By now you’ve probably heard the good news. Online Dating has officially lost its stigma and now ranks second in the U.S. for matchmaking.  Whether you’ve met your dream date or spouse by answering 250 questions on eHarmony or answered some intimate questions on OkCupid, one thing’s for sure, online dating is no longer for the socially challenged. It’s here to stay and is now residing primarily on your mobile phone or iPad.

A group of 5 researchers collected data on the subject and claim that these dating algorithms are nonsense. The report claims that online dating encourages a “shopping mentality” and that singles are getting too picky with too many choices. Do you agree? Is it just the luck of the draw, or is there some magic to the proprietary methods Internet dating sites use to keep you engaged and active on their site?

Dating algorithms and scientific matching were a subject of heated panel at the recent Internet Dating Conference in Miami, where Dr. Eli J. Finkel, the study’s lead author and an associate professor of social psychology at Northwestern University, said there was no science behind the algorithms. OkCupid’s CEO and co-founder Sam Yagan and Dr. Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle, who created the Personality Profiler for online dating site Perfect Match, vehemently disagreed. The sites stood by their list of questions to help singles meet better matches, whether through math or science.

At the end of the digital day, online dating has become social dating, and it’s not going away anytime soon.

How do you feel about personality profiles on Chemistry, Perfect Match, and eHarmony.com? Do you believe you’ll get better matches? Are you finding it hard to commit with too many choices in your inbox?

Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.  Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Now that it’s February, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. I’ve always said that Valentine’s Day for a woman is like the Super Bowl for men, so pick up some red candy hearts, grab your lipstick, and read our 10 tips to prepare for the Super Bowl of Love, Valentine’s Day.

1. Do discuss Valentine’s Day with the person you are dating. If one of you loves the holiday and the other can’t bear it, come up with a compromise. Valentine’s is on a Tuesday this year. Pick a night for a romantic dinner in between the Super Bowl and Valentine’s and avoid the high-priced dining reservations.

2. Don’t wait until the week before to ask her to spend the Valentine’s with you. If you are dating someone special and you know for sure you’d like her to be your Valentine, ask her out at least two weeks in advance.

3. Do make a dinner reservation for February 14^th, even if you’re dateless on February 1^st. Go ahead and reserve a table and be open to the possibilities. You can always cancel the reservation when it gets closer to Valentine’s Day, if you haven’t already developed a new crush during crunch time.

4. Don’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day in an email or a text message. This is the time for you to either pick up the phone and call or better yet, ask her in person if your relationship is going well.

5. Do try in-room dining this year. Light some candles, cook up a simple meal in the kitchen together and look forward to a steamy dessert.

6. Don’t go overboard with flowers. It’s the thought that counts. Stop by your local grocery story and pick up one long stemmed rose. It has the same impact as the full dozen and is 1/12th the price.

7. Do accept invitations for Valentine’s dances and parties the weekend before February 14^th if you’re single. You won’t feel alone with so many other singles in a fun and flirty setting. Wear pink or red for the occasion and say yes if someone asks you to be his or her Valentine. You may not fall in love with your Valentine, but you might just find a new loyal friend.

8. Don’t make gift giving too much pressure. You may still be paying off your credit card bill from the holidays. A card, a hug, and some lingerie and massage oils will make a memorable evening and won’t break the bank.

10. Do wake up in the morning and wish your loved one a Happy Valentine’s Day in a voicemail, email, or text message to let them know that you’re looking forward to spending the evening together. If you’re friends on Facebook and have posted your status as “In a Relationship,” take it a step further and wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day on their wall.

9. Don’t be blue if you can’t be with your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day. Schedule a SKYPE date, wear red, put on your lipstick, and flirt the night away with your long distance love.

Do you look forward to or dread Valentine’s Day? We’d like to hear your comments.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and Like us at Facebook. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira

How digital is your love life? Come to the Digital LA – Love Goes Digital panel on February 13, 2012,  where we’ll be talking about online and social dating.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

January 31, 2012 — Los Angeles, CA — Julie Spira, bestselling author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online” and a frequent media guest on the subject of online and social dating will be a featured panelist on the first-ever “Love Goes Digital” panel, hosted by Digital LA on February 13, 2012.

Julie will discuss social dating trends, how she helps singles by creating their online dating profiles, and about how she successfully used social media strategies to help her online dating book become a bestseller.

“For our pre-Valentine’s Day Digital LA – Loves Goes Digital panel, we want to celebrate by getting LA’s experts in online dating and love together, to share tips, trends, and success stories in building dating/love related blogs and businesses,” said Kevin Winston, Digital LA founder. “It’s the first time we know of that local dating and love experts have been gathered on a panel in Los Angeles.”

The event will be held at Hotel Shangri-La in Santa Monica, CA

Tickets can be purchased at digitallalove.eventbrite.com

Follow @JulieSpira

Follow @DigitalLA

Full release @1888pressrelease.com

You’ve met that someone special and have great online chemistry. Watch our video to learn the right time to take your relationship from online to offline.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and online dating expert. Click here for more video dating advice and connect with us on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Want to see our posts? Sign up for our Weekly Flirt -e-newsletter and receive a free copy of The 5 Secrets to Finding Love Online e-book.

Do you believe that LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than most online dating profiles? If so, you’re not alone. On Friday the 13th, Hitch.me was officially launched using LinkedIn profiles as the basis for their site’s algorithms.

I had the opportunity to interview Hitch.me founder Navid Nadir, who is happily married with two children.  Nadir has a degree in computer engineering from Queens University in Kingston, Canada and although he isn’t interested in finding love online, both he and his wife have single friends who were frustrated with the process.

Nadir believes that over 50% of online dating profiles are fabricated. Nadir said,  “If you want to date someone, why lie?” That’s a question that many single daters struggle with as they hope there’s truth-in-advertising when viewing online dating profiles.

Nadir added, “It’s not just another niche site. It’s a niche site that is in demand. This is something we have been waiting for a long time. You can actually search for a profile based upon a skill-set, find someone based on specific industries, and search within groups that you are a member of on LinkedIn.”

The site is simple to use and there are no monthly fees.

Hitch.me members purchase credits in a pay-as-you-go format. Their 3 levels are:

• Beginner: $10 for 500 credits
• So Much for So Less: $25 for 2000 credits
• Guaranteed Satisfaction: $50 for 4000 credits

So how does the credit system work?

For 20 credits, you get just a “smile.” It’s their way of flirting.

For 50 credits, you get a “pitch,” the opportunity to send a 200 word email to the object-of-your-affection.

For 100 credits, Private Presentation: 100 credits. Can add youtube videos and images, 500 words and can add 3 images and one youtube video.

Does the site mix business with pleasure? Only if you want it to. You can select from finding a casual date, soulmate, friend, or a business partner.

For a limited time period, they are offering 200 free credits as they build their membership base. Click here to get started on Hitch.me

Do you believe LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than online dating profiles? Your comments are always welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter. 

Fashion magazine is celebrating with a very special February issue devoted to love. With Valentine’s Day just a few weeks away, I was asked to contribute to their article, Love Among the Laptops.

In this in-depth article, we looked at Facebook, Twitter, BlackBerry Messenger, Google searches, and the high-digital pressure act of friending and unfriending someone you’re dating.

Read how to deal with the new challenges posed by dating in the online age. An excerpt from the article is below.

With appreciation, many thanks to Siofan Davies for quoting me in the story, along with Sherrie Schneider, co-author of the famous relationship book, The Rules and follow-up, The Rules for Online Dating.

Julie Spira, the L.A.-based author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online says the urge to research a prospective date is natural. “Do a Google search, make sure they work where they say they work and that there’ nothing bad about them,” she begins.  This is sensible advice my mother would appreciate. “We also want to make sure their Facebook photos match their online dating photos, and find out if we have any friends in common. The next thing would be, well, let’s friend each other.” Her reasoning. Well no, don’t friend each other. ” Her reasoning: Just as you will be mining his profile for useful or petty information, he will undoubtedly be mining yours. “You still want someone to get to know you,” says Spira. “If everything they get to know about you is because they saw it on Facebook, what’s left to talk about?”

For the full article, pick up a copy of Fashion magazine, Canada’s number 1 beauty and fashion magazine, where you’ll find the story on pages 81-86. If you aren’t in Canada, I’ve attached the .pdf of the article here:  Fashion Magazine – Love Among the Laptops. As always, comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Is he paying more attention to his mobile phone than you on a date? Watch my latest “Ask the Expert” video for advice on Dating in a Web 2.0 World.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Lately, I’ve been questioning whether singles who are members of online dating sites really want to meet someone and create a real relationship that goes from online to offline, or just spend time hanging out in cyberspace.  It appears that many daters are suffering from a relationship syndrome called ODF, the acronym for online dating fatigue. It can also be defined as IDF, Internet dating fatigue.

While I might sound like eHarmony’s founder Neil Clark Warren, who wrote an article on Huffington Post, On Second Thought, Don’t Get Married, where I’m telling online daters that they might need to take a break as well, there’s some truth to ODF.  In Warren’s article,  he questioned whether marriage has become obsolete. The article is still being talked about and was shared by over 4000 people on Facebook and Twitter and “liked” by over 13,000 people. Something to ponder.

As an online dating expert and coach, I’m not suggesting you should abandon online dating completely, but instead consider taking a break and return refreshed, along with a new set of rules and digital tools that might increase your chances of success. Just as athletes get muscle fatigue, daters do get online dating fatigue.

In my coaching practice, I meet singles and divorcee’s who are already fed up with the process.  There are several reasons why I believe they’re suffering from ODF, and am here to provide some suggestions and online dating tips that just might wake you up from the exhausting process.

1. You’re tired of logging on and coming up empty handed.

You go to the gym three times a week, meet your friends for drinks twice a week, and spend an hour a day logging on to your online dating account to view photos of eligible singles. You hand pick 10 men or women to write to and take the time to personalize the subject line.  The result is, no one ever writes back.  You don’t know why they weren’t interested, wondered if they had an inactive profile where they couldn’t read your email, or were testing the waters with a few others and would consider you for the future. You diligently send emails more often-than-not, and still wake up to an empty inbox. It’s discouraging, I know. You feel like it’s a chore.

 2. You’re tired of trying to create interesting introduction emails.

You know you’re smart, witty, and have that great sense of humor everyone advertises that they’re looking for.  Yet, you find it hard to write an introduction email that will be catchy and stand out. You didn’t grow up wanting to be a copywriter, so your personality doesn’t shine. As a result, you spend less time logging on.  Finding a date or a mate goes down a notch or two on the totem pole. You’ve worked hard all day at work. You really don’t want to work that hard when you get home. The end result is, you lose interest. You’re suffering from ODF.

Take for example *Mike (name changed), who has been sending the same 770 word count email about himself for four years to women promising a lifetime of happiness. He wrote a novel with over 50 sentences to introduce himself.

Chances are Mike never reads the profiles of the pretty faces he views. He diligently copies the same email daily and sends it cold to women with a shotgun approach. His subject line is empty and says, (none). Sure online dating is a numbers game, but if you aren’t an educated player, your email may end up deleted by the third sentence. I finally had to tell him, “Copy + paste = erase” and suggested that he leave the novel at home. He didn’t appreciate my constructive criticism and is still single to this day.

3. You’re too picky.

If anyone has ever suggested that you might be too picky, chances are, they’re right. Your list may be so long on your profile, that it discourages would-be suitors to find someone more easy-going. If your search parameters are too narrow, it’s rare that you’ll find a compatible partner, online or offline.

Take *Janie for example. She’s a vivacious woman with a lot to offer a man. She has a successful career, beautiful home, loves to cook, and really wanted to fall in love. She came to me as a last resort, having been single for a decade. I looked at her profile and her search requirements were so limiting. She only wanted to meet a man who lived within a five-mile radius of where she resided. Her age parameters only spanned five years. It was an impossible task with unrealistic expectations. She didn’t realize it, but she was too picky. We broadened her search to 40 miles and expanded her age range to 12-years, 6 older and 6 younger than herself. She’s now dating someone age-appropriate who lives a town away. Are you too picky?  If so, it’s time to cast a wider net.

4. You’re unavailable.

You wouldn’t send a resume looking for your dream job without an email and phone contact for the recruiter to call you for the job interview, so you shouldn’t be so difficult to reach to set up a date.

Take *Bill, a handsome and successful man as an example. He always makes a good first impression in his introductory emails. He sends the women his phone number along with a message telling them that he’s only available to speak at 12pm and 9pm.  Most people have busy lives, both personally and professionally.  So if a woman called Bill outside of those two limited time slots, they’d not only get his voicemail, but he also had “call intercept” on his line requesting that you announce yourself before he’d pick up the call. Pre-screening your date’s inbound phone call is a netiquette no-no. Of course most of the women hung up. Bill’s still single. A little more flexibility and removing call intercept on his phone to make time for love might help with his search. If you want to get on his or her date card, you need to move the process along from the initial email and find the time to put a real date on the calendar.

5. You’ve gone on too many first dates.

You’ve managed to pass the dating filters, sent a few emails and text messages back-and-forth, and the first phone call went well. You dined at a restaurant that you hoped might impress him or her. The process took about two weeks, but it seems you never graduate to a second date. While the reasons may vary, most include:

• He or she didn’t look like their photo
• There was no chemistry
• He or she never called again
• He or she didn’t respond to your text or email message

You thought the first date went well. They laughed at your jokes and said they’d like to see you again.  You spent precious resources of time and money on the dating process with no return on your investment.

Yes, dating can be expensive, but you don’t need to dine at the Four Seasons to impress someone. These days, it’s not unhip to use a deal-of-the-day coupon or Groupon for a dating idea, providing you’re not only asking for two-for-one yogurt at $4.99. The result is, you’re wallet is now thin and you still find yourself alone on date night. You get frustrated with the process and end up with ODF.

If any of these five scenarios sound familiar, you’re not alone. Online dating fatigue is very real. Sometimes you need to take a break, other times you need to fine tune your profile or change your parameters and habits. At the end of the digital day, there are over 120 million singles in the world looking for love online. Not everyone suffers from online dating fatigue.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, social media strategist and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Connect with Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

To friend, or not to friend? This question comes up all too often from singles I’m coaching when they first start dating someone new.

My advice is always a firm no. Not just yet.

Although you may be enthusiastic about your phone conversations, have sent a few text messages back-and-forth, and enjoy spending 1-3 hours every day on Facebook,  it might seem like the next logical step to add your new date as a friend on Facebook. I call this trend “premature friending” and it might lead to a startling ending of a relationship that never had the full chance to move forward on a normal digital course.

Setting romantic boundaries on Facebook and other social networks can be quite tricky. However, it really doesn’t have to be so complicated after all.

So without further digital adieu, here are some of the most popular questions I’m asked, with answers to help your love life, both online and in real life.

Should you ignore a Facebook friend request before meeting your date?

If you regularly ignore other requests from strangers or friends-of-friends, then do the same with the man or woman you have not yet met. Think about it. Your new date might be secretly cyber stalking you to check on your where-abouts to see if it adds up to the way you described yourself. Sound creepy? Well, it is. So yes, ignore it. They aren’t a friend yet, nor are they your boyfriend or girlfriend.

You had a great first date. Is it safe to send a friend request?

No, not just yet. Unless you discussed a business deal or partnership and want to ease your way in with a Linkedin request, he or she is quite likely still on the market. They won’t want you gazing at their online activity, nor should you be staring at theirs. Avoid posting comments about your date or post the cute photo that you snapped on your iPhone after your first martini. It’s too soon to go spreading the news on the public Internet.

You had sex. Are you ready to be Facebook friends?

Just because you spent time together between the sheets, doesn’t mean it’s time to change your status to “In a Relationship.” Make sure you have the talk first about your relationship. If you’re both on the same digital page, then go ahead and change the relationship status together. If you aren’t in a committed relationship, you’re likely to have your feelings hurt when you see his arm around another girl or her in an uncompromising photo with another guy. If either one of you is sitting on the digital fence, then stay friends offline before becoming friends online.

The relationship never took off. Can we just be friends?

If you know for certainty that there was no chemistry or a chance for romance, and no one feels jilted, go ahead and become friends if you truly like each other and know it will be platonic. If you find yourself staring at his or her wall wondering what they’re up to, then you’re not being honest with yourself. Politely unfriend them until you know you’re over it.

At the end of the digital day, don’t let your feelings be hurt if the other party ignores your friend request. Everyone has their own prerequisites for friending and unfriending each other on the world’s largest social network.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating and netiquette expert.  She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice. Connect with Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira, Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette

I do hope you’ll join me on Thursday, August 4, 2011 as I take over YourTango’s Facebook page. I’ll be answering your questions about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World as well as talking about my most recent article, Is Flirting on Twitter and Facebook Considered Cheating?

You can RSVP here to the invitation on Facebook. The online chat will be taking place from 2pm – 3pm Eastern Time.

Send us your questions in advance and get ready for an hour of FREE dating and relationship advice, as well as learning the dos and don’ts for online dating success. Now’s the time to ask the cyber dating expert anything! See you there!