Dating Advice – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

I’m a 42-year old male and have never been married. I’m Jewish and would like to meet a Jewish woman and have children. I’ve tried JDate and have met some nice women, but no one worth marrying.  I’d like a woman who is honest, kind, pretty, who must be politically and sexually compatible with myself. Do you think I’m too picky?

~Single Guy in LA

Dear Single Guy,

There are more women than you can imagine who are looking for a marriage-minded man. Especially one who is interested in having children. Focus in on the profiles of women that specifically say they are looking for children. Join more than one dating site to widen your search. Be open to the possibilities of meeting someone who is divorced and may want to have another child.

As far as politically compatible, join the political groups and attend fundraisers where you will meet women you know you can easily have a conversation with. Unless you are hopping into bed right away, you won’t know if you are sexually compatible. Chances are if the first kiss is good, it’s a sign of good things to come. Hang in there and go on at least 3 dates with a woman who matches your requirements in 3 out of the 5 categories. No one gets it all, all the time.

Good luck with your search.

Julie Spira

Julie Spira is known worldwide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

The Valentine’s Day Cut Off Rule

It’s now 5 days before Valentine’s Day. The Super Bowl memories are starting to fade. Have you asked your date to be your Valentine yet? If not, are you aware that there is a “cut-off” rule for when to solidify who you will be spending February 14th with?

If you have watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, you might recall that Larry discussed the cut-off rule in an episode. They determined 9:30-10:00pm for the cut-off time to phone a friend. It became a heated discussion. The same theory applies to Valentine’s Day.

In my online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, one of my rules of netiquette was the cut-off rule. This rule applied to the most common misrepresentation in an online dating profile – the accuracy of your age . Although I believe in authenticity, I had decided that 5-10 years was the maximum amount of years that you could take off your age in your profile. I added that you need to be honest in the body of your email, on the phone, or certainly the latest by the first-date. I don’t promote lying on your profile, I just know that many singles want to fit into a search.

So, getting back to Valentine’s Day. When is it too late to ask the woman you are dating out for Sunday night?  Here’s my relationship advice. I took a poll during the Super Bowl and most men felt they could wait until the last day, if there was chemistry with someone they had just met. I disagreed. I told them, one week maximum, and that once the Super Bowl was over, it was time to put the date in ink on the calendar and get whatever remaining reservations were available at such a late date.

Think about it. Most restaurants book up a month in advance of Valentine’s Day. There will be slim pickings. You can always bring food home and set the table with fine china and candles, but it won’t be the same. If you are waiting until the last minute, don’t be surprised to find your date has made other plans. A smart, confident woman doesn’t wait around for the phone to ring. She’d rather be alone than be an afterthought.  If you have made Valentine’s plans and have a change of heart, don’t go down in history as the guy or girl who cancels on her Valentine’s date the week of because something better came along. It will come back to haunt you. If you are gearing up for this romantic day, logging into your online dating profile on a regular basis during the days leading to Valentine’s may get you in the “dog house.” It certainly won’t get you into the bedroom.

With or without a date, my advice is to try and enjoy Valentine’s Day and be open to the possibilities of love. It may arrive on time, or it may be late. If you are really interested in pursuing someone romantically, don’t forget Valentine’s Day. If so, be prepared that your calls won’t be returned.

Julie Spira is known world wide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants

Here’s one for the boys. With almost half of the Cyber-Dating Expert readers being male, it was time to feature a book in the Reading Room with dating advice for men.

I’m please to introduce you to Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man by Elliott Katz.

It’s a short book–more of a conversation between a young married man and his very wise grandfather. He clearly points out that every man wants to be the hero to his wife. His book will give you specific examples on how to achieve this. There is no confusing the matter. Most women want a strong man that they can look up to. Elliott points out shifts in behavior to get a more favorable response from the women in your life. Read this book and learn how to become more successful with the women in your life.

Click here to purchase your copy

Click here to see more books in the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room

What To Do When She Loses Interest

Read my dating advice on DateDaily.com, where a man needs some dating advice with the woman he met online who doesn’t seem to spend enough time with him. Separately, read about the woman who likes dating much younger men and wanted some advice about her current relationship. She falls into the category of being a Cougar.

Feel free to comment if you can relate to either of these situations.

Click here to read article

7 Online Dating Tips to Get Lucky in Love for the Holidays

Thanksgiving is around the corner and at this joyous time, it can also be very lonely and filled with anxiety for singles.

If you want to get lucky in love, here are my SEVEN dating tips to help you find love online in time for the holidays so you won’t be flying solo on New Year’s Eve.

1. Create an IRRESISTIBLE online dating profile.

• This includes a catchy screen name, professional photos, and an alluring essay that will pique his curiosity.
• If you are online now, change your screen name and reinvent yourself.

2. Let’s Get Organized

• Create a simple excel spreadsheet to help you sift through the possible dates to narrow down your search.

3. Don’t Wait. Initiate

• Women are told not to initiate contact with men and to let them do the pursuing. Why limit your possibilities? Come up with creative and  key opening lines to initiate contact with men who will be flattered to hear from you.

4. It’s All About Color

• Sure nothing beats the little black dress.  But for the holidays, spice up your look up with color. Wear red, gold, blue, or a color that will make you shine.

5. Find the Time

• Don’t spend all your time on the computer. Start filling up your calendar and transfer your online life to an offline relationship.

6. The Magic of 3

• Spend 3 hours a week minimum on your online dating site.
• Sign up for 3 online dating sites. Choose one a niche site, one larger mainstream site, and one a free online dating site.
• Write to 3 men EVERY day.
• Go on 3 dates a day. Does this sound impossible or frightening to you? Start with coffee in the morning, schedule a casual lunch during the day, and in the afternoon meet someone for coffee or drinks. You may be so pleased with your results that one of these dates could turn into a dinner date.

7. Cast a Wide Net

• Don’t toss away the date without chemistry. Consider each date as a new friend who may invite you to a holiday party. Expand your social and business network and be open to all of the possibilities.

For more personalized cyberdating tips and relationship advice, contact us for private coaching with Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira, Let us help you create your IRRESISTIBLE online dating profile in time for the holidays or visit CyberDatingExpert.com where we provide dating advice for men and women.

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert:Advice – How do I let her know I’m Interested?

James came to me looking for relationship advice in letting a girl he has liked for 6 months know his true feelings.

Dear Julie

Hi. I have a couple of questions.

I really really like this girl and have liked her for 6 months. I danced with her at a dance and would like to know what I can do to make this girl like me back.

I want to tell her my real feelings and I don’t know when where and how
to do it.

James

Dear James,

There is no way to force a woman to have the same feelings for you as you have for her. Asking her to dance was a good first start. Generally a woman will realize that you like her just by approaching her. Your next step would be to ask her out for a private date for a casual lunch of get together, not in a group setting. If she accepts your invitation, your relationship is going in the right direction. If she doesn’t, be happy that you have a nice friendship. Some relationships take time to build.

Our recent Cyber Love Story of the Week couple who met on Match.com is the perfect example of this. In this case, Lynn gave gave Dave the “Let’s be friends” talk as she didn’t feel anything for him romantically. He stuck in there as her friend and confidant, and over time grew to love him. They were just married about a month ago. Patience is a virtue. Let us know how your first date went with the object of your affection.

Do you have a dating question you would like answered? If so, send contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com where we provide dating advice for men and women.

Dating Advice – 5 Reasons She Won’t Call You Back

Too often I hear men complaining that women won’t respond to their online dating profile or call them back. They get frustrated and take down their cyberdating profile without realizing what they have done wrong.

Here are my top 5 reasons why your email may end up in the trash bin and ways for you to correct it.

1. No Profile Photo. It’s fine for a woman to be a bit mysterious, but women do not view your missing photo as a challenge. They will think you are hiding something or are hideous looking. Upload your photo if you want to increase  your response rate.

2. Suggesting a Late Night Date. I know of a gentleman who left a voicemail for a woman he had written to three weeks earlier. The message said that he’d be in her neighborhood “tonight” and would like to meet at “9:00 pm.” Regardless of what he was doing earlier in the evening, she pushed delete and conveniently lost his number. If you are interested in meeting someone, a first date shouldn’t start at 9:00pm. A woman will likely surmise that someone else was for dinner, and she would be dessert. Suggest a mutually convenient time or she will assume you are her booty call.

3. Repeat Offender. You found the perfect profile among the millions of single women online.  You write to her. She doesn’t respond within 24 hours. You write again the next day and ask her why she didn’t write back. Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for. Some singles are just busy with work or other activities and don’t log on daily. A woman will consider you needy and put you on the bottom of her list. If you really think she is worth pursuing, wait a week or two and write again.

4. You Wrote a Novel. Statistically, shorter profiles get read more often. If you compile a lengthy tale of your entire life story and your dream date, it’s a turn-off to most women. Novels are made for publishing houses. A profile should be a snapshot to pique her curiosity.

5. The Ex-Factor. If you graduate to a phone call from someone you met online, don’t ask questions about her previous relationships or complain about your difficult divorce. Keep your first conversation light and get a date on the calendar.

For more information on how to create an IRRESISTIBLE online dating profile, contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com

Julie Spira is a dating coach and the author of the online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with ChristianCafe.com

Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday, November 14, 2009 as she welcomes Sam Moorcroft, CEO of the online dating site ChristianCafe.com to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

ChristianCafe.com is a leader in connecting Christian singles online. Their service has been successfully matching singles of Christian faith since 1999. They offer a comfortable relaxing online Cafe where Christian singles connect with one other for companionship, a date, or a soul mate.

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 11am/Pacific Time, 2pm/Eastern time for dating advice for men and women and learn more about dating, love, and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Alan Roger Currie on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where my guest, Alan Roger Currie, talked about his book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking.

Currie provided dating advice for men with his four modes of verbal communication from his book. Listen and find out which mode you may fall into and how to make changes to successfully end up in MODE ONE.

We also heard from Alan’s girlfriend, Tyler. The couple met in true social networking style on facebook where he took action on his own personal crush and became a facebook dating success story.

Find out what Alan Roger Currie thinks about online dating by listening to the radio show.