Don’t walk, but run to your nearest newsstand to pick up a copy of the first issue in 2013 of Men’s Health magazine.
We know that guys have a list of New Year’s resolutions on how to look better, feel stronger, and even get the girl.
It’s an honor to be quoted on page 116 in Catch Her Clicks to help guys be more successful with online dating in time for Valentine’s Day.
In the January/February issue of Men’s Health magazine, you’ll find the following:
CATCH HER CLICKS
One in five couples now meet online, reports a 2012 study in the American Sociological Review. Add keywords (“sushi,” “jazz”) to your profile so women searching for the words find you, advises dating expert, Julie Spira.
This holds true for the ladies as well, so it’s time to ramp up your online dating search.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Meet Nicole and Gerald from Chesapeake, VA, who met just over 6 years ago on eHarmony.
If you haven’t heard the big news, this romantic couple will be getting married on New Year’s Day on the 2013 Rose Parade as they cruise through Pasadena on the Farmers Insurance “Love Float.”
Although Nicole and Gerald went to the same high school in Virginia, Gerald didn’t know that Nicole had a secret crush on him. Ten years later, they were matched on eHarmony, when they gave online dating a try.
Gerald said he knew Nicole was the one for him on their first date, as she walked into the room and gave him a big hug. Nicole loves the fact that Gerald loves her and accepts her for who she is.
Nicole and Gerald were voted in in the Farmers Insurance Dream Wedding promotion. You can watch them get married in front of 52 million television viewers at the 2013 Rose Parade on New Year’s Day.
Congratulations to Nicole and Gerald, our Cyber Love Story of the Week who will be starting their lives together as a married couple in a wedding to remember.
It’s peak season for Internet dating. Will Nicole and Gerald be an inspiration to you, that you too, can find love on the Internet?
Share your Cyber Love Story with us!
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and Follow @JulieSpira.
It was a joy and honor to be a guest with Marc Cohen and Marsha Collier on Computer & Technology Radio Show to talk about the latest trends in online dating.
From niche sites such as Farmer’s Only and Stache Passions to household names of eHarmony, OkCupid, and Match.com, find out which singles are really logging into Internet dating sites. We also talked about the huge trend of mobile dating, which is becoming more-and-more popular every day.
If you’re looking for a date for the holidays, find out the best ways to create an irresistible profile worth catching his or her eye.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the host of Online Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
With many new singles and especially boomers joining online dating sites for the first time, the process can be overwhelming at times. Add to it the thousands of newer, niche online dating sites that have popped up including dating men with a mustache to finding singles who ride subways, it’s time to put a few new rules on the table.
In a recent issue of Bottom Line Personal magazine, I wrote an in-depth article on how to avoid the most common mistakes that Internet daters in their 40s to 60s make; resulting in either a bad experience with online dating or getting stuck in the serial dating syndrome.
Here are ten tips to consider while looking for love online.
1. Leave the novel behind. Too often I see profiles that resemble a novel rather than a brief peek at your personality. The word count is so high that it’s a huge turn-off to daters. When in doubt, keep your profile short and don’t focus on your entire life story.
2. Don’t expect instant chemistry. When I work with both single men and women, it’s hard to get them to look past the photos. Sure we all have a “type.” Some prefer blondes, others brunettes. But if you don’t have instant email chemistry, don’t toss your online date away. Many men just aren’t computer savvy and don’t “give good emails.” Hop on a phone call to see if there’s phone chemistry. If so, put a date on the calendar. It’s time to meet in-real-life.
3. Be careful of the instant relationship. The need to love and be loved is so powerful, that often singles project to the future too fast. As soon as you think he or she may be the one, it may already be over. Avoid rushing to become relationship exclusive after one or two dates. The best things in life are worth waiting for and the courting phase is one you’ll want to remember, not rush into.
4. Talk about your life together. Rather than describing your perfect personality, let potential dates get a glimpse into what their life would be like if they were your partner. Describe interesting things that you can do together and your date will be able to imagine themselves in your life, as well as in your arms.
5. Don’t be a downer. Don’t be too judgmental or you will appear like a Debbie or Donny Downer. Leave the negative adjectives out of your profile and focus on more positive statements.
6. Don’t post too many family photos. Having strong family values is looked upon as a positive trait. Even if your kids are on your Facebook profile, your children or grandchildren shouldn’t be exploited on your dating profile. Do mention however, how important they are to you.
7. Leave the cleavage behind. We know that men undress you with their eyes, but do you need to show sexy shots to get their attention? I say no. Showing too much cleavage will make him assume you’ve got bedroom eyes and might not be worth more than a hook-up.
8. Keep your personal information private. We know it’s rare to get to a second or third date. With that in mind, don’t give out your home phone number or work email address. The last thing you’ll want is a jilted digital date showing up on your doorstep; or worse, a cyber-stalker. I recommend visiting Google and creating a Gmail account for dating along free Google voice account. You’ll get a unique phone number, which you can change. If you need to block someone who is harassing you, it’s easier than changing your mobile phone number.
9. Leave the ex behind. Often singles get nervous on a first date. Unlike a job interview, they haven’t practiced their list of questions to master the date. As a result, falling back on asking questions about his or her previous relationships or marriages will take you down a path you’ll wish you hadn’t brought up. If you’re asked about your ex, just tell your date that you’d prefer not discussing it on a first date and change the subject.
10. Attend offline events to meet the online crush. Online daters are going back to the basics and going offline to group dating events. You’ll know that everyone there is looking for a relationship, so approaching someone should be easier. Online dating sites such as Match.com and MeetMoi have fun events. Visit meetup.com and find events for like-minded singles and go out into the real world.
At the end of the digital day, millions of singles are flocking to Internet dating sites. You may be looking for the needle in the haystack, but you’ve got a big digital playground to play in.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and relationship coach. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking or Love Online. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
The Thanksgiving edition of the Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now available for your reading pleasure.
With over 200 million people worldwide looking for love online, it becomes a crowded digital marketplace. Singles want to find a meaningful connection and often find themselves with an unexpected shopping cart mentality. It often can’t be helped as online dating is a numbers game.
As an online dating expert, I hear from both men and women who want to connect with more people, more quickly. But is more always better and can this expedited way of connecting actually backfire on you? I say yes.
When *Jim, a successful guy in his 40s came to me frustrated with Internet dating and was ready to finally settle down, he wanted to use the “wink” feature on Match.com. He felt that he was a good catch and the women would be thrilled to receive his winks. I disagreed.
A wink, flirt, poke, or anything that is not engaging is like old-fashioned broadcasting. It’s unilateral and frankly, quite lazy. In the time that Jim could carve out to wink to 100 potential women waiting for 10% to return the wink, he could have crafted a personalized email to 10 women that would have made a difference. Sure these features make it easy to be fun and flirty, but a serious woman, the kind of woman who was beautiful inside and out and also wanted to settle down and find a meaningful relationship, wouldn’t settle for just a wink or a canned introduction. Would you? Jim shifted his technique and in the third month of his membership, he met a woman that he decided to date exclusively. She wasn’t the recipient of one of his winks.
Sure winks can come in handy. Take *Jane for instance. She’s never been married and is adorable. She noticed that *Mike had viewed her profile and thought she’d like to meet him. She wondered why Mike hadn’t written to her after viewing her profile, so she sent him a flirty wink and went her merry digital way. Mike recognized Jill’s profile and hadn’t written to her as she specifically said she wasn’t interested in meeting someone with children. Jill had hoped to find someone to have a family with and didn’t think being a step-mother to three girls fit in with her plan. Mike winked back and the two have been together for several years now, where Jill now adores Mike’s children.
Does this mean that a woman can wink to a man to give him the cue that she’s interested, but a man can’t wink at a woman as she’ll find his behavior lazy?
Online dating, or any type of dating for that matter, has a double-standard. Men like to pursue women. Women like to be courted. At the end of the digital day, when in doubt, I say don’t wink. Take the time and effort to put into a smaller group of people who you think you have enough in common with to warrant a conversation, both online and offline.
Do you or don’t you wink? Do you think it’s gender specific?
Your comments and thoughts are welcome.
Photo Credit: © kebox – Fotolia.com
*Names have been changed
Julie Spira is top online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
I’m often asked what’s the best dating site by singles that I meet and coach. While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer there are a few favorite Internet dating sites that I’ve been recommending. OkCupid is clearly one of my Top 5 favorites. Their mobile app, Ok Locals was included in the recent Mobile Dating BootCamp and was favorably received by the single contestants.
So when Britney Fitzgerald from Huffington Post Tech asked me for my opinion on OkCupid Dating No-No’s, I was happy to chime in. I shared not only my professional advice, but also those from the recent Mobile Dating BootCamp focus group which was held last month in Beverly Hills.
A main feature of OkCupid is answering their intriguing and often thought provoking questions. While you’re not judged and you’ll never fail the quiz, the site does give you percentiles for a Match, Friend, and Enemy. Having a match that shows you’re over 80% compatible usually raises some digital eyebrows in a good way and is a terrific ice-breaker to contact someone you might have a crush on.
So without further digital adieu, here are five of the 11 Dos and Don’ts for finding love on OkCupid.
Full article on Huffington Post
1. Don’t Answer all of the Questions
Some questions are best left unanswered. Be careful with those that seem too political or intimate in nature because this data is all over the Internet: You need to think every time you push the send button. For public answers, you should only pick the questions you would tell your mother [the answer to].
2. Don’t Exaggerate
There is a huge difference between fibbing about your height vs. your martial status. Single is single, and divorced is divorced. There is no status for Single–Divorce Pending.
3. Don’t Use Old Profile Pictures
If you’re thinking of putting up a profile pic from 2004 — reconsider. They are going to look you up on Google; they are going to look you up on Facebook. You’re thanked a lot for being recognizable and having truth in the advertising. So skip out on that glamour shot from the ’90s. And men — most of us agree that the muscle shot in front of the bathroom mirror is an automatic “skip.”
4. Don’t Be a Rude Rejector
Just like in real life, there are right and wrong ways to reject someone in the virtual world. I don’t believe in burning digital bridges. Why should you have to email someone and say, “Hey you’re not my type.” Dont say you’re not my type — you haven’t met yet! But if you really aren’t attracted, just move on. Don’t message them back, or simply thank them for the communication and wish them luck in their search.
5. Don’t Check Your Profile Obsessively
OkCupid’s popular free edition of its dating service comes with a few catches, one of which includes people knowing when you check into the site. While possible soulmates won’t know how long you’ve been online, they can view the time you last logged on. It can be very obsessive and dangerous to your emotional health. For example, what if you go on a great date only to realize that 30 minutes after you parted ways, your date accessed the site two more times that night? Take a deep breath and don’t jump to a digital conclusion.
Many thanks to Huffington Post for being included in this terrific article. Click here to read all 11 tips and feel free to chime in with your thoughts.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of online dating and posted her first profile in 1994. Today, Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
By now you’ve probably heard that online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win and should always put your best digital foot forward when you find that special profile that piques your curiosity. What many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may be the favorite of others looking for love online.
I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates — and you can’t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line.
Here are nine dating rules that will help you put a second date on the calendar.
Flirting with disaster
My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It’s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.
Dressing for the Bedroom
Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn’t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you’re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.
Misusing the Food and Beverage Rule
Dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week. If a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you’d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat, but don’t suggest restaurants that are out of your budget. It’s about getting to know someone, not dining at the fanciest restaurant in town with someone you don’t have chemistry with.
Blabbing About the Ex
I’ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.
Using Your iPhone as an Accessory
Sure, you like connecting with others online. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn’t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you’re on a date.
Becoming Facebook Friends Too Fast
Sure you’re excited about your first date, but should you send a Facebook friends request after your first phone call? I say no. If your date does so, resist the urge to accept it. You don’t know how the date will go, and more often than not, you don’t get to a second date. There’s no reason to scrutinize his or her photos hugging someone thinking it’s your competition, when in fact it’s their cousin.
Not Doing Your Homework
Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you’re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she’s actually been married twice before. A man won’t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he’s really a doctor. Print out your date’s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don’t act like this person’s just another number in a series and that you’re too busy dating around to remember individual details.
Assuming Your in an Instant Relationship
Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be “The One,” don’t start talking about your future together right now. It’s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it’s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don’t start filling up someone’s life as the instant girlfriend or boyfriend. You’ll come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life without them. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable.
Don’t Discard the Dating Duds
Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don’t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she’d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you’ve hit the jackpot.
Have you made any of these first date mistakes and regretted it?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert