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How Do You Use Tinder? Julie Spira on KPCC

Aug 13th

TinderThe article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.

The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.

RELATED: Swipe Regret? There’s Help for Men

From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.

As a guest on  AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.

RELATED: Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance

To listen to the rebroadcast, click here

Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

RELATED: Why Tinder and Mobile Apps are So Hot

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Julie Spira Speaks to Abby Huntsman on Siriux-XM Radio

Aug 7th

Julie Spira - Abby Huntsman

It was an honor and joy to be a guest on Siriux-XM with Abby Huntsman talking about online dating, mobile dating, finding love on Facebook, Tinder dating, Match, eHarmony and more. Abby was the guest host on “Get it Right with Margaret Hoover”and we jumped into a great segment on finding love online.

I shared stories of the early days of online dating before there were dating sites like Match and eHarmony, as well as tips for dating on the hot mobile app, Tinder.

Abby shared how she met her husband, someone she knew of in college who “poked” her on Facebook and I shared one of the most hilarious dates ever in this radio segment.

From spotting red flags, selecting the best photos, to answering questions such as why are men so direct in stating their intentions on a date and how to respond to this conversation, listen to our fun interview below.

A few tips included:

  • Check out your date’s Facebook page to see his or her relationship status and whom they might be tagged with in photos.  Abby called it stalking. I called it dating due-diligence.
  • Find friends in common and check in with them to see if they’ll give you a thumbs up or thumbs down on your date.
  • Be wary of photos that look too good to be true. If they’re posting pics in front of a Ferrari, it might be someone else’s car.
  • If your date never calls at night and calls always go to voicemail, they might be in a relationship.
  • Post 3-5 photos and have a friend take 100 pictures. Have a photo party to select the best photos.

So click on the link below to learn all of the Dos and Don’ts for dating in the digital age and to hear EXACTLY why online dating lost it’s stigma.

At the end of the digital day, online dating provides a huge opportunity to find your soulmate.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right programs. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance?

Aug 6th

Mobile PhoneIn the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.

In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.

The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.

READ: Swipe Regret on Tinder?

We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.

Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.

The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.

As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.

If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”

So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.

We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.

Read: Why Mobile Dating Apps and Tinder are So Hot

So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.

I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.

It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.

To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo

Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

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7 Tips for National Romance Month

Aug 3rd

National Romance MonthDid you know that the entire month of August is “National Romance Awareness Month?”

National Romance Awareness Month gives you the opportunity and excuse to jump out of your rut and your comfort zone and think about how you can add more romance to your life, regardless of your relationship status.

Although romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in hot steamy month of August,  romance does gets an extra boost.

To celebrate this month, try doing some extra romantic things for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long.

Here are seven tips to ramp up the romance in your life, with or while your looking for a romantic partner.

Cyber Love
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that it’s one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily to your online dating site, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.

Digital Foreplay

I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.

Read: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Leave a Love Note

There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.

Smile and be Confident

Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.

First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance

Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.

Schedule Date Nights

If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.

Read: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

Take that Beach Walk

Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.

What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

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Julie Spira on the Boris and Nicole TV Show – Online Dating

Jul 31st

Julie Spira - Boris and Nicole

It was fun being on the Boris and Nicole show talking about the popularity of online dating and mobile dating apps. Nicole was talking about how difficult it was for her single friends looking for love online, and Boris was talking about being “Tenderized.”

Watch the video clip below and to view the full episode, click here.

Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right dating coaching programs will help you find your dream date.

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