What makes a date a bad date?
If you ask my friend and neighbor, Jennifer Kelton, she’ll point you to her terrific site Bad Online Dates. On her site, you can post those dates you had hoped would go well, that ended in the category of a dating disaster. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we feature the Peril of the Week. This time, I thought I’d add in a personal story of my own, along with some dating advice to prevent you from ending up with a date gone bad.
Forgive my bad manners, but during my last bad online date, I sent a text message to Jen saying, ‘Help! I’m on a bad date, but don’t tell anyone.” I received an immediate supportive response from Jen, which said, “I just laughed so hard out loud right now! Are you ok? Other than the fact that you’re on a “bad date.” She offered to help me with the “family emergency” call and she let me know that she was there for me. There’s nothing more powerful than your girlfriend network while you are going on a blind date.
Jen coined the phrase bad dates. She produces and directs Bad Date TV. I have a history of writing about my dates, both the good and the bad.
So what exactly defines a bad date and how do you prevent one from happening?
Let’s look at some ways to prevent yourself from a dating disaster so you don’t end up as the Peril of the Week.
1. Trust Your Intuition. Don’t accept a date when the phone conversation doesn’t feel right. If you don’t have any phone chemistry at all or find yourself in an argument with your date before you even meet them, don’t schedule a date. You don’t need a free meal. If you put a date on the calendar, don’t feel badly about canceling. Why waste each other’s time?
My first conversation with my date was awful. We had two weeks of fantastic instant messaging chemistry. On the phone, he kept interrupting me, arguing with me, and kept telling me how to run my business life, disagreeing with everything I was doing. He was right. I was wrong about everything, so it appeared. I couldn’t get off the phone fast enough. I should have canceled our upcoming date, but felt I was a woman of my word and should follow through. I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. A woman’s intuition is very powerful. You should trust it. I ended up going for sushi with a man who attacked every statement I made. From arguing with me because I didn’t like to eat eel, to ridiculing me because I ordered hot sake. He insisted that cold sake was better. When I said I liked living near the beach, he complained about the fog layer. It went downhill fast. I wondered, “ Why did I subject myself to this?”
2. Take your date from online to offline as soon as possible. In my case, I had great “instant message” chemistry with the date in question. Since I had communicated with him mostly online, I broke several of my own rules of netiquette for online daters. I had a good excuse. I had laryngitis.
My date made several attempts to call and get together. I was unable to, but as he was supportive of my voiceless condition, including suggesting a Dr. who could help me, I began to feel more comfortable with this man whom I never met.
If you spend too much time online sending instant messages, text messages, and emails to someone, you can end up with a false illusion that you are in a relationship. You start to get attached. You are not in a relationship. You are talking to a computer with a photo, that’s all.
3. Never ever text message others while on a date (unless you want your date to end.) I always say, keep the BlackBerry and iPhone off the table. It’s not an accessory. It’s rude and sends a message that you are more interested in someone else other than your date. In this case, I didn’t care that I sent Jen a text. She needed to know. I knew I’d get sympathy from a friend who understood. I believe you should always check in with a friend when you are meeting a date for the first time. I call it the buddy system. If I was really that into him, I wouldn’t notice my cell phone, even if it rang.
4. Always meet your date in a public place and don’t drive together. When my date suggested picking me up at my home and driving for 45 minutes together on what he called a “real date,” I knew enough to say no. I sent him a text that said I always meet someone on a first date and take my own car. If I had been stuck in a car with a controlling argumentative guy, it could have been a problem. I might have ended up on a street corner alone, looking for a cab back home. Better safe, than sorry.
5. Do your homework and study for the quiz. Online dating is a numbers game. However, the more organized you are, the more successful your date will be. In this case, my date thought I had never been married, forgot that I was from the east coast, didn’t remember what I did for a living, and didn’t really seem to care. If you are on a date, make it personal and keep it light. Take the time to remember something your date wrote in their profile. Think of it like preparing for a job interview for your dream job. Would know the name of the parent company you are interviewing with? Would you know the name of the CEO or city of their headquarters? Did you find out how man years they were in business? Recognize their logo?
Add it all up, and it was a recipe for disaster, before I even arrived at the sushi bar to meet a 50-year old man who was wearing a dangling earring. It was destined to be a bad date.
So before you go on your next date, make sure you are looking forward to it, be on good behavior, do your homework, ask questions about the other person, take time to listen, and perhaps you’ll make a new friend, even if you don’t end up meeting “the one.”
Julie Spira is a dating advice columnist and online dating expert. She is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
Dr. Diana Kirschner Talks to Julie Spira on the Valentine’s Edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where Dr. Diana Kirschner, author of Love in 90 Days talked about some Valentine’s dating tips as well as her expert dating advice from the new chapter in her book, Dating Games Men Play.
Dr. Diana provided suggestions for your maximizing your online dating profile, including refreshing your profile page daily and staying logged on all day.
Listen to the show where Dr. Diana listed the some of the DUD’s (Definitely Unworkable Dudes) and some of the STUD’s (Seriously, Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dudes).
Find out how you can improve your love life by listening to the Valentine’s edition of Ask the Cyber Dating Expert Radio Show.
Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Thursday night, December 17, 2009 as she is the featured guest on “Late Night Conversations” with author, futurist, and radio personality Allan Holender on BlogTalkRadio.
The conversation will be filled with online dating tips and relationship advice to help singles during the holidays. We’ll be featuring Julie’s bestselling online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
Call in at 8:10pm/PST, 10:10pm/CST, 11:10pm/EST at 1-646-716-4604 or listen in on the web.
Dr. Carole Lieberman, Beverly Hills Psychiatrist and host of Dr. Carole’s Couch on VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network will feature Cyber-Dating Expert and author Julie Spira as her guest on Tuesday, December 15, 2009.
Spira will be provide dating advice for singles who want to find a a honey for the holidays and will share her expert tips to help you get a date via the net.
Spira is the author of the bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Her online dating tell-all memoir is a witty and realistic inside look of her romantic journey in cyberspace which spanned over 15 years. Spira is quoted world-wide as an expert in online dating and helps singles look for love on the web. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
The segment, From Mistletoe to Match on Dr. Carole’s Couch will air from 1pm-2pm, PST. Call in at 866-472-5788 with your questions or listen online at VoiceAmerica.
The FREE Guide includes tips from myself along with two other relationship experts, gift giving ideas, online dating holiday trends, and more dating tips for the holiday season.
Their study showed that the majority of singles wanted to couple-up during the holidays and were looking for a long-term relationship.
Their survey found:
- This holiday season, 63% of singles are looking for long-term true love, 33% of singles are just looking for a holiday party date and 4% feel it’s too stressful to date during the holidays.
- Surprisingly, 19% of men say they would invite a woman to their office holiday party as a first date. Only 10% of women are this daring.
- The most desired gift is a hug or a kiss.
For more information, download your free guide at http://www.zoosk.com/survivalguide.php.
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio show with Julie Spira and her featured guest, Shira Kallus, Dating Advisor to DATE.com, Matchmaker.com, and Amor.com, their newest site for Latin Dating.
Shira shared her personal story on how she met her husband online.
You’ll learn some online dating tips on how long you should wait to meet your date, relationship advice on finding your soulmate, and how to have realistic expectations while cyberdating.
We talked about cyberdating safety and more. Listen to learn more about DATE.COM, Matchmaker.com – a site truly geared towards finding serious relationships, and Amor.com
Thanksgiving is around the corner and at this joyous time, it can also be very lonely and filled with anxiety for singles.
If you want to get lucky in love, here are my SEVEN dating tips to help you find love online in time for the holidays so you won’t be flying solo on New Year’s Eve.
1. Create an IRRESISTIBLE online dating profile.
- This includes a catchy screen name, professional photos, and an alluring essay that will pique his curiosity.
- If you are online now, change your screen name and reinvent yourself.
2. Let’s Get Organized
- Create a simple excel spreadsheet to help you sift through the possible dates to narrow down your search.
3. Don’t Wait. Initiate
- Women are told not to initiate contact with men and to let them do the pursuing. Why limit your possibilities? Come up with creative and key opening lines to initiate contact with men who will be flattered to hear from you.
4. It’s All About Color
- Sure nothing beats the little black dress. But for the holidays, spice up your look up with color. Wear red, gold, blue, or a color that will make you shine.
5. Find the Time
- Don’t spend all your time on the computer. Start filling up your calendar and transfer your online life to an offline relationship.
6. The Magic of 3
- Spend 3 hours a week minimum on your online dating site.
- Sign up for 3 online dating sites. Choose one a niche site, one larger mainstream site, and one a free online dating site.
- Write to 3 men EVERY day.
- Go on 3 dates a day. Does this sound impossible or frightening to you? Start with coffee in the morning, schedule a casual lunch during the day, and in the afternoon meet someone for coffee or drinks. You may be so pleased with your results that one of these dates could turn into a dinner date.
7. Cast a Wide Net
- Don’t toss away the date without chemistry. Consider each date as a new friend who may invite you to a holiday party. Expand your social and business network and be open to all of the possibilities.
For more personalized cyberdating tips and relationship advice, contact us for private coaching with Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira, Let us help you create your IRRESISTIBLE online dating profile in time for the holidays or visit CyberDatingExpert.com where we provide dating advice for men and women.
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with my guest, Sam Moorcroft CEO of the online dating site ChristianCafe.com. Hear about their features along with online dating tips and relationship advice for finding love online in time for Christmas.
ChristianCafe.com has the largest database of of Christian singles online and has successfully matched thousands of couples.
Some of their features include:
- *Free* 7 day trial on their site (10 days if you post your photo)
- Post a Prayer
- Chat, Winks, Emails
We talked about 5 tips for your online dating profile to increase your chance of success.
Listen to the radio show and get ready for the holidays!
Saturday, October 17th is National Sweetest Day. The holiday was created over 60 years ago by a Cleveland man who wanted to show the city’s orphans and the underprivileged that they were remembered.
In modern times, Sweetest Day is a good excuse and time for singles and couples to do nice gestures for each other. Fill the day with random acts of kindness and have a reason to celebrate.
Here are some suggestions and my dating advice for exchanging simple gifts and honoring your online date on National Sweetest Day.
A Single Rose. Bring your date one single rose. It has the same impact as the full dozen.
In Home Dining. Create a date night on Saturday night where the two of you cook together at home. Set the table with candles. If you don’t have time, bring home take-out or stop by the grocery store.
Love notes. Write a love note to your significant other and leave it on their pillow in the morning.
Simple Gifts. Buy a bottle of massage oil or foot massage cream for dessert.
Candy. It is Sweetest Day, so pick up a heart-shaped chocolate from your local chocolatier and present it to your date with a bow.
Music. Select a romantic CD of love songs to play in the background for your romantic dinner for two.
I hope you enjoy national Sweetest Day and if you get lucky in love, please do let us know!
Julie Spira is a dating coach and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at http://CyberDatingExpert.com