How to Know if You’re in Flirtationship Mode
It can happen at any age, but when my friends at HerCampus reached out to me to talk about the flirtation phenomena that was happening on the college campuses everywhere, I wasn’t surprised. Dating and relating in a web 2.0 world is quite simply complicated these days.
We flirt in text messages, on twitter, in emails, and in-real-life.
If you regularly find yourself flirting with a guy friend but for one reason or another, you don’t become an official couple, guess what? Your relationship status can be defined as “In a Flirationship.”
So what is a flirtationship and how do you know if your relationship status is in that in-between phase that won’t move to the next level? A flirtationship is that fun and flirty in-between place of being just friends and without claiming that you’re in a relationship. More often than not, it doesn’t become a romantic relationship. It’s a friendship filled with flirting and sometimes benefits.
When your friends ask you if you and that guy who keeps escorting you to parties are dating, it’s time to take a romantic pause and ask yourself, “How do I feel about my guy pal? Can we become more than just-friends?” If you go to sleep at night with thoughts of him on your mind, it’s time to realize that you’re more than just friends.
For a list of rules on how to behave in a Flirtation relationship, read the full article on Her Campus.
Are you in a Flirtationship? We’d love to hear your story.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Cyber Love Links
Links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.
We’ve gone green for St. Patrick’s Day and are feeling slightly crazy with March Madness going on. We couldn’t let the week end without thanking those who have featured us, quoted us, and share the articles we loved and tweeted this week.
A huge thank you to Jen Kirsch for featuring our advice on Canadian Living in 6 Online Dating Tips and Jenna Birch who asked for my two cents worth on YourTango in March Madness Time: 5 Reasons to Date a Girl Who Loves Sports. Very thrilled to appear on StyleList with the Rules of Netiquette for Texting and had a blast on Planet Love Match Radio with Jen and Josh.
Our friends at The Frisky posted the Official Frisky Girl Code of Conduct worth sharing. My friend Rita Watson wrote a beautiful post on Psychology Today, 13 Romantic Ideas for Lovers. Match shared the Cities Luckiest in Love in 2011 and on Woman’s Day, you can read, 10 Things Your Husband’s Friends Won’t Tell You.
Don’t forget, our friends at eHarmony are having their Free Communication Weekend, so you just might have a St. Patrick’s date after all. We’ve officially changed our Facebook page to the new Timeline, so check out our new cover and Like us!
Connect with us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for free dating advice.
Match Singles Study Says: Romance is Up; Marriage is Down
Our friends at Match.com released their second annual Singles in America Study, showing that more men are in favor of committed relationships and public displays of affection than their female counterparts. This is good news as it breaks the stereotype and fear from women who are afraid to bring up the subject of commitment and monogamy while dating.
But how far do both single men and women want to go? The study encompassed over 5000 singles with the help of Dr. Helen Fisher, Chemistry.com’s chief scientific officer and biological anthropologist, and took a deep look into politics, weight, height, and which political party is having more fun in the bedroom. (Hint: It starts with the letter R)
The majority of the singles in the study said they wanted to be in a committed relationship, and believed that infidelity was a deal-breaker. Yes, even the guys are ready to go steady. However marriage wasn’t a priority. USA Today reports that two-thirds of the singles polled either don’t want to get married, or are unsure about it.
At the end of the digital day, changing your status to “In a Relationship” on Facebook is getting closer-and-closer to how we used to define marriage.
Are you looking for a relationship leading to marriage or would you prefer being in a committed relationship or just living together?
Your thoughts and comments are welcome.
Interested in finding love online? Sign up for Match.com for 20% off your membership or Chemistry.com, where they are offering 14 days free.
Need some help with your online dating profile? Check out our irresistible profiles packages and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for special offers.
Digital Dating – Tips for Long-Distance Love
Thinking about expanding your zip code or dusting off your passport while looking for love online? I can tell you from first-hand experience that you need to cast a wide net and brush up on your technology skills. Mobile phone use and high speed Internet makes it so much easier than in the pre-Internet days where you spent a fortune in long-distance bills and time buying Hallmark cards. Now, a cute e-card, Skype, twitter, and facebook along with your smartphone should keep you digitally connected and happily-in-love.
In a recent interview in the Times-Union, A Modern Twist on Long-Distance Love, I talked about the use of Skype and texting to keep you connected to your loved ones.
Julie Spira, author of “The Perils of Cyber Dating,” says many people look at technology to enhance relationships. Whether you use Skype, iChat or text, technology makes it virtually impossible to be disconnected from the world.
Spira said people must still invest in the relationship, and that relationships held together over distance are big commitments.
Spira advises women to even put on that cute dress and lipstick, the same as they would do face to face.
But Spira cautions that relationships starting out as long distance have a longer honeymoon stage. “Sometimes long-distance relationships give the false illusion you are in a long-distance relationship, but it is a vacation relationship,” Spira said. “Time is so concentrated you only know vacation mode; it is a romantic fantasy.”
Spira said in vacation relationships, you often only see each other for a short period of time, so you usually stay at nice hotels, eat at expensive restaurants and leave the real world behind.
“You don’t talk about issues real couples face, like talking about paying bills and mold in the house,” Spira said. “Vacation couples often have trouble making the transition into real relationships when they move to the same city or household.”
If you feel you’re in a vacation relationship, Spira said to incorporate regular life into the relationship, find boundaries and how to manage them.
“Try and focus on reality and not just romance.”
Are you involved in a long-distance relationship? Are you using video chat on facebook or skype as part of your digital dating regime? Your comments are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me for dating advice on Twitter @JulieSpira, on facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and on Google+ gplus.to/juliespira
Americans are More Excited than Brits about the Royal Wedding
Admit it. You have Royal wedding fever, or perhaps a little regal envy about this week’s marriage between Prince William and Kate Middleton. After all, we haven’t had a Royal wedding in decades, let alone in this century.
In preparation for Friday’s celebration, I’ve added a tiara for the occasion and will be celebrating on Thursday evening at the BritWeek Gala, which includes a performance by Grammy-winning performer Seal. After dinner, I’ll come home and will join the millions of wedding enthusiasts on Twitter and Facebook for the very early morning broadcast (3am pacific time/6am eastern time). I’m just too excited to TIVO the festivities. At home, I’ll be nibbling on scones, sipping tea and sharing my thoughts with the Twitterverse @JulieSpira, so I hope you’ll join in on the conversation.
Am I excited? Of course I am. As a hopeful romantic I believe that watching a real-life fairy-tale-come-true takes us away from our day-to-day activities and brings love and joy into our lives.
Meanwhile, our friends at social dating community Zoosk took the time to survey 1000 singles to see how they felt about the Royal wedding. Their findings showed that more American singles (40%) will watch the ceremony on TV than their British counterparts (31%).
So where does that leave the remaining 60%?
According to Zoosk, a whopping 39% of their singles said they’d rather have root canal than watch the Royal wedding. Sitting in a dentist chair? That’s a strong feeling against the Royal wedding frenzy.
Does watching the Royal wedding make you wonder if you will be the next bride? More than half of the female Zooskers surveyed said yes, where less the majority of the men said it had no effect on their future marriage plans.
To wear, or not to wear a wedding ring. 75% of the women wish Prince William will wear a wedding ring. Even half of the men agreed on this point. Of the 1000 people surveyed, 66% wouldn’t want Prince Charles and Camilla as their in-laws.
Will you be watching the marriage ceremony on April 29th or sleeping in wishing it would finally be over? If you’ll be staying awake, perhaps you can multi-task and log onto your favorite online dating site to make the most of your time.
Do You Think a Woman Should Propose Marriage? [VIDEO]
Feeling like your long-term relationship is ready for the next step? Watch this video with Julie Spira and Charles J. Orlando with their thoughts on who should propose marriage, the woman or the man.
We know that men don’t like ultimatums, but how do they feel about the marriage proposal? Feel free to chime in with your thoughts and comments.
Dating Advice: When to Change Your Facebook Relationship Status
Thinking of changing your Facebook status to “In a Relationship?” Before you go pushing the update button, watch YourTango’s He Said, She Said video series, where I’m talking with Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women is Men about this hot topic.
Reading Room – eHarmony Guide to Dating the Second Time Around
It’s with great pleasure to add the eHarmony Guide to Dating the Second Time Around
The book, edited by Dr. Gian Gonzaga, Ph.D, director of research and development at eHarmony Labs gives proven methods to finding a love that lasts. Many people are finding themselves single after a long term relationship or marriage. Whether through divorce, death, or a painful breakup, this book will give you some exercises and tools as you jump back into the dating scene. Like the online dating site eHarmony, the book is focused on serious minded singles who want a long term committed relationship or marriage.
For those of you starting over again, it’s a terrific guidebook to evaluate what you want in your relationship at this stage of your life. You’ll reflect on past relationships on what worked, what you didn’t like, and will take inventory of your personal life.
In addition, I’m delighted that Dr. Gonzaga will be my featured guest on the Valentine’s edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, scheduled for Saturday, February 13, 2011 at 11am/PST. He’ll be talking about the book in more detail, so I hope you do listen in.
It’s Complicated – Film Review
It's Complicated - Photo: Universal Pictures
Why does it always have to be so complicated? In the case of the film written and directed by Nancy Meyers scheduled to open on Christmas day, it was almost predictable.
Meet Jane (played by Meryl Streep) and Jake (played by Alec Baldwin). They’re the typical middle aged couple from Santa Barbara who got divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Jake married a much younger girl that he had been fooling around with and Jane moved on, or did she?
While at the graduation ceremony of their son in New York, the chemistry they once had reappeared. Suddenly they are having an affair and can’t keep their hands off each other.
Meryl Streep once again plays a perfect role in It’s Complicated. You see her spending a lot of time in the kitchen like she did in Julie and Julia. The writers make a point of mentioning the online dating site Match.com and the film title comes from a relationship status on Facebook. Social media and social dating are now just part of the daily conversations.
Having an appealing film which includes an adulterous affair during the time that Tiger Woods is making the headlines will make singles and couples wonder, are we giving permission for you to stray from your marriage? Is recycling the ex now going to be acceptable? Is the grass always greener? Was it just the oxytocin or did Jake really want a reconciliation with his wife?
As usual, I enjoy romantic comedies and this one is worth seeing during the Christmas holidays. My favorite scene: Meryl Streep in the kitchen of her gourmet restaurant making chocolate croissants after hours on her date with Steve Martin. My rating: 4/5.
Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com
Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places?
By Heather Juma
Ladies! Are you looking for “Mr. Right” in all the wrong places? Are you spending your weekends hanging out in the typical bar scene? Hmmm… let’s see is that really the place to meet “Mr. Right”?
I have a better idea for you! Make a list of your hobbies and passions. What do you do in your free time? Love Tennis? You might meet your perfect “match” at the local tennis club. Love wine? Go to wine tastings and join gourmet foodie groups. You get the hint!
Think of all the fun you’ll have meeting lots of other people and making new interesting friends while enjoying your hobbies and passions, that will take your mind off “looking for Mr. Right” and then he’ll probably show up (funny how that works)!
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