Julie Spira on Good Day LA – Online Dating Tips for Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart’s decision to join Match.com is still a hot topic. If Martha loves dating, of course she should join the millions of singles who are members of an online dating site.
As a guest on the FOX News show, Good Day LA I spoke with Steve Edwards and Robin Sax with suggestions for Martha’s new online dating profile.
I believe Martha needs to create a catchy screen name. Using her real name of Martha Stewart is fine for Linkedin and Twitter, but since she says she feels like she’s 45-50, then she should create a fun and flirty user name for her profile. Martha’s new profile reveals that she’s selected the title of her new book as her screen name. In her profile, of TheGoodLongLife, she indicates that she’s seeking men 55-70 who make $150,000 or more.
Martha should post 3-5 recent photos of herself, but resist the urge to use her magazine cover to treat her online dating profile like a magazine spread. Those photos should be posted on Facebook instead. So far, she’s only posted two pictures. I guess she’s dipping her toes in slowly.
Martha should list some of her recipes under hobbies. She could say that she bakes an amazing key lime pie and then ask a question such as, “Have you ever tried key lime pie or lobster bisque?” It’s no secret that men love to be fed and this gives the men a reason to write to her.
Online dating can be overwhelming. Martha should create an organizational spreadsheet. My coaching clients all receive a Dating Docket, which they fill out to keep all of their dates straight. After all, she wouldn’t want to call Robert by the name of last night’s date, if his name was actually Richard.
What are you dating tips for Martha Stewart? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Full article on My Fox LA
Filter and flirt: How to find love online
Online dating is much like panning for gold – often, there’s a lot to filter through before anything of value turns up. Key attributes of successful daters include having an open mind and a dedication to what can be a longer process than anticipated.
Passing the various milestones on the way to that special relationship can sometimes also require a little ingenuity and a lot of originality.
The ‘delete’ button can be quick and merciless, so it’s important to think carefully before sending your initial email.
Our friends at eHarmony Canada offer Cyber Dating Expert readers these 6 tips to finding love online in this week’s guest post.
1. Seek out the wheat.
Some in the online dating world complain that the only messages they receive are from undesirable people or those who are not within their search parameters. If this is the case, a simple remedy is to actively seeking out profiles which fit your criteria. Don’t be afraid to write the first message – passivity is a big no-no in the Internet dating world. The competition is fierce and there’s little reward for those who are meek.
2. Take time to read profiles.
Showing that you’ve actually read through someone’s profile is always a good start. Well-respected dating sites such as eHarmony report that messages which include phrases such as ‘good taste’ and ‘you mention’ tend to get high response rates. This is because of the simple fact that they make the recipient feel interesting.
Try and mirror the way a person writes – whether they’re wry, eccentric, earnest or intellectual. Don’t fake it though – if you struggle to think like someone else, they’re probably not a very suitable match.
3. When and when not to compliment.
Compliments aren’t always good. One of the biggest mistakes made in online dating is to compliment someone on their physical appearance. People want to feel like they’re more than just their looks. Instead, compliment them on something that they’ve written or done
4. Keep it short and sweet.
Messages that are overly long can be difficult to reply to. Instead, send no more than three or four sentences while you get to know someone. One of these should ask the recipient a question to encourage a response.
5. No obligation to write back.
It’s important to remember that there are no obligations to reply to every email in online dating. If an in-built sense of courtesy requires that you do write back, keep the message short and to the point. If you don’t want to receive further messages, say that and wish them the best of luck with their search. Trying to take the sting out of a rejection only confuses things.
6. Don’t take it personally
Even the most excellent communication can fall apart. If someone you thought you were building a relationship stops messaging you, don’t blame yourself. People drop out of online dating sites for any number of reasons. As is frequently said, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.
Need a little help with your online dating profile? Online Dating Expert Julie Spira creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
National Punctuation Day – Dating Punctuation and Grammar
Just one grammatically incorrect sentence in an online dating profile can turn off a potential date from responding to your email or contacting you. Has your Internet dating profile been proof-read and passed the spell-check and grammar check?
On National Punctuation Day, we challenge everyone to review their dating profiles and double check their emails before pushing the send button. We know that auto-correct software sometimes has a digital mind of it’s own. This can result in blowing your chances with that cute hunk that you think might be “the one.”
Simple things such as making sure that words such as “I” are capitalized and that you avoid using acronyms and emoticons are critical if you want to be at the top of his or her list.
Remember to proof read your emails before pressing the send button and take an extra moment today to review your profiles.
If you’re looking for a profile that’s irresistible, contact us for more information on Irresistible Profiles to help you attract your dream date.
Happy Dating.
Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating and relationship expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Cyber Love Story – Doreen and Keith
Meet Doreen and Keith, our featured online dating success story who met on OkCupid.
After 15 years of marriage, newly divorced Doreen decided to give online dating a try. Doreen’s irresistible profile on OkCupid, along with the catchy screen name of Smiling Artist captured Keith’s attention.
When Keith wrote to Doreen in May, she initially decided to ignore his email. “I wasn’t crazy about his profile because in one of his photos, he was showing off just his arm with his flexed muscle,” said Doreen. Thinking it was tacky, Doreen took a pass on Keith. (Note: Photos matter and men posing without shirts can be a turn off to women)
A few days later, Doreen received a second email. “I think you’re too gorgeous to let you slip by,” wrote Keith. “I’m normal, have two legs and two arms. I think you should take a chance.” (Note: Sending a second email can work)
Keith’s sense of humor made Doreen laugh. Realizing that he was probably just joking around with the muscle shot, she decided to respond. (Note: Women love a man with a sense of humor.)
Keith, the devoted father of two, had been divorced for three years. He asked Doreen out to dinner. About a week later, they had their first date. “I felt safe with Keith and there was something about him that made me feel relaxed and comfortable in his presence,” said Doreen. She realized that Keith wasn’t a player and decided to try to get to know him better. On the couple’s second date, they went bowling. Their third date followed shortly afterwards, where the two went hiking.
On their 4th date, Keith invited Doreen to go on a romantic vacation to the Virgin Islands for her birthday. She wondered if she should accept his offer so early in the relationship. I suggested that she accept only on the terms that she would have her own room. Doreen initially declined his offer to go on the Caribbean vacation. Keith started emailing Doreen photos of the Caribbean, along with his company and Linkedin profiles to prove he was real.
After a few weeks, Doreen agreed to go on the trip with the one condition; she must have her own hotel room. Keith gladly accepted Doreen’s request and the two started planning their first vacation away together.
While in the island of St. Martin, Keith told Doreen he loved her for the first time. “I hope I’m making it perfectly clear how I feel about you,” said Keith. “I’m in love with you. I’m not telling you this to hear it back. I’m just letting you know how I feel.” Keith added, “I’ve never felt this way before, but I can’t help how I feel. I just want you to know.”
On their way home while at Passport Control, the Customs agent asked the happy couple if they were returning from their honeymoon. “Next time this year, I hope to say yes,” answered Keith.
After three months, Doreen realized that she felt the same way. Unconditionally, she told Keith that she was in love with him as well and couldn’t be happier.
Congratulations to Keith and Doreen who found love online after 50.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Share your stories on our Facebook page
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Why Criticizing an Online Dating Profile Will Backfire
Now it’s time for some online dating advice worth sharing.
While I’m a fan of JDate and recommend the site to many Jewish singles that I create irresistible online dating profiles for, this recent introduction message from a man who actually liked a woman’s profile, broke multiple rules of netiquette.
What exactly did he do wrong?
He corrected what he believed was a grammatical error and took it one step further and took a screen-shot of the improper sentence and forwarded it to her in his introductory email.
Where was his dating etiquette? How could he not know he was making a huge dating mistake? First impressions do matter, so of course he blew any chance of meeting her. Should she give forgive him? Would you run the other way or laugh it off? Feel free to chime in with your comments.
Subject: Commented on your profile essay
Woman’s Profile
While I believe you should use the “Spelling and Grammar” check on business and social emails, “aspires” was not incorrectly spelled and slipped through the cracks. If you look closely at his comment, ironically you’ll notice a few grammatical errors on his end as he typed “U” instead of the word” you” and “sayin” instead of “saying.” Was the pot calling the digital kettle black? Should you use slang and shorten words in an email if you’re not limited to 140 Characters on Twitter or 160 in a text message?
As an online dating expert and one who diligently preaches about first impressions and netiquette, he failed miserably.
Stunned by receiving this email from a potential suitor, the recipient decided she had four choices:
- Ignore him.
- Delete his email and possibly block his profile.
- Write back and laugh it off.
- Write back and let him know he was correct about one thing. He was indeed a jerk.
She chose option four and responded as follows:
Subject: Re: Commented on your profile essay
“While I appreciate a profile with perfect punctuation, I don’t believe an introduction email to someone whose profile you actually liked should start with a critique unless they’ve asked for one.”
“However, since punctuation and grammar are important to you, please note in your email to me, that the word “you” is spelled improperly as “U” and not y-o-u. Please note that there is no such word in the dictionary of “sayin.” The appropriate spelling of that word should have a “g” at the end of it and should be “saying.”
“However, you did spell the word jerk correctly.”
Was it too harsh of a reply? What would you have done?
Feeling completely embarrassed, the gentleman pursuer wrote a 300+ word apology letter, blaming his behavior on his father. Was it a red flag that he put the blame on his father or just a witty apology? She appreciated that he didn’t get defensive and a cyber flame war was not initiated.
His Apology
“Thank you for your note and other than attempt to explain (not sure that’s possible), I apologize and am truly sorry for sending that note to you, truly. Jerk is correct and more than kind and again, rather than you simply dismissing this stupidity with no response, I can’t thank you enough for your words, thoughts and feelings in your response.”
“I’m sure you are familiar with the expression ‘like father, like son’, this is something my father would do, his intent was well meaning, but it came across rude and insensitive. I dubbed his stupidity to other family members as, ‘foot in mouth disease’. What possessed me to send this e-mail to you was sheer stupidity, for the life of me I can’t figure it out…just trying to do the right thing, in an ass backward manner.”
“Although you may not believe me…I am not a jerk. You’re correct in that I truly enjoyed and appreciated reading your profile, however, in attempting to be a good citizen, much the same as flashing my headlights to an oncoming car whose lights are off after sunset, I fell victim to my dad’s ‘foot in mouth disease’.”
“Yes, I had plans of reaching out to you tomorrow, in the hopes after reading my profile, you felt meeting one another made sense.”
“I’m so very upset, I felt I owed it to you to apologize as soon as I read your note.”
“I’m hoping you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Should you be receptive to starting over with one another, I’m messaging you for all the reasons you state within that portion of your profile, as well as your straightforwardness, ‘current’ age and beautiful ‘current ‘pictures.”
“Again, thank you for taking the time to send your note, which surely helps me from repeating this same jerky behavior.”
At the end of the digital day, critiquing someone’s dating profile will get you in the doghouse. Would you give him a second chance, or the opportunity at a first chance? Have you ever critiqued a stranger’s online dating profile? Have you ever done this same? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps singles ride off into the digital sunset by shortening their search. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Photo Credit: © Blanca – Fotolia.com
Why You Need an Irresistible Dating Profile
It’s no surprise that it’s competitive online. Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon, but often your profile is ho-hum. The result is your inbox may be rather empty. There’s no need to quit after a week or a month, but you should think about having a digital facelift to ramp up your search.
Before you hang up your digital hat, know that it doesn’t take an army to help you create an irresistible online dating profile, but just like a good newspaper or magazine article, you do need to stand out in the crowded marketplace.
Here are five tips that you can try on your own. If you need a little hand-holding, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com and we’ll get you started in no time.
Tips for Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile
1. Create a Catchy Screen Name. Stumped as to what’s catchy? You’d be surprised how many people take the random name assigned by the computer. Suzie12389 isn’t as catchy as BalletDancerinNY. If you’re still scratching your head and your favorite name is taken, remember the lyrics to a song that you were singing to in the car. How Music Can Enhance Your Online Dating Profile
2. Be Specific. While browsing through profiles, you might notice that so many just seem to look alike. Who wants to date a plain vanilla when they can have sugar and spice or cookies and cream? Don’t say you like music. Say you like classic rock music and are a Bruce Springsteen fanatic as you grew up in New Jersey. Who knows? You might get invited to a concert. Don’t say you like to travel, but say you loved skiing in Lake Tahoe one winter at a specific ski resort. Get the picture?
3. It’s all About the Photos. If hiring a professional photographer is in your budget, it’s an excellent idea. Perhaps you don’t need to buy that extra dress on sale. If not, grab a friend with a digital camera and snap about 100 photos in 5 different outfits. You can always fall back on browsing the photos you’ve uploaded on Facebook to add to your profile. Men are visual. If you look like you’re photo, he’ll be pleasantly surprised and will let you know. Most men are disappointed when you post photos from your Senior Prom, or that are a decade old. Post 3-5 photos, and remember to make one of them a full-length shot. Hint: He might be checking Facebook to see if your online dating photos resemble those you’ve posted on Facebook.
4. Leave the Novel at Home. There’s no need to reveal all. Sometimes, less is more. Profiles with over 200 words will be looked over after the first few sentences. It’s best to leave some mystery for your phone conversations and when you meet in real life.
5. Leave the Baggage Behind. Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, ex-spouse, or ex-boss for that matter, no one wants to hear your dirty laundry. Avoid being the “Debbie Downer” of online dating and write about things you love. Everyone has had a bad date or two, but it’s not worth broadcasting. Ask yourself what you’re the most passionate about and let your potential date know what brings you joy.
At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. With over 120 million people worldwide logging on looking for love, there’s no better way to fill your date card until you find “the one.”
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating and relationship advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
How to Change Your Screen Name on Match.com
Just like seasons change, so should your online dating profile. Often your user name and headline became stale, and you really don’t want to look like yesterday’s news.You don’t read the same book every day, and your profile should be refreshed to stay current.
While it’s simple to change your photos and upload photos from Facebook on your Match profile, it’s not as easy to change your screen name and headline.
Let’s start with the screen name. Is yours catchy enough? Probably not. When we create irresistible profiles for singles, we spend a lot of time selecting the perfect screen name within the allotted amount of characters. Chances are your favorite screen name or song title has already been taken. When you realize it’s time to freshen it up, follow these simple steps and you’ll have a new name and headline within a few minutes.
Changing Your Screen Name on Match.com
- Log onto Match.com.
- Click on Account in the top right of the blue navigation bar.
- In the drop down menu, click on Settings.
- On the left hand side of the screen, click on Sign Up Information
- Type in your password when prompted to do so.
- Your sign information with your user name, city and other details will appear.
- Click Change Sign Up Information
- A box will appear where you can change your screen name, password, city, and other details.
- Click on the link for your user name and type in a new desired name.
If you’ve changed cities or moved across town, these same instructions will help you appear in the correct zip code. Or go ahead and be adventurous and change your zip code the week before you go on a trip to another city. It’s always wise to cast a wide net.
You may be happy with your screen name, but what if your headline isn’t very captivating? Your best bet is to change your headline to reflect a refreshed version of you. Make it fun or funny, but change it around a bit and you’ll be surprised at the results.
Changing Your Headline on Match.com
- Log onto Match.com.
- Click on Profile in the top blue navigation bar.
- In the drop down menu, click on View/Edit.
- To the right of your primary photo, you’ll see a white box with some text typed in it. This is where you’re headline appears.
- Delete the text and replace it with something new and fresh.
- Click Submit for Approval and you’re done.
At the end of the digital day, remember that online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win and having a stale profile in today’s social media friendly environment is something you should avoid.
For more information on our Irresistible Profiles program, click here.
For 20% off Match.com, click here
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. For dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Dating Advice: To Take Down, or Not to Take Down Your Profile
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Dating in a Web 2.0 World can be very tricky and emotional at times. The big drama often surrounds one pulling down their online dating profile while the other is still playing the field. I’m not into game playing and believe you should follow your heart.
However, it’s rare for two people who are in a new relationship to be on the same digital page on each and every date. While you’re in the getting-to-know you phase, the best rules are ones which include honesty and avoid entrapment.
So when I was asked by Diane Mapes to contribute to her article on Match.com’s Happen Magazine, in Pulling your profile after finding The One, I was happy to share my thoughts.
Let’s start with the unplugging parties. Should you agree to have a celebration and pull down your profiles together? It’s a growing popular trend, but I think it comes with too much pressure. If the man suggests an unplugging celebration and you feel great about it, go ahead and do so. It’s like having a digital anniversary. While I believe a woman could suggest future outings and dates, I don’t believe she should be the one to schedule a date to unplug. There’s still some old-fashioned chivalry and courtship that takes place, both online and offline.
In matters of digital courting, typically the man takes down his profile first. Perhaps he’ll share that information with his date, but if they’ve just met, it can scare a woman away. She’ll be flattered, but might not be ready to go to the next step of dating exclusively or be ready for any intimate expectations that might be expected with retiring dating profiles. If a woman takes down her profile, guys shouldn’t run away thinking she did it for them. Often a woman will receive too many emails from men she isn’t interested in, or her paid membership may have expired.
Taking down your profile as well as changing your Facebook relationship status can be a big deal and come along with 2-dimensional assumptions that could kill your relationship.
The best times to take down your profile:
1. You’re tired of online dating and are receiving too many emails from incompatible people, or too few emails to make it worth your while.
2. You have a crush on someone and you don’t want him or her to think you’re a serial dater logging in daily to see the next fresh face.
3. One has already taken their profile down and you feel you’d like to reciprocate and see where the relationship will go.
4. You both agree to date exclusively.
5. Before you become physically intimate.
The worst times to take down a profile:
1. After a first date. Sorry, it’s just too soon and will send him or her running with the fear they are in an instant relationship.
2. If you feel pressured to do so by the other party.
3. To make someone else you like feel jealous.
4. To pressure your date to do the same.
5. To hide it temporarily before your date knowing you plan on re-posting it when you get home.
When *Debbie was thinking about going on her first romantic weekend away with *Mike, it made sense for the two of them to take down their profiles. However *Mike gave her the big ultimatum. She wasn’t exactly ready to retire her profile, but he kept her on the phone and walked her through the instructions until he was satisfied that her profile was removed. Debbie found this behavior controlling and their relationship ran its course. She still tells me that she remembers the day that he forced her to take down her profile, or he’d be moving on.
When *Mark told *Jill he had taken his profile down on their 4th date, Jill was flattered, but told him she just wasn’t ready. She hoped that she would catch up, but was open to dating others still. After the 6th date, Jill decided to date Mark exclusively and took down her profile on her own. This relationship started off based upon honesty and without manipulation. Mark was willing to wait for Jill rather than leave her for a more eager face. The two eventually got engaged.
At the end of the digital day, I believe in developing the friendship part of your relationship if you’re looking for long-term love. Remember, you’ve met online and you’re creating your relationship history now offline. Taking down your profile doesn’t mean you’re going ring shopping or heading to the altar. It doesn’t mean you’re jumping into bed either. Often it’s a gesture to show genuine interest. Be flattered when he or she takes down their profile, but don’t go crazy with assumptions and over analyze the situation. You’re just dating and getting to know each other. Enjoy the journey.
Julie Spira is an online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
How Music Can Enhance Your Online Dating Profile
So you’ve joined an online dating site and have uploaded your profile information, but you’re disappointed that the responses and views are slim-to-none.
You realize that you don’t have a catchy screen name and sadly failed creative writing in high school. So what can you do to grab the attention of a potential digital suitor?
When I write Irresistible dating profiles for singles looking for love online, I spend a lot of time talking to them about what they are the most passionate about. Whether it’s music, art, travel, or hiking, singles need to make it easy for others to write to them with a more than just generic topic.
Still, it’s difficult for most singles to create a catchy screen name or headline. If you’re still stumped, my recommendation is to think about the songs you love. Do you remember hearing a song on the radio that made you hum in the car? If so, it’s time to play “Name that Online Dating Tune.”
It’s simple to do. Just find the title or lyrics of a song that makes you smile and might be familiar to those viewing your profile. Poof. You now have a catchy screen name. When you use a partial lyric from a song, invite those looking at your profile to fill in the blanks. It’s fun, it’s flirty, engaging and it works.
When I heard the song “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John on the radio, I decided to use the first line of “Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady….” as a catchy screen name. The first sentence of the profile bio started with, “Seamstress for what band?” The views to the dating profile increased by over 1000%. Some who knew the answer wrote about their favorite Elton John song. Others who didn’t know the answer took action and actually did a Google search and typed in the lyrics to find the answer to respond correctly. They viewed, they winked, and they replied. If you need a little help, here’s a site with 10 Best Opening Lyrics. Make sure to read the long list of comments filled with other song title ideas.
Have you used songs in your online dating profiles? Feel free to comment.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profile over 15 years ago. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Will All the Men Online Stop Frowning? Online Dating Profiles [Infographic]
We sure love these Infographics, especially when it comes to matters of the heart and online dating.
The Truth About Online Dating created a fun one for Valentine’s Day with statistics about Online Dating: Men vs. Women, by grabbing statistics from OkCupid and Wikipedia
Are you surprised at these results? Men lie three times as much as women about their relationship status, age, and real last names on a first date.
In addition, 50% of men didn’t smile on their online dating profiles? What’s up guys? Women want to see a happy man just as much as you’d like to see a confident smiling woman.
Full post @The Truth About Online Dating
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