Dating Advice – First Date Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make
By now you’ve probably heard that online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win and should always put your best digital foot forward when you find that special profile that piques your curiosity. What many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may be the favorite of others looking for love online.
I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates — and you can’t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line.
Here are nine dating rules that will help you put a second date on the calendar.
Flirting with disaster
My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It’s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.
Dressing for the Bedroom
Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn’t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you’re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.
Misusing the Food and Beverage Rule
Dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week. If a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you’d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat, but don’t suggest restaurants that are out of your budget. It’s about getting to know someone, not dining at the fanciest restaurant in town with someone you don’t have chemistry with.
Blabbing About the Ex
I’ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.
Using Your iPhone as an Accessory
Sure, you like connecting with others online. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn’t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you’re on a date.
Becoming Facebook Friends Too Fast
Sure you’re excited about your first date, but should you send a Facebook friends request after your first phone call? I say no. If your date does so, resist the urge to accept it. You don’t know how the date will go, and more often than not, you don’t get to a second date. There’s no reason to scrutinize his or her photos hugging someone thinking it’s your competition, when in fact it’s their cousin.
Not Doing Your Homework
Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you’re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she’s actually been married twice before. A man won’t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he’s really a doctor. Print out your date’s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don’t act like this person’s just another number in a series and that you’re too busy dating around to remember individual details.
Assuming Your in an Instant Relationship
Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be “The One,” don’t start talking about your future together right now. It’s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it’s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don’t start filling up someone’s life as the instant girlfriend or boyfriend. You’ll come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life without them. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable.
Don’t Discard the Dating Duds
Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don’t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she’d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you’ve hit the jackpot.
Have you made any of these first date mistakes and regretted it?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert