Should You Become a Cyber-Sleuth? Julie Spira on Dr. Drew
Finding love online happens for many millions of singles.
Being a safe online dater is something everyone needs to know.
On a recent episode of Dr. Drew on HLN, I gave my tips on how to become a cyber-sleuth so you can date safely on the Internet.
1. Remember to meet in a public place.
2. Tell your friends the screen name of your date and what site you’ve met them on.
3. Call or text your friend to let them know you’re fine during your date.
4. Make Google your friend and type in your date’s email address, phone number
5. Check Facebook to see if your date’s photos match their online dating profile photos. See if you have friends in common.
At the end of the day, there’s nothing more powerful than trusting your intuition. If you’re uncomfortable for any reason, leave. If your date continues to bother you after you’ve decided not to see them again, report them to the online dating site.
Know that millions of singles are falling in love every day from online dating sites.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. More more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and join us on Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Julie Spira to Provide Online Dating Advice at West Hollywood Book Fair
On Sunday, September 30th, online dating expert and bestselling author Julie Spira will appear at the West Hollywood Book Fair.
Spira, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com will be providing free dating advice and critiquing online dating profiles from 12pm – 2pm at booths #A11 and A12.
Known as one of America’s Top relationship experts, Spira has been featured and quoted in ABC News, BBC, CBS News, CNET, Cosmopolitan, E! Entertainment, Elle, FOX, Glamour, Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health, NBC, New York Times, NPR, and Woman’s Day with her expertise in online dating. She was named one of the “Top 10 columnists to follow on Twitter” and ranks in the “Top 10 Most Influential People in Dating” on Klout, a social media measurement site.
Her advice has appeared on numerous dating advice sites including eHarmony, JDate, Match.com, Your Tango, and Zoosk, as well as in her column on Huffington Post. She’s currently writing the film adaptation of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating” and as well as her second book, “The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.”
Spira will be signing copies of her bestselling book and will be joined by several other Los Angeles based authors and members of the Women’s National Book Association at Booths A10-A11.
EVENT DETAILS
Who: Author, Julie Spira
Where: West Hollywood Book Fair, 647 N. San Vicente Blvd. West Hollywood, CA
When: Sunday, September 30, 2012 Time: 12pm to 2PM (Booth A 11 and A 12)
Cost: *Free*
ABOUT THE PERILS OF CYBER-DATING
“The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online” is a romantic tell-all memoir spanning over 250 online dates in almost 15 years. The book is filled with heartfelt, witty, and hilarious stories. Julie Spira, a pioneer in the Internet industry, became the first on her block to post an online dating profile. You’ll follow her journey as she skillfully navigates the web, hoping to replace what she once thought was the love of her life with a new Internet mate. Combining her fairytale romances and disappointing heartbreaks with her personal “rules of netiquette,” Spira provides priceless knowledge about the most effective ways to date online.
PRAISE FOR THE PERILS OF CYBER-DATING
“Hilariously funny. Singles of all ages need to read this book.” ~ Joan Rivers
“The Perils of Cyber-Dating gives hope to singles that they can successfully meet someone online.” ~ Dr. Pat Allen, bestselling author, “Getting to I Do.”
“It’s like Sex and The City in a Web 2.0 World.” ~ E. Jean Carroll, Elle Magazine
“This book is a must for this generation of singles, both male and female, who are into cyber-dating.” ~ Santa Monica Daily Press
How to Change Your Screen Name on Match.com
Just like seasons change, so should your online dating profile. Often your user name and headline became stale, and you really don’t want to look like yesterday’s news.You don’t read the same book every day, and your profile should be refreshed to stay current.
While it’s simple to change your photos and upload photos from Facebook on your Match profile, it’s not as easy to change your screen name and headline.
Let’s start with the screen name. Is yours catchy enough? Probably not. When we create irresistible profiles for singles, we spend a lot of time selecting the perfect screen name within the allotted amount of characters. Chances are your favorite screen name or song title has already been taken. When you realize it’s time to freshen it up, follow these simple steps and you’ll have a new name and headline within a few minutes.
Changing Your Screen Name on Match.com
- Log onto Match.com.
- Click on Account in the top right of the blue navigation bar.
- In the drop down menu, click on Settings.
- On the left hand side of the screen, click on Sign Up Information
- Type in your password when prompted to do so.
- Your sign information with your user name, city and other details will appear.
- Click Change Sign Up Information
- A box will appear where you can change your screen name, password, city, and other details.
- Click on the link for your user name and type in a new desired name.
If you’ve changed cities or moved across town, these same instructions will help you appear in the correct zip code. Or go ahead and be adventurous and change your zip code the week before you go on a trip to another city. It’s always wise to cast a wide net.
You may be happy with your screen name, but what if your headline isn’t very captivating? Your best bet is to change your headline to reflect a refreshed version of you. Make it fun or funny, but change it around a bit and you’ll be surprised at the results.
Changing Your Headline on Match.com
- Log onto Match.com.
- Click on Profile in the top blue navigation bar.
- In the drop down menu, click on View/Edit.
- To the right of your primary photo, you’ll see a white box with some text typed in it. This is where you’re headline appears.
- Delete the text and replace it with something new and fresh.
- Click Submit for Approval and you’re done.
At the end of the digital day, remember that online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win and having a stale profile in today’s social media friendly environment is something you should avoid.
For more information on our Irresistible Profiles program, click here.
For 20% off Match.com, click here
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. For dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Mobile Dating BootCamp – Meet the Contestants [video]
Nine single daters are using 6 mobile dating apps, as online dating and mobile dating expert Julie Spira helps them find love from their mobile phone. Meet our contestants and cheer them on.
Julie Spira is a mobile and online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more information visit MobileDatingBootCamp.com and Facebook.com/mobiledatingbootcamp.
Peril of the Week – Tacos for Two
Dating in your 30s and 40s often means dating men with kids and vice versa. The exact time to introduce your children to your new boyfriend or girlfriend is still up for debate. What’s absolutely not appropriate is bringing your child along when meeting a potential suitor for the first time.
In this Peril of the Week story, a woman agreed to go on a dinner date with a man she met online. When she arrived, the woman was shocked that her date had brought his six-year-old daughter, whom he had never mentioned nor made any indication of having a child on his profile, with him on their first date. Apparently, it was his weekend to have her. Why he didn’t reschedule, or, better yet, hire a babysitter, she never found out. But the girl proved to be a royal pain in the behind.
While deciding what to order, his daughter wanted to get a burrito, but her dad reminded her that she didn’t like the burrito last time and suggested she get the fish tacos instead. Well that didn’t go over smoothly. The little girl threw a whiny fit until she got what she wanted and ordered the burrito. Of course, when the burrito came it wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, she wanted her father’s date’s tacos. Wanting to eat the tacos instead of the burrito, she assumes she must have given her date some sort of look because the man yelled, “Just give her the damn tacos!”
At a complete loss of what to do, the woman felt like she had to give his daughter her tacos. Since she was really looking forward to the fish tacos, she placed a second order and sat there watching her date and his daughter chow down without her (which is just so rude in it of itself). By the time her tacos arrived, they were both done eating and the daughter was ready to go.
Finally, when the check came, her date asked for the second order of tacos to be on a separate bill, paid his portion and left her sitting there to finish her meal alone along with the check. Thankfully, the waiter seemed to understand her predicament and told her that her tacos were on the house.
Do you have a dating disaster story to share? The Peril of the Week was contributed by Big Red Flags.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
OkCupid Locals – Say Goodbye to Being Dateless in Your City
Dating on the fly just got a bit easier.
Our friends at OkCupid have announced OkCupid Locals, a mobile dating app on iOS and Android to help you meet compatible singles more quickly than ever.
With OkCupid locals, you’ll find a blend of a Twitter-like broadcast feature, FourSquare location based feature, and data from the online dating site’s 8-million members.
From connecting at a sports bar to meeting up at a happy hour, simply broadcast your dating intentions and the digital genie will grant your wish with a list of compatible matches closeby.
A service like this will help avoid the weeks and weeks of emailing back-and-forth that many online dating site members feel frustrated with.
There’s no reason to stay dateless in your city anymore.
Are using mobile dating applications or location-based services to meet other singles? Comments and thoughts are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to learn how to create an irresistible online dating profile.
The Cyber Dating Expert Looking for Love Online Summer Contest
Looking for love online this summer? We’re thrilled to announce the Cyber-Dating Expert Summer Love promotion where we’ve teamed up with Match to provide one lucky winner with a signature Irresistible Dating Profile from online dating expert Julie Spira, along with a 3-month free membership to Match.com.
To participate in the contest, participants are requested to LIKE the Cyber-Dating Expert facebook page at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and post their funniest or worst dating story ever on the facebook wall.
Five additional winners will be selected and will receive an autographed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Think about your funniest Internet date and share it with us on Facebook for your chance to win.
*Contestants must be 18 years of age or older and reside in the United States. No profanity will be accepted and inappropriate wall posts will be removed with the contestant disqualified. The contest starts on June 20, 2011 and ends on July 3, 2011. Winners will be selected by Cyber-Dating Expert, LLC. and announced on July 5, 2011 on Facebook and Twitter.
Spreading Netiquette and Love in New York
In this week’s Where’s Julie column, I’m happy to say that I’m home curled up by the fire busy confirming Valentine’s appearances for the next two weeks. However, in between snowstorms, I had the opportunity to spend a few days in New York City, where I appeared on NBC News to talk about my new book, The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web. The segment was called Netiquette: Minding Your Virtual Manners. I hope you can take a moment to view the video. Comments are always welcome. Even Pope Benedict embraced netiquette for social networking last week.
The Rules of Netiquette was originally the title of a chapter in my first book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, inspired in part when an ex-fiance ended the engagement via email. Yes, that was a netiquette no-no.
Jamie Beckman and Julie Spira
While in New York, I had the chance to sip cappuccino with She Knows columnist and author, Jamie Beckman, whose book is featured this month in the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room. I also met with the GenConnect group to go over the final details of my Valentine’s live chat scheduled for February 3, 2011 at 3:30pm/Pacific time. The subject will be “For Lovers and Lovers in Waiting.” I’ll be posting details on how you can participate in the live chat on Monday, so get your relationship questions ready.
On Friday, our friends at eHarmony posted my article 5 Reasons She Won’t Call You Back on their site and sent it out to 5 million people on their eHarmony Advice newsletter. The last I looked, there were 76 comments so feel free to chime in. Needless to say, I’ve been busy working on irresistible profiles throughout the weekend for those looking for love online or at least a date before Valentine’s.
Valentine’s is around the corner, and I’ve gone on record as saying, “Valentine’s to a woman is like the Super Bowl to men.” With that in mind, we’ll be posting several articles to help you leading up to Valentine’s Day, regardless of your love stage. For now, take a look at my recent post, Valentine’s Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts for Your Valentine.
Stay tuned for my Valentine’s special offer for Irresistible Profiles for a limited time on February 1st – 6th. I’ll also be posting some special free offers from some of the online dating sites next week which are worth signing up for which will appear in the Weekly Flirt.
Woman’s Day Relationship Resolutions
New Year’s resolutions are still a hot topic during the first week of the year. Whether to make them, keep them, or revise them, when it comes to relationship resolutions, they should be at the top of your list.
In a recent article on Woman’s Day, I was interviewed on ways to help you and your partner have a better 2011. If you’re in a relationship, this article is for you. If you’re single and a member of an online dating site, you will benefit from these 7 resolutions while on the dating scene.
Be more understanding of your partner’s faults.
So, you’d like to switch off that nagging gene and let the little things slide (such as socks on the floor)? Good idea! “No man wants a partner who nags him, and no woman wants to be that type of woman,” says Julie Spira, dating/romance coach and author ofThe Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
How to make it stick: Every time you’re about to let loose with a “You always/You never [fill in the blank],” stop yourself and ask, is it worth the argument? Instead, sit down with your partner and make a list of things that you’ll agree to nudge each other about, like paying bills on time or getting the car inspected, and agree to let the rest go.
Find Happiness Outside Your Relationship.
Sure, you want to lean on your lover when times are tough, but when you’re too needy, it can be a turnoff. “We’re all more appealing when we have our own lives and are confident and feeling good about ourselves,” says Spira.
How to make it stick: Think of things that used to make you happy that you don’t do as much anymore, such as taking art lessons, practicing piano or even just seeing movies your partner doesn’t enjoy—and do them. Make dates with your girlfriends, join the softball team at work, whatever. “Live your life as though it’s not wrapped around his,” suggests Spira. Having interests and experiences that have nothing to do with each other means you have more to bring to the relationship
Other resolutions include increase gratitude for your partner; be a better listener, show more interest in your partner’s life work and interests; and institute a date night.
For the full article and how to make your resolutions stick, visit Woman’s Day
Book Review – The Perils of Cyber-Dating
Read the latest book review from Cupid’s Pulse along with my personal interview about The Perils of Cyber-Dating.
More than 40 million singles are dating online. With around 2,500 online dating sites to choose from, how can you navigate your way safely and find love on the Internet? Julie Spira’s tell-all memoir, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, can help. You’ll follow her on her 15-year journey – which included 250 online dates – as she navigated the web in hopes to find an Internet mate to replace someone she thought was the love of her life. Through her romances, heartbreaks, and personal rules of “netiquette,” Spira shares invaluable first-hand knowledge on the best ways to date online.
Cupid’s Take:
Online dating has it’s own set of rules. Remember to be safe and savvy when on the web. Cupid caught up with the Spira via e-mail this week. Here’s what the author had to say:
Cupid: You were one of the first people to delve into the world of online dating. Were you scared? What were other people’s reactions?
Julie Spira: At the time I created my first online dating profile in 1994, I wasn’t scared at all. I fully embraced the Internet both personally and professionally. But, since online dating was not mainstream at that point, I told very few people that I was meeting my dates from online dating sites. I told some close friends who I thought could benefit from online dating and helped them with their online dating profiles.
Cupid: What’s different about cyberdating (as compared to traditional dating), and how can people adapt to it?
JS: The main difference between cyberdating and traditional dating is that you are meeting someone that you haven’t met before in real life and you are getting to know them from behind their computer screen. Online dating, Internet dating, and cyberdating are all terms used for those using online dating sites, chat rooms, video dating, and social dating sites. This also includes social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace. In order to completely embrace online dating, one needs to be comfortable using their computer. It’s also important to be very organized as you may receive hundreds of emails in the first day or two. I[n] order to be successful, if you create a system that helps keep all of the replies and emails sent, you’ll be able to communicate with your dates with their background information. If you are already using Facebook to communicate with friends, it’s the next logical step.
Cupid: What have you seen change about the online dating world since you started?
JS: When I first started dating online, Match.com hadn’t been launched yet. There were very few sites to pick from. It was a much simpler process without all the Web 2.0 bells and whistles. You weren’t seeing video dating and text messaging wasn’t an option in the U.S.
Cupid: What is your relationship to online dating now?
JS: As an online dating coach, I help singles create their irresistible online dating profiles and work with them to search the best possible matches. I also help them decide which sites to join and teach them how to craft and email introduction and response that will grab the attention of those profiles they select.
Cupid: What are your top 5 netiquette rules for cyberdating?
JS: My Rules of Netiquette from my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, include:
1. The Google Rule – If you Google your date before you meet them, don’t let them know on the first date. You’d be surprised how some people actually print out the Google results and start questioning their date about specific entries. It’s not appropriate first date material and no one wants to feel like they are on a job interview or under the microscope.
2. The Food and Beverage Rule – If you ask a date out for coffee, be prepared to order a beverage for her and yourself. I have heard stories many times where either someone arrives with their own water, or simply does not order a coffee or tea for their date. You should assume that a coffee date includes a drink, and a dinner date includes some form of food.
3. The Ex Rule – Don’t talk about your ex-wife or husband, ex girlfriend or boyfriend, or spend time talking about the past. You’d be surprised that some talk about their spousal support, or a relationship that didn’t work out on the first date. Keep it light and leave the baggage at home.
4. The Send Button Rule – My mother always says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Too often someone gets mad and drafts an email and pushes the send button. When in doubt, send it to yourself. You might feel differently in the morning. Once you push the send button, you can’t take it back.
5. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages and on Twitter these days. But is it right?
Most importantly, be authentic. Authenticity is really in style now. With over 400 million members on Facebook, it’s easy for someone to see if your photo on your online dating profile does not match the recent birthday or vacation pictures on Facebook. We know that many singles lie about their age in their online dating profiles to fit into a search, but the truth will come out when you meet in real life. You start out on a bad foot if you are lying about your age, weight, and height. Enjoy the process and look at cyberdating as a way to increase your social and business networks in the event it doesn’t turn into a romantic relationship.
Cupid thanks Spira for her time! For more information and dating advice, visit her site, CyberDatingExpert.com.
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