Dating Advice – Is it OK To Want a Friendship Without the Benefits?
What happens when your ideal guy and you aren’t ready for a commitment? A confused reader asks for dating and relationship advice with her new male friend.
I need your help and have a dilemma. I recently became friends with a guy and we spend a lot of time together. He texts me every day and due to our busy schedules, makes a point of hanging out with me every weekend. He waits from me after work and is an all-around gentleman.
After a month of spending time with him, I started developing feelings for him and I told him so. I told him that I really care for for him and like him, but that I couldn’t be in a committed relationship since I’m trying to focus on graduating college and establishing a life after school.
When I asked him how he felt about me, he responded that he sees us as friends. It was a mature conversation and I told him I could accept that.
Can you explain what is going on in this crazy man’s head, or maybe I’m crazy?
Dear Only Friends,
You have described the ideal man. The type of man every woman dreams of – one who is consistent in his actions, spends every weekend with you, is a complete gentleman, and made you a priority on Valentine’s Day.
Your guy hasn’t tossed you in bed and discarded you for another. In short, he’s a keeper and is hanging in there based upon your rules. You’ve told Mr. Perfect that you can’t have a committed relationship with him, and he hasn’t disappeared. The one thing you aren’t doing is being consistent with your feelings for him. Think about it. You tell him you have feelings for him and in the same breath, tell him you can’t be in a committed relationship? Some of the best relationships start off as friends, so you have the foundation for a good relationship moving forward.
Be happy for the friendship. He’s just respecting the confusing boundaries you’ve set in the relationship. Give him the opportunity to take the lead and see where it goes.
Keep us posted.
All my best,
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Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter.