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How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

May 16th

For those of you who think dating is a numbers or a swiping game, it goes much deeper and more personal that. We’re talking about love, big time. How to find it, how to nurture it, and how to keep it.

Dating, especially online dating or using mobile dating apps, continues to grow in popularity, but what happens when you’ve had three of four dates with someone, have had a heavy making out session, or have even gotten more intimate physically, but something just doesn’t click?

Or, what happens when you realize that you have more chemistry with your ex and playing the field didn’t work out the way you had hoped?

In these cases, rather than do a disappearing act and ghost someone, I’m here with some valuable dating advice and to tell you to pick up your big boy pants or put on your shiny lipstick and tell the person you’ve been dating the truth, instead of fading away and ignoring calls and texts. After all, you were in a relationship, regardless of how you defined it.

via GIPHY

How the convo should go when you’re not feeling it

Text exchange

Your Date: I’d love to get together again this weekend. How’s Saturday night?

You: I don’t think that will work.

Your Date: What about Friday or Sunday?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

You: This weekend’s not good. Let’s hop on a phone call, sound good?

Your Date: Sure…

Phone Call (after just a few dates) or In Person (If you’re been dating for a while)

You: I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and have had fun texting you, but I just don’t think we have enough in common for a long term relationship, and I know that’s what you’re looking for. You deserve that with someone. I just don’t think it’s me.

Your Date:  We’re just getting to know each other. We can continue to take the time to spend time together, to see where it goes. There’s no rush.

You: I think you’re terrific. I just don’t think we’re a fit and it’s best that we move on to meet others that we are both more compatible with.

Your Date: We can still date casually, right? I mean, I really like you.

You: I really like you too, but I don’t think we’re a fit. I see myself in a future with someone I’m more compatible with.  We both deserve to find someone that we’re both excited about and I wish you the best in your search.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Now, you’re probably wondering why you should go through the agony of having this conversation, when it’s easier to just “unmatch” with him or her and go MIA? But everyone deserves to know why the person they were tongue kissing with has had a change of heart.

via GIPHY

Don’t turn your soon to be ex date into a stalker, over-texter, or obsessive person looking for an answer. Closure is important and healthy for both of you, so you can move on and find someone  that wouldn’t result in having this chat.

Don’t stalk your ex’s social media pages, as it will be harder for you to move on.

via GIPHY

Love takes time and if you’re not feeling it after a few dates, it’s fine to say you’d like to be friends, but most people don’t really mean it. It’s a sugar coated excuse for a breakup, something everyone deserves with dignity when you don’t ride into the sunset together.

Compatibility, chemistry, compassion, communication and closure are my five C’s for finding love in digital age.

RELATED: When it’s OK to Break Up in a Text

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Mother’s Day Quotes to Warm Your Heart

May 14th

Mother's Day QuoteIt’s Mother’s Day and time to celebrate the moms, stepmoms, female mentors, aunts, grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers for all they do to create love and a happy family.

If you’re lucky to be spending Mother’s Day with friends and family, you are truly blessed. For those who are alone, this quotes will inspire you.

Many of you will be missing your mothers this weekend, if not every day.

Others will want to know what to do if you’re dating a single or divorced mom.

Related: Over 1/2 of Female Online Daters are Single Moms

10 Mother’s Day Quotes to Honor all Moms in Your Life

Mother's Day Quotes

“There is nothing as sincere as a mother’s kiss.” ~Saleem Sharma

Mother's Day Quote

“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” ~Abraham Lincoln

 

Mother's Day quotes

“Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs, since the payment is pure love.”~Mildred Vermont

Mother's Day Quotes

“But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because yours is where hers begins.”~Mitch Albom

Mother's Day Quotes

“I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me.” ~Antonio Villaraigosa

Mother's Day Quotes

“I can imagine no greater heroism than motherhood.” ~Lance Conrad

Mother's Day Quotes

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” ~Unknown

Mother's Day Quotes

“No gift to your mother can ever equal her gift to you – Life.” ~Anonymous

Mother's Day Quotes
 

“Mothers possess a power of beyond that of a king on his throne.” ~Mabel Hale

Wishing everyone on Mother’s Day much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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Lawyers are the Most Desirable Jobs for Singles on Happn App

May 9th

Happn Jobs
Thinking of going to law school? If love is on your mind, your odds of finding a date by joining a non-drinking bar are at the top of the list.

A survey from mobile dating app Happn analyzed 2.9 million users in the United States between April 1-11, 2017. They found that singles matched, or “crushed” with dating profiles of lawyers most often.

RELATED: Top 10 Mobile Dating Apps

Highest Ranking Matches Per Job Category

For both men and women, the desire to date an attorney ranked as number one in the top five list.

Other sexy professions of guys include being an Analyst, Engineer, Salesman, or Doctor. Happn’s list of the 5 most crushed women also include Designer, Teacher, Marketer, and Physician.

This list is a bit different from Tinder’s most popular jobs that received right swipes, where being a lawyer ranked lower at #11 for men, and didn’t appear on the list of most right swipes of women. Instead, being a Pilot ranked as the top spot for men, while being a Physical Therapist received the most right swipes on women’s profiles.

RELATED: These Jobs Will Get You the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

Tinder Jobs

Tinder’s Most Swiped Jobs Differed from Happn’s

According to Tinder, below being a Pilot, if you’re a  Founder/Entrepreneur, or Firefighter, you’re in the top 3 careers that will get more right swipes on male profiles. We get it. A Pilot can be sexy, but he won’t be around much. A Founder/Entrepreneur might be creative with a big bank balance, or at least some stock options, so he’s got long-term potential. A Firefighter or Doctor will save lives and can become your own personal hero. In short, women loved a man in a uniform.

As for the women, being a Physical Therapist tops the list as men are imagining her personal touch, somewhere, somehow, or anywhere. An Interior Designer was a bit surprising at number 2, but there’s something intimate about decorating a bedroom with candles and more. As far as number 3 is concerned, it’s enlightening to know that a man is interested in both beauty and brains, so kudos to those who want to date a smart and confident woman. Perhaps they’ll remember to leave the Board Room out of the bedroom.

Taking it a step further, Mashable released a list of most swiped jobs city-by-city to show there’s not a one-size-swipes all best job across the country.

For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

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Online Dating: Star Wars Fans Get More Dates

May 4th

Star Wars Day

If you’re single and are a “Star Wars” fan, we’ve got good news for you.

Our friends at PlentyofFish analyzed over 13 million profiles of their online dating users in the United States, and found that those who list “Star Wars” as an interest on their profiles are 61% more likely to leave the site in a relationship than non-fans.

In honor of Star Wars Day, POF lists the top 10 cities to date a Star Wars Fan.

  1. Los Angeles
  2. San Antonio
  3. San Diego
  4. Las Vegas
  5. Orlando
  6. Houston
  7. Phoenix
  8. Jacksonville
  9. Colorado Springs
  10. Chicago

So what exactly is Star Wars Day?

ABC News reported that “the pun was first used back in 1979, with Britain’s Conservative Party congratulating Margaret Thatcher in print for taking the prime minister post that day.

Canada’s Globe and Mail newspaper, claims the first organized “Star Wars” event on May 4 took place in 2011 at the Toronto Underground Cinema.

What Should Single Star Wars Fans Do?

If you’re single and dating online or on mobile dating apps, make sure to list that you’re a Star Wars fan in your favorites, as other singles just might be searching for someone just like you. Take it a step further and post something fun on Facebook or Instagram.

For those of you who live in cities not listed in the top 10, don’t fret. You can change your zipcode as many couples have moved for love.

One of our featured couples on Facebook Love Stories, Sophie and Trevor, actually met in a Facebook fan group for Star Wars. He lived in the U.S. and she lived in the U.K. and now they are happily married, with thanks to Star Wars.

Happy Star Wars Day and May the 4th be with you, wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice

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These Words Will Add Humor to Your Dating Profile

Apr 20th

After writing thousands of online dating profiles over the course of 23 years, as an online dating expert and coach, I’ve seen first-hand what makes a profile different and why people respond to some over others.

While most single men and women say they are looking for someone with a sense of humor, it’s on the list of clichés in a dating profile.

So how do you make your potential date laugh, respond to you, and show your sense of humor? There’s a fine line between being silly and goofy and looking like a complete clown.

Our friends at  Zoosk, polled a group of their members to find out EXACTLY which words got the most responses in the humor category. The published their findings on their dating advice blog, The Date Mix.

RELATED: Top Online Dating Profile Words in the U.S.

So laugh a little, say ha ha, add an LOL and add a hilarious photo with a caption if you’d like to show off your witty side. You don’t need to be a comedian if you have this cheat sheet handy.

Zoosk Humor Infographic

So if you see something funny in someone’s profile, let them know it’s hilarious. If you can find a funny photo or add a joke to your message, this survey says you’ll 50% more messages! That’s worth more than just laughing about.

So add an emoticon, talk about your witty side and promise to laugh at their jokes.

For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” in social media.

 

 

 

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