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The Post-Valentine’s Breakup

Peril of the Week - The Valentine's Break UpIf you’re feeling a little down after Valentine’s Day, you’re not alone.

Relationships go through peaks and valleys, or seasons and years.

Most couples love new beginnings and take the time to fall in love with each other all over again, whether from traveling to new places, or going down memory lane to where they once met. The other option is calling it quits because someone thinks the grass could be greener, which usually isn’t the case, and they often find it’s temporary.

When your expectations for Valentine’s Day, or any major holiday for that matter are high, it can cause a bump on the road or a full on collision.

RELATED: Gone Fishing or Is it Over?

The famous Facebook breakup chart shows a little bump the day before and the day after Valentine’s Day, as breaking up on Valentine’s Day would be a cruel thing to do with someone you’ve been dating for a long time.

Facebook Breakup Chart

As you can see, the time from Valentine’s to Spring Break are peak times for couples to call it quits, so hold on to your helmets. This phase happens twice a year and it’s going on right now. If you can make it past Spring Break, chances are you’re relationship will last for at least another eight months.

RELATED: Peril of the Week: The Valentine’s Breakup

Whether your relationship was sliding downward for a while, or the ending came as a complete shock, you’re bound to be feeling sad or down right now if you find yourself in this situation. 

There’s a reason why “Spring Fever” sounds like an illness and why April Fool’s Day is on par with a Valentine’s breakup. I you can relate to this, I urge you to communicate with your partner before jumping to wrong conclusions and losing what you’ve built, forever.

If you’re single, had a disappointing Valentine’s Day, or are in the middle of a breakup or divorce, you might be suffering from post-Valentine’s blues.  You may wake up sad in the morning, feel hopeless, and never get the closure you need to move on in a healthy way.

RELATED: 7 Dating Tips for Spring Fever

On the Wellness Universe blog,  Bernadette Smith listed 7 things to do if you’re feeling down after Valentine’s Day. She included sending yourself a “sweetheart card” and mailing it to yourself as something you’d like to receive from someone who loves you, as well as asking someone to hold your box of chocolates in the line at the supermarket, then leave, thus giving them a chocolate gift from the heart. Do things that make you and others feel good. I found her tips empowering and heartwarming.

The main takeaway from the post is the importance of gratitude.

Every night before I go to sleep, I say out loud, the five people I am grateful for. This helps me sleep better at night with a smile on my face. I also have a wish pillow, where I have a handwritten note in it, describing the type of love I want in my life. I have manifested love and the so-called perfect guy, by visualizing how he looked and he magically appeared. On the road map to love, I’ve been though most of the phases, which helps me be a better dating coach to you and to singles starting over, or who are looking for love online and finding it difficult in the crowded digital playground.

We are at a time where love is being replaced by fear and we don’t have to accept that. I encourage and challenge all of you to bring back love to the top of your list, starting with that lipstick on the mirror that says, “I love you.”

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

If you need a little hand-holding, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find love. We have helped so many singles through our coaching programs and want to give you hope and the tools to start over again.  Your next great relationship just might be a click or swipe away.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is an award-wining dating coach. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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Julie Spira Talks to KABC TV With 10 Dating Safety Tips

Everyday can be like Valentine’s Day, since dating and love never go out of style.

A huge thank you to KABC TV in Los Angeles for having me on Eyewitness News to share 10 of my dating safety tips. It’s my goal to help you date safely 365 days out of the year. Keep in mind, most daters have good intentions, but to be safe, follow these rules.

Some of the online dating safety tips include:

  • Facetime, Skype and/or Phone Date – Use technology to make sure you’re not dating a “bot” and to pass the phone chemistry test.
  • Visit Linkedin and Facebook  – See if you have friends in common and ask them to give you the digital thumbs up or thumbs down on your mutual connection.
  • Be Careful of the Country Dates or Emails from a Military – While I know a man from Los Angeles who married a woman from Paris, if someone contacts you from out of the country, use video chat to make sure they are real and check their punctuation. If someone from the military has a sob story and asks you for money, report them to the dating site.

RELATED: 10 SAFEST CITIES IN THE U.S. FOR ONLINE DATING

  • Saying “I Love You” Too Soon – Some people use those three little words that will make you swoon, but if you haven’t met, how can you really be in love? Sure they “get you,” but if they are mirroring your profile and you think they’re too good to be true, perhaps they are.
  • Meet in a Public Place – While it seems logical to meet in a public place, often someone will invite you to their place to “hang out” or “netflix and chill.” All first dates must be in a public place and let a friend know where you’re going and the screen/profile name of your date.

KABC Dating Safety Tips

  • Don’t Get in Anyone’s Car – While it’s chivalrous to be picked up at home, tell your date if they offer to do so, that you’d like to save that for the second or third date.
  • No Late Night Dates – With mobile apps, you can meet someone almost instantly 24 hours a day. If someone suggests a first date after 9pm, take a pass. That screams “booty call” and you don’t know if someone else was the dinner date, while you’re becoming dessert.
  • Don’t Sext Before Meeting – A Match Study showed that 34% of singles are actually having sex BEFORE they meet.  Millennials up that number to 48%! Remember, anything you text can be shared and if it doesn’t work out, chances are it will. My rule of thumb is, if you don’t want your parents, children, or boss to see your text, then don’t push the send button.
  • Let Google Be Your Best Friend – With my dating coaching programs, I conduct a Google search for email addresses, photos, and phone numbers. While I don’t believe in kissing and telling, I also don’t believe in googling and telling. Sneak a peek and be a cyber-sleuth and if something seems very off, cancel the date.
  • Limit Your Drinking on a First Date – If you’re out for dinner or drinks and are having a great time, instead of ordering a second drink or going home, order a club soda instead. Getting intoxicated on a date could lead to problems you might regret in the morning.

RELATED: Online Dating Expert Julie Spira Named Best Dating Coach at iDate Awards

Remember, how you act offline when meeting someone new is the same as how you should act online. Be safe and enjoy the ride.

Happy dating and I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

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10 Best U.S. Cities to Find Love This Year

Love knows no boundaries

“Love knows no reason, no boundaries, no distance. It has a sole intention of bringing people together to a time called forever.” ~Unknown

When I coach singles who are looking for love online, they limit themselves by searching maybe 15 miles from where they live. I actually had one client who only wanted to search 5 miles from Beverly Hills. When I reminded her that the airport was further than 5 miles away and she’d be happy to meet a cute guy on the plane, I convinced her to change her geographic parameters.

Whether you’re single and hoping to find your soulmate, or just want to find companionship and are open to having a long distance relationship, this list of the best cities from Zillow, may make you reconsider changing your zip code on your online dating profile, or widen the search parameters on your favorite mobile app.

See Infographic Below

RELATED: Digital Dating: Tips for Long-Distance Love

Best Cities for LoveZillow took a list of new single residents moving to a metropolitan city, their median income, and a peek at the number of spots that were good to meet a date per 10,000 residents.
The results were heavily weighed towards the East Coast and Mid-West, while the West Coast (Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Diego) didn’t make it to the list this year.

Here’s where you should consider moving to, if your job and family aren’t tying you to the city you reside in.

  • Boston, MA –  This collegiate city has 66% of singles, with 159 date spots.
  • New Orleans, LA – Not just a Mardi Gras party town, they’ve ranked at 59% of singles.
  • Indianapolis, IN – Even on a non- racing day, this town has 56% of singles with 30 date spots.
  • Richmond, VA – Known for their street art, this city has 54% of singles with 30 date spots.
  • Louisville, KY – Headed to the Derby? Maybe you’ll want to stay, with 54% of singles and 29 date spots.
  • Memphis, TN – A visit to Graceland might convince you to hang around longer, with 57% of singles and 20 date spots.
  • Providence, RI – Little Rhode Island’s Capitol has 53% of singles and 49 date spots.
  • Cleveland, OH – Cleveland rocks, plus they have 53% of singles and 27 date spots.
  • Las Vegas, NV – The former “Sin City” has become a hot place with the best restaurants around. Plus they’ve got 54% of singles and 21 date spots.
  • Milwaukee, WI – A visit to Lake Michigan might find you one of 53% of singles at 25 date spots.

Zillow, who’s in the real estate business, reports that the majority of new home owners are married. So my advice is to cast a wide net before you put a ring on it, or decide to couple up and go house hunting.

RELATED: Would You Move for  Love?

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Zillow - Best Cities for Love

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5 Gifts To Impress Your First Date

7 Ways to Find a Date for Valentine'sIt’s still possible to find a date for Valentine’s by just popping up your mobile dating apps.  Turn on your push notifications and be bold and agree to meet on Valentine’s Day.

With that in mind, if you score a date, what are you supposed to do about a gift? Should you give anything at all? Our guest blogger Michelle G.,CRS® offers these tips for Valentine’s gift ideas for a 1st time date.


Valentine’s Day reignites the conversation of whether a first date gift is appropriate. Some argue that it may be a bit “cheesy” to show your softer side on a first date, while others may feel the fear of their gift being rejected. My recommendation is to do what feels right for you.

In today’s competitive dating landscape, it’s all about the little details to help you stand out from the crowd. The rule of thumb for choosing a gift is to make your choice based on a previous conversation you had with your date. If you haven’t had a chance to glean any tips on what to gift just yet, here are some foolproof ideas to spark up your first date.

Here are 5 Simple Gifts to Give on a First Date

Flowers1. Flower Bouquet

Who doesn’t love flowers or a gift from nature? Flowers and plants are thoughtful, unisex and not too personal. If you didn’t know, there was a time when flowers where a traditional (and lovely) first date gift every woman loved. Stand out from the crowd, impress your date and start off on the right foot with a bouquet of red roses or white lilies.

P.S. Pick up red tulips from the grocery store. They’re a fraction of the cost of roses and you’ll have the same impact.

RELATED: 3 Online Dating Photos to Avoid this Valentine’s

2. Greeting Card

A thoughtful greeting card with an uplifting or inspirational message can also work miracles when you’re looking to stand out and make an impression on a first date. Your positive spirit can take you places you never thought possible, faster than you could imagine. Everyone can use a little extra cheer in their lives and you could stand out on your first date by turning up your positively with a thoughtful greeting card.

P.S. We love digital cards from JibJab!

Chocolate Chip Cookies3. Baked Goodies

If you’re meeting in a coffee shop, treat your date to a delicious pastry and watch how quickly you can control the ambiance and mood of your date. Be mindful of any food allergies, intolerances (gluten), or sensitivities (dairy) your date might have. You don’t want to inadvertently get them sick. To be sure, wait until they arrive at the coffee shop, ask them if they have a food intolerance, then offer a treat. You’ll be a rockstar for caring!

P.S. Bake some homemade cookies for both of you to share.

 

4. Chocolates

An oldie but a goodie… If you’re not sure what kind of chocolates your date likes, an incognito way of asking is to share insider information about your favorite foods and desserts first before asking them what they like. Then, by the magic of reciprocity, your date will feel compelled to share similar information with you and voilà; you’ll know what types of chocolates he or she likes… Try this simple technique on your next date!

P.S. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac!

RELATED: What do I do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day

5. Bottle of Wine

Coda WinesThis is an excellent gift idea for when you want to show off your classier side. In case you feel this is a risky move, just know that wine’s not too “forward” of a gift and it’s well accepted. While you may not know what type of wine your date prefers, it is the thought that counts! The best recommendation when selecting a bottle of wine is to go for a red Cabernet Sauvignon or a refreshing white Pinot.

P.S. You can ramp it up with a bottle of prosecco from the grocery store if you think your date likes bubbles or check out codawines.com, where their wines are inspird by music.

For more Valentine’s Day ideas, read our Valentine’s Day Survival Guide.

Follow @AskMichelleG on Twitter

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Julie Spira on KTLA With New Mobile App Features

Many thanks to KTLA’s Rich DeMuro, who interviewed me for this fun segment on mobile dating on Tech Report.

We talked about new features on mobile dating apps to speed up your search to find a Valentine’s date. Watch this video to learn about the latest tips to better your odds on Match, Bumble, and Tinder apps.

Mobile dating apps are all the rage. There are new niche dating apps to help you find a Valentine.  Are you making the most of these popular and apps?

READ MORE: KTLA: Original Post: Matchmaking Apps Add New Features To Help You Find a Date Fast

MATCH – The world’s largest dating site has been rolling out new features for their members.

  • Top Spot – For $2.99, your profile will appear at the top of a search for 60 minutes. Match says you’ll get three times more views with this feature.  You’ll also appear the in top 6 search results when members are searching for someone like you. You can view the countdown of the time remaining during your Top Spot session.  They actually show you the photos of who has viewed you in your search. You’ll also receive an activity summary via email once your session has expired.
  • Missed Connections – This free mobile only feature helps you fill your date card faster after you’ve crossed paths with them. You’ll be matched with others who could have been in the same restaurant, supermarket, etc.  You’ll have to opt-in to use this feature on your mobile app when it appears. Match says this will be less creepy that the old Craig’s List “Missed Connections” (we hope so). It’s similar to Happn’s location-based app, which is solely based on matching you with people you’ve crossed paths with. The trend of meeting IRL is important to dating apps and sites, to avoid ghosting, breadcrumbing, or just endless chats.

READ MORE: Match Adds New Missed Connections Feature

BUMBLE – This bumble bee hive apps let’s women make the first move. I call it the “Sadie Hawkins” of digital dating. Users set their distance and age parameters and start viewing matches. A simple swipe to the right says you’re interested. A swipe to the left says you’re not. If both parties swipe right, you’ll appear in the match queue, where the woman needs to strike up a chat within 24 hours. Once the match gets notified, they have to reply in 24 hours to get the chat going. If you swipe left in error, don’t worry. You get three free “backtracks” a day,  where you shake your phone to see the photo you swiped left to.

READ MORE: KTLA: Original Post: Matchmaking Apps Add New Features To Help You Find a Date Fast

Bumble Boost, their paid service, has a variety of pricing levels of one, three, or six months, or one year. 

Bumble Boost has some fun premium features including:

  • Beeline: You’ll see people who’ve liked you when you open up the app, instead of waiting to swipe right through profiles.
  • Rematch: You can get matched again with someone you didn’t have time to start a convo with. Those profiles will have a grey circle around them.
  • Extended Rematches: If you’re a busy bee, you can have unlimited extensions on your match. But then again, if you have time to open the app and extend, why not just say hello?

READ MORE: Bumble Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

BumbleVid is their newest feature.  You can post 10-second videos to your profile that will be deleted in 24 hours.  I call it dating in a snapchat world.

TINDER – Tinder is losing the perception of only being a hook up app.  Tinder reports that 80 % of their users are looking for something more meaningful. Plus they’re seeing 1.4 billion swipes a day!

  • Smart Photos: This new feature will select your best photo and make it your primary profile shot. So if that selfie in the mirror doesn’t cut it, it will be moved to a secondary photo. It’s great because your best face will appear in a search.

READ MORE: Tinder Love Story: Adriana and Dave

Tinder Plus: This premium service costs about $9.99/month.  You’ll get unlimited swipes, as compared to the free service. You’ll can also get back your last left swipe with their rewind feature, as often as you like.

  • Passport: Planning a trip and looking to fill your date card before you arrive? Passport allows you to add other locations to search for and to appear in a search. Remember, dating apps are location-based, so your searches will show where you’re hanging out now. Just add a new city in a search and it will be on your Passport in your settings.

At the end of the digital day, there are an enormous amount of mobile dating apps. The average person using dating apps has downloaded 3.5 apps.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Need a little help with your dating life? Find out how our Irresistible Coaching will help you find your dream date.

FOLLOW @Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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3 Reasons Why Guys Ghost

Why Men GhostAs a ghosting expert, I’ve heard every wacky and excuse as to why someone ghosted you.

Imagine this scenario. You’ve been seeing a great guy for weeks now and you think this one’s a keeper.

You get daily texts from him, see him on weekends, and he’s called you his girlfriend.

Then one day out of nowhere, POOF. He’s gone. MIA. No texts. No calls. No dates. No closure.

Here are three reasons why guys ghost after a great date.

1. They have a girlfriend, and it’s not you.

Unfortunately there are lot of people dating when they’re not single. Perhaps the relationship is on a bumpy road, or maybe they want to look at other options. A survey has found that about 40% of people on Tinder aren’t even single. For these reasons, guys swipe right for validation, or because there’s something missing in their relationship. When it gets to the point of getting serious, they have to bail. The easiest way is to ghost and disappear.

READ MORE: Most Millennials Have Been Ghosted

2. They have commitment issues.

Some guys just can’t go the distance. They love the excitement of a new relationship, especially the chase. They go on three-week intervals and when they see they have to step it up to make a deeper commitment, they bail with no trail or reason why. This is painful for women who want closure. They think things are going well and then suddenly their BF goes MIA and ghosts.

3. They’re playing the field.

There’s a lyric in the Stevie Nicks song Dreams, “Players only love you when they’re playing.” Guys like these like to play the field and believe dating is a numbers game. Once their date card is overflowing, someone has to be deleted. When it’s you, you won’t know why. If they text you 3 times a day and call every day and see you on weekends, you think you’re in a relationship. The problem is, you’re just in rotation.

What should a woman do if she’s been ghosted?

The worst thing you can do is to keep trying to reach him. You will appear needy, obsessive, and it will be a turn off for a guy. If he disappears, just realize it’s his loss. There is no closure. You can be sure he’s ghosting someone else right now, while you trying to decide what to text him next.

READ MORE: Ghosted for the First Time

My best advice is to move on and be open to finding someone else. By the time he comes back, and he probably will, you might be in the arms of a great guy, where ghosting is not a part of his vocabulary.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating, Mobile Dating, and Ghosting Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online and helping heal hearts after someone’s been ghosted. Julie’s been crowned “Best Dating Coach” of the year at the iDate Awards and ranks as the most influential person in dating and online dating in social media.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook for dating and ghosting advice.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter

Photo credit: Fotolia

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iPhone vs. Android, It Makes a Difference on Who You’ll Date

KNX Match Singles in AmericaAs I’ve been digging through the wonderful nuggets of data in the 7th Annual Match Singles in America Study, one that sticks out and makes me wonder why, is the debate between iPhone users versus Android owners. When CBS Radio asked me to weigh in on the subject on KNX – IN DEPTH,  we had a lively discussion (Transcript at the end of this post).

Here’s the question about the big digital elephant in the room.

Are singles with iPhones really judging their dates if they carry an Android phone or have a cracked screen? Apparently so.

Here are some fun facts from the Match survey,

  • iPhone users are 21 more times likely to judge Android users
  • Android users are 15 times more likely to negatively judge an iPhone use.

Let’s take it a step forward as your date card will be empty if you don’t upgrade or fix that cracked phone. The survey said that iPhone users are critical of other iPhone users if their phone is an older model, to the tune of 56% saying you won’t get to a second date. Ouch.

If you have a flip phone or a cracked screen, you’re at the bottom of the digital dating totem pole, so head to the store and upgrade and fix that screen now.

The survey on mobile phone issues found:

  • 15% of adults could think twice about dating someone with a cracked screen
  •  86% of women are more likely to negatively judge a man for having a cracked screen.

And if you’re texting with that clicking noise, STOP now. The survey said boomers hate the audible key clicks, so head to your settings and stop the noise to get more dates.

READ MORE: Match Singles in America Survey Says Put Your Phone Away

#ICYMI, Here’s the transcript of the radio interview with Charles Feldman and Chris Sedens on CBS/KNX Radio.

Charles: There’s a study that finds that single people who have an iPhone don’t want to date someone who has an Android phone. Apparently that’s not all. With us now to discuss this is author and expert on cyber-dating, Julie Spira, Julie, what else do we know about iPhone users and the people they don’t want to date?

Julie: Well it’s interesting to know that there’s research that shows that the stigma shows that iPhone users maybe made more money than Android users.

Charles: Maybe they’re poorer than Android users because iPhones cost so much.

Julie: Especially when we upgrade every two years! I think this is all really interesting because it shows that daters have become picker about subjects such as technology and politics. Certainly pickier than even what your date is wearing.

Charles: So seriously, you have these two people let’s say and they meet at Starbucks or something, because that’s where they meet, and one takes out an iPhone to text and the other takes out an Android phone and they look at each other and go, nope, not for me.

Julie: People are doing that. Probably millennials are doing it more than boomers are, but they shouldn’t be taking their phone out on a date anyway. That phone belongs in your purse or your pocket. 

Charles: You know I’m taking it a step further than I probably should, but I believe I read somewhere that President Trump carries an Android. I use an iPhone. Now, not that he’s on the market, or whether I am or not, but you say it comes down sometimes to people with iPhones make more money, I’m guessing the President makes more money than I do.

Chris: Are you saying you wouldn’t date President Trump?

Charles: I’m just saying he uses an Android; he’s a billionaire.

Chris: Oh, alright.

Charles: I think that kind of blows that one out of the water Julie. I can’t help but think, if you’re an attractive person and you see somebody, there’s a lot of people listening this who think this is hooey.

Julie: Right. It should be ridiculous. You shouldn’t say I can’t go on a second date with you, because we don’t share the same interests in technology or phones. I think another point that’s so big on this study which came from Match.com, nearly 15% of  adults that are currently dating, they won’t date somebody with a cracked smart phone screen. So if you’ve got an old phone, you might not get a second date.

Charles: So let’s say we get past the phone stuff and maybe they both have iphones, and so they go on the date and they are happy and they go back to one place or the other and then they discover that one has a MacBook and the other has a dell. So is the relationship then off?

Julie: No the relationship is not off. We really can’t be that superficial about the kind of technology our partners have. I think the more inclusive we can be about everything we can be in life, including technology, the happier we can be. So don’t sweat the small stuff. If you have chemistry and a lot in common and similar values, let someone have a different type of phone and be happy about it.

Charles: Julie, Thank you. Julie Spira, she is an author and expert on cyber-dating. “You’re Beautiful you’re the woman of my dreams. Oh you’re using an Android. NEXT.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for online dating and mobile dating advice.

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Mobile Love – Women are on a Swiping Frenzy on Dating Apps

Liftoff Mobile Dating Study
We know that men are swiping right and left on mobile apps in record numbers, but this study and infographic from Liftoff shows that it’s the women in North America who are more serious about finding a relationship on mobile apps than the men. The Liftoff team analyzed 20 of the top dating apps, with almost 3 billion dating app impressions, to see who was signing up for mobile apps across the world.

Women Are More Serious in Using Mobile Dating Apps

After analyzing the data, Liftoff says, “It’s clear that women are more serious mobile daters, while their male counterparts are far less committed–meaning marketers should aim cupid’s arrow at North American women.”

Does this mean men are swiping for hookups or convos only? This research calls women in North America “swipe happy,” and you thought men were swiping the most, right?

READ MORE: 12 Mobile Dating Apps for Different Relationship Goals

This study shows that compared to other popular app categories, dating apps have a much large user base with 91 million users worldwide, many of which open their mobile app over five times per day!

Summer is the Busiest Time for Mobile Dating Apps

Liftoff Mobile Dating

While many singles are in a swiping frenzy to find that last minute Valentine’s date, this research shows the busiest time for mobile dating apps is during the summer, when the heat rises online and IRL. Liftoff says registration rates for mobile dating apps peak in June and remain hot and heavy through September. Think summer romance? Probably so.

Other findings include that females register 100% more than men on Android and 107% than men on iOs.

READ MORE: 6 Mobile Dating Apps to Help You Find Love

What does this mean for singles looking for love on their mobile phones? It shows the level of intent for women, so guys, start getting serious, because the squeaky deal wins the mobile dating love lottery.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for our FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles programs for over 20 years. Julie’s the recent winner of the 2017 iDate Awards for Best Dating Coach and is the author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in social media in “dating” and “online dating.”

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Julie Spira speaks to Dr. Drew Midday – Do Millenials Really Date?

Dr. Drew Match Study

 

 

 

 

 

It was a fun and informative radio show interview on Dr. Drew Midday Live with Mike Catherwood on KABC Radio in Los Angeles.

Drew, Mike and I spoke about all the juicy details on the Mach.com’s 7th Annual Singles in America Survey. Our segment is 20:25 minutes in, to hear the playback.

LISTEN HERE TO DR. DREW MIDDAY LIVE ON KABC

Transcript

Dr. Drew:  We’re going to go out to Julie Spira now. She’s a national online dating expert. Match.com has their 7th Singes in America Survey. Julie Thanks for joining us.

Julie: Hi! Happy to be here guys.

Dr. Drew: So what does this survey teach us?

Julie: A lot more than any of the others. I have monitored all of the Singles in America studies, but this was one was a biggie the 7th. Anything from millennials’ attitudes towards sex, politics, feminism, you name it. So this was was really talking about things that. Online dating addiction.

Dr. Drew: Oh I saw that.

Julie: People are addicted to online dating.

Dr. Drew: 15% say they are addicted to the process of online dating. Are they also addicted to going on the dates and finding the dates and meeting different people?

READ MORE: Help! My Friends Say I’m Addicted to Online Dating

Julie: Well I think the good part is they actually do go on the dates and meeting people, but they’re overwhelmed by the process. In the results, some have a little burn out and they need to take a break.  But at the end of the day, it’s very very efficient. With over 50% of singles have created an online dating profile, so say so long to that old stigma.

Dr. Drew: There is another sort of bit of this data that caught so wind this morning and that is 1 3 singles said they had sex before their first date and they’re 48% more likely to have had sex before the first date than all the other generations. And that some people interpreting as the millennials feeling that sex was sort of an interview to determine if they want to date. And I said, that might be the data but it’s missing the point, which is that millennials don’t really date. If they’re going to quote dating, they’re going to have to have a relationship, so sex is the way of leading into the relationship.

Mike: Why am I as old as I am?

Julie: I look at it as digital foreplay. If they’re having sex before they’re meeting, they’re obviously sexting and  if that’s the qualifier to say now I’m willing to meet you in person because now I think we’re in a relationship, I find that a little of concern. I really do. The old fashioned courtship..

Dr. Drew: Courtship is gone. We have to call it something else because they recoil against that. I think we should call it an assessment process or something. They need to have the capacity to assess people but Julie hold on, I need to talk to my partner here. Why do we need to assess?

Mike: Why is it that courtship will be gone? By no means am I a super-refined guy, or the pinnacle of gentlemanly behavior. I took pride in opening the doors for women, taking them out on a date and bringing them flowers.

Dr. Drew: That’s different than courtship. I have to take a break, but Julie, I want to address this issue of courtship. By the way, the twitter handle for you?

Julie: @JulieSpira and CyberDatingExpert.com.

Dr. Drew: That’s j-u-l-ie-s-p-i-r-a, but Mike, the reason you’re as old as you are is because you were not partaking in all of this, for if you were partaking in all of this, you wouldn’t make it out alive.

Mike: ….All joking aside, I might have started to proceed into, grow into much more dangerous behavior.

Dr. Drew:  Oh, it would have been part of the addictive process.

Mike: I had numerous partners a day, commonly, without tinder. Before Tinder was even invented. Can you imagine if I could order a ho like pizza?

READ MORE: Match Singles in America Study Says Put Your Phone Away

Dr. Drew: Midday Live Dr. Drew With Mike Catheter. We’re talking on 790 KABC and we’ll be back with Julie Spira and the Match survey after this.

Dr. Drew: Let’s go back to Julie Spira. She’s a Match Online Dating Expert. Julie, what is your website again?

Julie: It’s CyberDatingExpert.com

Dr. Drew: Courtship. So why have we expunged courtship? I remember back when I was a youth. It was sort of not cool. The whole idea in the 50s we were specifically rebelling against. And then against now, we have just never recovered from that. And it’s just continuing to deteriorate and then here the three of us are going, “courtship is important.” Why are we not doing that?

Julie: I think people are doing that. We’re finding the boomers are still opening the doors, grabbing that bill first, and picking up the phone and actually calling somebody to go on a date instead of relying solely on their mobile phones.

Dr. Drew: Texting. Yeah. And the millennials are all over the place too. Not all of them are necessarily even dating. Not a lot of them are even having sex compared to previous generations. And when they are, they’re doing it sometimes in sort of aggressive, I don’t mean aggressive in sort of the act, but aggressive in the sense of tactics. So it’s hard to figure out. I’ve been going to college campuses for years and saying, “Please restore courtship. Whatever you want to call it. Restore something where there’s an assessment process, no?

Julie: I agree and the good news is it’s not all doomsday. It is good news. 81% of the singles surveyed said they were interested in finding a romantic partner, a romantic love. Love is alive and well. We’re just looking at millennials, who in my opinion aren’t sure whether they’re hanging out or on a date.

Mike: We definitely saw that in the end of love line where how many guys were confused on where they stood with the girls. Like wildly confused.

Dr. Drew: What do you mean?

Julie: They don’t know how to define dating. Did you ask her on a date? Did you pay for the bill?

READ MORE: Are We Dating Or Just Hanging Out?

Mike: We’ve never actually been in the same room together, but we’re in love. That was a lot of guys, or they would hang out with a girl and she maybe just had pure intentions of being friendly. They liked each others’ company and he thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend. That happened all the time. I got a very clear message when I was 20. But I also took aggressive tactics as well.

Dr. Drew: Oh really? Talk to us about that as well. What happened?

Mike: I don’t think we want to talk about that. Drew, I told you my tactics.

Dr. Drew: I know. (laughing). I just realized it. We can’t talk about it on the air. You know Mike, I think things are improving. To be fair, I guess you were a lone ranger with that stuff.

Mike: I was. I was a rogue warrior

Dr. Drew: Alright. Any other data we want to focus in on here Julie before we let you go?

Julie: Well I think it’s really important to talk a little about FOMO. The fear of missing out. Social media is really causing a lot of anxiety for singles and they’re afraid to post a photo unless they look absolutely gorgeous, because everything is about the photos. I find that really interesting because social media anxiety disorder is something I talk about a lot. So if you feel anxious about social media, take an unplugging day and go back to it the next day.

Dr. Drew: That’s interesting. Yes. Social Media Anxiety Disorder. One day it will be a diagnostic. Because you have anxiety when you don’t use it, you have anxiety when you do use it, you have anxiety for fear of missing out when you’re on it, yeah, it’s really good for mental health.

Julie: Who doesn’t count how many likes they have after posting a photo?

Dr. Drew: Alright Julie. Thank you so much again. @JulieSpira is the Twitter handle, correct? Twitter and Instagram @JulieSpira and of course the website CyberDatingExpert.com, where’s there’s a whole ton of free dating advice, so take a peek.

Mike: Let me just say,  I found this conversation very In-SPIRA-ing.

Julie: Oh I love that, thank you.

LISTEN TO THE FULL SEGMENT HERE

READ ABOUT THE MATCH SINGLES IN AMERICA SURVEY HERE

 

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10 Tips to Stay Safe while Dating Online

dating safetyOnline dating is a great way to meet new people and to actually fall in love.

A recent Match Singles in America Survey of over 5000 singles revealed that 53% of singles have created a dating profile. The survey also showed that 81% of singles are looking for romantic love and we want you to find it, safely.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we love helping singles find love online. As a matter of face, I’ve been coaching singles for 23 years now, sine online dating was in its infancy. We also want YOU to feel safe while on a date, and know that dating sites take safety seriously and provide tips that you should know before you open your heart and potentially your wallet.

Here are some dating safety tips to remember before you head out to meet your digital crush.

  • Have a facetime or skype chat, or at least talk on the phone before you meet IRL. While someone may look great in a profile, until you hear the sound of their voice, you won’t know for sure if the person is a neighbor or a bot. I call this pre-dating and if you’re comfortable on the phone, chances are you’ll have a good experience on the date.
  • Find out if you have friends in common. These days it’s so easy to see if you have friends in common on Facebook or Instagram. If so, reach out to your pals to see if you can get the thumbs up or down on your potential date.
  • Watch out for suitors from out of the country or in the military. A popular romance scam is one where the person is writing to you from another country. Sure I know of people from the U.S. who fell in love with someone from Paris and they lived happily ever after, but if someone is stationed someone out of the country, they might ask you for money for a plane ride to visit you. While there’s a song, “I love a Man in a Uniform,” don’t fall prey to requests for money.
  • Be careful if someone says “I love you” too soon. Until you meet in person, you have nothing more than a digital pen pal. Those whose intentions aren’t sincere will want you to fall in love with them immediately. They may say, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” Before you change your relationship status, know this is a common ploy to potentially get yo to send them a wire transfer when they have a sudden emergency. After all, they love you, right?
  • Meet in a public place. Whether it’s a dog park, coffee bar, or a happy hour, NEVER meet your date at his or her house. Your first few dates should be in a public place, where there’s activity going on.
  • Don’t get into anyone’s car. If your date asks you for a nightcap elsewhere, you’re pretty much getting into a car with a stranger. Until you get to know them better, take your own car or public transportation, where you can leave if you feel the need to do so.
  • No late night dates (after 10p). This should go without saying, but it screams booty call. You have no idea what other dates he or she had that night, but 10p, means you’re dessert and it’s not a proper date. Just say no and suggest something in the daytime.
  • Don’t sext before ever meeting. The match survey showed that millennials are 48% more likely to have had sex, than other age groups before they ever met their date. I call it digital foreplay, but if you’re sexting big time with someone you haven’t met, the expectation of having sex on the first date will be very high. Go ahead and flirt on text messages and have fun, but leave your clothes on.
  • Let Google become your best friend.  Be careful of photos that look too good to be true. Do a Google search for your date’s email address, phone number, and upload their dating profile photos to Google image reverse search. If they seem sketchy, cancel your date. If things match up, go out and enjoy your date.
  • Limit the drinking on a first date. Alcohol can blur your judgment and having that second drink just might result in a late night booty call or put you in a dangerous situation. If you’re meeting for drinks, limit your alcohol intake to one drink only. If the conversation is going well and you’re not ready to end the date,  order a club soda for your second drink.

If you feel that someone’s profile is suspicious, report the profile to the online dating site, who has your safety as a top priority while looking for love online.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles programs for over 20 years. Julie’s the recent winner of the 2017 iDate Awards for Best Dating Coach and is the author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in social media in “dating” and “online dating.”

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