Weekly Flirt – Online Dating Advice

Just in time for the spring holiday weekend, grab your jelly beans and bikinis and enjoy this issue of the Cyber Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter.

3 First-Date Mistakes You Should Never Make

Our friends at We Love Dates released an Infographic that would make any online dater pause and take a look. We’re happy to include a special guest post from them with dating and relationship tips to help prevent you from making some first date mistakes when you finally meet someone you truly do like.

Have you ever come home after a first date that you thought went well, only to never hear from him or her again?  It’s pretty safe to say that you have. There will always be much left to the unknown when it comes to first dates (that’s partly what makes them so exciting) here are a few first date mistakes that you might not even know you’ve made…until your phone stops ringing.

1.  Don’t Assume There Is Going To Be a Second Date

First dates are your one chance to make a lasting first impression. Don’t count on future opportunities. Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind and own it.  In addition, don’t make plans for the future, especially if the feelings aren’t mutual. Avoid conversations such as, “We should do that, let’s go there, we should plan it…” Let second dates evolve naturally.

2.  Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

Remind yourself that this person is, quite literally, a virtual stranger.  There is no need to share your every thought and feeling with them, or spill the messy details of your last break-up. Forget bringing up the latest drama of your girlfriends. He really doesn’t want to know. Remember to keep it light and easy when you first meet.

3.  Don’t Drag It On

If you see there’s no chemistry in the first 15-minutes of your date, why drag it on for another hour-or-two? Keep the date brief as a meet-and-greet. Thank your date for taking the time to meet and move on.

Have you ever made any first date mistakes that you regret? We’d like to hear your stories.

This dating advice post was contributed by We Love Dates. View their infographic here: first date survival guide infographic.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Cyber Love Links – Gaming and Dating in a Web 2.0 World

Love never goes out of style and there was no shortage of love links this week on our Twitter stream.

The week started out with the huge news that the California Attorney General Kamala D. Harris announced her joint release for online dating safety. Dating sites eHarmony, Match, and Spark Networks, owner of JDate and Christian Mingle joined together to make singles feel safer while looking for love online. This story was covered everywhere in the world, including USA Today, Time, and Mashable.

As a cyber-relations and online dating expert, I helped spread the good news on Huffington Post in How to Use Google and Facebook for Online Dating Safety. On GenConnect, you can view videos from both myself and Attorney General Kamala D. Harris in Online Dating to Become Safer for Singles. On Sunday at 5pm/pt, I’ll be a guest with Phil Shuman on FOX News to talk about this subject as well. For more safety tips, check out the SAFETY link on our home page. We take online dating safety seriously. We also want to help you fall in love online.

On a lighter note, MBA Programs posted an Infographic called “Gamers Get Girls.” We loved it so much that we added it to our pinboard on Pinterest. You’ll see an interesting comparison of how online dating stacks up to online gaming. Our friends at Ask Men taught the guys that telling your date too much just isn’t a good idea. Check out Killing Challenge: Why you shouldn’t reveal too much too soon.  In honor of the return of Mad Men, How About We shared a great post, Are You a Don Draper or a Trudy Campbell: Find Your Mad Men Dating Style. One of our latest success couples sent me a text message from the airport on their way to Paris! Yes, her irresistible profile on Match helped her find her dream guy. In honor of their new love, I’m sharing an article I enjoyed on GalTime, 6 Most Romantic Places in Paris. Speaking of GalTime, many thanks to Marianne Beach for featuring our dating advice in A Dozen Tips for Dating in a Facebook World, which also appeared on Yahoo! Shine.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice

Dating Advice: To Friend, or Not to Friend Your Date

It was an honor to be called on by my friends at GalTime to chime in on the dos and don’ts for “Dating in a Facebook World.”

One of the questions I hear most often from singles is, “Should I send a Facebook friends request before our first date?” Sure, I know you’re excited about meeting him, but stop daydreaming about changing your relationship status.  You might have taken a digital peek to see how many friends you have in common on Facebook, but once someone accepts or rejects your request, it goes on the same place on the totem pole as having the “talk” to be friends, or “more than friends” with someone. It just becomes uncomfortable and it’s hard to get back on the same digital page.

Suddenly your new beau might be worried that you’ll be spying on his wall. Or even worse, he may project that you’ll turn into a cyber stalker and question him about his female cousin’s arm around him from 6 months ago. The thought of his first date with you suddenly becomes uncomfortable, and he may just cancel with an excuse that it’s his turn to watch the kids, or there’s a work project he has to tend to.

If this sounds familiar, I urge you to take a big digital breath and log off of your Facebook account until your first or even second date is over. Facebook dating can be complicated. Balancing the traditional courtship with information-at-your-fingertips can be tricky. My advice to you, keep the information from that Google search results to yourself and just be the authentic you. You’ll have plenty of time to post things on your Timeline if the relationship goes in the right direction.

Here’s an excerpt on what I shared on GalTime:

No “Friending” on the First Date

It may be terribly tempting to friend request the guy you met at the bar last night—especially if his Facebook page is locked up tight. After all, how else can you spy on those old photos of him and his ex that he hasn’t gotten around to taking down yet?

But Spira says: think before you friend. Chances are, you’re not on the same digital page yet. And a virtual friendship could ruin your chances of a real life relationship. “It’s just too soon and you aren’t in a relationship, nor are you even really dating just yet,” she says. “One of you may be dating several people at a time, while the other may be single-focused. If you become Facebook friends prematurely, your relationship may end quickly as well.”

Or it may never get off the ground at all.

“I’ve known women who have cancelled dates after receiving a Facebook friends request,” she says.

Kiss and Don’t Tell

Want to know every last nauseating detail of your second cousin’s first date? How about your boss’s cutesy pet name for his third wife? Not so much, right? Well, most likely your friends aren’t interested in the nitty gritty of your love life either! So keep it offline.

“Saying I love you on Valentine’s Day is appropriate on your sweetheart’s wall if you’re friends on Facebook,” says Spira. “Saying I love you every day and talking about details of your first kiss on Facebook breaks the rules of netiquette. Your friends and you beau don’t always want you to “Kiss and Tell.’”

That goes for your relationship status as well.

“While your Facebook friends will be happy for your new found love, they really don’t want to watch your status change from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘It’s Complicated’ and back to ‘Single’ again,” says Spira.

What Happens on Facebook…

The date was fun, you had a few drinks, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But before you post that funny status update or compromising photo—think twice. Remember what goes online stays there… forever.

“You can’t take it back,” Spira says. “Often these updates are indexed by the search engine. Even if you remove a photo or update from your Timeline on Facebook, it may have already been shared by friends and friends-of-friends.”

Click  here for the full article on GalTime with my 12 Dos and Don’ts of Dating in a Facebook World.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, join our Weekly Flirt newsletter and visit us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

5 Ways to Make Your Dating Profile More Irresistible

If your inbox is rather empty and your online dating profile is ho-hum, it’s time for a digital facelift to ramp up your search.

When you watch the TV commercials for eHarmony, Match.com, or Zoosk and see several success couples, do you wonder why it’s not working for you?

Before you hang up your digital hat, know that it doesn’t take an army to help you create an irresistible online dating profile, but just like a good newspaper or magazine article, you do need to stand out in the crowded marketplace.

Here are five tips that you can try on your own. If you need a little hand-holding, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com and we’ll get you started in no time.

Tips for Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile

1.  It’s all About the Photos. If hiring a professional photographer is in your budget, it’s an excellent idea. Perhaps you don’t need to buy that extra dress on sale. If not, grab a friend with a digital camera and snap about 100 photos in 5 different outfits. You can always fall back on browsing the photos you’ve uploaded on Facebook to add to your profile. Men are visual. If you look like you’re photo, he’ll be pleasantly surprised and will let you know. Most men are disappointed when you post photos from your Senior Prom, or that are a decade old. Post 3-5 photos, and remember to make one of them a full-length shot. Hint: He might be checking Facebook to see if your online dating photos resemble those you’ve posted on Facebook.

2. Create a Catchy Screen Name.  Stumped as to what’s catchy? You’d be surprised how many people take the random name assigned by the computer. Suzie12389 isn’t as catchy as BalletDancerinNY. If you’re still scratching your head and your favorite name is taken, remember the lyrics to a song that you were singing to in the car. How Music Can Enhance Your Online Dating Profile

3. Be Specific. While browsing through profiles, you might notice that so many just seem to look alike. Who wants to date a plain vanilla when they can have sugar and spice or cookies and cream? Don’t say you like music. Say you like classic rock music and are a Bruce Springsteen fanatic as you grew up in New Jersey. Who knows? You might get invited to a concert. Don’t say you like to travel, but say you loved skiing in Lake Tahoe one winter at a specific ski resort. Get the picture?

4. Leave the Novel at Home. There’s no need to reveal all. Sometimes, less is more. Profiles with over 200 words will be looked over after the first few sentences. It’s best to leave some mystery for your phone conversations and when you meet in real life.

5. Leave the Baggage Behind. Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, ex-spouse, or ex-boss for that matter, no one wants to hear your dirty laundry. Avoid being the “Debbie Downer” of online dating and write about things you love. Everyone has had a bad date or two, but it’s not worth broadcasting. Ask yourself what you’re the most passionate about and let your potential date know what brings you joy.

At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. With over 120 million people worldwide logging on looking for love, there’s no better way to fill your date card until you find “the one.”

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating and relationship advice, follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Winks, emails, and IMs — oh my! Online Dating Etiquette

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Yes ladies. Men do take online dating seriously.

After creating an irresistible profile for a newly widowed male client on Match.com,  he decided it was time to put all ten toes and suddenly realized he needed a lesson in online dating etiquette.

He’s a terrific catch, signed up for the Totally in Love plan, and actually wants to meet an age-appropriate woman and wonders, what is the proper online dating etiquette? Within 24 hours he was bombarded with emails, winks, and IMs. He already has a date on the calendar with a highly educated woman who lives close to him. He’s on the right digital path.

I told him to get ready for the ride and showed him how to get organized.  I knew he’d get a lot of initial emails and views to his profile. He wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming response from women interested in meeting him. Rather than feeling overwhelmed, he decided to embrace the process. He wanted to know how to put his best foot forward to be successful. His questions were ones that many singles are confused about when they first join an Internet dating site. All are worth sharing.

1. I haven’t responded yet to the 3 or 4 women who’ve “winked” at me.  What’s the proper etiquette?

When a woman winks at a man, she’s signally to him that she’s open to communicating. Generally, it’s her way of saying, “check out my profile and if you’re interested, please email me.” What she won’t probably want is to be winked back in return, so if you like what you see, read her profile and find something unique and interesting to write about and put that in the subject line. This way you’ll have a greater chance of receiving an email in return from her.

2. Same thing with the women who’ve e-mailed me.  What’s considered good, what’s simply appropriate, and what’s rude?

If you’re interested in someone who has emailed you, read her profile and write back in a timely manner. Remember, you’re not the only guy she’s communicating with and a prompt response will not only be appreciated, but will put your name on her date card.  If you’re not interested, you can either ignore the email, or thank her for writing to you. If her profile isn’t inline with what you’re looking for, you can politely point that out and wish her the best. The only way you’d be rude is if you insulted her, which I’m sure you wouldn’t want to do.

3. A couple of women have IM’d me while I was online.  Personally I find that really intrusive, even obnoxious.  For that reason, I’m highly reluctant to IM anyone else.  But I don’t know how the game is played.  Again, what’s the proper thing to do?  Can I just turn off my IM capability?

Instant messaging isn’t for everyone. While it can be fun, flirty, and instantaneous, some might find it annoying. To remove the IM feature, log onto your account, click on Account in the upper right hand side of the profile and in the dropdown menu click on settings, and then click on Instant messenger. This is where you can both turn off your instant messaging and IM alerts.

4. What’s a polite but clear way to express disinterest (for example, if I decide I’ve got no interest in meeting someone who contacts me first)?
There’s no perfect answer to this question. While you might want to appear like the nice guy and let them know that you don’t think you’re a match, they might be offended and insulted. If you ignore them, then they’ll wonder why they’re being rejected. You can take your time before you quickly push the reply button to the email and do what you feel is right for you, but remain polite. After all, she might have a friend to introduce you to if you’re a genuine guy, so don’t close the door completely.

Do you have questions about online dating? Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice,  like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and subscribe to our Weekly Flirt.

Cyber Love Links – Links to Love When You’re in the Mood for Love

Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love.

March certainly roared in like a lion. Happy Friday. It’s time to take a digital peek at some of the best dating and relationship content that crossed our desktops as we love to share the love.

First of all, I have to say how sad so many of us were this week to hear about the loss of our favorite heartthrob Monkee, Davy Jones. I’ve been humming to Daydream Believer since I saw the news on Facebook,  and thought I’d share the video below as a tribute. I have to admit, I’ve been playing the CD: Best of the Monkees since I heard the news.

My friend Rita Watson wrote about 6 Breaking-Up Styles: Hers and His on Psychology Today, which many of us can relate to. Over at Your Tango, they shared The Frisky’s story 5 ways Relationships Get Drawn Out Past Their Expiration Date, which gives you something to ponder.

On the Cyber Dating Expert Facebook page, we had to share Ivy Date’s post, Why We Kiss: The Science.  My new friend, dating and relationship expert Jen Kirsch contributed to Yahoo! Shine with, Can a Blood Test Detect True Love? I’m wondering just how many men will be lining up to confirm their intentions.

Many thanks to Jen for including my thoughts on digital marriage proposals on Yahoo! Sine in Man Proposes to Girlfriend in Infographic and to the fine folks at Sparkology for including me as one of their dating experts in Should I Facebook Friend Someone Before the First Date.

If you get a moment, we’d love to have your VOTE as Cyber-Dating Expert is a finalist for Best Dating Blog! To keep up with us, join our Weekly Flirt.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Have a great weekend and never stop dreaming. RIP Davy Jones.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert.com. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Dating Advice – Is it OK To Want a Friendship Without the Benefits?

Cyber-Dating Expert

What happens when your ideal guy and you aren’t ready for a commitment? A confused reader asks for dating and relationship advice with her new male friend.

Dear Julie.

I need your help and have a dilemma. I recently became friends with a guy and we spend a lot of time together. He texts me every day and due to our busy schedules, makes a point of hanging out with me every weekend. He waits from me after work and is an all-around gentleman.

After a month of spending time with him, I started developing feelings for him and I told him so. I told him that I really care for for him and like him, but that I couldn’t be in a committed relationship since I’m trying to focus on graduating college and establishing a life after school.

When I asked him how he felt about me, he responded that he sees us as friends. It  was a mature conversation and I told him I could accept that.

Can you explain what is going on in this crazy man’s head, or maybe I’m crazy?

~Only Friends

Dear Only Friends,

You have described the ideal man. The type of man every woman dreams of – one who is consistent in his actions, spends every weekend with you, is a complete gentleman, and made you a priority on Valentine’s Day.

Your guy hasn’t tossed you in bed and discarded you for another. In short, he’s a keeper and is hanging in there based upon your rules. You’ve told Mr. Perfect that you can’t have a committed relationship with him, and he hasn’t disappeared. The one thing you aren’t doing is being consistent with your feelings for him. Think about it. You tell him you have feelings for him and in the same breath, tell him you can’t be in a committed relationship? Some of the best relationships start off as friends, so you have the foundation for a good relationship moving forward.

Be happy for the friendship. He’s just respecting the confusing boundaries you’ve set in the relationship. Give him the opportunity to take the lead and see where it goes.

Keep us posted.

All my best,

Julie Spira

Do you have a dating question or dilemma? If so, we’d love to hear from you. Do you love our site?  We’ve been named a finalist for  Best Dating Blog in the Readers’ Choice Awards and would love your vote to win!

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Cyber Love Links

Cyber Love Links – Links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.

Now that Valentine’s is a distant memory, we’re taking a digital moment to thank some of those who included us in their dating advice stories for what we called, worldwide romance week.

A huge Shout out and thank you to the Miami Herald who featured my online dating tips in “Dating sites become mainstream and focus on more niche markets.” The article features Matchmaker.com and Jewcier founder Meir Strahlberg, a Miami entrepreneur and friend of Cyber-Dating Expert. Thanks to our new friends at Prevention magazine for “Should you Ditch Online Dating?” and to Rita Watson on Psychology Today for featuring me in her Love and Gratitude column. It was a thrill to be quoted on NBC News: Safely Surfing for Your Sweetheart and to appear on FOX News in three separate television segments.

For the singles dating in college, check out College Magazine’s “Wine and Dine Me: Tips on Being Romantic,” Daily Kansan: “Tips on Virtual Love,” and Campus Explorer for “Rise in Online Dating for Students.”

For your viewing pleasure, our friends at YourTango posted their Ask the Experts Video, “What is Mobile Dating?” Yes, it’s the hottest trend so it’s time to hop on board.

Over at GenConnect, I contributed a guest post, “Still Need a Date for Valentine’s? and gave my two cents worth on Huffington Post in “Experts and Researchers Say Online Dating Has Lost its Stigma,” which has been tweeted 83 times and still counting. Hint, hint. We love the social media love.

Ever wonder who signs on to Missed Connections on Craig’s List? So did The Brooklyn Paper and Digital Trends. Find out how a professor took a deeper look and created a site to help those in search of the one who got away.

As always, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Like Cyber Dating Expert on Facebook.

Why You Should Love Mobile Dating [video]

It’s official. Logging onto your favorite online dating site from your mobile device now ranks ahead of visiting the traditional web version.

Gone are the days where you had to go home to check your email from your desktop after a long day of work. So grab your iPhone, iPad Android and smartphone and start dating and flirting in-real-time.

Enjoy our mobile dating video and when you get a moment, check out our Top 10 Mobile Dating Apps list.  Feel free to add some of your favorites in the comments.

Question: Are you meeting more singles because of location-based mobile dating apps?

Julie Spira is an online and mobile dating expert. She created her first online dating profile in 1994 and today helps singles on the dating scene by creating their irresistible profiles. For more dating advice, follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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