On Take Part Live on PointTV, we tackled the subject of digital dating and how texting and social media have affected our love lives.
It was a honor and joy to be a featured guest on the program with hosts Jacob Soboroff and Cara Santa Maria.
I was joined with Comedienne and Glamour blogger Phoebe Robinson, who appeared earlier on Raising McCain with Meghan McCain, and Jessica Sorbino.
One of the main questions that came up is should you change your Facebook relationship status? The opinions from the panel differed. Phoebe met her boyfriend on Facebook and checked out his profile before agreeing to going on a date. I said that everyone who is single should list their relationship status as Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, and Jessica believes you shouldn’t list a relationship status at all, so forget about “It’s Complicated.”
How long should you wait to respond to his or her text message? Are we becoming Internet dating addicts? Watch the show segment for details.
You can read more in this article on Digital Technology and Romantic Relationships.
Internet dating, social dating, Facebook dating, meeting offline or at work, what’s a single dater to do?
A question I get asked often about online dating versus meeting someone offline is, which method is better for me to find the perfect date or mate?
While experts might not agree on this topic, even offline Matchmakers are incorporating digital dating into their business. I believe the answer is clear. There is no one-size fits all formula and everyone’s relationship goals may differ. From hook-ups to marriage proposals, there’s a site and way for everyone.
In my dating coaching practice, I work with singles who are truly looking for a meaningful relationship and send those looking to hookup to a variety of mobile dating apps. Whether it leads you to marriage or not, finding love online needs to be part of your dating regime, just like finding a job online from a message board or Linkedin will help you find your dream job. Being able to grow and maintain your relationship offline is critical as you go through the different phases of a relationship.
As one who believes in casting a wide net, I tell singles that you really need to do both. It’s not one way or the other. In reality, online dating, if done correctly, is just a method or service that will get you out there in the real world to meet someone offline IRL (In-Real-Life).
However, some really think the process of finding someone to love is an either-or proposition. I beg to differ. If you’re truly not comfortable with the computer and don’t think your iPhone or Android is truly a SmartPhone, you’re leaving opportunities behind that could change your relationship status to “In a Relationship,” “Engaged” or “Married” while your friends cheer you on.
Here are some pros and cons on finding love both online and offline.
Pro: Over 40 million singles in the U.S have tried online dating.
Con: It’s a crowded digital marketplace and can be an exhausting experience.
Pro: One out of five relationships start online. Whether it’s on Social media, Facebook, Twitter, a mobile app, or traditional online dating site, there are a lot of success stories.
Con: People lie about their age, weight, height, income, and marital status. Singles get frustrated after a few bad dates.
Pro: You can meet people outside of your geographic area and social circle with similar interests. You’ll meet more people, so you can learn what you’re truly looking for in a date, mate, or relationship.
Con: It can become addicting to some, who never meet offline or are looking for the next pretty face. Beware of the Digital Pen-Pal Syndrome.
Pro: It’s efficient and available 24-hours a day.
Con: It’s like a full-time job for many and you must be organized.
Pro: You may have friends in common which will make you more comfortable.
Con: You’re not really sure of their relationship status.
Pro: You can determine if there’s chemistry in person.
Con: You’re limited to your existing social circles or regular activities and will meet less people.
Pro: It’s pre-dating, without the pressure of wondering if you’re date is who they say they are.
Con: People decide too quickly that they aren’t interested or have no chemistry.
Pro: You can develop new friendships with people with similar interests, even if it doesn’t turn into a romantic relationship.
Con: You’re limiting yourself to a certain geographic area.
At the end of the digital day, if you’re serious about meeting someone special, you must include a combination of both online and offline dating in your routine. Remember the goal of online dating is to take your relationship offline. Riding into the digital sunset together is now a way of everyday life.
If you need a little hand holding, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles and dating coaching to help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert who was a very early adopter of the Internet. She created her first dating profile almost 20 years ago and has been helping singles on the dating scene. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt.
It’s time to put on my DJ hat again. Since today is Bruce Springsteen’s birthday, we’re featuring a romantic love song, “I’ll Work For Your Love” as our Cyber Love Song of the Week.
This song is so romantic, that it was once requested to be played in concert so a guy could propose marriage to his girlfriend.
Listen to the melody and lyrics of this song and let us know if it makes you swoon.
Do you have a favorite Cyber Love Song?
Listen to our other featured Cyber Love Songs of the Week.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
From checking out his or her Facebook profile, to following your digital crush on Twitter, the conversation is expanding.
So how do social media and love connect online to help you with your love life offline?
Both Jeff Pulver, the 140 Conference creator and my friend Debra Eckerling from Write on Online will be hosting the #140LA13 Mini-Conference: “The Rise of Listening in the Era of Social Media” on Monday, September 23, 2013 from 6:30pm – 9:30pm at Cross Campus at 820 Broadway in Santa Monica, CA.
I’ll be joined on our panel, Romance, Speaking and Hearing from the Heart with Kerianne Mellot, eHarmony’s Social Media Manager and Marni Battista, founder of Dating With Dignity. Together, the three of us will be answering your questions on how we engage with singles using social media and what social media channels we’re finding the most effective.
We’ll address emotional issues such as how much should we reveal on social media about our personal lives, how do we handle those whose hearts are healing and encourage others to be positive during an emotional time.
We do hope you join us at this very special event.
Other sessions in the 140LA 13 mini conference include:
Hosts: Jeff Pulver and Debra Eckerling
- Love, Passion & Chocolate, Ashley Walsh
- Romance, Speaking & Hearing from the Heart, Kerianne Mellott, Julie Spira, Marni Battista
- Engaging Your Community, David Bloom speaking with Catherine Geanuracos about Eric Garcetti’s social campaign strategy
- Transforming Entertainment through Social Media, Steven Swimmer, Jon Cody, Peter Hyoguchi, Mike Rotman
- Paying it Forward, Brian Mac Mahon
The #140conf events provide a platform for individuals and entrepreneurs to listen, connect, share, and engage with each other, while collectively exploring the effects of the emerging real-time internet on business.
Limited tickets can be purchased for $15 at 140confla13-estw.eventbrite.com
She takes the plunge, with a little help from online dating expert and celebrity online dating coach, Julie Spira.
In this segment, Online Dating For Dummies: Guess Who’s The Dummy Is In This Situation? Julie helps Kim, from the Kim Jim & Kim Morning Show on Fresh 102.7 in New York embark on her very first journey into online dating.
Believe it or not, Kim has never tried online dating and co-host Jim, along with producer Craig and myself are going to turn Kim into an Internet dating superstar.
In this segment, we talk about creating Kim’s profile with a catchy screen name. Jim suggested, “DesperationinNYC.” Kim says she’s kitchen impaired and is looking for a guy who will cook her dinner. She admits to sleeping with her two dogs in bed at night, but believes there’s still room for a guy in her life (and bed!)
Kim’s afraid she might scare men off, but she actually likes watching Monday night football.
Listen now to this segment and follow Kim’s progress on Fresh1027.com
In this Episode of the Online Dating Expert BootCamp, Julie Spira critiques Lauren’s emails that she’s sending to potential daters.
Much to her surprise, Lauren’s emails were filled with grammar problems and she started her emails with the word, “Hey.” Julie reminded Lauren that horses hang out in hay, not a marriage-minded single woman from Beverly Hills.
Remember to always use spell check and grammar check on all of your online dating emails and respond in a timely fashion to attract your dream date.
On WashPost Live, Online Dating Expert Julie Spira and Dr. Eli Finkel from Northwestern University talk with Nia-Malika Henderson about online dating algorithms and the latest trends in mobile dating. Has online dating become a social dating experience? Why is Tinder the hottest new mobile dating app? Is cyber dating here to stay?
All these questions and more were discussed on the latest in Internet dating on Washington Post’s Live Channel, On Background.
I met my boyfriend on Plenty of Fish and we’ve been dating for about six months. We took your advice and both took our profiles down together as a bit of a ceremony and celebration after two months of dating and have even been talking about the future.
Last week, my friend saw a new POF profile that he posted with a different name, as he viewed hers while he was searching.
My heart is broken. I confronted him on it and he said it was an old profile, one he had before he met me, but deep down I think he always had two profiles up and that I’ve been played.
I’m not sure if I can trust him or not or if I’m overreacting. Please help.
Disappointed in Baton Rouge
I can feel your pain and what you’re going through is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, I hear this all the time.
Often when a man gets too close to a woman, especially around the 6-month mark, he starts to panic. Men are very basic. The thought of never sleeping with another woman again feels like death to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or that you aren’t the best thing that’s ever happened to him in the whole wide world.
The Internet makes it so easy for people to take a peek to see who else is out there, especially if he’s thinking about a more permanent relationship with you. In the bestselling book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus , author John Gray talks about the rubber-band man. The guy who gets really close to you and then has to retreat and disappear when he needs time for the tension in the rubber band to build up again. Sometimes he goes into his cave and doesn’t want to be with you. Other times, he pulls back because he isn’t sure of his feelings about love and commitment. Either way, don’t chase after him and ask what’s wrong.
Before you think he’s breaking your heart, give it a little time. A pull back and new Internet dating profile are both something to be concerned with, but don’t overreact just yet. Accusing him of messing around on you isn’t the answer. If he wants to be with you, let him know you’d appreciate him taking down the second profile, but don’t insist on it. It’s up to him to decide if he wants to continue fishing and run the risk of losing a lifetime of love with you.
Now is not the time to get even and put up your profile and start dating until you’ve resolved this issue together. If he truly wants to date others, wish him well and do so as well.
There are over 1500 dating sites on the Internet, so if you decide it’s time to move on find a different site to hang your digital hat so you don’t find yourself staring at his profile and obsessing whether he’s found someone else or not.
Looking at other women online is very hurtful, I know. It’s emotional cheating, even if he isn’t setting up other dates. But it also gives him the time to look at some photos and decide if you’re the one he wants to move forward with. Think of it as if he’s looking at photos in a magazine. I know it’s worse, but remember, your friend saw his profile online, she didn’t catch him in bed with another woman.
Please keep us posted.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Do you have a dating question for Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira?
If you’re questioning whether your summer romance has an expiration date on it and are wondering what to do next, these dating tips should help you on your romantic journey.
As summer is nearing its end, many students are now returning to school and single parents will now have a much different schedule to adhere to.
So with the change of seasons, how do you know if you can handle a long distance relationship this fall? If your guy is still in town, how do you know if your passionate summer love was just a fling or the real thing?
If you notice your relationship is tapering off as we lead into Labor Day, should you part ways as friends now that summer is over and wish each other well, or sign up for another season of love?
I’ve always said that long-term relationships should go through multiple seasons to determine if you’re compatible with your significant other or not. Yes, winter, spring, summer and fall. All of them, each with their unique beauty and differences can help you pass the test of time.
As cliché as it sounds, we know there is some validity to the three-month honeymoon phase. At first, everything about the other person is exciting. From giggles and hiccups to their exercise regime, you just suck it all in like a sponge that won’t dry out.
When these relationships peak in the summer, it’s often hard to tell whether it’s lust or love with all of the outdoor heat, but oddly, as the summer ends, it’s not unusual to start receiving less text messages from your beau. The days in between getting together seem to be getting longer while the days start to become shorter. The routine of your love life just isn’t as exciting as it used to be.
During months 3-6, the “imperfect stage,” don’t be surprised if your single girlfriend sees your guy’s profile online, where he’s just fishing to see who might write to him, even if he isn’t setting up any dates.
After that, you may find out about a few Facebook chats that were incorporated into the routine to create distance between the two of you. Someone notices a Facebook check in, he’s busted and there’s a major explosion.
If you can relate to this feeling or sequence of events, the problem may not be with the calendar, but more often-than-not be related to serious commitment issues that one of you may be struggling with.
The next think you know, someone isn’t sure if they’re feeling it anymore. Rather than being honest about the relationship, they’re cultivating conversations on Facebook with high school or college pals to create distance, and the trust dissipates. It’s the beginning of the end.
Why do so many of these relationships end when the summer is over?
Weather changes, months change, routines change, and even those relationships with the best of intentions run their course. At the end of the summer, it’s like the end of the calendar year. People reevaluate their relationship statuses and decide whether to renew for another three months.
If you feel this is happening to you, have the conversation first with your partner sooner, rather than later. Don’t toss away the relationship so quickly. Acknowledge all of the amazing things you’ve done together as a couple and honor the memories you’ve shared. Ask the other person if there’s anything they can do to keep the relationship alive. Remember, bumps on the road are an opportunity for personal growth within a relationship, not always necessarily the beginning of the end.
If at the end of your conversation, you feel you aren’t compatible or someone has already strayed, wish each other well, before you start logging on for love looking for their replacement.
It’s important to mourn the loss of your relationship, because your friendship, bond, and the daily connectivity will abruptly end. Trying to get together immediately as friends during this emotional time is not a good idea. It will backfire. There’s no such thing as a mutual breakup where everyone is happy. One person might think it will lesson their guilt. It won’t. You fell in love with someone for a reason, not a season.
If you find that your summer love has ended, don’t reactivate your online dating profile for at least a week. Sure it’s great for your ego to get people lining up to meet you for dates, but it isn’t fair for someone new not to get the best shot at you. Dating while you’re still pining away for your ex can increase your sadness. You’re a walking-wounded person and it’s healthy to take a break.
After enough time has gone by and you both have moved on with other relationships, it’s possible to be friends with your summer romance in another season, but in my experience, you truly need at least six months to segue a romantic relationship into a friendship. But then again, do you really want to be friends with someone who broke your heart?
Photo credit: sandra zuerlein – Fotolia.com
Internet dating has evolved from the early days of chat rooms and dial up Internet to high-speed wireless Internet and now to a social dating experience. From getting dating advice on Twitter from @Match or @eHarmony to checking out your potential date’s Facebook page, while still chatting on the phone with him or her, digital dating has ramped it up a big notch.
Let’s face it. You’re hanging your digital hat on Facebook and Twitter a bit more often than logging into your online dating account, and with good reason. You like to see what your friends are up to and cheer them on with an occasional like or two. Staring at ‘Selfies’ photos can be fun, and watching someone change their relationship status is a golden moment.
Most online dating sites are now entrenched with social media allowing you to upload your photos directly from Facebook and even using the like button for people to vote on their favorite photos of you. This is quite helpful as you can and should change your photos around a bit. If you notice that some are getting more attention, then they’re keepers.
When Facebook launched their Social Graph search in January, I spoke with USA Today. The article, Facebook Unleashed Cupid Potential came out while many of the Internet dating executives were at the Internet Dating Conference.
I was quoted as saying:
Dating norms, however, have already taken root on Facebook. People have long-perused the photos and postings of members in the game of attraction, says Julie Spira, a digital-dating maven who runs CyberDatingExpert.com.
“It’s the world’s largest social network, and they could be the world’s largest dating network if they want to go there,” Spira said.
No longer could online dating sites and singles ignore the big digital gorilla in the room. A few weeks later, we debuted Facebook Love Stories, featuring real world couples who met or reconnected on Facebook and fell madly in love.
Cyber-Dating Expert friend Cliff Lerner, the CEO of Are You Interested wrote an interesting piece in Huffington Post entitled, Why Facebook Graph Search Will Make Online Dating Cool.
I have to agree with Lerner. There are some that still think there’s a stigma with online dating, but have no problem contacting other singles on Facebook chat. This my friends is social dating at it’s best.
At the end of the digital day, you need to cast a very wide net. If you’re uncomfortable saying that you’re an online dater, tell people that you’re a social dater. Do whatever it takes to find love, online, offline, and on Facebook.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, on Facebook, or wherever you may roam.