As an early adopter of Internet dating and as an Online Dating Expert with almost 20 years of writing dating profiles, I’ve helped many Jewish singles find love on JDate. Some fond memories include one couple who gave birth to the first JDate baby, and another who found love by expanding their zip code to include dating in Europe. Many couples who I’ve coached have taken my online dating advice are now happily married or are in long-term exclusive relationships.
I know that cyber dating can be challenging, but there are so many Internet dating success stories that are worth sharing and I look forward to watching all of your marriage proposal videos.
If you’ve met your fiance or spouse on JDate, I invite you to share a video on their Facebook page about your marriage proposal and enter their Top Proposal Contest.
One lucky couple will be treated to on a 7-Day romantic trip to Breezes in the Bahamas. Isn’t it time for a second honeymoon?
Details can be found on their Facebook Page.
Need help with your online dating profile? Visit IrresistibleProfiles.com to learn more on how we can help you find your dream date.
Photo credit: JDate
In this Episode of the Online Dating Expert BootCamp, Julie Spira critiques Lauren’s emails that she’s sending to potential daters.
Much to her surprise, Lauren’s emails were filled with grammar problems and she started her emails with the word, “Hey.” Julie reminded Lauren that horses hang out in hay, not a marriage-minded single woman from Beverly Hills.
Remember to always use spell check and grammar check on all of your online dating emails and respond in a timely fashion to attract your dream date.
Let’s start with what is a ‘Selfie?’ It’s one of the most popular hashtags on Twitter when someone snaps their own photo with their mobile phone. Usually it’s goofy, a bathroom shot in the mirror, or in the case of Rhianna, a bikini shot or two.
I love technology and there’s no doubt that the iPhone has made cyberdating a whole lot easier and so much more fun.
As the cameras continue to improve on the Samsung Galaxy, iPhones, and other mobile devices, while Instagram remains the favorite social networking photo site du jour, the prevalence of ‘Selfies’ photos are appearing more often on Internet dating profiles.
So who’s posting ‘Selfies’ and are they narcissistic, funny, expected, or a turn-off? Just because celebrities are jumping on the ‘Selfie’ bandwagon, should you?
In a recent Glamour magazine article, a list of 11 turn-offs to men who viewed women’s online dating profiles listed ‘Selfies” twice.
Men felt that posting over ¾ of your profile photos as ‘Selfies’ was a turn-off.
“Just makes me wonder how long you spent in your room taking shots that didn’t make the cut,” one guy claimed.
In addition, the bathroom ‘Selfie’ is an online dating no-no.
“Unless it’s done ironically, in which case, are you free on Thursday?” was another response.
Taking it a step further, research from the University of Birmingham in the UK found that too many ‘Selfies’ posted on Facebook could actually damage your relationship.
David Houghton, the lead researcher said, “‘Selfies,’ or self-portraits, seem to be some of the most irksome images.”
In a recent interview with the New York Daily News, I provided several tips for those who have no self-control when posting ‘Selfies.’ Including:
Ladies: No Bikini Photos. Just because Rhianna does it, doesn’t mean your potential online date will appreciate yours. A bikini shot is just lingerie with different material. A man will undress you with his eyes. There’s no need to say take me to the bedroom with your bikini ‘Selfie.’\
Guys: Ditch the Mirror Photos. Posting a photo of yourself without wearing a shirt in the bathroom mirror has become as cliché as the woman who says she wants to go on beach walks in her Internet dating profile.
While authenticity is appreciated in posting recent photos, we know that the selfies shots aren’t usually your best. I say save them for Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Put your best digital foot forward and post the best photos you can of yourself. Add the dates they were taken, so your online date will know how recent they are.
Are you posting ‘Selfies’ on your dating profile? What has the response been?
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter to join in the conversation.
Photo credit: © berc – Fotolia.com
On WashPost Live, Online Dating Expert Julie Spira and Dr. Eli Finkel from Northwestern University talk with Nia-Malika Henderson about online dating algorithms and the latest trends in mobile dating. Has online dating become a social dating experience? Why is Tinder the hottest new mobile dating app? Is cyber dating here to stay?
All these questions and more were discussed on the latest in Internet dating on Washington Post’s Live Channel, On Background.
I met my boyfriend on Plenty of Fish and we’ve been dating for about six months. We took your advice and both took our profiles down together as a bit of a ceremony and celebration after two months of dating and have even been talking about the future.
Last week, my friend saw a new POF profile that he posted with a different name, as he viewed hers while he was searching.
My heart is broken. I confronted him on it and he said it was an old profile, one he had before he met me, but deep down I think he always had two profiles up and that I’ve been played.
I’m not sure if I can trust him or not or if I’m overreacting. Please help.
Disappointed in Baton Rouge
I can feel your pain and what you’re going through is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, I hear this all the time.
Often when a man gets too close to a woman, especially around the 6-month mark, he starts to panic. Men are very basic. The thought of never sleeping with another woman again feels like death to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or that you aren’t the best thing that’s ever happened to him in the whole wide world.
The Internet makes it so easy for people to take a peek to see who else is out there, especially if he’s thinking about a more permanent relationship with you. In the bestselling book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus , author John Gray talks about the rubber-band man. The guy who gets really close to you and then has to retreat and disappear when he needs time for the tension in the rubber band to build up again. Sometimes he goes into his cave and doesn’t want to be with you. Other times, he pulls back because he isn’t sure of his feelings about love and commitment. Either way, don’t chase after him and ask what’s wrong.
Before you think he’s breaking your heart, give it a little time. A pull back and new Internet dating profile are both something to be concerned with, but don’t overreact just yet. Accusing him of messing around on you isn’t the answer. If he wants to be with you, let him know you’d appreciate him taking down the second profile, but don’t insist on it. It’s up to him to decide if he wants to continue fishing and run the risk of losing a lifetime of love with you.
Now is not the time to get even and put up your profile and start dating until you’ve resolved this issue together. If he truly wants to date others, wish him well and do so as well.
There are over 1500 dating sites on the Internet, so if you decide it’s time to move on find a different site to hang your digital hat so you don’t find yourself staring at his profile and obsessing whether he’s found someone else or not.
Looking at other women online is very hurtful, I know. It’s emotional cheating, even if he isn’t setting up other dates. But it also gives him the time to look at some photos and decide if you’re the one he wants to move forward with. Think of it as if he’s looking at photos in a magazine. I know it’s worse, but remember, your friend saw his profile online, she didn’t catch him in bed with another woman.
Please keep us posted.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Do you have a dating question for Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira?
At Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters, we hear complaints from both men and women about how every profile seems to look the same after a while. Singles get frustrated too easily, because there are too many choices. As a result, the searching process becomes so blurry, that they often just turn off the computer and go out to hang out with their friends.
Think about it and let’s compare it to selecting the perfect scoop of ice cream to sweeten your palate. If the choices were all vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry, it might not be that inviting as compared to Pineapple Passion Fruit, Cinnamon Buns, or Karamel Sutra, just a few flavors I can’t wait to try when I’m at Ben and Jerry’s.
So without further digital ado and minus the calories, here are a few steps you can do to immediately have a more unique profile, without resorting to posting skydiving photos.
1. Dump the Cliché’s. Every girl dreams of taking a romantic beach walk or staring at the sunset for a dream date. Let’s take a reality check and ask yourself, just how many beach walks are you going on? Maybe you’ll do so with a date at some point, but it’s oh so boring for them to read this over-and-over again. It goes hand-in-hand with saying you can dress from jeans to black-tie and want a man with a sense of humor. So if you’re asking for a guy who works hard and plays hard, you’re not one in a million. You’re among the multi-million profiles with those same overused words.
Solution: Nix these clichés now and replace them with photos and actions and about what makes you the girl he wants to know more about. If you’re stumped, ask a friend what makes you different and unique. He or she may remind you how you’re the first one out at 6am to clean the bay or love the fact that you volunteer to feed the homeless in soup kitchens on Thanksgiving. Replace the blue jeans to black tie cliché with photos of you dressed in a variety of outfits. He’ll get the picture and will want to see more.
2. Ask a Question. This is something that I believe is an absolute must on every profile. Remember that your profile shouldn’t be a monologue or all about you. You need to start a two-way dialog with your profile as a brief introduction about yourself. Your dream date must be able to imagine his or her life with you, not just watching you from afar wondering if he’ll fit it or not.
Solution: Name a few of your favorite vacation spots and ask if you’re date has ever been there before. List a local mountain you’d like to hike and ask if he’s ever done that before. Mention a rock band that you’ve always wanted to see and ask if you’re the only one who hasn’t seen Lady Gaga in concert. Mention you’d like to take golf lessons and have clubs collecting dust in the garage and ask if anyone would like to go with you to the driving range. This makes it easier for someone to write to you with a specific solution and answer to your question. It will instantly increase the amount of emails that you’ll be receiving.
3. Reduce the word count. Yes, describing your life story should be written in your personal journal and not be on your dating profile. Statistics show that writing a shorter profile will get more responses. Not everyone reads your entire profile and you’ll be lucky if they read the first few sentences. If they scroll down and notice a long-winded profile, it’s likely that they’ll say, “Next!”
Solution: Leave the novel at home. Drop the long drawn out description and reduce your profile by at least a paragraph, if not more. Remember, dating is about getting to know you over time. Details of your relationship and family history and listing every vacation you’ve gone on won’t leave room for imagination. It’s a digital dance, so make it a sneak peek into your life.
Make some of these changes to your profile now and cyber love will just be a click away. Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Photo credit: Maxim_Kazmin – Fotolia.com
In this episode of Online Dating BootCamp, Dating Expert Julie Spira works with Lauren from Beverly Hills who is looking for love online.
Just how many photos should you post to your online dating profile? Lauren posted ten photos on her Match profile, but her primary shot showed her wearing sunglasses. Lauren explains that she likes sunglasses, but her stunning eyes were hiding behind her designer shades. An online dating no-no. Remember, women often dress for women. Men like the basics, not the labels. Other shots were blurry, artsy, and didn’t show Lauren at her best.
Watch as we select the best five photos to attract the perfect date, taking into consideration how many “likes” each photo received by the men who viewed her profile.
What photos don’t belong on dating profiles and what’s the magic number? Find out more by viewing our Online Dating BootCamp video.
For more on Online Dating BootCamp, visit CyberDatingExpert.com.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestseller author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie was a very early adopter of Internet dating and is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Meet Lauren who signed up for Online Dating BootCamp with Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira. In a video series on YourTango, we’ll follow her progress while she looks for love online.
Lauren has a new profile on Match and has high hopes that she’ll find someone to marry.
In this video, you’ll find out how to create a catchy screen name, learn the best number of photos to include in an Internet dating profile, and how to describe exactly what you’re looking for.
Words can’t describe how super-thrilled I am to be a part of this wonderful community.
Being in the business of love and helping singles find love on the Internet since 1994 is something I’m so proud of. Every day I hold the digital hands of singles and help them ease into taking their relationships from online to offline. I give them the strength and confidence to start over when their relationships run their course and I feature their success stories in our Cyber Love Story of the Week.
Many thanks to the Editors at DatingAdvice.com for acknowledging my passion in this industry that I love so very much and for selecting me as their featured Online Dating Expert. I invite you to sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for more online dating advice and to stay in touch.
I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter
Meet Rasheda and Brandon, who found love on the free online dating site OKCupid.
Rasheda was ready to give up on Internet dating, but decided to return to OkCupid, where she met Brandon in August of 2012.
After their first date, Rasheda thought Brandon was a really “nice” guy.
Brandon managed to catch her attention by sending her a bouquet of flowers to her office on the Monday following their first date. Continuing to be the good guy, he would send Rasheeda e-cards and suggest interesting dates.
However, after a month, Rasheda decided that Brandon belonged in the “friend zone” (ouch). They stopped dating during the month of October, while she decided whether to date him or another guy.
Fortunately, she came to her senses before losing him completely. The two reconnected in November and went on a romantic date to the Opera. Afterwards, they went dancing, where she realized that she was falling for him.
Brandon invited Rasheda over for Thanksgiving dinner and they’ve been together ever since. The two are planning a romantic trip to the Bahamas this spring.
Congratulations to Rasheda and Brandon who prove that nice guys don’t always finish last and that patience is a virtue.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Share your Cyber Love Story with us!
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and connect at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and on Twitter @JulieSpira.