As one who has studied and coached singles on the intersection of love and technology for 20 years, it was an honor to be called upon by behavior and relationship reporter Sharon Jayson for her in-depth story in Love 2.0: The Tech Effect on Romance.
Appearing as the cover story of the USA Today Weekend edition, Jayson wrote about a recent study conducted by online dating sites JDate and Christian Mingle in which 1500 singles aged 21-50 shared their thoughts on how mobile phone technology and texting when it comes to matters of the heart.
The USA Today article makes a bold statement. Jayson reports that “Cellphones and texting have blown up the dating culture.”
With the growth of smartphones, popularity of unlimited texting and data plans, it’s no wonder that singles are relying on their mobile phones to set up a date, cancel a date, make dinner reservations, order theater tickets, and yes, unfortunately break up.
In my conversation with Jayson, she asked me how long I believed a person should wait to return a text message. In my expert opinion, I thought 1-4 hours is polite.
The survey showed a surprising amount of singles (25%) believed that a text from a potential date or romantic partner should be returned within one hour. One hour? Think about it. If you’re in a meeting, on a conference call, on an airplane, or your phone is charging, does that mean you’re not interested? My big concern is the growing anxiety associated with response time for text messages, which appears to be shrinking. Another 25% thought 1-3 hours would be appropriate, followed by 12% who believed 4-6 hours would be fine. Responding immediately came in fourth place at 10%.
Does this mean your significant should go into the digital doghouse if you don’t hear from him or her in 1-6 hours?
When I was asked about my thoughts on breaking up in a text message, I was completely against it. However, the survey found that 59% might break up via text and even 24% had no problem breaking up with someone they were exclusively involved with.
Tone doesn’t come through in a text, and that can lead to misunderstandings, especially when a comment gets misconstrued and “your text may not get returned,” suggests cyber-relations and netiquette expert Julie Spira of Los Angeles. She’s author of the 2009 book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, which includes a chapter on netiquette.
The risk of misinterpreted texts is especially high in new relationships.
“There’s so little you know at that point,” Spira says. “You make all these digital assumptions that it’s one-size-fits-all — and it’s not.”
Sure, many celebrities have done so, including Russell Brand who notified Katy Perry of their divorce in a text message, but is it right?
Would you break up with someone in a text message? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She writes about the marriage of love and technology and coaches singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Cyber-Dating Expert and Three Day Rule are teaming up again to bring you Mobile Dating BootCamp.
This year’s contestants will try to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones with a whole new list of mobile dating apps.
Mobile dating apps are all the rage. Ten lucky singles in Los Angeles will be competing to find their dream date.
Last year’s Mobile Dating BootCamp was featured in the Washington Post newspaper.
This year’s mobile dating apps this include:
- Let’s Date
- Match Mobile
- How About We
- Plenty of Fish
Daters will be receiving private coaching from online dating expert Julie Spira and prizes galore from Three Day Rule.
All contestants will meet together at the Mobile Dating Conference in Beverly Hills, where they’ll be generously hosted by iDate to enjoy a catered meal at the SLS Hotel and will share their experiences with Internet dating executives in a focus group panel.
Plus, Uber has generously donated round trip transportation in Los Angeles with a private driver to the hotel for each contestant.
For more information and to apply for your chance to be included, visit MobileDatingBootCamp.com/apply.
Is it possible to find love from your mobile phone?
Within 24 hours after we completed the first season of Mobile Dating Bootcamp, I was contacted by the Washington Post as an expert in mobile dating for a featured story they were writing on the subject. With the rapid growth and popularity of mobile dating apps, their in-depth piece on the subject entitled, “Love on the run: the fast rise of mobile dating apps” appeared on the cover of the business section of the Sunday paper on August 19, 2012.
Franklin, one of our contestants, was more than happy to share his experience with the Washington Post. After all, he’s truly looking for his wife and is hoping that by using mobile dating apps, it will speed up his search.
Full story @Washington Post by Amrita Jayakumar
At a swanky Los Angeles hotel in June, six single people sat before a roomful of industry executives to discuss that issue.
This annual conference is a gathering of the biggest players in the dating app business. The six participants had signed up for a first-of-its-kind mobile dating boot camp, organized by Julie Spira, an author and cyber-dating expert.
Their mandate was simple: Try out two apps for two weeks and provide honest feedback.
While developers collect their own statistics and user responses, this was the first time this sort of focus group was organized, she said.
Franklin Horn had never tried mobile dating before.
“I don’t think I would have started it on my own, and I’m in the software industry,” said Horn, 27, who works at a tech startup in Santa Monica. “It’s a hard thing to put yourself out there.”
He used three apps: eHarmony, Skout and MeetMoi. While he didn’t go on any dates, Horn said he exchanged about 150 casual messages with a few women.
“Since I’m single and busy, I wanted to use it as a way to practice flirting and see the technology behind the apps,” he said.
Another participant, Joe, 30, from Chicago, described his experience in a blog.“With these apps it feels like, ‘Hey, I’m in the area, I’m looking to hang out,’ he wrote. “You know what somebody’s intention is. It’s a little more explicit up front.”
Spira says that just like online dating, people should apply common sense with an app.
“You have to use intuition and act the way you would in real life,” she said. “Like meeting in a public place.”
All the dating app users were clear that they’d prefer meeting someone the old-fashioned way, without technology. Even if they did use an app, they wanted to take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible, said Spira, the cyber dating expert.
“I’m sure Mrs. Horn is out there somewhere,” Horn, the boot camp participant, said. “The app is just a way to meet her.”
The next season of Mobile Dating Bootcamp will take place in January, 2013 in Las Vegas at the Internet Dating Conference. We’ll be casting contestants in October, 2012.
Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert and host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and was an early adopter of online dating from dial-up to mobile. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene to shorten their search while looking for love online. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
What do you get when you match up 8 single daters and 8 mobile dating apps?
Hi, this is Julie Spira and I’ve created Mobile Dating Bootcamp, a social dating experience to help singles find love from the convenience of their mobile phones.
With over 14 million singles using mobile dating apps, we decided to put mobile to the test. Let’s see what the daters had to say.
As we get ready for the Mobile Dating Conference, I spoke with NBC News in Miami about how to find love from your mobile phone. It’s becoming the most popular way for singles to find finding love in a Web 2.0 World.
“They’re not just using them for phone calls,” author and online dating expert Julie Spira said. “They’re making dates, reservations, buying shoes, buying books … and dating fits into that as well.”
Many traditional online dating sites are now launching their own apps. Spira said some offer instant gratification.
“We call it location-based service dating, so if you’re at a Starbucks and there’s somebody down the street at a sandwich shop and you’re on the same mobile app, maybe you can meet for dessert,” Spira said.
Many thanks to everyone at NBC 6 in Miami for featuring CyberDatingExpert.com in your story.
For more about mobile dating, visit our Mobile Dating BootCamp site, where 8 contestants are using 8 mobile apps and will be talking about their findings at the Mobile Dating Conference in Beverly Hills in a focus group, moderated by Julie Spira.
Julie Spira is an online dating, cyber-relations, and mobile dating expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Are You Interested? Are you Interested right now? Get ready for more GPS – In real life dating. Over 2.5 million user sessions have occurred with Are You Interested’s iPhone application and meeting someone from the convenience of their cell phone has become more popular and easy to use.
Snap Interactive, just announced their live chat feature for singles wanting to date or hook-up with their new GPS-based chat feature on its popular Are You Interested? iPhone mobile dating application. The chat functionality enables singles to communicate with other singles through their iPhone in real time in their choice of chat rooms, which are broken down by age range and other categories including sexual orientation. Additionally, singles have the ability to identify users that are nearby and initiate private chat conversations with a specific user.
Are You Interested? iPhone Stats:
- More than 2.5 million user sessions
- Users across over 170 countries
- Users average time – 16 minutes per day on the app
The 'Are You Interested?' brand, has over 14 million users. Singles can date on several platforms including Facebook, AreYouInterested.com, and the Are You Interested? iPhone application. Are You Interested? was one of the first dating application success stories on Facebook. By introducing their new chat feature with its real time, GPS-based functionality, as well as integrating their mobile dating application with their web properties, they believe they have successfully differentiated this.
If you have tried AreYouInterested? please share your success story on the CyberDatingExpert.com site.
Julie Spira is a dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
Mobile and cell phone dating are one of the hottest trends in online dating.
View my recent appearance on KTLA News about this hot topic to look at some options you might want to consider for that instant connection.