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VOTE for Julie Spira for Best Dating Coach

Nov 25th

Julie Spira iDate AwardsOf the many things I was thankful for during Thanksgiving week, one was the announcement of a male client who got engaged, the other was spending time with my family, and lastly, I found out that I’m a FINALIST for best dating coach in the 2017 iDate Awards to be held in Miami in January.

Voting is now open to the general public, so it would mean the world to me if you could cast your vote for Julie Spira – Cyber-Dating Expert for best dating coach.

VOTE HERE FOR BEST DATING COACH

While I was surprised to hear I was nominated, it warms my heart to know the industry realizes how passionate I am about helping singles find love.

In the Beginning

It was over 20 years ago (22 to be exact), that I first embraced online dating during its infancy. It was before Match.com and eHarmony were even launched. After helping myself and mastering the sites and chat rooms, I then started writing profiles for singles, while still keeping my day job as a technology executive. Cosmo named me the “Pioneer of Online Dating” and after my bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online was released, my business expanded and I started writing dating advice for JDate, Match, eHarmony, Huffington Post, DatingAdvice.com, PlentyofFish, YourTango, and the list goes on.

Today

After two decades of helping singles find love online, I created Mobile Dating BootCamp, which was featured in the Washington Post,  appeared in the New York Times on the growth of Tinder in 2015 and 2016, have been responsible for many marriages and engagements, several online babies, have appeared in over 1000 media articles, and have some exciting TV and film projects in the works.

I credit those I met at the iDate conferences for helping me spread the news and have attended 16 iDate shows! The January 2017 iDate Awards will be my 17th time at iDate and the thought of accepting this award brings tears to my eyes and joy to my digital heart.

VOTE HERE FOR JULIE SPIRA FOR BEST DATING COACH

Thank you to those who have nominated me to be a finalist and to those who are voting now that voting is open to the general public.

Being a dating coach brings together two of my biggest passions; my love of technology and my strong belief in love. I couldn’t be happier.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my articles, watching me on TV, reading my books, and for your vote.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

xo

VOTE at iDateAwards.com from now through January 6th.

 

Mobile Dating App Use Will Be High over Thanksgiving Weekend

Nov 23rd

Mobile Dating AppsHang tight to your mobile phone this weekend.

Whether you’re feeling holiday love or holiday blues, one thing is for sure for singles who’d like to change their relationship status, they’ll be logging on and swiping right BIG TIME over Thanksgiving weekend and it might be a perfect time to reach out to your hometown sweetheart from years ago for a little reunion.

As a mobile dating expert, I always recommend keeping your location based app on to meet new people when you’re traveling or to change your zip code to the destination you’ll be going to in advance on your dating profile.

Tinder Sociologist and Cyber-Dating Expert friend Dr. Jess Carbino says, “People typically tend to be attracted to those with a similar demographic background – from age, occupation, education and more.Individuals who grow up in the same areas are more likely to have shared experiences, making home a great place for singles with similar values to connect.”

It’s Cuffing Season

I know it’s difficult being at the Thanksgiving table with your relatives asking you if you’re dating anyone special.  Add to it all of the holiday ornaments are going up earlier every year and the need to bundle up is at an all time high. This is why Cuffing season, when couples tend to connect leading up to the holidays has become a relationship phenomenon.

Our friends at Tinder have told us use of their mobile dating app increases during Thanksgiving weekend. Last year, they reported over 2.3 million swipes in the U.S. with over 17 million matches. That’s an increase of 23% compared to non-holiday weekends. So get ready to log on and swipe big time on your favorite mobile apps including Bumble, Grindr, Tinder, Zoosk, Match, OkCupid and more.

So if the family conversation is getting on your nerves, or if you’ve eaten too much turkey, excuse yourself and go into a room and get ready for a swiping frenzy this holiday weekend. If you haven’t hopped on a plane yet, change your search to the city you’ll be spending the holiday in or activate the Passport feature on Tinder to fill up your date card.

It’s Breakup Season

Remember, this time of year is filled with emotions. It’s also breakup season (ouch). Yes, couples who look deliriously happy on Facebook are breaking up around Thanksgiving and a whole new group of amazing people are feeling like you are. Single again.

We featured David McClandess’ Facebook Breakup Chart when it first came out a few years ago, but if you look at the spike in breakups, it starts around Thanksgiving and goes until just before Christmas. This was based on relationship status changes on Facebook.

Facebook Breakup Chart

Related: Deadly Breakup Obsessions

So let your mobile phone be your BFF this holiday weekend and give yourself permission to be attached to the phone before and after dinner.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice and love quotes.

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Thanksgiving Love

Nov 21st

Thanksgiving Heart

It’s Thanksgiving week and many of you are headed to the airport or are packing your bags to visit friends, family, and loved ones.

Thanksgiving is an emotional time for many. It’s the big holiday leading up to even bigger holidays. It’s Cuffing Season, where couples are changing their relationship statuses and taking down their profiles.

The stores are filled with holiday ornaments and everyone should be filled with gratitude, right?

Often we look for things that aren’t working in our lives. We compare ourselves to others’ Facebook updates and force a cheery smile when out and about.

Maybe your career isn’t on track. Maybe your relationship is uncertain. Maybe you’re suffering from a recent breakup or can’t get over an ex. All of these feelings and more are very real. The get magnified big time at the holidays.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays of the year. There have been some Thanksgiving holidays that I wished I could have stay under the covers, but I got over it.

Still, it’s a time to pause and think about those in your life. The memories that still bring a smile to your face, the possibilities of the future, and most importantly, think about living in the present right now. As I embark on a road trip to visit my family for Thanksgiving, I thought I’d share 10 things I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving and hope that you chime in with your gratitude list as well.

10 Things I’m Grateful for This Thanksgiving

  • I’m spending it with my happily married parents.
  • I have a huge girlfriend network online and IRL, who I consider my extended family.
  • I have a boyfriend, who I adore, who gets me and is the love of my life.
  • I live in a beautiful place near the ocean in sunny California.
  • I enjoy daily walks around boats and the water and watch sunsets over the Pacific.
  • I have helped so many singles find love and have been responsible for many marriages.
  • I’m friends with many of my ex’s and we think of each other fondly.
  • I work out with an amazing trainer to keep my mind, body, and soul all in shape.
  • I’ve built a multi-media brand about dating, love, and romance.
  • I stay true to my heart and soul and always come from a genuine place of authenticity.

All in all, I’m healthy, happy, and appreciate every moment of this journey called life.

Gratitude can change your day, your moments and add more joy to your life. So grab your gratitude journal or start one day. Sneak a note into your wish pillow. Grab your mobile phone and create a list.  Know that the possibilities are endless!

What are you grateful for today?

Please take a moment and make your list. You might be surprised at the results.

On this Thanksgiving, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow me @JulieSpira on Twitter for Dating Advice

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Ghosting: The Cultural Phenomenon in Dating

Oct 30th

Ghosted

Whether you’re swiping left and right on a mobile app or meeting IRL through friends or co-workers, when it’s time to call it quits, couples are changing their relationship statuses by disappearing entirely.

Being ghosted is the coward’s way of breaking up.

Singles are finding ghosting the easy way out. Technology that connects us to find love can disconnect us in a digital split second. One day you’re talking about the future lying naked in bed with your boyfriend or girlfriend and the next day you’re blocked on social media and texts come to a complete halt. Confused by this disappearing act, you find your texts are getting ignored, your phone is blocked from receiving your calls and it appears like they’ve moved to another country or into the arms of another without the decency of a proper ending.

As technology affects all aspects of relationships, I have found myself becoming a ghosting or ghosted expert with the barrage of emails from heartbroken singles wondering what they did wrong to push someone away without the formality of a breakup conversation to get the closure they so desperately need.

According to online dating site PlentyofFish’s survey, 80% of millennials admitting to have been ghosted, or being the ghoster. The trend is rising daily among all demographics. Here are reasons why singles are ghosting big time and what to do instead.

1. You’re a Coward. Gone are the days of “post-it” breakups and even email breakups. You know it’s uncool to play Casper when it’s not Halloween, but you don’t have the guts to tell him or her it’s over. Pull up your big boy or big girl pants and do the deed in person if geography allows. You might get a slap on the face or a confrontation you’d prefer not to have, but have the convo. It might be possible to salvage your relationship through healthy communication, or end on mutual terms.

2. You’ve Met Someone Else. If you’re relationship has been on a downhill slide, you’re probably open to meeting someone else. Often there’s double-dipping involved and there could be an overlap that your new squeeze and old squeeze don’t know about. Tired of living a double-life and rather than coming clean (which means yes, did you sleep with someone else?), you ease into a new relationship and ease out of the one you were in by going MIA. If you think your relationship is over, don’t stay in it for the sex. Make a clean break in person, via phone, anything except disappearing into the arms of another, as your soon-to-be ex will see new photos on Instagram and Facebook and you can expect some nasty texts to appear on your smart phone from someone scorned and publicly humiliated.

3. You’re not Feeling It Anymore. You’ve gone through the motions, have met each others’ friends, talked about being exclusive, and then commit to being monogamous. Maybe he or she was a great kisser and your texts bordered on sexting, but once you slept together, it was plain bad. There’s more to the relationship than sex only, but if you can’t imagine seeing them again after oh so boring sex, you ghost. Not nice. People get nervous the first time they have get naked together. The pressure is on big time. Don’t make it about being incompatible in bed. That’s the worst kind of pain after your partner bears their heart, soul, and body.

Read: Ghosted for the First Time

4. You want to Play the Field. Beginnings are exciting. The first text, the first kiss, the first weekend away, yes, butterflies still exist and everyone is on good behavior. You’re having so much fun with your steady squeeze until you realize that you’re attached, when you really prefer to be single. You decide that the grass is greener when you’re attached and want to fly solo. When you’re solo, you think the grass is greener and want to be in a relationship. Meanwhile, your significant other didn’t do anything wrong. You truly like them, but the shiny new feeling wore off and there’s another cute smile flirting with you right now. What do you do? You get out of the digital handcuffs, disappear and don’t explain that you aren’t interested in spending the holidays with his or her family.

What to do if your significant other ghosts you

1. Don’t Send Repeated Texts that Get Ignored. One-way texts are humiliating and the are self-inflicted digital pain. Staring at your phone waiting for his or her reply can become obsessive. Turn your phone off and go to a movie with a friend, take a walk, do anything but press the send button on another text. If the person you were involved with doesn’t have the balls to end a relationship with a conversation, don’t stalk them online or offline to get closure. It will push them away and it will confirm their thoughts that you’re  a crazy ex.  Go no contact ASAP and text a friend or me instead of your lost lover.

Read: Is Your New Boyfriend Ghosting?

2. Give the Ghoster Space. Sometimes a person just needs a break. When someone tells you they want a break, the initial reaction is that it’s a breakup. After all “break” is the first part of the word, right? Give your Ghoster a few days to sort out their feelings, have some space to think about life without you and they may return. They don’t even think they’ve ghosted you, but you’re hurting big time. The best think you can do for yourself is stay busy with your friends while your ghosting lover is thinking it over.

3. Let him/her Go. People who ghost know it’s not the right thing to do, but everyone else is doing it and it’s become so easy, so why not follow a trend? If someone you were involved with finds you to be that disposable, give them a one-way ticket out of your life.

Ghosters have a habit of not ending it formally, because if their other options don’t work out, they want to have the opportunity to return. It’s not a love hiatus when it’s not mutual and it’s fine to call a ghoster out on their behavior. If he/she ghosts you once, you’ll get ghosted again. Don’t become that person in rotation.

4. Don’t Take it Out on The Next Person. Just because you’ve been ghosted, doesn’t mean it’s acceptable and you should ghost the next person you meet. Treat others the way you want to be treated and let’s stop all of this ghosting once and for all.

Have you been ghosted before? How did it make you feel?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online and on their mobile phones for over two decades. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

10 Songs to Rock Your Halloween

Oct 26th

Cyber-Dating Expert HalloweenAre you getting your costume ready for Halloween?

Are you getting ready for Halloween?

It’s time to put the digital DJ hat back on as we present our Top 10 Favorite Halloween Songs for you to enjoy from now through Halloween.

From Spooky to Thriller, with Witchy Woman in between, I hope you enjoy these seasonal favorites and share some of yours as well.

Enjoy!

1.Spooky – Classics IV – This song is one of my favorites, because it’s about love and romance.

2. Witchy Woman – The Eagles – The mystery of the woman in this song made it a hit for the Eagles.

3. Monster Mash – Bobby “Boris” Pickett – You might not know who the artist is, but you’ll certainly recognize the song. No Halloween party would be complete without this seasonal favorite.

4. Witch Queen of New Orleans – Redbone – Another personal favorite that I enjoyed playing on the radio. You’ll be humming Marie, Marie, da voodoo veau, she’ll put a spell on you.

5. Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jr. – The title theme from the soundtrack film will fill you with laughter on Halloween!

6.Black Magic Woman – Santana – This song by Carlos Santana will always will be an incredibly sexy and classic tune that will never go out of style.

7. I put a Spell on You – Credence Clearwater Revival (CCR) – This bluesy song is one of my favorites.

8. Frankenstein – The Edgar Winter Group – No vocals, but the title alone merits its inclusion on the list this Halloween.

9. Werewolves of London – Warren Zevon – Although he is resting in peace, the Werewolves will always be around to help us howl during Halloween and Warren continues to make us laugh from his live performance at the Capitol Theatre in New Jersey.

10.Thriller – Michael Jackson – No Halloween would be complete without the excitement of this thrilling b bestselling song from the late King of Pop.

Honorable mention: Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Do you have any other favorites to add to this list? Best wishes for a happy, spooky, fun and flirty Halloween from your friends at CyberDatingExpert.com

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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