Dating Advice: Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

The Top Ten Rules of Netiquette for Online Dating

1. The Google Rule – Googling your date. We all do it. It’s just too easy to find out the juicy details of the person you have on your date card. If you do decide to do a search, please don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” on your first date.  Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

2. The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. I urge singles to be honest about their age and weight in their profiles. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-pounds off your actual weight or 5-years from your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone, in your profile, or on your first date– especially if you want to make it to a second date.

3. The Food and Beverage Rule – A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. Another date made a point of asking what my favorite cuisine was so he could select the perfect restaurant for dinner. He refused to order food after we sat down at the table. Neither of them made it to a second date.

4. The Valet Parking Rule – It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically much less than the cost of the next cosmopolitan. You’ll get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and
may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.

5. The Ex Rule - Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy they are that their payments are about to end, change the subject, or run. He’s just not over her or him.

6. The Body Parts Rule – Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.

7. The To Go Bag Rule – Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more importantly, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well. The man who asked for the remains of his pizza crust to go along with the scraps of my salad didn’t make a good impression.

8. The Send Button Rule - When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself instead. You can’t take it back. Your date’s revenge could be in forwarding your email all over the Internet. If it gets indexed by Google, you’ll have a hard time finding another date.

9. The Marriage Proposal Rule – Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call! Falling in love from your keyboard or iPhone isn’t really love. It’s a false fantasy that you are in a relationship.

10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages these days. But is it right?

Excerpts from the bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira
©2008 Julie Spira – Cyber Dating Expert, LLC All Rights Reserved
CyberDatingExpert.com

Dating Expert Julie Spira to Appear on the Mark and Brian Show

Cyber-Dating Expert and bestselling author Julie Spira will be a featured guest on the Mark and Brian Show on KLOS in Los Angeles.

Spira will share her online dating tips and advice from her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online on March 9, 2010.

To listen to the program click here>>>

Dating Advice – What’s Love Got to Do With It?

It was a very special Second Sunday at An Empowered Woman where we celebrated the annual Valentine’s luncheon at Mountaingate Country Club in Bel Air.

Desiree Doubrox created a fun day with a Love Panel.  The theme was “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” and I was invited to speak along with Dr. Pat Allen,  who talked about her relationship theories from her two books, Getting to “I Do” and The Truth About Men Will Piss You Off and Cougar Dating Expert, Lucia who told us about the benefits of older women dating younger men. After receiving expert dating advice, we were all treated to the “Male Panel” where guys told the women EXACTLY what love meant to them and what made a woman sexy. The empowered male panel included the Jazz Balladeer Caesar, Sonny Dominguez who has been dating cougar women for 8 years, and hypnotherapist, Gerry Grossman.

Some of the descriptions from the men included confident, charming, and a warm welcoming smile.

Those who were in attendance had the opportunity to interact with the speakers in a lively discussion and do a little last-minute Valentine’s shopping before the big night. I was signing copies of my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and enjoyed sharing my stories with the group. With the rising popularity of online dating, it was no surprise that over 60% of the women in the audience had visited an online dating site.

Cyberdating is no longer for those dating-challenged. The room was filled with successful entrepreneurial women who are busy executives looking for love online.

Cougar dating expert, Lucia will be a guest on an upcoming edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show on February 27, 2010. I will be joining her on her show, The Art of Love on March 7, 2010.

Now that Valentine’s Day is over, are you ready for spring fever? It’s just around the corner.

Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert™. She is the author of The Perils of CyberDating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.

LA Times – Finding the Right Online Dating Service

Online dating has become a very HOT topic.

The Los Angeles Times featured a story on how to find the right online dating service which appeared in the IMAGE section.

In the article, Mark Brooks from Online Personals Watch called the Internet the world’s largest bar. I have to agree here.

Read my expert dating advice in the cover story of the Valentine’s edition of  Los Angeles Times.

“EHarmony has [about 250] questions in their questionnaire,” says Julie Spira of CyberDatingExpert.com and author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.” “Anyone who signs up with eHarmony is truly serious about having a relationship with someone.”

Industry experts Brooks and Spira also praise GPS-based mobile applications like Skout and Foursquare that let users find out what people are doing and where they are so they can join the party at the bar or restaurant and meet new people.

For those who want to approximate a real in-person date before spending time and money on what might very well be an awkward first date, CyberDatingExpert.com’s Spira says to look to webcams.

“People are so conditioned on the first date to be disappointed that you don’t look like your photo,” she explains. She lists Speeddate.com or WooMe.com, both meet-via-webcam sites with younger clienteles, as success stories because their users tend to be less inhibited and quick learners of the software platform. “With video, what you see is what you get. But the older people in their 40s and 50s aren’t taking the time to do videos. You’re just getting them to join online dating for the first time so it’s like baby steps.”

Virtual sites, such as Second Life, OmniDate.com and Weopia.com, or even gaming sites, such as World of Warcraft (where romances have sometimes sparked between members of the gamers’ playing guilds), are perfect for those who are “gadget oriented” but also add another layer of anonymity, Spira says — something that can be a pro or a con. She says that virtual daters should get real pictures of their suitors before getting too serious.

Spira says it’s also common for online daters to be on several dating sites at once, at least one of which is free. But there might be a lot of abandoned profiles on free sites because “if you are paying $50 a month for an online dating site, you’re going to pay more attention to those e-mails. It’s economics.”

Click here to read full article on the Los Angeles Times

ABC News – How to Find Love on Facebook

In a Valentine’s story by ABC News, I was interviewed as to why people are finding love on Facebook with a nice mention of our Cyber Love Story of the Week feature.

“Facebook provides a friendly place for people to engage in conversation, reflect on their past memories and reunite with people they may [have] lost touch with,” said Julie Spira, cyber-dating expert and author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.” “People feel more comfortable in reaching out on Facebook because they don’t run the risk of rejection that they might get on a phone call.

On her Web site, Spira features a “Cyber Love Story of the Week” and said that all kinds of circumstances have helped couples find love on Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites not dedicated to dating.

One couple started dating, and ultimately tied the knot, after realizing on Facebook that they share a name.

Out of curiosity, Kelly Hildebrandt, a 20-something female from Florida, searched Facebook for her name. When she found Kelly Hildebrandt, a 20-something male from Texas, she sent him a note.

The two started corresponding over Facebook, he flew out to visit her and eight months later, he proposed.

Facebook Helps New Acquaintances Build Relationships

Spira said social networks also provide places for new acquaintances to become better friends.

“Quite often you will meet someone at a party or business networking event, exchange cards, and become Facebook friends,” she said. Status updates, pictures and comments on a member’s profile give people clues about a potential partner’s dating status.

Click here to read full article @ABC NEWS

Article written KI MAE HEUSSNER ABC NEWS

Lock and Key Events Valentine’s Party

Are you looking to meet other singles just in time for Valentine’s Day?

Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on Saturday, February 13, 2010 for a personal appearance and book signing at the Lock and Key Events party in Santa Monica, CA

Spira will be signing copies of her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and will provide expert dating advice and relationship tips for singles attending the mixer.

The event will be held at Dakota Live Music Lounge, 2941 Main Street, Santa Monica, CA 90405

Tickets are available at LockAndKeyEvents

The Valentine’s Day Cut Off Rule

It’s now 5 days before Valentine’s Day. The Super Bowl memories are starting to fade. Have you asked your date to be your Valentine yet? If not, are you aware that there is a “cut-off” rule for when to solidify who you will be spending February 14th with?

If you have watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, you might recall that Larry discussed the cut-off rule in an episode. They determined 9:30-10:00pm for the cut-off time to phone a friend. It became a heated discussion. The same theory applies to Valentine’s Day.

In my online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, one of my rules of netiquette was the cut-off rule. This rule applied to the most common misrepresentation in an online dating profile – the accuracy of your age . Although I believe in authenticity, I had decided that 5-10 years was the maximum amount of years that you could take off your age in your profile. I added that you need to be honest in the body of your email, on the phone, or certainly the latest by the first-date. I don’t promote lying on your profile, I just know that many singles want to fit into a search.

So, getting back to Valentine’s Day. When is it too late to ask the woman you are dating out for Sunday night?  Here’s my relationship advice. I took a poll during the Super Bowl and most men felt they could wait until the last day, if there was chemistry with someone they had just met. I disagreed. I told them, one week maximum, and that once the Super Bowl was over, it was time to put the date in ink on the calendar and get whatever remaining reservations were available at such a late date.

Think about it. Most restaurants book up a month in advance of Valentine’s Day. There will be slim pickings. You can always bring food home and set the table with fine china and candles, but it won’t be the same. If you are waiting until the last minute, don’t be surprised to find your date has made other plans. A smart, confident woman doesn’t wait around for the phone to ring. She’d rather be alone than be an afterthought.  If you have made Valentine’s plans and have a change of heart, don’t go down in history as the guy or girl who cancels on her Valentine’s date the week of because something better came along. It will come back to haunt you. If you are gearing up for this romantic day, logging into your online dating profile on a regular basis during the days leading to Valentine’s may get you in the “dog house.” It certainly won’t get you into the bedroom.

With or without a date, my advice is to try and enjoy Valentine’s Day and be open to the possibilities of love. It may arrive on time, or it may be late. If you are really interested in pursuing someone romantically, don’t forget Valentine’s Day. If so, be prepared that your calls won’t be returned.

Julie Spira is known world wide as the Cyber-Dating Expert. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira to Appear on KFWB

Julie Spira, bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online will be a featured guest on the radio show, The Rules of Engagement hosted by Amber Kelleher.

Spira will be providing her dating advice and relationship tips for singles who want to successfully date online as part of her Valentine’s media tour. She will be providing her secrets on how to create an irresistible online dating profile and give tips for men on how approach women on the Internet.

Kelleher is an internationally renowned relationship expert and the nation’s top matchmaker. Her show airs every Saturday on KFWB from 5:00pm – 6:00 pm.

Spira’s appearance will be on Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 5:00 pm/pacific time on  KFWB – 980, Los Angeles.

To listen to the show go to KFWB.

For a list of  Julie Spira’s media appearances visit CyberDatingExpert.com

Click here to book Julie Spira as a guest as an online dating expert for Valentine’s Week.

Oprah.com – Online Dating: The Dos, The Don’ts, The Musts plus a Smile

Lesley Dorman wrote a terrific article on Oprah.com about online dating.

By carefully crafting her online dating profile 12 years ago, she met and married her husband.

Besides the obvious suggestions of making sure you have a terrific profile photo and tell your accurate age, Dorman suggests that you put on your lipstick, wear your favorite outfit, and feel sexy while writing your Internet dating ad.  She came up with 9 suggestions. I am adding #10 – Smile.

Smile when you are writing your profile, smile when you are reading the emails from your male suitors, and smile if you get lucky enough to graduate to a phone call and meet in person.

One of the biggest compliments I have received from men online is that they were drawn to my smile. This first impression is a lasting one. Even on a date, a gentleman will tell me how he enjoys seeing me smile.

Thank you Lesley for sharing your tips and your success in finding love online.

Click here to read more on Oprah.com

Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Peril of the Week – Pizza Crust to Go

One day I went on a date with a handsome attorney who took me to lunch at a local pizza parlor. While ordering the gourmet pizza of his choice, he requested that his pie be cooked very well-done. He explained that he didn’t like a soggy crust.

When his dish arrived, he ate a small piece. He frowned and announced that he didn’t like his pizza. He claimed it wasn’t cooked enough for his taste. The date called the waiter over to complain. The waiter assured him that he gave the correct instructions to the chef, but would be happy to have another pizza made.

When the second pizza arrived, the gentleman was pleased. He was no longer being subjected to eating a soggy pizza. He was now a happy diner. However,the waiter and the chef were not smiling.

As a courtesy, the waiter offered to take the price of the pizza off of the bill. This was above and beyond what was necessary. After all, the date did enjoy his meal. Why should it be free?  At the end of lunch, the date requested a “to go” box to take the few remaining pieces of his pizza crust home in a doggy bag. He also requested to take the remains of my salad as well. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all to have asked.

Women just don’t find the practical side appealing on a first date.

Excerpt from the Internet dating book,  The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira.

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