In my series of online dating advice videos on GenConnect.com, I tell singles not to cancel their Internet dating membership before trying some of these tips:
It’s important for women to realize that it’s okay to actually initiate contact with a man. I have a saying, don’t wait, initiate. I truly mean it because a man sometimes will be flattered when he sees your email in his inbox.
Log on in the morning and keep your account open all day. By the time you come home for dinner you might have quite a few emails there. You might be surprised.
Well, it’s no secret that men love to gravitate to the new fresh face. Log on to your profile, and just tweak a few sentences here and there. Or, if you’ve recently done something interesting, add it to your profile to have it raise up to the top of the list.
Singles need to look at online dating as an opportunity to expand your social and business network. So, I always say cast a very wide net. You just never know who you might meet, who could help you, or maybe you’ll just make a new friend along the way.
This week’s Cyber Dating tip for successful online dating is quite simply, take your relationship from online to offline as soon as possible.
How soon you may ask? After sending a few emails, it’s best to move the relationship to the telephone. Find out if you have that same offline chemistry and you have online. Too often, I see singles falling in love from behind their computer screens. Sometimes, it’s with someone they believe is single and is available for a relationship, when in fact the complete opposite can be true. If during your phone conversation, you don’t feel comfortable, don’t feel obligated to set up a date on the calendar.
For more cyberdating tips and dating advice, Visit CyberDatingExpert.com
You’ve signed up for an online dating site. Your inbox is full of interested singles trying to capture your attention. You put yourself out there and opened up your heart. How can you tell if he’s sincere or if he or she is a cyber player or serial dater?
In a recent article on Sympatico.ca Personals, I shared some of my insights, online dating tips, and red flags with Jenna Stone.
They’re the scourge of the dating scene, the stealth enemy of anyone seeking a long-term, committed relationship – The Players.
There you are, putting yourself out there, hoping to find someone with whom to spend your life, and there he/she is messing it all up. They make the apparent right gestures and tell you what you want to hear, all the while working the same schtick on someone else, or several someone elses.
And they’re not just lurking in the bars and clubs either. They’re online, sneaking around your favourite dating sites. How can you avoid…(insert dramatic B Movie monster music here)…THE CYBER PLAYER?
Julie Spira is a cyber dating expert, and author of the online book The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She offered some insight on how to keep the cyber serial dater at bay.
She says, “There are certainly a lot of them online. They become these little kids in a candy store because they can always find a pretty face. And they get five new e-mails in their inbox every day.” Spira is quick to point out that, while many people DO indeed commit, the web has “really created a feeding ground for people who can’t.”
Spira says there are two categories of online players. The first are people who are also offline players and it’s how they live their lives. “They see online dating as an extra way to feed their egos.” The other type, she says, are those who were shy and unlucky in love, but then tried online dating and “all of the sudden they go from being socially challenged to suddenly having all of these options.”
Sometimes, she adds, they don’t even meet anyone in person. “They just talk and chat. They get sort of addicted to it.”
So, that’s red flag #1. They keep putting off meeting you in real life. Seems obvious right? But a lot of people can’t read the clearest signs and wind up wasting a lot of time.
If someone won’t eventually come play outside, they might not be socially capable. They might even be hiding behind an entirely constructed persona.
Once you do meet them outside, Spira says that, oddly, they tend to come on strong and talk a lot about commitment. “When you go on a date with a cyber player, they will say things that are the complete opposite from what you’d expect. They say things like ‘I was married before and I want to be married again,’ ‘I’m looking for one woman to wake up with every morning.’ They say these types of things a little too much and you might find yourself raising an eyebrow.”
But then, right after they leave you, they’re back cruising the cyber singles scene.
“They go home and send you an e-mail that says ‘I had such an amazing date with you, there was so much chemistry. I can’t wait to see you again,’ and you see that they’ve already logged on at 12:30 in the morning after your date ended at eleven o’clock that night.” (Most dating sites allow you to see when a member is online)
Of course, it’s OK to spend as much time as you please cruising when you’re just dating. It’s when things are supposed to be getting serious that these become red flags.
Spira advises you err on the side of caution, keep your own profile up and continue to date other people. And, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, “Do not sleep with someone who is unwilling to pull down their profile.
“If you’re on a casual dating site and are advertising that you’re accepting that type of relationship, that’s one thing. But if you go on a site dedicated to serious relationships, like e-Harmony or JDate or Match.com, and you state on the profile that you are looking for a long term relationship and marriage, that’s another.”
It’s a common question: When is the appropriate time to take down the profile? There’s no right answer. But you need to be comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable with the other person’s profile remaining up, then it’s not unreasonable to address that.
Spira says, “I’ve seen it too many times where a woman says ‘I’ve been dating this guy for a year and he won’t pull down his profile.’ I say, ‘Well, you never really talked about that before your clothes wound up on the floor.”
The bottom line? Talk about it.
Once offline, if you find yourself falling for a player and want to try to get them to tame their wild ways, Spira suggests a few things that include,
1: Keeping busy. Don’t always be readily available and live a life that’s exciting and fun, and will continue to be so with or without them in it.
2. Setting a time limit. Make it clear you’ll only wait around for so long.
3. Giving instructions on how you want to communicate. If you want daily phone calls and flirty text messages, Spira says don’t be afraid to ask for them.
A lot of people do find themselves trying to catch the player, convinced they can make them change. It’s one option.
Remember, there’s always another option. You could just move on to someone else.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for Dating Advice
In a recent interview with PC World, I was asked about online dating romances. Too often we have a false sense of illusion that we are in a relationship because of all of the online communications. This is where knowledge of online dating safety comes in.
“Keep in mind, you are communicating with someone you have never met before,” advises Julie Spira, author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online .
“Take your relationship from online to offline as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry,” Spira says.
Read the article by Hillary Rhodes on PC World for more tips on finding out if your online beau or beauty is worth investing in an airline ticket for.
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where Dr. Terri L. Orbuch, The Love Doctor for SeniorPeopleMeet.com provided terrific online dating tips for singles of all ages. Senior People Meet focuses on singles in the 50+ crowd who are interested in finding love online.
Hear Dr. Terri’s dating advice for:
* Online dating safety
* When to introduce your date to your children
* Why physical qualities are important to both men and women
* When to take down your online dating profile
Listen to the program to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
In Part Two of my Interview series by Social Dating site Zoosk, I share my tips for creating your irresistible online dating profile and talk about the future of mobile dating.
Listen to Ask the CyberDating Expert Radio Show, where our featured guest, Marie Forleo, bestselling author of Make Every Man Want You talked to Julie Spira about her book and provided her expert relationship advice.
Find out what it means to be irresistible and learn the 7 habits of highly unattractive women.
Hear Marie’s dating advice and tips on how to make your online dating profile more irresistible. You’ll hear her opinion on who should initiate contact if you’re an active member of an online dating site.
Marie shared her passion about her “Rich, Happy and Hot” mastery program and her fun and flirty irresistible quiz which is available for free on her site, MakeEveryManWantYou.com.
Hear Marie’s thoughts on dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Cyber-Dating Expert and bestselling author Julie Spira will be a featured guest on the Mark and Brian Show on KLOS in Los Angeles.
Spira will share her online dating tips and advice from her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online on March 9, 2010.
To listen to the program click here>>>
Welcome to February. It’s officially the month of love.
If you are feeling the pressure, don’t fret. Here are some online dating tips to help you get through the month of February.
How many Valentine’s Dates Should You Have?
Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday this year. In addition, Monday is a legal holiday in the U.S. so it becomes a three day weekend for many. Does that mean that you should have three dates on your calendar if you are single?
I happen to believe that three is a lucky number. If you aren’t in an exclusive relationship and your online dating profile is still up, there’s no reason NOT to ask three women out or accept more than one invitation over the course of the weekend.
Your Online Dating Profile
If your online dating profile is still active and you have your date(s) lined up for the weekend, I suggest that you don’t visit your online dating site in the days leading up to Valentine’s. It might take the romance out of your date if he or she notices your activity level.
Dine in, or Dine Out
Make sure you make your dining reservations early. Some of the best restaurants get booked in full in January. If you can’t get a restaurant reservation, dining at home with take-out food on fine china by candlelight makes a nice alternative to expensive dining. If you don’t have time to call around, go to OpenTable.com to see what’s available in your neighborhood and price range.
Valentine’s Gift Giving
When it comes to gift-giving on Valentine’s Day, it can be a bit tricky. Being over extravagant early on in your relationship might scare someone away.
If you are wondering what kind of gift you should give your date, stop by your local Hallmark store and pick up an appropriate card for your Valentine and a box of chocolate. One simple rose for her will make a nice addition to the evening. For the man in your life, stop by Whole Foods and pick up a chocolate lollypop that says, “You’re My Hero” for $4.00. You’ll find them both melting in your arms. If your relationship is new, find a card that is witty and humorous.
If you have moved into an exclusive relationship and want to impress him or her, stop by Tiffany & Co. where they have a selection of Valentine’s Gifts. Their Elsa Peretti® Color by the Yard bracelet in sterling silver with a pink sapphire is priced at $175. They have a full page of gifts for under $100. For him, Engine-turned oval cuff links in sterling silver are priced at $150.
The Morning After
Take advantage of the holiday if you can. If your date involves an overnight stay, having breakfast in bed together will be a nice way to end the weekend, but only if you aren’t book for a lunch date with another suitor.
If Valentine’s arrives and you don’t have a date, don’t fret. There’s nothing worse than pretending to enjoy a very expensive evening. During the daytime if you are in Los Angeles, I will be speaking along with Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to I Do” at The Second Sunday Series of An Empowered Woman. For the evening, find another single friend and go to a movie or stay in and read a book. If there are any singles events in your area, sign up and meet other singles. It’s not the end of the world and before you know it, spring fever will be in season.
Julie Spira is known world-wide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
It’s almost two weeks until Valentine’s Day. There’s no need to hide or ban wearing red until February 15th. Read my dating advice on JDate’s advice site, JMag for singles who would like to get lucky in love by Valentine’s Day.