Dating Without Drama on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

If it’s time to leave the drama behind, you’ll want to listen to our radio show featuring Paige Parker and Dating Without Drama. Learn how to move your relationship status from single and skeptical to confident and committed.

Find out about more about Facebook Without Drama including should you friend your new beau on Facebook and the dos and don’ts of text messaging your date.

You’ll hear about the red flags and deal breakers for online daters and Paige will share her personal story on how she became a very happily married woman by changing her personal strategies.

Listen to hear dating advice from myself as well as Paige on this special edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Cyber Dating Tip – Going from Online to Offline

This week’s Cyber Dating tip for successful online dating is quite simply, take your relationship from online to offline as soon as possible.

How soon you may ask? After sending a few emails, it’s best to move the relationship to the telephone. Find out if you have that same offline chemistry and you have online. Too often, I see singles falling in love from behind their computer screens. Sometimes, it’s with someone they believe is single and is available for a relationship, when in fact the complete opposite can be true. If during your phone conversation, you don’t feel comfortable, don’t feel obligated to set up a date on the calendar.

For more cyberdating tips and dating advice, Visit CyberDatingExpert.com

Signs You May be Dating a Cyber Player

You’ve signed up for an online dating site. Your inbox is full of interested singles trying to capture your attention. You put yourself out there and opened up your heart. How can you tell if he’s sincere or if he or she is a cyber player or serial dater?

In a recent article on Sympatico.ca Personals, I shared some of my insights, online dating tips,  and red flags with Jenna Stone.

They’re the scourge of the dating scene, the stealth enemy of anyone seeking a long-term, committed relationship – The Players.

There you are, putting yourself out there, hoping to find someone with whom to spend your life, and there he/she is messing it all up. They make the apparent right gestures and tell you what you want to hear, all the while working the same schtick on someone else, or several someone elses.

And they’re not just lurking in the bars and clubs either. They’re online, sneaking around your favourite dating sites. How can you avoid…(insert dramatic B Movie monster music here)…THE CYBER PLAYER?

Julie Spira is a cyber dating expert, and author of the online book The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She offered some insight on how to keep the cyber serial dater at bay.

She says, “There are certainly a lot of them online. They become these little kids in a candy store because they can always find a pretty face. And they get five new e-mails in their inbox every day.” Spira is quick to point out that, while many people DO indeed commit, the web has “really created a feeding ground for people who can’t.”

Spira says there are two categories of online players. The first are people who are also offline players and it’s how they live their lives. “They see online dating as an extra way to feed their egos.”  The other type, she says, are those who were shy and unlucky in love, but then tried online dating and “all of the sudden they go from being socially challenged to suddenly having all of these options.”

Sometimes, she adds, they don’t even meet anyone in person. “They just talk and chat. They get sort of addicted to it.”

So, that’s red flag #1. They keep putting off meeting you in real life. Seems obvious right? But a lot of people can’t read the clearest signs and wind up wasting a lot of time.
If someone won’t eventually come play outside, they might not be socially capable. They might even be hiding behind an entirely constructed persona.

Once you do meet them outside, Spira says that, oddly, they tend to come on strong and talk a lot about commitment. “When you go on a date with a cyber player, they will say things that are the complete opposite from what you’d expect. They say things like ‘I was married before and I want to be married again,’ ‘I’m looking for one woman to wake up with every morning.’ They say these types of things a little too much and you might find yourself raising an eyebrow.”

But then, right after they leave you, they’re back cruising the cyber singles scene.
“They go home and send you an e-mail that says ‘I had such an amazing date with you, there was so much chemistry. I can’t wait to see you again,’ and you see that they’ve already logged on at 12:30 in the morning after your date ended at eleven o’clock that night.” (Most dating sites allow you to see when a member is online)

Of course, it’s OK to spend as much time as you please cruising when you’re just dating. It’s when things are supposed to be getting serious that these become red flags.
Spira advises you err on the side of caution, keep your own profile up and continue to date other people. And, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, “Do not sleep with someone who is unwilling to pull down their profile.

“If you’re on a casual dating site and are advertising that you’re accepting that type of relationship, that’s one thing. But if you go on a site dedicated to serious relationships, like e-Harmony or JDate or Match.com, and you state on the profile that you are looking for a long term relationship and marriage, that’s another.”

It’s a common question: When is the appropriate time to take down the profile? There’s no right answer. But you need to be comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable with the other person’s profile remaining up, then it’s not unreasonable to address that.

Spira says, “I’ve seen it too many times where a woman says ‘I’ve been dating this guy for a year and he won’t pull down his profile.’ I say, ‘Well, you never really talked about that before your clothes wound up on the floor.”

The bottom line? Talk about it.

Once offline, if you find yourself falling for a player and want to try to get them to tame their wild ways, Spira suggests a few things that include,
1: Keeping busy. Don’t always be readily available and live a life that’s exciting and fun, and will continue to be so with or without them in it.
2. Setting a time limit. Make it clear you’ll only wait around for so long.
3. Giving instructions on how you want to communicate. If you want daily phone calls and flirty text messages, Spira says don’t be afraid to ask for them.

A lot of people do find themselves trying to catch the player, convinced they can make them change. It’s one option.

Remember, there’s always another option. You could just move on to someone else.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for Dating Advice

7 First Date Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

Recently, I wrote an article for Match.com’s Happen magazine about first date blunders you should avoid while looking for love online. Here are some first-date mistakes that you absolutely can’t afford to make if you want to put a second date on your planning calendar.

Click here for full article on Match>>>

Experts know that online dating can be a numbers game. You need to always put your best foot forward when you find a profile that’s intriguing and are interested in pursuing someone. But what many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may also be many other people’s favorite, too!

I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates — and you can’t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line.

1. Avoid the ex-factor.

I’ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.

2. Flirting with disaster.

My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It’s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.

3. Don’t dress for the bedroom.

Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn’t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you’re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.

4. Obey the food and beverage rule.

While dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week, if a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you’d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat.

5. Hide the iPhone and BlackBerry.

Sure, you connect with others online. You can even use MatchMobile™ while you’re on the go. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn’t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you’re on a date.

6. Do your homework.

Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you’re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she’s actually been married twice before. A man won’t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he’s really a doctor. Print out your date’s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don’t act like this person’s just another number in a series and that you’re too busy dating around to remember individual details.

7. It’s a first date, not an instant relationship.

Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be The One, don’t start talking about your future together right now. It’s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it’s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don’t start filling up someone’s life as the instant girlfriend or instant boyfriend. It can come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable!

Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don’t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she’d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you’ve hit the jackpot.

Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating who posted her first online dating profile in 1994 and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Spira’s dating advice has been featured in such publications as The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Glamour, Men’s Health, Woman’s Day, and more. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira

Cyber Love Song of the Week – Hot Summer Night

Meatloaf’s “You Took the Words Right ouf of my mouth (Hot Summer Night)” is a sexy song perfect for summertime love.

Ask the Cyber Dating Expert Radio Show With Opposites Connect

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira as she features Opposites Connect on “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show” on Saturday, August 14, 2010.

Opposites Connect is an online dating site centered on the age-old concept of connecting singles based on opposite preferences. Larry Wilson, the site’s founder will be the featured guest along with Psychotherapists Diane Lykes and Patricia DeVost.

Learn how dating your opposite can lead to love and stronger relationships. Hear about their proprietary matchmaking software which matches singles with unique sets of viewpoints and characteristics.

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 11am/PT for dating advice in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Cyber Love Song of the Week – Walking on Sunshine

It’s another summertime Music Monday and this week we are featuring Katrina and the Waves with their 1983 hit, “Walking on Sunshine.”

Carrie Seim on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where my guest, Carrie Seim, dating columnist and contributor to the New York Post and Betty Confidential shared with us some of her personal experiences while looking for love online.

Carrie shared some of her dating advice and her personal experience with Outsourcing Love, where she hired a virtual assistant in India to help her with her cyberdating search.

You’ll hear about Dating with Borders, and why you should consider joining European dating site such as Meetic.com if you aren’t meeting someone in your local city. Hear about SkyeCandy.com, CrazyBlindDates.com and more.

Join in on the fun and learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Sheri and Rob

Rob and Sheri met on eHarmony in January 2009. Sheri was attracted to Rob’s sense of humor and ability to be a good friend and companion. Rob was attracted to Sheri’s fun-loving nature and adventurous spirit.

The two went on their first dinner date at an Italian restaurant, complete with a round of bowling.   From then on, they were inseparable, traveling all over the country, both enjoying hiking.

On Christmas Day in 2009, Rob and Sheri took a break from the holiday festivities at her father’s house to catch some fresh air outside. As they cuddled in each other’s arms on a deck overlooking a serene snow-covered pond, Rob pulled out a small black box containing an engagement ring and asked Sheri to marry him. Surprised and excited, she happily accepted his proposal.

After sharing the news with friends and family, their thoughts turned to wedding plans. What better place to get married, Sheri thought, than where it all began? The two will be the first couple to marry at eHarmony’s headquarters on Friday, August 6, 2010.

Congratulations to Sheri and Rob, another online dating success story in our Cyber Love Story of the Week.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Read More Cyber Love Stories>>>

Single Edition on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where Sherri Langburt, founder of SingleEdition.com shared her mission of creating a lifestyle site to help singles in many areas of their lives.

Sherri, herself, is an online dating success story. After 10 years of online dating, she met her husband on JDate.

Single Edition provides dating and relationship advice from experts, along with suggestions for traveling solo, as well as health and beauty advice.

Find out Sherri’s secrets on why her online dating profile led to her marriage and hear her inspiration for singles looking for love online.

Listen to the program where you will hear more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

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