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He Won’t Call me His Girlfriend – Should We Break Up?

Oct 17th

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertDear Julie,

I just read your article on online. It’s called 12 Reasons why he won’t call you his girlfriend.

I have been dating a guy for almost 8 months and he doesn’t want to call me his girlfriend. He got out of divorce 2 years ago and it was really bad for him emotionally and financially and he doesn’t want to be pressured.

I told him I just want to be labeled as his girlfriend, not asking for a marriage. He dated a lot of girls and he didn’t go through this emotional issue until he met me. I went thru divorce 15 years ago and finally ready for a real relationship.

What should I do? He tells me I’m important to him and he does treats me well.. I’m about to end the relationship.

Elle

RELATED: Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Dear Elle

I haven’t met you or your boyfriend, so I can’t say for sure what he’s thinking as it relates to your relationship. It’s clear you are at two different points in the relationship cycle. His divorce is still fresh. For men, adding a label does mean he’s all ten toes in and could be committed for life. If he acts like your boyfriend, isn’t seeing anyone else, is loyal and devoted to you, and makes you a priority, you can let it slide. The period from 6-12 months is when a man will decide on his own what label he wants to use to define your relationship. If he says you’re important to him, then believe him. If you think you’re just a transition person, let him know that you don’t think the two of you want the same type of relationship and although he’s important to you, you need to move on.

Let him know IF he changes his mind AND you’re still available, you’d be open to a more serious relationship. Keep me posted and good luck.

Dear Julie,

Well, I broke up with him….because I didn’t understand why he was all afraid of his ex finding out his current relationship. He said he just doesn’t want her to know his life, blah blah blah. I didn’t like his response and I broke up with him via text! I know I’m terrible but he has broken up via text with me before so I don’t feel too bad. I still like him but I wanted to respect my wishes. He has yet to text back. It’s been 6 days..

He also said we are more like a “friend with benefits” because he just doesn’t want a GF because he’s afraid so…. There you go.

RELATED: How to Go From Friends With Benefits to Being in Love

Dear Elle,

You did the right thing. Any man who hates labels then suddenly labels you as a FWB and says he doesn’t want a girlfriend doesn’t deserve someone special like you.

Know that there are great men out there who want exactly what you want. Congratulations on being strong and ignore any text that comes your way.

Guys like to know they can get you back, even if they can’t provide what you’re looking for, which is what was pretty much said to you. I’m sorry you went through this, but better eight months than wasting eight years.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/Contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. As an early adopter of online dating, she’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

For dating advice, SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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14 Ways to Date and Flirt on Instagram

Oct 11th

Instagram heart

Are you flirting up a storm on Instagram?

Do you think finding love online means only swiping right on Tinder, Bumble or mobile apps?

Is your online dating profile a bit stale and your inbox on the empty side?

As a dating coach, I”m here to teach you how to flirt and find a date on social media, especially on Instagram.

1. Make sure your Instagram profile is public so people can follow you.

You’d be surprised how gun-shy some singles are about Instagram. They may post the most adorable selfies, but have their settings set to private, so unless you’re already connected as friends, you won’t be able to view or like their posts. If you’re single, toss out that fear of being in the public eye. It’s time to make your profile private and become strategic about what you post and who you decide to follow.

2. State in your bio that you’re single.

Being single isn’t a disease. It’s just the relationship status you have at the moment. Often there’s a digital crush who might think you’re taken, even if he or she sees a photo in the arms of your favorite cousin. By stating you’re single, you’ve just opened the love floodgates to millions of potential dates. Get ready for the ride!

RELATED: DATING IN AN INSTAGRAM WORLD

3. Follow back interesting people you think you’d like to date or at least be friends with.

If your follower count is starting to rise, don’t just look at the number. Instead look at who your latest follower is and if they seem interesting at all, follow them back. If they start posting creepy updates, you can always unfollow, or even block them if necessary.

4. Start “liking” their posts, slowly, so you won’t appear like a stalker.

Some singles like to use social media sites in a voyeuristic way. You peek, but you don’t click the like button. You never comment. You don’t even post, but you’re busy watching your followers’ feeds. It’s time to ramp up the flirting and take the digital plunge. Start slowly by liking someone’s posts, but don’t instantly like EVERYTHING this new crush posts or you may come across as needy, creepy, or even as a stalker!

5. Like your crush’s selfies.

Instagram is the perfect home for dating in a selfie world. The reason people post selfies is, well, because they want others to “like” or comment on how great they look or how cool they are. If your crush is looking for attention, don’t be shy. It’s time to click the like button, so you can show up in their feed and get on their digital radar.

6. Post to Instagram Stories

It’s no secret that the ‘Stories’ features which appear at the top of your Instagram feed get the most action. Caption your photos, add a video for more engagement and you’ll rank higher on the dating totem pole than solely posting updates.

7. Start commenting on their posts and add the heart emoticon.

Social networking works best when you remember to stay sociable. Slowly start commenting on his or her posts, but not all of them. If you see they are starting to comment on your posts, add in a heart emoticon to show you might want to be more than just friends.

8. Start using hashtags of #single #singlelife #love #relationships #dating so others can follow you.

Nothing’s a bigger turnoff than going on a digital campaign for someone who isn’t available. When you’re single, let your followers subtly know by using hashtags that define your relationship status. It’s bold, but not as needy as saying, “hey, I’m dateless this weekend and am bummed out about it.”

9. Post romantic quotes about love.

Feeling the love? Show it in your quotes. We post quotes with lyrics from love songs on Instagram, romantic quotes, and create some of our own to show we’re interested in love, big time. So should you.

10. Start searching for others with similar hashtags and start following them.

Being single is better when you’re in similar company. Do a search on Instagram for hashtags of other singles to see who’s feeling like they might want to couple up this ‘Cuffing Season.’

RELATED: YOUR GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON – GET READY TO COUPLE UP

11. Reply to comments on your posts from someone you could have a crush on.

So you’re in a groove on Instagram and your crush is commenting on your updates and selfies. Now’s not the time to back peddle and get shy. Click the heart button to his or her comments and reply back with an emoticon or xo.

12. Become a Tindstagrammer and Start Direct Messaging.

Once you’ve developed an online rapport, it’s time to start those private chats. In an article on Mashable, writer Rachel Thompson claims that Instagram is the new Tinder – whether you want it to be or not. In addition, if the object of your digital affection ignored you or swiped left on Bumble or Tinder, now they have a public chance to write to you on Instagram. It can be viewed as tenacious or creepy, so if you don’t get a response, hold back from bombarding someone in Insta in multiple DMs.

13. Post Videos

Whether you’re at a concert or the farmer’s market, views to videos just get viewed more often on Facebook and Instagram. Better yet, share it to your Stories and let your crush hear your voice.

14. Swap Digits So You Can Meet IRL.

At the end of this love campaign, if you and your crush are in a groove on Instagram, it’s time to take the plunge and send a DM with your phone number to text each other and make plans to meet in person. After all, you won’t really know if you have offline chemistry until you meet IRL.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the Digital Matchmaker who’s been coaching singles online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter

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Your Guide to Cuffing Season – Get Ready to Couple Up

Oct 5th

via GIPHY

Hello Cuffing Season

In case you haven’t heard of ‘Cuffing Season,’ it’s the time of the year, usually from November 1st to February 15th when the weather is cooler, and when couples decide to become exclusive and find a significant other for the big holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day.

These days, during the first week in October when the weather changes, summer romances have faded, kids are back in school, the leaves start falling, and Halloween costumes appear in the stores, is a time where the desire to couple up starts to appear and continues to grow.

Some call it Pre-Cuffing Season right now. In my experience as a dating coach and online dating expert, cuffing season just seems to start earlier and earlier each year.

Cuffing Season Defined

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Cuffing Season’ as “Usually the colder months; i.e. fall or winter, when new relationships start and old relationships turn into engagements. The persons in said relationships are ‘cuffed,’ meaning that they no longer seek non-platonic relationships with others.”

For those who are finding themselves single, don’t be surprised if an old flame reappears, even if it was someone who had ghosted you.

During Cuffing Season, guys go back into old text messages on their phones, re-review their matches on Tinder or Bumble dating apps, and sign up for online dating sites to subconsciously start or restart a relationship.

5 Ways to Find a New Relationship This Fall

via GIPHY

With the change of seasons, brings an opportunity for a new beginning for many.

  1. Accept party and business invitations and force yourself to go.
  2. Smile wherever you go out in public. It’s contagious in a good way.
  3. Refresh your mobile dating and online dating profiles with new photos and a new bio.
  4. Engage with people you find interesting on Facebook who are single.
  5. Flirt on Instagram and other social media channels.

With the tragic shooting in Las Vegas, there’s been an unusual need to hug one another. If you’re in a relationship that’s new, you could want to feel closer, to feel protected, and to want to express your love to that person a bit sooner than you might have had.

So if you’re looking to kiss someone special under the mistletoe this holiday season, don’t wait until November 1st to focus on love.

As a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship just for the holidays prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Cuffing Season

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and instagram for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date during Cuffing Season.

 

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Tinder ‘Reactions’ Helps You Let Your Date Know He’s Been Ghosted

Oct 4th

Our friends at Tinder have added a new featured called ‘Reactions,’ to let you send your dude an animated gif to get the ball rolling, toss a virtual martini in his face if he’s acting like a d-bag, or give the digital heads up that he’s been ghosted.

Created by the women of Tinder, along with the help of comedian/actress Whitney Cummings, this new feature adds a little fun to the dating process instead of sending back boring texts that just say ‘hey.’ There are 10 animated gifs to choose from and the feature is starting to roll out now.

How it works is, you need to be in a convo with your match. In the in-text feature, next to the gif icon you’ll see a reaction icon. Click on the icon and select the reaction that’s perfect for the mood.

For my favorite topic of ghosting, one of their gifs will help you disappear with advanced notice.

Think he’s worth having a convo with, then here’s how you can let him know to get the ball rolling.

Tinder Reactions Ball GIf

RELATED: Tinder Love Expert Julie Spira on BuzzFeed

Ever think of tossing a drink in his face? With the Martini Reaction you can do so and he’ll get the hint and just might enjoy your humor as well.

Tinder Martini Reaction

If you think he’s really a great guy and he’s making you swoon, let him know by sending a few hearts reaction.

Tinder Reaction Gifs

For more details on the new ‘Reactions’ feature, check out the Tinder Blog and check out this video on how it works.

RELATED: Find out how Swiping Right Can Help You Find Your Dream Date

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online and now on their mobile apps with her IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES programs for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

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How to Fall in Love This Fall Using Your Eyes

Sep 22nd

Flirt Using Eyes

 

Welcome Fall! There’s nothing more exciting than the change of seasons, and the possibilities of falling in love during fall leading into the holidays.

There are endless articles on how to fall in love using words, eyes, flirting gestures, using your sense of humor, but did you know you can fall in love just by staring at someone’s eyes?

Once upon a time ago, two people fell in love at first sight just by using their eyes. One of the two, was myself! There was something about this gentleman’s eyes that captured my attention. I kept staring at him and then turning my head away quickly, a bit nervously. When we finally started talking after 20 minutes of staring at each others eyes and smiling, it turned out we had the exact same colored eyes.

I wrote about that experience in my first published book  and know first-hand that this can actually work.

Perhaps I can say we fell in love at first eye-sight. Research has backed up this theory that you can fall in love with someone just through eye contact.

Then again, there are songs about eyes, such as, You’re Too Good to be True, Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, Brown Eyed Girl, Green Eyes Lady, These Eyes, Spanish Eyes, and the list goes on.

Research and instinct prove that both men and women are visual. Either the see something shiny or someone attractive that they like, or they don’t. This is why popular dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are so popular and singles are swiping right in record numbers.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we recommend that you ditch those sunglasses in your online dating profiles and mobile apps, and make sure your potential date can stare into your sparkling eyes.

Here are 31 facts on how to flirt with your eyes

  1. When two people in love gaze into each others’ eyes, their heartbeats synchronize with each other.
  2. Your eyes dilate almost 50% wider when you look at someone you love or fancy.
  3. When flirting, a woman will look at someone, then quickly look away and wait 30 seconds if she’s interested.
  4. Perfect vision makes it easier to fall in love at first sight.
  5. Gazing straight into a stranger’s eyes can make them fall in love.
  6. Rapid blinking may mean someone is attracted to you.
  7. Women will find a man attractive if another woman is looking at smiling at him.
  8. When someone who finds you attractive locks eyes with you, they automatically go up a notch on your love barometer.
  9. Sparkling eyes show strong emotions.
  10. People with a strong connection of love hold eye contact for longer periods of time.

Plus 21 more fun facts in this Infographic below.

Flirting Eyes Infographic

 
Courtesy of: Optilase.com
 
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet and mobile dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

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