How to Make the Most of Your Free eHarmony Weekend

Labor Day weekend is almost here.  Starting tonight at midnight, our friends at eHarmony have a special weekend that I highly recommend.

Goodbye, Summer. Hello, Love. Connect on eHarmony FREE 9/3-6!

With summer relationships winding down, many singles will be looking for love online. If you’re ready to start dating, here’s my advice on how to make this weekend work the best for you during their 4-day event.

1. You can take advantage of their offer by signing up now and creating your profile so it’s ready to go tonight at midnight. Their in-depth questionnaire is really targeted to those who are looking for serious relationships and marriage.

2. If you need help with your irresistible online dating profile, at Cyber-Dating Expert, we work with singles to make the process easier and more enjoyable.

3. Make sure you carve out the time to get organized and spend several hours a day reviewing the matches that eHarmony sends to you.

4. Respond in a timely manner to those who start the communication process with you.

5. If you’re ready to communicate, jump over to their fast-track where you can send emails to your matches.

I know that eHarmony works. I was with dozens of their success couples in New York during their 10th anniversary celebration earlier this month. Their online dating site is now responsible for over 500 people getting married every day.

Don’t Labor Over Finding Love—Connect on eHarmony FREE 9/3-6! Let us know if you meet that someone special!

Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira to Appear at Singles Brunch

Although summer is nearing an end, the Summer Singles Brunch events at LA Singles Society are continuing into the fall. It’s with great pleasure and an honor to be invited to speak to the group on Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 11:30 am in Tarzana, CA.

Tickets are $8.00 and include 45 minutes of networking, light lunch, and then singles will learn the art of how to create an irresistible online dating profile.

There will be a book signing of The Perils of Cyber-Dating at the event. It’s a terrific way to meet other singles and get expert dating advice. Come with your questions and online dating profile screen names and leave enriched and ready to embark on your successful journey in cyberspace.

To purchase tickets visit LA Singles Society

Dating Without Drama on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

If it’s time to leave the drama behind, you’ll want to listen to our radio show featuring Paige Parker and Dating Without Drama. Learn how to move your relationship status from single and skeptical to confident and committed.

Find out about more about Facebook Without Drama including should you friend your new beau on Facebook and the dos and don’ts of text messaging your date.

You’ll hear about the red flags and deal breakers for online daters and Paige will share her personal story on how she became a very happily married woman by changing her personal strategies.

Listen to hear dating advice from myself as well as Paige on this special edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Weekly Flirt – Dating Advice and Your Online Dating Stories

Click here and let the flirting begin>>>

Peril of the Week – No Photo, No Class

The online dating profile of a sophisticated woman simply stated, contact me if my profile piques your curiosity. The response rate was high from men curious to know more about this mysterious woman who was a bestselling author. On the list of her favorite items was the name of a well-respected magazine, Vanity Fair,  which she reads  from cover-to-cover every month to enrich her life.

Sharing hobbies and interests is an important part of your online dating profile. Favorite movies, books, travel spots, they all give an indication of what you like to do in your spare time.

You can’t imagine how stunned she was one day when she received an email from a man without a profile photo. This man decided to make it a point to insult a woman he never met.

His email simply stated  the following:

Photo: None

Subject matter:  He typed the word, “None.”

A bit confused by the introduction, the body of the email was quite insulting. It simply stated:

“Your intelligence can be determined by what you read, and it certainly can be stimulated by penetrating reading.”

“Vanity Fair is definitely not an example of profound literature, but it’s the only reading that apparently you’ve done recently and that you’re proud to share with others. I can’t imagine that your book has any depth if what you’ve been feeding your brain is essentially tabloid trivia.”

On a personal note, the woman who was the recipient of this email was none other than myself. One has to ask, what is the purpose of deliberately insulting someone they have never met? And why hide behind a profile without a photo? My mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” My mother’s dating advice is smart. She’s a wise woman.

Do you have an online dating story to share? For consideration in the Peril of the Week, please send us your stories.

Click here for more Peril of the Week Stories>>>

Cyber Dating Tip – Going from Online to Offline

This week’s Cyber Dating tip for successful online dating is quite simply, take your relationship from online to offline as soon as possible.

How soon you may ask? After sending a few emails, it’s best to move the relationship to the telephone. Find out if you have that same offline chemistry and you have online. Too often, I see singles falling in love from behind their computer screens. Sometimes, it’s with someone they believe is single and is available for a relationship, when in fact the complete opposite can be true. If during your phone conversation, you don’t feel comfortable, don’t feel obligated to set up a date on the calendar.

For more cyberdating tips and dating advice, Visit CyberDatingExpert.com

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Paige Parker

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Join Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira at a very special time and date on Friday, August 27, 2010 at 3pm with Paige Parker, author of Dating Without Drama on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

You’ll hear Paige’s dating advice on how a woman can successfully attract a man, leave the drama behind, and become more confident while looking for love online.

You won’t want to miss this end of summer special program.

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/ET, 12noon/CT, 11am/PT to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Signs You May be Dating a Cyber Player

You’ve signed up for an online dating site. Your inbox is full of interested singles trying to capture your attention. You put yourself out there and opened up your heart. How can you tell if he’s sincere or if he or she is a cyber player or serial dater?

In a recent article on Sympatico.ca Personals, I shared some of my insights, online dating tips,  and red flags with Jenna Stone.

They’re the scourge of the dating scene, the stealth enemy of anyone seeking a long-term, committed relationship – The Players.

There you are, putting yourself out there, hoping to find someone with whom to spend your life, and there he/she is messing it all up. They make the apparent right gestures and tell you what you want to hear, all the while working the same schtick on someone else, or several someone elses.

And they’re not just lurking in the bars and clubs either. They’re online, sneaking around your favourite dating sites. How can you avoid…(insert dramatic B Movie monster music here)…THE CYBER PLAYER?

Julie Spira is a cyber dating expert, and author of the online book The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She offered some insight on how to keep the cyber serial dater at bay.

She says, “There are certainly a lot of them online. They become these little kids in a candy store because they can always find a pretty face. And they get five new e-mails in their inbox every day.” Spira is quick to point out that, while many people DO indeed commit, the web has “really created a feeding ground for people who can’t.”

Spira says there are two categories of online players. The first are people who are also offline players and it’s how they live their lives. “They see online dating as an extra way to feed their egos.”  The other type, she says, are those who were shy and unlucky in love, but then tried online dating and “all of the sudden they go from being socially challenged to suddenly having all of these options.”

Sometimes, she adds, they don’t even meet anyone in person. “They just talk and chat. They get sort of addicted to it.”

So, that’s red flag #1. They keep putting off meeting you in real life. Seems obvious right? But a lot of people can’t read the clearest signs and wind up wasting a lot of time.
If someone won’t eventually come play outside, they might not be socially capable. They might even be hiding behind an entirely constructed persona.

Once you do meet them outside, Spira says that, oddly, they tend to come on strong and talk a lot about commitment. “When you go on a date with a cyber player, they will say things that are the complete opposite from what you’d expect. They say things like ‘I was married before and I want to be married again,’ ‘I’m looking for one woman to wake up with every morning.’ They say these types of things a little too much and you might find yourself raising an eyebrow.”

But then, right after they leave you, they’re back cruising the cyber singles scene.
“They go home and send you an e-mail that says ‘I had such an amazing date with you, there was so much chemistry. I can’t wait to see you again,’ and you see that they’ve already logged on at 12:30 in the morning after your date ended at eleven o’clock that night.” (Most dating sites allow you to see when a member is online)

Of course, it’s OK to spend as much time as you please cruising when you’re just dating. It’s when things are supposed to be getting serious that these become red flags.
Spira advises you err on the side of caution, keep your own profile up and continue to date other people. And, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, “Do not sleep with someone who is unwilling to pull down their profile.

“If you’re on a casual dating site and are advertising that you’re accepting that type of relationship, that’s one thing. But if you go on a site dedicated to serious relationships, like e-Harmony or JDate or Match.com, and you state on the profile that you are looking for a long term relationship and marriage, that’s another.”

It’s a common question: When is the appropriate time to take down the profile? There’s no right answer. But you need to be comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable with the other person’s profile remaining up, then it’s not unreasonable to address that.

Spira says, “I’ve seen it too many times where a woman says ‘I’ve been dating this guy for a year and he won’t pull down his profile.’ I say, ‘Well, you never really talked about that before your clothes wound up on the floor.”

The bottom line? Talk about it.

Once offline, if you find yourself falling for a player and want to try to get them to tame their wild ways, Spira suggests a few things that include,
1: Keeping busy. Don’t always be readily available and live a life that’s exciting and fun, and will continue to be so with or without them in it.
2. Setting a time limit. Make it clear you’ll only wait around for so long.
3. Giving instructions on how you want to communicate. If you want daily phone calls and flirty text messages, Spira says don’t be afraid to ask for them.

A lot of people do find themselves trying to catch the player, convinced they can make them change. It’s one option.

Remember, there’s always another option. You could just move on to someone else.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for Dating Advice

We Magazine Names Cyber-Dating Expert in Top 101 Women Bloggers to Watch in 2010

It’s with great honor to announce that Cyber-Dating Expert has been named One of the Top 101 Women Bloggers to Watch in 2010 by We Magazine for Women.

According to We Magazine’s editor, Heidi Richards, “This list of inspiring and aspiring bloggers is one of our best yet.” Richards added, “Most of the women bloggers to watch that made this list have been blogging for at least 2 years, but we do have some relative newcomers to the world of blogging.  Each blog has a style of its own with substantive content that is both interesting and targeted to specific demographics.

Julie Spira, founded Cyber-Dating Expert in 2008 prior to the publication of her bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. “It’s truly an honor to be listed among this esteemed group of women who are making a difference through blogging,” said Spira. Spira added, “I hope to share my 16 years of online dating advice  and tips with singles on the dating scene.” Cyber-Dating Expert provides dating advice and is a site where singles and couples share their online dating stories.

For a complete list of bloggers, visit We Magazine.

Follow Julie on Twitter Facebook Fan Page Linkedin YouTube Huffington Post

7 First Date Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

Recently, I wrote an article for Match.com’s Happen magazine about first date blunders you should avoid while looking for love online. Here are some first-date mistakes that you absolutely can’t afford to make if you want to put a second date on your planning calendar.

Click here for full article on Match>>>

Experts know that online dating can be a numbers game. You need to always put your best foot forward when you find a profile that’s intriguing and are interested in pursuing someone. But what many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may also be many other people’s favorite, too!

I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates — and you can’t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line.

1. Avoid the ex-factor.

I’ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.

2. Flirting with disaster.

My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It’s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.

3. Don’t dress for the bedroom.

Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn’t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you’re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.

4. Obey the food and beverage rule.

While dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week, if a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you’d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat.

5. Hide the iPhone and BlackBerry.

Sure, you connect with others online. You can even use MatchMobile™ while you’re on the go. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn’t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you’re on a date.

6. Do your homework.

Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you’re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she’s actually been married twice before. A man won’t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he’s really a doctor. Print out your date’s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don’t act like this person’s just another number in a series and that you’re too busy dating around to remember individual details.

7. It’s a first date, not an instant relationship.

Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be The One, don’t start talking about your future together right now. It’s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it’s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don’t start filling up someone’s life as the instant girlfriend or instant boyfriend. It can come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable!

Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don’t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she’d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you’ve hit the jackpot.

Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating who posted her first online dating profile in 1994 and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Spira’s dating advice has been featured in such publications as The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Glamour, Men’s Health, Woman’s Day, and more. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira

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