It’s Thanksgiving week and many of you are headed to the airport or are packing your bags to visit friends, family, and loved ones.
Thanksgiving is an emotional time for many. It’s the big holiday leading up to even bigger holidays. The stores are filled with holiday ornaments and often we look for things that aren’t working in our lives.
Maybe your career isn’t on track. Maybe your relationship is uncertain. Maybe you’re suffering from a recent breakup or can’t get over an ex. All of these feelings and more are very real.
However, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays of the year. There have been some Thanksgiving holidays that I wished I could stay under the covers. Yes, even the most positive person, myself, has had a few Thanksgivings that I’d like to forget.
Still, it’s a time to pause and think about those in your life. The memories that still bring a smile to your face, the possibilities of the future, and most importantly, think about living in the present right now. As I embark on a road trip to visit my family for Thanksgiving, I thought I’d share 12 things I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving and hope that you chime in with your gratitude list as well.
12 Things I’m Grateful for This Thanksgiving
- I’m spending it with my happily married parents.
- I have a huge girlfriend network online and IRL, who I consider my extended family.
- I have a boyfriend, who I adore, who gets me and is the love of my life.
- I live in a beautiful place; Silicon Beach near the Pacific in sunny California.
- I enjoy daily walks around boats and water and watch sunsets over the Pacific.
- I have helped so many singles find love and have been responsible for many marriages.
- I’m friends with many of my ex’s and we think of each other fondly.
- I work out with an amazing trainer to keep my mind, body, and soul all in shape.
- I’m building a multi-media empire about dating, love, and romance.
- Cyber-Dating Expert has become a top online dating advice site in the world!
- I’m getting ready to release the audio book version of my first book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and have an amazing producer!
- I stay true to my heart and true to my soul and always come from a genuine place of authenticity.
All in all, I’m healthy, happy, and live in the moment to make each moment special. That, my friends is a priceless feeling.
Gratitude can change your day, your moments and add more joy to your life. So grab your gratitude journal or start one day. Sneak a note into your wish pillow. Create a vision board for your life. Know that the possibilities are endless!
What are you grateful for today?
Please take a moment and make your list. You might be surprised at the results.
On this Thanksgiving, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for Dating Advice
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Meet Courtney and Jeremy our featured Cyber Love Story couple who found love on eHarmony. They recently got married in a fairytale wedding, followed by a romantic honeymoon in the Caribbean. It was Courtney’s goal to find someone special to marry and I promised her, she’d find the love of her life. I couldn’t be happier with her romantic journey.
Here are Courtney’s words.
I met Jeremy three months into my 6-month subscription on eHarmony. He recently told me that we had been matched with each other months before we went out and that he was this close to deleting all his current matches when he saw my picture. We had only emailed a few times about dates to meet up for a drink so I didn’t know much about him. I actually couldn’t remember if his name was Jeremy or Jason so I did a panicked email search before he arrived. Thankfully I got his name just before he came through the door at the downtown bar/restaurant I picked.
We ended up talking for a good two hours and he walked with me while we looked for a taxi. It was a great first date- the best first date I had been on in a long time, probably ever. I was cautiously optimistic because he was hard to read. The next day while telling two close friends how funny and good looking he was, I went to check my email and there was a funny message from him! I was thrilled. I might have done a little happy dance.
We met for dinner and then drinks the next week and I went home to LA for a week-long visit the next day. He emailed me mid-week and we immediately made plans to see each other when I returned. From that point on we started dating regularly and finally months later, we started introducing each other to our friends.
It was slow and steady and looking back it was perfect. I’m very emotional and dramatic while Jeremy is more quiet and analytical. He brings out my more practical side and I am constantly laughing at his dry humor. I think we are a perfect match.
Last month we got married after a six-month engagement. The engagement was the only part of our relationship that went quickly! Now we are getting ready to spend our first holiday season together. For the last two years I’ve gone to LA and he’s gone to his parents’ home in New Jersey. Next week we will celebrate our first Thanksgiving together with his family (our puggle Wallis is coming with us to New Jersey) and then we’re spending Christmas week in New York with my parents, brother and sister in-law, and their new baby girl- our first niece!
Thank you Julie for your wisdom and advice. I would not be marrying this wonderful guy if I didn’t follow your Playbook!
Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Breaking up on Facebook isn’t a piece of digital cake. The amount digital housekeeping and detoxing from your ex can be overwhelming. Add on top of it, your friends who have watched your courtship dissolve as you changed your status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” may have a lot to say about it.
I’ve always said the most powerful status on Facebook is the relationship status. Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site. Couples find love on Facebook and many have been featured in Facebook Love Stories.
People are obsessed with when their friends change their status. They love to cheer you on when you post photos of your romantic journey together.
Since our fascination with the Facebook relationship status will never wane, I was thrilled to see that Facebook just announced a new tool that will help ease the digital pain during a breakup. You no longer have to cut the cord and unfriend or block your ex when it’s time to split up. After all, some people just have a bump on the road and get back together again, so why obliterate your ex completely, especially if it’s just temporary?
According to the Facebook blog, these new Facebook tools allow you to see less of your former flame, by preventing his or her status updates and posts to appear in your feed and help you easily untag yourself from photos of the two of you together.
“.. we are testing tools to help people manage how they interact with their former partners on Facebook after a relationship has ended. When people change their relationship status to indicate they are no longer in a relationship, they will be prompted to try these tools.”
I think these are terrific features, as I know many people instantly block their ex, without the ex even knowing so, and then back-peddle and send a new friend request, out of embarrassment, once they’ve kissed and made up.
The thing is, do we really need to see what our ex is doing, especially if they are in the arms of another man or woman? How can one move on if they don’t digitally detox from their ex on Facebook?
This interim feature is one that I highly recommend and it’s started to roll out on the mobile app. Sure you might hate your ex right away, but if they were important in your life, at some point you and your ex might be able to be friends if both of you have happily moved on with others.
Should You Be Friends with an Ex on Facebook?
I don’t believe in being friends with an ex on Facebook, at least not right away. When a former boyfriend blocked me and unfriended me when we went our separate ways, I thought it was quick and cruel. I did understand that he was trying to heal and that seeing photos of me and us together prevented him from moving on. I actually didn’t really want to see details of his dating life either. We had the talk about what to do on Facebook and mutually decided it was the best way to go. Then one day, he went onto his Facebook page and untagged himself from every photo we had appeared in together and deleted every photo, including group photos. The process took him hours to complete.
Had this Facebook breakup feature been in place, it would have saved him and many others the long arduous and painful task of removing the past on the world’s largest social network.
Still, for someone with a failed relationship, when they post that they’re no longer in a relationship on Facebook, their friends instantly jump in and want to know why. They’ll get a bunch of digital sympathy, but when you’re in pain, it can sting both online and offline.
My question to you is, would you use Facebook’s breakup tools or just let the digital chips land where they may?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the creator of FacebookLoveStories.com and helps singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs and Online Dating BootCamps. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
He’s wondering what’s wrong with him, why women aren’t interested in marriage anymore, and if there’s something wrong with his profile. He’s a member of three online dating sites, Match, PlentyofFish, and OkCupid.
On the spot, he signed up for The Flirt dating profile critique and I quickly analyzed his Match profile.
The interesting thing is, he was worried that his photos were bad. They really weren’t great, but the most surprising issue is, he’s a great catch and says he NEEDS to be married. When I questioned him as to why he wanted to get married and how long he had been divorced, he corrected me and said, he NEEDED to get married to survive. Without marriage, he couldn’t go on living. He had only been divorced for 6-months.
This great guy was in so much pain. I knew I needed to help him and build up his self-esteem and that one hour wouldn’t be enough. I also knew that I needed to manage his expectations and that there were plenty of women out there who would love to be married. He just hadn’t found them yet.
So why weren’t women writing back to him?
1. His profile photos were awful. He was a good looking guy and the primary photo was so dark, you could hardly see his sweet face. He couldn’t afford a photographer and we had to work with what he had, at least for the time being.
What did we do?
I reviewed all of his photos and instantly lightened them up, cropped some of the photos so the focus was on him, and changed the order of the photos. I deleted the photo of him playing the guitar as he looked sad and his photo showed only half of his body and a dog in the center of the photo. The dog looked so sad, that all I could see and feel was a man probably playing a country music song to the tune of “Twang, twang, she broke my heart.”
That shot had to go, period. A woman wants to see a confident happy man that she can share her life with. The dog didn’t need center stage. In fact, a woman might think the dog sleeps in bed with her. All of the photos were captioned as they had been taken this year, so the women would know there was truth-in-advertising on his profile.
You see this guy is a pilot. Pilots, like firemen, are really sexy to women. When a photo showed more of the runway that him by the plane, it had to be cropped as well.
2. His bio was filled with too many questions that he required a woman to answer. I love it when someone asks a question in an Internet or mobile dating profile. It immediately triggers the action for someone to respond. However asking four direct questions made it look like he was in a deposition or job interview. It would be too much work for women to reply, so they just moved on to another email.
What did we do?
I deleted three of the direct questions which came close to begging a woman to be his girlfriend, took out the small talk and made sure there were specific descriptions of things he was passionate about.
3. His About Me Section Was Sloppy. On dating sites, it already lists your age, and on Match it states the age range you’re looking for.
His profile started with: I’m a male, 53, professional pilot, seeking a female for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles. Are you the one that cares to go on that walk on the beach with me? My favorite season is summer and I would like to bring my dog Shiloh. Sound fun? Barbeque sandwich for me. Do you care for red cake?
What did we do?
I deleted his first sentence as it was redundant and mirrored the headline of his profile. It was obvious that he was a male. His age was already listed and by repeating that he was looking for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles, it not only had been stated, but it looked like he was a guy with strict requirements. It couldn’t have been further than the truth.
Instead his new profile starts off with, “I’m a professional pilot.” It was intriguing enough to allow a woman to desire to continue reading the rest of the profile.
4. He only wrote to 5 women a day. When he told me that no one wrote back, it wasn’t entirely true. He actually received one reply to five emails that he’d sent out. That’s actually not a bad statistic. When I explained to him that typically only one out of ten emails are responded to, and he was ahead of the game, he was shocked.
What did we do?
I gave him the homework assignment of writing to ten women a day instead of five. This way he would get double the response than he did beforehand. I explained that online dating is a numbers game. He needed to treat it like he was looking for a dream job, only he was looking for a wife.
This wonderful sweet kind successful 53-year old pilot is a great catch. He wants to get married, is taller than average at 6’5,” and will be the most loyal and wonderful husband to a lucky woman who has the same desires as he does. So ladies, don’t think there aren’t marriage-minded men out there.
I have hope for this man, but reminded him that patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
In version 4.7.0, users can now add the school they attended as well as where they work, which will both add more authenticity to your profile, as well as give a few ice breakers for those to decide whether to swipe right or left and start a conversation if you match.
While many social networks such as Facebook allow you to list the school you attended to attract other alumni, and the name of your employer, Tinder is following in their digital footsteps to help you find a date.
Still on the shy side? You can use their editing and privacy features to decide whether you want your school and employer to appear on your profile.
These days, more singles want to know you’re for real. Finding out which friends you have in common and seeing a mobile dating profile that mirrors some of your Linkedin profile features, can make a woman feel safer about swiping right. With their latest algorithm updates, the new ‘Super Like’ feature, and more, Tinder is reaching singles with a variety of dating goals. Say goodbye to hookups only and ‘Tinder Moments’ and say hello to your friends-of-friends, co-workers, and classmates.
Tinder also highlights your new matches at the top of the screen with a circle with their photos and their names. This new interface, instead of just a horizontal list is actually a great look and you can easily see who has ‘Super Liked’ you and who you’ve matched with to start a new convo.
In an interview with Business Insider, Sean Rad, CEO of Tinder says, “This update is part of a wider push by Tinder to give you more relevant information about someone before you decide to swipe left or right.”
To add your school and job to your Tinder profile here are the steps.
- Go to the app store and update to the latest version of Tinder
- Click on View Profile and Edit Info.
- Under your bio, you’ll see Current Work and School. This has been pulled from Facebook. You can freely delete one or the other. Maybe you won’t mind telling what school you attended, but don’t want a Tinder date showing up on your doorstep at work.
P.S. You can connect your Instagram profile to Tinder, but if you’ve got a bunch of photos in the arms of another man or woman, you might not want to utilize that feature.
Are you enjoying the new features of Tinder?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and was recently featured in the Vice Documentary, The Mobile Love Industry, along with Tinder CEO Sean Rad. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.