On Take Part Live on PointTV, we tackled the subject of digital dating and how texting and social media have affected our love lives.
It was a honor and joy to be a featured guest on the program with hosts Jacob Soboroff and Cara Santa Maria.
I was joined with Comedienne and Glamour blogger Phoebe Robinson, who appeared earlier on Raising McCain with Meghan McCain, and Jessica Sorbino.
One of the main questions that came up is should you change your Facebook relationship status? The opinions from the panel differed. Phoebe met her boyfriend on Facebook and checked out his profile before agreeing to going on a date. I said that everyone who is single should list their relationship status as Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, and Jessica believes you shouldn’t list a relationship status at all, so forget about “It’s Complicated.”
How long should you wait to respond to his or her text message? Are we becoming Internet dating addicts? Watch the show segment for details.
You can read more in this article on Digital Technology and Romantic Relationships.
At Cyber-Dating Expert, we like to report on the latest trends in online dating and mobile dating apps. Is the digital world getting more complicated or becoming easier with reliance on text messages?
Our friends at JDate and ChristianMingle just released their study on the impact of mobile phones and relationships based on a survey of 1500 singles aged 21-50, which we’d like to share with you. I read the in-depth study, The Dating Game: Mobile Technology Redefines the Rules for Singles and realized one thing for sure; the cell phone has replaced a fancy purse as the accessory of choice, that is, unless there’s room for your mobile phone in your purse.
While we know the increase in cell phone usage has resulted in a dramatic increase in sending text messages to schedule a date or to stay in touch in between dates, the alarming data of who sleep with their phone in bed with them is startling. According to the survey, 50% of singles think they might be addicted to their cell phones, with 25% of singles 21-26 reporting that they actually sleep with their cell phones in bed with them. For those who don’t feel the need to cuddle with your mobile phone, we found out that many of you are just an arm’s length away from your phone, which is prominently placed on the table next to your bed or on the floor close by.
Data Before Hygiene
When it’s time to wake up in the morning, what do singles do first? Ahead of brushing their teeth, they reach for their mobile phones. According to the survey a whopping 56% of singles aged 21-26 check their mobile devices for e-mails, text messages, or voicemail (44% overall) as compared to 19% of singles who diligently brush their teeth first before grabbing onto their favorite mobile device.
When it’s time to schedule your online date, the survey found that texting is the most popular for those aged 21-26 with 50% saying they’ll text several times a day before their first date. In addition, approximately 1/3 of both men and women believe it’s less intimidating to ask someone out on a date instead of picking up the phone to call. Singles are using texting for digital foreplay and flirting leading up to a date and making reservations for restaurants.
Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to hear the sound of someone’s voice on the end of the phone, even if details of scheduling are done via text. Apparently I’m not alone as the study reported that 68% of singles prefer scheduling a date on the phone as compared to 20% who prefer texting.
Cell Phone and Dating Etiquette
Now that we know the cell phone isn’t going to be locked in a trunk while on a date, who can’t resist keeping it on the table or sneaking a peek? 98% of singles say they put the phone away on a date, but does that mean they’re still not attached? Not really. Somehow 67% of those surveyed found a way to check their phones, either at the table or in a bathroom break.
To the benefit of making us feel good after a date, 78% say they’ll send a text or communication within 24 hours if the date went well. Immediate gratification does have its place.
Til Text Do Us Part
When it’s time to part ways, how should you end your relationship? Of course I believe you should have the conversation in person if geographics allow, but at least by telephone so it’s a two way dialog. According to those surveyed, more than 50% said they would consider ending the relationship in a text message if they were casually dating and 24% would break up in a text message, even if it was a serious relationship. Where are your manners?
At the end of the digital day, I believe in treating someone the way that you want to be treated. Don’t let your mobile phone end up higher on the totem pole than your date when you’re sitting at the table, or you might be the recipient of a breakup text, no remorse included.
Are you using your mobile phones to schedule dates? Would you check your messages while on a date?
Photo Credit © naka – Fotolia.com
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and writes about the marriage of love and technology. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and coaches singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.
Digital love – Should texting be a part of your dating life?
According to a Rice University study, both men and women are sending text messages to their S.O.’s.
In a recent article on Prevention.com, I shared tips and texting advice to help spice up your love life, along with a few precautions to make sure you don’t end up in the digital doghouse.
1. DON’T overdo it. Sending a simple happy face to your loved one can be a fun and flirty way to brighten up their day, but the overuse of emoticons reduces the effectiveness. In other words, if every message you send is punctuated with a smile or a wink, your partner will find it harder to figure out what you’re really feeling. (And off-topic but related: The overuse of exclamation marks, especially by men, is a turn-off.)
2. DO embrace the quick hello. I’m a big fan of sending a good morning text to your sweetheart. It never hurts to add ‘xoxo’ at the end to put a smile on his face.
3. DON’T send explicit photos. Even if you haven’t been a teenager for decades, sending naked photos via texting can still come back to haunt you. This is the biggest mistake women make. I can’t stress enough that anything you send digitally can and will be shared by others.
4. DO use it for quick updates. Texting is tailor-made for confirming plans or giving a status update to someone who’s waiting on you. If you’re running late for a date or appointment, you should always send a text to let the other party know.
5. DON’T text angry—ever. The problem with relying on text messages is you can’t hear the sound of someone’s voice. A text message sent in jest may be received as hurtful, and cause a fight. If you find a text exchange veering into argument territory, that’s the time to switch over to a phone call or talking in person. Do sleep on it. Just because you can send a text doesn’t mean you should—especially if it concerns your relationship. If you have to get something off your chest, send it to yourself (and only to yourself!) in an email and sleep on it. You might feel differently about it in the morning.
Read full article at PreventionMagazine.com
Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.
Photo Credit: LiveStock – Fotolia.com
This scene may sound familiar. You meet a guy and have an instant connection. You start flirting back and forth and the next thing you know, you’re wondering, Are we in a relationship? Are the feelings mutual?
When Deb wrote to me with this familiar scenario after sending multiple flirty text messages to each the new man she had a crush on, she was concerned that things were moving too quickly. Was she becoming too attached?
Deb now wonders if her new guy is a player as he was also flirting with other women. She became anxious about the situation. Now her dream guy is sending her emails and text messages saying that he loves her. Even more confused, she called him out on his flirtatious behavior, of which he replied, “I get it.” Should she move forward with this guy? What should she do?
Well Deb, some people are born flirts. Instant chemistry is rare and when we find it, we automatically fast-forward our feelings and start thinking about our relationship, our future, marriage, children, the works. But slow down Deb. Why is this guy who’s texting you with love notes flirting with others in the same sentence as he uses the “L” word so freely. Just how many other women does he say that to? Is he waiting to hear it back to feed his ego or is he sincere?
A man who is committed to being in a relationship with you isn’t going to screw it up by making you jealous and putting himself in the position of being discarded, with his phone number permanently deleted on your iPhone and in your heart.
What should you do? Play the field. Yes. There’s no ring on your finger, and hopefully you haven’t been intimate yet. Don’t confuse love with lust. While your emotions and hormones are running at high speed, you don’t know his intentions other than he’s that instant chemistry guy, which can be dangerous. I know this first hand, as I wrote about it in my book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, when I too, had that instant chemistry with a guy I met. It turned out that he was a major player, and just like the Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, I’ll hum the line, “Players on love you when they’re playing.” It’s a game that can leave you feeling empty and alone.
My advice is simply, to take it slow. Date other men. Don’t sleep with this chemistry guy. Have fun flirting here and there, but don’t assume you’re in a relationship. Some relationships that start off hot-and-heavy, end just as quickly.
Hopefully your guy is different. Perhaps he’s just nervous. Texting can’t replace quality time in person. Take a look at my latest YourTango Experts video, where I address the texting issue in a relationship. Time will tell if your guy is for real and time is a precious gift.
Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and happiness.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
We’ve become so attached to our SmartPhones, but has text messaging actually replaced calling and hearing the human voice? According to a Zoosk Holiday poll of 1000 singles in the U.S., the answer is yes.
43% say that text messaging indeed has become their preferred form of communication. 27% of Singles polled said they still prefer the more traditional phone call, while 14% of singles prefer to communicate via Facebook. Twitter got a thumbs down with 0% preferring to communicate in 140 characters or less.
As Zooskers looked ahead to 2011, the good news is that love will be very much in style. 77% of the singles polled said they had a good feeling they would meet that someone special in the coming year. Chances are they will meet while looking for love online.
What’s the sexiest gadget to catch up on your reading? I was pleased to see the answer was a traditionally published book. Over half of the singles polled preferred an actual book over the Kindle, iPad, Nook, or Sony Reader.
How sexy is your Smartphone? 34% of those polled said the iPhone still ranks as number one, but Android is close behind. Blackberry came in at number 3.
Visit social dating site Zoosk for complete results of their survey with the best and worst trends during 2010. As always we wish you lots of love and happiness this holiday season. If you need some handholding with your dating, we help singles create their Irresistible online dating profiles.
If it’s time to leave the drama behind, you’ll want to listen to our radio show featuring Paige Parker and Dating Without Drama. Learn how to move your relationship status from single and skeptical to confident and committed.
Find out about more about Facebook Without Drama including should you friend your new beau on Facebook and the dos and don’ts of text messaging your date.
You’ll hear about the red flags and deal breakers for online daters and Paige will share her personal story on how she became a very happily married woman by changing her personal strategies.
Listen to hear dating advice from myself as well as Paige on this special edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Tyra Banks featured a segment on her show about online dating, hook ups, and sexting.
She started The Tyra Show by stating that 60% of women say the Internet has changed their sex lives. She asked the audience to stand up if they had ever sex texted. Very few were willing to admit they had indulged in the habit. Tyra said she had an audience full of liars.
On the program Tyra said, “Personally I am not against online dating. There are a million steps you need to take before meeting that person, in person.”
Tyra doesn’t recommend meeting someone online if you are a teenager. “Please do not do that. It’s not safe,” she said. I have to agree. Most online dating sites require you to be 18 years or older to sign up.
Tyra’s panel consisted of four women in favor of sexting, and four who were vehemently against it for safety and self-esteem reasons.
One panelist said she likes to sex-text her boyfriend before he goes to sleep at night. Another panelist says it helps her relationship with her boyfriend while she is away at college.
I subscribe to the safety first theory. Just last week I was a guest on WPIX in New York with Tamsen Fadal and the subject was, cyber-dating safety. I provided some ways to date online, safely, which included:
- Don’t give out your last name
- Don’t give out your home address
- Don’t talk about money
- If you’re uncomfortable, leave
Keep in mind, your online communication often becomes public record and can be indexed by Google and the search engines. Think twice before pressing the send button, turning on your webcam, or uploading that risky video. If your relationship doesn’t end well, you don’t want your sexting history out there for the world to see.
Read my full article @Huffington Post
Julie Spira is known worldwide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com