Love and Money – Online Dating on a Budget

When you’ve signed up for an online dating site, at first you’ll be dating multiple people. We know it can be expensive. Then suddenly you meet the perfect girl online. Your phone chemistry is off the charts.  The first date went so well, that you can’t wait to see her again. You’d like to show up with a dozen roses or provide a posh mode of transportation for your evening on the town to impress her. But what if you don’t have a lot of money and your credit is on the low end? It’s not uncommon with today’s economic shift to feel financially strapped while dating. Finding love online can be euphoric or cause a bit of anxiety in the early days.

The relationship between money and dating causes unnecessary stress for both men and women. Women want men who are financially secure. Men want women they’re attracted to who would fall in love with them, instead of their bank account.

So what should you do to impress her without breaking the bank? I believe that bringing a dozen tulips, costing 1/3 of the price will put a big smile on her face, but if you’d like to eventually splurge on a romantic vacation, it might be time to fix your credit and avoid spending more than you can afford.

While you’re getting your financial house in order, you still can impress a date with fun and inexpensive activities.

Inexpensive Dates

Nifty Date Ideas has several affordable suggestions for your next online date.

• Take your date to a remote spot to watch the sunset and bring a picnic lunch or dinner. If you live in a northern climate and the Aurora Borealis or a meteor shower can be seen that night, you could make an exception.
• Perform community service such as going to a community center to volunteer, planting flowers for a neighbor or shoveling snow.
• Playing board games is inexpensive, and there’s a wide range of games available: Monopoly, Candy Land or Sorry.
• Take your date on a nature walk and pick raspberries or blackberries. Eat them along the walk or save them in buckets to make a pie or tart.
• Remember the fun of school field trips? Take a free factory tour or visit a historical building to relive those grade-school excursions.
• Visit a library or bookstore, find a cozy corner and browse through books or magazines. You can also rent audiobooks or movies at most local libraries. The spot might have a coffee shop, so you can discuss what you read over a hot mocha or latte.

There’s no need to go into debt to impress your next date. You should still take some time to repair your credit in the next 6-12 months and be responsible about not spending more than you can afford.

How to Improve Your Score

Money problems is one of the top reasons for a relationship to split up. If your credit rating is low and your long-term goals are to find someone to spend the rest of your life with and even possibly buy a home or lease a car, it’s a good idea to start working on improving your credit score. MSN Money suggests you start by opening a line of credit through a credit card. It states you don’t need to carry a balance to have good scores; it’s a myth. Consider a secured credit card if you can’t open a traditional credit card. The issuing bank gives you a credit line equal to the deposit you make for a secured card. MSN Money says paying off your mortgage, auto and student loans can help, but not as dramatically as paying off accounts such as credit cards. Pay your bills on time and, if you can, pay more than the balance due.

If you want to improve your credit in a bigger way, consider getting a used car. Used cars are a good choice because a car that is only a year old is 20 to 30 percent cheaper than a new car, according to Edmunds.com. And it’s possible to get a regular interest rate, even with poor credit. A person with good credit will usually get an interest rate on a used car between 5 and 7 percent, while many auto companies and lenders will finance a vehicle or OK a loan from 6.7 to 13.5 percent, according to bankrate.com.

Have you managed to find fun and affordable dates?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for Singles on the dating scene.

For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Cyber Love Links – 10 Links to Love

As the week draws to an end, it’s time to share our 10 favorite dating articles on the web and on Twitter for your weekend reading pleasure in Cyber Love Links — Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love.

1. On Thought Catalog, we enjoyed 10 Reasons Not to Give Up on Love by Chelsea Fagan. I’m sure you can relate to some, if not all of these.

2. Our friends at Men’s Fitness asked the ladies what they didn’t like about emails from male online daters. Here are their findings with Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating.

3. On the flip side, on eHarmony, the ladies should read 10 Things Women Should Never Say to Men.

4. In time for Passover,  we loved JDate’s article, Don’t Pass Over the JDate Haggadah. Will you take a date to a Seder? We’d love to know.

5. A huge Happy 5th Birthday to our friends at The Frisky. My how time flies! We’re happy to share their 15 Dating Don’ts Worth Repeating Again.

6. We enjoyed the post on Your Tango, What to Do on a 1st Date to Make Him Fall for You? Not sure about that first kiss? Read this post and put on some lip gloss.

7. In the thank you department, a huge thanks to Fox News for including our tips in Should You Ditch Online Dating?

8. So grateful to Cosmpolitan for the interview, How to Rock the Perfect Online Dating Profile Pic

9. Take a peek at my latest column on DatingAdvice.com, How to Ramp up Your Online Dating Profile.

10. Really dug in with a personal story on Huffington Post in Googling Your Dates ~Can It Backfire?

Have a favorite story to share with us? Post it in our comments.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

7 Ways to Flirt on St. Patrick’s Weekend

There are a few holidays on the calendar that can bring out the flirt in you from Halloween to April Fool’s Day.

In between is one of my favorite holidays to celebrate with or without a date. This is St. Patrick’s Day.

Although I’m not Irish, I always wear something green, change my Twitter photo to include a leprechaun hat and hope that I’ll have the luck as a friend of the Irish.

Whether you know the history of St. Patrick or not, it’s the perfect time to brush up on your flirting skills to get ready for spring fever. With St. Patrick’s Day on a Sunday, you can start celebrating early and make it a weekend event.

To get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, you don’t need to be Irish. If you practice these expert dating and flirting skills, you’ll likely have a date on your calendar before the weekend is over, or will enjoy the time together with the object of your affection.

Online Dating and Flirting

1.  Log onto your online dating site and change your profile photo to wearing something green.

2.  Revise your headline or first sentence of your profile to days, “Kiss me if you’re Irish.”

3.  Send a text message the the person you’ve had a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

4.  Sign up for eHarmony’s free communication weekend from March 14 – 18 (5 Full Days! #af)

Offline Dating and Flirting

5.  If you have a date on the calendar, pick up a green carnation for him or her. Although receiving carnations might appear tacky on Valentine’s Day, a month later it’s fine. Suggest going to a St. Patrick’s Day parade together.

6.  Set up a coffee date and order the green tea Frappuccino at Starbucks or meet at an ice cream shop and grab a mint-chocolate ice cream cone.

7. If an Irish pub and drinking green beer isn’t your thing, go to a sushi bar or your favorite Japanese restaurant and sip on some hot green tea and order green-tea ice cream for dessert.

Keep in mind St. Patrick’s Day is the perfect time to practice the art of flirting. Go ahead and wear that flashing green button to draw attention to yourself. If you are not one to visit a local pub, go to a public place and wear green and start smiling. You have permission to do it all.

Do you have plans to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and is the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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The Digital Breakup – Is it Wrong?

Did you know that more than 30% of relationships have a digital ending?

According to a survey by Lab 42, 1/3 of people are breaking up via text, email, and on Facebook.

I strongly believe that if you’re in an intimate relationship or if you’ve committed to dating someone exclusively, calling it quits should happen in person.

Here are six common and inappropriate ways couples are breaking up in a digital world.

The Direct and Unilateral Breakup

1.     Text Message. Seeing a text message saying, “It’s not you, it’s me” is inconsiderate. It also shows signs of disrespect and cowardly behavior. If you can type on the phone, you should be able to pick up the phone and dial it as well.

2.     Email.  The “Dear John” letter of years ago has been replaced with an email saying it’s over. Do you really want to go down in history as the person who sent a digital “Dear John” letter? Type your letter and send it to yourself. Read it the next morning before calling it quits. You might feel different about it the next day and can possibly save your relationship. Remember. An email can be and will be forwarded, shared, or possibly end up in a blog post or magazine.

3.     The fax. Although fax machines are as obsolete as a rotary-dial phone, there still are cases where couples are filing for divorce via fax, with one party being in control and the recipient being shattered by the news.

The Passive-Aggressive Breakup

4.     Reactivating an Online Dating Profile. If your significant other disappears for a few days and doesn’t return your calls, it might be time to see if they’ve reactivated their online dating profile. Even if it’s active for an hour or a day, it’s likely that this will get noticed by one of your friends. Is it worth losing a relationship over? I say no.

5.     Facebook. Relationships are starting and ending on Facebook. I enjoy sharing the success stories on FacebookLoveStories.com, but cringe when I see someone changing their status relationship to “Single” without discussing it with their partner. Worse yet, a friend my see your sweetheart in the arms of another in a photo proudly displayed on his or her Facebook page.

6.    The Disappearing Act. Magicians should be left for the magic show, not for your relationship. If your needs aren’t being met or if you’ve found someone else, don’t leave someone hanging and just stop calling. It’s not over until both people realize where they stand.Don’t disappear on someone you once loved when you’ve unilaterally decided it was time to move on.

At the end of the digital day, you should treat people the way that you want to be treated. Don’t go down in history as being a digital dumper. Often the love you have with the person you’ve invested the time with is worth saving and will be worth its weight in gold, compared to the heartbreak you might be creating.

Have you ever ended a relationship digitally? Did someone ever dump you in an email or text?  Would you pull a disappearing act to avoid a confrontation?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo credit: Pavel Ignatov – Fotolia.com

Facebook Love Story – Patience and Sam

Meet Patience and Sam who fell in love on Facebook.

Over 25 years ago, Patience had a serious crush on Sam.

She knew him the class clown and the wildly popular senior who always found new ways to be in the spotlight.

By contrast, Patience was quiet and considered more of a wallflower. She thought that Sam was  “out of her league.” They two never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture. They still have that picture.

Twenty-six years went by. Sam got married and then divorced. He lived in Israel, where he was teaching college and high school French. Meanwhile in New York,  Patience had gone into publishing and had serial-dated for two decades. She was 41-yeats-old and thought she was completely over the New York dating scene, which she jokingly refers to as “buffet dating.”

In August 2009, in the “Suggested Friends” section on Facebook, Sam noticed “the little redhead” as one of his options and “friended” Patience immediately. For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular person from high school. She started flirting on Facebook by “liking” his morose status updates. Finally, Sam picked up the phone and called her. Their first phone conversation lasted for over two hours.

One Facebook friendship and three months of Skype dates later convinced them there was something there.  He asked if he could visit and possibly “marry and father her children.” Patience said all of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection between them.

On December 17, 2009, Sam uprooted himself to go west and saw Patience for the first time in twenty-six years. He ended up staying in New York. On their first visit to his father’s house in Miami, Sam dug out the original picture of them, which he’d kept all these years. They were married on January 16, 2011 and live in New York.

Congratulations to Patience and Sam, our featured couple in Facebook Love Stories.

Do you know someone who fell in love on Facebook?

 

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and FacebookLoveStories.com. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert. For Facebook dating advice, follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter and their Facebook Page

Pheromone Parties – Dating in a Scented World

Pheromone Parties. Could they be a new substitute for frustrated online daters? I was asked by CBS News to comment on the new trend that started in Los Angeles. Before the story went live, I posted the question on our Facebook page, with over an overwhelming response that singles believe the nose doesn’t always know.

Would you go to a pheromone party and how does it work?

Basically singles who participate must sleep in a tee shirt for several days, drop their sweaty tees’ into a jiffy bag, freeze them for three days, and bring them to a cocktail party for their potential date or mate to sniff their way to love. Is this a good way to start a relationship?

Is it chemistry, science, or just a passing fad?

Often singles get frustrated with both the bar scene and online dating in general. Having a “hook” to get singles together to meet in-real-life is a terrific idea. I look at Pheromone parties as a modern day replacement of wine-and-cheese parties. However, I question the desire of the masses to sniff out the armpits of tee-shirts that people have slept in for several days. Perhaps it’s something to try once, but don’t retire your online dating profile while in search of the perfect scent.

We know that certain scents will always be a turn-off for some, such as shirts permeated with the smell of cigarette or cigar smoke, or just plain old gym-sweat. However, some colognes or scents might remind someone of a former sweetheart and can increase your desire to meet that person. At the end of the day, finding someone compatible usually comes down to similar values and interests. If someone’s body-oder is a turn-off, you’ll know pretty quickly.

What did our Facebook friends have to say?

I asked our thousands of friends and followers, both male and female, single and married, to comment on Facebook.

Let’s hear it from the girls

Robin said, “Pheromone’s should be natural between people attracted to each other. Call me square but I wouldn’t be ready for something like that…”

Karyn said, “No. Only in L.A.”

Shelly chimed in with, “Oh my!”

Debbie said, “Not sure, but it is interesting to think about!”

Sara said, “You’d be smothered by Drakkar…..gross.”

Barbara said, “No. I like the smell of soap.”

Cindy said, “”LOL. Are you kidding?”

Rachel said, “Read about that. Creepy and gross.”

Let’s hear it from the boys

Jay said, “Not. I miss the old days of meeting a beautiful woman at a rock concert……..”

Peter said, “Saw a report on CNN on that the other day. No! C’mon people?”

Guy said, “I can see a new section on Jdate.com for this…..”

Ernie said, “LOL…LOL…are you kidding?”

Glenn said, “Hipsters will bite into anything new won’t they?”

David said, “Might work if I was a beagle….”

Mike said, “No! C’mon people?”

The married men chimed in

Gil said, “Well, AFTER we were married, my wife always wanted me to leave a worn shirt with her when I was away on trips. Sleeping with my scent comforted her.”

Ed said, “I’m sure glad that I’m an old married guy! : )

Only Mark seemed to think it was a viable dating option by saying, “Haven’t been having that much luck lately with my dates, so why not?”

Read the full article on CBS – KNXT, Las Vegas Pheromone Parties: A Scientific Way for Singles to Mingle

Would you go to a Pheromone party in your city?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. Her irresistible profiles help singles on the dating scene shorten their search to ride off into the digital sunset. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Photo credit: © Lorelyn Medina – Fotolia.com

How to Know if You’re in Flirtationship Mode

It can happen at any age, but when my friends at HerCampus reached out to me to talk about the flirtation phenomena that was happening on the college campuses everywhere, I wasn’t surprised. Dating and relating in a web 2.0 world is quite simply complicated these days.

We flirt in text messages, on twitter, in emails, and in-real-life.

If you regularly find yourself flirting with a guy friend but for one reason or another, you don’t become an official couple, guess what? Your relationship status can be defined as “In a Flirationship.”

So what is a flirtationship and how do you know if your relationship status is in that in-between phase that won’t move to the next level? A flirtationship is that fun and flirty in-between place of being just friends and without claiming that you’re in a relationship. More often than not, it doesn’t become a romantic relationship. It’s a friendship filled with flirting and sometimes benefits.

When your friends ask you if you and that guy who keeps escorting you to parties are dating, it’s time to take a romantic pause and ask yourself, “How do I feel about my guy pal? Can we become more than just-friends?” If you go to sleep at night with thoughts of him on your mind, it’s time to realize that you’re more than just friends.

For a list of rules on how to behave in a Flirtation relationship, read the full article on Her Campus.

Are you in a Flirtationship? We’d love to hear your story.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Follow @JulieSpira

Cyber Love Links

Links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.

We’ve gone green for St. Patrick’s Day and are feeling slightly crazy with March Madness going on. We couldn’t let the week end without thanking those who have featured us, quoted us, and share the articles we loved and tweeted this week.

A huge thank you to Jen Kirsch for featuring our advice on Canadian Living in 6 Online Dating Tips and Jenna Birch who asked for my two cents worth on YourTango in March Madness Time: 5 Reasons to Date a Girl Who Loves Sports. Very thrilled to appear on StyleList with the Rules of Netiquette for Texting and had a blast on Planet Love Match Radio with Jen and Josh.

Our friends at The Frisky posted the Official Frisky Girl Code of Conduct worth sharing. My friend Rita Watson wrote a beautiful post on Psychology Today, 13 Romantic Ideas for Lovers.  Match shared the Cities Luckiest in Love in 2011 and on Woman’s Day, you can read, 10 Things Your Husband’s Friends Won’t Tell You.

Don’t forget, our friends at eHarmony are having their Free Communication Weekend, so you just might have a St. Patrick’s date after all. We’ve officially changed our Facebook page to the new Timeline, so check out our new cover and Like us!

Connect with us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for free dating advice.

 

Dating Advice: When to Change Your Facebook Relationship Status

Thinking of changing your Facebook status to “In a Relationship?” Before you go pushing the update button, watch YourTango’s He Said, She Said video series, where I’m talking with Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women is Men about this hot topic.

Out of Work? Zoosk Says Try Your Luck at Dating

My friends over at social dating community Zoosk surveyed their members this month to learn more about the relationship between money and dating during the present economic climate. The good news for men is, if you’re unemployed, more women will want to date you than a year ago.

According to the study, 60% of women said they’d date someone unemployed. Compared to 52% in 2009, women are now adjusting their expectations in the available dating pool.

The study also revealed that 90% of men said they’d date someone unemployed. Is it still only about looks for men?

So how are these online daters spending their money? The Zoosk study says that 90% of men say they usually pick up the tab on a date. It also appears men are spending more money on the average date than they did a year ago.The women on the other hand, are spending less than they did a year ago.

More singles are taking advantage of free activities than a year ago.

Should you tell your date you are unemployed? According to Zooskers, the answer is yes. 83% of men and 93% of women agree that if you’re out of work, you should reveal it right away.

Has the economy affected the ways that you date? Are you attending more free events? Let us know your thoughts. Comments are always appreciated.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and dating coach. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

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