Dear Julie,

I am stuck. I am 51-year old female who’s only had about 3 dates since my divorce 5 years ago.I am reasonably attractive, personable smart, intelligent and a good listener–but am very shy about putting myself out there again.

However, I lack confidence in my ability to attract a man.
I recently relocated back to my hometown after being gone for 20 years–and well, everyone is married.

I was one of the many displaced in the recession and have been searching for work–with limited success–for a while now and keep thinking I need to get that part of my life settled before I date. Is that true?

Where does the over-50 crowd go to find dates with someone young at heart? I don’t drink so don’t spend much time in bars.

Signed Lonely in MKE

Dear Lonely in MKE,

I know how frustrating this is to have to start life over and start dating after a divorce. You’re back in your old city, but with a whole new group of rules. It’s hard when your friends are all married and think in even numbers.

First, the good news, is there are more avenues to meet quality single men when your friends aren’t fixing you up anymore. Just this week a research study was released showing that online dating is now the second most popular way to meet singles, after personal introductions from friends and friends-of-friends.

Second, since you’re the new kid back in town, and you should be asking everyone to fix you up. Don’t get frustrated when you hear they don’t know anyone. Keep asking.  My mother always told me that good men become available, either when their wives or girlfriends don’t appreciate them, or if they lose a spouse to death. These guys don’t stay available for too long. There’s always a window for them and they do want to reconnect and not be alone.

Third, yes, you need to find a job now, but think about casting a wide net while you’re looking for your dream job. While you’re meeting people and talking to potential companies, you might be making a new friend, meeting interesting co-workers, or even find someone to introduce you to a friend of theirs.  You need to expand your social and business network outside of just your married friends, and there’s no better way to do than than online.

I speak with men all the time over 50. Boomer dating is growing in popularity.  They are just as frustrated as you are. A recent Match study on Singles in America, showed that men have a strong desire for a serious and intimate relationship as they get older.  With Valentine’s around the corner, singles really are looking to connect, and for meaningful relationships. So, grab your computer, log onto an online dating site and create your profile. You’ll be listed as “new” and will get more men looking at your profile. Don’t be afraid to initiate contact. Look at who has viewed your profile and reach out and say hello.

Wishing you much love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie

Do you have a dating question?  Newly single? Send us your online dating questions and find out about our dating coaching programs and Irresistible Online Dating Profiles.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.  For more dating advice, Sign up for our Weekly Flirt, Like us on Facebook and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

We sure love these Infographics, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and online dating.

The Truth About Online Dating created a fun one for Valentine’s Day with statistics about Online Dating: Men vs. Women, by grabbing statistics from OkCupid and Wikipedia

Are you surprised at these results? Men lie three times as much as women about their relationship status, age, and real last names on a first date.

In addition, 50% of men didn’t smile on their online dating profiles? What’s up guys? Women want to see a happy man just as much as you’d like to see a confident smiling woman.

Full post @The Truth About Online Dating

As we’re counting down to Super Bowl Sunday in Indianapolis, whether you’re rooting for the New York Giants or the New England Patriots, one thing is for sure. It’s going to be an emotional and exciting 9 days for both men and women alike. Do men hate Valentine’s? Do women love the Super Bowl halftime show?

I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men. In my article on eHarmony Advice, I give the comparison on these two events in early February. I hope you enjoy the article and learn why the opposite sex feels the way they do. It’s a double-header this month, so enjoy the ride.

Meanwhile, our friends at Zoosk just released their second annual Super Bowl survey of 1000 single women to find out they really do enjoy watching the game. So instead of a guys-only day, bring your date as their poll showed that 66% of females think that watching the game is the best part, as compared to 20% who only watched the commercials. Meanwhile only 14% of women tune in for the halftime show.

So go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, our special 15 Magic Minutes is going on through Valentine’s Day.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Our friends at Match.com released their second annual Singles in America Study, showing that more men are in favor of committed relationships and public displays of affection than their female counterparts. This is good news as it breaks the stereotype and fear from women who are afraid to bring up the subject of commitment and monogamy while dating.

But how far do both single men and women want to go? The study encompassed over 5000 singles with the help of Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry.com’s chief scientific officer and biological anthropologist, and took a deep look into politics, weight, height, and which political party is having more fun in the bedroom. (Hint: It starts with the letter R)

The majority of the singles in the study said they wanted to be in a committed relationship, and believed that infidelity was a deal-breaker. Yes, even the guys are ready to go steady. However marriage wasn’t a priority. USA Today reports that two-thirds of the singles polled either don’t want to get married, or are unsure about it.

At the end of the digital day, changing your status to “In a Relationship” on Facebook is getting closer-and-closer to how we used to define marriage.

Are you looking for a relationship leading to marriage or would you prefer being in a committed relationship or just living together?

Your thoughts and comments are welcome.

Interested in finding love online? Sign up for Match.com for 20% off your membership or Chemistry.com, where they are offering 14 days free.

Need some help with your online dating profile? Check out our irresistible profiles packages and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for special offers.

Cyber-Dating Expert

This scene may sound familiar. You meet a guy and have an instant connection. You start flirting back and forth and the next thing you know, you’re wondering, Are we in a relationship? Are the feelings mutual?

When Deb wrote to me with this familiar scenario after sending multiple flirty text messages to each the new man she had a crush on, she was concerned that things were moving too quickly. Was she becoming too attached?

Deb now wonders if her new guy is a player as he was also flirting with other women. She became anxious about the situation. Now her dream guy is sending her emails and text messages saying that he loves her. Even more confused, she called him out on his flirtatious behavior, of which he replied, “I get it.” Should she move forward with this guy? What should she do?

Well Deb, some people are born flirts. Instant chemistry is rare and when we find it, we automatically fast-forward our feelings and start thinking about our relationship, our future, marriage, children, the works. But slow down Deb. Why is this guy who’s texting you with love notes flirting with others in the same sentence as he uses the “L” word so freely. Just how many other women does he say that to? Is he waiting to hear it back to feed his ego or is he sincere?

A man who is committed to being in a relationship with you isn’t going to screw it up by making you jealous and putting himself in the position of being discarded, with his phone number permanently deleted on your iPhone and in your heart.

What should you do? Play the field. Yes. There’s no ring on your finger, and hopefully you haven’t been intimate yet. Don’t confuse love with lust. While your emotions and hormones are running at high speed, you don’t know his intentions other than he’s that instant chemistry guy, which can be dangerous. I know this first hand, as I wrote about it in my book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, when I too, had that instant chemistry with a guy I met. It turned out that he was a major player, and just like the Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, I’ll hum the line, “Players on love you when they’re playing.” It’s a game that can leave you feeling empty and alone.

My advice is simply, to take it slow. Date other men. Don’t sleep with this chemistry guy. Have fun flirting here and there, but don’t assume you’re in a relationship. Some relationships that start off hot-and-heavy, end just as quickly.

Hopefully your guy is different. Perhaps he’s just nervous. Texting can’t replace quality time in person. Take a look at my latest YourTango Experts video, where I address the texting issue in a relationship. Time will tell if your guy is for real and time is a precious gift.

Keep me posted.

Wishing you much love and happiness.

Julie

Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Send your dating and relationship questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and sign up for our Weekly Flirt.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.  

You’ve met that someone special and have great online chemistry. Watch our video to learn the right time to take your relationship from online to offline.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and online dating expert. Click here for more video dating advice and connect with us on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

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Do you believe that LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than most online dating profiles? If so, you’re not alone. On Friday the 13th, Hitch.me was officially launched using LinkedIn profiles as the basis for their site’s algorithms.

I had the opportunity to interview Hitch.me founder Navid Nadir, who is happily married with two children.  Nadir has a degree in computer engineering from Queens University in Kingston, Canada and although he isn’t interested in finding love online, both he and his wife have single friends who were frustrated with the process.

Nadir believes that over 50% of online dating profiles are fabricated. Nadir said,  “If you want to date someone, why lie?” That’s a question that many single daters struggle with as they hope there’s truth-in-advertising when viewing online dating profiles.

Nadir added, “It’s not just another niche site. It’s a niche site that is in demand. This is something we have been waiting for a long time. You can actually search for a profile based upon a skill-set, find someone based on specific industries, and search within groups that you are a member of on LinkedIn.”

The site is simple to use and there are no monthly fees.

Hitch.me members purchase credits in a pay-as-you-go format. Their 3 levels are:

• Beginner: $10 for 500 credits
• So Much for So Less: $25 for 2000 credits
• Guaranteed Satisfaction: $50 for 4000 credits

So how does the credit system work?

For 20 credits, you get just a “smile.” It’s their way of flirting.

For 50 credits, you get a “pitch,” the opportunity to send a 200 word email to the object-of-your-affection.

For 100 credits, Private Presentation: 100 credits. Can add youtube videos and images, 500 words and can add 3 images and one youtube video.

Does the site mix business with pleasure? Only if you want it to. You can select from finding a casual date, soulmate, friend, or a business partner.

For a limited time period, they are offering 200 free credits as they build their membership base. Click here to get started on Hitch.me

Do you believe LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than online dating profiles? Your comments are always welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter. 

Fashion magazine is celebrating with a very special February issue devoted to love. With Valentine’s Day just a few weeks away, I was asked to contribute to their article, Love Among the Laptops.

In this in-depth article, we looked at Facebook, Twitter, BlackBerry Messenger, Google searches, and the high-digital pressure act of friending and unfriending someone you’re dating.

Read how to deal with the new challenges posed by dating in the online age. An excerpt from the article is below.

With appreciation, many thanks to Siofan Davies for quoting me in the story, along with Sherrie Schneider, co-author of the famous relationship book, The Rules and follow-up, The Rules for Online Dating.

Julie Spira, the L.A.-based author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online says the urge to research a prospective date is natural. “Do a Google search, make sure they work where they say they work and that there’ nothing bad about them,” she begins.  This is sensible advice my mother would appreciate. “We also want to make sure their Facebook photos match their online dating photos, and find out if we have any friends in common. The next thing would be, well, let’s friend each other.” Her reasoning. Well no, don’t friend each other. ” Her reasoning: Just as you will be mining his profile for useful or petty information, he will undoubtedly be mining yours. “You still want someone to get to know you,” says Spira. “If everything they get to know about you is because they saw it on Facebook, what’s left to talk about?”

For the full article, pick up a copy of Fashion magazine, Canada’s number 1 beauty and fashion magazine, where you’ll find the story on pages 81-86. If you aren’t in Canada, I’ve attached the .pdf of the article here:  Fashion Magazine – Love Among the Laptops. As always, comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Click here and let the flirting begin>>>

In this issue:

*  Sealing the Deal Book launch with over 30 bonuses

*  New Year’s Resolutions You’re Likely to Keep

*  20% off Irresistible Profiles

*  Video: Finding Love in Cyberspace

We all start out the New Year with good intentions and new resolutions. If you’re single, you may create a personal list after a disappointing New Year’s Eve alone.  You tell yourself it will be different next year and add finding love to the list along with a better diet and more exercise.

As good as your intentions are, like many resolutions, after a few weeks you lose momentum.  You end up spending more time checking your friends’ facebook activity then focusing on logging on to Match, eHarmony, or OkCupid.  Finding love online ends up moving down on your list of daily activities.

When you decide it’s time to make finding love a priority, you should make a commitment to sign up for an online dating site or two.

Why should finding love online stay on the top of your list? Forget the holiday pressures and red candy hearts. The period from New Year’s through Valentine’s Day is when singles will either join an online dating site for the first time, or renew their memberships. Most sites have an increase in membership by an average of 10% or more from now through Valentine’s Day. It’s peak season in the dating world. You need to play to win, or in this case, log on to find love.

Just like refreshing your Facebook profile with new photos and new updates, you need to keep your online dating profile robust and intriguing, instead of your former stagnant profile.

Here are three simple-to-follow and keep New Year’s resolutions for singles looking for love in cyberspace.

1. Refresh your profile. If you are satisfied with the online dating profile you currently have, change the order of your sentences and add something new and exciting that you’re looking forward to doing in the near future. Perhaps it’s an upcoming vacation or seeing one of your favorite bands in concert. As a result, your profile will become refreshed and chances are you will show up higher in a search. Remember to add new photos. If they’re good enough for Facebook, go ahead and add it to your Internet dating profile.

2. Reach out and reconnect. Did you get too busy during the year and miss out on meeting someone you started to communicate with online? Take a look in your Inbox and see if he or she still has an active online dating profile. Reach out and send an email with a simple, “Happy New Year” as a digital ice-breaker If their profile is still online, assume they haven’t met “the one” yet. It may be a time for a new beginning for both of you.

3. Narrow down your search. Do your friends complain that you are too picky? Have they stopped fixing you up? There’s nothing wrong with knowing exactly what you want in a relationship. Remember, no one really gets it all. We compromise on certain things and decide what our deal-breakers are. Make a list of what is most important to you. Number it from 1-10. Now, focus on the first 3 items on your list. Is it religion or hiking? Strolling through museums? Put those key words in your search. You might be delighted to see who appears on your screen.

If you need some extra handholding, I will work with you privately to create an irresistible online dating profile, complete with a catchy screen name so you can stand out in the crowded digital playing field. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com/irresistible-profiles

Let’s make this year the one you really find the love you are looking for so you can become the next Cyber Love Story of the Week couple.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more online dating tips and advice follow Julie on Twitter @Julie Spira and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.