Facebook Love Story – Patience and Sam

Meet Patience and Sam who fell in love on Facebook.

Over 25 years ago, Patience had a serious crush on Sam.

She knew him the class clown and the wildly popular senior who always found new ways to be in the spotlight.

By contrast, Patience was quiet and considered more of a wallflower. She thought that Sam was  “out of her league.” They two never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture. They still have that picture.

Twenty-six years went by. Sam got married and then divorced. He lived in Israel, where he was teaching college and high school French. Meanwhile in New York,  Patience had gone into publishing and had serial-dated for two decades. She was 41-yeats-old and thought she was completely over the New York dating scene, which she jokingly refers to as “buffet dating.”

In August 2009, in the “Suggested Friends” section on Facebook, Sam noticed “the little redhead” as one of his options and “friended” Patience immediately. For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular person from high school. She started flirting on Facebook by “liking” his morose status updates. Finally, Sam picked up the phone and called her. Their first phone conversation lasted for over two hours.

One Facebook friendship and three months of Skype dates later convinced them there was something there.  He asked if he could visit and possibly “marry and father her children.” Patience said all of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection between them.

On December 17, 2009, Sam uprooted himself to go west and saw Patience for the first time in twenty-six years. He ended up staying in New York. On their first visit to his father’s house in Miami, Sam dug out the original picture of them, which he’d kept all these years. They were married on January 16, 2011 and live in New York.

Congratulations to Patience and Sam, our featured couple in Facebook Love Stories.

Do you know someone who fell in love on Facebook?

 

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and FacebookLoveStories.com. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert. For Facebook dating advice, follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter and their Facebook Page

Dating Advice: I’m Upset About His Facebook Page Likes

 

Dear Julie,

I met this cute guy online and there was a lot of chemistry. He asked me out at the end of the first date for a second date and I was happy about it. When I got home, there was a Facebook friends request from him. I decided not to accept it as we only had one date and I didn’t think I wanted him seeing the details of my personal life.

Finally, a few days later I decided to accept his request and was stunned at what I saw on his profile. It appeared he liked a Facebook page of a site that looked racy. I’m not into these types of things, so I unfriended him, blocked him on Facebook, and canceled our second date.

Did I overreact or did I save myself from a heartbreak? Please help.

Leah

Dear Leah,

Your date was clearly into you, which is why he wanted to be friends on Facebook as well. You should be flattered. Not accepting a friends request after a first date was wise, as no one had agreed to date exclusively so early on. It’s natural to want to take a digital peek to see what each other is up to on Facebook. However, you shouldn’t jump to conclusion that your guy has a dark side. Contact him and let him know what you saw and ask him if this really describes who he is and what his interests are.

Chances are he might not even have realized what he had clicked “like” to and has no idea that site appears on his personal Facebook page. Keep it light and friendly as you were the one who canceled the second date and blocked him. Let’s see if he deletes that page from his profile or keeps it as a favorite.

You’ll know in time if he’s your type or not.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie

Do you have a dating dilemma? Are you unsure if your online dating profile shows you in the best digital light? Contact us with your questions and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for more advice from online dating expert, Julie Spira

Follow @JulieSpira

Is Facebook Really the World’s Largest Dating Site?

There’s no shortage of online dating sites popping up every week. The newest sites are called niche sites as they bring a hook to the digital table. From group dating, to setting up your pets, to the latest trend of incorporating Facebook and the vote of approval from your friends to help set up your dates, it can make your head spin, or at least your fingers tired.

What does this mean for singles in the crowded digital marketplace? When I was asked by my friends at Huffington Post to comment on an article they were writing called New Online Dating Sites Bring Your Friends Along for the Ride, about these new sites such as  The Complete.me, Yoke.me, and Circle.es, it made me realize that singles do want to see accountability from potential dates.  Sure I got fixed up on one of these sites with a photo of Michael Jackson to a man named Michael, so it’s data in, data out. But it sure does make you feel good when you see some of your friends on Facebook who really knows your potential date.

Our Mobile Dating Bootcamp will be starting next week and some of the contestants will be using some of these newer Facebook dating apps. We’ll be reporting on their findings, but until these sites get enough members to sign up, you might find yourself a digital pen-pal out of your geographic area. Our findings will be presented at the Internet Dating and Mobile Dating Conference in June.

Would you try a dating site that matched you based on your Facebook friends?

Full article @Huffington Post

Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie created her first dating profile over 15 years ago and today, she provides irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie was named one of America’s Ultimate Experts in Woman’s World magazine and was called the pioneer of online dating by Cosmo. For online dating advice, join the conversation at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Cyber Love Links – Gaming and Dating in a Web 2.0 World

Love never goes out of style and there was no shortage of love links this week on our Twitter stream.

The week started out with the huge news that the California Attorney General Kamala D. Harris announced her joint release for online dating safety. Dating sites eHarmony, Match, and Spark Networks, owner of JDate and Christian Mingle joined together to make singles feel safer while looking for love online. This story was covered everywhere in the world, including USA Today, Time, and Mashable.

As a cyber-relations and online dating expert, I helped spread the good news on Huffington Post in How to Use Google and Facebook for Online Dating Safety. On GenConnect, you can view videos from both myself and Attorney General Kamala D. Harris in Online Dating to Become Safer for Singles. On Sunday at 5pm/pt, I’ll be a guest with Phil Shuman on FOX News to talk about this subject as well. For more safety tips, check out the SAFETY link on our home page. We take online dating safety seriously. We also want to help you fall in love online.

On a lighter note, MBA Programs posted an Infographic called “Gamers Get Girls.” We loved it so much that we added it to our pinboard on Pinterest. You’ll see an interesting comparison of how online dating stacks up to online gaming. Our friends at Ask Men taught the guys that telling your date too much just isn’t a good idea. Check out Killing Challenge: Why you shouldn’t reveal too much too soon.  In honor of the return of Mad Men, How About We shared a great post, Are You a Don Draper or a Trudy Campbell: Find Your Mad Men Dating Style. One of our latest success couples sent me a text message from the airport on their way to Paris! Yes, her irresistible profile on Match helped her find her dream guy. In honor of their new love, I’m sharing an article I enjoyed on GalTime, 6 Most Romantic Places in Paris. Speaking of GalTime, many thanks to Marianne Beach for featuring our dating advice in A Dozen Tips for Dating in a Facebook World, which also appeared on Yahoo! Shine.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice

Dating Advice: To Friend, or Not to Friend Your Date

It was an honor to be called on by my friends at GalTime to chime in on the dos and don’ts for “Dating in a Facebook World.”

One of the questions I hear most often from singles is, “Should I send a Facebook friends request before our first date?” Sure, I know you’re excited about meeting him, but stop daydreaming about changing your relationship status.  You might have taken a digital peek to see how many friends you have in common on Facebook, but once someone accepts or rejects your request, it goes on the same place on the totem pole as having the “talk” to be friends, or “more than friends” with someone. It just becomes uncomfortable and it’s hard to get back on the same digital page.

Suddenly your new beau might be worried that you’ll be spying on his wall. Or even worse, he may project that you’ll turn into a cyber stalker and question him about his female cousin’s arm around him from 6 months ago. The thought of his first date with you suddenly becomes uncomfortable, and he may just cancel with an excuse that it’s his turn to watch the kids, or there’s a work project he has to tend to.

If this sounds familiar, I urge you to take a big digital breath and log off of your Facebook account until your first or even second date is over. Facebook dating can be complicated. Balancing the traditional courtship with information-at-your-fingertips can be tricky. My advice to you, keep the information from that Google search results to yourself and just be the authentic you. You’ll have plenty of time to post things on your Timeline if the relationship goes in the right direction.

Here’s an excerpt on what I shared on GalTime:

No “Friending” on the First Date

It may be terribly tempting to friend request the guy you met at the bar last night—especially if his Facebook page is locked up tight. After all, how else can you spy on those old photos of him and his ex that he hasn’t gotten around to taking down yet?

But Spira says: think before you friend. Chances are, you’re not on the same digital page yet. And a virtual friendship could ruin your chances of a real life relationship. “It’s just too soon and you aren’t in a relationship, nor are you even really dating just yet,” she says. “One of you may be dating several people at a time, while the other may be single-focused. If you become Facebook friends prematurely, your relationship may end quickly as well.”

Or it may never get off the ground at all.

“I’ve known women who have cancelled dates after receiving a Facebook friends request,” she says.

Kiss and Don’t Tell

Want to know every last nauseating detail of your second cousin’s first date? How about your boss’s cutesy pet name for his third wife? Not so much, right? Well, most likely your friends aren’t interested in the nitty gritty of your love life either! So keep it offline.

“Saying I love you on Valentine’s Day is appropriate on your sweetheart’s wall if you’re friends on Facebook,” says Spira. “Saying I love you every day and talking about details of your first kiss on Facebook breaks the rules of netiquette. Your friends and you beau don’t always want you to “Kiss and Tell.’”

That goes for your relationship status as well.

“While your Facebook friends will be happy for your new found love, they really don’t want to watch your status change from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘It’s Complicated’ and back to ‘Single’ again,” says Spira.

What Happens on Facebook…

The date was fun, you had a few drinks, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But before you post that funny status update or compromising photo—think twice. Remember what goes online stays there… forever.

“You can’t take it back,” Spira says. “Often these updates are indexed by the search engine. Even if you remove a photo or update from your Timeline on Facebook, it may have already been shared by friends and friends-of-friends.”

Click  here for the full article on GalTime with my 12 Dos and Don’ts of Dating in a Facebook World.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, join our Weekly Flirt newsletter and visit us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Would You Creep an Ex on Facebook?

When you’re in love and happy and have a facebook status of “In a Relationship,” you’re letting the world view your romantic life and share your joy.

When the relationship ends, you know it’s best to cut your digital ties, but will you?

It’s hard to resist taking a peek, but it’s not healthy if you want to move forward with your life.

In a recent article in the Toronto Sun, I was asked my dating advice and opinions on the creeping an ex syndrome. So without further digital adieu, I hope this article helps you move on, both online and offline. As usual, your comments and suggestions are always appreciated.

“I’m against creeping exes,” says Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. “There’s a reason he or she is your ex, so do what you can to move on. If you stare at their Facebook photos, it will be much harder to move on to a better and healthier relationship.”

Spira advises de-friending the ex on Facebook, untagging yourself from photos of the two of you together and unfollowing them on Twitter immediately.

“It’s just too tempting to take a digital peek,” Spira says.

But cutting your ex off from your social media circle doesn’t necessarily have to be a permanent measure.

Click here for the full article at the Toronto Sun

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette

Should You Become Facebook Friends With Someone You Just Started Dating?

To friend, or not to friend? This question comes up all too often from singles I’m coaching when they first start dating someone new.

My advice is always a firm no. Not just yet.

Although you may be enthusiastic about your phone conversations, have sent a few text messages back-and-forth, and enjoy spending 1-3 hours every day on Facebook,  it might seem like the next logical step to add your new date as a friend on Facebook. I call this trend “premature friending” and it might lead to a startling ending of a relationship that never had the full chance to move forward on a normal digital course.

Setting romantic boundaries on Facebook and other social networks can be quite tricky. However, it really doesn’t have to be so complicated after all.

So without further digital adieu, here are some of the most popular questions I’m asked, with answers to help your love life, both online and in real life.

Should you ignore a Facebook friend request before meeting your date?

If you regularly ignore other requests from strangers or friends-of-friends, then do the same with the man or woman you have not yet met. Think about it. Your new date might be secretly cyber stalking you to check on your where-abouts to see if it adds up to the way you described yourself. Sound creepy? Well, it is. So yes, ignore it. They aren’t a friend yet, nor are they your boyfriend or girlfriend.

You had a great first date. Is it safe to send a friend request?

No, not just yet. Unless you discussed a business deal or partnership and want to ease your way in with a Linkedin request, he or she is quite likely still on the market. They won’t want you gazing at their online activity, nor should you be staring at theirs. Avoid posting comments about your date or post the cute photo that you snapped on your iPhone after your first martini. It’s too soon to go spreading the news on the public Internet.

You had sex. Are you ready to be Facebook friends?

Just because you spent time together between the sheets, doesn’t mean it’s time to change your status to “In a Relationship.” Make sure you have the talk first about your relationship. If you’re both on the same digital page, then go ahead and change the relationship status together. If you aren’t in a committed relationship, you’re likely to have your feelings hurt when you see his arm around another girl or her in an uncompromising photo with another guy. If either one of you is sitting on the digital fence, then stay friends offline before becoming friends online.

The relationship never took off. Can we just be friends?

If you know for certainty that there was no chemistry or a chance for romance, and no one feels jilted, go ahead and become friends if you truly like each other and know it will be platonic. If you find yourself staring at his or her wall wondering what they’re up to, then you’re not being honest with yourself. Politely unfriend them until you know you’re over it.

At the end of the digital day, don’t let your feelings be hurt if the other party ignores your friend request. Everyone has their own prerequisites for friending and unfriending each other on the world’s largest social network.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating and netiquette expert.  She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice. Connect with Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira, Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette

Digital Dating – Tips for Long-Distance Love

Thinking about expanding your zip code or dusting off your passport while looking for love online? I can tell you from first-hand experience that you need to cast a wide net and brush up on your technology skills.  Mobile phone use and high speed Internet makes it so much easier than in the pre-Internet days where you spent a fortune in long-distance bills and time buying Hallmark cards. Now, a cute e-card, Skype, twitter, and facebook along with your smartphone should keep you digitally connected and happily-in-love.

In a recent interview in the Times-Union, A Modern Twist on Long-Distance Love, I talked about the use of Skype and texting to keep you connected to your loved ones.

Julie Spira, author of “The Perils of Cyber Dating,” says many people look at technology to enhance relationships. Whether you use Skype, iChat or text, technology makes it virtually impossible to be disconnected from the world.

Spira said people must still invest in the relationship, and that relationships held together over distance are big commitments.

Spira advises women to even put on that cute dress and lipstick, the same as they would do face to face.

But Spira cautions that relationships starting out as long distance have a longer honeymoon stage. “Sometimes long-distance relationships give the false illusion you are in a long-distance relationship, but it is a vacation relationship,” Spira said. “Time is so concentrated you only know vacation mode; it is a romantic fantasy.”

Spira said in vacation relationships, you often only see each other for a short period of time, so you usually stay at nice hotels, eat at expensive restaurants and leave the real world behind.

“You don’t talk about issues real couples face, like talking about paying bills and mold in the house,” Spira said. “Vacation couples often have trouble making the transition into real relationships when they move to the same city or household.”

If you feel you’re in a vacation relationship, Spira said to incorporate regular life into the relationship, find boundaries and how to manage them.

“Try and focus on reality and not just romance.”

Are you involved in a long-distance relationship? Are you using video chat on facebook or skype as part of your digital dating regime? Your comments are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me for dating advice on Twitter @JulieSpira, on facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and on Google+ gplus.to/juliespira

 

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Tammye and Scott

This week’s Cyber Love Story of the Week is one where I’m proud to share, as I’ve known Tammye for over a year. Find out how an online flirt, initiated by Tammye, followed by her cancelling the date, eventually led to a marriage proposal. Here’s the story of Tammye and Scott.

He Said:

I had been dating online for about a year. If there was no connection, I just moved on. Most profiles and pictures were a lie and I was ready to give up on the entire process. I have never been one to go to bars, so dating online was my only real option. I had put a 25 mile limit on my search radius. Somehow Tammye came up within that search. She sent me a flirt. Tammye was 25.9 miles away, although she was just outside my criteria, I was impressed by her profile. She was articulate and I liked that. I answered the flirt. We set up plans to meet for coffee. Tammye cancelled [I still swear that she said due to a spider bite on her face]. That was my final straw … I was done. I was frustrated with the whole online dating thing, but Tammye and I remained Facebook friends. I watched her posts and the events she attended, she captured my attention. In one of her posts, she mentioned Italian food, I told her about a great spot for real Sicilian lasagna, and Tammye said “All you have to do is ask”. The date was set, June 15^th at 6:30pm. She was late, one of my pet peeves. I ordered for her.  She texted me when she arrived in the parking lot and I went out to meet her. As I waited to greet her, in my mind I saw her float above the ground, wearing a long white dress [come to find out it was a short black & white polka dot one] it was as if I had known her all my life.

I knew the moment I saw her I had found the one, I proposed on December 30, 2010. She said ‘Yes’ ~ three times. I never want to be without her. We have everything in common. She is my life mate.

She Said:

In December of 2009, out of sheer frustration, I joined an online dating site. I had just set up my Facebook account and one of their sister sites was Zoosk. I was dutiful and filled out the questionnaire, trying to be thorough yet interesting. Just let me say, you have to go through a lot of frogs before you find you find your prince. Having deleted my way through a few dozen or so gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, there was only one man that stood out, Scott. I was very hesitant, but we made plans to meet for coffee. Call it a mid-life crisis, but at the time I was determined to experience all those things that I didn’t have time for or money for in the past. I had recently taken up Kick boxing lessons, and a few days prior to our meeting, I took a punch to the eye. A swollen, black-purple-and-blue eyeball never makes a good first impression, so I cancelled. Scott and I never rescheduled the coffee meet up, however we remained Facebook friends for 6 months. In May of 2010, having found out it was my birthday, Scott invited me to dinner. We made plans to meet once again. This time the date was kept. We have been inseparable ever since. He means absolutely everything to me.

Scott and I just celebrated our one year anniversary; we are engaged and will be wed in March 2012. You really can find love online!

Congratulations to Tammye and Scott, our Cyber Love Story of the Week.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Peril of the Week – Facebook Love Affair Ends with a Lawsuit

In the category of Peril of the Week, this week’s news story of the Michigan woman who met her online boyfriend while playing Mafia Wars on Facebook makes it to the top of the list and on the court docket.

According to the Seattle Times, 50-year old Cheryl Gray, who initially claimed to be 42, claims Wylie Iwan from Washington state led her on, publicly humiliated her on Facebook, and cost her to spend money on an airplane ticket for a trip that was abruptly cancelled.

According to the Seattle Times, Gray was planning on visiting Iwan in Washington and had paid for an airline ticket that cost about $900. Just days before she was to fly to see him, he advised her that he had met someone else. It was a facebook breakup and she didn’t see it coming.

The Seattle Times reports:

Cheryl Gray says Wylie Iwan led her on, caused her to spend money on gifts and a trip to the Tri-Cities, then humiliated her when he posted vulgar comments on her Facebook wall.

They became Facebook friends in September and had about 300 friends in common, she said. During the next couple of months, they began talking through Facebook messages, and Gray said Iwan wanted to exchange personal information and get to know her.

Although they met on Mafia wars, they created their own Facebook war after the relationship ended with Gray setting up a hate group on Facebook. She accused Iwan of being an online predator. Iwan then allegedly posted bitter messages about her on Facebook, where Gray is now seeking damages in the amount of $8,368.88. Gray’s attorney is seeking damages for misrepresentation, promissory estoppel, defamation of character, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. So much for being social, on the world’s largest social network.

To you have an online dating story or dating disaster story to share?

Submit your story for consideration in the Peril of the Week

Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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