Dating Advice – Help! I’m Over 50, Divorced and Shy

Dear Julie,

I am stuck. I am 51-year old female who’s only had about 3 dates since my divorce 5 years ago.I am reasonably attractive, personable smart, intelligent and a good listener–but am very shy about putting myself out there again.

However, I lack confidence in my ability to attract a man.
I recently relocated back to my hometown after being gone for 20 years–and well, everyone is married.

I was one of the many displaced in the recession and have been searching for work–with limited success–for a while now and keep thinking I need to get that part of my life settled before I date. Is that true?

Where does the over-50 crowd go to find dates with someone young at heart? I don’t drink so don’t spend much time in bars.

Signed Lonely in MKE

Dear Lonely in MKE,

I know how frustrating this is to have to start life over and start dating after a divorce. You’re back in your old city, but with a whole new group of rules. It’s hard when your friends are all married and think in even numbers.

First, the good news, is there are more avenues to meet quality single men when your friends aren’t fixing you up anymore. Just this week a research study was released showing that online dating is now the second most popular way to meet singles, after personal introductions from friends and friends-of-friends.

Second, since you’re the new kid back in town, and you should be asking everyone to fix you up. Don’t get frustrated when you hear they don’t know anyone. Keep asking.  My mother always told me that good men become available, either when their wives or girlfriends don’t appreciate them, or if they lose a spouse to death. These guys don’t stay available for too long. There’s always a window for them and they do want to reconnect and not be alone.

Third, yes, you need to find a job now, but think about casting a wide net while you’re looking for your dream job. While you’re meeting people and talking to potential companies, you might be making a new friend, meeting interesting co-workers, or even find someone to introduce you to a friend of theirs.  You need to expand your social and business network outside of just your married friends, and there’s no better way to do than than online.

I speak with men all the time over 50. Boomer dating is growing in popularity.  They are just as frustrated as you are. A recent Match study on Singles in America, showed that men have a strong desire for a serious and intimate relationship as they get older.  With Valentine’s around the corner, singles really are looking to connect, and for meaningful relationships. So, grab your computer, log onto an online dating site and create your profile. You’ll be listed as “new” and will get more men looking at your profile. Don’t be afraid to initiate contact. Look at who has viewed your profile and reach out and say hello.

Wishing you much love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie

Do you have a dating question?  Newly single? Send us your online dating questions and find out about our dating coaching programs and Irresistible Online Dating Profiles.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.  For more dating advice, Sign up for our Weekly Flirt, Like us on Facebook and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Chemistry’s Top 10 Cities to Find a Sensitive Man

Are you ready to change your zip code to find love online?

Our friends at Chemistry.com have announced their Top 10 list of cities where you’re more likely to find a sensitive man.

Most of the cities on the list are on the east coast, except for Nashville, Indianapolis, and West Hollywood.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry’s Chief Scientific Officer and a former featured guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show said, ”Men do have a sensitive side.” Fisher added, ‘They want to please. They want to do the “right” thing.

The Top 10 list includes:

1. Popmano Beach, FL

2. Roanoke, VA

3. West Hollywood, CA

4. Nashville, TN

5. Buffalo, NY

6. Sarasota, FL

7. Greenville, SC

8. Wilmington, NC

9. Indianapolis, IN

10. Staten Island, NY

Ready to dive in and find a sensitive man? Click here to sign up and remember to share your online dating stories at CyberDatingExpert.com.

Chemistry.com Free Communication Weekend 1/13 – 1/15

Full article @Chemistry Blog

Dating Advice – Would You Move For Love?

There’s no doubt about it, that online dating allows you to cast a very wide net. You can easily change your zip code to a new city when you’re traveling to meet single men or women to find love online in another city. (Yes, I’ve done this myself).

If you’ve just moved and are the new face in town, chances are you don’t have a social network to rely on. This is where Internet dating can become your best digital friend.

Take for example, our Cyber Love Story couple, Sophie and Greg who met on JDate. Sophie was from Paris. Greg resided in Los Angeles. After 5-months of corresponding online, the two met. They had a whirlwind romance and were married in eight months. Sophie happily relocated to Los Angeles.

On Catholic Match, success couple John and Krystina didn’t let distance get in the way. John had just relocated to Michigan. He had hoped to meet someone close to home, but fell in love with Krystina, who resided in Massachusetts. Eighteen months later, the couple became engaged.

Recently, I was interviewed for an article on Match.com for dating advice magazine, Happen. In the article, Love: Make Your Move on how to find love online and offline when you move to a new city, I provided some tips for those who are willing to widen their search or have just relocated to a new city.

Online Dating Profile Makeover tips

“You should overhaul your online dating profile every few months. This is especially the case when you’re moving to a new city. Add some recent photos and start your ‘About Me’ section with something like, “I’ve just relocated from Chicago and am new in town.”

Offline Dating Strategy

Don’t forget your off-line strategies, says Julie Spira (www.cyberdatingexpert.com), a Los Angeles author, blogger and public speaker. “Introduce yourself to your neighbors and let them know that you’re single,” she suggests. “Find clubs and activities that match your interests and join them.”

Would you move for love? Are you presently in a long-distance relationship with someone you met online?

Your comments are welcome and if you get a moment, follow me on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/JulieSpira 

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and coach. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories.

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Tammye and Scott

This week’s Cyber Love Story of the Week is one where I’m proud to share, as I’ve known Tammye for over a year. Find out how an online flirt, initiated by Tammye, followed by her cancelling the date, eventually led to a marriage proposal. Here’s the story of Tammye and Scott.

He Said:

I had been dating online for about a year. If there was no connection, I just moved on. Most profiles and pictures were a lie and I was ready to give up on the entire process. I have never been one to go to bars, so dating online was my only real option. I had put a 25 mile limit on my search radius. Somehow Tammye came up within that search. She sent me a flirt. Tammye was 25.9 miles away, although she was just outside my criteria, I was impressed by her profile. She was articulate and I liked that. I answered the flirt. We set up plans to meet for coffee. Tammye cancelled [I still swear that she said due to a spider bite on her face]. That was my final straw … I was done. I was frustrated with the whole online dating thing, but Tammye and I remained Facebook friends. I watched her posts and the events she attended, she captured my attention. In one of her posts, she mentioned Italian food, I told her about a great spot for real Sicilian lasagna, and Tammye said “All you have to do is ask”. The date was set, June 15^th at 6:30pm. She was late, one of my pet peeves. I ordered for her.  She texted me when she arrived in the parking lot and I went out to meet her. As I waited to greet her, in my mind I saw her float above the ground, wearing a long white dress [come to find out it was a short black & white polka dot one] it was as if I had known her all my life.

I knew the moment I saw her I had found the one, I proposed on December 30, 2010. She said ‘Yes’ ~ three times. I never want to be without her. We have everything in common. She is my life mate.

She Said:

In December of 2009, out of sheer frustration, I joined an online dating site. I had just set up my Facebook account and one of their sister sites was Zoosk. I was dutiful and filled out the questionnaire, trying to be thorough yet interesting. Just let me say, you have to go through a lot of frogs before you find you find your prince. Having deleted my way through a few dozen or so gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, there was only one man that stood out, Scott. I was very hesitant, but we made plans to meet for coffee. Call it a mid-life crisis, but at the time I was determined to experience all those things that I didn’t have time for or money for in the past. I had recently taken up Kick boxing lessons, and a few days prior to our meeting, I took a punch to the eye. A swollen, black-purple-and-blue eyeball never makes a good first impression, so I cancelled. Scott and I never rescheduled the coffee meet up, however we remained Facebook friends for 6 months. In May of 2010, having found out it was my birthday, Scott invited me to dinner. We made plans to meet once again. This time the date was kept. We have been inseparable ever since. He means absolutely everything to me.

Scott and I just celebrated our one year anniversary; we are engaged and will be wed in March 2012. You really can find love online!

Congratulations to Tammye and Scott, our Cyber Love Story of the Week.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Online Dating – Is Honesty the Best Policy?

I recently attended a swanky party in Beverly Hills and met a lovely single woman who said she had to talk to me about her online dating profile. Naturally, I was ready to hear what her secret was.

She boasted about how she had written the most creative and best profile of anyone on Match.com. She went into great details about how she listed everything that was unacceptable in a man and that if he had any of these personality traits, they shouldn’t bother writing to her.

After listening to her enthusiasm about a profile filled with negativity, I asked the million dollar question, “Did you lie about your age?” Her response was an immediate yes. She claimed, as many singles do, that she looked so much younger than her real age and took six years off her age to fit into a search. When I asked her how long she had been looking for love online, she responded that she hadn’t been in a relationship for six years.

Obviously her personal digital marketing plan wasn’t working. She had never been married and was almost 60 years old. She agreed to a critique and was ready for some dating tips.

Sure, she went to one of the top dermatologists in town. Sure, she wore designer labels and dressed to impress the women who would recognize them. At the end of the day, she was inauthentic and still single.

I offered to critique her profile and made some subtle changes. She listed her dream life, one where she wanted a man to financially support her and proudly claimed she was high maintenance. It wasn’t the life she was living yet, and her inbox wasn’t filled with male suitors ready to sign up. She stated in her first sentence that she was great looking. Men are visual. They will decide upon viewing your profile photo if they are attracted to you or not. Stating it in the first sentence appeared conceited to most men who viewed her photo and most of them moved on.

I share these true stories with you because authenticity is sexy. Being authentic translates to being confident and happy. Where you are now is just fine. Keep your dreams, but portray yourself in your profile as approachable, realistic and human. I encourage all of you who feel you need to lie in your profile about your age, weight, or financial status to toss that belief out the digital window. You are just perfect, the way you are. It’s time for some truth-in-advertising and for you to really find love online.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira

Online Dating is More than Just Socially Acceptable

There’s seems to be no shortage of ways to find love. Last night, I was reading an article on Inc.com written by Tim Donnelly. Tim listed online dating and matchmaking as one of the best industries in 2011 for starting a business. Apparently everyone is joining in on the digital dating bandwagon.

According to the numbers from IBISWorld, there are 14,427 online dating and matchmaking sites in the United States. Cyber-Dating Expert, formed in 2008 is proud to one of them, helping singles create irresistible profile and find dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Back in the early days of online dating, 15-20 years ago, you didn’t brag about. It’s only been in the past few years that the surge of online dating for the masses has become socially acceptable. Sites are popping up daily, and if you’re single and are on facebook, there’s a great likelihood that you’ve also signed up for one of the thousands of Internet dating sites.

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear another success couple which I enjoy featuring in the Cyber Love Story of the Week. But dating is a numbers game. You have to play to win. You also may need to widen your search to consider dating someone older or younger, and even change the radius of your search to meet someone in another city or country. I encourage you to change your zip code while traveling for vacation or business and to be open to the possibilities. There are over 96 million singles in the United States and over 116 million singles visiting online dating sites worldwide. There’s no excuse anymore. There are great singles out there finding love online. It’s time to dip your toe in and sign up for an online dating site.

Julie Spira is bestselling author an online dating expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert

Donating Love and Support to Japan – Find Love and Donate

If you’re like me, you’re probably emotionally devastated just watching the videos from the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear blast in Japan.

I have been a visitor to Japan prior to this tragedy and found the country to be so beautiful and it was one of my most memorable trips, ever.

To show support for the victims of Japan, I will be donating 50% of my online dating coaching fees for services that are paid through the end of March. I’ll help you find love and you can help support the American Red Cross fund for the Japan Earthquake and Pacific Tsunami. It’s a win-win.

Help me help those in need this week. Your support means so much to those suffering in Japan and I know together we can raise thousands of dollars for the cause.

Click here to Sign up for Irresistible Profiles.

The Flirt – Review and critique of your existing profile  ($125 will be donated to the American Red Cross)

Going Steady – Brand new irresistible profile, complete with a catchy screen name and one personalized search ($247.50 will be donated to the American Red Cross)

Totally in Love – All of the above plus an autographed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and 30 days of Unlimited email support  ($397.50 will be donated to the American Red Cross)

Click here for a straight donation to the American Red Cross.

Thank you from the bottom on my heart.

Julie Spira – Cyber-Dating Expert – Dating in a Web 2.0 World

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Kristina and Tom

Kristina was on Match.com for about four weeks when she met Tom.

“I had been messaging with a few other guys and met only one other in person. When I received Tom’s first message I just had to respond,” said Kristina.

Tom’s message read something like this:

“Hi, I am looking for a good looking girl who doesn’t talk, has lots of ex-boyfriend drama and only eats salad at dinner. From your picture I see you are good looking and noticed you are a Mets fan, which is a bonus. Let me know if you are interested. If not, good luck in life and stuff. –TOM”

“When I clicked onto his profile his main quote said, “Three Words: NO BACK HAIR.” I have a weakness for cute, funny guys and he had me at that. Then I went on to read his absolutely ridiculous bio which was all made up, but very well written! I was laughing so hard and messaged him back right away,” added Kristina.

Their relationship worked right from the beginning and instantly clicked. The two were engaged nine months from their first date. Tom’s proposal was perfect and sentimental.

“The beach had always played an important role in my family’s life from the time my parents met at Jones Beach in the 1976,” said Kristina.

She added, “My father passed away on July 25, 1996. The year following his death, we held a memorial service for him at the beach where he would fish every weekend.  On July 25, 2009, my mom, stepdad, my brother, his girlfriend, Tom and I went to the same beach where my dad fished so we can share the moment with them.”

Little did she know, but Tom had a marriage proposal all planned out and the moment her mom said, “let me get a picture of you two,” that was his cue to get on one knee. Tom began his proposal with, “I know you wanted your family to be here for this moment and I wanted to make sure your dad was a part of it as well.” He then continued to say, “so, do you want to do this?”

Kristina and Tom will be getting married on July 22, 2011—the exact date her parents would have been celebrating their 33^rd wedding anniversary.

Congratulations to Kristina and Tom, our Cyber Love Story of the Week couple who found love online on Match.com

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Read More Cyber Love Stories>>>

New Year, New Online Dating Profile

It’s the New Year’s resolution for many singles. You make a commitment to making finding love a priority. Perhaps you had a lonely New Year’s or the thought of Valentine’s Day will result in singles taking action with their love lives.

As good as the intentions are, like many resolutions, after a few weeks it moves down on the list of daily activities. I’m here to let you know that now is the time for you to revisit online dating and more specifically, create a new irresistible online dating profile.

Why should this stay on the top of your list? Forget the holiday pressures and red candy hearts. The period from New Year’s through Valentine’s Day is when singles will either join an online dating site for the first time, or renew their membership. Just like refreshing your Facebook profile with new photos and new updates, you need to keep your online dating profile fresh instead of the stagnant profile you once had.

Here are some easy-to-follow and keep New Year’s resolutions for singles looking for love online:

1. Narrow down your search. Do your friends complain that you are too picky? Have they stopped fixing you up? There’s nothing wrong with knowing exactly what you want in a relationship. Remember, no one really gets it all. We are an imperfect society. Make a list of what is most important to you. Number it from 1-10. Now, focus on the first 3 items on your list. Is it Religion? Bicycling? Hiking? Strolling through museums? Put those key words in your search. You might be delighted to see who pops up.

2.  Reach out and reconnect. Did you get too busy during the year and miss out on meeting someone you started to communicate with online? Take a look in your Inbox and see if they still have an active online dating profile.   Reach out and send an email with a simple, “Happy New Year.” If their profile is still online, assume they haven’t met “the one” yet. It may be a time for a new beginning for both of you.

3.  Refresh your profile. If you are satisfied with the online dating profile you currently have, change the order of your sentences or add something new and exciting that you’re looking forward to doing. Perhaps it’s an upcoming vacation or seeing one of your favorite bands in concert. As a result,  your profile will become refreshed and chances are will show up higher in a search.

If you need some extra handholding, I will work with you privately to create an irresistible online dating profile complete with a catchy screen name to stand out in the crowded digital playing field. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for more details or contact me at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Let’s make this year the one you really find the love you are looking for.

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Vanessa and Ray

Vanessa moved from the east coast to the suburbs of Houston a few years ago.  She wanted to meet new and interesting people, but was too busy with her job at NASA and didn’t have time to enter the dating scene.

Based upon recommendations from friends, she joined the online dating site BlackPeopleMeet.com as a free member. When she saw Ray’s profile, she decided to upgrade her membership immediately to meet him.

She sent Ray, a foster parent, an email introduction. Ray responded and the communication began.

During their first lunch date, they quickly realized that they both had a lot in common. Both Vanessa and Ray had children from their previous marriages. They also both enjoyed crossword puzzles and exercising.

The two easily blended their families together and two years after their first online date, they were married.

Congratulations to Vanessa and Ray who found love online on BlackPeopleMeet.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Read More Cyber Love Stories>>>

Next Page »