Woman’s Day Guide to Online Dating
March 11, 2010
Woman’s Day just published their guide to online dating. Both eHarmony’s Gian Gonzaga and myself were featured in their guide.
They listed 12 important dating and relationship tips to be successful while looking for love online. Just how many people should you date at once? What are the keys to a successful Internet dating profile? Which are the most popular sites to try?
Read the article for the answers to these questions and to improve your odds to make your online dating experience more enjoyable.
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Lori Gottlieb
March 10, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday, March 13, 2010 as she welcomes Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Lori’s book is now on both the New York Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller lists. She has appeared on the Today show, Dr. Phil, CNN, and more.
Recently, I had the opportunity to talk to Lori about her book. You can read Marry Him: A Conversation with Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.
Get your list of your questions ready for this rare opportunity to talk directly to the author and hear expert dating advice. Find out really what it means to “settle” and hear Lori’s personal experience with online dating and her quest to find Mr. Right.
Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2PM/EST, 12noon/CST, 11am/PST with your questions and to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Dating Advice: Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating
March 9, 2010
The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating
1. The Google Rule – Googling your date. We all do it. It’s just too easy to find out the juicy details of the person you have on your date card. If you do decide to do a search, please don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” on your first date. Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself.
2. The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. I urge singles to be honest about their age and weight in their profiles. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-pounds off your actual weight or 5-years from your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone, in your profile, or on your first date– especially if you want to make it to a second date.
3. The Food and Beverage Rule – A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. Another date made a point of asking what my favorite cuisine was so he could select the perfect restaurant for dinner. He refused to order food after we sat down at the table. Neither of them made it to a second date.
4. The Valet Parking Rule – It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically much less than the cost of the next cosmopolitan. You’ll get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and
may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.
5. The Ex Rule - Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy they are that their payments are about to end, change the subject, or run. He’s just not over her or him.
6. The Body Parts Rule – Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.
7. The To Go Bag Rule – Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more importantly, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well. The man who asked for the remains of his pizza crust to go along with the scraps of my salad didn’t make a good impression.
8. The Send Button Rule - When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself instead. You can’t take it back. Your date’s revenge could be in forwarding your email all over the Internet. If it gets indexed by Google, you’ll have a hard time finding another date.
9. The Marriage Proposal Rule – Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call! Falling in love from your keyboard or iPhone isn’t really love. It’s a false fantasy that you are in a relationship.
10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages these days. But is it right?
Excerpts from the bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira
©2008 Julie Spira – Cyber Dating Expert, LLC All Rights Reserved
CyberDatingExpert.com
Dating Advice – Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
March 8, 2010
Cyber-Dating Expert
Dear Julie,
I’m a 42-year old male and have never been married. I’m Jewish and would like to meet a Jewish woman and have children. I’ve tried JDate and have met some nice women, but no one worth marrying. I’d like a woman who is honest, kind, pretty, who must be politically and sexually compatible with myself. Do you think I’m too picky?
~Single Guy in LA
Dear Single Guy,
There are more women than you can imagine who are looking for a marriage-minded man. Especially one who is interested in having children. Focus in on the profiles of women that specifically say they are looking for children. Join more than one dating site to widen your search. Be open to the possibilities of meeting someone who is divorced and may want to have another child.
As far as politically compatible, join the political groups and attend fundraisers where you will meet women you know you can easily have a conversation with. Unless you are hopping into bed right away, you won’t know if you are sexually compatible. Chances are if the first kiss is good, it’s a sign of good things to come. Hang in there and go on at least 3 dates with a woman who matches your requirements in 3 out of the 5 categories. No one gets it all, all the time.
Good luck with your search.
Julie Spira
Julie Spira is known worldwide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
Flirtexting on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show
March 6, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, authors of Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart
You’ll hear about the benefits of Flirtexting and why it works so well in our faced paced lives. The authors dished out dating advice and their thoughts about how to use text messages to improve the quality of your relationship.
Listen to find out just which one of the two was asked out to the prom via text message and how she felt about it.
Find out some texting do’s and don’ts and remember to put March 11, 2010 at 10:00am on your calendar, where the authors will be talking about sexting for the over 50 crowd on the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hoda.
Learn all of this and more on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio show where we talk about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
The Art of Love Radio Show
March 5, 2010
On Sunday, March 7, 2010, Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira will be a featured guest on The Art of Love radio show hosted by relationship expert, Lucia.
Listen to the program on LA Talk Radio at 3:00pm, PST for dating advice and to hear more about finding love on your favorite online dating site.
You’ll hear more about the top ten rules of netiquette for online daters from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
Weekly Flirt
March 4, 2010
Click here and let the flirting begin!>>>
Love Hurts, or Does It? A Night of Dating Advice
March 3, 2010
Lori Gottlieb, Greg Behrendt, and Sascha Rothchild
There’s no shortage of dating advice these days. This week Angelenos were treated to a night to laughter, dating advice, and charity as 826LA, a non-profit writing and tutoring center for children ages 6-12 presented, “Love Hurts: Ask the Experts.”
The event was moderated by Time magazine’s funny man Joel Stein. Featured authors included Greg Behrendt, from He’s Just Not That Into You fame along with Lori Gottlieb, author of the bestseller, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
was released earlier this year.
It was interesting to note that both of the men on stage were married and both women were not.
Gottlieb’s book has received a lot of attention and criticism from feminists as well as those who never actually read the book who jumped to conclusion that “settling” was a bad decision before picking up their copy.
Views on Marriage
When the group was asked about their views of marriage, Rothchild said she would like to get married again, but won’t get divorced if she can help it. She added that many get married to wear a beautiful dress and get wedding gifts.
Behrendt told the group that he is not a relationship expert. He wrote two books about how to get out of relationships so he thought he wouldn’t be the one to know how to get in them. He suggested that singles go to Las Vegas to make their relationship legal and have a party in front of your friends. When asked why he got married, he replied with, “I got married because my wife wanted to get married. I didn’t want to lose her.” He says that marriage works for him.
Gottlieb said she went directly to experts to find out what really matters for love, long term happiness and got some answers. . She said she felt like a dating guinea pig and tried out their advice to try to get to the altar. Her findings are written in her well-researched book.
“Settling for Mr. Good Enough does not mean that you are settling with someone who you are not attracted to,” said Gottlieb. She added, ”We rule out too many people. Good enough is everybody’s Mr./Ms. Good enough.” The bestselling author says that bow-ties are hot. So are men named Sheldon. She admits that she didn’t use to feel that way.
Rothchild says if you are going into a marriage thinking it will make you happy, you will be disappointed. She hates the line, “You will complete me.” She added, “If two half-people meet up they will be miserable. You can’t expect someone to make you happy.”
Views on Online Dating
According to Rothchild, online dating works for some people. She likes to get a sense of someone in person and isn’t a huge fan of the system. “You get an immediate vibe about a person when you meet him,” said Rothchild. She added, “You can feel if he is he crazy or not. With online dating, you don’t get that.” Rothchild said she likes to meet people out playing poker. She met her current boyfriend at a poker game. Her dating advice to singles, “If you like surfing, go surf. Meet other people who like what you like. Go up to a guy and say hi! If he’s available he’ll say hi back, its that easy.”
Gottlieb says he has to do online dating as she never leaves the house. She learned that women often rule people out real quickly. She made the analogy of shopping online at Banana Republic where after you buy a blouse online, you are sent to a page to show you other blouses you can purchase. She referred to the online dating site Match.com in her comparison. On Match, you write an email to someone you carefully select and suddenly you receive a thank you with five other men you should consider after selecting your favorite guy.
What the group all agreed on is dating has changed. According to Behrendt, “As a society, we don’t date as a ritual anymore. There’s hook-ups and casual dates. Years ago we went on dates because we didn’t [have sex] so we ate, danced, and had big band music.”
After the panel, I had the opportunity to personally interview Lori Gottlieb about why she felt so misunderstood by some of her critics of her book. You can read the article: Marry Him: A Conversation With Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.
Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with iCougarDating
February 25, 2010
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday, February 27, 2010 as she welcomes cougar dating and relationship expert, Lucia to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Cougar dating is a hot topic. You will hear the top traits of a cougar and why this trend is growing in popularity.
Lucia, better known as “The Queen of the Jungle” is the spokesperson for the online dating site, iCougarDating.com. She also hosts the weekly radio show, The Art of Love.
She has appeared on over 100 national and international TV and radio shows including Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, E! Entertainment, The CBS Early Show and more.
Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2PM/EST, 12noon/CST, 11am/PST with your questions and to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
To Dump Or Not To Dump In An Email
February 24, 2010
With modern technology and our addiction to our Blackberries and iPhones, pushing the send button has become as common as brushing your teeth.
My friends at Your Tango wrote an article today in favor of the easy-way-out called Is It OK To Break Up Via Email? We Say Yes. Here’s my dating advice on the subject.
I’m a firm believer that you should think before sending an email to show your anger towards a loved-one, and more specifically, I don’t believe in dumping your significant other in an email or a text message.
Sure if you have only had a few dates, sending an email to say “I’m not the one for you. Good luck with your search” can be considered polite as compared to the guy who just doesn’t call you back.
In my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I describe the Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating. One of these rules is the “Break-Up Rule.” It’s number ten on my list. It’s relationship 101.
– Never break up with a significant other in an email. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person.
I was once the recipient of a very well thought out break up email. I was advised by the man that I was engaged to marry, that I was no longer a fiance. From where I sat, it was cowardly, cruel, and unilateral. I never spoke to him again. It was a relationship that started and ended in cyberspace.
I’m a believer that you treat someone the way that you want to be treated. Do you really want to go down in history as the person who dumped your LTR via email? Remember, emails are easily forwarded.
I’d be interested in all thoughts and comments.
