Signs You May be Dating a Cyber Player
August 23, 2010
You’ve signed up for an online dating site. Your inbox is full of interested singles trying to capture your attention. You put yourself out there and opened up your heart. How can you tell if he’s sincere or if he or she is a cyber player or serial dater?
In a recent article on Sympatico.ca Personals, I shared some of my insights, online dating tips, and red flags with Jenna Stone.
They’re the scourge of the dating scene, the stealth enemy of anyone seeking a long-term, committed relationship – The Players.
There you are, putting yourself out there, hoping to find someone with whom to spend your life, and there he/she is messing it all up. They make the apparent right gestures and tell you what you want to hear, all the while working the same schtick on someone else, or several someone elses.
And they’re not just lurking in the bars and clubs either. They’re online, sneaking around your favourite dating sites. How can you avoid…(insert dramatic B Movie monster music here)…THE CYBER PLAYER?
Julie Spira is a cyber dating expert, and author of the online book The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She offered some insight on how to keep the cyber serial dater at bay.
She says, “There are certainly a lot of them online. They become these little kids in a candy store because they can always find a pretty face. And they get five new e-mails in their inbox every day.” Spira is quick to point out that, while many people DO indeed commit, the web has “really created a feeding ground for people who can’t.”
Spira says there are two categories of online players. The first are people who are also offline players and it’s how they live their lives. “They see online dating as an extra way to feed their egos.” The other type, she says, are those who were shy and unlucky in love, but then tried online dating and “all of the sudden they go from being socially challenged to suddenly having all of these options.”
Sometimes, she adds, they don’t even meet anyone in person. “They just talk and chat. They get sort of addicted to it.”
So, that’s red flag #1. They keep putting off meeting you in real life. Seems obvious right? But a lot of people can’t read the clearest signs and wind up wasting a lot of time.
If someone won’t eventually come play outside, they might not be socially capable. They might even be hiding behind an entirely constructed persona.
Once you do meet them outside, Spira says that, oddly, they tend to come on strong and talk a lot about commitment. “When you go on a date with a cyber player, they will say things that are the complete opposite from what you’d expect. They say things like ‘I was married before and I want to be married again,’ ‘I’m looking for one woman to wake up with every morning.’ They say these types of things a little too much and you might find yourself raising an eyebrow.”
But then, right after they leave you, they’re back cruising the cyber singles scene.
“They go home and send you an e-mail that says ‘I had such an amazing date with you, there was so much chemistry. I can’t wait to see you again,’ and you see that they’ve already logged on at 12:30 in the morning after your date ended at eleven o’clock that night.” (Most dating sites allow you to see when a member is online)
Of course, it’s OK to spend as much time as you please cruising when you’re just dating. It’s when things are supposed to be getting serious that these become red flags.
Spira advises you err on the side of caution, keep your own profile up and continue to date other people. And, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, “Do not sleep with someone who is unwilling to pull down their profile.
“If you’re on a casual dating site and are advertising that you’re accepting that type of relationship, that’s one thing. But if you go on a site dedicated to serious relationships, like e-Harmony or JDate or Match.com, and you state on the profile that you are looking for a long term relationship and marriage, that’s another.”
It’s a common question: When is the appropriate time to take down the profile? There’s no right answer. But you need to be comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable with the other person’s profile remaining up, then it’s not unreasonable to address that.
Spira says, “I’ve seen it too many times where a woman says ‘I’ve been dating this guy for a year and he won’t pull down his profile.’ I say, ‘Well, you never really talked about that before your clothes wound up on the floor.”
The bottom line? Talk about it.
Once offline, if you find yourself falling for a player and want to try to get them to tame their wild ways, Spira suggests a few things that include,
1: Keeping busy. Don’t always be readily available and live a life that’s exciting and fun, and will continue to be so with or without them in it.
2. Setting a time limit. Make it clear you’ll only wait around for so long.
3. Giving instructions on how you want to communicate. If you want daily phone calls and flirty text messages, Spira says don’t be afraid to ask for them.
A lot of people do find themselves trying to catch the player, convinced they can make them change. It’s one option.
Remember, there’s always another option. You could just move on to someone else.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for Dating Advice
The Scent of a Woman and a Man – DNA Matchmaking
August 21, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Today on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, I spoke with Eric Holzle, Founder of Scientific Match, an online dating site that claims to be one of the most advanced dating services in the world.
You’ll hear about genetic matchmaking will help you find someone you are the most compatible with.
A simple cheek swab of saliva may help you find your dream man or woman.
Eric talked about the 6 benefits of genetic matchmaking from having a greater sex life to a lower chance of cheating in an exclusive relationship.
Listen to the program to hear about the latest research and how you can find your best match with the most chemistry.
Learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
New Online Dating Site for Virgins Only
August 9, 2010
Do you remember the hit song from the 80s, “Like a Virgin” from Madonna? Well hum a little more now if you are single, have not had sex, and want to meet another virgin. There’s now an online dating site for you.
YouAndMePure.com has been created exclusively for virgins who want to wait until marriage to have sex. Their tagline is “The Friendly place for Virgins to Meet.”
The site, originally called virgintovirgin.com, was created by husband and wife team, Lety and Jose Colin. The couple credits their successful marriage to the fact that they had saved themselves for each other. They were virgins and are proud to spread the news and become evangelists to create a new home for singles looking for love online.
According to Jose Colin, “Our site is designed specifically for singles who share the value of premarital sexual abstinence.” Colin added, “We offer a comfortable place where abstinence is nothing to be ashamed of and can be discussed safely and with freedom.”
Often, we see the lack of authenticity in online dating profiles. As it’s common for singles to lie about their age and weight, would one lie about their sexual past? Naturally, we can’t guarantee that those who “went all the way” won’t find themselves intrigued with YouAndMeArePure.com ‘s free membership with a new pool of dating prospects. It will be hard to police the members and it’s unlikely the site will require proof of a medical exam to become a premium member.
YouAndMeArePure.com offers free standard memberships to all applicants. An upgraded Gold Membership is currently free for women. I look forward to hearing about their online dating success stories.
Julie Spira is worldwide authority in online dating. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is the host of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Follow Julie on Twitter Facebook Huffington Post YouTube Buy the Perils of Cyber-Dating
Online Dating Site ‘Can Do Better’ Polls Users Based on Looks
August 2, 2010
Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky Source: CanDoBetter.com
Do looks matter? Apparently so. Online dating site, CanDoBetter.com has received quite a bit of buzz lately. The new niche site lets their members vote on couples based on their attractiveness to decide if they think either one can do better, or if they are indeed a good match.
ABC News ran the story just prior to Chelsea Clinton’s wedding to Marc Mezvinsky. Photos of the couple who wed on July 31, 2010, were posted on the site prior to their marriage. Members claimed they were a mismatch based upon their looks.
When ABC News asked me what I thought about the site, and it’s obvious shallowness, I explained that celebrity buzz and attractiveness has always been something that people are interested in seeing.
Each week, a celebrity couple is featured on the site. Member couples looking for feedback post their photos and the peanut gallery gets to vote on the public Internet.
“About 40 million American singles, about half of the 90 million single population, have gone online to find love,” according to Julie Spira, a cyber dating expert and author of “The Perils of Cyber Dating.”
“Niche dating sites are the fastest growing sites on the Internet,” according to Spira, “and those that capitalize on celebrities and provide the visuals to engage users.”
“It’s a clever way of getting people to enter the onling dating industry,” she said. “I give them credit for creating buzz.”
Celebrity couples who ranked high on their site based upon looks include Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as well as Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith.
Would you be willing to post your photos online? Do looks rank higher on the totem pole than common values? Your comments and feedback are always welcome.
Click here for full article @ABC News
10 *Free* Summer Days on eHarmony
July 24, 2010
What’s better than an eHarmony *Free* weekend? Well the popular online dating site is now offering you an opportunity to try their service for *free* for 10 full days this summer. Starting July 23rd and lasting through August 1st, start communicating with other singles on their site.
Summer is one of the best times to find love. Make it your best.
eHarmony.com for FREE—Communicate for free between 7/23/10 – 8/1/10 in the US…Try Now
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Dr. Pepper Schwartz
July 22, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Join Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday July 24, 2010, as she welcomes Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Chief Relationship Expert at Perfect Match to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Dr. Schwartz is the author of 15 relationship books, including Finding Your Perfect Match. She co-developed the Duet® Total Compatibility System for Perfect Match’s online dating site and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Today Show, Dr. Phil, and Good Morning America.
We are honored to have her as our guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where she will be providing her expert relationship advice and dating tips for singles looking for love online.
Call in with your relationship questions on Saturday, July 24, 2010 at 2pm/ET, 12pm/CT, 11am/PT at 646-929-0012 to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
The Modern Day Dating Calling Card
July 22, 2010
I just read an interesting article in The New York Times that I must share with you. The article mentions newly launched sites Cheekd.com which had its debut in May, as well as FlipMeDating.com.
As members of both of these sites, you can spot a hottie, drop him a flirty calling card, and he can respond or not. It’s instant, you can be in the moment, and connections have resulted from these new simple techniques. According to the Times, Cheek’d members pay $25 for a monthly subscription which includes 50 calling cards. Recipients do not pay a fee.
Think about the lost opportunities you have missed out on. Perhaps you met an interesting guy on the airplane, and never followed up with your infatuation. He’s now gone. If you had a few flirty calling cards in your purse, you just might be going steady now. It’s a terrific ice-breaker and a great way to augment your existing online dating account.
So now, I’ll take a poll and welcome your comments. For $25, would you like to go out in the world armed and prepared if you spot a guy or gal who captures your eye? How would you feel if you’ve been Cheek’d by a woman or a man in a restaurant? Would you follow up online to learn more about this mystery man or woman?
I look forward to hearing more about the use of the modern day calling card as we continue to date in a Web 2.0 World.
Click here to read full article: The New Dating Tools: A Card and a Wink on The New York Times>>>
Cyber Love Story of the Week – Vanessa and Ray
July 16, 2010
Vanessa moved from the east coast to the suburbs of Houston a few years ago. She wanted to meet new and interesting people, but was too busy with her job at NASA and didn’t have time to enter the dating scene.
Based upon recommendations from friends, she joined the online dating site BlackPeopleMeet.com as a free member. When she saw Ray’s profile, she decided to upgrade her membership immediately to meet him.
She sent Ray, a foster parent, an email introduction. Ray responded and the communication began.
During their first lunch date, they quickly realized that they both had a lot in common. Both Vanessa and Ray had children from their previous marriages. They also both enjoyed crossword puzzles and exercising.
The two easily blended their families together and two years after their first online date, they were married.
Congratulations to Vanessa and Ray who found love online on BlackPeopleMeet.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Read More Cyber Love Stories>>>
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Senior People Meet’s Terri Orbuch
June 17, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Join us this Saturday, June 19, 2010 as we welcome Dr. Terri L. Orbuch, “The Love Doctor” at the online dating site, SeniorPeopleMeet.com. Dr. Orbuch is the author of 5 relationship books and is a frequent guest in the media. She’ll be available to answer your questions about dating for the over 50 crowd.
Call in on at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/Eastern Time, 12noon/Central Time, 11am/Pacific Time for dating advice and to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Brainiac Dating on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
June 12, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where Lawrence Chernin, founder of Brainiac Dating talked to us about why it’s sexy to be smart.
You’ll hear about the features of their online dating site along with finding out which of your favorite celebrities have reached brainiac status (hint: Geena Davis, Natalie Portman, and Matt Damon, to name a few).
You can join now for free and try out their site as well as take advantage of their special offer of $19.95/year good through July 4, 2010.
Find out what are the most popular quizzes and forum topics. Listen in for dating advice and to learn about more about dating, love, and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
