Internet dating, social dating, Facebook dating, meeting offline or at work, what’s a single dater to do?
A question I get asked often about online dating versus meeting someone offline is, which method is better for me to find the perfect date or mate?
While experts might not agree on this topic, even offline Matchmakers are incorporating digital dating into their business. I believe the answer is clear. There is no one-size fits all formula and everyone’s relationship goals may differ. From hook-ups to marriage proposals, there’s a site and way for everyone.
In my dating coaching practice, I work with singles who are truly looking for a meaningful relationship and send those looking to hookup to a variety of mobile dating apps. Whether it leads you to marriage or not, finding love online needs to be part of your dating regime, just like finding a job online from a message board or Linkedin will help you find your dream job. Being able to grow and maintain your relationship offline is critical as you go through the different phases of a relationship.
As one who believes in casting a wide net, I tell singles that you really need to do both. It’s not one way or the other. In reality, online dating, if done correctly, is just a method or service that will get you out there in the real world to meet someone offline IRL (In-Real-Life).
However, some really think the process of finding someone to love is an either-or proposition. I beg to differ. If you’re truly not comfortable with the computer and don’t think your iPhone or Android is truly a SmartPhone, you’re leaving opportunities behind that could change your relationship status to “In a Relationship,” “Engaged” or “Married” while your friends cheer you on.
Here are some pros and cons on finding love both online and offline.
Pro: Over 40 million singles in the U.S have tried online dating.
Con: It’s a crowded digital marketplace and can be an exhausting experience.
Pro: One out of five relationships start online. Whether it’s on Social media, Facebook, Twitter, a mobile app, or traditional online dating site, there are a lot of success stories.
Con: People lie about their age, weight, height, income, and marital status. Singles get frustrated after a few bad dates.
Pro: You can meet people outside of your geographic area and social circle with similar interests. You’ll meet more people, so you can learn what you’re truly looking for in a date, mate, or relationship.
Con: It can become addicting to some, who never meet offline or are looking for the next pretty face. Beware of the Digital Pen-Pal Syndrome.
Pro: It’s efficient and available 24-hours a day.
Con: It’s like a full-time job for many and you must be organized.
Pro: You may have friends in common which will make you more comfortable.
Con: You’re not really sure of their relationship status.
Pro: You can determine if there’s chemistry in person.
Con: You’re limited to your existing social circles or regular activities and will meet less people.
Pro: It’s pre-dating, without the pressure of wondering if you’re date is who they say they are.
Con: People decide too quickly that they aren’t interested or have no chemistry.
Pro: You can develop new friendships with people with similar interests, even if it doesn’t turn into a romantic relationship.
Con: You’re limiting yourself to a certain geographic area.
At the end of the digital day, if you’re serious about meeting someone special, you must include a combination of both online and offline dating in your routine. Remember the goal of online dating is to take your relationship offline. Riding into the digital sunset together is now a way of everyday life.
If you need a little hand holding, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles and dating coaching to help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert who was a very early adopter of the Internet. She created her first dating profile almost 20 years ago and has been helping singles on the dating scene. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt.
She takes the plunge, with a little help from online dating expert and celebrity online dating coach, Julie Spira.
In this segment, Online Dating For Dummies: Guess Who’s The Dummy Is In This Situation? Julie helps Kim, from the Kim Jim & Kim Morning Show on Fresh 102.7 in New York embark on her very first journey into online dating.
Believe it or not, Kim has never tried online dating and co-host Jim, along with producer Craig and myself are going to turn Kim into an Internet dating superstar.
In this segment, we talk about creating Kim’s profile with a catchy screen name. Jim suggested, “DesperationinNYC.” Kim says she’s kitchen impaired and is looking for a guy who will cook her dinner. She admits to sleeping with her two dogs in bed at night, but believes there’s still room for a guy in her life (and bed!)
Kim’s afraid she might scare men off, but she actually likes watching Monday night football.
Listen now to this segment and follow Kim’s progress on Fresh1027.com
In this Episode of the Online Dating Expert BootCamp, Julie Spira critiques Lauren’s emails that she’s sending to potential daters.
Much to her surprise, Lauren’s emails were filled with grammar problems and she started her emails with the word, “Hey.” Julie reminded Lauren that horses hang out in hay, not a marriage-minded single woman from Beverly Hills.
Remember to always use spell check and grammar check on all of your online dating emails and respond in a timely fashion to attract your dream date.
Let’s face it. You’re hanging your digital hat on Facebook and Twitter a bit more often than logging into your online dating account, and with good reason. You like to see what your friends are up to and cheer them on with an occasional like or two. Staring at ‘Selfies’ photos can be fun, and watching someone change their relationship status is a golden moment.
Most online dating sites are now entrenched with social media allowing you to upload your photos directly from Facebook and even using the like button for people to vote on their favorite photos of you. This is quite helpful as you can and should change your photos around a bit. If you notice that some are getting more attention, then they’re keepers.
Internet dating has evolved from the early days of chat rooms and dial up Internet to high-speed wireless Internet and now to a social dating experience. From getting dating advice on Twitter from @Match or @eHarmony to checking out your potential date’s Facebook page, while still chatting on the phone with him or her, digital dating has ramped it up a big notch.
When Facebook launched their Social Graph search in January, I spoke with USA Today. The article, Facebook Unleashed Cupid Potential came out while many of the Internet dating executives were at the Internet Dating Conference.
I was quoted as saying:
Dating norms, however, have already taken root on Facebook. People have long-perused the photos and postings of members in the game of attraction, says Julie Spira, a digital-dating maven who runs CyberDatingExpert.com.
“It’s the world’s largest social network, and they could be the world’s largest dating network if they want to go there,” Spira said.
No longer could online dating sites and singles ignore the big digital gorilla in the room. A few weeks later, we debuted Facebook Love Stories, featuring real world couples who met or reconnected on Facebook and fell madly in love.
Cyber-Dating Expert friend Cliff Lerner, the CEO of Are You Interested wrote an interesting piece in Huffington Post entitled, Why Facebook Graph Search Will Make Online Dating Cool.
I have to agree with Lerner. There are some that still think there’s a stigma with online dating, but have no problem contacting other singles on Facebook chat. This my friends is social dating at it’s best.
At the end of the digital day, you need to cast a very wide net. If you’re uncomfortable saying that you’re an online dater, tell people that you’re a social dater. Do whatever it takes to find love, online, offline, and on Facebook.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, on Facebook, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and FacebookLoveStories.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and coaches them on finding love online and on Facebook. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like her at at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
As I critiqued her profile, we needed to make changes in her geographic area as she only wanted to meet men within a ten mile radius. This wasn’t realistic. Think about it. If you could fall in love with someone on an airplane, would you mind if he lived an hour away?
Today’s lesson is:
“How do you describe yourself exactly to attract the kind of man you’re looking for?”
Watch as we hone done the profile, toss out photos that didn’t make her look her very best, and convinced her to date men a little bit younger, since she said she was only looking for someone 17-years older. Seriously Lauren, a mature man closer in age to you might be a great husband.
Watch as we cast a much wider net, so Lauren can find the man of her dreams online.
Miss a previous episode of Online Dating BootCamp? Watch our videos here.
Find out more about Online Dating BootCamp and how to create an Irresistible Profile with private coaching by Julie Spira
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was an early adopter of Internet Dating. She helps singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible coaching and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s National Romance Awareness Month, so we’re happy to share some of our favorite dating, love and romance articles on the web this week, while taking a digital moment to show our gratitude for the social media love.
This Week’s Cyber Love Links include our links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.
Elle magazine - Love and relationships: The social stigma of online dating. It’s a thrill to be quoted in the August issue of Elle magazine in Canada. The results will surprise you. Yes, although I believe the stigma is gone, there are those who will still go to great lengths to hide the fact that they’ve met online. Do you fall into that category?
Betty Confidential – Your Relationship on Social Media: Pro Tips on Mastering Netiquette. Betty’s Diana Denza asked me some great questions including, What are some things that women post on social media that have the potential to drive a date off? and “What should you say (if anything) to someone you’re dating if he has other women writing flirtatious posts on his wall?” Yes. We don’t want you to become that cyber stalker, so we hope you enjoy these tips.
YourTango – Online Dating BootCamp – They’re live! Six full episodes of Online Dating BootCamp, where I’m helping Lauren from Beverly Hills find love on Match.com. Watch our videos so you can ramp up your search while looking for love online.
Episode 1: How to Create the Perfect Profile
Episode 2: How to Write the Perfect Description
Episode 3: How to Find Your Dream Guy
Episode 4: How to Write the Perfect Intro Email
Episode 5: How to Create the Perfect Profile Photo
Episode 6: Making it Happen in the Real World
On Twitter, we shared some of our favorite articles including:
The Atlantic – When a Relationship Becomes a Game
Woman’s Day – 10 Important Love Lessons from ‘The Bachelorette’
Our favorite quote this week is: “Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else.” ~Nicholas Sparks
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team
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At Cyber-Dating Expert, we like to report on the latest trends in online dating and mobile dating apps. Is the digital world getting more complicated or becoming easier with reliance on text messages?
Our friends at JDate and ChristianMingle just released their study on the impact of mobile phones and relationships based on a survey of 1500 singles aged 21-50, which we’d like to share with you. I read the in-depth study, The Dating Game: Mobile Technology Redefines the Rules for Singles and realized one thing for sure; the cell phone has replaced a fancy purse as the accessory of choice, that is, unless there’s room for your mobile phone in your purse.
While we know the increase in cell phone usage has resulted in a dramatic increase in sending text messages to schedule a date or to stay in touch in between dates, the alarming data of who sleep with their phone in bed with them is startling. According to the survey, 50% of singles think they might be addicted to their cell phones, with 25% of singles 21-26 reporting that they actually sleep with their cell phones in bed with them. For those who don’t feel the need to cuddle with your mobile phone, we found out that many of you are just an arm’s length away from your phone, which is prominently placed on the table next to your bed or on the floor close by.
Data Before Hygiene
When it’s time to wake up in the morning, what do singles do first? Ahead of brushing their teeth, they reach for their mobile phones. According to the survey a whopping 56% of singles aged 21-26 check their mobile devices for e-mails, text messages, or voicemail (44% overall) as compared to 19% of singles who diligently brush their teeth first before grabbing onto their favorite mobile device.
When it’s time to schedule your online date, the survey found that texting is the most popular for those aged 21-26 with 50% saying they’ll text several times a day before their first date. In addition, approximately 1/3 of both men and women believe it’s less intimidating to ask someone out on a date instead of picking up the phone to call. Singles are using texting for digital foreplay and flirting leading up to a date and making reservations for restaurants.
Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to hear the sound of someone’s voice on the end of the phone, even if details of scheduling are done via text. Apparently I’m not alone as the study reported that 68% of singles prefer scheduling a date on the phone as compared to 20% who prefer texting.
Cell Phone and Dating Etiquette
Now that we know the cell phone isn’t going to be locked in a trunk while on a date, who can’t resist keeping it on the table or sneaking a peek? 98% of singles say they put the phone away on a date, but does that mean they’re still not attached? Not really. Somehow 67% of those surveyed found a way to check their phones, either at the table or in a bathroom break.
To the benefit of making us feel good after a date, 78% say they’ll send a text or communication within 24 hours if the date went well. Immediate gratification does have its place.
Til Text Do Us Part
When it’s time to part ways, how should you end your relationship? Of course I believe you should have the conversation in person if geographics allow, but at least by telephone so it’s a two way dialog. According to those surveyed, more than 50% said they would consider ending the relationship in a text message if they were casually dating and 24% would break up in a text message, even if it was a serious relationship. Where are your manners?
At the end of the digital day, I believe in treating someone the way that you want to be treated. Don’t let your mobile phone end up higher on the totem pole than your date when you’re sitting at the table, or you might be the recipient of a breakup text, no remorse included.
Are you using your mobile phones to schedule dates? Would you check your messages while on a date?
Photo Credit © naka – Fotolia.com
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and writes about the marriage of love and technology. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and coaches singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.
With Tinder becoming the fastest growing mobile dating app since its launch last October, it’s no wonder that everyone is checking out this fun and flirty free dating app.
When New York Magazine’s The Cut reported that 2012’s Miss USA, the gorgeous Nana Meriwether, had a profile on Tinder, people started to wonder why such a beauty needed to resort to creating an online dating profile. Most of the media joined in and the story became viral.
This actually bothered me a lot. It gave the impression that online dating and mobile dating apps are just for those who can’t find a date on their own. I couldn’t disagree more.
Meriwether shared with The Cut, that she’s been a member of Tinder since April, but she doesn’t take online dating very seriously, and only browses Tinder while hanging out with her girlfriends.
In the article, Meriwether what many singles in New York are frustrated with, that dating is just hard, even in a big city with so many options.
“Here’s the thing about dating in New York: It doesn’t exist,” she tells NY Magazine. “There’s so much going on in the city, there are so many distractions that people just forget to go on a second date.”
Tinder makes online dating more fun and more of a social experience. Like many others, Meriwether isn’t actually dating on Tinder, but she’s looking at men and even checking off a few that she liked.
Meriwether told The Cut, “I’m like, ‘Yeah, of course.’ Even pageant-title-holders get lonely.” Even though she’s approved a few profiles, she hasn’t actually gone on an online date.
During my most recently held Mobile Dating BootCamp, four out of six singles used the Tinder mobile dating app to find a date or love, but mostly out of curiosity to find out what the rage was all about. One of the daters actually did meet someone from Tinder. Others felt it was more for hooking up and deciding if someone was attractive or not.
Are you one of the millions of people using Tinder? Do you find it to be a fun game or do you think you can meet someone from the app.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and Online Dating BootCamp. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
What happens when a radio show host needs help with his online dating journey?
Watch as David Nelson enlists the help of online dating expert Julie Spira in a radio and video series to improve his chances at finding love online on the Steve Malzberg Show.
In this video, David makes the mistake of winking and waiting and does what many men have done with Internet dating; only made decisions based upon the photos.
Julie helps David prepare for his very first online date on Match.com with high hopes that his date will become a success.
- Arrive on time.
- Send a flirt text in advance of your date and when you arrive.
- If you’re enjoying her company, extend the evening to dinner.
- Read her profile completely before the first date and take a copy with you.
- Ask her for a second date if the date goes well and put it on the calendar.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.
Our friends at YourTango just completed their Dating in a Digital Age survey and found that 63% of singles are using online dating sites to find a serious relationship.
Of those surveyed, 95% said they have used Facebook to find a date. This number is enormous and does give hope to singles that cyber love is truly a way of everyday life.
So how do you make sure you’re putting your best digital foot forward?
Let’s start with amping up your Facebook profile.
Putting the best primary photo you can possibly find is key to your success in finding love on Facebook. Posting a photo with your BFF is off-limits. One with your cousin is also off the list if you’re single. It can send confusing messages and you won’t know for sure that someone is single. Posting no photo at all is as obsolete as the fax machine or VHS player. Remember, your photo will appear in a search, even to non-friends who would like to connect with you.
The YourTango study confirmed this as they found that two-thirds would not go on a date with someone whose profile contains no photos.
Think you’re too shy to let someone know you’re single? Think again. Not posting you’re relationship status as “Single” or “Divorced” doesn’t mean you’re desperate. It means you’re stating your intention that you’re available for a relationship. On Facebook Love Stories, you’ll read the heartwarming story of Taunia and Jake. When Taunia changed her relationship status to “Divorced,” she became reunited with a former boyfriend from twenty years earlier. The two got engaged at the Eiffel Tower in Paris and will be getting married this summer. Is that worth the free advertising on Facebook if you want to find love? We think so.
BECOME A FACEBOOK FLIRT
If you have a digital crush on someone, spend time occasionally “liking” and commenting on his or her posts. Don’t overdo it, as you don’t want to come across as an obsessed cyber-stalking type. It’s digital foreplay and it’s amazing how it really works.
WATCH WHAT YOU POST
Posting photos and party shots over-and-over again might not send the message that you’re relationship material. Make sure your posts are varied and not all about you. Ask engaging questions in your posts and thank those who comment. Even if he or she won’t be the love of your life, think about their extended social network. Who doesn’t want to play digital matchmaker?
Are you flirting on Facebook? Do you think Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site? You’re comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more digital dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and visit our Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories pages.