Breaking Up on Facebook

The subject of breaking up on Facebook is a hot topic these days. Earlier this month, David McCandless published his now-famous Facebook Breakup Chart which spread like wildfire on the Web. We now know what we already realized. Holiday heartbreak is heading into its busy season.

A month before the chart appeared online, I discussed my Rules of Netiquette for Facebook relationships and breakups with Michelle Yarn at GalTime.com

With over 500 million members on Facebook, relationship status changes have become the darling of the Internet. One can’t help but notice the red heart appear and disappear on the profiles of our  friends and our new friends, better known as the friends-of-friends.

Read excerpts from It’s Complicated: Breaking Up in a Facebook World

Breakups used to be so simple. You get dumped. You cry about it. You get advice from close friends and family. They tell you how much better off you are without him. You cut all ties from your ex. Then, eventually you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into the game.

Yep, those were the good ole days. Those were the days before social networking sites like Facebook splattered your love life across the web like a tabloid. Now, as the Facebook gods have so conveniently pointed out, “It’s Complicated.”

I have a friend (a real life one) who was recently dumped by her boyfriend of three and a half years. When she came to me for advice it started out as your typical breakup pep talk.

While the situation will vary depending on the severity of the split, there are some basic guidelines to help you handle a breakup in the age of Facebook.

According to Julie Spira, social media/relationship expert and author of The Perils of Cyber Dating , one of the most important steps to consider is how to update your status.  She says, “I don’t believe singles should constantly change their status from “single” to “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” and back to “single” for everyone to see. Unless both parties agree on changing their status to “in a relationship” and it’s a serious relationship, no one wants to see the drama. However, it’s the most commented on update you will see on Facebook. People are just curious and want to know the juicy details. If you’re hurt, just delete your status completely to avoid the comments.”

And while many couples will decide to remain friends in real life, the same decision in the world of Facebook can be hell.  “When most couples break up, it’s not usually a happy time. More often that not, one has moved on already.” Spira adds, “If you’re still hurting from the split, I suggest de-friending him or her so you don’t have the opportunity to stare at their wall. We can’t help ourselves sometimes due to the curiosity, but it delays the healing process from the one left behind.”

Kelly Spann, a marketing and publicity manager in Virginia, learned this lesson the hard way.

“First off, right after we broke up I totally put him on blast in my status. I was angry, but that definitely wasn’t a classy move. Then I didn’t de-friend him and he didn’t de-friend me. Having to see his status updates, pictures and the various other girls writing things on his wall didn’t help me get over the break up at all.”

What if you’re the one that did the dumping? Have a heart! You may be ready to move on, but the rules of netiquette say there’s no need to rub your ex’s face in it. If you remain Facebook friends, Spira suggests at least changing your privacy settings to prevent your ex from seeing your activity with your new love interest. Otherwise, your ex may find some pretty creative ways to make your single life miserable.

Facebook user Josh Gilbert says his ex knew exactly how to use the social networking site to get back at him after their nasty breakup.

“I had made plans to attend Lollapalooza with a girlfriend, but then we broke up. She went anyway, and only posted pictures of two of my favorite bands – saying to ‘no one in particular’ – ‘Live from Lollapalooza – jealous?’ I can’t prove this was an intentional dig, but I’m convinced it was.”

Even if you delete your ex, there’s still the issue of mutual friends. This one’s hard enough to handle in your day to day life, but Facebook is a whole different beast.

Spira says, “There’s no need to delete the entire world because your relationship has ended, but I do recommend changing your privacy settings in Facebook to ‘friends only.’ You can also select the privacy settings individually for each status update if you prefer, where you have the option to select ‘everyone’,  ‘friends,’  or ‘friends of friends.’

Once the drama has subsided and you find yourself ready to get back into the dating scene, Spira says to proceed with caution.

“Unless you are actively ready to date again and would like to meet someone on Facebook, take a break from the status relationship change and just don’t post any relationship status at all. If you’re ready to date, go ahead and list yourself as “single” but be prepared to be hit on. It just happens.”

To read the entire post, click here>>>

Irresistible Anniversary Celebration

We’re celebrating at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters the entire month of October, as it’s another anniversary for our online dating advice site, CyberDatingExpert.com.

To celebrate another year of helping singles find love online, we want to share our success with you during our Irresistible Anniversary Celebration with discounts, giveaways, contests and more.

SPECIAL PROMOTIONS!

Now through October 31, 2010, we’ll be giving away a signed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating every day. Also our friends at Speed Date, who will be featured on Saturday, October 16th on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show will be giving one of our fans a 6-month premium membership to their site. Also, Cupidtino is offering three 6-month premium memberships in honor of their radio show appearance on October 23rd. To enter, just “Like” us on Facebook.*

Also, now through the end of the month,  you can enjoy a HUGE 25% discount off of all of our coaching programs. Sure, we’ve had specials before, but never at 25% off. That’s a savings of almost $200!

Why are we offering such a discount and handing out signed copies of my bestselling book?

• It’s been another exciting year for us.
• October is one of the most important months for singles.
• The holidays are around the corner and singles are joining online dating sites in record numbers.
• CyberDatingExpert.com consistently ranks as one of the Top online dating advice sites in the world!

We know there’s a lot of pressure for singles for finding love before the holidays and we want to help you achieve your dating and relationship goals.

We have a lot of exciting announcements all month long that I can’t wait to share with you.

IRRESISTIBLE OCTOBER!

Did you know that we’re featured in the October issue of Wired-UK in the article, Finding Online Dating Success?

If that isn’t exciting enough, during the first week of October, I was a featured guest on the Love Panel for Rapid Dating’s Fall Matchmaking party and my featured article went live on day 3 of  Your Tango’s 31 Days to a Better Sex Life Challenge.

I also had the privilege and honor of speaking at the 140 Characters Conference about Dating, Love and Romance in the Real-Time Web, and received the very prestigious WOW Award at the Beverly Hills Hotel. WOW is right. But we couldn’t have done any of this without the constant support from the online dating community.

IN THE NEWS!

In the past year, we’ve been featured in the news on:

ABC, CBS, CNET, FOX, Smart Money, KTLA, WPIX, KLOS, BBC, WLW,  Momento Magazine, WIRED, Men’s Health, Woman’s Day, iVillage, PC World, Betty Confidential, Your Tango, Genconnect TV, Match, eHarmony, JDate, Zoosk, Date Daily, Examiner, Huffington Post,  Jewish Journal, Mercury News, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Business Journal, Sympatico, We Magazine, Florida Times Union, Denver Post, Ventura County Reporter, The Buffalo News, Philadelphia Inquirer, Chicago Now, E! Entertainment, John Tesh, Single Edition, and the list goes on. Valentine’s Day news coverage for online dating almost always included Cyber-Dating Expert.

ON THE RADIO!

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, the only weekly radio show focusing on Internet dating,  featured the who’s who in online dating this past year including:

Online dating sites: OkCupid, Match, JDate, eHarmony, Chemistry, Zoosk, Matchmaker, Date, Online Booty Call, Plenty of Fish, ChristanCafe, True, SKOUT Mobile Dating, Perfect Match, Scientific Match, and Gelato.

Dating Advice Sites: Cosmopolitan, Your Tango, and The Frisky, and Don’t Date Him Girl.

Authors and dating experts: David Wygant, Lori Gottlieb, Marie Forleo, Dr. Diana Kirschner, Dr. Pat Allen, Alan Roger Currie, Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Tina Tessina, Dr. Helen Fisher, Julie Ferman, Deb and Liv from Flirtexting, and Lucia.

IN REAL LIFE!

I personally met many of you at the Internet Dating Conference, New York Public Library, Hurry Date, 140 Characters Conference, An Empowered Woman, Social Media Week, Romance and Reality,  Book Soup, Social Media Club of Los Angeles, Book Expo America, Rapid Dating, West Hollywood Book Fair, Independent Writers of Southern California, and LA Singles Society where I spoke about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World and the impact of social media on our lives.

WE’VE GONE MOBILE!

Also this year, we launched our popular Dating Expert iPhone and Android App that thousands of singles are downloading every month. Through the end of October, our Dating Expert mobile app will remain free. But hurry and downlod it now, as there will be a fee starting November 1, 2010.

STILL A BESTSELLER!

The Perils of Cyber-Dating

The Perils of Cyber-Dating book remains an Amazøn bestseller in Computers & Internet Humor and has been a bestseller since it’s launch date, including bestseller status in dating, mate seeking, interpersonal relations, parenting & family humor, and love & romance. We’re giving away a book every day now through the end of the month to lucky winers who like our facebook page and will soon be releasing our new book,  The Secrets to Finding Love Online.

We’re thrilled to be the GO-TO source for online daters and appreciate each and every one of you in the Cyber-Dating Expert family.

So what are we offering Cyber Dating Expert readers and fans? Absolutely ALL of our popular dating coaching programs created to help you find success while looking for love online are discounted this month only by 25%!  We want you to be the next featured couple in the Cyber Love Story of the Week and celebrate with us all month long. These savings are so good, you might just be tempted to use your savings for a new favorite first date outfit.

Our delicious menu of services includes:

The Flirt - Already online? Get an online dating profile critique that will help you become a man magnet and attract more quality dates.  Sign up here>>>

Going Steady – Complete brand new online dating profile, including a personal dating analysis, catchy screen name, a new bio/headline, and a profile guaranteed ramp up your dating life.  Includes a private and personalized online dating search and tips on how to write an introduction email and reply. Sign up here>>>

Totally In Love - The most comprehensive package for busy singles. Includes all of the above, plus ongoing email support for 30-days, plus an autographed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. This has become our most popular service. After all, everyone needs a little extra hand holding. Nervous about your upcoming date? Not sure what to wear? Need a list of first-date conversation starters?  Sign up here>>>

I encourage you to sign up for which ever level fits your dating needs. Know that if you are interested in upgrading at the time of your initial service, you’ll have the freedom to do so. Get ready to fall in love this fall from your friends at CyberDatingExpert.com.

*To be eligible for our Irresistible Anniversary giveaways, you must be 18 or older to participate. Book winners outside the continental U.S. will receive an electronic version of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.

Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating. She created her first online dating profile in 1994 and helps singles find love online by creating their irresistible online dating profiles. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where you can share your online dating stories.

Where’s Julie – The Love Panel in Beverly Hills

Lamont K. Roberts, Julie Ferman, Renee Piane, Dr. Cindy Brown, and Julie Spira on the Love Panel

It was hard to say no to Renee Piane, when she invited me to participate on her Love Panel at her Fall Matchmaking Singles Party in Beverly Hills. I had already made plans to go to the United Friends of the Children’s charity event, Cultivate L.A., which was held on the same evening in Brentwood, but when there’s love involved, I’m usually around. I decided to attend both events on Saturday, October 2nd.

The Love Panel, held at Aqua Nightclub in Beverly Hills also featured my friend and matchmaker Julie Ferman from Cupid’s Coach, Dr. Cindy Brown, author of The Cinderella System, and one man only, producer Lamont K. Roberts.

Filled with dating and relationship advice, singles wanted to know what to do when a man asks for your phone number, but doesn’t call. Rather than waiting by the phone for him, he usually isn’t interested or he’d be calling within the typical 3-day period. On the other hand, the men wanted to know what to do when the women didn’t return their calls. Simply put, sometimes we’re busy or out of town, so guys, give it a second try.

Other topics of discussion included how to date someone in transition, a subject that ‘s near and dear to my heart. Renee’s husband Joe took the microphone and told the story about how he had been married twice before and wasn’t 100% percent available when he met Renee. He added, he fell in love with her heart. They are truly very happily married, so don’t give up on the newly divorced single. Chances are, they’ll probably want to get married again.

All the women in the audience unanimously agreed that they like a man with a plan. A woman is more likely to accept a date when the man suggests attending a particular event, dinner at a restaurant, or says he has concert tickets for Sunday and would like you to join him.

My final suggestion to singles looking for love online was to cast a very wide net. Look at each person as the opportunity to meet a new friend, a business associate, and if you’re lucky, perhaps you’ll fall in love in the process.

The bottom line, everyone agreed that a man is willing to wait for sex with the right woman, so ladies, don’t give it up too easily, but flirt with him and let him know you may be interested in time. After the Love Panel, singles engaged in Renee’s Rapid Dating icebreaker where they had the opportunity to spend a few minutes getting to know each other in a speed-dating type style.

Thank you Renee for including me in this wonderful event and for the passion that you have in bringing singles together for love and networking.

Julie Spira is a dating expert and a worldwide authority on online dating. She is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com

Get Your Cyber-Dating Expert iPhone App

We’ve been counting the days and hours at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters for the approval and release of our iPhone appfrom Apple. Today, we received the good news from Mobile Roadie. Our app was added today for iPhone users around the world to enjoy.

With our iPhone and Android apps, users can now share their online dating stories, listen to live streaming of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show and even get the chance to read sample chapters from the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Download the app now for dating advice in a Web 2.0 World.

**If you are interested in getting your own mobile app, go to MobileRoadie.com/ref/SMAM. Put SMAM as the referral code and receive 10% off your initial fee.

Experiencing – Love, Dating and Romance in the Real Time Web

It was an honor to be on the stage at the 92nd Street Y in New York City with my co-panelist, Tom Miller from Your Tango. We talked about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World, how the Your Tango community helps singles and couples with their advice and columns, and answered some questions from the audience about online dating sites and profiles. Only a volcano could prevent Scot McKay from joining us on the stage.

After our panel, I signed copies of my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online in the Schmooze lounge while dishing out some dating advice.

Thank you Jeff Pulver for having us speak at the first-ever dating panel at the 140 Characters Conference and to those who supported us during our presentation. I hope you take the time to view some of the other sessions. It was an incredible gathering of people who took the time to share their stories and passions in an authentic way.

Click on the arrow below to view the video and let us know your comments.

Countdown to the 140 Characters Conference

The 140 Characters Conference in New York is only one week away. We are counting down the days and I’m excited to be participating as a character in the first-ever dating panel: Experiencing Love, Dating, and Romance in the Real-Time Web. Make sure to mark your calendars for April 21, 2010 at 8:45am. I’ll be sharing the stage with Your Tango’s Tom Miller, @TomFooleryTM and dating expert @ScotMckay.

The event will be streamed for those who can’t make it. It is shaping up to be the largest gathering in the world of people interested in the effects of the real-time Internet on both business and “we” the people. I’ll be in New York all week meeting with editors, publishers, and broadcasters and will keep you posted on my media schedule and will be tweeting live from the event.

If you are in the New York City area, tickets are still available for $140 at 140Conf.org

Jeff Pulver has been working night and day to make this a memorable event. Other speakers include Today Show’s Ann Curry, Wine TV’s Gary Vaynerchuk, California Secretary of State Debra Bowen, Donny Deutsch, John Kremer, Ivanka Trump, MC Hammer and more. For a complete list of speakers visit http://nyc2010.140conf.com/speakers-2.

Besides meeting my twitter friends in real life, I’m delighted to announce that I will be signing copies of my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online in the schmooze lounge on Wednesday, April 21st from 10:00am-10:45am.

It’s going to be an exciting time for those in the social media world. I look forward to seeing you there.

Dating Advice at LA Twestival [with video]

Just about everybody who is anyone in the social media space in Los Angeles attended the charity twitter festival, better known as Twestival at the Roxy theatre on Sunset Strip in West Hollywood. The theme was tweet, meet, and give.

This year’s Twestival was held in 175 countries around the world on March 25, 2010 and raised almost $350,000 to date for Concern Worldwide, an organization that helps bring education to the world’s poorest children.

The Twestival festivities included live music by DJ Mike Relm, METRIC and DJ Menelik, and a great photo booth provided by Polite in Public. It was an overall fun evening complete with a red carpet arrival.

Just like a doctor at a party who ends up giving out medical advice, I was in the VIP section answering dating questions for singles looking for love online. One single woman at 27 told me she had never been out on a date. She was wondering if she should even bother. Naturally I suggested that she sign up for at least one online dating site since she was tech-savvy. I’m waiting for the results. Another well-respected attractive attorney has an online dating profile on one site, but finds the men are running away from the “complete package.”  A third woman, just out of a 6 year relationship, seems to only attract married men.

Slice it anyway you want, but love is a 365-year topic and online dating is now the hottest topic in the dating world and the second largest industry on the web.

Cyber Swag Bag Winner

I raffled off a copy of my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online in a VIP Cyber Swag Bag worth over $500. The lucky winner, a single-male in Los Angeles shared his enthusiasm in a tweet that said:

I won a great #giftbag from cyber-dating guru @JulieSpira at #LATwestival. TV/Web host-geek @ShiraLazar pulled my name. Thanks!

I quickly sent a RT that said: Your life may never be the same again RT @stevens1: I won a great #giftbag from cyber-dating expert @JulieSpira at #LATwestival

His follow-up tweet said, @JulieSpira LOL yes, I’m sure I’ll never be the same. So I might find an online date who doesn’t inspire me to check my watch?

Welcome to dating in a Web 2.0 World. Singles even want their dating advice IRL on twitter. I’ll be discussing this trend in greater detail at Jeff Pulver’s 140 Characters Conference – Exploring the State of Now in New York on April 21, 2010 at 945am.

@JulieSpira and @StaceySoleil

Congratulations the co-hosts Shira Lazar and Oprah Radio’s Derrick Ashong along with the many volunteers and sponsors for the evening including, Women in Technology, Girls in Tech, New Media Vault, Media Leaders, Social Media Club of Los Angeles, Digital Family, Tech Zulu, UStream, Tubefilter, Digital LA, Thrillist LA, and the list goes on. Donations can still be made by visiting Concern Worldwide’s website.

Julie Spira on The Mark and Brian Show

Listen to the Mark and Brian Radio Show on 955 KLOS where hosts Mark and Brian asked Cyberdating Expert Julie Spira about the Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for online daters.

Find out which of the Top 10 Rules from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating were their favorites as well as tips for your Internet dating profile on The Mark and Brian Radio Program.

The Art of Love Radio Show

On Sunday, March 7, 2010, Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira will be a featured guest on The Art of Love radio show hosted by relationship expert, Lucia.

Listen to the program on LA Talk Radio at 3:00pm, PST for dating advice and to hear more about finding love on your favorite online dating site.

You’ll hear more about the top ten rules of netiquette for online daters from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Love Hurts, or Does It? A Night of Dating Advice

Lori Gottlieb, Greg Behrendt, and Sascha Rothchild

There’s no shortage of dating advice these days. This week Angelenos were treated to a night to laughter, dating advice, and charity as 826LA, a non-profit writing and tutoring center for children ages 6-12 presented, “Love Hurts: Ask the Experts.”

The event was moderated by Time magazine’s funny man Joel Stein. Featured authors included Greg Behrendt, from He’s Just Not That Into You fame along with Lori Gottlieb, author of the bestseller, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and Sascha Rothchild, whose book, How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage
was released earlier this year.

It was interesting to note that both of the men on stage were married and both women were not.

Gottlieb’s book has received a lot of attention and criticism from feminists as well as those who never actually read the book who jumped to conclusion that “settling” was a bad decision before picking up their copy.

Views on Marriage

When the group was asked about their views of marriage, Rothchild said she would like to get married again, but won’t get divorced if she can help it. She added that many get married to wear a beautiful dress and get wedding gifts.

Behrendt told the group that he is not a relationship expert. He wrote two books about how to get out of relationships so he thought he wouldn’t be the one to know how to get in them. He suggested that singles go to Las Vegas to make their relationship legal and have a party in front of your friends. When asked why he got married, he replied with, “I got married because my wife wanted to get married. I didn’t want to lose her.” He says that marriage works for him.

Gottlieb said she went directly to experts to find out what really matters for love, long term happiness and got some answers. . She said she felt like a dating guinea pig and tried out their advice to try to get to the altar. Her findings are written in her well-researched book.

“Settling for Mr. Good Enough does not mean that you are settling with someone who you are not attracted to,” said Gottlieb. She added,  ”We rule out too many people. Good enough is everybody’s Mr./Ms. Good enough.”  The bestselling author says that bow-ties are hot. So are men named Sheldon. She admits that she didn’t use to feel that way.

Rothchild says if you are going into a marriage thinking it will make you happy, you will be disappointed. She hates the line, “You will complete me.” She added, “If two half-people meet up they will be miserable. You can’t expect someone to make you happy.”

Views on Online Dating

According to Rothchild,  online dating works for some people. She likes to get a sense of someone in person and isn’t a huge fan of the system. “You get an immediate vibe about a person when you meet him,” said Rothchild. She added, “You can feel if he is he crazy or not. With online dating,  you don’t get that.” Rothchild said she likes to meet people out playing poker. She met her current boyfriend at a poker game.  Her dating advice to singles, “If you like surfing, go surf. Meet other people who like what you like. Go up to a guy and say hi! If he’s available he’ll say hi back, its that easy.”

Gottlieb says he has to do online dating as she never leaves the house.  She learned that women often rule people out real quickly. She made the analogy of shopping online at Banana Republic where after you buy a blouse online, you are sent to a page to show you other blouses you can purchase.  She referred to the online dating site Match.com in her comparison. On Match, you write an email to someone you carefully select and suddenly you receive a thank you with five other men you should consider after selecting your favorite guy.

What the group all agreed on is dating has changed. According to Behrendt, “As a society, we don’t date as a ritual anymore. There’s hook-ups and casual dates. Years ago we went on dates because we didn’t [have sex] so we ate, danced, and had big band music.”

After the panel, I had the opportunity to personally interview Lori Gottlieb about why she felt so misunderstood by some of her critics of her book.  You can read the article: Marry Him: A Conversation With Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.

Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.

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