for a free meal. He didn’t believe she really wanted to be on a date with him.

He told her that he was “appalled” that she didn’t offer to help pay the tip. To add insult to injury, he then said “wow” in annoyed astonishment, turned his back, and walked away.

She was left standing in the darkness shocked, jaws wide open, and speechless.

She wondered, did this all happen because she didn’t kiss him and didn’t offer to help pay for dinner? He didn’t ask for her to contribute. If he was offended or if his expectations weren’t fulfilled in anyway, he could of at least expressed them in a polite and constructive manner. She will never know. She called to apologize for any miscommunication, but in the end she realized it just a bad date and not a match.

For consideration in the Peril of the Week, send us your online dating stories.

The Peril of the Week – No Easy Rider

Imagine that you’re a busy executive looking for love online and you finally connect with a sexy lady whom you share many things in common such as riding motorcycles. This new date was indeed a true biker enthusiast, since right at the beginning she kept on repeating, “You know, there is nothing like a Harley.”

This was great for the guy who was the proud owner of a nice Harley Davidson VRod, one of the most classic and muscular models on the road. The Harley guy and his date were an item for two months. Things were going well–after all–she wanted a “sensitive, intelligent man but with a bit of bad boy…” and his Harley really turned her on.

One day the Harley owner decided to trade in his reliable, bike for a brand new Honda Goldwing, a high performing touring motorcycle. He didn’t ask for her permission or opinion. He pulled up proudly at his date’s doorstep to take her to a party. “When I arrived she looked at me like I had two heads” said the executive.

At the party the couple met a few other motorcycle enthusiasts and when the conversation turned to bikes, his date kept repeating, “There’s nothing like a Harley. There’s nothing like a Harley.” The executive got the message that his lady didn’t like the new Honda because the next day she was uncommunicative and stayed in bed all morning, despite his attempts to talk to her. Later when the new Honda Goldwing owner emailed her suggesting that maybe she needed a Harley guy, she eagerly agreed. The gentleman-biker was immediately dumped because he traded his Harley for a Honda!

For consideration in The Peril of the Week, please submit your stories to CyberDatingExpert.com

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