Cyber-Dating Expert

This scene may sound familiar. You meet a guy and have an instant connection. You start flirting back and forth and the next thing you know, you’re wondering, Are we in a relationship? Are the feelings mutual?

When Deb wrote to me with this familiar scenario after sending multiple flirty text messages to each the new man she had a crush on, she was concerned that things were moving too quickly. Was she becoming too attached?

Deb now wonders if her new guy is a player as he was also flirting with other women. She became anxious about the situation. Now her dream guy is sending her emails and text messages saying that he loves her. Even more confused, she called him out on his flirtatious behavior, of which he replied, “I get it.” Should she move forward with this guy? What should she do?

Well Deb, some people are born flirts. Instant chemistry is rare and when we find it, we automatically fast-forward our feelings and start thinking about our relationship, our future, marriage, children, the works. But slow down Deb. Why is this guy who’s texting you with love notes flirting with others in the same sentence as he uses the “L” word so freely. Just how many other women does he say that to? Is he waiting to hear it back to feed his ego or is he sincere?

A man who is committed to being in a relationship with you isn’t going to screw it up by making you jealous and putting himself in the position of being discarded, with his phone number permanently deleted on your iPhone and in your heart.

What should you do? Play the field. Yes. There’s no ring on your finger, and hopefully you haven’t been intimate yet. Don’t confuse love with lust. While your emotions and hormones are running at high speed, you don’t know his intentions other than he’s that instant chemistry guy, which can be dangerous. I know this first hand, as I wrote about it in my book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, when I too, had that instant chemistry with a guy I met. It turned out that he was a major player, and just like the Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, I’ll hum the line, “Players on love you when they’re playing.” It’s a game that can leave you feeling empty and alone.

My advice is simply, to take it slow. Date other men. Don’t sleep with this chemistry guy. Have fun flirting here and there, but don’t assume you’re in a relationship. Some relationships that start off hot-and-heavy, end just as quickly.

Hopefully your guy is different. Perhaps he’s just nervous. Texting can’t replace quality time in person. Take a look at my latest YourTango Experts video, where I address the texting issue in a relationship. Time will tell if your guy is for real and time is a precious gift.

Keep me posted.

Wishing you much love and happiness.

Julie

Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Send your dating and relationship questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and sign up for our Weekly Flirt.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.  

Do you believe that LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than most online dating profiles? If so, you’re not alone. On Friday the 13th, Hitch.me was officially launched using LinkedIn profiles as the basis for their site’s algorithms.

I had the opportunity to interview Hitch.me founder Navid Nadir, who is happily married with two children.  Nadir has a degree in computer engineering from Queens University in Kingston, Canada and although he isn’t interested in finding love online, both he and his wife have single friends who were frustrated with the process.

Nadir believes that over 50% of online dating profiles are fabricated. Nadir said,  “If you want to date someone, why lie?” That’s a question that many single daters struggle with as they hope there’s truth-in-advertising when viewing online dating profiles.

Nadir added, “It’s not just another niche site. It’s a niche site that is in demand. This is something we have been waiting for a long time. You can actually search for a profile based upon a skill-set, find someone based on specific industries, and search within groups that you are a member of on LinkedIn.”

The site is simple to use and there are no monthly fees.

Hitch.me members purchase credits in a pay-as-you-go format. Their 3 levels are:

• Beginner: $10 for 500 credits
• So Much for So Less: $25 for 2000 credits
• Guaranteed Satisfaction: $50 for 4000 credits

So how does the credit system work?

For 20 credits, you get just a “smile.” It’s their way of flirting.

For 50 credits, you get a “pitch,” the opportunity to send a 200 word email to the object-of-your-affection.

For 100 credits, Private Presentation: 100 credits. Can add youtube videos and images, 500 words and can add 3 images and one youtube video.

Does the site mix business with pleasure? Only if you want it to. You can select from finding a casual date, soulmate, friend, or a business partner.

For a limited time period, they are offering 200 free credits as they build their membership base. Click here to get started on Hitch.me

Do you believe LinkedIn profiles are more accurate than online dating profiles? Your comments are always welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter. 

Fashion magazine is celebrating with a very special February issue devoted to love. With Valentine’s Day just a few weeks away, I was asked to contribute to their article, Love Among the Laptops.

In this in-depth article, we looked at Facebook, Twitter, BlackBerry Messenger, Google searches, and the high-digital pressure act of friending and unfriending someone you’re dating.

Read how to deal with the new challenges posed by dating in the online age. An excerpt from the article is below.

With appreciation, many thanks to Siofan Davies for quoting me in the story, along with Sherrie Schneider, co-author of the famous relationship book, The Rules and follow-up, The Rules for Online Dating.

Julie Spira, the L.A.-based author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online says the urge to research a prospective date is natural. “Do a Google search, make sure they work where they say they work and that there’ nothing bad about them,” she begins.  This is sensible advice my mother would appreciate. “We also want to make sure their Facebook photos match their online dating photos, and find out if we have any friends in common. The next thing would be, well, let’s friend each other.” Her reasoning. Well no, don’t friend each other. ” Her reasoning: Just as you will be mining his profile for useful or petty information, he will undoubtedly be mining yours. “You still want someone to get to know you,” says Spira. “If everything they get to know about you is because they saw it on Facebook, what’s left to talk about?”

For the full article, pick up a copy of Fashion magazine, Canada’s number 1 beauty and fashion magazine, where you’ll find the story on pages 81-86. If you aren’t in Canada, I’ve attached the .pdf of the article here:  Fashion Magazine – Love Among the Laptops. As always, comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Halloween is one of the most fun holidays for singles and couples of all ages. Dressing up for Halloween is an absolute must for singles looking to connect.

So how does a single person enjoy this fun and flirty holiday? I believe that Halloween gives you permission to jump out of your comfort zone and become more approachable. Besides the youthful trick-or-treaters ringing your doorbell,  singles holiday parties are in abundance. I suggest you RSVP to as many as possible, grab a few friends and go out with a smile on your face along with a devilish grin.

In preparation for Halloween, it’s also a good time to brush up on your flirting skills. Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to I Do” and one of my mentors,  teaches the 5-second flirt technique and encourages singles to flirt with 5 men every day and gaze into their eyes for five very long seconds.  Although it’s a challenge and may seem like an eternity, on Halloween it should be a piece of cake, or at least a handful of candy corn.

Let’s start with selecting your sexy Halloween costume. Although you wouldn’t dress like this on a first date, you now have permission to show some skin without the expectation of jumping into the bedroom. Some of my favorites are from Leg Avenue.

Halloween Cheerleader

1. The Cheerleader. What guy didn’t fantasize about being with a cheerleader in high school? Now’s his chance with this sexier version guaranteed to put a smile on his face. Cost $38.

Halloween - French Maid

2. The French Maid. This class Halloween costume never goes out of style. Now’s your chance to flirt with him with your duster in tow. Who knows just where he might be ticklish? Cost $65.

Halloween - Queen of Hearts

3. Queen of Hearts. Poker night will never be the same after he sees you in this Queen of Hearts outfit. Approach him and make a bet. See if he ups the ante.  Price $75.

Don’t forget to bring your camera, iPhone or PDA and set your camera settings to movie. Go up to that cute guy and compliment him on his costume and ask if you can take his photo. Better yet, jump into the shot and have your friend take a picture of you and that hot guy. Then ask him if you can friend him on Facebook or email him the photos.

Remember to memorialize your Halloween festivities in a video on YouTube or upload your photos to Facebook. Go ahead and tag him if he agrees.  He’ll be flattered that you took the time to do so.

Julie Spira is an online dating and relationship expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating.  Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where you can share your Internet dating stories. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

To friend, or not to friend? This question comes up all too often from singles I’m coaching when they first start dating someone new.

My advice is always a firm no. Not just yet.

Although you may be enthusiastic about your phone conversations, have sent a few text messages back-and-forth, and enjoy spending 1-3 hours every day on Facebook,  it might seem like the next logical step to add your new date as a friend on Facebook. I call this trend “premature friending” and it might lead to a startling ending of a relationship that never had the full chance to move forward on a normal digital course.

Setting romantic boundaries on Facebook and other social networks can be quite tricky. However, it really doesn’t have to be so complicated after all.

So without further digital adieu, here are some of the most popular questions I’m asked, with answers to help your love life, both online and in real life.

Should you ignore a Facebook friend request before meeting your date?

If you regularly ignore other requests from strangers or friends-of-friends, then do the same with the man or woman you have not yet met. Think about it. Your new date might be secretly cyber stalking you to check on your where-abouts to see if it adds up to the way you described yourself. Sound creepy? Well, it is. So yes, ignore it. They aren’t a friend yet, nor are they your boyfriend or girlfriend.

You had a great first date. Is it safe to send a friend request?

No, not just yet. Unless you discussed a business deal or partnership and want to ease your way in with a Linkedin request, he or she is quite likely still on the market. They won’t want you gazing at their online activity, nor should you be staring at theirs. Avoid posting comments about your date or post the cute photo that you snapped on your iPhone after your first martini. It’s too soon to go spreading the news on the public Internet.

You had sex. Are you ready to be Facebook friends?

Just because you spent time together between the sheets, doesn’t mean it’s time to change your status to “In a Relationship.” Make sure you have the talk first about your relationship. If you’re both on the same digital page, then go ahead and change the relationship status together. If you aren’t in a committed relationship, you’re likely to have your feelings hurt when you see his arm around another girl or her in an uncompromising photo with another guy. If either one of you is sitting on the digital fence, then stay friends offline before becoming friends online.

The relationship never took off. Can we just be friends?

If you know for certainty that there was no chemistry or a chance for romance, and no one feels jilted, go ahead and become friends if you truly like each other and know it will be platonic. If you find yourself staring at his or her wall wondering what they’re up to, then you’re not being honest with yourself. Politely unfriend them until you know you’re over it.

At the end of the digital day, don’t let your feelings be hurt if the other party ignores your friend request. Everyone has their own prerequisites for friending and unfriending each other on the world’s largest social network.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating and netiquette expert.  She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice. Connect with Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira, Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette

In the category of Peril of the Week, this week’s news story of the Michigan woman who met her online boyfriend while playing Mafia Wars on Facebook makes it to the top of the list and on the court docket.

According to the Seattle Times, 50-year old Cheryl Gray, who initially claimed to be 42, claims Wylie Iwan from Washington state led her on, publicly humiliated her on Facebook, and cost her to spend money on an airplane ticket for a trip that was abruptly cancelled.

According to the Seattle Times, Gray was planning on visiting Iwan in Washington and had paid for an airline ticket that cost about $900. Just days before she was to fly to see him, he advised her that he had met someone else. It was a facebook breakup and she didn’t see it coming.

The Seattle Times reports:

Cheryl Gray says Wylie Iwan led her on, caused her to spend money on gifts and a trip to the Tri-Cities, then humiliated her when he posted vulgar comments on her Facebook wall.

They became Facebook friends in September and had about 300 friends in common, she said. During the next couple of months, they began talking through Facebook messages, and Gray said Iwan wanted to exchange personal information and get to know her.

Although they met on Mafia wars, they created their own Facebook war after the relationship ended with Gray setting up a hate group on Facebook. She accused Iwan of being an online predator. Iwan then allegedly posted bitter messages about her on Facebook, where Gray is now seeking damages in the amount of $8,368.88. Gray’s attorney is seeking damages for misrepresentation, promissory estoppel, defamation of character, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. So much for being social, on the world’s largest social network.

To you have an online dating story or dating disaster story to share?

Submit your story for consideration in the Peril of the Week

Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

It’s Friday the 13, so instead of feeling unlucky in the romance department and staying home with a pint of ice cream, grab your inner flirt and enjoy the day.

All around the world, people will be thinking about Friday the 13^th. In Australia, they say the stars are in alignment and it’s considered a good day for lovers.

There’s no need to think that will be a perilous one. For those who are leery, I challenge you to go ahead and ask try some of these 13 dating tips and leave the superstitions behind. After all, there’s only one Friday the 13^th this year, so put your best foot forward, walk over the crack in the sidewalk,  and leave the fear behind.

1. Have a crush at work?  Ask out the cute girl down the hall out for an after-work drink.
2. Taking a walk during your lunch break?  Smile at guy who is standing next to you at the red light.
3. Looking for love online? Log in and write to 13 men or women whose profiles pique your curiosity.
4. Not ready to send an email? Send 13 flirts or winks instead with the hope that he or she will notice.
5. Curious about your horoscope? Email the person  you’re in communication with theirs and ask them is they’re superstitious on Friday the 13^th.
6. Canceling your date for fear it will be bad luck? Keep it on your calendar or he or she may end up in the arms of another.
7. Change your online dating profile and post 13 photos that you’ve already uploaded on Facebook.
8. Open up your Facebook chat and look through the thumbnails of who is online now and start the conversation.
9. Big on Twitter? Remember #FollowFriday and send #FF wishes to 13 people who you admire, whether you’ve met or not.
10. Find a happy hour in your neighborhood and go for a light dinner. Ask that cute guy or girl what they think of Friday the 13^th to get the conversation started.
11. Go to YouTube and listen to Stevie Wonder’s hit song, “Superstitious.”
12. Still think you should stay in? Rent the film “Friday the 13^th:” on Netflix and watch it with someone you’d like to cuddle up with. Remember there are 4 versions of this famous horror flick.
13. On a date? Spill some salt on the table after you walk under the ladder and laugh about it during dessert.Who knows? Today might just be the beginning of a series of anniversary dates and you just might get lucky in love after all.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and like us at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

If you’ve had an on-again off-again love affair with Internet dating or are just thinking about creating an online dating profile for the first time, wouldn’t you like it if your profile was so irresistible that you could pick and choose who to date?

I’m here to tell you that I’ve seen thousands and thousands of profiles over the years, and it never ceases to amaze me how singles represent themselves online. You probably think you know how to write an online dating profile, but if you’re single and are frustrated with the outcome of your efforts, it’s time to seek professional help from a dating coach. Think about it. If you were looking for a job, you’d make sure that your resume was proof read, wasn’t sarcastic, and would do what you needed to do to make sure it got to the top of the list of the hiring manager, including behaving properly before your appointment.

I’m here with good news. Valentine’s Day happens to be one of my favorite holidays of the year. Regardless of my relationship status, I know that it’s the time where it’s easy to attract men. Right after the New Year, singles start to think about Valentine’s Day. Some couples break up as their relationship ran its course over the holidays. As part of our Irresistible Valentine’s Celebration, I’m offering all singles 15% off my irresistible online dating and private coaching services now through February 10th. I’m committed to helping you find a date by Valentine’s Day, that I’m spending all of my spare time teaching singles online and through the upcoming live chat, radio, and television interviews some of my best tips. But sometimes you need more than just listening to a dating expert on TV. You need that personalized attention that I can give you.

For this limited time offer, please contact me directly at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact to schedule a private phone consultation. Irresistible coaching is only for those who are truly serious about finding love this year. For those who sign up for the Totally in Love package, you’ll also get an autographed copy of my bestselling online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating.

Contact us for more information and remember to like us on Facebook.

***MEDIA ALERT***

Julie Spira—Cyber-Dating Expert Now booking Media Appearances in New York City from April 19-24, 2010 and May 24-27, 2010

Best-Selling Author to be Featured-Speaker at The 140 Characters Conference

Los Angeles, CA, March 23, 2010 – Julie Spira, best-selling author and online dating expert will share her expertise on dating in a Web 2.0 world along with other distinguished guests on the panel “Experiencing: Love, Dating and Romance in the Real-Time Web” at the Twitter 140 Characters Conference on April 21, 2010.

A worldwide authority on online dating, Spira will share with an international audience of social-media enthusiasts, Twitterholics, tech-heads, and cyber-singles her tips for finding love online.

Spira, recently named one of the “Top 10 Dating Advice Columnists to Follow on Twitter” by YourTango.com, is honored to participate on this first-time panel to discuss online dating in real time. The cyber-dating expert has been a frequent media guest and has been quoted/featured in/on The New York Times, CBS News, ABC.com, FOX News, the Los Angeles Times, Glamour.com, and Men’s Health. She was a recent guest on The Mark and Brian Radio Show on KLOS-Los Angeles and was featured in the Woman’s Day Guide to Online Dating.

Online dating is HOT TOPIC and a multi-billion dollar industry.

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Julie Spira will share her secrets with your audience including:

How to create an IRRESISTIBLE Online Dating Profile
How to become the woman EVERY man wants
The 5 Secrets to Finding Love Online
The Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Daters
How to Attract More Quality Dates and Become a Man-Magnet
How to spot the RED FLAGS in an Online Dating Profile

An early proponent of online dating and social networking, Spira is a source of expert advice, authoritative information, and inspiration to millions of singles searching for meaningful love-connections through online dating sites and social networking.

Spira is the author of the best-selling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She is the host of the radio show “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert.” Her dating advice appears on eHarmony Advice, The Huffington Post, Your Tango, Date Daily, LA Dating Advice – Examiner.com, and on ZOOSK – the largest social dating site on the Web.

Spira will be appearing at Book Expo America in May, 2010 where she will be signing copies of her book.

To book an interview, contact Julie@CyberDatingExpert.com or call (310) 433-7786.

Visit: CyberDatingExpert.com/press-room

Sizzle Reel: CyberDatingExpert.com/sizzle

One Sheet: CyberDatingExpert.com/one-sheet

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Online Dating Book

Are you looking for a holiday gift or stocking stuffer this year for your single friends? Pick up a copy of the online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

This tell-all memoir spans 15 years and is a witty and heartfelt romantic story of the quest to find love in cyberspace. The book’s message is about authenticity, never settling, and staying optimistic even during the most difficult times. Is there a happy ending? You’ll have to read the book to find out.

Here’s what they are saying about The Perils of Cyber-Dating

“Hilariously Funny! Singles of all ages need to read this book.”

~ Joan Rivers
Comedienne and Best Selling Author

“It’s like Sex and The City in a Web 2.0 World.”

~E. Jean Carroll
Columnist, “Ask E. Jean” Elle Magazine

“This book is a must for this generation of singles, both male and female, who are into cyber-dating. It is possible to find someone if you know the rules.”

~ Dane Robert Swanson
Santa Monica Daily Press

The Perils of Cyber-Dating gives hope to singles that they can successfully meet someone online.”

~ Dr. Pat Allen
Author of the best-seller of Getting to “I Do”

“Thank goodness there are still hopeful romantics left in this world!”

~ Cheryl Woodcock
Producer and Correspondent, Entertainment Tonight-The Insider

This book is your must-have navigation guide to help you safely travel through the perilous landscape of cyber-dating. Plus, Spira’s personal stories are a hoot and a half!”

~ Diane Dimond
Journalist and Author

“Julie Spira tells a compelling story, shares intimate moments, and transforms her experience into means of larger good.”

~ Veronica De Laurentiis
Best-selling Author of Rivoglio La Mia Vita

To purchase a copy of the book or for media inquiries, visit CyberDatingExpert.com