Digital Manners and Dating

In a recent interview with CNN’s Karin Caifa, we talked about digital etiquette for Valentine’s Day.

With courtship getting digital, here are some dos and don’ts on posting your date or romantic rendezvous on social media.

Some of the tips include:

• Do put that smart phone down. It sends a bad message to your date that maybe there’s someone more important than the person sitting across the table from you.

• Don’t post all of those early date details on Twitter or Facebook.

• Do share very little about what’s going on with your your new beau in the early stages of the relationship.

• Don’t lose friends and followers by over sharing your relationship details

• Do keep in mind who might be on your sweetheart’s list of Facebook friends. Coworkers, a boss, family members, even parents. Those wall posts that you think are sweet could be embarrassing to your Valentine.

• Don’t post your play-by-play every hour about your romantic rendezvous including arriving at the hotel, seeing the flowers in the room, going to dinner, or sipping champagne.

Remember, in a new relationship, he may still be dating others, you may be dating others, and you’re not ready to become “Facebook Exclusive,” until you’ve had the talk.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and netiquette expert. She’s the author of The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Digital Manners and The Perils of Cyber-Dating.

For more digital dating advice, visit CyberDatingExpert.com, where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette and Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Social Media Rules for a Happy Digital Valentine’s Day

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s time to brush up on your social media etiquette skills.

We know that you’re excited about your upcoming date or new relationship, but are you both on the same digital page?

Here are some Dos and Don’ts on how to handle social media and love on February 14^th.

DO: send a fun and flirty “Happy Valentine’s Day” text to the person you’ll be spending the holiday with. It will generate excitement leading up to your date.

DON’T: Keep your phone on the table during the date or check text messages. It sends a message that someone else is more important than you are.

DO: Send a text message inviting them for a SKYPE date if you can’t be together or if they live out of town.

DON’T: Post photos of the two of you as a couple on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram unless both of you decide together that you don’t mind your extended network to view your whereabouts.

DO: Post a photo of the cute red or pink dress you might be wearing on your date.

DON’T: Tag your new boyfriend on Facebook. Chances are he hasn’t told his buddies and work pals about his Valentine’s plans.

DO: Post a photo if you’ve received flowers, a fun gift, or of the dessert at dinner. Everyone loves to view the photos and will cheer you on with “likes.”

DON’T: Post your Happy Valentine’s message on your date’s wall. Saying you can’t wait until the evening together should remain private. Remember, a simple post may be innocent. However your friends might wonder what kind of wild night the two of you will be having. Or worse yet, his ex-girlfriend might start posting inappropriate comments to ruin your evening.

DO: Send a digital gift, such as his or her favorite band on iTunes, an e-card, or a redeemable gift card to a store or restaurant.

DON’T: Send a musical montage of “I Love You” songs if you haven’t said those three little words yet.

DO: Ask for permission before you post anything online. Remember you’re creating a permanent digital footprint and your status and photos can be shared, even by people you don’t know.

DON’T: Overshare. Remember, many of your friends are single and may not be enjoying the day.

DO: Make an exciting announcement. If you become engaged on Valentine’s Day, your friends will want to know.

DON’T: Change your Facebook relationship status to “In a Relationship” until both of you have had the talk and agree to be on the same digital page.

Do you have any social media rules for Valentine’s Day?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

5 Texting Tips to Help Improve Your Relationship

Digital love –  Should texting be a part of your dating life?

According to a Rice University study, both men and women are sending text messages to their S.O.’s.

In a recent article on Prevention.com, I shared tips and texting advice to help spice up your love life, along with a few precautions to make sure you don’t end up in the digital doghouse.

1. DON’T overdo it. Sending a simple happy face to your loved one can be a fun and flirty way to brighten up their day, but the overuse of emoticons reduces the effectiveness. In other words, if every message you send is punctuated with a smile or a wink, your partner will find it harder to figure out what you’re really feeling. (And off-topic but related: The overuse of exclamation marks, especially by men, is a turn-off.)

2. DO embrace the quick hello. I’m a big fan of sending a good morning text to your sweetheart. It never hurts to add ‘xoxo’ at the end to put a smile on his face.

3. DON’T send explicit photos. Even if you haven’t been a teenager for decades, sending naked photos via texting can still come back to haunt you. This is the biggest mistake women make. I can’t stress enough that anything you send digitally can and will be shared by others.

4. DO use it for quick updates. Texting is tailor-made for confirming plans or giving a status update to someone who’s waiting on you. If you’re running late for a date or appointment, you should always send a text to let the other party know.

5. DON’T text angry—ever. The problem with relying on text messages is you can’t hear the sound of someone’s voice.  A text message sent in jest may be received as hurtful, and cause a fight. If you find a text exchange veering into argument territory, that’s the time to switch over to a phone call or talking in person. Do sleep on it. Just because you can send a text doesn’t mean you should—especially if it concerns your relationship. If you have to get something off your chest, send it to yourself (and only to yourself!) in an email and sleep on it. You might feel differently about it in the morning.

Read full article at PreventionMagazine.com

Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.

For more dating and relationship advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo Credit: LiveStock – Fotolia.com

Social Media Guide for New Couples

Our friends at Mashable decided to post a story called, Social Media Helps Romantic Relationships Thrive.

While it’s debatable whether social media helps or hurts relationships, I was a great honor to be asked to chime in on the story along with Alexandra Samuel, Ph.D. and Rob Cottingham, as well as Dr. Karen Ruskin.

Meeting someone new used to be more exciting. Being able to Google someone and read their Facebook, Linkedin, About.me and Twitter profiles in full, takes all the initial mystery and intrigue out of getting to know someone.

 

This is the new dating mistake many are making, says Julie Spira, online dating and netiquette guru and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.

 

“When your relationship is new, I say avoid connecting on social media sites at first,” Spira tells Mashable. “Sure he or she may be excited about your relationship and can easily follow you on Twitter, but if you receive a friend request before or after a first date, it’s best not to accept it.”

 

A Facebook request or Twitter follow may seem harmless. However, experts warn being fast friends on social media could result in hurt feelings.

 

“Remember that it’s a new relationship and one may still be playing the field while the other only has eyes for you,” Spira says. “Becoming friends prematurely may result in hurt feelings when you see his photo posted hugging another woman. Even though it may be his cousin, your feelings will be hurt and you might be jumping to conclusions.”

 

How long should love birds wait? It could take a couple weeks or a couple months. It really depends on the individuals in a relationship, experts say.

 

Read the full story on Mashable

Julie Spira is an online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette

To Friend or Not to Friend on Facebook [video]

Should you accept all facebook friends requests?

In our Ask the expert series on Your Tango, I was asked, “Should I accept a friends request from my husband’s friends?” Just what are the rules of netiquette on Facebook?

Watch our video with my tips on how to handle a delicate digital situation.

For more dating and netiquette advice, like us at Facebook.com/rulesofnetiquette and Facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert and follow Julie Spira on Twitter @JulieSpira

If you loved this video, please like us on Facebook too!

Spreading Netiquette and Love in New York

In this week’s Where’s Julie column, I’m happy to say that I’m home curled up by the fire busy confirming Valentine’s appearances for the next two weeks. However, in between snowstorms, I had the opportunity to spend a few days in New York City, where I appeared on NBC News to talk about my new book, The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web. The segment was called Netiquette: Minding Your Virtual Manners. I hope you can take a moment to view the video. Comments are always welcome. Even Pope Benedict embraced netiquette for social networking last week.

The Rules of Netiquette was originally the title of a chapter in my first book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, inspired in part when an ex-fiance ended the engagement via email. Yes, that was a netiquette no-no.

While in New York, I had the chance to sip cappuccino with She Knows columnist and author, Jamie Beckman, whose book is featured this month in the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room. I also met with the GenConnect group to go over the final details of my Valentine’s live chat scheduled for February 3, 2011 at 3:30pm/Pacific time. The subject will be “For Lovers and Lovers in Waiting.” I’ll be posting details on how you can participate in the live chat on Monday, so get your relationship questions ready.

On Friday, our friends at eHarmony posted my article 5 Reasons She Won’t Call You Back on their site and sent it out to 5 million people on their eHarmony Advice newsletter. The last I looked, there were 76 comments so feel free to chime in. Needless to say, I’ve been busy working on irresistible profiles throughout the weekend for those looking for love online or at least a date before Valentine’s.

Valentine’s is around the corner, and I’ve gone on record as saying, “Valentine’s to a woman is like the Super Bowl to men.” With that in mind, we’ll be posting several articles to help you leading up to Valentine’s Day, regardless of your love stage. For now, take a look at my recent post, Valentine’s Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts for Your Valentine.

Stay tuned for my Valentine’s special offer for Irresistible Profiles for a limited time on February 1st – 6th.  I’ll also be posting some special free offers from some of the online dating sites next week which are worth signing up for which will appear in the Weekly Flirt.