Peril of the Week – No Photo, No Class
August 26, 2010
The online dating profile of a sophisticated woman simply stated, contact me if my profile piques your curiosity. The response rate was high from men curious to know more about this mysterious woman who was a bestselling author. On the list of her favorite items was the name of a well-respected magazine, Vanity Fair, which she reads from cover-to-cover every month to enrich her life.
Sharing hobbies and interests is an important part of your online dating profile. Favorite movies, books, travel spots, they all give an indication of what you like to do in your spare time.
You can’t imagine how stunned she was one day when she received an email from a man without a profile photo. This man decided to make it a point to insult a woman he never met.
His email simply stated the following:
Photo: None
Subject matter: He typed the word, “None.”
A bit confused by the introduction, the body of the email was quite insulting. It simply stated:
“Your intelligence can be determined by what you read, and it certainly can be stimulated by penetrating reading.”
“Vanity Fair is definitely not an example of profound literature, but it’s the only reading that apparently you’ve done recently and that you’re proud to share with others. I can’t imagine that your book has any depth if what you’ve been feeding your brain is essentially tabloid trivia.”
On a personal note, the woman who was the recipient of this email was none other than myself. One has to ask, what is the purpose of deliberately insulting someone they have never met? And why hide behind a profile without a photo? My mother always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” My mother’s dating advice is smart. She’s a wise woman.
Do you have an online dating story to share? For consideration in the Peril of the Week, please send us your stories.
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Why People Lie in their Online Dating Profiles
July 15, 2010
Lately, more than ever, the subject of lying in one’s cyberdating profile has become a hot topic. Some have become accustomed to the age, height, and income exaggerations for the benefit of showing up in a search.
It appears that lying on your profiles never goes out of style. It’s become a bit of an epidemic. On July 29, I will be a guest on The Stars of PR with Cindy R at 7am/PT. Her radio show segment is called The Big Lie on VoiceAmerica Radio Network. Cindy contacted me as lying has become so in vogue that she wanted to do an entire segment on why singles lie to fit into a search. Just days later after confirming my show segment with Cindy Rakowitz, my friend Sam Yagan at OkCupid sent me an email with their latest statistical great post in OkTrends called The Big Lies People Tell in Online Dating. I am a big fan of OkCupid and always look forward to their blogposts.
Let’s take a deeper look at OkCupid’s findings, which are not shocking. Of course, I’ll toss my two cents in.
1. Height – Reality: People are 2 inches shorter in real life. If you have read my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online
My first entry simply said:
WHAT THEY SAY: Male: Height 5’7″
WHAT THEY MEAN: Male: Height 5’5″
It appears things have not changed in the past few years.
2. Income – Reality: People are 20% poorer than they say they are.
OkCupid says that apparently, an online dater’s imagination is the best performing mutual fund of the last 10 years. I have to agree. More often than not, men are not putting their income on their profiles so they don’t have to see for themselves what the economy has done. Others aren’t interested in finding gold diggers. A recent online dater that I know of listed his previous salary which was 50% higher than his current income. He was in his 50s. He also said he was divorced, however he was “separated, divorce pending.” Interesting data from OkCupid.
3. Photos – REALITY: The more attractive the picture, the more likely it is to be out-of-date.
OkCupid has some terrific tricks to determine when a photo was actually taken. It’s worth taking a look at. Their findings claim that “most of the pictures on their online dating site were of recent vintage; site-wide the median photo age at upload was just 92 days. However, hotter photos were much more likely to be outdated than normal ones.”
I don’t disagree, but here’s a refreshing and amusing twist on the other side. A recent dater that I know of sat across from his attractive date and confessed the following: “I’m sorry. I’m uncomfortable. You appear too young for me.” Yes, you read this correctly. He was expecting an older woman, someone closer in age to himself or at least visually closer in age to his ex-wife, and not a woman that appeared closer in age to his daughter.
He added that, “Most women lie about their age in their profiles so I was hoping you would be older. You look younger than your photo.” Now, this isn’t the norm, but are we accustomed to being disappointed on our first dates to the fact that if you do indeed look like your profile it is a complete shock?
4. Swinging Both Ways – REALITY: 80% of self-identified bisexuals are only interested in one gender.
OkCupid claims to be a gay-friendly site and has some interesting statistics about their members in their study. The fantasy is clearly greater than the reality.
Feel free to comment and share your opinion. Do you lie on your online dating profile? Have your expectations been lowered to the point that you are in shock when someone looks like their profile and accurately represents themselves?
I hope you listen to our radio show segment on this subject on July 22, 2010.
Julie Spira is known as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She created her first online dating profile in 1994. She is the author of bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberdatingExpert.com. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira. Like the Fan Page
Is Online Dating Really Like Looking for a Job? [video]
June 30, 2010
Often I am asked why it is so difficult in finding someone online. It’s not unusual to get overwhelmed by the process, but is it really like job hunting?
I say yes. Do I believe in love at first sight? View my video on GenConnect TV with my dating advice on how to create a rockstar online dating profile.
For more dating advice, visit CyberDatingExpert.com
The Love Doctor on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
June 19, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where Dr. Terri L. Orbuch, The Love Doctor for SeniorPeopleMeet.com provided terrific online dating tips for singles of all ages. Senior People Meet focuses on singles in the 50+ crowd who are interested in finding love online.
Hear Dr. Terri’s dating advice for:
* Online dating safety
* When to introduce your date to your children
* Why physical qualities are important to both men and women
* When to take down your online dating profile
Listen to the program to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
IRRESISTIBLE Coaching
June 10, 2010
Welcome to IRRESISTIBLE Coaching by Julie Spira, where we help you fall in love in a Web 2.0 World.
Why select IRRESISTIBLE Coaching?
- Your friends are no longer setting you up
- You spend Saturday nights home alone
- You need a date for a special event
- You want to get married
- You keep attracting unavailable men
- You want to meet MORE quality dates
- You see and hear about success stories from other online daters and wonder why it hasn’t happened to you
- You’ve tried online dating, but it hasn’t worked for you yet.
- You’ve been on too many FIRST DATES
- You want to expand your social network
With IRRESISTIBLE Coaching, you’ll get the following:
- An online dating profile so IRRESISTIBLE, you’ll end up with an overflowing Inbox
- Work with a dating coach and expert who has over 15 years of experience on multiple sites
- Increased self-esteem to attract MORE QUALITY available singles into your world
- Become a MAN MAGNET and find your dream date
- Learn how to EXACTLY find the man of your dreams
- Master the art of FLIRTING to keep a man captivated
- Know what to wear, say, and do on a first date
- Customized dating analysis, just for you
- Know EXACTLY how to create an initial email to get more quality responses
Sign up now for IRRESISTIBLE Coaching
Here’s what they are saying about IRRESISTIBLE Coaching with Julie Spira
- “Julie’s dating advice has changed my life and led to dozens and dozens of dates!” ~Robin-48
- “My Cosmo Radio girls are always asking how to date online. Julie knows her stuff like no one else. She is truly the pioneer of online dating.” ~Diana Falzone, Host-Cosmolicious, CosmoRadio
- “ I worked with Julie Spira to rewrite my online dating profile. With her help and coaching, I was able to find more quality women to write to online.” ~Dean-35
- “I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t attracting quality men online. Julie Spira looked at my profile and with her suggested changes, the type of guys that have reached out to me have greatly improved.”~Brady-25
- ” Julie helped me create a new Internet dating profile that described me in a better way to attract more quality men. It didn’t take long before I started to receive more emails from men that I was interested in.” ~Janice -56
Andrea Syrtash on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
April 24, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
If you missed hearing relationship author Andrea Syrtash at the 140 Characters Conference this week in New York, now’s your chance to listen to her first radio interview about her new book, He’s Just Not Your Type (and that’s a good thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It
You will hear what it means to shift your attitude from ignoring those who you believe aren’t your type with a full discussion on NT’s (non-types).
Hear Andrea’s online dating dos and don’ts about creating a successful online dating profile and how to live a more authentic life filled with joy.
Listen now to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Cosmo’s Ky Henderson – What a Guy Thinks on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
April 10, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where our featured guest, Ky Henderson, Deputy Articles Editor at Cosmopolitan magazine shared his personal thoughts and expert dating advice on how men think in relationships.
Find out what Ky thinks about women initiating contact while dating online, how many photos a woman should have on her online dating profile, and the importance of sending a romantic text.
Hear why men love bad girls and why they are intimidated by Sex and the City.
You’ll also hear Ky’s opinion on why men cheat, Facebook relationship status notifications and more on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Julie Spira.
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Cosmopolitan
April 8, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Mark your calendar for Saturday, April 10, 2010 at 2pm/ET as we welcome Ky Henderson, an editor at Cosmopolitan magazine to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Ky answers questions about sex and relationships in his popular Ask Him Anything column. Now is your chance to speak directly to an editor at Cosmo and find out what makes a woman desirable to a man and what attracts a man to a particular type of online dating profile. You’ll hear more about Guys Uncensored: What’s Overrated vs. What’s Underrated and get the male point of view to be fully ready for your next cyberdate.
Call in at 646-929-0012 or join our live chat room during the broadcast at BlogTalkRadio.com/CyberDatingExpert where you can learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
eHarmony on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
April 3, 2010
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where my guest, Dr. Gian Gonzaga – Senior Director of Research and Development at eHarmony and eHarmony Labs talked about why their site is so successful at creating long-term relationships.
Find out why their site is responsible for over 2% of all marriages in the U.S.
Learn from his suggestions for creating a successful online dating profile.
Coffee dates or dinner? You’ll find out His opinions on how to have a successful first date.
Listen to hear more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
CyberDating Tips for Spring Fever
March 22, 2010
It’s the first week of Spring and if love isn’t in the air yet, I’ll give you a cyber-nudge with some dating advice to help along.
Whether you are interested in a spring fling or finding a serious relationship, be open to all of the possibilities. With the change of seasons comes a new attitude, both online and offline. Outdoor cafes are filled with patrons again. Convertible tops are down, and it’s time to tune up your flirting techniques and jump back on the cyber-dating saddle.
With this in mind, here are a few Cyber-Dating Tips for those with Spring Fever and those who might benefit from the contagious effect the season brings.
Cyber-Dating Tip #1 – Dress for Success. Appearance counts online and offline. After all, isn’t it your goal to turn that online romance into an offline relationship? Spend an afternoon spring-cleaning session in your very own closet. Recycle a dress or pant suit in your closet and make it your first date outfit.
Cyber-Dating Tip #2 – Sensual Scent. Try a fresh new perfume or cologne to wear on your first online date. Hopefully your date won’t be allergic and will find your sexy scent appealing enough to graduate to a second date.
Cyber-Dating Tip #3 – Turn on your webcam. Many online dating sites now offer webcam or video chat as part of their features. Go ahead and put on your lipstick and comb your hair. Remember to smile. It’s show time. By using video chat, your potential honey will know it’s the real you and not your younger sister. This will prevent that disappointing look one receives when the photos of their cyber-dates don’t match up in real life.
Cyber-Dating Tip #4 – Renew and Refresh. If you’ve let your online dating account expire, go ahead and renew your membership. Refresh your profile with new photos and a new catchy screen name. Need a little help? Check out IRRESISTIBLE profiles, and we’ll help you in your quest to find love online.
Cyber-Dating Tip #5 – It’s a numbers game. We know that online dating can be a lot of work and is time consuming. So is finding your dream job and working out at the gym. Allocate an hour a day every day to your online dating site. Respond to, or write to at least 5 online profiles every day for one week and see what happens. Check out who’s viewed your profile or added you to their favorites or hot lists and send them an email. Initiate the conversation and you may find someone who will be so flattered to hear from you.
If you are lucky in love and meet the one online, let us know. We may feature you in the Cyber Love Story of the Week.
Julie Spira is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
