Summer Fashion Dos and Dont’s for Daters

We’re in the middle of summer now, but some singles are just starting to date again. Finding the right outfit to make that terrific first impression in your online dating profile or on a first date is really important.

Our friends at Match.com polled some of their members to find out what they prefer seeing their date wearing and I’m tossing in some of my fashion favorites for both men and women for the season.

Women

Do wear long hair in braids. It’s fun and flirty and not just for children anymore.

Don’t wear a low cut dress or top. There’s no need to show off your cleavage on a first date, unless you’re anxious to head to the bedroom.

Do wear white pants on a date. Take advantage of the clean feeling of bright white in the summer time.

Don’t wear flip flops. Men still like the look of a heel on a woman. Unless you’re taking a beach walk, wear a high-heeled open toe sandal.

Do wear a short skirt or dress. Short and sexy will never go out of style.

Men

Do wear khaki’s. It’s simple and conservative. You can’t go wrong with this look combined with a polo shirt.

Don’t wear a Hawaiian shirt. Bright patterns are distracting and out-of-style.

Do wear aviator sunglasses. Women find this look sexy on an outdoor date. Remember when you go inside, take them off so she can glance at your eyes.

Don’t wear a Speedo. Never ever wear a Speedo or she’ll speed out of there faster than you can imagine. Try wearing conservative swimsuit or shorts if you’re headed to the beach.

Do wear a vee neck tee shirt or cardian sweater. This casual look for the summer may make her eyes melt.

Do you have a favorite summer fashion look? Your comments and suggestions are always welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira for dating advice and like her at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

First Date Conversations – To Tell, or Not to Tell

I’m a believer in authenticity when it comes to dating. That means I believe you should tell your correct age, post recent photos, and be recognizable when you meet your date in person.

I also believe you should ration your information flow early on, so I find it disheartening to see dates with promise quickly end with no chance of a second date ever being put on the calendar.

Where am I going with this? Quite simply, you need to be prepared for your date. Before you leave the house, think about what you should and what you shouldn’t talk about. Think about what you’d tell a perspective boss to land your dream job, and what personal information shouldn’t make it to the interview. So without further digital ado, here are some dating tips and conversation topics to tell, and those that should quietly go to sleep with you at night alone.

1st Date Conversation Deal-Breakers Include:

• The ex-factor – Too much talk about your relationship history.
• The crazy ex-factor – Yes, every ex-wife or husband and ex-girlfriend or boyfriend were crazy. Can you elaborate? Please don’t.
• Your divorce – Leave that to the attorneys. Your date isn’t your legal counsel.
• Your therapist – We won’t give you sympathy on a first date, so leave your emotional problems for your next shrink session.

The Cyber Dating Expert Looking for Love Online Summer Contest

Looking for love online this summer? We’re thrilled to announce the Cyber-Dating Expert Summer Love promotion where we’ve teamed up with Match to provide one lucky winner with a signature Irresistible Dating Profile from online dating expert Julie Spira, along with a 3-month free membership to Match.com.

To participate in the contest, participants are requested to LIKE the Cyber-Dating Expert facebook page at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and post their funniest or worst dating story ever on the facebook wall.

Five additional winners will be selected and will receive an autographed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Think about your funniest Internet date and share it with us on Facebook for your chance to win.

*Contestants must be 18 years of age or older and reside in the United States. No profanity will be accepted and inappropriate wall posts will be removed with the contestant disqualified. The contest starts on June 20, 2011 and ends on July 3, 2011. Winners will be selected by Cyber-Dating Expert, LLC. and announced on July 5, 2011 on Facebook and Twitter.

5 Ways to Botox Your Online Dating Profile

If you’ve suddenly become single  or have an online dating profile that’s over a year old, guess what? Chances are your profile is as outdated as your resume from 10-years ago, which is still sitting in a drawer.  If this sounds familiar, it’s time for your dating profile to be reviewed and get a digital facelift.

My friend Lisa Johnson-Mandel, author of Career Comeback talks about ‘How to Botox your resume.’ I was a recent guest on her television show, “This Week in Careers,” where I realized that her strategies for resume revisions would also apply to Internet dating. Hence, I decided it’s time for me to share some tips on how to “botox” your online dating profile.  I promise it will be painless and won’t break the bank.

This doesn’t mean that you need to make an appointment with your cosmetic dermatologist for expensive injections, but it does mean that some of your wording, especially keeping an outdated screen name, may send a message to your perspective dates that you’ve been on the site too long. He or she may quickly move onto a fresher and more appealing profile. Lisa provides tips that I highly recommend on how to look younger in a job interview. I’ll take it a step further for matters of the heart.

It’s a competitive digital landscape and you must appear as the fresh new face to get noticed. Here are some tips to Botox and refresh your online dating profile.

1. Screen name revision. If your screen name included your age such as Ken53 and your date of birth on your profile indicates that you’re 56, it will appear that you hadn’t been successful in finding love online for three years. Even if your two-year relationship just ended and you’re back again as a new profile, take the age off completely, especially if it’s inaccurate.
2. Discard the glamour shots. We all know that nothing is more important than your profile photos. If you invested in glamour shots years ago, it’s time to toss them away, along with the “big hair” look. Replace them with more natural activity photos that are represented on your Facebook or social networking sites. If your online dating profile photos don’t look anything like your current Facebook photos, your perspective date will find out quickly and will be turned off, or possibly even walk out on the date. 
3. Update your wardrobe. Any photos showing clothing with padded shoulders or last year’s trendy styles should be deleted from your profile. Get rid of the little black dress and add some new photos with bright colors that will help your profile photo stand out from the thousands of thumbnails in his or her search. Confidence is in. Sexy is out. Photos of men with bare chests or women with too much cleavage may result in getting more views of your profile, but it doesn’t mean you’ll find the man or woman of your dreams. Leave the lingerie shots for the bedroom, not for mass advertising on your Internet dating profile.
4. Toss out confusing photos. If you are seen with a mustache and beard in one photo and are clean-shaven in others, it will confuse the person viewing your profile. Toss out the outdated photos for your current look to avoid disappointment. This applies to hair color as well. If you were brunette in the fall, auburn in the spring, and blonde in the summer, make sure you only post photos with one hair color–your present one.
5. Delete any reference to your children’s ages. If your kids were 8, 10, and 12 when you wrote your first profile and they’re now driving age, you and your profile will appear outdated. Mention your three terrific kids in your profile, but don’t provide details of their dates, weddings, or graduations. You can always talk about that on the phone, in an email, or in person.

Other tips to keep your profile on the top of a search include changing the order of your photos and add new ones, periodically update your screen name and your bio description, and log on daily to show that you’re active and are serious about meeting someone.

For more help in creating your irresistible online dating profile, contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com and we’ll work with you to personalize your experience and help you while looking for love online.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira

Online Dating – Is Honesty the Best Policy?

I recently attended a swanky party in Beverly Hills and met a lovely single woman who said she had to talk to me about her online dating profile. Naturally, I was ready to hear what her secret was.

She boasted about how she had written the most creative and best profile of anyone on Match.com. She went into great details about how she listed everything that was unacceptable in a man and that if he had any of these personality traits, they shouldn’t bother writing to her.

After listening to her enthusiasm about a profile filled with negativity, I asked the million dollar question, “Did you lie about your age?” Her response was an immediate yes. She claimed, as many singles do, that she looked so much younger than her real age and took six years off her age to fit into a search. When I asked her how long she had been looking for love online, she responded that she hadn’t been in a relationship for six years.

Obviously her personal digital marketing plan wasn’t working. She had never been married and was almost 60 years old. She agreed to a critique and was ready for some dating tips.

Sure, she went to one of the top dermatologists in town. Sure, she wore designer labels and dressed to impress the women who would recognize them. At the end of the day, she was inauthentic and still single.

I offered to critique her profile and made some subtle changes. She listed her dream life, one where she wanted a man to financially support her and proudly claimed she was high maintenance. It wasn’t the life she was living yet, and her inbox wasn’t filled with male suitors ready to sign up. She stated in her first sentence that she was great looking. Men are visual. They will decide upon viewing your profile photo if they are attracted to you or not. Stating it in the first sentence appeared conceited to most men who viewed her photo and most of them moved on.

I share these true stories with you because authenticity is sexy. Being authentic translates to being confident and happy. Where you are now is just fine. Keep your dreams, but portray yourself in your profile as approachable, realistic and human. I encourage all of you who feel you need to lie in your profile about your age, weight, or financial status to toss that belief out the digital window. You are just perfect, the way you are. It’s time for some truth-in-advertising and for you to really find love online.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira

Singer Christopher Cross May Try Online Dating at 60

Today is singer Christopher Cross’s 60th birthday. As he reaches this milestone, Cross best known for his hit song, “Sailing” would like to sail into the sunset with a special woman.

Finding himself single, Cross said in an interview on BlogTalkRadio that he’d consider online dating as an option to find love.

Other celebrities have dipped a toe online and tried Internet dating, so he won’t be alone with over 116 million singles worldwide viewing online dating sites every month. Like other daters, Cross is concerned that a woman stating she’s 35 might indeed be really 55.

Does Chris need some help with his profile? I’d be happy to help him out. There are plenty of women who would be happy to be serenaded by the singer/songwriter.

Donating Love and Support to Japan – Find Love and Donate

If you’re like me, you’re probably emotionally devastated just watching the videos from the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear blast in Japan.

I have been a visitor to Japan prior to this tragedy and found the country to be so beautiful and it was one of my most memorable trips, ever.

To show support for the victims of Japan, I will be donating 50% of my online dating coaching fees for services that are paid through the end of March. I’ll help you find love and you can help support the American Red Cross fund for the Japan Earthquake and Pacific Tsunami. It’s a win-win.

Help me help those in need this week. Your support means so much to those suffering in Japan and I know together we can raise thousands of dollars for the cause.

Click here to Sign up for Irresistible Profiles.

The Flirt – Review and critique of your existing profile  ($125 will be donated to the American Red Cross)

Going Steady – Brand new irresistible profile, complete with a catchy screen name and one personalized search ($247.50 will be donated to the American Red Cross)

Totally in Love – All of the above plus an autographed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and 30 days of Unlimited email support  ($397.50 will be donated to the American Red Cross)

Click here for a straight donation to the American Red Cross.

Thank you from the bottom on my heart.

Julie Spira – Cyber-Dating Expert – Dating in a Web 2.0 World

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Dating Advice

Do you have a question about online dating? Are you not sure which sites are the best for you? Are you frustrated that he hasn’t taken down his profile?

If so, send us your questions and we’ll discuss them on CyberDatingExpert.com, Facebook, and on our radio show, Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert.

With over 15 years of online dating experience, I’ll teach you how to create an irresistible online dating profile and help you with become successful at dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Click here to submit your question.

Beating the Post-Valentine’s Breakup Blues

The phone has been ringing with newly heartbroken singles whose relationships sadly ended after Valentine’s Day.  Some singles want to jump back online and find themselves staring at their ex’s online dating and Facebook profiles. Others need more time to recover. I spoke with ellie, the queen bee and founder at pink kisses about this dilemma. We commiserated, bonded, and together we’ve decided to help heal some hearts.

It’s a great treat to feature ellie and her co-founder amy with their thoughts about the breakup season. They’re my kind of gals.

Beating the Post-Valentine Breakup Blues

by ellie scarborough & amy lynch of pinkkisses.com

ellie and amy - pinkkisses.com

Valentine’s Day has been hyped up since the days of cheap paper cartoon cards with lollipops stuck through the center.  We all went home one day each year with a bunch of obligatory doilies and dimestore candy stuffed into our backpacks, and February 15^th was just another day.

Now that we’re adults, the annual schmoopfest is every bit as ubiquitous as it was back then, but it takes on a different meaning these days.  In a way, even though it’s billed as “the most romantic day of the year,” it somewhat ironically signals the end of … well, couples season.  It starts with the age-old “do I or don’t I take you home to meet the family” question just before Thanksgiving, cruises beneath the mistletoe of December and pauses for a much-anticipated (and sometimes overrated) midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve.  There’s so much societal pressure leading up to mid-February that, once the candies have been devoured and the roses have died, it’s no wonder so many couples start splitting up before the spring.

At pinkkisses.com, we’ve been hearing lately from girls whose boyfriends called it quits right after Valentine’s Day.  And it’s not a huge surprise that with spring break coming up, lots of college couples are going their separate ways as well; in fact, a study of Facebook noted recently that the weeks leading up to spring break are a peak time of year for statuses to switch from “in a relationship” to “single.” The bottom line is this: although temperatures are starting to warm up and flowers are beginning to bloom, lots of relationships are cooling and the victims left in their wake are probably feeling a little wilted right about now.

But here’s the thing: while the end of a relationship may signal a low point, bringing out all your insecurities and temporarily damaging your sense of self-worth, you don’t have to wallow in the mire.  In fact, you can flip your so-called “low point” on its ear and create a turning point out of it.  Sure, it’s necessary to take some time to grieve the loss of what you once shared with your ex, but a breakup offers a hidden treasure: the opportunity to start fresh – not just with your dating life, but with your entire life in general.

All that time you were spending with your ex can now be spent doing… well, whatever you damn well please.  The pursuits you weren’t making room for in your life can now take center stage.  You may be feeling small, but in reality you’re standing on a perfect platform for transformation.  The weeks and months following a tough breakup present an amazing opportunity to — as we like to say — find your inner badass. Think of it as a clean slate. It’s a chance to take control of your life and emerge stronger, wiser and happier on the other side.  Make no mistake: no matter when, how or why it all had to end, moving on and living well is most definitely the best revenge.  And in the end, it’s sweeter than any Valentine chocolates could ever be.

Remember to show us some social media love. Like Pink Kisses and Cyber-Dating Expert on Facebook

5 Post-Valentine’s Tips for Online Dating

Whew! You made it through Valentine’s Day, or did you?

If you’re single, you might have stayed home and pulled the sheets over your head until the clock struck midnight. Other singles that I heard from gathered together for the evening and sipped a few cocktails together and then went home alone. It was agonizing. It was painful. I know, you don’t want to have another Valentine’s Day alone, which is why you’re visiting this site right now.

So, as the bearer of good news, we’re heading into March Madness and Spring Fever will be around the corner. What does this mean for singles? It means the holiday season from Thanksgiving through Valentine’s is thankfully over. The men who disappeared in the weeks leading to Valentine’s Day are resurfacing right now since the holiday pressure has subsided.

So toss away your favorite red dress for a moment and let’s talk about some online dating tips to get your profile noticed and rise to the top.

1. Start from Scratch. If you still like your current site, you don’t need a makeover of your present profile. What you need is a brand new profile originating from a new and unique email address. If you’ve taken a break from online dating and are ready to jump back in, don’t refresh your existing profile. Retire it permanently and start from scratch. This way you’ll show up in a search as “brand new” and you’ll be the fresh new face in the digital playing field.

2. Change Your Catchy Screen Name. Let’s face it. Your current screen name isn’t really that catchy is it? If so, you’d be riding into the sunset with someone right now. Think about a name that doesn’t describe you to your girlfriends. You’re writing to attract a quality man and he doesn’t want to hear about your shopping expeditions. While you may be a fashionista and will look great on a date, he’ll think you’ll be spending all of his money while gallivanting at the mall and won’t be spending time with him. Think about what you’d like to do together as a couple. What activities and interests will you have in common? Imagine spending them with your dream guy. Pick three different catchy screen names and rotate them on your profile headline. Don’t describe yourself as pretty or beautiful as you will seem shallow. Men are visual. They’ll notice how you look in your profile photos. You’ll know soon enough which names get the most attention.

3. Be Realistic. I’m not saying don’t be picky. Wanting a Renaissance man who makes $300,000 a year and will give you back massages and write you love notes all day long is not realistic. Whatever you have on your list, cut your list in half to show the absolutely most critical things you want in a partner. Our goal is to help you find love and a meaningful relationship. I know you can find it online and I’m here to help you do so.

4. Spend One Hour a Day Online. You say you’re too busy to spend one hour searching through profiles and finding quality men to date? If you can find time to go to the gym three times a week, meet your girlfriends for drinks, and attend business networking events, then you must allocate one hour a day to devote to your love life. I know you’re already logging onto Facebook up to an hour every day. While you’re checking the latest status updates and commenting, cut that time down and visit your online dating site.

5. Two is Better Than One. Online dating is a numbers game. Fortunately, there are over 1500 sites to pick from. My suggestion is to sign up for one mainstream popular site that has a lot of active members and select a second niche site to post another profile. If you’re wondering what a niche site is, it’s one that focuses in on your hobbies or religious beliefs. There are sites for book lovers, vegetarians, pet lovers, and those with medical conditions. There truly is someone for everyone. Visit our Dating Community for some sites that I recommend.

Make this spring your time to find the love that you truly are looking for. If you need personalized help with your online dating profile, you’re not alone. Contact us to find out more about coaching programs at CyberDatingExpert.com/Irresistible Coaching. We’ll help you create an irresistible online dating profile to attract your dream date.

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