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Meet Dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest

It’s an honor and joy to put together a panel of female dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest, being held at the Marina del Rey Hotel on August 24 – 27th.

Silicon Beach Fest Dating Panel

 

Our panel will include Kelly Steckelberg, CEO of Zoosk; Jennifer Kelton, CEO of BOD Dating App;  Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, and myself Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert.

The Dating CEO panel will be held at 4pm in the Waterfront Room and you’ll learn all the best tips for dating profiles and hear directly from industry pros.

SPEAKER BIOS

Julie Spira – CEO and Founder, Cyber-Dating Expert

Julie Spira is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, an online dating coaching, advice and consulting business in the dating industry. As an early adopter of Internet dating and online dating expert, Julie has been coaching singles for over two decades on finding love. Her dating advice has been featured in over 1000 media stories and she’s the author of the bestseller, “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online,” which was re-released this year on Audible, where she narrated audio book version. Julie is the creator of “Mobile Dating BootCamp” and “Online Dating BootCamp.” Julie graduated from the Park School of Communications at Ithaca College, where she received a B.S. in Television-Radio. She started her career in broadcasting as a media personality. Always on the leading edge of technology, become the first female executive at RKO Radio Networks, the country’s first digitally delivered satellite radio network. She ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” on social media influence site, Klout.

Site: CyberDatingExpert.com Twitter @JulieSpira

Talia Goldstein – CEO and Founder, Three Day Rule

Talia Goldstein is the CEO and founder of Three Day Rule. After studying communication at Tulane University, Talia worked as a TV producer at E! True Hollywood Story, where she quickly became the office dating expert, setting up many co-workers with matches and handing out insightful dating advice from her cubicle. Recognizing her hidden talent for matchmaking, Talia quit her full-time job and began hosting popular singles events and offering personalized matchmaking services. Three Day Rule was officially created in 2013, allowing Talia to turn her lifelong hobby of matchmaking into a thriving business. Leveraging her extensive network of successful, attractive singles, Talia has found matches for hundreds of clients, including top executives, entrepreneurs, and everyday young professionals. Among her clients, Talia has been recognized for her strong instinct for what drives lifelong connections between two people. She has made it her mission to help clients on their quest to find true love, and is thrilled that her work allows her to make a difference in people’s lives.

Web: ThreeDayRule.com Twitter: @TaliaGoldstein @ThreeDayRule

Kelly Steckelberg – CEO, Zoosk

Kelly Steckelberg is the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) at Zoosk. Kelly joined Zoosk in March 2011 from Cisco, where she held various roles including divisional CFO positions for the Consumer Segment and WebEx. Kelly joined Cisco through the WebEx acquisition, where she served as Controller, Chief Accounting Officer (CAO). Prior to WebEx, Kelly held executive positions with Epiphany, Inc. and a variety of finance positions at PeopleSoft, Inc. in the U.S. and Europe. She started her career at KPMG in both tax and audit. Kelly holds both a bachelor’s and master’s degree in accounting from the University of Texas at Austin.  In addition to her work at Zoosk, Kelly also serves on the board of Episcopal Community Services of San Francisco (ECS), which helps provides housing, jobs, shelter, and essential services to homeless and low-income people in San Francisco. When not working, she loves to travel and has been to over 60 countries.

Web: Zoosk.com Twitter @ksteckel @zoosk

Jennifer Kelton – CEO and Founder, BOD Dating App

Jennifer Kelton is a dating industry expert and Founder & CEO of the recently launched bod (Bad Online Dates) app. She is also author of the acclaimed dating book, Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel and creator of dressforthedate.com.  The bod (Bad Online Dates) app is a geo-location-based dating app where users can move on from a bad date and potentially meet someone new, in real-time.

Web: boddatingapp.com  Twitter: @BadOnlineDates

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August is National Romance Month

National Romance Month

Although love and romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in the hot steamy month of August, romance does gets an extra boost.

To celebrate National Romance month, here are some uber romantic things to do for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long, while waiting for date night.

Here are seven ways to ramp up the romance

Cyber Love
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their mobile dating and online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that logging on and swiping right are one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile and always use their first name if you know it. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.

Digital Foreplay

I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.

Read: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Leave a Love Note

There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.

Smile and be Confident

Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.

First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance

Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.

Schedule Date Nights

If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.

Read: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

Take that Beach Walk

Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.

What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Mobile and Online Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been creating Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene for over two decades.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

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PokéDates Launched to Help Pokémon Go Fans. Here’s How it Works

Pokemon Go PokeDatesIt was inevitable. Pokémon Go fans now have a dating site to meet other fans. Created by Project Fix Up, PokéDates will help you connect outside to others with similar interests.

Here’s how it works and what to do get started with this dating site.

  1. Select Pickup Preferences. This is where you state your sex, age, preference on who to date, height, college, religion, and just how picky you are or aren’t.
  2. Fix up:  Weaknesses. List the things that make you swoon. From cooking, to romantic, to muscular arms. You get the idea.
  3. Fix up: Deal Breakers. Hate a smoker, list it. Mean to restaurant staff, say so. Is in a relationship and looking for a hookup, take a pass.
  4. Select Themes. Let people know what kind of fix ups you’d like to go on from a list of photos. Selections include: coffee, whiskey, craft beer, craft cocktails, dive bars, desserts, wine, and of course PokeDates.
  5. Make it Social. To keep the social in PokeDates, you can agree to going out in a group instead of just a one-on-one date.
  6. About You. This is where you check off your hobbies and passions. From stating you’re a smoker or non-smoker to your political belief, check off as many as you can to get the best match.
  7. Upload a minimum 3 Photos. You’ll be allowed to post more than three, but they (and we) recommend at least three photos.

Once your profile is completed, they’ll ask you to reconfirm your email and verify you via text and you’re set to go. They’ll review your profile (we like that) to keep the site safe.

PokéDate is free to join, but once they create a fix up for you, you’re charged at $20 for your date. If you use the promo code of Project Fixup is offering first dates for free with the promo code of “POKEDATES2016,” you’ll get your first date free.

So get ready to share your score and level on Pokémon go with someone with similar passions.

Happy Poké Dating.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She’s a bestselling author internationally known dating coach who has been helping singles find love online for over two decades.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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Tinder Tales on The Tomorrow Show

Tomorrow ShowIf you missed our live stream on The Tomorrow Show with Kevin Undergaro on AfterBuzz TV, we tackled the subject of how difficult it can be while dating, using mobile dating apps, and finding a meaningful relationship.

In this segment, we were joined by several single daters with stories that will have you ROTFL.

I chimed in on what the daters were doing wrong and critiqued some online and mobile dating profiles.

Without further digital ado, and before swiping left or swiping right on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or more, watch our segment below for lessons and laughter of #TinderTales.

The dating segment starts at 1:07 below.

Spoiler alert: The best story was saved for last.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 2 decades. Julie’s Swiping Right program helps singles make the most of their Tinder profiles, regardless of their dating goals.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

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Badoo’s Selfie Feature May Prevent a Catfish

Selfie dating

Selfies. Love them, love them not.

While selfies aren’t your best photos to appear on your online dating profile, your potential dates do want to know exactly who you are and if you resemble your profile pictures.

For this reason, our friends at Badoo have created a new feature in their mobile dating app called the “Selfie Request.”

According to their press release, the new selfie feature allows women to request a photo from a male user after they have received an initial message to confirm that their potential match is genuine and using a real photo. From there, a male user can either send the requested selfie or decline.

Women who come to us for Irresistible Profiles and Dating Coaching are fearful at times that the date will be like someone they’ve viewed on MTV’s ‘Catfish,’ or their potential date will be misrepresenting themselves in some way. While we believe online dating is mostly safe for both men and women, any feature that adds comfort to the process is one where we’ll give a thumbs up to!

A Pew Internet Research survey showed that over 54 percent of online daters have felt that someone misrepresented themselves on their profile. So ladies, go ahead and request a selfie from a potential date.

Online and mobile dating safety is important to both men and women. Currently the selfie request feature is only available to women, but in time we hope they add the feature for men to use as well.

So request away and have fun with their new mobile app feature.

Guys, don’t decline the rest, or your chances of getting a date with her will be zero.

Are you using selfies on your dating profile?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt for dating advice.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s a bestselling author and as an early adopter of the Internet, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out more about how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Photo credit: Fotolia

 

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7 Online Dating Photo Tips to Rock Your Summer Profile

Match tells us things will be heating up this summer online, specifically on June 27th, the busiest day of the summer. They asked me to write a post for their blog with some tips to freshen up your online dating profile for summer.

As someone who’s been creating dating profiles for two decades, I can tell you that neglecting to refresh your profile and keeping it stagnant might result in an empty date card. Ouch. It’s summer and you should be having fun, right?

Since you switch your wardrobes for the summer season (out with the wool and in with the white), let’s do the same with a digital facelift for your online dating and mobile dating profile photos.

Photos

Men and women are visual creatures by nature, it’s just a fact of life! The first thing we see about anyone is their face, so profiles without even one photo will be passed over in a digital moment.

  1. What’s the number? Besides your main profile photo, you should have a handful of other pictures that depict you in different settings and showcase your personality. In my opinion, five is the magic number of photos to upload to your profile. Four to six is perfect. Anymore, post them on social media instead. Any less, and someone will wonder what you’re hiding.
  2. Grab a BFF and Have a Photo Party. Don’t like taking pictures of yourself or find it impossible to decide on the best pictures of you? One fun and easy way to snap more pictures of yourself is to grab a best friend and either a digital camera or high quality smartphone camera. Then, put on a your own fashion show by shopping in your closet and picking out 3-5 great outfits that make you feel your best!
  3. Use Social Media Photos. Another tip is to head over to your Facebook profile and grab your best, smiling/happy pictures to add to your dating profile. Make sure to caption the photos with the location and date the photo was taken so members will know they’re recent.

 

4. Wear red! For the ladies, you should ditch the little black dress so you don’t look like every other profile photo. Research from the University of Rochester has shown that photos of women wearing red get more views and more dates than any other color. Red is the color of love and passion, so it’s a no-brainer!

5. Ditch the selfies. We are dating in a selfie-crazed world, so it’s more than normal for your Instagram feed to be loaded with fun selfies. However, for your dating profile, selfies don’t always make you look your best or most social. Have someone you trust to hold your phone when you have the urge to take a selfie for dating profile purposes.

6. Look to the left. Studies have shown that when you look to your left, your best emotions will shine. However, if you’re looking to the right in your favorite photo, that’s no problem! Just use some photo editing software or a simple photo editing app to reverse the image to get a left side-facing photo.

7. Wear summery outfits. Find something fun, colorful, and summer-like to wear in your profile shots. A well-fitted t-shirt and jeans works well for the guys, whereas ladies do best in a flirty sundress. To speak more to the season, take down the snow skiing shots and replace them with photos that show summer-based activities, like water skiing or lounging by the pool. That said, try to avoid posting any sort of swimsuit picture — you don’t want to show too much too soon.

To read the full post with more tips, check Match.com’s blog here!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and as an early adopter of online dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.  Julie ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” in social media. Follow her @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

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It’s the Busiest Summer Time for Online Dating

As summer’s starting to heat up, do you know what that means? It’s time for summer love. Are you ready?

Our friends at Match recently conducted a study and found that summer is the best time of the year to start online dating.  So grab your mobile phone, tablet, computer, and a smile as June 27th is around the corner and it’s the busiest day for online dating this summer.

As you dive into online dating this summer, here are some fun date ideas to suggest to your digital crush to add to your date card.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Biological Anthropologist and Match’s Chief Scientific Advisor, said in a press release that, “Sunlight gives people energy.”

“We humans don’t have a mating season; we breed all year long. But increasing light does give us a sunny personality and more energy and optimism – all of which could increase our sexuality.”

Get ready to fill your date card for Monday, June 27th, and for the rest of the summer, with these hot summer date ideas.

1. Hike

2. Barbecue 

3. Catch an Outdoor Movie

4. Attend a Music Festival

5. Prepare a Meal and Have a Picnic

6. Go Stargazing

7. Explore at a Farmer’s Market

8. Attend a Baseball Game

9. Be Tourists

10. Ride a Roller Coaster

The study also identified the top 10 cities where users communicate the most during this season, so you just might want to change your zip code and cast a wider net if your city isn’t on this list.

Top 10 Flirtiest Cities in the Summer

1. Winston-Salem, NC
2. Stockton, CA
3. Raleigh, NC
4. Springfield, MA
5. Hartford, CT
6. Durhamn-Chapel Hill, NC
7. Santa Rosa, CA
8. Jacksonville, FL
9. Manchester, NH
10. Tucson, AZ

Are you ready for summer love? If not, we’re here to help, so check out our Irresistible Dating Coaching plans to help you find the love of your life.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and as a celebrity dating coach, has been helping singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.  Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online .

For dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

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Bumble and Spotify: A Musical Match That Will Work

Bumble SpotifyIt appears Bumble has been adding new features to their popular mobile dating app.

First they added gifs from gifphy to up users flirt game, which we adore, but aren’t sure how many people are using them.

Then it was the BFF, where you can find a friend (non-romantic) to hang out with. I actually saw a billboard on freeway on the way to Coachella, so they’re serious about making it a social networking app.

Then they announced that men also had 24 hours to reply to a message from the women to potentially prevent ghosting.

Now on their blog Bumble has announced they will be partnering with Spotify to bring music preference integration to user profiles. This is music to my digital ears and is a marriage I’m quite happy about.

We actually recommended Tastebuds as a potential dating app earlier this year for music lovers.

Here’s how Bumble’s music integration works:

Bumble will allow users to connect their Spotify accounts so that potential matches can view their most played artists and see what music tastes they have in common.

Bumble CEO and founder, Whitney Wolfe, told TechCrunch, “Music says a lot about who we are as people and connecting culturally can serve a foundation for creating meaningful relationships,” so clearly, it was only a matter of time before Bumble and Spotify teamed up for this new feature.

Over the next few weeks, users will be able to connect their Spotify accounts to their profiles. If you’re interested in an artist on someone’s profile, simply click the artist to open Spotify and begin opening your ears (and your heart) to your potential online love’s music taste.

Bumble SpotifyThis update will not only provide users with more information about each other before they decide to swipe right or left, but it will also create a conversation starter. “I see Adele is one of your top played artists. What’s your favorite album?” is a great way to delve into your digital crush’s preferences and show interest in what they like to listen to.

If you’re worried about guilty pleasure artists or songs you listen to that you wouldn’t want a potential digital crush to see, you have no need to worry. The Verge reported that artists streamed during private listening sessions won’t be counted when calculating who your most listened to artists are.

This new Spotify feature will also help put music lovers at ease. If you’ve ever been nervous about handing a new love the AUX cord in the car, now you’ll know their music interests ahead of time and won’t have to spend time worrying if they can be trusted to DJ in the car.

Will you be adding Spotify to your Bumble account?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and as a celebrity dating coach, has been helping singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.  Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online .

For dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Interested in improving your odds on Bumble or Tinder? Check out SwipingRight to help you find your dream date.

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Eddie V Recap – Online Dating Stories

WCKG Eddie V ShowIn a recent interview on Chicago’s WCKG Radio, I was a guest with Eddie V to talk about online dating, ghosting,  and finding love in the digital age.

You can listen to the segment here or read the transcript below.

Eddie V: Well welcome to the show!

Julie: Hi, great to be here.

Eddie V: Thank you for joining us. Julie is an expert on online dating. You have websites and blogs and everything else, is that right?

Julie: And all that good stuff, yes. CyberDatingExpert.com is where people can get free dating advice and also sign up for my Weekly Flirt if they need more dating advice.

Eddie V: CyberDatingExpert.com. And I follow you on Twitter at @JulieSpira. Spelled S-P-I-R-A, but it’s pronounced “Spy-ruh.” I you say “Spear-uh” she’ll send 6 billion volts down the line and blow up your computer.

Julie: Oh, ouch!

Eddie V: No, you wouldn’t do that. So we’re glad to have you on, you and I talked on a podcast once before. People are overwhelmingly dating online and meeting and hooking up ’cause it’s easy and modern way of doing things. It comes with perils and pratfalls and whatever else. Is that not right?

Julie: You know there are some good dates, there are some bad dates, but more often than not, people get frustrated with that one- and-done dating. And they go on that one bad date and they’re like “maybe I don’t want to do this again,” but after a while, they’ll fill up their date cards and go out and I think it’s a fun way to meet people as long as you don’t look at each date as having to be “the one.” That’s way too much pressure.

Eddie V: Well a lot of people are frustrated, but their expectations are too high, right?

Julie: Everyone’s expectations are high, but the same point, we really need to practice truth-in-advertising. So if you have an online dating profile, please ditch those old prom shots. If you don’t look like the girl in the photo or if you’ve gained weight or your hair is gray in one photo and brown in another – show somebody what you look like today because guess what? They’re going to hop over to Facebook and Instagram and see what you look like in real time. So just be authentic so that you don’t have a bad dating experience.

Eddie V: I have never understood that – why somebody would put up a picture that’s not representative, knowing that they’re going to see this person. You know, they’re going to walk in and the chances are, if you don’t resemble that picture, they may just turn and bolt before they even get to the table.

Julie: Very true, and you don’t want to see that frown on their face. So the point is, I remember talking to one gentleman who was very excited about a woman he met who only had a close up head and shoulders shot, and he was new to dating so he didn’t realize that you need to have that full length body shot. He went to pick her up at the airport and she was at least 100 pounds more than what he thought, and it wasn’t a good experience. Other people actually walk out on their dates, so don’t be the one that someone walks out on.

Eddie V: I hate when people misrepresent. For instance, as a billionaire, I was flying my private jet and I had to take a cab to get to the restaurant and this woman didn’t believe me at all! I’m actually married. I’ve been married since before the cyber dating thing kicked in, so I’m not a real expert here, let’s talk about the horror stories – things that you’ve heard that have gone really wrong on some of these set up dates.

Julie: Well this is really interesting. It was just in the Sunday paper. The Times Free Press had a story that I was quoted in and there was a case where a woman on a very first date, a first online date, asked the guy to escort her to her grandmother’s funeral. And to make matters worse, she asked him to pretend to be a long time boyfriend so she wasn’t showing up with a date that nobody knew, so she wanted to pretend that they’d been dating a while. They never got to a second date.

Eddie V: That’s like the uh, there’s an Enterprise Rent a Car commercial like that where she asks the Enterprise guy to pretend to be her date. What else has happened? I know there’s awful stories that end with not funny endings.

Julie: Well, safety is important and everyone wants to feel safe, both online and offline, so I always recommend that singles meet in a public place and have a buddy and tell your girl friend or guys you hang out with the name of the person you’re meeting, their cellphone number, their Instagram name and name on any one of the websites you were on, and where you’re going. This way you can check in with them – take a bathroom break and let them know that you’re doing okay.

Eddie V: Yeah, I have divorced friends that are bouncing around and meeting up with these people and they’re not very happy. How would you say the percentage of guys on any given dating site are looking for one night stands but pretend to be looking for the right one? Is it high?

Julie: A LOT. But here’s the thing, online dating has grown so much in popularity. A recent PEW Internet Research Study showed that actually a demographic of 18-24 year olds, that went up by 400% in the last two years. So we are probably getting more millennials that are hooking up and ghosting and people that are looking for a more serious committed relationship, that perhaps just got divorced and are looking for somebody to share their life with.

Eddie V: Ah, ghosting. That’s the thing we’ve been talking about. We’ll get to that in just a little bit. What are the top sites, would you say, that people hook up on these days?

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Julie: Well everybody’s talking about Tinder, swiping right, or dating in a Tinder world. So Tinder has really become a huge, huge mobile dating app because it originally started and got popular on college campuses. The original people that were members of Tinder swiping right and left were millennials. Even my mother says, “What’s Tinder?” My mother’s not single, but she still asked me what Tinder was and I don’t think my mother wants to date as a grandma. So I would say that people that want to hook up, please do us a favor and say so on your profile. Go on a mobile app and say you’re not looking for anything serious, just looking for something casual or be really blunt and say “looking for a hookup” because there are women that want to hook up as well. Go ahead and find each other, but don’t pretend that you want to be Prince Charming or the knight in white armor, then basically come in at the end of the date and say let’s hook up. If that’s not what you want, just let somebody else swipe right on that particular profile.

Eddie V: This is very basic, but for people that don’t know, explain “swipe right” and “swipe left.”

Julie: I most certainly will. So what’s happens on mobile phones, whether you’re using it for dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or even Match.com’s app or OKCupid, a lot of them give you the opportunity to look at a profile. When you look at a photo of someone, you can click on it and read their bio, or you can just swipe right with your thumb – and that means “Yes, I’m interested” – or you swipe left, and that sends the message that “No, I’m not interested.” And if you swipe left, they go into Internet Heaven and they disappear permanently.

Eddie V: So it’s like blocking them if you swipe left.

Julie: If you swipe left they go away, and you have to be a mutual match – you both need to swipe right – before you can start a conversation or a chat.

Related: Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Eddie: Okay. I follow a certain account on Instagram that is one of those “Bye Felipe” things where these guys continue to bug women. So maybe they’ve had one date then they keep coming after them like “you weren’t so hot anyway,” is that from Tinder or is that not? If I wasn’t interested, I’d definitely swipe left and obliterate the person.

Julie: It’s really interesting, there’s stories of people who swipe left on someone because they weren’t interested and then the person tracked them down somehow on Facebook and said “You didn’t swipe right on me on Tinder. Why?” There are so many ways that you can actually connect with someone, between texting and Tinder, and Facebook and Snapchat, social media, and of course, WhatsApp, there’s so many ways to check up on someone to see if they’re swiping right or left, or even the last time they logged on.

Eddie V: So would it maybe be a good idea to just have a first name and a last letter or something and not use the same picture for Tinder as you do on Facebook?

Julie: Well the way Tinder works, is it DOES give a first name and a last initial, so I would be displayed as Julie S. if I was on Tinder. So you don’t know my last name, but if you look at the profile they will show you which friends on Facebook you have in common. As a result, you can become a cyber sleuth to be polite, or you can become a cyber stalker and go “We have that friend in common” and going to my friend’s page and seeing if there’s a girl named Julie, and boom there she is. I’m going to track her down. Guys, don’t do it. We want to feel safe.

Eddie V: So what is Bumble? I haven’t heard of that, but like I said, I’m not in this scene. What’s the difference between Tinder and Bumble?

Julie: I love Bumble! Bumble is really a lot of fun. The way Bumble works, and it’s very similar to Tinder, where you can swipe right if you’re interested and swipe left if you’re not. But they have an interesting twist to it. I call it the Sadie Hawkins of digital dating – the woman makes the first move. So if I’m on Bumble and you look great, I swipe right, and you cannot even find out about me until I’ve already approved you. And this gives women some sort of control, and guys like it as well. And the reason guys like it is because they’re so tired of swiping right on basically everyone, it’s a numbers game, and having nobody reply to them. So if a woman swipes right on someone on Bumble, then the man is notified. He already knows there’s a really good chance that if he writes to her, she will write back. So that’s a great thing about Bumble. One feature they have is that you can shake your phone to go back. What happens if you swipe left by mistake? You shake your phone and boom! you get that match back.

Eddie V: Oh, okay. And some people might say that’s sexist, but let’s face it, men tend to be the aggressors and the stalkers. And it works both ways, but men tend to be more gnarly when they come after you, so I like that. I like the option that the women have with Bumble. Alright, well we want to talk about ghosting. Can you hang on through the break here? People are going to love this because it’s happening everywhere and it’s happened to a bunch of our listeners. It’s Julie Spira from CyberDatingExpert.com and she’s on Facebook as Julie Spira, and @JulieSpira on Twitter. Am I right about that?

Julie: That’s right!

Eddie V: Alright, we’ll be right back. It’s Eddie V on WCGK. We’ll have more in a second.

(break)

Eddie V: We’re live in LA talking to Julie Spira. She has relatives in, did you say, Highland Park?

Julie: Yes, Highland Park.

Eddie V: I can see Highland Park from my window!

Julie: Wave hello to my cousins.

Eddie V: She’s the online cyber dating expert. CyberDatingExpert.com, and you have a book out! Just released is that right?

Julie: Yes! We recently re-released The Perils of Cyber Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and it’s filled with my juicy stories about my romantic journey of trying to replace the love of my life with an Internet mate.

Eddie V: Did you meet your boyfriend online?

Julie: Well, the love of my life, actually, I met him offline. But after 16 years apart, he found me on Facebook and came back for me. And that’s part of the epilogue and it’s a very, very sweet story for any hopeful romantic. There’s an audiobook version. We went into the studio and we had a great time in the studio recording it for Audible. It’s on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and in bookstores.

Eddie: And what is it called again?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating!

Eddie: Alright! We’ll look for it. So let’s talk about ghosting. Tell people what ghosting is.

Related: Confused: Is he Ghosting?

Julie: Ouch, okay. I’m sure many of you have been ghosted, maybe you didn’t even know that’s what it’s called. But when it’s time to call it quits these days, daters are disappearing – they’re just going MIA. You may have been in bed with them last night, and then they went completely off the radar, no text, block you on Facebook, and they just completely disappear. So what’s happening is breaking up isn’t hard to do anymore. A person just disappears digitally and they find it to be acceptable. And I don’t.

Eddie: Well here’s the thing, they used to say how horrible it was back in the day of breaking up by phone, but nowadays, yeah, ghosting is just where you flat out vanish. And if they’ve not been to your house, say you’ve only met them for a date somewhere, social media allows you to delete, block, even today’s modern cell phones you can block their calls. You can stop them from ever contacting you again, and basically, you become a ghost.

Julie: Ghosting has become a cultural phenomenon and a dating epidemic. These days, being ghosted is today’s dating world’s vanishing act. And you never know why. So the person who’s gotten ghosted, they don’t have closure and they’re wondering “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I appear too needy?” “Did I ask for commitment to fast?” “Did I sleep with him too fast?” And they sit there and they agonize over why the person disappeared and ghosted them.

Eddie V: And online it’s just a complete and utter lack of backbone that guys have, right?

Julie: Yeah, it’s really not a good thing to do. Here are some interesting tidbits – PlentyOfFish, very big, large free dating site that’s been around for a while, did a survey that came out about two months ago that showed that 80% of millennials between the ages of 18 to 33 have been ghosted. Which means they were dating somebody and all the communications just completely disappeared, no explanation.

Eddie V: Wow, what was that percentage? 80%?

Julie: Almost 80% of the millennials 18 to 33 have been ghosted or have ghosted someone. Those are big numbers.

Eddie V: Part of it is that they’ve been raised in social media times. That’s how you communicate, there’s not a lot of face to face. I’m a teacher at Illinois media school and you’ll occasionally find a few students that have been raised in front of their computer that are like geniuses, but they can’t hold a conversation face to face with you. There’s a lot of that going around.

Julie: You see it whenever you go to restaurants and families don’t talk to each other because they’re all talking on the phone. But I read something in the news about a fiancé who ghosted the bride two weeks before the wedding.

Eddie V: She had to know where he lived right?

Julie: He later resurfaced in Thailand.

Eddie V: Ohhhh, so he flat out moved!

Julie: He flat out left. Other country, other passport, who knows? But at the end of the day, this girl thought she was walking down the aisle, and he didn’t have the courage to break up with her in person. Not even in an email.

Eddie V: That’s just loss of human dignities, skills, and decency at this point. I mean, come on. That’s society decaying.

Julie: And it’s not just for everyday people. Ghosting’s been in the news for celebrities. Charlize Theron said she never ghosted Sean Penn, it became a big news story. Olivia Wilde said that she actually ghosted Jason Sudeikis after they first met. Everybody’s ghosting, but it’s not right.

Eddie V: No, it’s not. I don’t understand. Let me ask you about specific kinds of dating sites. Is that a good thing? SerialKiller.com – alright that’s a bad example. (to co-host) What did you call the one? Farmers?

Co-host: Farmers Only.

Julie: FarmersOnly.com – if you want to date a farmer, that’s where you go.

Eddie V: JDate is for Jewish people. Can you think of some other ones?

Julie: Christian Mingle. It’s also owned by the same people that own JDate. You’ve got OKCupid, one of my favorite sites that I really enjoy recommending. Match.com – it’s been around a long time.

Eddie V: Is OKCupid a specific kind of thing, or what?

Julie: No, OKCupid is a free site and it’s very, very simple to use. They also have a mobile app and it’s very easy to create a profile, it’s very simple, and start dating and communicating with people. But the interesting thing with OKCupid is if the date goes south, you have the opportunity to block the person where they can’t actually view your profile.

Eddie V: Kind of a form of ghosting ha ha.

Julie: It’s like saying “I wasn’t interested.”

Eddie V: Yeah, I guess. It’s still kind of taking the easy way out instead of telling them “You know what, I had a good time, but I just didn’t think this was working out.” What are some other specific ones?

Co-host: Black People Meet.

Eddie V: Black People Meet? Oh, okay.

Julie: We call these niche sites – those that are based on race or religion or farming or vegetarian sites or sites for pet lovers. There’s basically a site for just about everyone, and you just need to find the right site for you. So my number one recommendation is to try three sites. One large one like eHarmony, Match.com or PlentyOfFish, or try a niche site and see which one you actually connect with people or that you enjoy using the most.

14 Niche and Nutty Dating Sites

Eddie V: People might laugh about something like vegetarian or whatever, but it would make your going out to dinner choices a lot easier. There’s nothing worse than, like, “I’m going to take you to a nice steak place.” “I don’t eat meat.”

Julie: “Oops, sorry, I’m a vegan.” You don’t want to have those problems, you want to find something in common. And for someone who is a vegan, dating another vegan because they like to cook together and dine together, is really important. So you put it in your profile anywhere on a regular, mainstream site, such as Match.com, eHarmony or PlentyOfFish, and you also join a site that is specific for vegans.

Eddie V: Are there any sites that are specifically for hookups? Probably Craigslist!

Julie: I don’t recommend hookups. You won’t hear those words out of my mouth.

Eddie V: Yeah, no. Hey, by the way, before we get out, I want a couple more horror stories. For people that have had a bad experience, I want them to think that theirs couldn’t possibly be the worst once they hear yours.

Julie: Well, some of the stories that I shared in my book – there was one that was really kind of disturbing. I went on a date with someone, a long time ago, and we went to a lovely café and all of the sudden, he looked at me oddly and said very, very calmly, at first, “You look like my dead wife.” I didn’t know what to say. And I just kind of went “Oh, I’m sorry.” He didn’t stop. He kept saying “No, you look like my dead wife!” And then he started to get agitated, he must’ve yelled it. He stood up in the restaurant and said “She looks like my dead wife!” And he pulls out a picture of his recently deceased wife, and she did sort of look like she could’ve been my sister, but it was really an embarrassing moment.

Eddie V: Oh, this happened to you? Oh, man.

Julie: Me, it’s in the book.

Eddie V: Oh, wow.

Julie: He’s in the chapter called “The New York Transplant.”

Eddie V: Alright, it’s available – one more time, the name of the book is…?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating.

Eddie V: The Perils of Cyber Dating. She’s Julie Spira and she’s on CyberDatingExpert.com and hopefully on the show again a lot of times ’cause you never know if these guys are gonna break up with these long term girlfriends now that they’re big radio stars.

Julie: Thanks for having me. It’s been a blast.

Eddie V: Alright, Julie, thank you very much. I’ll send you the link this whole thing so we can repost it ’cause that’s what we do. Julie Spira on WCGK.

Listen to the link here:

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How to Date a Single Dad on Father’s Day

Father's Day - Cyber Dating ExpertIf you’re wondering if you should be joining the guy you’ve been dating on Father’s Day, here are some dating and relationship tips to honor the dad your adore in your life.

Since it’s almost Father’s Day and if you’re lucky enough to be dating a divorced or single man with children, it can be an exciting day to share together.

Keep in mind it’s also a day filled with emotions for all, especially his kids (and ex-wife).

5 Ways to Celebrate Father’s Day with the Man You’re Dating

1. New Relationship – If your relationship is new and you haven’t met his kids yet, let him enjoy the day alone with them. It’s not time to introduce the new girlfriend to the relationship. Remember to send a sweet text message in the morning wishing him a “Happy Father’s Day.” He’ll appreciate that you care enough to acknowledge the day and aren’t making the day all about you or the relationship status.

2. Already Met His Kids – If you’ve already met his kids and don’t have children of your own, have a conversation about how he wants to spend the day. He may or may not want to include you in the day if he’s concerned about his own time with his kids, so don’t take it personally. Offer to celebrate Father’s Day with him separately by suggesting making a home cooked dinner the night before as a “date night” or by giving him tickets to his favorite sporting or concert event for him and his children to go to together.

3. Blending the Families – If you have children of your own, don’t insist on blending the families if your children won’t be with their father or suggest splitting the time on Father’s Day between two families. Everyone will feel a bit left out with half of a celebration. Go ahead and let your date know you respect his time with his children and make other plans with your kids and go to a movie. Father’s Day is still a day to celebrate the mother in their life.

4. Gift-Giving – Don’t go buying him an extravagant gift if your relationship is new, give him a photo montage of just the two of you, or suggest going away for a romantic weekend trip. He might feel overwhelmed if you haven’t become serious or “Facebook Official” yet and could withdraw from the relationship into that man cave of his. Instead, send him an iTunes musical CD if he loves music from his favorite band, or send a fun e-card. I’m a big fan of JibJab filled with cute and whimsical animated music cards. It’s the thought that matters.

5. Don’t Assume You’re Included – If you’ve met his kids and see them on a regular basis, ask your guy if he wants to be alone with them on Father’s Day. Then ask him to talk about it with his children to see if they’d like to go out as a group or just with their dad. Maybe they will go golfing or bowling during the day and you can meet them later on for a barbecue. His kids will appreciate that you consider their feelings on the day that they celebrate their dad.

Remember, single dads are really interested in meeting women who want to share time with their children, at an appropriate time. Match reports that single dads are 56% more likely to email single moms than men without children. Eventually if your relationship progresses, you’ll be blending the families on his weekends, but don’t rush into it just yet.

How are you planning on celebrating Father’s Day this year?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates irresistible profiles and coaches singles on the dating scene. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice. Interested in improving your odds on Tinder? Check out SwipingRight to help you find your dream date.

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