Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

We’ve all heard that online dating is a numbers game. 122 million worldwide to be exact according to ComScore’s research.

When we created Jerry’s irresistible profile, [winks, emails, and IMs, oh my!] his response was “OMG, this stuff is like crack!” While we want you to fall in love and give you many tools to do so, we certainly don’t want to create a universe of online dating addicts.

Having too many conversations at once or viewing too many profiles doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful with the process. As a matter of fact, it could actually backfire on you.

The first week your profile is active is always the busiest time.  It then settles down to a more manageable pace. Those who winked at you or flirted with you without a profile are probably not paying members or are not serious about the process, so unless you like their profile, you can just ignore them. If you like the profile, don’t wink or flirt back. Be bold and send an email saying hello. You can even thank them for the wink to let them know you’ve noticed.

I recommended to Jerry that he shouldn’t communicate with more than 5 people at a time. Limiting the ongoing communication will give you the opportunity to get to know someone. If the online conversation goes well, then schedule a phone date.  If you feel like you’re at the dentist’s office where someone is pulling teeth, don’t schedule a date.

I shared my thoughts in the ask the dating experts column on Sparkology on how to politely say you’re not interested.

More often-than-not, online messages are ignored. Don’t start humming to the Nick Lowe song, “You’ve Got to be Cruel to be Kind” if you decide to respond. Say thank you, but add that you don’t feel you have enough in common to pursue a relationship, or let them know if they’re out of your geographic location or age range.

Wishing you much joy and love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Like us at Facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert for more dating advice.

Join online dating expert Julie Spira as she returns to The Tonya Hall Show on KCRN, The Radio Colorado Network on Friday, March 30, 2012. We’ll be talking about social dating, love and romance in a web 2.0 world.

The online dating industry is continuing to grow at rapid speed with thousands of sites to choose from. Julie and Tonya will talk about how to stand out in the crowded digital marketplace and how to embrace mobile dating.

Should you be sending that Facebook friends request to someone you just started dating? Will you talk about searching him or her on Google? Should you send a text message to confirm?

Call in at 855-464-5905 at 8am/pacific time with your questions. We’ll be discussing this and more on The Tonya Hall Show.

It’s official. Logging onto your favorite online dating site from your mobile device now ranks ahead of visiting the traditional web version.

Gone are the days where you had to go home to check your email from your desktop after a long day of work. So grab your iPhone, iPad Android and smartphone and start dating and flirting in-real-time.

Enjoy our mobile dating video and when you get a moment, check out our Top 10 Mobile Dating Apps list.  Feel free to add some of your favorites in the comments.

Question: Are you meeting more singles because of location-based mobile dating apps?

Julie Spira is an online and mobile dating expert. She created her first online dating profile in 1994 and today helps singles on the dating scene by creating their irresistible profiles. For more dating advice, follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Online dating doesn’t mean just signing up for a dating site when you’re single any more. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry filled with mobile apps, dating coaches, and helps both singles find love and couples stay together with ongoing dating tips.

In a pre-Valentine’s Love Goes Digital panel hosted by Kevin Winston of Digital LA, online dating experts and sites discussed dating advice, the growing trend of mobile dating, and how to keep your love alive after the knot has been tied.

Grant Langston, head of social media at eHarmony and an employee of the site since before it’s launch in 2000 shared his experience on the changes their site has gone through. In my personal opinion, I think they have one of the best iPad apps around. The site will shortly be rolling out a new feature for your eHarmony timeline that’s similar to a  Facebook time-line.

Justin Fredericks, founder of Marriage.com, a video network that curates, produces and promotes videos about wedding, marriage, dating, and relationships talked about the new social networking site Pinterest, as it focuses on women.

Jennifer Kelton from Bad Online Dates talked about her mobile strategy, Bad Date TV, and some niche online dating sites.

I shared with the audience how I created my first online dating profile in 1994 as a charter member of Love@Aol, during the days of the dial-up connection. I penned my stories in my first book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and created CyberDatingExpert.com as a place for singles and couples to share their online dating stories. The use of social media on Twitter and Facebook has made a big impact on my brand. I also told singles not to ‘friend’ someone on Facebook before or after a first date. Personally, I think it’s creepy.

The audience was a mixed group of singles, married couples, dating industry executives, love coaches and those who are still looking for love online. We nibbled on chocolate, sipped One Coconut Water, and discussed what you should say or not say in your online dating profile.

At the end of the digital day, most of the audience felt they’d rather keep their love and dating life off of Facebook.

One thing’s for sure. The audience left fully armed with the dos and don’ts of social and online dating in time for Valentine’s Day.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter. If you loved this post, Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for more dating advice.

Just in time for Valentine’s, Harlequin publishing has released their 2012 Romance Report card with the resulting grade of, “It’s Complicated.”

Marrying both love and technology has both helped speed up relationships and connect through “Missed Connections,” as well as resulted in hurting someone’s digital feelings. I experienced this first-hand, as my ex-fiancé dumped me in an email during the time when a post-it was passé and Facebook was still an infant. Although it’s very old news in my digital book, I’m hoping that others will think twice before they push the send button or consider having their mobile phones rank higher on the totem pole than their sweetheart this Valentine’s Day.

The romance publisher looked at how Twitter, Facebook, Smartphone and technology has changed the way that men and women communicate with one another in matters of the heart. By polling single women 18-40, they found that the majority (58%) thought technology was a positive force in the dating world. Those who skewed younger (21-24 year olds) preferred texting to calling.

Although 91% of those surveyed said that dating rules had become more flexible, their findings showed that more than half of the women still had traditional values as it relates to romance. Women still want men to as them out, hold the door open for them, and pay for the first date. 82% of those surveyed said they preferred dating a guy with a sense of humor. With, or without technology, not much has changed in these areas.

However, Harlequin added in some dating “deal-breakers,” and they found that three out of five were technology-related. Having a too-needy guy was on the top of the list (32%),  followed closely behind with a dependence on a BlackBerry or iPhone (31%), too many Facebook photos with an ex-girlfriend (29%), and those who were grammatically challenged (24%). Oh how simple it really is to untag an ex when you breakup and use spell-check during the digital courtship process. If men knew how easy it was to fix these little things, perhaps more relationships would flourish.

As for those deal-breakers, relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh says, “Men who are addicted to their smart phones may be too disconnected from real world relationships or may have a tech-induced attention-deficit-disorder that could impair kindness and intelligence.” Walsh added, “Men who display too many photos of themselves with their ex’s on Facebook may be showcasing their prior conquests to indicate that they are a player and out for sex rather than love.”

So what do women think is romantic? It’s not the price tag of a gift as much as remembering the small details and showing that you care. At the end of the digital day, romance is alive and well and all you really need is love.

View Infographic

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and writes about the marriage of love and technology on Huffington Post. Julie is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette.  Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

How digital is your love life? Come to the Digital LA – Love Goes Digital panel on February 13, 2012,  where we’ll be talking about online and social dating.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

January 31, 2012 — Los Angeles, CA — Julie Spira, bestselling author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online” and a frequent media guest on the subject of online and social dating will be a featured panelist on the first-ever “Love Goes Digital” panel, hosted by Digital LA on February 13, 2012.

Julie will discuss social dating trends, how she helps singles by creating their online dating profiles, and about how she successfully used social media strategies to help her online dating book become a bestseller.

“For our pre-Valentine’s Day Digital LA – Loves Goes Digital panel, we want to celebrate by getting LA’s experts in online dating and love together, to share tips, trends, and success stories in building dating/love related blogs and businesses,” said Kevin Winston, Digital LA founder. “It’s the first time we know of that local dating and love experts have been gathered on a panel in Los Angeles.”

The event will be held at Hotel Shangri-La in Santa Monica, CA

Tickets can be purchased at digitallalove.eventbrite.com

Follow @JulieSpira

Follow @DigitalLA

Full release @1888pressrelease.com

Dating on the fly just got a bit easier.

Our friends at OkCupid have announced OkCupid Locals, a mobile dating app on iOS and Android to help you meet compatible singles more quickly than ever.

With OkCupid locals, you’ll find a blend of a Twitter-like broadcast feature, FourSquare location based feature, and data from the online dating site’s 8-million members.

From connecting at a sports bar to meeting up at a happy hour, simply broadcast your dating intentions and the digital genie will grant your wish with a list of compatible matches closeby.

A service like this will help avoid the weeks and weeks of emailing back-and-forth that many online dating site members feel frustrated with.

There’s no reason to stay dateless in your city anymore.

Are using mobile dating applications or location-based services to meet other singles?  Comments and thoughts are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to learn how to create an irresistible online dating profile.

You may have a high IQ and a smile that makes guys hearts melt, but what happens when your attachment to your mobile phone ranks higher on the totem pole than your date? As July marks National Cell Phone Courtesy Month, it’s time to pause and take notice on how discourteous we’ve become as we continue to spend the majority of our time attached to our smart phones.

According to the International Telecommunications Union, there are an estimated 5.3 billion mobile subscribers worldwide and the number is growing. In addition, 6.1 trillion SMS messages were sent in 2010. It’s no wonder with these numbers that cell phone etiquette, or in reality netiquette is on the decline.

So how does this enormous mobile phone usage affect matters of the heart?

In a recent survey on the relationship between cell phones and dating, social dating community Zoosk found out their members were extremely frustrated as they constantly competed with cell phones on a date. In short, daters are regularly breaking the rules of netiquette in a variety of ways with glancing at their cell phones during a date leading the list.

Alex Mehr, co-founder and co-CEO of Zoosk said,  ”We are surprised to hear that flagrantly reckless cell phone behavior has driven one third of singles to actually get up and excuse themselves from a date altogether. It’s our hope that singles follow proper cell phone etiquette to ensure that a mobile faux pas doesn’t ‘cell’ their date short.”

I’m personally not surprised in the least by their findings, as I’ve gone on record as saying, “Your mobile phone isn’t an accessory.” I believe that unless you’re expecting a call from the President of the United States or a kidney transplant, your should leave it in your purse or pocket while on a date.

So without further digital adieu, here are some of the results of Zoosk survey.

• 1/3 of singles say they left a date early, because the other person was too absorbed with their cell phone
• 86% of singles say, constantly glancing at a cell phone is the  most offensive mobile-related  behavior, worse than sending a text
• 51% of singles think taking a call on a date is offensive
• 25% of female Zooskers have dumped their guy in a text message, as compared to 15% of the men
• Only 25% of singles didn’t mind when their date was distracted by their cell phone
• 73% of singles do like hearing their date’s voice on their voicemail

At the end of the digital day, leave a voicemail message for your sweetheart and make sure they remain higher on the totem pole than your mobile device.

Do you have any mobile dating pet peeves? Comments and thoughts are welcome

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and coach and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com, like her at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert and follow her on twitter @JulieSpira

According to Internet Dating Conference organizer Marc Lesnick, the industry is happy. Over 250 online dating executives attended the 8th annual iDate show at the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills, where the subject was focused on mobile dating.

I had the opportunity to interview Robinne Burrell, Director of Mobile Products at Match.com; Mark Brooks, editor of Online Personals Watch; Monica Ohara, Director of Marketing for SpeedDate, and Joel Simkhai, founder of Grindr about their mobile dating services.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Matchmaker of the Year Julie Ferman and Julie Spira

It was a pleasure attending the 8th Annual Internet Dating Conference in Miami again, where I had the honor to speak on Web Dating 2.0: Using Social Media to Create Brand Loyalty on January 20, 2011.

Several hundred people attended the session on day 2 of the 3-day conference.

Going Mobile

In my presentation, I shared the exciting news that both Zoosk Mobile and SpeedDate Mobile apps have each had more than 2 million downloads.  OkCupid’s mobile app has over 1 million mobile users. eHarmony says their mobile apps account for approximately 20% of global site visits. Consumers now look at eHarmony profiles more than 16,000 times per hour while using mobile devices.  Their mobile app was launched in August, 2009 in conjunction with their 10th anniversary. Match says mobile users are twice as engaged as those who log onto the site on their desktop, so we are definitely going mobile.

Record Highs

We learned from Online Personals Watch Publisher Mark Brooks that online dating hit a record high in December 2010 with 116 million members worldwide visiting online dating sites. Over 20 million visits were from U.S. members. The folks from Google shared that 35 hours of video content is uploaded on YouTube every minute of the day. Online dating is a 1.3 billion dollar industry now according to Jupiter Research.

iDate Awards

One of the highlights of the conference was the 2nd annual iDate Awards. This year OkCupid won 4 iDate Awards including Best Dating Site, Best Dating Site Design, Most Innovative Company, and Best Up and Coming Dating Site. Congratulations to OkCupid for winning in every category that they were nominated in and matching the number of Golden Globe Awards received as The Social Network film. My friend Julie Ferman won the Best Matchmaker Award for the second year in a row and it was certainly well deserved.

Getting Social

It was terrific spending time with Sherri Langburt from Single Edition, Ravit Abelman from Omnidate,  Julie Ferman from Cupid’s Coach, and eLove’s Paul Falzone while catching up with Sam Yagan from OkCupid and Kate Billenki from Plenty of Fish. All have been featured guests on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show. Dating blogger Simone Grant came to iDate for her first time and we brainstormed about dating, blogging, and social media.

The Final Debate

The conference ended with the Final Panel Debate curated by Marc Lesnick, Conference Organizer and included Mark McMaster from Google, Mark Brooks from Online Personals Watch, Michael McQuown from Thunder Road, Jonathan Crutchley from Manhunt, Mark Harrison from Dating Factory, Joel Simkhal from Grindr, Markus Frind from Plenty of Fish, Sam Yagan from OkCupid, Ty from Elite Global Dating and Dan Winchester from FreeDating.co.uk. At the end of the annual end of conference panel, the majority of the panelists felt that online dating would continue to grow in 2011.

Free Versus Paid

The hot topic this year was Free versus Paid online dating sites. Free sites have been rising in popularity and have made a small dent in the paid online dating services. Compared to the cost of high-end matchmakers, paid online dating sites are still a bargain.

To view my presentation, visit SocialMediaMore.com/idate