In the continuing coverage of Manti Te’o and other daters who’ve been duped by online dating romance hoaxes, Katie Couric featured an entire episode of online dating safety with tips on what you need to know, while looking for love online.
On the Katie Show, we learned that online dating sites get more than 500 million clicks per month. Katie added that and 81% of people lie on their profiles.
To add a little entertainment to the serious topic of Internet dating safety, Katie polled her studio audience with three relevant dating deal-breaker questions that most female online daters could relate to.
Dating Deal-Breaker 1
Katie: “He’s talk dark and handsome. In real life he’s short and stout. Is that a deal breaker or not?”
Audience: 69% said Yes. 31% said No.
Dating Deal-Breaker 2
Katie: “His profile says his picture was from last week. Reality: It was from 1972. Is that a deal breaker or not?”
Audience: 71% said Yes. 29% said No.
Dating Deal-Breaker 3
Katie: “His profile says, ‘Filthy Rich.” Reality, he’s Dead Broke.”
Audience: 58% said Yes. 32% said No.
For more online dating safety tips from the Katie show, visit KatieCouric.com.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and join the conversation at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
I’m a believer in authenticity when it comes to dating. That means I believe you should tell your correct age, post recent photos, and be recognizable when you meet your date in person.
I also believe you should ration your information flow early on, so I find it disheartening to see dates with promise quickly end with no chance of a second date ever being put on the calendar.
Where am I going with this? Quite simply, you need to be prepared for your date. Before you leave the house, think about what you should and what you shouldn’t talk about. Think about what you’d tell a perspective boss to land your dream job, and what personal information shouldn’t make it to the interview. So without further digital ado, here are some dating tips and conversation topics to tell, and those that should quietly go to sleep with you at night alone.
1st Date Conversation Deal-Breakers Include:
- The ex-factor – Too much talk about your relationship history.
- The crazy ex-factor – Yes, every ex-wife or husband and ex-girlfriend or boyfriend were crazy. Can you elaborate? Please don’t.
- Your divorce – Leave that to the attorneys. Your date isn’t your legal counsel.
- Your therapist – We won’t give you sympathy on a first date, so leave your emotional problems for your next shrink session.
- How proud you are of your children. Don’t hide them from us. If you’re a great parent, we’d like to know.
- Where you grew up and who inspired you.
- Favorite vacation spots and cuisine.
- Favorite musical acts or concerts you’ve seen or books you’ve read.
For starters upon meeting, the gentleman proceeded to tell the lady she didn’t look like her photos at all. While that’s a common problem and one of the biggest fears a man has when he’s making a dinner reservation for a blind date, it quite simply wasn’t the case. Her photos posted to her online dating profile were recent and every other man she dated in the past few months had remarked about how much she looked exactly like her photos. Some even said she looked better than her pictures.
This gentleman justified his comment and proceeded to tell her that he was formerly a professional photographer. He was an expert and he was quite certain that she didn’t look like her photos. He then proceeded to say that she was extremely photogenic, but in real life looked very plain. Are you laughing yet? He insulted an attractive woman who he was actually interested in by telling her she was plain.Flattery does go far, s0 why tell a woman on a first date that she looked like a plain Jane? It was simply insulting. Isn’t it better to say nothing and just enjoy the conversation?
Then he started the nervous interrogation about her previous marriage by saying, “So who ended your marriage? You, or your husband?” Did it matter? No. She had been divorced for almost 10-years. It was old news and not first date conversation material. All that mattered was that her divorce was final and she was available to date. Her reply, with my coaching was “I don’t recall.”
Then he went down memory lane about his past and told her how he did LSD at Woodstock in 1969. Did she really need to know about his drug habit from 40 years ago? No, not really. Was he putting his best foot forward? Not at all.
Finally, he told her how crazy his ex-wife was and that she was bi-polar. As he started to talk about her manic-depression episodes, fortunately the alarm went off on her BlackBerry to let her know that the 2-hours in the parking meter had run out. She had 5 minutes to leave in order to avoid getting a parking ticket.
She gracefully thanked him for dinner and received a text message the next day telling her he had a great time and wanted to get together again. Remember, it’s a first date, not a therapy session. You may be nervous. After a few drinks, you might feel comfortable revealing all, but you’re making a first impression on someone you might spend the rest of your life with. If you think you shouldn’t tell a prospective boss about your days of doing LSD and bi-polar spouse to land your dream job, then you shouldn’t do the same with a woman or man you’re interested in dating.
Julie Spira is the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to learn how to create an irresistible online dating profile.
Single men and women would love to know the exact magic formula for success with the opposite sex in finding love online.
Imagine meeting someone online and being excited when you see their profile and photo. Remember the feeling you got when their name showed up in your Inbox. Think about how excited you felt at the possibility of receiving that first phone call with the hope that it would turn into a first date. Who knows what could happen if the online chemistry, phone chemistry, and that magical connection all clicked like a well oiled machine. It could be “the one.”
Think about that precious time you have on the phone while each person is assessing whether you should actually meet in person. But what happens when you blow it on the telephone? Just a few sentences that slip out of your mouth could actually make the decision whether a woman or man will want to meet you or move on to the next ideal candidate.
While some methods work better for some than others, here are 3 key deal breakers that may prevent you from going from online to the first date and you may end up in the trash folder instead of in their arms. There are some questions or topics of conversation that just need to be delayed to a future date, if at all. I cover these in the Rules of Netiquette in my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
I am sharing these top 3 with you now, because they really did happen in recent conversations I had with potential male suitors that quickly slipped up into Internet Heaven, a place I reserve on my desktop next to the trash icon.
Are you ready? To avoid from going to “hot” to “not” and never making it on to the first date, here are my true tested recommendations.
1. Do not talk about financial problems. We all know the state of the economy is on everyone’s minds right now. However, I actually spoke to a man who told me within the first twenty minutes, that he lost his house to the bank, had no life insurance and could not qualify for life insurance, but he thought he should brag about the fact that he drove a nice car. Financial successes and woes should not be discussed in a conversation with someone you haven’t yet met. I didn’t want to know about his credit score. It goes both ways. If a woman has lost her job and is having financial problems, don’t let the man know. He may think you are a gold-digger, and first impressions, even on the phone really matter.
2. Do not talk about the ex. I know it seems like common sense, but online phone interviews sometimes go in the direction of, “Have you ever been married? How long? How many times? When was your last relationship?” These really should be 0ff-limit subjects of conversation in your first phone call. Finding similar interests in a short conversation and moving towards a first date should be your goal. Relaying your personal resume is a turn off. Don’t talk about your ex-wife, ex-husband, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, or even ex-housekeeper for that matter.
3. Keep it short. Don’t drag the phone conversation on for 45 minutes. Some people just want to keep talking on the first phone date. Keep a little mystery about yourself that you would like to share later on with your new online date. Keep the conversation on the short side and be ready to ask her for an actual date and put it on the calendar. Hopefully there will be plenty of dates to follow where you can get more personal.
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Julie Spira is a bestselling author, online dating expert and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice, like her @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert