With all of the frenzy and constantly updating stories of the Manti Te’o hoax, I was invited to appear on Good Day LA with Steve Edwards and Robin Sax. If you missed the segment, you can watch it now to learn the signs of an online dating hoax and find out how to find love online.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
With many new singles and especially boomers joining online dating sites for the first time, the process can be overwhelming at times. Add to it the thousands of newer, niche online dating sites that have popped up including dating men with a mustache to finding singles who ride subways, it’s time to put a few new rules on the table.
In a recent issue of Bottom Line Personal magazine, I wrote an in-depth article on how to avoid the most common mistakes that Internet daters in their 40s to 60s make; resulting in either a bad experience with online dating or getting stuck in the serial dating syndrome.
Here are ten tips to consider while looking for love online.
1. Leave the novel behind. Too often I see profiles that resemble a novel rather than a brief peek at your personality. The word count is so high that it’s a huge turn-off to daters. When in doubt, keep your profile short and don’t focus on your entire life story.
2. Don’t expect instant chemistry. When I work with both single men and women, it’s hard to get them to look past the photos. Sure we all have a “type.” Some prefer blondes, others brunettes. But if you don’t have instant email chemistry, don’t toss your online date away. Many men just aren’t computer savvy and don’t “give good emails.” Hop on a phone call to see if there’s phone chemistry. If so, put a date on the calendar. It’s time to meet in-real-life.
3. Be careful of the instant relationship. The need to love and be loved is so powerful, that often singles project to the future too fast. As soon as you think he or she may be the one, it may already be over. Avoid rushing to become relationship exclusive after one or two dates. The best things in life are worth waiting for and the courting phase is one you’ll want to remember, not rush into.
4. Talk about your life together. Rather than describing your perfect personality, let potential dates get a glimpse into what their life would be like if they were your partner. Describe interesting things that you can do together and your date will be able to imagine themselves in your life, as well as in your arms.
5. Don’t be a downer. Don’t be too judgmental or you will appear like a Debbie or Donny Downer. Leave the negative adjectives out of your profile and focus on more positive statements.
6. Don’t post too many family photos. Having strong family values is looked upon as a positive trait. Even if your kids are on your Facebook profile, your children or grandchildren shouldn’t be exploited on your dating profile. Do mention however, how important they are to you.
7. Leave the cleavage behind. We know that men undress you with their eyes, but do you need to show sexy shots to get their attention? I say no. Showing too much cleavage will make him assume you’ve got bedroom eyes and might not be worth more than a hook-up.
8. Keep your personal information private. We know it’s rare to get to a second or third date. With that in mind, don’t give out your home phone number or work email address. The last thing you’ll want is a jilted digital date showing up on your doorstep; or worse, a cyber-stalker. I recommend visiting Google and creating a Gmail account for dating along free Google voice account. You’ll get a unique phone number, which you can change. If you need to block someone who is harassing you, it’s easier than changing your mobile phone number.
9. Leave the ex behind. Often singles get nervous on a first date. Unlike a job interview, they haven’t practiced their list of questions to master the date. As a result, falling back on asking questions about his or her previous relationships or marriages will take you down a path you’ll wish you hadn’t brought up. If you’re asked about your ex, just tell your date that you’d prefer not discussing it on a first date and change the subject.
10. Attend offline events to meet the online crush. Online daters are going back to the basics and going offline to group dating events. You’ll know that everyone there is looking for a relationship, so approaching someone should be easier. Online dating sites such as Match.com and MeetMoi have fun events. Visit meetup.com and find events for like-minded singles and go out into the real world.
At the end of the digital day, millions of singles are flocking to Internet dating sites. You may be looking for the needle in the haystack, but you’ve got a big digital playground to play in.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and relationship coach. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking or Love Online. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Online dating is much like panning for gold – often, there’s a lot to filter through before anything of value turns up. Key attributes of successful daters include having an open mind and a dedication to what can be a longer process than anticipated.
Passing the various milestones on the way to that special relationship can sometimes also require a little ingenuity and a lot of originality.
The ‘delete’ button can be quick and merciless, so it’s important to think carefully before sending your initial email.
Our friends at eHarmony Canada offer Cyber Dating Expert readers these 6 tips to finding love online in this week’s guest post.
1. Seek out the wheat.
Some in the online dating world complain that the only messages they receive are from undesirable people or those who are not within their search parameters. If this is the case, a simple remedy is to actively seeking out profiles which fit your criteria. Don’t be afraid to write the first message – passivity is a big no-no in the Internet dating world. The competition is fierce and there’s little reward for those who are meek.
2. Take time to read profiles.
Showing that you’ve actually read through someone’s profile is always a good start. Well-respected dating sites such as eHarmony report that messages which include phrases such as ‘good taste’ and ‘you mention’ tend to get high response rates. This is because of the simple fact that they make the recipient feel interesting.
Try and mirror the way a person writes – whether they’re wry, eccentric, earnest or intellectual. Don’t fake it though – if you struggle to think like someone else, they’re probably not a very suitable match.
3. When and when not to compliment.
Compliments aren’t always good. One of the biggest mistakes made in online dating is to compliment someone on their physical appearance. People want to feel like they’re more than just their looks. Instead, compliment them on something that they’ve written or done
4. Keep it short and sweet.
Messages that are overly long can be difficult to reply to. Instead, send no more than three or four sentences while you get to know someone. One of these should ask the recipient a question to encourage a response.
5. No obligation to write back.
It’s important to remember that there are no obligations to reply to every email in online dating. If an in-built sense of courtesy requires that you do write back, keep the message short and to the point. If you don’t want to receive further messages, say that and wish them the best of luck with their search. Trying to take the sting out of a rejection only confuses things.
6. Don’t take it personally
Even the most excellent communication can fall apart. If someone you thought you were building a relationship stops messaging you, don’t blame yourself. People drop out of online dating sites for any number of reasons. As is frequently said, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.
Need a little help with your online dating profile? Online Dating Expert Julie Spira creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
You’ll be sitting in outdoor cafes, dressing without your winter wardrobe, and we’ll help you with your flirting skills to attract and magnetize the man or woman of your dreams and teach you the tips to keep him or her interested.
I know it may seem to good to be true. Maybe you don’t believe in soul mates anymore, but if you had the opportunity to hear from 40 of the leading experts about love, wouldn’t you take a moment from your busy work schedule to listen in?
I’m super-excited to let you know that I’ll be teaching singles the secrets to finding love online on July 13, 2012, but before that, take a look at the incredible relationship experts in the Magnetizing Love series. You can still have the opportunity to listen to each and everyone of us.
Some of the dating and relationship experts include Arielle Ford, Dr. Pat Allen, Orna and Matthew Walters, Mary Morrissey, and more.
Click here for more details and let’s make this your summer of love. Let this be the summer for you to remember.
Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and coaches singles on finding love on the Internet. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates irresistible profiles for singles who are looking for a serious relationship. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
After 15 years of marriage, Dabney was ready to start dating again. She created a profile on Match.com and went on just five lunch dates.
When she first spoke to Vic, the two had instant phone chemistry. Vic had his list of questions that he asked all prospective dates. Dabney passed the test with flying colors.
When the two finally met in person, they were both delighted that the phone chemistry matched their feelings in-real-life. Vic went to hold Dabney’s hand and she pulled back in surprise. Vic asked Dabney, “Did you feel that?” Dabney tells us, “It was electric.”
Dabney and Vic were fortunate to have felt a spiritual and soulful connection on their first date. Five years later, during a vacation in the Florida Keys, Vic proposed to Dabney. Dabney, of course said “Yes!”
Congratulations to Dabney and Vic, who prove that you can have a second chance at love while looking for love online.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is an online dating, netiquette and cyber-relations expert. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt. Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
I am stuck. I am 51-year old female who’s only had about 3 dates since my divorce 5 years ago.I am reasonably attractive, personable smart, intelligent and a good listener–but am very shy about putting myself out there again.
However, I lack confidence in my ability to attract a man.
I recently relocated back to my hometown after being gone for 20 years–and well, everyone is married.
I was one of the many displaced in the recession and have been searching for work–with limited success–for a while now and keep thinking I need to get that part of my life settled before I date. Is that true?
Where does the over-50 crowd go to find dates with someone young at heart? I don’t drink so don’t spend much time in bars.
Signed Lonely in MKE
Dear Lonely in MKE,
I know how frustrating this is to have to start life over and start dating after a divorce. You’re back in your old city, but with a whole new group of rules. It’s hard when your friends are all married and think in even numbers.
First, the good news, is there are more avenues to meet quality single men when your friends aren’t fixing you up anymore. Just this week a research study was released showing that online dating is now the second most popular way to meet singles, after personal introductions from friends and friends-of-friends.
Second, since you’re the new kid back in town, and you should be asking everyone to fix you up. Don’t get frustrated when you hear they don’t know anyone. Keep asking. My mother always told me that good men become available, either when their wives or girlfriends don’t appreciate them, or if they lose a spouse to death. These guys don’t stay available for too long. There’s always a window for them and they do want to reconnect and not be alone.
Third, yes, you need to find a job now, but think about casting a wide net while you’re looking for your dream job. While you’re meeting people and talking to potential companies, you might be making a new friend, meeting interesting co-workers, or even find someone to introduce you to a friend of theirs. You need to expand your social and business network outside of just your married friends, and there’s no better way to do than than online.
I speak with men all the time over 50. Boomer dating is growing in popularity. They are just as frustrated as you are. A recent Match study on Singles in America, showed that men have a strong desire for a serious and intimate relationship as they get older. With Valentine’s around the corner, singles really are looking to connect, and for meaningful relationships. So, grab your computer, log onto an online dating site and create your profile. You’ll be listed as “new” and will get more men looking at your profile. Don’t be afraid to initiate contact. Look at who has viewed your profile and reach out and say hello.
Wishing you much love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Do you have a dating question? Newly single? Send us your online dating questions and find out about our dating coaching programs and Irresistible Online Dating Profiles.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, Sign up for our Weekly Flirt, Like us on Facebook and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Are you ready to change your zip code to find love online?
Our friends at Chemistry.com have announced their Top 10 list of cities where you’re more likely to find a sensitive man.
Most of the cities on the list are on the east coast, except for Nashville, Indianapolis, and West Hollywood.
Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry’s Chief Scientific Officer and a former featured guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show said, ”Men do have a sensitive side.” Fisher added, ‘They want to please. They want to do the “right” thing.
The Top 10 list includes:
1. Popmano Beach, FL
2. Roanoke, VA
3. West Hollywood, CA
4. Nashville, TN
5. Buffalo, NY
6. Sarasota, FL
7. Greenville, SC
8. Wilmington, NC
9. Indianapolis, IN
10. Staten Island, NY
Ready to dive in and find a sensitive man? Click here to sign up and remember to share your online dating stories at CyberDatingExpert.com.
Full article @Chemistry Blog
There’s no doubt about it, that online dating allows you to cast a very wide net. You can easily change your zip code to a new city when you’re traveling to meet single men or women to find love online in another city. (Yes, I’ve done this myself).
If you’ve just moved and are the new face in town, chances are you don’t have a social network to rely on. This is where Internet dating can become your best digital friend.
Take for example, our Cyber Love Story couple, Sophie and Greg who met on JDate. Sophie was from Paris. Greg resided in Los Angeles. After 5-months of corresponding online, the two met. They had a whirlwind romance and were married in eight months. Sophie happily relocated to Los Angeles.
On Catholic Match, success couple John and Krystina didn’t let distance get in the way. John had just relocated to Michigan. He had hoped to meet someone close to home, but fell in love with Krystina, who resided in Massachusetts. Eighteen months later, the couple became engaged.
Recently, I was interviewed for an article on Match.com for dating advice magazine, Happen. In the article, Love: Make Your Move on how to find love online and offline when you move to a new city, I provided some tips for those who are willing to widen their search or have just relocated to a new city.
Online Dating Profile Makeover tips
“You should overhaul your online dating profile every few months. This is especially the case when you’re moving to a new city. Add some recent photos and start your ‘About Me’ section with something like, “I’ve just relocated from Chicago and am new in town.”
Offline Dating Strategy
Don’t forget your off-line strategies, says Julie Spira (www.cyberdatingexpert.com), a Los Angeles author, blogger and public speaker. “Introduce yourself to your neighbors and let them know that you’re single,” she suggests. “Find clubs and activities that match your interests and join them.”
Would you move for love? Are you presently in a long-distance relationship with someone you met online?
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and coach. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories.
This week’s Cyber Love Story of the Week is one where I’m proud to share, as I’ve known Tammye for over a year. Find out how an online flirt, initiated by Tammye, followed by her cancelling the date, eventually led to a marriage proposal. Here’s the story of Tammye and Scott.
I had been dating online for about a year. If there was no connection, I just moved on. Most profiles and pictures were a lie and I was ready to give up on the entire process. I have never been one to go to bars, so dating online was my only real option. I had put a 25 mile limit on my search radius. Somehow Tammye came up within that search. She sent me a flirt. Tammye was 25.9 miles away, although she was just outside my criteria, I was impressed by her profile. She was articulate and I liked that. I answered the flirt. We set up plans to meet for coffee. Tammye cancelled [I still swear that she said due to a spider bite on her face]. That was my final straw … I was done. I was frustrated with the whole online dating thing, but Tammye and I remained Facebook friends. I watched her posts and the events she attended, she captured my attention. In one of her posts, she mentioned Italian food, I told her about a great spot for real Sicilian lasagna, and Tammye said “All you have to do is ask”. The date was set, June 15th at 6:30pm. She was late, one of my pet peeves. I ordered for her. She texted me when she arrived in the parking lot and I went out to meet her. As I waited to greet her, in my mind I saw her float above the ground, wearing a long white dress [come to find out it was a short black & white polka dot one] it was as if I had known her all my life.
I knew the moment I saw her I had found the one, I proposed on December 30, 2010. She said ‘Yes’ ~ three times. I never want to be without her. We have everything in common. She is my life mate.
In December of 2009, out of sheer frustration, I joined an online dating site. I had just set up my Facebook account and one of their sister sites was Zoosk. I was dutiful and filled out the questionnaire, trying to be thorough yet interesting. Just let me say, you have to go through a lot of frogs before you find you find your prince. Having deleted my way through a few dozen or so gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, there was only one man that stood out, Scott. I was very hesitant, but we made plans to meet for coffee. Call it a mid-life crisis, but at the time I was determined to experience all those things that I didn’t have time for or money for in the past. I had recently taken up Kick boxing lessons, and a few days prior to our meeting, I took a punch to the eye. A swollen, black-purple-and-blue eyeball never makes a good first impression, so I cancelled. Scott and I never rescheduled the coffee meet up, however we remained Facebook friends for 6 months. In May of 2010, having found out it was my birthday, Scott invited me to dinner. We made plans to meet once again. This time the date was kept. We have been inseparable ever since. He means absolutely everything to me.
Scott and I just celebrated our one year anniversary; we are engaged and will be wed in March 2012. You really can find love online!
Congratulations to Tammye and Scott, our Cyber Love Story of the Week.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
I recently attended a swanky party in Beverly Hills and met a lovely single woman who said she had to talk to me about her online dating profile. Naturally, I was ready to hear what her secret was.
She boasted about how she had written the most creative and best profile of anyone on Match.com. She went into great details about how she listed everything that was unacceptable in a man and that if he had any of these personality traits, they shouldn’t bother writing to her.
After listening to her enthusiasm about a profile filled with negativity, I asked the million dollar question, “Did you lie about your age?” Her response was an immediate yes. She claimed, as many singles do, that she looked so much younger than her real age and took six years off her age to fit into a search. When I asked her how long she had been looking for love online, she responded that she hadn’t been in a relationship for six years.
Obviously her personal digital marketing plan wasn’t working. She had never been married and was almost 60 years old. She agreed to a critique and was ready for some dating tips.
Sure, she went to one of the top dermatologists in town. Sure, she wore designer labels and dressed to impress the women who would recognize them. At the end of the day, she was inauthentic and still single.
I offered to critique her profile and made some subtle changes. She listed her dream life, one where she wanted a man to financially support her and proudly claimed she was high maintenance. It wasn’t the life she was living yet, and her inbox wasn’t filled with male suitors ready to sign up. She stated in her first sentence that she was great looking. Men are visual. They will decide upon viewing your profile photo if they are attracted to you or not. Stating it in the first sentence appeared conceited to most men who viewed her photo and most of them moved on.
I share these true stories with you because authenticity is sexy. Being authentic translates to being confident and happy. Where you are now is just fine. Keep your dreams, but portray yourself in your profile as approachable, realistic and human. I encourage all of you who feel you need to lie in your profile about your age, weight, or financial status to toss that belief out the digital window. You are just perfect, the way you are. It’s time for some truth-in-advertising and for you to really find love online.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira