Cyber Love Links
Links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.
We’ve gone green for St. Patrick’s Day and are feeling slightly crazy with March Madness going on. We couldn’t let the week end without thanking those who have featured us, quoted us, and share the articles we loved and tweeted this week.
A huge thank you to Jen Kirsch for featuring our advice on Canadian Living in 6 Online Dating Tips and Jenna Birch who asked for my two cents worth on YourTango in March Madness Time: 5 Reasons to Date a Girl Who Loves Sports. Very thrilled to appear on StyleList with the Rules of Netiquette for Texting and had a blast on Planet Love Match Radio with Jen and Josh.
Our friends at The Frisky posted the Official Frisky Girl Code of Conduct worth sharing. My friend Rita Watson wrote a beautiful post on Psychology Today, 13 Romantic Ideas for Lovers. Match shared the Cities Luckiest in Love in 2011 and on Woman’s Day, you can read, 10 Things Your Husband’s Friends Won’t Tell You.
Don’t forget, our friends at eHarmony are having their Free Communication Weekend, so you just might have a St. Patrick’s date after all. We’ve officially changed our Facebook page to the new Timeline, so check out our new cover and Like us!
Connect with us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for free dating advice.
Reading Room – Sealing the Deal by Dr. Diana Kirschner
When I had the opportunity to read an advanced copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, I not only jumped at the chance, but I also formally endorsed this relationship book. I believe in Dr. Diana Kirschner’s work. As the Love Mentor, Dr. Diana gives you concrete tools to really help you find and keep the love you are looking for.
You’ll start off by signing a “Lasting Love Contract.” It’s been proven that if you actually write your desires and wishes down and read them, you’ll have a much more likely chance of having them come to fruition. Dr.Diana also instructs you to write down your fears and will help you determine if he’s really “the one.”
I encourage readers to pick up a copy of this book, because we all know that everyone wants to love and be loved. With Dr. Diana’s help, you’ll start believing in the possibilities. Her relationship advice is spot on. Sealing the Deal is a welcome addition to the Cyber Dating Expert Reading Room. Enjoy!
Click here to purchase your copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love
A Mantra for When Love and Friendships End
This week I posted a personal story on Huffington Post, which featured a saying that has helped myself and other loved ones through the pain of the ending of a relationship. Whether through divorce, death, or a relationship that that ran its course, I have used these words over and over again, Every Relationship Serves a Purpose, But is Limited.
15 years ago when I had my heart broken, these were the very words used to console me. Although I was crushed and devastated at the time, these words have carried me through many relationships and I like to pay it forward.
Still teary-eyed, I was told to look at the incredible memories that had been shared, and there were many. I was reminded how I had grown as a person during the time of my romantic relationship. I had learned what deal-breakers I could live with, and which ones I could not. I was told to embrace the happy memories and let the door shut gracefully, so I would be able to allow a better, more compatible relationship into my life. Years later, I share this statement with others on a regular basis. It’s powerful and it’s healing.
I had a romantic fantasy that the one who broke my heart was my sole true love. I thought it would last forever. It lasted for many years and I learned what unconditional love was about, even it if didn’t last forever. Unfortunately in order to experience this type of love, you have to become vulnerable and open your heart.
I had to ask myself, why can’t we look at our romantic relationships as a full-length movie, or something that we could have forever, ’til death do us part? Why are some relationships and friendships just chapters in our lives, and not an entire book?
Within a year after my heartbreak, I got engaged and later married the man who was the next chapter of my life. I thought about my long-lost love for a moment, but I had moved on. I received an email from the guy who broke my heart wishing me the best in my new marriage. I chose to ignore it and close that chapter.
As I’m always one to lend and ear and an opinion in matters of the heart, I have consoled many friends during their heartbreaks. After all, we take our life lessons and pay them forward. I used these exact words, “Every relationship serves a purpose, but it limited” to console many girlfriends who were jolted by the demise of their relationships that prematurely ended either as a death or a divorce, which more often than not felt like death as well. It gave them comfort to hear those words.
What I didn’t realize at the time, as I do now, is how this statement transfers into friendships that abruptly end. When your best friend dumps and discards you, or you have outgrown a relationship and decide to move on, it can be as hurtful as a death or divorce.
One day, a very close girlfriend of 25 years decided to discard me in an email. I was stunned. I was shattered. She had been the maid of honor at my wedding. I held her hand during her divorce. I diligently sent birthday cards to her children every year. Although we lived on separate coasts, we were best friends. It was as close to a sister as I had ever had.
Suddenly, one day in my inbox, I received an angry email, telling me she was done with me. She broke up with me from the stroke of her keyboard. It was a unilateral decision. There was no discussion. It really hurt. I tried to use my own words, “Every relationship serves a purpose, but is limited” to get over it. I realized that she had a history of dismissing people in her life, and then returning back again, as if nothing had happened. It was just my turn.
As a natural instinct and reaction, I thought about defending myself. I remembered all of the ways that I was a devoted friend through the years. I created the list, but never pushed the send button. I didn’t see it coming. I cried for days, and grabbed hold of my very own saying, ‘Every Relationship Serves a Purpose but is limited” once again. I realized that no one has to sign up for a lifetime contract in friendship. You do your best. You live your life through honesty and integrity. Sometimes you just grow apart. You cannot be responsible for someone else’s feeling or behavior. The only person you can be responsible for is yourself.
Yes, there were 20 years of memories, vacations, hand holding, job-hunting, soul searching that we experienced together. I thought it would last forever. It didn’t, but we had a good run.
I look back on the guy who broke my heart and the former best friend who discarded me in an email, and I know I contributed to their lives as they did to mine. Of course I wouldn’t dump a friend in an email, but people do. I frequently tell people to sleep on it when they are about to send an angry email or break up via text message or email. When in doubt send it to yourself before pressing the send button that could hurt another. Sometimes you just have a bad day and outside circumstances may affect your feelings. Quite often you will feel differently in the morning. You can’t take it back.
My mother always says, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” My mother is a wise woman.
Take the time to think about your past relationships and friendships that faded over time. Let the pain and hurt subside and ask yourself, did the relationship serve a purpose, even if it was limited?
Originally posted on Huffington Post
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show – Have I Got a Guy for You with Alix Strauss
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira as she welcomes Alix Strauss, editor of Have I Got a Guy for You: What Really Happens When Mom Fixes You Up
Alix is social satirist and has been a featured lifestyle and trend writer on national morning and talk shows including ABC, CBS, CNN, and The Today Show. Her articles have also appeared in the New York Times, New York Post, Time Magazine, and Marie Claire.
Call in on Saturday, June 5, 2010 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 11am/PT at 646-929-0012 for dating advice and to hear more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
All You Need is Love
Those who are lucky in love sometimes end up in Las Vegas. And while in Vegas, don’t forget to see the Beatles LOVE Cirque du Soleil performance at the Mirage. The production highlights the Beatles and their music. If your plans aren’t taking you to Vegas in the near future, pick up the CD of Love (CD + Audio DVD)
The Oil of Love
It’s been around for ages, but lately there has been a renewed interest in the Kama Sutra Oil of Love
Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?
By Heather Juma
Ladies! Are you looking for “Mr. Right” in all the wrong places? Are you spending your weekends hanging out in the typical bar scene? Hmmm… let’s see is that really the place to meet “Mr. Right”?
I have a better idea for you! Make a list of your hobbies and passions. What do you do in your free time? Love Tennis? You might meet your perfect “match” at the local tennis club. Love wine? Go to wine tastings and join gourmet foodie groups. You get the hint!
Think of all the fun you’ll have meeting lots of other people and making new interesting friends while enjoying your hobbies and passions, that will take your mind off “looking for Mr. Right” and then he’ll probably show up (funny how that works)!
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