It’s Complicated – Dating in a Web 2.0 World

Just in time for Valentine’s, Harlequin publishing has released their 2012 Romance Report card with the resulting grade of, “It’s Complicated.”

Marrying both love and technology has both helped speed up relationships and connect through “Missed Connections,” as well as resulted in hurting someone’s digital feelings. I experienced this first-hand, as my ex-fiancé dumped me in an email during the time when a post-it was passé and Facebook was still an infant. Although it’s very old news in my digital book, I’m hoping that others will think twice before they push the send button or consider having their mobile phones rank higher on the totem pole than their sweetheart this Valentine’s Day.

The romance publisher looked at how Twitter, Facebook, Smartphone and technology has changed the way that men and women communicate with one another in matters of the heart. By polling single women 18-40, they found that the majority (58%) thought technology was a positive force in the dating world. Those who skewed younger (21-24 year olds) preferred texting to calling.

Although 91% of those surveyed said that dating rules had become more flexible, their findings showed that more than half of the women still had traditional values as it relates to romance. Women still want men to as them out, hold the door open for them, and pay for the first date. 82% of those surveyed said they preferred dating a guy with a sense of humor. With, or without technology, not much has changed in these areas.

However, Harlequin added in some dating “deal-breakers,” and they found that three out of five were technology-related. Having a too-needy guy was on the top of the list (32%),  followed closely behind with a dependence on a BlackBerry or iPhone (31%), too many Facebook photos with an ex-girlfriend (29%), and those who were grammatically challenged (24%). Oh how simple it really is to untag an ex when you breakup and use spell-check during the digital courtship process. If men knew how easy it was to fix these little things, perhaps more relationships would flourish.

As for those deal-breakers, relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh says, “Men who are addicted to their smart phones may be too disconnected from real world relationships or may have a tech-induced attention-deficit-disorder that could impair kindness and intelligence.” Walsh added, “Men who display too many photos of themselves with their ex’s on Facebook may be showcasing their prior conquests to indicate that they are a player and out for sex rather than love.”

So what do women think is romantic? It’s not the price tag of a gift as much as remembering the small details and showing that you care. At the end of the digital day, romance is alive and well and all you really need is love.

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Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and writes about the marriage of love and technology on Huffington Post. Julie is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette.  Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

It’s Complicated – Film Review

It's Complicated - Photo: Universal Pictures

Why does it always have to be so complicated? In the case of the film written and directed by Nancy Meyers scheduled to open on Christmas day, it was almost predictable.

Meet Jane (played by Meryl Streep) and Jake (played by Alec Baldwin). They’re  the typical middle aged couple from Santa Barbara who got divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Jake married a much younger girl that he had been fooling around with and Jane moved on, or did she?

While at the graduation ceremony of their son in New York, the chemistry they once had reappeared. Suddenly they are having an affair and can’t keep their hands off each other.

Meryl Streep once again plays a perfect role in It’s Complicated. You see her spending a lot of time in the kitchen like she did in Julie and Julia. The writers make a point of mentioning the online dating site Match.com and the film title comes from a relationship status on Facebook. Social media and social dating are now just part of the daily conversations.

Having an appealing film which includes an adulterous affair during the time that Tiger Woods is making the headlines will make singles and couples wonder, are we giving permission for you to stray from your marriage? Is recycling the ex now going to be acceptable?  Is the grass always greener? Was it just the oxytocin or did Jake really want a reconciliation with his wife?

As usual, I enjoy romantic comedies and this one is worth seeing during the Christmas holidays. My favorite scene: Meryl Streep in the kitchen of her gourmet restaurant making chocolate croissants after hours on her date with Steve Martin. My rating: 4/5.

Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com