Dating Advice: Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

1. The Google Rule – Googling your date. We all do it. It’s just too easy to find out the juicy details of the person you have on your date card. If you do decide to do a search, please don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” on your first date.  Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

2. The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. I urge singles to be honest about their age and weight in their profiles. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-pounds off your actual weight or 5-years from your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone, in your profile, or on your first date– especially if you want to make it to a second date.

3. The Food and Beverage Rule – A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. Another date made a point of asking what my favorite cuisine was so he could select the perfect restaurant for dinner. He refused to order food after we sat down at the table. Neither of them made it to a second date.

4. The Valet Parking Rule – It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically much less than the cost of the next cosmopolitan. You’ll get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and
may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.

5. The Ex Rule - Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy they are that their payments are about to end, change the subject, or run. He’s just not over her or him.

6. The Body Parts Rule – Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.

7. The To Go Bag Rule – Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more importantly, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well. The man who asked for the remains of his pizza crust to go along with the scraps of my salad didn’t make a good impression.

8. The Send Button Rule - When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself instead. You can’t take it back. Your date’s revenge could be in forwarding your email all over the Internet. If it gets indexed by Google, you’ll have a hard time finding another date.

9. The Marriage Proposal Rule – Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call! Falling in love from your keyboard or iPhone isn’t really love. It’s a false fantasy that you are in a relationship.

10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages these days. But is it right?

Excerpts from the bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira
©2008 Julie Spira – Cyber Dating Expert, LLC All Rights Reserved
CyberDatingExpert.com

To Dump Or Not To Dump In An Email

With modern technology and our addiction to our Blackberries and iPhones, pushing the send button has become as common as brushing your teeth.

My friends at Your Tango wrote an article today in favor of the easy-way-out called Is It OK To Break Up Via Email? We Say Yes. Here’s my dating advice on the subject.

I’m a firm believer that you should think before sending an email to show your anger towards a loved-one, and more specifically, I don’t believe in dumping your significant other in an email or a text message.

Sure if you have only had a few dates, sending an email to say “I’m not the one for you. Good luck with your search” can be considered polite as compared to the guy who just doesn’t call you back.

In my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I describe the Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating. One of these rules is the “Break-Up Rule.” It’s number ten on my list. It’s relationship 101.

– Never break up with a significant other in an email. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person.

I was once the recipient of a very well thought out break up email.  I was advised by the man that I was engaged to marry, that I was no longer a fiance. From where I sat, it was cowardly, cruel, and unilateral.  I never spoke to him again. It was a relationship that started and ended in cyberspace.

I’m a believer that you treat someone the way that you want to be treated. Do you really want to go down in history as the person who dumped your LTR via email? Remember, emails are easily forwarded.

I’d be interested in all thoughts and comments.

The Valentine’s Day Cut Off Rule

It’s now 5 days before Valentine’s Day. The Super Bowl memories are starting to fade. Have you asked your date to be your Valentine yet? If not, are you aware that there is a “cut-off” rule for when to solidify who you will be spending February 14th with?

If you have watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, you might recall that Larry discussed the cut-off rule in an episode. They determined 9:30-10:00pm for the cut-off time to phone a friend. It became a heated discussion. The same theory applies to Valentine’s Day.

In my online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, one of my rules of netiquette was the cut-off rule. This rule applied to the most common misrepresentation in an online dating profile – the accuracy of your age . Although I believe in authenticity, I had decided that 5-10 years was the maximum amount of years that you could take off your age in your profile. I added that you need to be honest in the body of your email, on the phone, or certainly the latest by the first-date. I don’t promote lying on your profile, I just know that many singles want to fit into a search.

So, getting back to Valentine’s Day. When is it too late to ask the woman you are dating out for Sunday night?  Here’s my relationship advice. I took a poll during the Super Bowl and most men felt they could wait until the last day, if there was chemistry with someone they had just met. I disagreed. I told them, one week maximum, and that once the Super Bowl was over, it was time to put the date in ink on the calendar and get whatever remaining reservations were available at such a late date.

Think about it. Most restaurants book up a month in advance of Valentine’s Day. There will be slim pickings. You can always bring food home and set the table with fine china and candles, but it won’t be the same. If you are waiting until the last minute, don’t be surprised to find your date has made other plans. A smart, confident woman doesn’t wait around for the phone to ring. She’d rather be alone than be an afterthought.  If you have made Valentine’s plans and have a change of heart, don’t go down in history as the guy or girl who cancels on her Valentine’s date the week of because something better came along. It will come back to haunt you. If you are gearing up for this romantic day, logging into your online dating profile on a regular basis during the days leading to Valentine’s may get you in the “dog house.” It certainly won’t get you into the bedroom.

With or without a date, my advice is to try and enjoy Valentine’s Day and be open to the possibilities of love. It may arrive on time, or it may be late. If you are really interested in pursuing someone romantically, don’t forget Valentine’s Day. If so, be prepared that your calls won’t be returned.

Julie Spira is known world wide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Book Review – SHE KNOWS

Book Review: The Perils of Cyber-Dating

SHEKNOWS Love Sexy Single Column

by Margeaux Baulch Klein

Author Julie Spira encounters every breed of man in her new tell-all memoir, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Online since 1994, Spira is a self-proclaimed internet dating pioneer, having gone on over 250 blind dates, receiving several marriage proposals and then marrying (and later divorcing) someone she met online. Spira has turned her dating horror stories and romantic journeys – both the good, bad, and, quite literally, ugly – into a witty memoir that every woman whose ever dipped her toe into the online dating pool will appreciate.

For starters, Spira compares a woman’s online dating profile to a real estate listing:

“In real estate, the first week that your house in on the market is important because if it’s priced correctly, professionally staged, and marketed well, it generates a lot of leads. Hopefully a qualified buyer will show.”

She also offers a “Top Ten Rules of Cyber Dating Netiquette” in Chapter 9 that is one of the best parts of the book. Here are a few tips she endorses:

ONLINE DATING TIP #1:

Don’t knock-off more than 5-10 pounds off of your weight or 5-10 years off of your age on your dating profile. ”It’s always best to be authentic and tell the truth,” she says, “but anything more than that is just too noticeable. You will find yourself meeting someone who won’t be so happy to see you.” In her list of common profile definitions, she also notes that if a man lists his age as 40-something, it means that he’s a 50-something who wants a 30-year-old female.

ONLINE DATING TIP #2:

Don’t Google a potential date before having the opportunity to see if there is a connection. Partly due to her own embarrassment over a New York Times wedding announcement that she wishes didn’t come up when people searched for her, Spira believes that it’s too easy to misconstrue or jump to an incorrect conclusion about a piece of informationwithout knowing its context.

ONLINE DATING TIP #3:

“A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on the first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage.” Spira hates cheap men.

ONLINE DATING TIP #4:

Don’t discuss ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, or anything to do with body parts, extramarital affairs, and long lost loves on a first date. Spira declares that information should be rationed over the course of getting to know someone.

ONLINE DATING TIP #5:

Don’t cyber-fight. Although it’s tempting to hit ’send’ and launch an angry missive into cyberspace, Spira recommends sleeping on any upset or hurt feelings. “When in doubt, pick up the phone to get that real connection,” she says.

Even after two failed marriages and four engagements, Spira believes in remaining a “hopeful romantic.” She is still in search of her happily ever after.

For more info on The Perils of Cyber-Dating, visit CyberDatingExpert.com

Click here for full review

The Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Daters

After reading the post from Anthony Michael Rojas called “How to Treat a Woman on a Date,” the outpouring of comments from many who disagreed, which resulted in a follow up article appearing on CNN.com written by The Frisky’s Amelia McDonnell-Parry, “Chivalry tips cause all kinds of outrage,” I decided it was time to republish my “Top 10 Rules of Netiquette” for Online Daters and see what reaction I would receive.

Call me old-fashioned, but if a man did all of the 8 things listed in his article, he’d be my hero and would be a suitable date for my daughter, if I had one.

From a woman’s standpoint here my online dating tips and excerpts from my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

1.    The Google Rule – Don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” before a first date. Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself. No one wants to be accused of being a stalker early on.

2.    The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-10 pounds off your actual weight or 5-10 year of of your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone or on your first date, especially if you want to make it to a second date.

3.    The Food and Beverage Rule - A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. He never made it to a second date.

4.    The Valet Parking Rule - It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically less than the cost of the next drink and you will get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.

5.    The Ex Rule - Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy he is that his payments are about to end, change the subject, or run!

6.    The Body Parts Rule - Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.

7.    The To Go Bag Rule - Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more important, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well.

8.    The Send Button Rule - When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself. You can’t take it back.

9.    The Marriage Proposal Rule - Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call!

10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person.

I’m not insisting that men follow all of these ten rules. They are just suggestions that will make a difference to a woman that you are interested in dating again.

Excerpts from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira. Visit her at http://CyberDatingExpert.com.

Book Review – Ask Matt and Tamsen

Looking for Love Online? The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, is just the book you need to take from the city to the beach this summer!

Julie Spira dishes it all as a hopeful romantic looking for love online. From her fabulous Rules of “Netiquette” that map out what men and women say vs. what they actually mean, to one hilarious story after another, she has mastered it all in a few clicks of her keyboard. This tell-all memoir spans over 250 dates in almost 15 years online. It’s a must read!

~ Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, America’s Love Experts

Brad Pitt Giving Online Dating Tips?

The subject of authenticity in an online dating profile is a HOT Topic! 

Just this week, I appeared on FOX-News on this subject, where I told singles to be authentic in their online dating profiles. When I returned home from San Diego, I found out that Brad Pitt, who is on the August issue of WIRED Magazine, gave his two-cents and suggested that singles who are online dating should lie about how much money they make on their profile. 

In my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I list the top ten rules of netiquette for online daters.  One of these rules is the  ”cut-off” rule. I created the rule when I saw a male profile of a 53 year old who was claiming to be 40. Thirteen years? Men complain about women lying about their age, but I was stunned to see it in the other direction as well.

I decided there should be a cut-off rule, only because we can’t force singles to be honest online. It’s my belief that you should post your accurate age. However, since many will not, I simply suggested that singles should not take off more than 5-10 years off their age or weight in an online dating profile, if they insist on following the trend.

While I don’t promote lying about your age, I can’t stop the fact that it is so common. I add in my book that you should come clean on the first date or on the phone about your real age. I personally believe in telling the truth, but stretching the truth about your age, weight, and financial status online is the norm for many online daters – hence the “cut-off rule” has merit.

According to the Wired Article, Pitt states, “Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don’t, they’ll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.” He has a point as singles reaching a pivotal birthday, usually take at least 2-5 years off their age to remain in a search. 

Is it time to come clean and be authentic in your online dating profile?  I think so, and this week’s radio show will feature a service called HonestyOnline. This service can help you to determine if your potential date is who he or she says they really are. They recently partnered up with DatingHeadshots.com where your verification badge will also confirm that they were the ones who indeed did take your online dating photo. I personally believe that the trend for authenticity is on the rise with the success of social networking sites. Very slowly, singles are starting to come clean about their real age, and it’s refreshing to see.

Wouldn’t you like to know that your online date has passed a verification test? There are certificates of authenticity for diamonds, real estate, art work, but what is more important than your personal safety online?

I answered the five questions correctly, even though I had to guess where an ex-husband resided. Shortly afterwards I received the verification badge below which can be visible on my Facebook Profile.

As a woman, I can see the value in knowing that a man is who he says he is. If you are interested in trying it out, go to www.HonestyOnline.Com or check out their Facebook application.

Julie Spira is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at www.CyberDatingExpert.com.

Love Life Makeovers with Gina Hendrix

Are you interested in hearing more about Cyber Dating?  Listen to Cyber-Dating Expert, Julie Spira, who was a recent guest on Gina Hendrix’s fun and flirty radio show, Love Life Makeovers.  Gina, a professional matchmaker and owner of Selective and Single asked Julie some very personal questions about her love life, her viewpoint on Internet dating, and her personal rules of netiquette from her upcoming book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating:Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.   Listen to the podcast now and hear some online dating tips from an expert.

Don’t forget to sign up for your free newsletter and free copy of the Top Ten Rules of Netqiuette at cyberdatingexpert.com.

The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette

Did you ever go on a Cyber-Date to find yourself in some of the most embarrassing moments of your life? Are you struggling to find a quality date online? Are you looking for the man of your dreams to find you?  Do you want a great relationship with a real man?

As a Cyber-Dating Expert and one who has been on over 250 Internet dates including a few marriage proposals, I can share stories with you that will have you laughing for hours. But what do you do in these embarrassing moments?

The first thing to do is to know the red flags upfront and politely exit stage right or stage left, whatever you prefer. I send the inappropriate dates on a one-way ticket to Internet Heaven, a place reserved as a trash icon on my desktop.

For myself, I have collected stories for years, and have come up with the Top Ten Rules of Netiquette which will be featured in my upcoming book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating – Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

You can attract and keep the Man of Your Dreams NOW by signing up for The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette at http:/cyberdatingexpert.com.