Cyber Love Links – Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love
We’re still in the merry month of May, which has been proclaimed Romance Month. So if you have a digital crush on someone or would like to reconnect with a former college flame, reach out and feel the love.
It’s that time of the week where we take a moment to share the articles on the web and Twitter as well as thank those who have featured Cyber-Dating Expert in their many articles.
First with the gratitude: Thank you to GenConnect and our friend Laurel House, Quickie Chick for the great video interview, How to Create You Love Life Resume. Sure we know you don’t want to look at online dating like a chore or a job, but here are some tips to ramp up your search. Also, a huge thank you to YourTango who collected a group of experts for a 7-Day Love Your Body series. We wish women wouldn’t feel so insecure about their appearance. Men do love the real you, so enjoy our advice in 16 Things You Hate About Your Body That Men Love. The Friends of Ricki community shared our FOX News video on their Facebook page for their relationship Tuesday topic, so stop by and say hello! Our article, To Text or Not to Text: Crazy Dating Texts That Went Viral was shared by everyone who prays they never become that girl or guy.
On Twitter, some of our favorite stories included Huffington Post Weddings: How to Stop Money Problems in Your Marriage Before They Start. Do men think you’ll go to bed with them on the first date if you wear red? I say no. YourTango Experts say yes. Let us know what you think. Our friend Jeannie Assimos at eHarmony Advice posted a great article, Online Dating Wisdom from Hall and Oates. On The Rules of Netiquette, we shared Texting While Walking Will Cost You a Ticket. Better sit on a park bench to let your date know you’re running late. Match just announced their events for singles as well as Beyond the Wink: Games to play online. Let us know what you think.
We’re getting ready to launch the Mobile Dating Bootcamp and next week you’ll meet our contestants!
Our favorite quote of the week came from Sir Paul McCartney: “And, in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
For more dating advice, Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and join our Weekly Flirt.
To Text, or Not to Text – Crazy Dating Texts That Went Viral
Dating and humor. It can be a winning combination for those looking for love online, and lethal for those who suffer from a texting anxiety complex.
First we saw the single girl with the cat video which spread across the Internet. We laughed, we shared it, and we really didn’t want to be that girl.
Then we found out about Ashton Kutcher’s online dating video, which was a spoof.
Most of us remember spreadsheet guy, who was totally embarrassed that his date and her friends leaked his private excel spreadsheet with comments about each date to the media.
But the saddest of them all are those who suffer from the crazy texting syndrome. Both men and women are not immune from this new epidemic.
A few stories have been spreading online with screen shots of text messages that will make you cringe. Yes, both men and women get obsessed with sending breakup texts or ones begging their dates to see them again.
Those desperate to love and be loved sometimes can’t always control their digital fingers. They call, they text, they email, they beg, become control freaks, breakup, and in the end they make complete fools of themselves for the rest of the world to see. Even if he or she might be interested in a second date or reconciliation, this behavior chases them away in a New York minute.
Gawker reported on the Fedora Lawyer guy in New York who went to the movies to see The Avengers with a movie date who needed to keep the upper digital hand. His date wasn’t that into him, but she behaved properly on the date, didn’t insult him and let him know she had a nice time, but he wasn’t for her. This is more typical than not, as most singles don’t get to a second date.
The Fedora was described as passive-aggressive. He decided to rate his date a 5.5 out of 10 and put her down saying it was her loss.
A few months ago, BuzzFeed shared the story of the girl who slept with the guy on a first date. She subsequently sent over 50 messages in 3 days, both begging him to see her and getting angry with him. All they had was one date. Now she has a permanent digital footprint on the Internet of a drama she probably wished she hadn’t been a participant on.
The point is that we all want to feel love and be loved so badly, that sometimes we act in desperate ways to connect which results in sabotaging any potential with your new crush. Sure we can make fun of these stories. When I wrote The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I wanted to share some humor about my own personal stories that I believed others could relate to. But there comes a time where you need to take the high road, hold your head up and have some dignity and just walk away when it’s over.
Dating is a numbers game. Instant chemistry is rare. When you find it, don’t take it for granted. Don’t play texting games or try to manipulate someone to like you or see you again if the feelings aren’t mutual. Let the relationship move at a healthy course and keep the communications open. If someone politely says they’re busy and can’t get together again, don’t let it become an interrogation or deposition. You don’t want to go down in history as being that crazy guy or girl that no one will want to go out with again.
At the end of the digital day, think before you text. Anything you send digitally can and will be shared. There’s always someone else who will find you to be an incredible addition to his or her life. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.
Don’t Become a Digital Dating Fool while Dating in a Web 2.0 World.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. Connect with Julie on Facebook and Twitter. Join in the conversation on the pages for The Rules of Netiquette and Cyber-Dating Expert and share your online dating stories.
Cyber Love Links – Mother’s Day Edition
It’s Mother’s Day weekend and May has also been proclaimed Romance Month, so there’s no shortage of fabulous stories about dating, love and romance on the web and on Twitter.
Let’s start with overwhelming amount of gratitude for all the media mentions this week. Monday started out with a terrific TV promo shoot for the upcoming Ricki Lake Show. I was honored to participate along with others in the Friends of Ricki community. Here’s a sneak peek of a hug from Ricki on location posted on Twitter.
On Tuesday, Dr. Drew Pinsky featured a segment on MissTravel.com and asked me to chime in with my thoughts on the subject. It was an honor to be featured as one of 30 influential women in the Speakerpalooza series on Wednesday. Enjoy the article, Dating Online? 5 Secrets to Finding Love Again. We’ve got free books to give away, so make sure to comment on the post. On Wednesday we also announced the first-ever Mobile Dating Bootcamp.
On Thursday, I was honored to be featured as one of America’s Ultimate Experts in Woman’s World magazine. The issue is now available at most grocery store check out stands. Check out page 26, I want more romance in my life! Lastly, I’d like to thank our friends at iVillage for the contribution to The Rules: Dos and Don’ts for Online Dating. Whew! There’s enough dating advice to last you through the summer romance season. None of this excitement could be possible if it wasn’t for the continuing support from you, our loyal readers and students.
What stories were hot this week? The Time magazine Mother’s Day cover story has gone viral. Yahoo! posted the story Jamie Lynne Grumet Defends Her Time Magazine Breastfeeding Cover from an interview on “Today Show.” On YourTango, We Love Dates posted the 4 Things You Should Never Say on a First Date and we couldn’t agree more. Be authentic, but stay positive and leave the drama at home. Clutch posted 3 Things We Wish Men Would Leave Off Their Online Dating Profiles and our friends at Match featured a timely article in Happen magazine, Dating a Mom on Mother’s Day with a reminder not to overwhelm her if you’re in a new relationship. It’s not Valentine’s Day.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
Cyber Love Links – Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love
As April is winding down, there’s no shortage of Spring Fever in the air. My inbox is filled with emails from happy online daters, so without further digital adieu, here are some of our favorite articles from the web and on Twitter this week.
First up, our moment of gratitude. Thank our pal Sofi at Yahoo! Shine who included us in her article, Controversial Miss Travel dating site proves there’s no such thing as a free trip. Thank you as well to FOX News in Charlotte for the wonderful interview on online dating safety. We’ll post a link next week.
Over at CNN, Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz shared some of their favorite online dating sites in Three Niche Dating Sites for Targeted Romance. Their list included SingleFitPeople.com, TasteBuds.com for music enthusiasts and Tawkify, based on Klout scores for social media powerhouses, which we featured last week. On Huffington Post, I featured a story called, Puppy Love: New Online Dating Sites for Dogs. Shouldn’t your puppy find love on the Internet? One out of ten pets do have a Facebook profile. Are you in that percentage?
On Singles Warehouse, our friend Laurel House (@QuickieChick) gave her opinion on who should pay for a first date. Laurel believes in chivalry with the gentleman picking up the tab. What do you think? At Tecca, they posted Geeky Tales: 10 techie marriage proposals that worked. Our favorite pick was Digg employee Matt Van Horn’s “Proposal 2.0 Marry Me Leslie.” Of course, she said yes!
Our friends at YourTango are in the middle of their Online Dating Bootcamp. Our three best online dating tips are scheduled to post on April 29th. Our favorite tip this week was from Janet Ong, 10 Dos and Dont’s Before Meeting Mr. Online In Person.
As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
For more online dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Julie Spira is the leading online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online
Is Creating an Excel Spreadsheet for Dating Creepy or Smart?
The financial guy whose online dating excel spreadsheet was spread all of the Internet was big news this week. Dealbreaker broke the story and he became the laughing stock in the dating world.
As an online dating expert, I’m here to defend him. I believe that online dating is a numbers game. In fact, when I coach singles on finding love online, I create a Microsoft excel spreadsheet for them to be organized, and I’ve been doing this for over 15 years. I’ve also written about the use of excel spreadsheets in my bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, which was released in 2009.
Sure, financial guy’s comments shouldn’t have been shared with his date. Even though she was number one on the list, remember anything that you send via email can be, and assume will be shared. Whether he likes his women hot or young is not the issue.
Looking for love online, if you’re truly serious about it can be compared to looking for a job. A well-organized job seeker will be more successful in finding his dream job. So will a well-organized dater.
So to those of you who have commented that this guy was creepy, I have to disagree. He appears to be a smart and busy businessman. Busy executive and CEOs don’t have a lot of free time to date, but they certainly spend a lot of time on their computers and mobile phones.
The only dating advice I can offer is to not should share your private information about your other dates with someone you’re dating. I’m sure financial guy learned his lesson well. Sometimes men and women are on a need-to-know basis. His date didn’t need to know about the other women he was pursuing.
Would you create a spreadsheet to organize your dates?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Online Dating Tips for Spring Fever
Whether your relationship recently ended, are newly divorced, or have taken a break from dating, we’re here to help you with your digital search. These lucky seven tips will speed the process so you won’t be wasting your time with Mr. or Ms. Wrong this spring.
1. Be open to all of the possibilities. With the change of seasons comes a new attitude, both online and offline. Outdoor cafes are filled with patrons again. Convertible tops are down, and it’s time to tune up your flirting techniques and jump back on the online dating saddle.
2. Dress it up. Appearance counts online and offline. After all, isn’t it your goal to turn that online romance into an offline relationship? Spend an afternoon spring-cleaning session in your very own closet. Recycle a dress or outfit in your closet and make it your first date outfit.
3. Sensual Scent. Try a fresh new perfume or cologne to wear on your first online date. Hopefully your date won’t be allergic and will find your new scent appealing enough to put a second date on the calendar.
4. Going Mobile! Why wait to go home to meet your dream date? Download a mobile dating app and respond to your date’s email while it’s still fresh in your inbox. Here’s the Mobile Dating Expert’s list with some of our favorites.
5. Turn on your webcam. Many online dating sites now offer webcam or video chat as part of their features. Go ahead and put on your lipstick and comb your hair. Remember to smile. It’s show time. By using video chat, your potential honey will know it’s the real you and not your younger sister. This will prevent that disappointing look one receives when the photos of their online dates don’t match up in real life.
6. Renew and Refresh. If you’ve let your online dating account expire, go ahead and renew your membership. Refresh your profile with new photos and a new catchy screen name. Need a little help? Check out IRRESISTIBLE profiles, and we’ll help you in your quest to find love online.
7. It’s a numbers game. We know that online dating can be a lot of work and is time consuming. So is finding your dream job and working out at the gym. Allocate an hour a day every day to your online dating site. Respond to, or write to at least 5 online profiles every day for one week and see what happens. Check out who’s viewed your profile or added you to their favorites or hot lists and send them an email. Initiate the conversation and you may find someone who will be so flattered to hear from you.
If you are lucky in love and meet the one online, let us know. We may feature you in the Cyber Love Story of the Week.
~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Online Dating Advice – How Many People Should I Talk to At Once?
Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert
We’ve all heard that online dating is a numbers game. 122 million worldwide to be exact according to ComScore’s research.
When we created Jerry’s irresistible profile, [winks, emails, and IMs, oh my!] his response was “OMG, this stuff is like crack!” While we want you to fall in love and give you many tools to do so, we certainly don’t want to create a universe of online dating addicts.
Having too many conversations at once or viewing too many profiles doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful with the process. As a matter of fact, it could actually backfire on you.
The first week your profile is active is always the busiest time. It then settles down to a more manageable pace. Those who winked at you or flirted with you without a profile are probably not paying members or are not serious about the process, so unless you like their profile, you can just ignore them. If you like the profile, don’t wink or flirt back. Be bold and send an email saying hello. You can even thank them for the wink to let them know you’ve noticed.
I recommended to Jerry that he shouldn’t communicate with more than 5 people at a time. Limiting the ongoing communication will give you the opportunity to get to know someone. If the online conversation goes well, then schedule a phone date. If you feel like you’re at the dentist’s office where someone is pulling teeth, don’t schedule a date.
I shared my thoughts in the ask the dating experts column on Sparkology on how to politely say you’re not interested.
More often-than-not, online messages are ignored. Don’t start humming to the Nick Lowe song, “You’ve Got to be Cruel to be Kind” if you decide to respond. Say thank you, but add that you don’t feel you have enough in common to pursue a relationship, or let them know if they’re out of your geographic location or age range.
Wishing you much joy and love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Like us at Facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert for more dating advice.
Cyber Love Links – Links to Love When You’re in the Mood for Love
We hope you’re enjoying your holiday weekend. It’s time to share our favorite stories shared on Twitter and on our site this week.
A timely post from our friends at YourTango answers the question that mystifies many as to when is the right time to introduce your new GF or BF to your family. Is it the Right Time to Bring Him Home for Easter or Passover? They were kind enough to include our recent video, What is Mobile Dating? at the end of the holiday post.
In her Love & Gratitude column, Rita Watson shared her inspiration on Psychology Today with Come to the Table of Love: An Easter and Passover Tradition.
Our friends at Zoosk announced their new Couples Profiles where you can continue sharing your love milestones on a combined profile. Our favorite Infographic this week comes from FreeDating.co.uk on Dating in a Virtual World. Find out if gentlemen prefer blondes and who falls in love at first sight the most.
Still nervous about online dating? Apparently Sinead O’Connor is looking for love online. Her profile is on Plenty of Fish and we wrote about celebrities who have joined online dating sites. Chemistry.com released their latest Top 10 Cities Survey that was a hot tweet with results that will increase or decrease your passion, depending on where you live.
Over at Glamour.com, we fell in digital love with this story, 10 Stellar Responses to Use the Next Time Some Rude Person Asks, “Why Are You Still Single?
Our favorite Quote of the Day came from BFFTips.com, ”If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t, nothing will make him stay.”
If you missed our Weekly Flirt, you can sign up here.
Wishing you much love and joy in Cyberspace, or wherever you man roam.
~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team
Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Zoosk Encourages Couples to Share Their Romantic Journey
From the first kiss to will you marry me and beyond, our friends at Zoosk are encouraging their success couples to share their romantic milestones and hang around once their relationship has become official.
Redefining themselves as “the romantic network,” they’ve announced a new feature called “Couples Profiles,” where happy couples can create a joint profile to highlight their romantic journey.
Zoosk co-founder Shayan Zadeh and a friend of Cyber-Dating Expert tells us, “Zoosk started by helping singles find a partner to begin their romantic journey. Yet when we helped two people find each other and develop a relationship they left Zoosk and there was no dedicated place online for them to share their romantic journey. Our new Couple Profiles offering provides couples with a place to share their romantic milestones and memories online in a joint profile that can be shared with friends. As we continue to develop Couple Profiles, we have plans to add many more features.”
This makes a lot of sense as Facebook’s timeline also features these important relationship milestones, however not on a single profile.
Watch their video to see the features of “Couples Profiles” and feel free to chime in with your thoughts.
Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert, bestselling author, and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating and relationship advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for our Weekly Flirt Dating advice newsletter. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Dating Advice: To Friend, or Not to Friend Your Date
It was an honor to be called on by my friends at GalTime to chime in on the dos and don’ts for “Dating in a Facebook World.”
One of the questions I hear most often from singles is, “Should I send a Facebook friends request before our first date?” Sure, I know you’re excited about meeting him, but stop daydreaming about changing your relationship status. You might have taken a digital peek to see how many friends you have in common on Facebook, but once someone accepts or rejects your request, it goes on the same place on the totem pole as having the “talk” to be friends, or “more than friends” with someone. It just becomes uncomfortable and it’s hard to get back on the same digital page.
Suddenly your new beau might be worried that you’ll be spying on his wall. Or even worse, he may project that you’ll turn into a cyber stalker and question him about his female cousin’s arm around him from 6 months ago. The thought of his first date with you suddenly becomes uncomfortable, and he may just cancel with an excuse that it’s his turn to watch the kids, or there’s a work project he has to tend to.
If this sounds familiar, I urge you to take a big digital breath and log off of your Facebook account until your first or even second date is over. Facebook dating can be complicated. Balancing the traditional courtship with information-at-your-fingertips can be tricky. My advice to you, keep the information from that Google search results to yourself and just be the authentic you. You’ll have plenty of time to post things on your Timeline if the relationship goes in the right direction.
Here’s an excerpt on what I shared on GalTime:
No “Friending” on the First Date
It may be terribly tempting to friend request the guy you met at the bar last night—especially if his Facebook page is locked up tight. After all, how else can you spy on those old photos of him and his ex that he hasn’t gotten around to taking down yet?
But Spira says: think before you friend. Chances are, you’re not on the same digital page yet. And a virtual friendship could ruin your chances of a real life relationship. “It’s just too soon and you aren’t in a relationship, nor are you even really dating just yet,” she says. “One of you may be dating several people at a time, while the other may be single-focused. If you become Facebook friends prematurely, your relationship may end quickly as well.”
Or it may never get off the ground at all.
“I’ve known women who have cancelled dates after receiving a Facebook friends request,” she says.
Kiss and Don’t Tell
Want to know every last nauseating detail of your second cousin’s first date? How about your boss’s cutesy pet name for his third wife? Not so much, right? Well, most likely your friends aren’t interested in the nitty gritty of your love life either! So keep it offline.
“Saying I love you on Valentine’s Day is appropriate on your sweetheart’s wall if you’re friends on Facebook,” says Spira. “Saying I love you every day and talking about details of your first kiss on Facebook breaks the rules of netiquette. Your friends and you beau don’t always want you to “Kiss and Tell.’”
That goes for your relationship status as well.
“While your Facebook friends will be happy for your new found love, they really don’t want to watch your status change from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘It’s Complicated’ and back to ‘Single’ again,” says Spira.
What Happens on Facebook…
The date was fun, you had a few drinks, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But before you post that funny status update or compromising photo—think twice. Remember what goes online stays there… forever.
“You can’t take it back,” Spira says. “Often these updates are indexed by the search engine. Even if you remove a photo or update from your Timeline on Facebook, it may have already been shared by friends and friends-of-friends.”
Click here for the full article on GalTime with my 12 Dos and Don’ts of Dating in a Facebook World.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, join our Weekly Flirt newsletter and visit us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
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