6 Tips for Online Dating After Divorce

Whether you’ve gone through a recent breakup or you’ve gotten divorced after 20 years of marriage, even if the wounds are still raw, know that your decision to create an online dating profile is a step in the right direction.

Here are 6 simple tips to get you started.

1. Have a Profile Party. It’s time to take the plunge and join an online dating site. This is a digital statement telling the world that you’re not going to sit home and feel sorry for yourself. I recommend that you grab a girlfriend or two and let them participate in a Profile Party. After all, your BFF’s will want to hear the juicy details of your dates and they truly want to see you move forward with your life. Find a few outfits with bright colors such as red or bright pink and let your friends snap the photos for you. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, you can sign up for our Pimp Your Profile Seminar on May 22nd , where I’ll be working with singles how to ramp up their profile in person! If you’re anxious to get started now, here are some of our favorite dating sites. Some offer special discounts to Cyber-Dating Expert readers.

2. It’s a Bio, not a novel. Not sure what to write about yourself? When creating your Internet dating bio and on your first dates, less is more. Don’t focus on what went wrong in your relationship. Talking about your ex is an instant buzz-kill. You’ll come across as someone who just hasn’t gotten over him or her yet.

3. Talk about the kids. If you’re a parent, do mention how important your children are and list their ages in your profile, but don’t post photos of them. A man would like to know that you have time for him in your life, while you juggle work, parenting, and a new relationship. A woman will project to the future to decide whether she wants to be a part of an extended family. Hiding the kids isn’t going to attract your dream date. An understanding partner will appreciate your devotion to your family.

4. Ask and answer questions. Keep your introduction emails short and simple and mention something in his profile that caught your eye. I recommend only a few sentences. It’s also good to ask a question, which will provoke an answer. Mention one of your favorite rock bands and ask if they’ve ever seen them perform live. List some of your dream vacation spots and ask if they’ve ever traveled there. Your goal is to create a conversation based upon your passions.

5.  Head over to Facebook and change your relationship status to “Single.” Yes, it may come to a shock to some of your friends, but others might be ready to introduce you to one of their friends. Some of the couples on Facebook Love Stories actually fell in love on Facebook, reconnected with crushes from high school and college, and tied the knot after seeing that someone they knew was suddenly single again.

6. Give good phone. As a parent, your time is very precious. Do make sure you have a phone date before you set up time to meet in person. If you don’t feel any chemistry on the phone, don’t waste your time on setting up a date that probably won’t go well. Avoid becoming a digital pen pal with your new online crush and take your relationship from online to offline within the first few weeks.

Getting divorced is traumatic for everyone. This isn’t the time to compare war-room stories with potential dates. With these online dating tools at your digital finger tips, you’ll be able to start the next chapter of your life sooner, rather than later. Remember, the person that you’ll be meeting may have also gone through a divorce or loss of a loved one. He or she might be just as nervous as you are about starting over again.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert who’s been helping singles find love online since 1994. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: © ijdema – Fotolia.com

Online Dating Profile Photos – When in Doubt, Wear Red

On Huffington Post Live, we spent time talking about online dating profile photos and how men respond more frequently to women wearing the color red.

The conversation was based on Adam Alter’s book, Red Tank Pink. Alter, professor of marketing and psychology at NYU’s Stern School of Business insists that the color red or having a red border around your online dating profile is an absolute must.

Joining us was Gabe Zichermann, Gamification expert, who met his boyfriend on mobile dating app, Scruff.com.

Sharing one of my favorite quotes from the late fashion designer Bill Blass, “When in doubt, wear red,” I concurred with Alter’s findings that red does indeed have an impact on the response to dates.

You can watch the video below.

Are you wearing red in your dating profiles?

Julie Spira ia a top online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

 

The Digital Breakup – Is it Wrong?

Did you know that more than 30% of relationships have a digital ending?

According to a survey by Lab 42, 1/3 of people are breaking up via text, email, and on Facebook.

I strongly believe that if you’re in an intimate relationship or if you’ve committed to dating someone exclusively, calling it quits should happen in person.

Here are six common and inappropriate ways couples are breaking up in a digital world.

The Direct and Unilateral Breakup

1.     Text Message. Seeing a text message saying, “It’s not you, it’s me” is inconsiderate. It also shows signs of disrespect and cowardly behavior. If you can type on the phone, you should be able to pick up the phone and dial it as well.

2.     Email.  The “Dear John” letter of years ago has been replaced with an email saying it’s over. Do you really want to go down in history as the person who sent a digital “Dear John” letter? Type your letter and send it to yourself. Read it the next morning before calling it quits. You might feel different about it the next day and can possibly save your relationship. Remember. An email can be and will be forwarded, shared, or possibly end up in a blog post or magazine.

3.     The fax. Although fax machines are as obsolete as a rotary-dial phone, there still are cases where couples are filing for divorce via fax, with one party being in control and the recipient being shattered by the news.

The Passive-Aggressive Breakup

4.     Reactivating an Online Dating Profile. If your significant other disappears for a few days and doesn’t return your calls, it might be time to see if they’ve reactivated their online dating profile. Even if it’s active for an hour or a day, it’s likely that this will get noticed by one of your friends. Is it worth losing a relationship over? I say no.

5.     Facebook. Relationships are starting and ending on Facebook. I enjoy sharing the success stories on FacebookLoveStories.com, but cringe when I see someone changing their status relationship to “Single” without discussing it with their partner. Worse yet, a friend my see your sweetheart in the arms of another in a photo proudly displayed on his or her Facebook page.

6.    The Disappearing Act. Magicians should be left for the magic show, not for your relationship. If your needs aren’t being met or if you’ve found someone else, don’t leave someone hanging and just stop calling. It’s not over until both people realize where they stand.Don’t disappear on someone you once loved when you’ve unilaterally decided it was time to move on.

At the end of the digital day, you should treat people the way that you want to be treated. Don’t go down in history as being a digital dumper. Often the love you have with the person you’ve invested the time with is worth saving and will be worth its weight in gold, compared to the heartbreak you might be creating.

Have you ever ended a relationship digitally? Did someone ever dump you in an email or text?  Would you pull a disappearing act to avoid a confrontation?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo credit: Pavel Ignatov – Fotolia.com

The Online Dating Expert’s Holiday Fashion and Beauty Tips

For those of you who know me, you’ll know that more often-than-not, I’ll be wearing a red dress or sweater when out in public. Red is a signature color that defines both passion and love and is my favorite color for first date outfits and online dating profile photos. It also helps you stand out from the other women who can’t part with their signature little black dress, who don’t realize they’re blending in with the crowd, both online and offline.

This holiday season, you’ll have the chance to shine, both online and IRL, as I’ll go on record saying, “Let them wear red!”  Even the late Fashion designer Bill Blass has a famous quote, “When in doubt, wear red.”

Need more expert fashion advice for the holidays?

In a recent article on Fashionista.com,  Single All the Way? Expert Fashion Tips for Online Dating, I shared some of my holiday fashion, beauty, and hair tips for those looking for love online.

After all, your online profile photo is your love-life resume.  The men you’ll be meeting will be delighted when you resemble the irresistible photos they’ve viewed.

CLOTHES

Remember, that women spend too much time dressing for women. Men don’t care about the labels, and it’s rare that I’ll hear a guy ask, “Is that Chanel or Prada?” If you look good in an outfit that fits well and is appealing, they’ll like the package, regardless of the price tag of the item. If red isn’t your color, try pink or fuchsia, as men equate this with femininity. Both red and pink will help your profile stand out instead of wearing black, white, grey, or complicated patterns.

Remember that men undress you with your eyes, so avoid the extra-low cut tops and dresses, and please stay away from bathing suits. It’s no different than lingerie with a different fabric. You’re looking for a soul-mate, not an instant bed-mate.

Remember to wear a few different outfits to show that you’re diverse. This helps you avoid writing the cliché of saying you go from jeans to black-tie. Let the guys see that look instead.

HAIR

If you’re getting ready for a hot online date or are prepping for your online dating photo shoot, invest $35 and go to a blow-dry bar to get your hair blown out nice and silky. However, don’t become a “hair chameleon,” as having too many different hair colors and styles could be off-putting to men who view your profile. Most men are simple and want truth-in-advertising, so they hope you’ll look like your online dating profile photos. Avoid the desire to have glamour shots taken. Guys will think everything about your profile is photo shopped, from your age to your laugh lines.

MAKEUP

Decide which features you want to focus on for your online dating photo shoot. If you have luscious lips, add a bit of color and gloss to accentuate them. A guy will think about what it’s like to kiss you, but if you’re wearing bright red lipstick, he may not want it on his collar just yet. If your eyes are the most flattering, apply eyeliner, fabulous lengthening mascara, and a simple light colored lip-gloss. If you overdo it on the make-up, men will think you’re too high-maintenance and it will actually make you look older. Something we all dread when it comes to posting our age.

At the end of the digital day, a natural look is something most men would enjoy seeing. They won’t know all the effort you put in to creating your irresistible online dating profile. It’s our little secret.

Full article at Fashionista.com

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Fourth of July Fireworks Special on Irresistible Profiles

So your relationship status is listed as a “dud.” Does that mean you should accept your ho-hum love life or are you ready to ignite some fireworks to kick-off the summer holiday?

At Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters, we’ve decided to help you ramp up your search with a wonderful 20% HOLIDAY Savings! But we’re only limiting this offer to TEN lucky people.

SAVE over $150 on your package now from July 2 – 8, 2012 and sign up for our Signature IRRESISTIBLE Online Dating Profile Makeover package.

As you know, I’m passionate about helping singles find love both online and offline. I also happen to love holiday weekends. It’s the time to ramp up your flirting techniques and mingle with singles all weekend long.

While fireworks will be in the sky throughout America, what about the fireworks and passion in your love life? Don’t you deserve to have a spark ignited?

That’s right. No gimmicks, no long term commitment. One very special PRIVATE coaching session that will change the direction of your love life. Let the next holiday fireworks be your very own in the arms of someone very special.

• 20-minute Phone or Skype Consultation
• Personalized Dating Assessment
• Customized Online Dating Profile from Scratch or Makeover
• Includes a NEW Catchy Screen Name
• New Bio With the Perfect Word Count
• One Personalized Matching Search
• 30-Days Unlimited eMail Support to help you before, during, and after your dates. (valued at $997)

*Don’t wait as this offer is valid for the FIRST 10 People who sign up and will sadly expire on July 8th at midnight when the price will revert back to the regular rate.

Sign up now and let the next Cyber Love Story of the Week be your own.

*Coaching Packages are non-refundable

Follow @JulieSpira

Who’s Lying on Online Dating Profiles? The Young Turks – The Point

Who lies the most and what are they lying about online? The largest YouTube News Show, The Young Turks decided to feature a segment on online dating on their popular show. Watch Online Dating Expert Julie Spira share her point, stating there should be some truth-in-advertising in online dating profiles. Spira shares what both men and women lie about the most and asks, “Where should we draw the line from exaggerating your weight and height to blatantly lying about your marital status?”

Is online dating totally accepted by society or is it still taboo? Watch Ana Kasparian (Co-host of The Young Turks and TYT University) as she leads panel to discuss this and more with Lucas Lilieholm (Producer of ‘The Young Turks With Cenk Uygur’ on Current TV), Desi Doyen (Co-host of the radio’s nationally syndicated ‘The Green News Report), and Malcolm Fleschner (Senior Producer of ‘The Point’).

Would you exaggerate the truth to fit into a search? Your thoughts and comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at Cyber-Dating Expert. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

How Much Do You Need to Know About Your Date [infographic]

Remember the scenario. Boy meets girl. Boy becomes attracted to girl. Girl gets infatuated and dreams about their future. They go on a movie date and hold hands. He takes her home to meet his family. They fall in love and get married. And then it’s “Happily Ever After.” ~ The End.

Gone are the days where you can fully rely on falling in love at first sight from across a crowded room. I know it can happen, as I was one of those rare people who experienced this magical love. More often-than-not, it happens in the movies and romance novels.

So here we are with online dating being a part of most single’s lives. Everyone seems to know someone who has met their significant other or spouse online. I often talk about online dating safety as you don’t know who you’re meeting from behind the keyboard. I’ve met married men who propose to single women regularly. I know women who lie about their age by ten years. It’s much easier to hide and idealize about who you’d like to be someday in your profile or write up a bio that would describe what you believe your dream girl will be attracted to.

As an online dating expert and coach, I believe in truth-in-advertising. After all, once you meet in person, if you’ve lied about some obvious things in your profile, it will be a bad experience for everyone involved.

Doing a simple Google check if your date’s name isn’t a very common one isn’t a bad idea. Telling your date you did a background check on them before you met in person is a terrible way to start a relationship.

However, this latest infographic will show you some of the typical lies you might observe while looking for love online , along with a few ways to get some deeper information if you feel the need to.

Presented By: BackgroundCheck.org

Would you do a background check on a date to feel safer?

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

For more online dating advice and to learn to how to create an irresistible profile like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Follow @JulieSpira

FOX News – Cyber Love Can Come With Tricks [video]

Watch Online Dating Expert Julie Spira on FOX News with tips on how to navigate online dating. Does there profile look too good to be true? Share your comments below.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Online Dating Advice on Planet Love Match

It was an honor to be a guest on Planet Love Match Radio with hosts Jen Tapiero and Josh Nasar. Some dating advice included what to put in your online dating profile as well as topics to avoid. Learn what makes a profile irresistible with dating tips for singles looking for love online. Also in this episode, Quentin Aaron, from The Blind Side joined the show and talked about his views on dating.

For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Julie Spira is a cyber-relations and online dating expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com and writes irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene.

Follow @JulieSpira

Looking for Love Online – The Business of Online Dating [Infographic]

Looking for Love Online? You’re not alone as the online dating industry has more than doubled in revenue in the past five years.

Internet dating has been the featured topic of many Infographics that we’ve added to our pinboard on Pinterest.

The latest one comes from MBA Programs, which includes the sub-title of our book, Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, so we couldn’t resist sharing it with you.

As they ponder if online dating really works and tell us who lies the most, we wonder why men would only knock off two pounds and 1/2 an inch off their true weight and height.  Do you think online daters rush to the alter three times faster than those who have met offline?

We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Enjoy!

~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Courtesy of: MBA Programs

Next Page »