Dating Advice: To Take Down, or Not to Take Down Your Profile
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Dating in a Web 2.0 World can be very tricky and emotional at times. The big drama often surrounds one pulling down their online dating profile while the other is still playing the field. I’m not into game playing and believe you should follow your heart.
However, it’s rare for two people who are in a new relationship to be on the same digital page on each and every date. While you’re in the getting-to-know you phase, the best rules are ones which include honesty and avoid entrapment.
So when I was asked by Diane Mapes to contribute to her article on Match.com’s Happen Magazine, in Pulling your profile after finding The One, I was happy to share my thoughts.
Let’s start with the unplugging parties. Should you agree to have a celebration and pull down your profiles together? It’s a growing popular trend, but I think it comes with too much pressure. If the man suggests an unplugging celebration and you feel great about it, go ahead and do so. It’s like having a digital anniversary. While I believe a woman could suggest future outings and dates, I don’t believe she should be the one to schedule a date to unplug. There’s still some old-fashioned chivalry and courtship that takes place, both online and offline.
In matters of digital courting, typically the man takes down his profile first. Perhaps he’ll share that information with his date, but if they’ve just met, it can scare a woman away. She’ll be flattered, but might not be ready to go to the next step of dating exclusively or be ready for any intimate expectations that might be expected with retiring dating profiles. If a woman takes down her profile, guys shouldn’t run away thinking she did it for them. Often a woman will receive too many emails from men she isn’t interested in, or her paid membership may have expired.
Taking down your profile as well as changing your Facebook relationship status can be a big deal and come along with 2-dimensional assumptions that could kill your relationship.
The best times to take down your profile:
1. You’re tired of online dating and are receiving too many emails from incompatible people, or too few emails to make it worth your while.
2. You have a crush on someone and you don’t want him or her to think you’re a serial dater logging in daily to see the next fresh face.
3. One has already taken their profile down and you feel you’d like to reciprocate and see where the relationship will go.
4. You both agree to date exclusively.
5. Before you become physically intimate.
The worst times to take down a profile:
1. After a first date. Sorry, it’s just too soon and will send him or her running with the fear they are in an instant relationship.
2. If you feel pressured to do so by the other party.
3. To make someone else you like feel jealous.
4. To pressure your date to do the same.
5. To hide it temporarily before your date knowing you plan on re-posting it when you get home.
When *Debbie was thinking about going on her first romantic weekend away with *Mike, it made sense for the two of them to take down their profiles. However *Mike gave her the big ultimatum. She wasn’t exactly ready to retire her profile, but he kept her on the phone and walked her through the instructions until he was satisfied that her profile was removed. Debbie found this behavior controlling and their relationship ran its course. She still tells me that she remembers the day that he forced her to take down her profile, or he’d be moving on.
When *Mark told *Jill he had taken his profile down on their 4th date, Jill was flattered, but told him she just wasn’t ready. She hoped that she would catch up, but was open to dating others still. After the 6th date, Jill decided to date Mark exclusively and took down her profile on her own. This relationship started off based upon honesty and without manipulation. Mark was willing to wait for Jill rather than leave her for a more eager face. The two eventually got engaged.
At the end of the digital day, I believe in developing the friendship part of your relationship if you’re looking for long-term love. Remember, you’ve met online and you’re creating your relationship history now offline. Taking down your profile doesn’t mean you’re going ring shopping or heading to the altar. It doesn’t mean you’re jumping into bed either. Often it’s a gesture to show genuine interest. Be flattered when he or she takes down their profile, but don’t go crazy with assumptions and over analyze the situation. You’re just dating and getting to know each other. Enjoy the journey.
Julie Spira is an online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
How Music Can Enhance Your Online Dating Profile
So you’ve joined an online dating site and have uploaded your profile information, but you’re disappointed that the responses and views are slim-to-none.
You realize that you don’t have a catchy screen name and sadly failed creative writing in high school. So what can you do to grab the attention of a potential digital suitor?
When I write Irresistible dating profiles for singles looking for love online, I spend a lot of time talking to them about what they are the most passionate about. Whether it’s music, art, travel, or hiking, singles need to make it easy for others to write to them with a more than just generic topic.
Still, it’s difficult for most singles to create a catchy screen name or headline. If you’re still stumped, my recommendation is to think about the songs you love. Do you remember hearing a song on the radio that made you hum in the car? If so, it’s time to play “Name that Online Dating Tune.”
It’s simple to do. Just find the title or lyrics of a song that makes you smile and might be familiar to those viewing your profile. Poof. You now have a catchy screen name. When you use a partial lyric from a song, invite those looking at your profile to fill in the blanks. It’s fun, it’s flirty, engaging and it works.
When I heard the song “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John on the radio, I decided to use the first line of “Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady….” as a catchy screen name. The first sentence of the profile bio started with, “Seamstress for what band?” The views to the dating profile increased by over 1000%. Some who knew the answer wrote about their favorite Elton John song. Others who didn’t know the answer took action and actually did a Google search and typed in the lyrics to find the answer to respond correctly. They viewed, they winked, and they replied. If you need a little help, here’s a site with 10 Best Opening Lyrics. Make sure to read the long list of comments filled with other song title ideas.
Have you used songs in your online dating profiles? Feel free to comment and if you get a moment VOTE for us for Best Dating Blog. We’re honored to be a finalist and would be thrilled to win.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profile over 15 years ago. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Will All the Men Online Stop Frowning? Online Dating Profiles [Infographic]
We sure love these Infographics, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and online dating.
The Truth About Online Dating created a fun one for Valentine’s Day with statistics about Online Dating: Men vs. Women, by grabbing statistics from OkCupid and Wikipedia
Are you surprised at these results? Men lie three times as much as women about their relationship status, age, and real last names on a first date.
In addition, 50% of men didn’t smile on their online dating profiles? What’s up guys? Women want to see a happy man just as much as you’d like to see a confident smiling woman.
Full post @The Truth About Online Dating
Online Dating Expert With Top Profile Tips [video]
Watch online dating expert Julie Spira in a conversation with GenConnect’s Nancy Spears. Julie shares her favorite and best Internet dating profile tips to help you get noticed while looking for love online.
Remember to have a catchy screen name, wear colorful outfits in your profile photos, and join more than one online dating site to cast a wide net.
For more dating tips, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and join our conversation at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira.
Today Show – How to Create an Irresistible Online Dating Profile
On the Today Show, Kathie Lee and Hoda were joined by Cosmopolitan magazine’s Editor-in-Chief Kate White to talk about one of my favorite subjects, How to Create an Irresistible Dating Profile.
Among the terrific tips, Kate suggested using bullet points in your profile instead of a long, dragged out paragraph and to update your profile to keep it fresh and appearing high in a search.
Although Kate can’t create your personalized online dating profile for you, it’s something that we do every day with our signature irresistible profiles. Enjoy the video and if you need some additional help while looking for love online, let us know at CyberDatingExpert.com/irresistible-profiles
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Weekly Flirt
Click here and let the flirting begin >>>
Cyber Specials – Irresistible Coaching and Online Dating Profiles
Did you miss our Cyber Monday special?
No need to fret, there’s still time to have an irresistible online dating profile in time for the holidays.
For details and to orders yours, click here.
Announcing the Looking for Love Online Contest Winners
It’s been a fun summer at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters helping singles with their Irresistible online dating profiles, cheering them on when they happily retire them in favor of finding themselves in a committed relationship, and best of all, reading your online dating stories that you shared on Facebook and at CyberDatingExpert.com.
Now that summer is almost over, it’s time to announce the winners of the Looking for Love Online summer promotion.
In the category of worst date, our winner is Teresa Marroquin from Texas.
Teresa will receive a complimentary Irresistible online dating profile and a 3-month membership to Match.com. In her submission, Teresa’s online date flew from Philadelphia to visit her for four days in Texas.
Find out why her date turned out to be a “Gorilla Guido,” and wasn’t what she expected.
“A guy came from Philly, PA to meet me & visit me in south Texas for 4 days, just two weeks ago. This guy is a “Gorilla Guido” type guy btw. We get ready to go to the club, he starts to get ready, just like you see in the show Jersey Shore but 10x worse. We get in the car to leave and he is shirtless. We get in the parking lot and he needs to “pump up” before we can go in, so he starts to do pushups shirtless and says he’d be using his dumbbells too, but didn’t bring them.”
“He didn’t want me talking to anyone, he didn’t want me to say hi to anyone, I was stuck against the wall & wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone. We called it an early night. Early the next morning he snuck out while I was still asleep. He text messaged me telling me he felt guilty for leaving his son back home. He still calls me his wifey, texts me, and wants me to go up to Philly to visit! I don’t think I’m the only one he saw while he was down here in Texas.”
In the category of funniest date, our winner is Carol McLeod Sanders from Alabama. Carol will receive a complimentary online dating profile critique and an autographed copy of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Carol’s funniest date was with a man over 60 years older than her.
“My funniest date was with an 84 yr. old man when I was 22. We were walking about a mile back to his home and my car. During the walk from the Parade, he conned me into thinking he couldn’t go to the Homecoming game because he had no ticket or a way to go. I gave him a ticket and told him I would pick him up. When I got to his house, there were five sets of eyes peering thru his curtains! When we got to the game they all mysteriously showed up.
I knew then I had been duped! I ended up buying drinks and food for six men instead of one. But we had a ball !! I never saw these men again but they smiled from ear to ear all day!”
All of those who entered the contest will receive a free email online dating profile critique. All of us at Cyber-Dating Expert thank you for participating and sharing your stories.
If you’re truly ready to become irresistible and want to know the secrets to finding love online, let us know. With the change of seasons, many singles are joining online dating sites and are ready to find love.
For more dating advice, follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Do Internet Daters Suffer from Online Dating Fatigue?
Lately, I’ve been questioning whether singles who are members of online dating sites really want to meet someone and create a real relationship that goes from online to offline, or just spend time hanging out in cyberspace. It appears that many daters are suffering from a relationship syndrome called ODF, the acronym for online dating fatigue. It can also be defined as IDF, Internet dating fatigue.
While I might sound like eHarmony’s founder Neil Clark Warren, who wrote an article on Huffington Post, On Second Thought, Don’t Get Married, where I’m telling online daters that they might need to take a break as well, there’s some truth to ODF. In Warren’s article, he questioned whether marriage has become obsolete. The article is still being talked about and was shared by over 4000 people on Facebook and Twitter and “liked” by over 13,000 people. Something to ponder.
As an online dating expert and coach, I’m not suggesting you should abandon online dating completely, but instead consider taking a break and return refreshed, along with a new set of rules and digital tools that might increase your chances of success. Just as athletes get muscle fatigue, daters do get online dating fatigue.
In my coaching practice, I meet singles and divorcee’s who are already fed up with the process. There are several reasons why I believe they’re suffering from ODF, and am here to provide some suggestions and online dating tips that just might wake you up from the exhausting process.
1. You’re tired of logging on and coming up empty handed.
You go to the gym three times a week, meet your friends for drinks twice a week, and spend an hour a day logging on to your online dating account to view photos of eligible singles. You hand pick 10 men or women to write to and take the time to personalize the subject line. The result is, no one ever writes back. You don’t know why they weren’t interested, wondered if they had an inactive profile where they couldn’t read your email, or were testing the waters with a few others and would consider you for the future. You diligently send emails more often-than-not, and still wake up to an empty inbox. It’s discouraging, I know. You feel like it’s a chore.
2. You’re tired of trying to create interesting introduction emails.
You know you’re smart, witty, and have that great sense of humor everyone advertises that they’re looking for. Yet, you find it hard to write an introduction email that will be catchy and stand out. You didn’t grow up wanting to be a copywriter, so your personality doesn’t shine. As a result, you spend less time logging on. Finding a date or a mate goes down a notch or two on the totem pole. You’ve worked hard all day at work. You really don’t want to work that hard when you get home. The end result is, you lose interest. You’re suffering from ODF.
Take for example *Mike (name changed), who has been sending the same 770 word count email about himself for four years to women promising a lifetime of happiness. He wrote a novel with over 50 sentences to introduce himself.
Chances are Mike never reads the profiles of the pretty faces he views. He diligently copies the same email daily and sends it cold to women with a shotgun approach. His subject line is empty and says, (none). Sure online dating is a numbers game, but if you aren’t an educated player, your email may end up deleted by the third sentence. I finally had to tell him, “Copy + paste = erase” and suggested that he leave the novel at home. He didn’t appreciate my constructive criticism and is still single to this day.
3. You’re too picky.
If anyone has ever suggested that you might be too picky, chances are, they’re right. Your list may be so long on your profile, that it discourages would-be suitors to find someone more easy-going. If your search parameters are too narrow, it’s rare that you’ll find a compatible partner, online or offline.
Take *Janie for example. She’s a vivacious woman with a lot to offer a man. She has a successful career, beautiful home, loves to cook, and really wanted to fall in love. She came to me as a last resort, having been single for a decade. I looked at her profile and her search requirements were so limiting. She only wanted to meet a man who lived within a five-mile radius of where she resided. Her age parameters only spanned five years. It was an impossible task with unrealistic expectations. She didn’t realize it, but she was too picky. We broadened her search to 40 miles and expanded her age range to 12-years, 6 older and 6 younger than herself. She’s now dating someone age-appropriate who lives a town away. Are you too picky? If so, it’s time to cast a wider net.
4. You’re unavailable.
You wouldn’t send a resume looking for your dream job without an email and phone contact for the recruiter to call you for the job interview, so you shouldn’t be so difficult to reach to set up a date.
Take *Bill, a handsome and successful man as an example. He always makes a good first impression in his introductory emails. He sends the women his phone number along with a message telling them that he’s only available to speak at 12pm and 9pm. Most people have busy lives, both personally and professionally. So if a woman called Bill outside of those two limited time slots, they’d not only get his voicemail, but he also had “call intercept” on his line requesting that you announce yourself before he’d pick up the call. Pre-screening your date’s inbound phone call is a netiquette no-no. Of course most of the women hung up. Bill’s still single. A little more flexibility and removing call intercept on his phone to make time for love might help with his search. If you want to get on his or her date card, you need to move the process along from the initial email and find the time to put a real date on the calendar.
5. You’ve gone on too many first dates.
You’ve managed to pass the dating filters, sent a few emails and text messages back-and-forth, and the first phone call went well. You dined at a restaurant that you hoped might impress him or her. The process took about two weeks, but it seems you never graduate to a second date. While the reasons may vary, most include:
- He or she didn’t look like their photo
- There was no chemistry
- He or she never called again
- He or she didn’t respond to your text or email message
You thought the first date went well. They laughed at your jokes and said they’d like to see you again. You spent precious resources of time and money on the dating process with no return on your investment.
Yes, dating can be expensive, but you don’t need to dine at the Four Seasons to impress someone. These days, it’s not unhip to use a deal-of-the-day coupon or Groupon for a dating idea, providing you’re not only asking for two-for-one yogurt at $4.99. The result is, you’re wallet is now thin and you still find yourself alone on date night. You get frustrated with the process and end up with ODF.
If any of these five scenarios sound familiar, you’re not alone. Online dating fatigue is very real. Sometimes you need to take a break, other times you need to fine tune your profile or change your parameters and habits. At the end of the digital day, there are over 120 million singles in the world looking for love online. Not everyone suffers from online dating fatigue.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, social media strategist and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Connect with Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Cyber Love Story – Elizabeth and Josh
Cyber Love Story of the Week - Elizabeth and Joshua
I often say that the best things in life are worth waiting for and that you need to be proactive about finding love, both online and offline.
In a heartwarming story, our friends at Match.com have just announced that brunette beauty Elizabeth Kitt, one of the hopefuls in The Bachelor, found love on their online dating site, after her two unsuccessful attempts on national television.
After having her heart broken in both The Bachelor and The Bachelor Pad, Elizabeth found herself alone in her apartment in Los Angeles. She finally decided to take matters into her own digital hands and signed up for a 6-month membership to Match.
“Starting off on Match.com was an immediate thrill,” said Elizabeth. She added, “I decided to have fun with it and not take each date too seriously. When I got a message from someone who seemed interesting, I immediately set up a time to meet. I went on tons of dates in those 6 months!”
Towards the end of her 6-month subscription, Elizabeth received a message from a guy named Joshua that read, “In case you missed the first one.” The note jumped out at her because she had, in fact, missed the first message. After reading his online dating profile and looking at his photos, she sent him a message, “Let’s meet up! Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”
Elizabeth enjoyed her first date conversation with Joshua. At the end of the date he asked her how he could get a second date with her. She paused for a minute and asked him, “Well, how many dates have you been on from Match.com?” To her, surprise he told her that she was his very first online date.
When Elizabeth got home, she sent him a text with her dating advice that said, “You will get your second date with me as soon as you have gone on 5 first dates from Match.com. Joshua was up for the challenge and kept Elizabeth posted on the progress of each date.
Both Elizabeth and Joshua continued to date others, but realized after the 5-date challenge that they wanted to be together and had found their soul mates.
Congratulations to Elizabeth and Joshua, our Cyber Love Story of the Week who put their new relationship to the test and won with flying colors.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Facebook
GooglePlus
Twitter
LinkedIn
