Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Lori Gottlieb

Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday, March 13, 2010 as she welcomes Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Lori’s book is now on both the New York Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller lists. She has appeared on the Today show, Dr. Phil, CNN, and more.

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk to Lori about her book.  You can read Marry Him: A Conversation with Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.

Get your list of your questions ready for this rare opportunity to talk directly to the author and hear expert dating advice. Find out really what it means to “settle” and hear Lori’s personal experience with online dating and her quest to find Mr. Right.

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2PM/EST, 12noon/CST, 11am/PST with your questions and to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

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Julie Spira on The Mark and Brian Show

Listen to the Mark and Brian Radio Show on 955 KLOS where hosts Mark and Brian asked Cyberdating Expert Julie Spira about the Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for online daters.

Find out which of the Top 10 Rules from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating were their favorites as well as tips for your Internet dating profile on The Mark and Brian Radio Program.

Dating Advice: Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

1. The Google Rule – Googling your date. We all do it. It’s just too easy to find out the juicy details of the person you have on your date card. If you do decide to do a search, please don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” on your first date.  Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

2. The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. I urge singles to be honest about their age and weight in their profiles. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-pounds off your actual weight or 5-years from your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone, in your profile, or on your first date– especially if you want to make it to a second date.

3. The Food and Beverage Rule – A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. Another date made a point of asking what my favorite cuisine was so he could select the perfect restaurant for dinner. He refused to order food after we sat down at the table. Neither of them made it to a second date.

4. The Valet Parking Rule – It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically much less than the cost of the next cosmopolitan. You’ll get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and
may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.

5. The Ex Rule - Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy they are that their payments are about to end, change the subject, or run. He’s just not over her or him.

6. The Body Parts Rule – Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.

7. The To Go Bag Rule – Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more importantly, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well. The man who asked for the remains of his pizza crust to go along with the scraps of my salad didn’t make a good impression.

8. The Send Button Rule - When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself instead. You can’t take it back. Your date’s revenge could be in forwarding your email all over the Internet. If it gets indexed by Google, you’ll have a hard time finding another date.

9. The Marriage Proposal Rule – Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call! Falling in love from your keyboard or iPhone isn’t really love. It’s a false fantasy that you are in a relationship.

10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages these days. But is it right?

Excerpts from the bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira
©2008 Julie Spira – Cyber Dating Expert, LLC All Rights Reserved
CyberDatingExpert.com

Dating Advice – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

I’m a 42-year old male and have never been married. I’m Jewish and would like to meet a Jewish woman and have children. I’ve tried JDate and have met some nice women, but no one worth marrying.  I’d like a woman who is honest, kind, pretty, who must be politically and sexually compatible with myself. Do you think I’m too picky?

~Single Guy in LA

Dear Single Guy,

There are more women than you can imagine who are looking for a marriage-minded man. Especially one who is interested in having children. Focus in on the profiles of women that specifically say they are looking for children. Join more than one dating site to widen your search. Be open to the possibilities of meeting someone who is divorced and may want to have another child.

As far as politically compatible, join the political groups and attend fundraisers where you will meet women you know you can easily have a conversation with. Unless you are hopping into bed right away, you won’t know if you are sexually compatible. Chances are if the first kiss is good, it’s a sign of good things to come. Hang in there and go on at least 3 dates with a woman who matches your requirements in 3 out of the 5 categories. No one gets it all, all the time.

Good luck with your search.

Julie Spira

Julie Spira is known worldwide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Flirtexting on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, authors of Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart discussed the fine art of flirting on your BlackBerry’s and iPhones.

You’ll hear about the benefits of Flirtexting and why it works so well in our faced paced lives. The authors dished out dating advice and their thoughts about how to use text messages to improve the quality of your relationship.

Listen to find out just which one of the two was asked out to the prom via text message and how she felt about it.

Find out some texting do’s and don’ts and remember to put March 11, 2010 at 10:00am on your calendar, where the authors will be talking about sexting for the over 50 crowd on the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hoda.

Learn all of this and more on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio show where we talk about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

The Art of Love Radio Show

On Sunday, March 7, 2010, Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira will be a featured guest on The Art of Love radio show hosted by relationship expert, Lucia.

Listen to the program on LA Talk Radio at 3:00pm, PST for dating advice and to hear more about finding love on your favorite online dating site.

You’ll hear more about the top ten rules of netiquette for online daters from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Weekly Flirt

Click here and let the flirting begin!>>>

Peril of the Week – Hero in the Dog House

A man enjoys being the hero in his woman’s life. When he lends a hand to help her and she shows her appreciation he feels good.

And so the story goes about a woman who was dating a man she met online.  Every day he did something to impress her. When she was a damsel in distress, he was at her side offering his expert advice. In time, he became her hero and he was a happy man. He proudly nicknamed himself, HRH – Her Royal Hero.

Both appeared to be happy until that pivotal point in the relationship. The date when they finally wound up in the bedroom for the first time. All of their pent up tension that led to their first night of passion. He said it was good for him. She thought it was good for her. One would think flowers would arrive the next morning or at least a phone call. However, the morning after that momentous evening, he was no where to be found. No email, no voice mail, no sweet nothings. He simply disappeared.

She secretly wondered, did she rush in to it? Was he really a typical guy who vanishes after he scores? She got mad. While he still had a smile on his face from the evening before, she had no idea. He broke a cardinal rule and didn’t call her the next day.

Rather than crying over spilled milk, she renamed her guy from HRH to HDH–Hero in the Dog House. Did she hear from her guy? Eventually, yes, but only after she let him have it. Apparently, he was just busy and forgot to call.  The moral of the story, if it’s more than a booty call and you really are interested in having a relationship with a woman you have slept with,  make sure you contact them the next day with some sweet nothings. An email or text won’t suffice. It’s dating advice – 101. You’ve become intimate. Make sure she hears the sound of your voice, even if it’s only a voicemail.

For consideration in the Peril of the Week, submit your stories to CyberDatingExpert.com

Click Here for More Peril of the Week Stories

Love Hurts, or Does It? A Night of Dating Advice

There’s no shortage of dating advice these days. This week Angelenos were treated to a night to laughter, dating advice, and charity as 826LA, a non-profit writing and tutoring center for children ages 6-12 presented, “Love Hurts: Ask the Experts.”

The event was moderated by Time magazine’s funny man Joel Stein. Featured authors included Greg Behrendt, from He’s Just Not That Into You fame along with Lori Gottlieb, author of the bestseller, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and Sascha Rothchild, whose book, How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage
was released earlier this year.

It was interesting to note that both of the men on stage were married and both women were not.

Gottlieb’s book has received a lot of attention and criticism from feminists as well as those who never actually read the book who jumped to conclusion that “settling” was a bad decision before picking up their copy.

Views on Marriage

When the group was asked about their views of marriage, Rothchild said she would like to get married again, but won’t get divorced if she can help it. She added that many get married to wear a beautiful dress and get wedding gifts.

Behrendt told the group that he is not a relationship expert. He wrote two books about how to get out of relationships so he thought he wouldn’t be the one to know how to get in them. He suggested that singles go to Las Vegas to make their relationship legal and have a party in front of your friends. When asked why he got married, he replied with, “I got married because my wife wanted to get married. I didn’t want to lose her.” He says that marriage works for him.

Gottlieb said she went directly to experts to find out what really matters for love, long term happiness and got some answers. . She said she felt like a dating guinea pig and tried out their advice to try to get to the altar. Her findings are written in her well-researched book.

“Settling for Mr. Good Enough does not mean that you are settling with someone who you are not attracted to,” said Gottlieb. She added,  ”We rule out too many people. Good enough is everybody’s Mr./Ms. Good enough.”  The bestselling author says that bow-ties are hot. So are men named Sheldon. She admits that she didn’t use to feel that way.

Rothchild says if you are going into a marriage thinking it will make you happy, you will be disappointed. She hates the line, “You will complete me.” She added, “If two half-people meet up they will be miserable. You can’t expect someone to make you happy.”

Views on Online Dating

According to Rothchild,  online dating works for some people. She likes to get a sense of someone in person and isn’t a huge fan of the system. “You get an immediate vibe about a person when you meet him,” said Rothchild. She added, “You can feel if he is he crazy or not. With online dating,  you don’t get that.” Rothchild said she likes to meet people out playing poker. She met her current boyfriend at a poker game.  Her dating advice to singles, “If you like surfing, go surf. Meet other people who like what you like. Go up to a guy and say hi! If he’s available he’ll say hi back, its that easy.”

Gottlieb says he has to do online dating as she never leaves the house.  She learned that women often rule people out real quickly. She made the analogy of shopping online at Banana Republic where after you buy a blouse online, you are sent to a page to show you other blouses you can purchase.  She referred to the online dating site Match.com in her comparison. On Match, you write an email to someone you carefully select and suddenly you receive a thank you with five other men you should consider after selecting your favorite guy.

What the group all agreed on is dating has changed. According to Behrendt, “As a society, we don’t date as a ritual anymore. There’s hook-ups and casual dates. Years ago we went on dates because we didn’t [have sex] so we ate, danced, and had big band music.”

After the panel, I had the opportunity to personally interview Lori Gottlieb about why she felt so misunderstood by some of her critics of her book.  You can read the article: Marry Him: A Conversation With Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.

Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.

Cougar Dating Expert Lucia on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Cougar Dating Expert Lucia.

Hear the ten characteristics of being a Cougar,  what it means to be a cub, and our favorite celebrity cougar couples.

We provided some dating advice and relationship tips for those who are interested in joining the cougar revolution.  Lucia offered our listeners a free 3-month membership to the online dating site iCougarDating.com. Visit their site and use the promo code of “hotcougar” to take advantage of this special offer.

Learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Julie Spira.

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