Can I Lie About My Age on my Online Dating Profile?
You hear the complaints too often from singles looking for love online, “No one tells the truth anymore.” I disagree. There are plenty of honest singles out there in the cyberdating world.
A newly single man came to me for dating advice before posting his new online dating profile. He’s tall, successful, and ready to date. But he’d really like to lie about his age to attract younger women.
Read my reply to Mitch.
Dear Julie,
I’m getting ready to sign up for an online dating site for the first time in 9 years. Although I’m now in my 50s instead of my 40s, can I lie about my age and say I’m 48? I look great for my age and want to fit into a search. Women lie all the time. If I tell someone on the first or second date, is that fine? Please let me know what to do.
Mitch
Dear Mitch,
Yes, singles lie all the time online about their age and offline as well, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. Big birthdays are emotional for both me and women. My suggestion is to always be honest and authentic about who you are representing. Would you like to meet a 35-year old woman only to find out that she’s 42? Probably not. While I can’t force singles to be honest about the big age issue, it’s better to start off with honesty in your relationship. It’s just too simple these days to find out through a Google search or Alumni website the true age of most singles who are online dating. If you’re worried that the women won’t find you, take the initiative and search for women you are attracted to. Just like men, women are now visual and profile photos have great value in selecting who they will write back to.
Best of luck with your search in looking for love online.
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Need some hand holding? Learn how working with a dating coach can help you create an Irresistible Online Dating profile.
Where’s Julie – The Love Panel in Beverly Hills
Lamont K. Roberts, Julie Ferman, Renee Piane, Dr. Cindy Brown, and Julie Spira on the Love Panel
It was hard to say no to Renee Piane, when she invited me to participate on her Love Panel at her Fall Matchmaking Singles Party in Beverly Hills. I had already made plans to go to the United Friends of the Children’s charity event, Cultivate L.A., which was held on the same evening in Brentwood, but when there’s love involved, I’m usually around. I decided to attend both events on Saturday, October 2nd.
The Love Panel, held at Aqua Nightclub in Beverly Hills also featured my friend and matchmaker Julie Ferman from Cupid’s Coach, Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cinderella System, and one man only, producer Lamont K. Roberts.
Filled with dating and relationship advice, singles wanted to know what to do when a man asks for your phone number, but doesn’t call. Rather than waiting by the phone for him, he usually isn’t interested or he’d be calling within the typical 3-day period. On the other hand, the men wanted to know what to do when the women didn’t return their calls. Simply put, sometimes we’re busy or out of town, so guys, give it a second try.
Other topics of discussion included how to date someone in transition, a subject that ‘s near and dear to my heart. Renee’s husband Joe took the microphone and told the story about how he had been married twice before and wasn’t 100% percent available when he met Renee. He added, he fell in love with her heart. They are truly very happily married, so don’t give up on the newly divorced single. Chances are, they’ll probably want to get married again.
All the women in the audience unanimously agreed that they like a man with a plan. A woman is more likely to accept a date when the man suggests attending a particular event, dinner at a restaurant, or says he has concert tickets for Sunday and would like you to join him.
My final suggestion to singles looking for love online was to cast a very wide net. Look at each person as the opportunity to meet a new friend, a business associate, and if you’re lucky, perhaps you’ll fall in love in the process.
The bottom line, everyone agreed that a man is willing to wait for sex with the right woman, so ladies, don’t give it up too easily, but flirt with him and let him know you may be interested in time. After the Love Panel, singles engaged in Renee’s Rapid Dating icebreaker where they had the opportunity to spend a few minutes getting to know each other in a speed-dating type style.
Thank you Renee for including me in this wonderful event and for the passion that you have in bringing singles together for love and networking.
Julie Spira is a dating expert and a worldwide authority on online dating. She is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
Peril of the Week – The Donny Downer
You may have heard the stories of the “Debbie Downer” on a date. She’s the girl that talks about all of her problems and turns guys away faster than the speed of lightning. This week, you’ll meet her counterpart, the “Donny Downer.” Our online dating story this week is about the tale of the gentleman who came completely unprepared for his date. He didn’t rehearse his conversation on the long drive to lunch.
When they sat down at the restaurant, he first complained about the calorie count of the entrees. She smiled and changed the subject. Then he complained about his bad back and asked her if she had any back problems. He went on to talk about his father’s dementia and his mother’s hospital stay. She didn’t believe in bringing her medical history to the table.
The conversation then switched to the financial and gambling problems his adult son had. She wondered why he thought she needed to know. In between the appetizer and entree, he managed to talk about his two ex-wives.
Finally, he asked her what she thought of Obama as the President of the United States and talked about how awful he was in doing his job as the leader of our country. She preferred not to talk about politics.
Here’s my dating advice for this situation. Please leave the baggage behind. Conversations about the ex, financial, and health problems shouldn’t be on the top of your list on a first date. Keep your first date positive, upbeat and light. He was a classic “Donny Downer.” Although he might have been a nice guy, he wasn’t about to get to a second date.
Do you have an online dating story to share? For consideration in the Peril of the Week, please send us your stories.
Click here for more Peril of the Week Stories>>>
The Wing Girls on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where Jet and Star – The Wing Girls gave their dating advice for men.
You’ll hear about the Top Ten Facebook Don’ts, Top Ten Online Dating Ad Mistakes, and how guys get can out of the friend zone.
Find out what the most impossible questions women ask men, and learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with The Wing Girls
Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday, May 22, 2010 as she welcomes The Wing Girls – Jet and Star, dating superheroes and comedians to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
The Wing Girls provide men with unique, funny, and much-needed dating advice on what to do and what not to do when trying to get the girl, and trying to keep the girl.
Call in with your questions at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/ET, 12noon/CT, 11am/PT or visit our live chat room at BlogTalkRadio.com/CyberDatingExpert. We’ll be providing online dating tips and you’ll learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World, with a few laughs along the way.
Dating Advice for Men – Chivalry is Alive and Well
It’s time to share a personal story today that I was truly touched by. Wearing sloppy workout clothes, without any makeup or lipstick (Sorry mom. I know you told me daily never to leave the house without my lipstick on), I stopped by the local grocery store to pick up some soup, bananas and avocados for the weekend.
As I was walking through the parking lot, struggling with a very heavy tote bag to my car, a handsome gentleman with a wonderful smile asked me if he could carry my bag. I was surprised by his offer and welcomed kind gesture. Sure I looked my worst, but that didn’t matter. I looked like a damsel-in-distress and he wanted to lend a hand.
He shared a story with me that made him want to pay it forward. He had just left the post office minutes earlier. On line standing in front of him, was a woman who only wanted to purchase one stamp. When it was her turn at the counter, she asked the postmaster for one U.S. stamp. Another man in line overheard her request and stepped in. He offered to buy a full booklet of stamps for the woman who only needed one. He didn’t ask for the balance of the stamps left in the booklet. He didn’t want the woman, whom he had never met, to have to stand in line again the next time she only needed one stamp. He purchased the booklet of twenty stamps and handed it to the woman. He became her knight in shining armour.
This chivalrous gesture, with nothing expected in return, made this man a hero– not just to this woman, but as a role model to the other men in line.
As I heard the story of the postage stamp while walking to my car, the handsome gentleman asked for nothing in return, but for me to listen to his story. It made me feel wonderful that chivalry was still alive and well.
I shared a disappointing story with him from the night before. I was waiting in line in a parking lot to pay for a ticket for my spot. Two men in line ahead of me helped each other with the payment machine when one was short of change. When it was my turn to pay, I found out the credit card machine was not working. I asked the two gentlemen, who were attending the same business conference that I was, if I could borrow one dollar and reimburse them when we got to the hotel lobby or write them a check. Rather than helping a business associate and a woman alone in a parking lot, they said no and left me stranded in the parking lot alone at night.
One of the two men had the nerve to call me attractive, but wouldn’t lend me a hand or one dollar. It made me lose hope in that moment that chivalry was dead.
So guys, think about this and read these two stories again if you need to. Do you want to be one of the two men in the beginning of the story? Would a simple gesture like offering to purchase postage stamps for a woman in need or carry a grocery bag for a woman to her car in broad daylight be something that you would want to be remembered for? Do you want to be that guy? Or, do you want to go down in history like the latter two men and leave a woman, a business colleague alone in a parking lot struggling to find change for a broken parking meter?
Think about it. Chivalry is alive and well. Kudos to the two strange men who wanted to lend a hand with no expectations in return. There are all kinds of relationships, but the one that starts with kindness, is the one to remember.
Do you have a relationship or dating story to share?
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Cosmopolitan
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Mark your calendar for Saturday, April 10, 2010 at 2pm/ET as we welcome Ky Henderson, an editor at Cosmopolitan magazine to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Ky answers questions about sex and relationships in his popular Ask Him Anything column. Now is your chance to speak directly to an editor at Cosmo and find out what makes a woman desirable to a man and what attracts a man to a particular type of online dating profile. You’ll hear more about Guys Uncensored: What’s Overrated vs. What’s Underrated and get the male point of view to be fully ready for your next cyberdate.
Call in at 646-929-0012 or join our live chat room during the broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/CyberDatingExpert where you can learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Dating Advice – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Cyber-Dating Expert
Dear Julie,
I’m a 42-year old male and have never been married. I’m Jewish and would like to meet a Jewish woman and have children. I’ve tried JDate and have met some nice women, but no one worth marrying. I’d like a woman who is honest, kind, pretty, who must be politically and sexually compatible with myself. Do you think I’m too picky?
~Single Guy in LA
Dear Single Guy,
There are more women than you can imagine who are looking for a marriage-minded man. Especially one who is interested in having children. Focus in on the profiles of women that specifically say they are looking for children. Join more than one dating site to widen your search. Be open to the possibilities of meeting someone who is divorced and may want to have another child.
As far as politically compatible, join the political groups and attend fundraisers where you will meet women you know you can easily have a conversation with. Unless you are hopping into bed right away, you won’t know if you are sexually compatible. Chances are if the first kiss is good, it’s a sign of good things to come. Hang in there and go on at least 3 dates with a woman who matches your requirements in 3 out of the 5 categories. No one gets it all, all the time.
Good luck with your search.
Julie Spira
Julie Spira is known worldwide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
The Valentine’s Day Cut Off Rule
It’s now 5 days before Valentine’s Day. The Super Bowl memories are starting to fade. Have you asked your date to be your Valentine yet? If not, are you aware that there is a “cut-off” rule for when to solidify who you will be spending February 14th with?
If you have watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, you might recall that Larry discussed the cut-off rule in an episode. They determined 9:30-10:00pm for the cut-off time to phone a friend. It became a heated discussion. The same theory applies to Valentine’s Day.
In my online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, one of my rules of netiquette was the cut-off rule. This rule applied to the most common misrepresentation in an online dating profile – the accuracy of your age . Although I believe in authenticity, I had decided that 5-10 years was the maximum amount of years that you could take off your age in your profile. I added that you need to be honest in the body of your email, on the phone, or certainly the latest by the first-date. I don’t promote lying on your profile, I just know that many singles want to fit into a search.
So, getting back to Valentine’s Day. When is it too late to ask the woman you are dating out for Sunday night? Here’s my relationship advice. I took a poll during the Super Bowl and most men felt they could wait until the last day, if there was chemistry with someone they had just met. I disagreed. I told them, one week maximum, and that once the Super Bowl was over, it was time to put the date in ink on the calendar and get whatever remaining reservations were available at such a late date.
Think about it. Most restaurants book up a month in advance of Valentine’s Day. There will be slim pickings. You can always bring food home and set the table with fine china and candles, but it won’t be the same. If you are waiting until the last minute, don’t be surprised to find your date has made other plans. A smart, confident woman doesn’t wait around for the phone to ring. She’d rather be alone than be an afterthought. If you have made Valentine’s plans and have a change of heart, don’t go down in history as the guy or girl who cancels on her Valentine’s date the week of because something better came along. It will come back to haunt you. If you are gearing up for this romantic day, logging into your online dating profile on a regular basis during the days leading to Valentine’s may get you in the “dog house.” It certainly won’t get you into the bedroom.
With or without a date, my advice is to try and enjoy Valentine’s Day and be open to the possibilities of love. It may arrive on time, or it may be late. If you are really interested in pursuing someone romantically, don’t forget Valentine’s Day. If so, be prepared that your calls won’t be returned.
Julie Spira is known world wide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants
Here’s one for the boys. With almost half of the Cyber-Dating Expert readers being male, it was time to feature a book in the Reading Room with dating advice for men.
I’m please to introduce you to Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man
It’s a short book–more of a conversation between a young married man and his very wise grandfather. He clearly points out that every man wants to be the hero to his wife. His book will give you specific examples on how to achieve this. There is no confusing the matter. Most women want a strong man that they can look up to. Elliott points out shifts in behavior to get a more favorable response from the women in your life. Read this book and learn how to become more successful with the women in your life.
Click here to purchase your copy
Click here to see more books in the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room
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