Peril of the Week – The Shark in the Dating Pool

I received an email on Facebook from a former radio colleague of mine telling me that he was getting divorced at 60. He was petrified about dating after being married for 25 years.  He bought my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and joined a boomer online dating site.

Within a week, he submitted his first story for The Peril of the Week.

“I was just putting my toe in the dating water when I met a woman who had already gone off the deep end. “Rita” had a profile that reflected that she was smart, sassy, and had movie star looks. She messaged me about getting together for a glass of wine, and I said to myself “self, why not?” First bad sign for someone like me looking for honesty and trust in a relationship – she arrived looking much older than her picture, which was a glamour shot taken 15 years ago. The years had not been that kind to Rita, with a big weight gain and much sadder eyes.

By her 3rd glass of wine, Rita was getting very loud and in full party mode. By her 5th, she was talking about how great a lover she was, in graphic detail. After her 6th glass, I was able to pry her away from the bar and out to her car. Rita proceeded to pounce, with aggressive kisses and that extra hand women always complain about men having that seems to go right for the privates. I decided I really didn’t want my privates to go public with this woman.

I guess I have matured a little bit since the hormone raging days where I would have hit on her in a second (and probably lasted that long, too). I followed Rita home to make sure she was able to drive OK, and took off, telling her I just wasn’t ready to get intimate with anyone again. I don’t mean to make light of anyone with a drinking problem, but I have decided that coffee dates are better first dates than wine dates. Coffee opens your eyes to what she’s like, while drinking clouds your feelings and potentially your judgment. Note to self: Self, if you are not ready to swim, don’t dive into the deep end of the dating pool.”

The Peril of the Week was contributed by Suddenly Single at 60. Photo credit: Fotolia.

Do you have a dating disaster story to share?

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

New Online Dating Site Hitch.me Mixes Business With Pleasure

Do you believe that LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than most online dating profiles? If so, you’re not alone. On Friday the 13th, Hitch.me was officially launched using LinkedIn profiles as the basis for their site’s algorithms.

I had the opportunity to interview Hitch.me founder Navid Nadir, who is happily married with two children.  Nadir has a degree in computer engineering from Queens University in Kingston, Canada and although he isn’t interested in finding love online, both he and his wife have single friends who were frustrated with the process.

Nadir believes that over 50% of online dating profiles are fabricated. Nadir said,  “If you want to date someone, why lie?” That’s a question that many single daters struggle with as they hope there’s truth-in-advertising when viewing online dating profiles.

Nadir added, “It’s not just another niche site. It’s a niche site that is in demand. This is something we have been waiting for a long time. You can actually search for a profile based upon a skill-set, find someone based on specific industries, and search within groups that you are a member of on LinkedIn.”

The site is simple to use and there are no monthly fees.

Hitch.me members purchase credits in a pay-as-you-go format. Their 3 levels are:

• Beginner: $10 for 500 credits
• So Much for So Less: $25 for 2000 credits
• Guaranteed Satisfaction: $50 for 4000 credits

So how does the credit system work?

For 20 credits, you get just a “smile.” It’s their way of flirting.

For 50 credits, you get a “pitch,” the opportunity to send a 200 word email to the object-of-your-affection.

For 100 credits, Private Presentation: 100 credits. Can add youtube videos and images, 500 words and can add 3 images and one youtube video.

Does the site mix business with pleasure? Only if you want it to. You can select from finding a casual date, soulmate, friend, or a business partner.

For a limited time period, they are offering 200 free credits as they build their membership base. Click here to get started on Hitch.me

Do you believe LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than online dating profiles? Your comments are always welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter. 

Chemistry’s Top 10 Cities to Find a Sensitive Man

Are you ready to change your zip code to find love online?

Our friends at Chemistry.com have announced their Top 10 list of cities where you’re more likely to find a sensitive man.

Most of the cities on the list are on the east coast, except for Nashville, Indianapolis, and West Hollywood.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry’s Chief Scientific Officer and a former featured guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show said, ”Men do have a sensitive side.” Fisher added, ‘They want to please. They want to do the “right” thing.

The Top 10 list includes:

1. Popmano Beach, FL

2. Roanoke, VA

3. West Hollywood, CA

4. Nashville, TN

5. Buffalo, NY

6. Sarasota, FL

7. Greenville, SC

8. Wilmington, NC

9. Indianapolis, IN

10. Staten Island, NY

Ready to dive in and find a sensitive man? Click here to sign up and remember to share your online dating stories at CyberDatingExpert.com.

Chemistry.com Free Communication Weekend 1/13 – 1/15

Full article @Chemistry Blog

JDate is Responsible for More Jewish Marriages [infographic]

Just in time for the Jewish New Year, online dating site JDate has published an infographic showing a milestone of almost 1000 marriages since their inception in 2003.

The Jewish online dating site commissioned ResearchNow to survey married Jewish Internet users. The results showed that JDate is responsible for more Jewish marriages than all of the other major online dating sites combined.

Of the 948 who participated in the survey, 52% who married met on JDate.

It makes sense if religion is important to you to visit an online dating site with singles sharing the same belief. Singles appear to be dating up a storm. Five out of 9 Jews who were surveyed and were married since 2008, used an online dating site in their search for love.

Are you a member of a niche online dating site focusing on religion? Comments are welcome and you can sign up for JDate in our Dating Community.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Free Site OkCupid Now Has Something to Sell

One of the biggest pluses for OkCupid by their members has been the fact that they are a free online dating site. Singles have enjoyed their features and have been able to save more to actually spend on their dates.

There was speculation when they were acquired by IAC/Match earlier this year that they wouldn’t stay free for long. Their members were promised they would always be free. Well, almost.

If you haven’t logged in lately, you’ll see a big pop-up ad inviting you to become an A-List Member. Regularly priced at $9.95/month, they’re offering a special discount of $4.95/month.

So what will your benefits be if you decide to pay-to-play? Members are being promised that they’ll love OkCupid even more with so many extras.

The new features include:

• Browse anonymously and see visitors
• Ability to change your screen name
• Use the site ad-free
• Attach photos to emails
• Public and private photo albums
• Give unlimited awards
• Store up to 5000 messages
• Send messages to users whose inboxes are full

In addition, you’ll have digital bragging rights that you’re an A-List member, as you’ll be able to show off your swanky elite badge. At the end of the day, with 50% off, signing up for one year will cost less than one typical dinner date. My advice is it might be worth the splurge to stand out in the crowded digital playing field for less than $60/year.

For more information on their features, click here.

Julie Spira is a bestselling author and online dating expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to learn how to create an irresistible online dating profile. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira and like her at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert

Where to Find Love Online this Father’s Day

Just in time for Father’s Day, our friends at Match.com have come up with their Top 10 list of single dads looking for love online in three popular categories. [See infographic below]

Foodie-Dads: The online dating site polled their members and found that those men who are happy in the kitchen can be found in Scottsdale, Seattle, San Francisco, Portland and Boise.

Do-It-Yourself Dads: You won’t have to head to Home Depot alone if you’re in Spokane, Boise, Vancouver, Sarasota, or Toledo.

Sports-Crazed Dads: If you’re ready to fall for a sports fanatic or at least cheer him on, you’ll be the most successful in two cities in Arizona, Milwaukee, and Charlotte, to name a few.

When’s the most popular time for single dads to log on to look for love? According to Match’s members, early in the morning. Most men sign on from 6am – 9am, over coffee and a newspaper before they get ready for their busy day. Whitney Casey, Match.com’s relationship insider and author of The Man Plan says it’s because their testosterone level is the highest when they wake up.

The best news is that single dads are really interested in meeting women with children. With 30% of Match’s male members being single dads, newly divorced and single women with children should be able to fill their date card. Match reports that single dads are 56% more likely to email single moms than men without children. How are you planning on celebrating Father’s Day this year?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles and coaches singles on the dating scene. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Jesse and Curtis

On the one-year anniversary of the online dating site Cupidtino, where Apple enthusiasts, find each other, we’re happy to share one of their success stories, Jesse and Curtis.

Jesse, a woman from Northern California had initially emailed Curtis when he was in Palm Springs, CA. She noticed he was in the military and asked him what there was to do in Palm Springs in her initial email. After a few weeks, Jesse gave Curtis her personal email address so they could communicate off the site. He asked for her phone number and began communicating with her regularly.

Their first date was at a Starbucks, where they met in the middle with their MacBooks in tow. They continued their date for the weekend wine tasting, visiting Hearst Castle, and their love affair began.

After eight months from when they first started communicating, including the time when Curtis was stationed in Japan, he was discharged and moved to Silicon Valley to be with his sweetheart.

Congratulations to Jesse and Curtis, our Cyber Love Story of the Week, who kept their love of Apple at the top of the list while looking for love online and didn’t let distance get in the way. And of course, congratulations to Cupidtino on celebrating their one-year anniversary as an Internet dating site.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Read More Cyber Love Stories>>>

Dating Over 50? There’s a New Site For You

Photo credit: OurTime.com

Our friends at IAC, operator of Match.com have created a new site for singles over 50 looking for love online. OurTime.com was officially launched this week to help boomer singles 50+  find age-appropriate dates.

I recently spoke with Josh Meyers, CEO of People Media about OurTime.com and the rebranding from their successful Senior People Meet service for those who don’t look or feel over-the-hill. I shared his enthusiasm of the new name for a senior online dating site as not everyone in their 50s is ready to be called a “Senior.”

After a soft launch a few months ago, the site was able to attract over 1 million active members in conjunction with SeniorPeopleMeet.com. This popular growing demographic for online daters has received a lot of attention recently.

According to a press release, IAC has recorded a 400% increase in this member segment on People Media sites alone.

“This growing segment has clearly embraced online dating,” said Greg Blatt, CEO of IAC. “Our approach with any demographic category is to provide online dating choices, and this is no exception. To complement the broad-based experience enjoyed by so many over 50 on Match.com, we’re offering the more targeted experience of OurTime.com.  We expect substantial growth to continue with this group across both properties.”

Boomer dating is growing in popularity as many empty-nesters become divorced around the age of 50. Not everyone gets fixed up by their friends. If they’re logging onto facebook, they might as well join an age-appropriate dating site.

Members of OurTime.com can opt in to be viewed on SeniorPeopleMeet.com with no additional charge.

For more online dating advice, like us at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert

Peril of the Week – Advanced Warning Issued

It started out as an email sent from a man in New York who was a member of a popular online dating site. The recipient, an attractive intelligent single female shared the introductory email with some of her friends on Facebook, myself included. She wanted to know if she should go out with the man with the red flags. At first she thought it was hilarious. I told her not to go. Her curiosity got the best of her, so without further adieu, here’s an example of a date destined to go bad.

His first email appeared to be a “cut and paste” to many filled with a negative attitude. It read as follows:

“This may sound rude/odd but…what’s wrong with you? I have found there has to be a catch if I come across a cute, seemingly intelligent, well manner girl on this site.”

“I have tried this online dating thing for a while and to be honest… IT SUCKS!!!

“In the last month or so, I have been: stood up three times, canceled on at the last minute, met a girl who started to make out with another random guy at the bar while I watched, found out mid-date that the girl was inky 21 when her profile said she was 29, had a girl tell me how she is still in love with her ex, been told the day after a first date that she was getting back with her fiancé, but would love to use me for sex and my favorite…told that I was part of a “30 dates with 30 guys in 30 days” dare and that I had no shot. Fun times, right????”

“Now…based on the fact that you seem pretty awesome and the fact that I am apparently not cool enough to have plans on what should be a beautiful Friday night…How would you feel about being totally spontaneous and meeting me this evening? (who knows we might even like each other and get to make out?)”

“Now, I know you may want to email back and forth for days and then build up all this excitement hoping you found “the one”…but…I have found that usually leads to disappointment and then possibly therapy and sadness, right? Let’s skip all that nonsense and meet right away…OK? It will save us the let-down in the long run.”

“Now if you call/text/email, we can have possibly the blindest of dates…(assuming you don’t stand me up) or we can flirt via text from now until we do meet and build up expectations. Your choice, but first, please warn me about what is wrong with you so I know going into this that there will be little surprise! ”

With an email like this, I would have done one of two things. Either deleted it without response and forgotten about it, or send an email saying “No thank you. Best of luck with your search.”

Comments from her friends included, “Just be careful” to “This is hilarious. Go and report back to us.”  I explained that it was a mass email sent to many other women and told her not to go. Online dating safety is a hot button for me. I had a bad feeling about this from reading just the first sentence of his email.  I thought she should use her time wisely and find a man who is positive, emotionally healthy and worthy of her. I told her to do her homework, Google his email and phone number to find out more about him if she really wanted to pursue this. I had a bad feeling. I was told that I was too serious and that this was hilarious.

She did indeed go on a date with him, which was a disaster. She said she should have known that he was going to be crazy. After resfusing to tell him where she worked or lived, he left her in the bar. That would have been fine if it was over, but it wasn’t. He started to send her mean and nasty text messages. She asked him not to contact her again, and he said “no.”

Not only does this date qualify for The Peril of the Week, but it’s a warning message to spot the red flags and remember how to date safely. Don’t give out your home or work address, create a separate phone number on Google voice so you can change it if you continue to get harassed by a date gone badly, and trust your intuition. Listen to your friends if they are concerned about you. There are many wonderful singles looking for love online, but if you come across a situation or profile like this, report it to the Internet dating site you met on.

Do you have an online dating story to share?
Send your submissions and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Online Dating is More than Just Socially Acceptable

There’s seems to be no shortage of ways to find love. Last night, I was reading an article on Inc.com written by Tim Donnelly. Tim listed online dating and matchmaking as one of the best industries in 2011 for starting a business. Apparently everyone is joining in on the digital dating bandwagon.

According to the numbers from IBISWorld, there are 14,427 online dating and matchmaking sites in the United States. Cyber-Dating Expert, formed in 2008 is proud to one of them, helping singles create irresistible profile and find dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Back in the early days of online dating, 15-20 years ago, you didn’t brag about. It’s only been in the past few years that the surge of online dating for the masses has become socially acceptable. Sites are popping up daily, and if you’re single and are on facebook, there’s a great likelihood that you’ve also signed up for one of the thousands of Internet dating sites.

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear another success couple which I enjoy featuring in the Cyber Love Story of the Week. But dating is a numbers game. You have to play to win. You also may need to widen your search to consider dating someone older or younger, and even change the radius of your search to meet someone in another city or country. I encourage you to change your zip code while traveling for vacation or business and to be open to the possibilities. There are over 96 million singles in the United States and over 116 million singles visiting online dating sites worldwide. There’s no excuse anymore. There are great singles out there finding love online. It’s time to dip your toe in and sign up for an online dating site.

Julie Spira is bestselling author an online dating expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert

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