Cyber Love Links – Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love
We’re still in the merry month of May, which has been proclaimed Romance Month. So if you have a digital crush on someone or would like to reconnect with a former college flame, reach out and feel the love.
It’s that time of the week where we take a moment to share the articles on the web and Twitter as well as thank those who have featured Cyber-Dating Expert in their many articles.
First with the gratitude: Thank you to GenConnect and our friend Laurel House, Quickie Chick for the great video interview, How to Create You Love Life Resume. Sure we know you don’t want to look at online dating like a chore or a job, but here are some tips to ramp up your search. Also, a huge thank you to YourTango who collected a group of experts for a 7-Day Love Your Body series. We wish women wouldn’t feel so insecure about their appearance. Men do love the real you, so enjoy our advice in 16 Things You Hate About Your Body That Men Love. The Friends of Ricki community shared our FOX News video on their Facebook page for their relationship Tuesday topic, so stop by and say hello! Our article, To Text or Not to Text: Crazy Dating Texts That Went Viral was shared by everyone who prays they never become that girl or guy.
On Twitter, some of our favorite stories included Huffington Post Weddings: How to Stop Money Problems in Your Marriage Before They Start. Do men think you’ll go to bed with them on the first date if you wear red? I say no. YourTango Experts say yes. Let us know what you think. Our friend Jeannie Assimos at eHarmony Advice posted a great article, Online Dating Wisdom from Hall and Oates. On The Rules of Netiquette, we shared Texting While Walking Will Cost You a Ticket. Better sit on a park bench to let your date know you’re running late. Match just announced their events for singles as well as Beyond the Wink: Games to play online. Let us know what you think.
We’re getting ready to launch the Mobile Dating Bootcamp and next week you’ll meet our contestants!
Our favorite quote of the week came from Sir Paul McCartney: “And, in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
For more dating advice, Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and join our Weekly Flirt.
To Text, or Not to Text – Crazy Dating Texts That Went Viral
Dating and humor. It can be a winning combination for those looking for love online, and lethal for those who suffer from a texting anxiety complex.
First we saw the single girl with the cat video which spread across the Internet. We laughed, we shared it, and we really didn’t want to be that girl.
Then we found out about Ashton Kutcher’s online dating video, which was a spoof.
Most of us remember spreadsheet guy, who was totally embarrassed that his date and her friends leaked his private excel spreadsheet with comments about each date to the media.
But the saddest of them all are those who suffer from the crazy texting syndrome. Both men and women are not immune from this new epidemic.
A few stories have been spreading online with screen shots of text messages that will make you cringe. Yes, both men and women get obsessed with sending breakup texts or ones begging their dates to see them again.
Those desperate to love and be loved sometimes can’t always control their digital fingers. They call, they text, they email, they beg, become control freaks, breakup, and in the end they make complete fools of themselves for the rest of the world to see. Even if he or she might be interested in a second date or reconciliation, this behavior chases them away in a New York minute.
Gawker reported on the Fedora Lawyer guy in New York who went to the movies to see The Avengers with a movie date who needed to keep the upper digital hand. His date wasn’t that into him, but she behaved properly on the date, didn’t insult him and let him know she had a nice time, but he wasn’t for her. This is more typical than not, as most singles don’t get to a second date.
The Fedora was described as passive-aggressive. He decided to rate his date a 5.5 out of 10 and put her down saying it was her loss.
A few months ago, BuzzFeed shared the story of the girl who slept with the guy on a first date. She subsequently sent over 50 messages in 3 days, both begging him to see her and getting angry with him. All they had was one date. Now she has a permanent digital footprint on the Internet of a drama she probably wished she hadn’t been a participant on.
The point is that we all want to feel love and be loved so badly, that sometimes we act in desperate ways to connect which results in sabotaging any potential with your new crush. Sure we can make fun of these stories. When I wrote The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I wanted to share some humor about my own personal stories that I believed others could relate to. But there comes a time where you need to take the high road, hold your head up and have some dignity and just walk away when it’s over.
Dating is a numbers game. Instant chemistry is rare. When you find it, don’t take it for granted. Don’t play texting games or try to manipulate someone to like you or see you again if the feelings aren’t mutual. Let the relationship move at a healthy course and keep the communications open. If someone politely says they’re busy and can’t get together again, don’t let it become an interrogation or deposition. You don’t want to go down in history as being that crazy guy or girl that no one will want to go out with again.
At the end of the digital day, think before you text. Anything you send digitally can and will be shared. There’s always someone else who will find you to be an incredible addition to his or her life. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.
Don’t Become a Digital Dating Fool while Dating in a Web 2.0 World.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. Connect with Julie on Facebook and Twitter. Join in the conversation on the pages for The Rules of Netiquette and Cyber-Dating Expert and share your online dating stories.
Should Single Parents Mention Their Kids on Online Dating Profiles?
It’s Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is just around the corner. It’s time to honor the single parents who are trying to find love on the Internet.
Being a single parent can be tricky. You should be proud and excited about your child’s school play or graduation. I personally believe kids, especially in their formulative years while still in the household should rank higher on the totem pole than your date.
Our friends at Sparkology posed the question to 10 relationship experts, myself included. We all chimed in with our thoughts in the latest expert panel, Should Single Mom’s Include Their Kids in Online Dating Profiles?
I’m a big believer that hiding children is a big mistake. You want to attract someone who admires you for being a great parent. I also believe that you shouldn’t post photos of your kids on your profile as it’s exploitative. Put yourself in your kids shoes. Do they really want to know you’re advertising for a new step parent or lover along with their smiling faces?
The boomer market is the largest growing age range for singles looking for love online. Most of them have children. Some have taken on the role as a full-time single parent. Some are interested in blending families and others are not.
It’s important for your date to understand that your children are a priority for you, but there’s still room for them. It’s a balancing act that if handled properly can result in enriching everyone’s life.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the single moms who are proud of their children. One day you’ll have an empty nest and can look back on these days knowing you did the best in your role as a parent, both while married, while alone, and while you were dating for companionship and love.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating and cyber-relations expert. Visit her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert, @JulieSpira on Twitter, and sign up for the Weekly Flirt for more dating advice.
Photo credit: © Konstantin Tavrov – Fotolia.com
Dating Advice: To Take Down, or Not to Take Down Your Profile
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Dating in a Web 2.0 World can be very tricky and emotional at times. The big drama often surrounds one pulling down their online dating profile while the other is still playing the field. I’m not into game playing and believe you should follow your heart.
However, it’s rare for two people who are in a new relationship to be on the same digital page on each and every date. While you’re in the getting-to-know you phase, the best rules are ones which include honesty and avoid entrapment.
So when I was asked by Diane Mapes to contribute to her article on Match.com’s Happen Magazine, in Pulling your profile after finding The One, I was happy to share my thoughts.
Let’s start with the unplugging parties. Should you agree to have a celebration and pull down your profiles together? It’s a growing popular trend, but I think it comes with too much pressure. If the man suggests an unplugging celebration and you feel great about it, go ahead and do so. It’s like having a digital anniversary. While I believe a woman could suggest future outings and dates, I don’t believe she should be the one to schedule a date to unplug. There’s still some old-fashioned chivalry and courtship that takes place, both online and offline.
In matters of digital courting, typically the man takes down his profile first. Perhaps he’ll share that information with his date, but if they’ve just met, it can scare a woman away. She’ll be flattered, but might not be ready to go to the next step of dating exclusively or be ready for any intimate expectations that might be expected with retiring dating profiles. If a woman takes down her profile, guys shouldn’t run away thinking she did it for them. Often a woman will receive too many emails from men she isn’t interested in, or her paid membership may have expired.
Taking down your profile as well as changing your Facebook relationship status can be a big deal and come along with 2-dimensional assumptions that could kill your relationship.
The best times to take down your profile:
1. You’re tired of online dating and are receiving too many emails from incompatible people, or too few emails to make it worth your while.
2. You have a crush on someone and you don’t want him or her to think you’re a serial dater logging in daily to see the next fresh face.
3. One has already taken their profile down and you feel you’d like to reciprocate and see where the relationship will go.
4. You both agree to date exclusively.
5. Before you become physically intimate.
The worst times to take down a profile:
1. After a first date. Sorry, it’s just too soon and will send him or her running with the fear they are in an instant relationship.
2. If you feel pressured to do so by the other party.
3. To make someone else you like feel jealous.
4. To pressure your date to do the same.
5. To hide it temporarily before your date knowing you plan on re-posting it when you get home.
When *Debbie was thinking about going on her first romantic weekend away with *Mike, it made sense for the two of them to take down their profiles. However *Mike gave her the big ultimatum. She wasn’t exactly ready to retire her profile, but he kept her on the phone and walked her through the instructions until he was satisfied that her profile was removed. Debbie found this behavior controlling and their relationship ran its course. She still tells me that she remembers the day that he forced her to take down her profile, or he’d be moving on.
When *Mark told *Jill he had taken his profile down on their 4th date, Jill was flattered, but told him she just wasn’t ready. She hoped that she would catch up, but was open to dating others still. After the 6th date, Jill decided to date Mark exclusively and took down her profile on her own. This relationship started off based upon honesty and without manipulation. Mark was willing to wait for Jill rather than leave her for a more eager face. The two eventually got engaged.
At the end of the digital day, I believe in developing the friendship part of your relationship if you’re looking for long-term love. Remember, you’ve met online and you’re creating your relationship history now offline. Taking down your profile doesn’t mean you’re going ring shopping or heading to the altar. It doesn’t mean you’re jumping into bed either. Often it’s a gesture to show genuine interest. Be flattered when he or she takes down their profile, but don’t go crazy with assumptions and over analyze the situation. You’re just dating and getting to know each other. Enjoy the journey.
Julie Spira is an online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Cyber Love Story of the Week – Dabney and Vic
After 15 years of marriage, Dabney was ready to start dating again. She created a profile on Match.com and went on just five lunch dates.
When she first spoke to Vic, the two had instant phone chemistry. Vic had his list of questions that he asked all prospective dates. Dabney passed the test with flying colors.
When the two finally met in person, they were both delighted that the phone chemistry matched their feelings in-real-life. Vic went to hold Dabney’s hand and she pulled back in surprise. Vic asked Dabney, “Did you feel that?” Dabney tells us, “It was electric.”
Dabney and Vic were fortunate to have felt a spiritual and soulful connection on their first date. Five years later, during a vacation in the Florida Keys, Vic proposed to Dabney. Dabney, of course said “Yes!”
Congratulations to Dabney and Vic, who prove that you can have a second chance at love while looking for love online.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is an online dating, netiquette and cyber-relations expert. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt. Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Is Creating an Excel Spreadsheet for Dating Creepy or Smart?
The financial guy whose online dating excel spreadsheet was spread all of the Internet was big news this week. Dealbreaker broke the story and he became the laughing stock in the dating world.
As an online dating expert, I’m here to defend him. I believe that online dating is a numbers game. In fact, when I coach singles on finding love online, I create a Microsoft excel spreadsheet for them to be organized, and I’ve been doing this for over 15 years. I’ve also written about the use of excel spreadsheets in my bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, which was released in 2009.
Sure, financial guy’s comments shouldn’t have been shared with his date. Even though she was number one on the list, remember anything that you send via email can be, and assume will be shared. Whether he likes his women hot or young is not the issue.
Looking for love online, if you’re truly serious about it can be compared to looking for a job. A well-organized job seeker will be more successful in finding his dream job. So will a well-organized dater.
So to those of you who have commented that this guy was creepy, I have to disagree. He appears to be a smart and busy businessman. Busy executive and CEOs don’t have a lot of free time to date, but they certainly spend a lot of time on their computers and mobile phones.
The only dating advice I can offer is to not should share your private information about your other dates with someone you’re dating. I’m sure financial guy learned his lesson well. Sometimes men and women are on a need-to-know basis. His date didn’t need to know about the other women he was pursuing.
Would you create a spreadsheet to organize your dates?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Online Dating Tips for Spring Fever
Whether your relationship recently ended, are newly divorced, or have taken a break from dating, we’re here to help you with your digital search. These lucky seven tips will speed the process so you won’t be wasting your time with Mr. or Ms. Wrong this spring.
1. Be open to all of the possibilities. With the change of seasons comes a new attitude, both online and offline. Outdoor cafes are filled with patrons again. Convertible tops are down, and it’s time to tune up your flirting techniques and jump back on the online dating saddle.
2. Dress it up. Appearance counts online and offline. After all, isn’t it your goal to turn that online romance into an offline relationship? Spend an afternoon spring-cleaning session in your very own closet. Recycle a dress or outfit in your closet and make it your first date outfit.
3. Sensual Scent. Try a fresh new perfume or cologne to wear on your first online date. Hopefully your date won’t be allergic and will find your new scent appealing enough to put a second date on the calendar.
4. Going Mobile! Why wait to go home to meet your dream date? Download a mobile dating app and respond to your date’s email while it’s still fresh in your inbox. Here’s the Mobile Dating Expert’s list with some of our favorites.
5. Turn on your webcam. Many online dating sites now offer webcam or video chat as part of their features. Go ahead and put on your lipstick and comb your hair. Remember to smile. It’s show time. By using video chat, your potential honey will know it’s the real you and not your younger sister. This will prevent that disappointing look one receives when the photos of their online dates don’t match up in real life.
6. Renew and Refresh. If you’ve let your online dating account expire, go ahead and renew your membership. Refresh your profile with new photos and a new catchy screen name. Need a little help? Check out IRRESISTIBLE profiles, and we’ll help you in your quest to find love online.
7. It’s a numbers game. We know that online dating can be a lot of work and is time consuming. So is finding your dream job and working out at the gym. Allocate an hour a day every day to your online dating site. Respond to, or write to at least 5 online profiles every day for one week and see what happens. Check out who’s viewed your profile or added you to their favorites or hot lists and send them an email. Initiate the conversation and you may find someone who will be so flattered to hear from you.
If you are lucky in love and meet the one online, let us know. We may feature you in the Cyber Love Story of the Week.
~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Cyber Love Links
It’s a beautiful spring weekend and time to share some of our favorite stories about dating, love and romance from around the web and on Twitter with you.
First of all, we’d like to thank Ithaca College for the terrific article in their IC View magazine that is sent out to all alumni. The story, Finding Love Online featured my dating advice and tips for singles on the dating scene. Many thanks to our friends at Sparkology for including us in their Dating Experts column in, “How to Politely Say You’re Not Interested.”
My two cents worth:
More often-than-not, online messages are ignored. Don’t start humming to the Nick Lowe song, “You’ve Got to be Cruel to be Kind” if you decide to respond. Say thank you, but add that you don’t feel you have enough in common to pursue a relationship, or let them know if they’re out of your geographic location or age range.
Of course the hot romantic news of the week was the Friday the 13th announcement of Brad and Angelina’s engagement. There’s no shortage of stories about the ring, but our favorites include CBS News who reports that Brad worked on the engagement ring for a year and Vanity Fair who announced that the famous ring now has an agent.
USA Today interviewed Steve Harvey, author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, which we had featured in our Reading Room. In this article, the cast dished dating advice, both from the film and how they handle love in the real world. Cosmo posted 10 Fun First Date Ideas He’ll Love. Our favorite was sneaking into a matinee. Our friend Natasha Burton posted on Huffington Post Weddings: Should You Follow Your Nose — Not Your Heart–To Find Love. Would you go to a Pheromone Party to find love at first sniff? See what Natasha has to say on the subject.
YourTango reported on Chris Noth’s (aka Mr. Big) Hawaiian wedding bells to his long-time girlfriend Tara Wilson. Yes, there can be happy ending for a 10-year relationship. Sometimes patience is a virtue.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Team
Online Dating Advice on Planet Love Match
It was an honor to be a guest on Planet Love Match Radio with hosts Jen Tapiero and Josh Nasar. Some dating advice included what to put in your online dating profile as well as topics to avoid. Learn what makes a profile irresistible with dating tips for singles looking for love online. Also in this episode, Quentin Aaron, from The Blind Side joined the show and talked about his views on dating.
For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Julie Spira is a cyber-relations and online dating expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com and writes irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene.
Online Dating Advice – How Many People Should I Talk to At Once?
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
We’ve all heard that online dating is a numbers game. 122 million worldwide to be exact according to ComScore’s research.
When we created Jerry’s irresistible profile, [winks, emails, and IMs, oh my!] his response was “OMG, this stuff is like crack!” While we want you to fall in love and give you many tools to do so, we certainly don’t want to create a universe of online dating addicts.
Having too many conversations at once or viewing too many profiles doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful with the process. As a matter of fact, it could actually backfire on you.
The first week your profile is active is always the busiest time. It then settles down to a more manageable pace. Those who winked at you or flirted with you without a profile are probably not paying members or are not serious about the process, so unless you like their profile, you can just ignore them. If you like the profile, don’t wink or flirt back. Be bold and send an email saying hello. You can even thank them for the wink to let them know you’ve noticed.
I recommended to Jerry that he shouldn’t communicate with more than 5 people at a time. Limiting the ongoing communication will give you the opportunity to get to know someone. If the online conversation goes well, then schedule a phone date. If you feel like you’re at the dentist’s office where someone is pulling teeth, don’t schedule a date.
I shared my thoughts in the ask the dating experts column on Sparkology on how to politely say you’re not interested.
More often-than-not, online messages are ignored. Don’t start humming to the Nick Lowe song, “You’ve Got to be Cruel to be Kind” if you decide to respond. Say thank you, but add that you don’t feel you have enough in common to pursue a relationship, or let them know if they’re out of your geographic location or age range.
Wishing you much joy and love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Like us at Facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert for more dating advice.
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