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Online dating is the easiest way to fill your date card, with almost 40% of couples who say they’ve met online.

With the opportunity to meet so many new people, when you don’t have friends in common, how can you make sure that you’ll be dating safely?

On People, I weighed in with several tips on dating safety. Here’s a short excerpt. To read the full article, click here. 

How do you know a potential date is real? 

“I think one of the first red flags is about the photo,” Spira says. “If there are no photos, it’s a red flag. If there is only one photo, and they look like a hot model, it’s a red flag.”

In the “predate phase,” Spira tells her clients to use Facebook and Instagram accounts to find mutual friends.

If there are friends and followers in common, “You can then ask your friend if they really know this person to get a digital thumbs up or down before actually accepting a date,” Spira says.

What If They Won’t Meet IRL?

“The point of dating online is actually meeting in person,” Spira says. “It’s not to have a digital pen pal. So, if somebody is canceling or postponing and not making plans to meet IRL, it’s a real problem.”

Where Should You Meet For a First Date?

When it comes to scheduling a first date, you should always meet in a public place. Let a friend know who you’re meeting, and exactly when and where. If you feel uncomfortable for any reason, get up and leave.

There’s nothing more important than being safe on a date, and all of us in the dating industry take safety seriously. If you feel unsafe for any reason, it’s easy to report the person’s profile to the dating app.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we put safety first. You can read our other safety articles here:

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice, and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

It doesn’t have to be Halloween for the ghosts to come out on dating apps.

Ghosting, which started as the unpleasant phenomenon on how badly behaved singles broke up without warning, has turned into an epidemic. It’s now the norm, and many make the unilateral decision on how they end a relationship by leaving the “ghostee” without closure.

Regardless of how much chemistry you had while texting, chatting, or even dating IRL, ghosting has hit home for most singles.

A survey from Dating.com showed that 75% of single daters admitted to ghosting someone they were casually dating, with almost everyone (92%) saying they’ve been ghosted. Ouch.

Our friends at PlentyofFish reported a similar statistic, with 80% of Millennials who said they were on the receiving end of being ghosted.

It’s one of the most popular questions asked in our Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column.

RELATED: GHOSTING: THE CULTURAL PHENOMENON IN DATING 

Why Do People Ghost? 

According to Dating.com, more than half of singles (63%) admitted they ghosted someone they were dating because they just lost interest in them, while the majority (88%) felt it was easier to ghost someone and disappear than deal with a potentially angry confrontation.

There’s no doubt that ghosting someone is the coward’s way out of a relationship that was about to get to the next step or even a second date.

The problem is, if you’ve met online, chances are you could get matched again, or since you still have their digits, you might reach out to try and get closure.

Texting and calling the ghoster is a huge mistake because if the person wanted to let you know they’ve met someone else, or didn’t see the relationship moving forward, they’d have the guts and courage to call it quits and have the conversation to say it’s over.

RELATED: CONFUSED, IS HE GHOSTING?

How Do you Break Up With Someone Without Ghosting?

If you’ve met on a dating app, unless the person fell in love with someone else they were dating at the same time, your digital paths could easily cross again. For this reason, I strongly recommend pulling your big boy pants up or grab your favorite date dress and schedule a call or date to meet up.

If you’ve been pulling away and texting less, chances are the person you’ve been dating will know that something’s up and could expect a breakup.

My best dating advice in this scenario is as follows:

1. Schedule a date to meet in person if possible, or a time to talk on the phone. 
2. Let the person you’ve been sending texts to every morning and night know you’ve enjoyed getting to know them, and especially enjoyed the picnic you had on the beach, or another memorable date. Then pause.
3. Let them know you’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with if finding a serious relationship is your goal. OR
4. Let them know you’re only interested in a casual relationship and want to date multiple people, if that’s what you desire.

RELATED: HOW TO  TELL YOU’RE DATE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED WITHOUT GHOSTING

If you’re the one who’s been ghosted, I shared some tips with Elite Daily, including “Remember that the person you’re chatting with is most likely messaging with a dozen or more others, in between swiping to match with another bunch of fresh faces to add the queue.” In other words, patience sometimes is a virtue, and until you define the relationship, know that you might be in rotation, until you’re official and take down your profiles.

So swipe left the next time you see that ghosting fool, because know within your heart that you’re too good to be “Caspered.”

Wishing you much love and joy on Halloween, wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice, and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

As part of online safety week, Online Dating Expert Julie Spira sat down with Vanessa Borge on Good Day LA to teach singles how to date safely online.

With over 50 million singles using mobile dating apps and looking for love online, a question that is always asked is, “How safe is online dating?”

When the FBI reports 18,000 plus cases of problems, should you be concerned?

As a guest on Good Day LA, I explained that every issue and report is a concern, and all of us in the dating industry take dating safety seriously.

RELATED: How to Spot a Fake Dating Profile

In fact, a new research study from Stanford and the University of New Mexico showed that almost 40% of couples met online, which is double the amount of couples who met through friends at 20%, and significantly higher than couples who met in a bar, at 6%.

So what are the best safety tips?

Don’t leave the dating app quickly to communicate, as it’s safer and easier to track conversations.

Use my Digital Thumbs Up or Down Rule – Check your date’s social media profiles to see if you have friends in common.

You’re only as good as your worst photo. Red flags include a profile without a photo, or one where the photos look too good to be true, like a model or someone standing in front of a fancy car.

Don’t give personal information about where you work and live in case the date goes south.

Report any suspicious profiles to the dating apps.

Open your heart, but don’t open your wallet.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years.

For more information on Julie’s Irresistible Profiles, click here.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Social Media

Say goodbye to hookups and hello to meaningful relationships.

Every year, Match conducts an in-depth study of singles on their views on dating, love, sex, and more.

In the 9th annual Singles in America study, Match revealed four main types of modern relationships singles are seeking. On the top of the list is a partner to do things with (69%), followed by a long-term companion (60%), romantic love (57%) and a sex partner ranking at the bottom of the list at 43%. In fact, only 9% of the singles surveyed want to date casually.

Pay Attention to the Profile

While it wasn’t that long ago that singles were swiping right on just about every profile to play the numbers game, the study shows that singles are now swiping left on casual dating, meaning they’re taking time actually to review a profile before deciding to match. Isn’t that refreshing not to be judged solely based on your thumbnail photo?  I think so.

When it comes to romantic love, 57% of singles in the survey desire it very much, but just aren’t putting in the effort. Yes, you do need an Irresistible dating profile and need to move the conversation from online to meeting IRL.

Match enlisted the help of Rebel Wilson to talk about their latest survey.

Dating Deal-Breakers

Since singles typically make lists to attract their perfect match, it makes sense that they have a list of deal-breakers in tow to sift out those who aren’t a fit. In this study, the top deal-breakers include:

• Poor hygiene
• Disheveled or unclean appearance
• Laziness
• Someone without a sense of humor
• An emotional, needy person

So grab a dose of confidence, get a blow dry or take time to shave, and find something witty to talk about that doesn’t include sharing a list of your bad dates, and you’ll be on track to finding a great relationship.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 25 years.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira and SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Guess what?

Research shows the majority of singles aren’t relying on friends and family to fix them up anymore.

Online Dating is the Most Popular Way to Meet

A new study shows a rapid increase of couples meeting online, to the tune of double the amount than meeting through friends.

Researchers, Michael Rosenfeld and Sonia Hausen from Stanford University and Reuben J. Thomas, of the University of New Mexico, have published their findings in a research note called, Disintermediating your friends. 

What they found is that for the very first time in the United States, is that online dating is the most popular way for heterosexual couples to meet.

The intersection of the two occurred in 2009. In the latest study released on July 15, 2019, it showed that close to 40% of singles met online in 2017, as compared to 20% who met through friends. Additionally, 11% of the couples surveyed met through co-workers, with 7% through family members.

On BBC Radio 5 Live, I spoke with presenter Sarah Brett, about this research study and the upward trend of digital dating

The simple question of, ‘How did you meet?’ was asked of 3,510 couples, with close to 40% saying they met online.

The reason for this considerable spike is everyone is attached to their mobile phones, and dating apps are so easy to use these days. Using dating apps cuts out the extra time of having a middle person like mom, dad, or your BFF wait for a reply from a friend-of-a-friend to introduce you to.

It puts fate into your own hands as you swipe left and right in search of finding your perfect match.

To those naysayers who still believe dating is the same as in 1995, where only 5% of couples met online, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and create the most irresistible profile you can. I have a feeling I can help you in your quest.

Your next relationship is just a swipe away.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. As an early adopter of the Internet, she’s been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira for Dating Advice

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