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10 Best U.S. Cities to Find Love This Year

Love knows no boundaries

“Love knows no reason, no boundaries, no distance. It has a sole intention of bringing people together to a time called forever.” ~Unknown

When I coach singles who are looking for love online, they limit themselves by searching maybe 15 miles from where they live. I actually had one client who only wanted to search 5 miles from Beverly Hills. When I reminded her that the airport was further than 5 miles away and she’d be happy to meet a cute guy on the plane, I convinced her to change her geographic parameters.

Whether you’re single and hoping to find your soulmate, or just want to find companionship and are open to having a long distance relationship, this list of the best cities from Zillow, may make you reconsider changing your zip code on your online dating profile, or widen the search parameters on your favorite mobile app.

See Infographic Below

RELATED: Digital Dating: Tips for Long-Distance Love

Best Cities for LoveZillow took a list of new single residents moving to a metropolitan city, their median income, and a peek at the number of spots that were good to meet a date per 10,000 residents.
The results were heavily weighed towards the East Coast and Mid-West, while the West Coast (Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Diego) didn’t make it to the list this year.

Here’s where you should consider moving to, if your job and family aren’t tying you to the city you reside in.

  • Boston, MA –  This collegiate city has 66% of singles, with 159 date spots.
  • New Orleans, LA – Not just a Mardi Gras party town, they’ve ranked at 59% of singles.
  • Indianapolis, IN – Even on a non- racing day, this town has 56% of singles with 30 date spots.
  • Richmond, VA – Known for their street art, this city has 54% of singles with 30 date spots.
  • Louisville, KY – Headed to the Derby? Maybe you’ll want to stay, with 54% of singles and 29 date spots.
  • Memphis, TN – A visit to Graceland might convince you to hang around longer, with 57% of singles and 20 date spots.
  • Providence, RI – Little Rhode Island’s Capitol has 53% of singles and 49 date spots.
  • Cleveland, OH – Cleveland rocks, plus they have 53% of singles and 27 date spots.
  • Las Vegas, NV – The former “Sin City” has become a hot place with the best restaurants around. Plus they’ve got 54% of singles and 21 date spots.
  • Milwaukee, WI – A visit to Lake Michigan might find you one of 53% of singles at 25 date spots.

Zillow, who’s in the real estate business, reports that the majority of new home owners are married. So my advice is to cast a wide net before you put a ring on it, or decide to couple up and go house hunting.

RELATED: Would You Move for  Love?

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on  Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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Zillow - Best Cities for Love

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5 Gifts To Impress Your First Date

7 Ways to Find a Date for Valentine'sIt’s still possible to find a date for Valentine’s by just popping up your mobile dating apps.  Turn on your push notifications and be bold and agree to meet on Valentine’s Day.

With that in mind, if you score a date, what are you supposed to do about a gift? Should you give anything at all? Our guest blogger Michelle G.,CRS® offers these tips for Valentine’s gift ideas for a 1st time date.


Valentine’s Day reignites the conversation of whether a first date gift is appropriate. Some argue that it may be a bit “cheesy” to show your softer side on a first date, while others may feel the fear of their gift being rejected. My recommendation is to do what feels right for you.

In today’s competitive dating landscape, it’s all about the little details to help you stand out from the crowd. The rule of thumb for choosing a gift is to make your choice based on a previous conversation you had with your date. If you haven’t had a chance to glean any tips on what to gift just yet, here are some foolproof ideas to spark up your first date.

Here are 5 Simple Gifts to Give on a First Date

Flowers1. Flower Bouquet

Who doesn’t love flowers or a gift from nature? Flowers and plants are thoughtful, unisex and not too personal. If you didn’t know, there was a time when flowers where a traditional (and lovely) first date gift every woman loved. Stand out from the crowd, impress your date and start off on the right foot with a bouquet of red roses or white lilies.

P.S. Pick up red tulips from the grocery store. They’re a fraction of the cost of roses and you’ll have the same impact.

RELATED: 3 Online Dating Photos to Avoid this Valentine’s

2. Greeting Card

A thoughtful greeting card with an uplifting or inspirational message can also work miracles when you’re looking to stand out and make an impression on a first date. Your positive spirit can take you places you never thought possible, faster than you could imagine. Everyone can use a little extra cheer in their lives and you could stand out on your first date by turning up your positively with a thoughtful greeting card.

P.S. We love digital cards from JibJab!

Chocolate Chip Cookies3. Baked Goodies

If you’re meeting in a coffee shop, treat your date to a delicious pastry and watch how quickly you can control the ambiance and mood of your date. Be mindful of any food allergies, intolerances (gluten), or sensitivities (dairy) your date might have. You don’t want to inadvertently get them sick. To be sure, wait until they arrive at the coffee shop, ask them if they have a food intolerance, then offer a treat. You’ll be a rockstar for caring!

P.S. Bake some homemade cookies for both of you to share.

 

4. Chocolates

An oldie but a goodie… If you’re not sure what kind of chocolates your date likes, an incognito way of asking is to share insider information about your favorite foods and desserts first before asking them what they like. Then, by the magic of reciprocity, your date will feel compelled to share similar information with you and voilà; you’ll know what types of chocolates he or she likes… Try this simple technique on your next date!

P.S. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac!

RELATED: What do I do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day

5. Bottle of Wine

Coda WinesThis is an excellent gift idea for when you want to show off your classier side. In case you feel this is a risky move, just know that wine’s not too “forward” of a gift and it’s well accepted. While you may not know what type of wine your date prefers, it is the thought that counts! The best recommendation when selecting a bottle of wine is to go for a red Cabernet Sauvignon or a refreshing white Pinot.

P.S. You can ramp it up with a bottle of prosecco from the grocery store if you think your date likes bubbles or check out codawines.com, where their wines are inspird by music.

For more Valentine’s Day ideas, read our Valentine’s Day Survival Guide.

Follow @AskMichelleG on Twitter

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook

 

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3 Reasons Why Guys Ghost

Why Men GhostAs a ghosting expert, I’ve heard every wacky and excuse as to why someone ghosted you.

Imagine this scenario. You’ve been seeing a great guy for weeks now and you think this one’s a keeper.

You get daily texts from him, see him on weekends, and he’s called you his girlfriend.

Then one day out of nowhere, POOF. He’s gone. MIA. No texts. No calls. No dates. No closure.

Here are three reasons why guys ghost after a great date.

1. They have a girlfriend, and it’s not you.

Unfortunately there are lot of people dating when they’re not single. Perhaps the relationship is on a bumpy road, or maybe they want to look at other options. A survey has found that about 40% of people on Tinder aren’t even single. For these reasons, guys swipe right for validation, or because there’s something missing in their relationship. When it gets to the point of getting serious, they have to bail. The easiest way is to ghost and disappear.

READ MORE: Most Millennials Have Been Ghosted

2. They have commitment issues.

Some guys just can’t go the distance. They love the excitement of a new relationship, especially the chase. They go on three-week intervals and when they see they have to step it up to make a deeper commitment, they bail with no trail or reason why. This is painful for women who want closure. They think things are going well and then suddenly their BF goes MIA and ghosts.

3. They’re playing the field.

There’s a lyric in the Stevie Nicks song Dreams, “Players only love you when they’re playing.” Guys like these like to play the field and believe dating is a numbers game. Once their date card is overflowing, someone has to be deleted. When it’s you, you won’t know why. If they text you 3 times a day and call every day and see you on weekends, you think you’re in a relationship. The problem is, you’re just in rotation.

What should a woman do if she’s been ghosted?

The worst thing you can do is to keep trying to reach him. You will appear needy, obsessive, and it will be a turn off for a guy. If he disappears, just realize it’s his loss. There is no closure. You can be sure he’s ghosting someone else right now, while you trying to decide what to text him next.

READ MORE: Ghosted for the First Time

My best advice is to move on and be open to finding someone else. By the time he comes back, and he probably will, you might be in the arms of a great guy, where ghosting is not a part of his vocabulary.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating, Mobile Dating, and Ghosting Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online and helping heal hearts after someone’s been ghosted. Julie’s been crowned “Best Dating Coach” of the year at the iDate Awards and ranks as the most influential person in dating and online dating in social media.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook for dating and ghosting advice.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter

Photo credit: Fotolia

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3 Online Profile Photos To Avoid This Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, we’ve got you armed for everything including finding a date, selecting a gift, date ideas that are affordable, and how to create an Irresistible online dating profile.

Speaking of profiles, Cyber-Dating Expert friend, Michelle G., CRS® has some fabulous advice in her guest post: 3 Online Profile Photos to Avoid This Valentine’s Day.

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With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s a great reason to give your online dating profile a mini-digital makeover. The rise in photo-centric and location-based dating apps reveals that singles prefer the story your photos tell about you to reading your written answers.

Here are the 3 biggest profile mistakes when uploading photos to your online dating profile:

1. The Bathroom Mirror Selfie
Bathroom Selfie Shot

Nothing screams, “I’m lonely” louder than taking a picture of yourself in a cloudy bathroom mirror right before you head out for the night. It says, “I have no one who can take a decent picture of me,” plus it looks tacky and lazy.

MG Tip: If you’re going to take a selfie, use a selfie stick! Worried about a round face? Hold your phone vertically for a slimming effect. Have a long and angular face? Shooting a self on landscape mode (or holding the phone horizontally) will highlight your most flattering features.

RELATED: Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Every Relationship Stage

2. The Cropped-Out Ex

They’re your “ex” for a reason! Singles aren’t interested in seeing you with a past flame. Instead, they want to see the possibility of being a part of your life on their own two feet and without being blamed for past baggage.

MG Tip: If you’re looking through your phone for what photos to use without your ex or without a bunch of friends around you, it’s time to invest into a personal photoshoot.

RELATED: What Do I Do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out For Valentine’s Day?

3. The Inside Joke

Captions - Online Dating Profile

If you have to use a descriptive caption to tell the story of a picture, then that photo doesn’t need to be on your profile. Your photos shouldn’t require an explanation; they should be a glimpse into your lifestyle and adventures. There is a right time to be witty, but that time isn’t with your photo gallery.

MG Tip: The best types of photos are ones that show your open body language and a flirty smile. The key is for you to look approachable, even through your tablet’s screen!

According to a recent research study, you have approximately 3-6 seconds before a match makes a decision about whether to engage with you. Let your photos enhance your online profile; not take away from it.

About Michelle G.

Michelle G is a Certified Dating and Relationship Specialist (CRS)® and the author of the #1 best selling book, Relationship SOS: Seven Lifelines to Rescue Your Emotional Intimacy Now.  She is passionate about helping singles and couples answer the question, “How can I have the relationship I’m looking for?”… Michelle and her team focus on helping singles find the love of their lives through profile writing services and her online coaching programs. Her mission is to teach singles and couples the best practices for having healthy relationships–including the one you have with yourself.

Michelle is frequently featured in the media as a dating & relationships expert, and her articles have been featured in the Huffington Post, Singles Warehouse, and other national publications.

FOLLOW @AskMichelleG on Twitter

RELATED: 7 Tips to Get Lucky in Love This Valentine’s Day

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter

Photo credits: Fotolia


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Valentine’s Day Countdown – How to Land a Date

Valentine's Day - CyberDatingExpert.comTime is flying and it’s about 1 month until Valentine’s Day, the most romantic day for many, and a time others can’t stomach. It’s also a long weekend for many right now, so it’s time to come up with a dating strategy, both online and offline.Whether you love or hate Valentine’s Day, our annual  Valentine’s Survival Guide is here to help you leading into February 14th.

If you’re single, there’s no need to hide under the covers. If you’re dating someone, but he hasn’t asked you to be his or her Valentine just yet, here are some tips to enjoy the day, regardless of your relationship status.

Remember, Valentine’s is on a Tuesday this year, so if you aren’t celebrating on the 14th, you have an opportunity to book a romantic weekend away, while having a quiet Valentine’s Day snuggled up in the arms of your sweetheart. 

1. Ramp up Your Online  Search

Let’s face it, everyone seems to be online theses days, so if you’re not logging on twice EVERY day, checking your matches and responding quickly to his or her emails, some other girl or guy just might get their attention faster. I always say the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal. If you can carve out time to go to the gym, you should be able to schedule time to log on daily. Make sure you’ve signed up for push and email notifications of when someone has emailed you, liked you, flirted with your or made yo their favorite. Check out their profile and thank them for the compliment.  Ditch the old waiting game rules. This is how the digital dating world words.

2. Download New Mobile Dating Apps 

If you’re not on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Happn, or are using the mobile dating apps from your favorite online dating site, make more of an effort to download these apps now! January is the busiest month for NEW online and mobile dating log ons. The numbers are HUGE, so we want you to jump right in to meet someone special. 

3. Start Swiping Right

Being proactive on mobile dating apps is the only way to fill your date card. Open your apps and swipe right to your matches if they are at least 50% of what you’re looking for. Now is not the time to be swiping left.  It’s really a numbers game. Unless your match is advertising for a hookup or looks like an a total freak, then swipe right and take a moment to say hello. A guy will be flattered to see the notification that you’re digging him digitally. Remember to take your relationship from online to offline so you can meet IRL. This means a few chats back-and-forth and then a MANDATORY phone date. Keep the date to 20 minutes with the goal of getting a second date on the calendar.

4. Attend Singles Events

The one thing about singles events is, everyone is in the same boat. They’re single and are hoping to connect with someone. Check out Match.com’s Stir events in your city with happy hours and fun games, RSVP to a MeetUp for a subject you’re passionate about, and attend business networking events that seem to ramp up the after the first of the year. The more you’re out there in the public, the more opportunities you have to flirt with a potential date. Remember not to be too coy. Be bold and smile.

Dr. Pat Allen, my mentor and author of”Getting to ‘I Do’,” suggests the five-second stare. It may feel like an eternity, but it may bring you closer to that cute guy across the room. P.S. Remember to wear red! It’s the color of love and romance and is backed up by tons of research studies to be known to attract men.

Related: Read Valentine’s Survival Guide

5. Text an Ex

Did you know that 20% of singles do text an ex on or around Valentine’s Day? So if both of you are single, why not get together and go down memory lane. Just make sure you’re BOTH on the same page and just enjoy the evening. You may not be rekindling that old romance, but the familiarity might just make it a fun evening rather than flying solo. Or, you might rekindle the romance and realize that the other people you dated while apart just didn’t match up to your ex.

Read: Holiday Dating: 5 Tips on Getting Back with an Ex

6. Lighten up on the Pressure and do Something Fun

From going to an amusement park to ride the Ferris Wheel to taking a cooking class or going ice skating, make Valentine’s Day a no-pressure experience if you’re in a new relationship and aren’t exclusive yet. There’s no need to break the bank.

Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?

Grab your BFF’s, dress in pink or red, and head to the movies or a concert together. Valentine’s Day isn’t always about love. It’s about spending quality time with someone you really like.

Whatever you do, DON’T GHOST your date leading up to Valentine’s Day. It’s just uncool, period.

Read: 10 Fun Valentine’s Date Ideas

Are you a fan or foe of Valentine’s Day?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert, on Instagram and Twitter, and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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New Year’s Dating Resolutions for 2017

Happy New Year in love

We’re getting ready for 2017 and many of you are so done with 2016. It was a bumpy road for relationships, life, love, politics, loss of musical geniuses, and more.

For those who have the tradition of making New Year’s resolutions, here’s some wise dating advice to add to your list.

Before you say, “bah humbug,” if your holiday was filled with Aunt Sally asking about your relationship status, or your friends changing theirs to the point that you slammed your computer shut and deleted all mobile dating apps, now’s the time, before New Year’s for singles who dreaded the holiday and are ready for a new beginning. So along with the new diet and gym membership, joining a dating site and hiring a dating coach has become a BIG priority. In fact, the phone is ringing off the hook and we are getting booked solid the first week of the new year for new Internet dating profiles, so get ready for the ride!

Match Predicts Dating Sunday on January 8th

Our friends at Match have told us that they predict Dating Sunday to be held on Sunday, January 8th, where it’s expected to be the BUSIEST day of the year for new online dating signups at 8:49pm/ET.

During this time, Match reports they plan to see a 42% spike in new singles coming to the site to meet someone.  Dating Sunday falls within Match’s Peak Season, which is going on RIGHT NOW and spans from December 26th to February 14th, where they expect to see these enormous numbers:

  • More than 50 million messages sent
  • 5 million new photos being uploaded
  • 1 million dates taking place

PlentyofFish Predict Dating Sunday to be on January 1st

Our friends over at PlentyOfFish tell us that their busiest day of the year will be a week earlier on Sunday, January 1st. POF expects signups expected to reach an extraordinary 110,546, a 48% increase above the average daily rate in 2016.

Yes indeed, everyone will be looking for love in 2017.

POF’s stats illustrate a changing dating landscape, with more singles than ever trying online dating for the first time. 2016 saw 18,176,325 first-time PlentyOfFish signups, and over half a billion conversations between members (600,325,016, to be exact).

  • Signups on PlentyOfFish will peak at 2pm PST on Sunday, January 1, 2017

  • Sunday, January 8th, will be the second busiest for PlentyOfFish, with an expected 103,910 signups

  • Projected PlentyOfFish signups for January 2017 are expected to exceed 2.5 million

So how do you jump on the digital love bandwagon?

Our Irresistible Profiles Coaching programs come in a variety of levels, from Going Steady, a profile critique to Totally in Love, with a brand new profile and 30 days of unlimited text/email support, to our VIP Digital Matchmaker plan for the most serious of singles, which includes a new profile and 10 private coaching sessions.

So get out of fear mode, stop ghosting, stop swiping without meeting IRL, and come to the digital party with all the tools you need for a happy and loving 2017.

Make it your New Year’s resolution to live your life with authenticity –Online, offline, and where ever you may swipe or roam.

If you need some help in getting started with your online dating profile, contact us and we’ll help you create that IRRESISTIBLE Profile to help you stand out among the millions of online daters.

Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter, where you’ll also be able to download for free the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Wishing you much love and joy in 2017.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for Dating Advice

P.S. We are SO EXCITED to be a finalist for Best Dating Coach in the iDate Awards. Please vote for us to win at idateawards.com so we can come home with a trophy to be proud of. 

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Dating in a Snow Storm

Snowstorm - Cyber Dating Expert

Baby it’s cold outside!

Many of you have already been snowbound this season. I know it’s snowing in the midwest and other areas.   If you’re going to be snowbound at all this winter,  here are some ways to have fun with your date or still feel attached until it’s safe to go out and play again.

1. Go on a Skype or FaceTime Date

Still have electricity or a full battery on your computer? Get dressed up with what you’d wear on a date, remember to put on your lipstick ladies, and both of you grab a glass of wine or bubbly for the occasion. Log on and have a virtual date rather than canceling.

2. Answer these 36 Love Questions

A Modern Love column on the New York Times reads, To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This. These questions from Psychologist Dr. Aron suggest they can help you fall in love with anybody. Some questions include: Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life and Tell your partner something that you like about them. This exercise should help you get to know each other better and has been known to be responsible for some marriages.

Not sure if that’s realistic or not? Why not give it a try.

3. Binge Watch on Netflix

Snuggled up with your date? Why not spend the day or evening binge watching some romance on Netflix if you can’t be at work. From House of Cards to Scandal and New Girl to Madmen, you’ll be bonding with your sweetie and won’t be able turn off the TV.

4. Build a Snowman

If you can make it to his or her home, bundle up and go outside to build a snowman or make a snow angel. It’s playful and will bring you back to your youth. In between, indulge with a snowball fight or two.

5. Create an Indoor Scavenger Hunt

If the geography and transportation allow you to keep your scheduled date, a great way to make it fun and flirty is to create a treasure or scavenger hunt in your home. To do this, place romantic clues in envelopes around your house and number them. At each location, there will be a love note with suggestions for a kiss, a back rub, a foot massage, or whatever your imagination will allow.

6. Write a Traditional Love Note.

If your electricity is out and the battery life has expired on your mobile phone, light a candle and grab and pen and paper. It’s time to get traditional and draft a hand-written love note. When you get together for your rescheduled date, hand him or her an envelope to open. You’ll be surprised how it will be received.

Will you be canceling your dates or be taking a digital approach to stay in touch?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.  For more relationship advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter and join the conversation on #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 8pm/ET.

Photo credit: Fotolia

VOTE FOR JULIE SPIRA, FINALIST AS BEST DATING COACH HERE

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It’s Cuffing Season. What Does That Mean for Singles?

Cuffing SeasonCuffing Season is Here

Bundle up! The leaves are turning colors, fall is officially here, it’s getting chilly outside, and singles and couples alike are starting to think about curling up with someone special for the holidays.

This is what happens in the fall. It becomes ‘Cuffing Season,’ when the desire to couple up for the holidays is at an all time high.

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and summer romances fizzle out. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.

In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that I’ve witnessed several relationships fail in the fall and new ones become solidified by November.  Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.

So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

READ: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON

It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and instagram for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

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What Happens to Relationships When Summer Ends

text end of summer on beach

Summer Love Affairs

From teenage crushes to boomers with empty nests, something odd happens around Labor Day weekend for many relationships. When you hit the 3-month mark, the honeymoon phase, it’s common to see a shift. It may be a tell tale sign that your relationship can’t go the distance, or you just might be getting tested for the next phase.

For those flying solo, the end of summer can be a reflective time thinking about your relationship status as you head into the holiday season, kicking off with Labor Day.

When summer is over, wardrobes change in closets, the temperature starts to dip, and inevitably a summer romance, one that went from Memorial Day to Labor Day, often runs its course. It’s often a time where relationships fall by the wayside. Before you call it quits, read this entire post to determine if your relationship is worth saving. If you’re already single, then I have good news for you. You’ll be in good company with many others who are looking for someone just like you and this weekend will be hopping digitally, big time.

Also, with students leaving for college, some students will find themselves in a long-distance relationship, which has its own set of challenges.

Single parents with children going back to school, will find their calendars split between parent-teacher meetings and filling up their date cards. It’s a new season, so get ready for the ride.

If you’re logging on to dating sites more often this weekend, you’re not alone. Sunday will be a peak day of the holiday weekend for new sign ups and log ins for singles who’d like to change their status to “In a Relationship” before the year is over.

Does a Change of Season Mean Your Relationship Has to End?

With the change of seasons, how do you know if you can handle a long distance relationship this fall? If your significant other is still in town, how do you know if your passionate summer love was just a fling or the real thing?

If you notice your relationship is tapering off as we lead into Labor Day, should you part ways as friends now that summer is over and wish each other well, or sign up for another season of love? These I can guarantee you are questions that you will be asking yourself. I suggest you take the time to really think about the next relationship stage.

Related: How to Handle the Dreaded Pull Back

The Four Seasons of a Long Term Relationship

I’ve always said that long-term relationships should go through multiple seasons to determine if you’re compatible with your significant other or not. Yes, winter, spring, summer and fall. All of them, each with their unique beauty and differences can help you pass the test of time.

First Three Months

As cliché as it sounds, we know there is some validity to the three-month honeymoon phase. At first, you’ll find everything about the other person to be exciting. It’s like having a first crush all over again. From giggles and hiccups to their exercise regime, you just suck it all in like a sponge that won’t dry out in those early days, especially in a summer romance. All those cute text messages are becoming part of your daily regime. It gives you a high just to hear the customized sound of your partner’s text tone.

When these relationships peak in the summer, it’s often hard to tell whether it’s lust or love with all of the outdoor heat, but oddly, as the summer ends, it’s not unusual to start receiving less text messages from your beau, or to want to spend more time with your friends instead. The days in between getting together seem to be getting longer while the days start to become shorter. The routine of your love life just isn’t as exciting as it used to be.

Months 3-6

During months 3-6, the “imperfect stage,” don’t be surprised if your single friends see your steady sweetie’s profile reactivated online. He or she may just be fishing to see who else might send a text or email, even if they aren’t setting up any dates. Then a Facebook check in mysteriously appears when someone is supposed to be home sick and boom, they’re busted and you’re in tears. During this phase, you should be enjoying time with each others’ friends and family to see how everyone fits in, or not.

If you can relate to these feelings or sequence of events, the problem may not be with the calendar, but more often-than-not be related to serious commitment issues that one of you may be struggling with.

The next think you know, someone isn’t sure if they’re feeling it anymore. Rather than be honest about the relationship, they’re cultivating conversations on Facebook with high school or college pals to create distance, and the trust dissipates. It’s the beginning of the end and it hurts big time.

Weather changes, months change, routines change and even those relationships with the best of intentions run their course. At the end of the summer, it’s like the end of the calendar year. People reevaluate their relationship statuses and decide whether to renew for another three months.

Related: What to Do When He Pulls Back

By months 6-9 and 9-12, you’re probably in a committed relationship. You’ve defined the relationship and might even talk about moving in together or the future.  This doesn’t mean you won’t feel a shift at the end of the summer. It might be just a bump on the road, but it’s a time to review your relationship status and see if you’re on the same page.

What to Do if Your Summer Romance is Fading

If you feel a distance growing between the two of you, this is what you need to do.

Have the conversation first with your partner sooner, rather than later.

Don’t toss away the relationship so quickly. Acknowledge all of the amazing things you’ve done together as a couple and honor the memories you’ve shared. Ask the other person if there’s anything they can do to keep the relationship alive. Space apart isn’t the end of the world, or even the end of your relationship. Often someone needs some time to miss the other and pulls back to regain their sense of self and individuality.  Remember, bumps on the road are an opportunity for personal growth within a relationship, and are not necessarily the beginning of the end.

Say goodbye gracefully.

If at the end of your conversation, you feel you aren’t compatible or if someone has already strayed, wish each other well before you start logging on or swiping right on your mobile apps looking for a replacement.

If it’s really over, it’s important to mourn the loss of your relationship, because your friendship, bond and the daily connectivity will abruptly end. Trying to get together immediately as friends during this emotional time is not a good idea. It will backfire. There’s no such thing as a mutual breakup where everyone is happy. One person might think it will lessen their guilt. I’m here to tell you that it won’t. You fell in love with someone for a reason, not a season.

Related: Time to Let Go of Your Ex

Take a breather and make time for you!

If you find that your summer love has ended, don’t reactivate your online dating profile or mobile dating apps for at least a week. Sure it’s great for your ego to get people lining up to meet you for dates, but it isn’t fair for someone new not to get the best version of you. Dating while you’re still pining away for your ex can increase your sadness. You’re a walking-wounded person and it’s healthy to take a break.

Can you Really be Friends with Your Ex?

Some people stay friends with their ex’s and have no problem with it, but I can tell you it doesn’t happen seamlessly and instantly. My ex-boyfriend is one of my best friends, but it took time to get to that point and we had a serious talk about boundaries. Also the guy I originally wrote this article about three years ago just sent a text over Labor Day weekend, after disappearing many years ago.

After enough time has gone by and you both have moved on with other relationships, it’s possible to be friends with your summer romance in another season, but in my experience, you truly need at least three to six months to segue a romantic relationship into a real friendship (without benefits or jealousy).

But then again, do you really want to be friends with someone who broke your heart?

If you’re ready to find a serious relationship, contact us now for our Labor Day Special of 20% off Irresistible Profiles  and become one of our many success stories!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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7 Online Dating Photo Tips to Rock Your Summer Profile

Match tells us things will be heating up this summer online, specifically on June 27th, the busiest day of the summer. They asked me to write a post for their blog with some tips to freshen up your online dating profile for summer.

As someone who’s been creating dating profiles for two decades, I can tell you that neglecting to refresh your profile and keeping it stagnant might result in an empty date card. Ouch. It’s summer and you should be having fun, right?

Since you switch your wardrobes for the summer season (out with the wool and in with the white), let’s do the same with a digital facelift for your online dating and mobile dating profile photos.

Photos

Men and women are visual creatures by nature, it’s just a fact of life! The first thing we see about anyone is their face, so profiles without even one photo will be passed over in a digital moment.

  1. What’s the number? Besides your main profile photo, you should have a handful of other pictures that depict you in different settings and showcase your personality. In my opinion, five is the magic number of photos to upload to your profile. Four to six is perfect. Anymore, post them on social media instead. Any less, and someone will wonder what you’re hiding.
  2. Grab a BFF and Have a Photo Party. Don’t like taking pictures of yourself or find it impossible to decide on the best pictures of you? One fun and easy way to snap more pictures of yourself is to grab a best friend and either a digital camera or high quality smartphone camera. Then, put on a your own fashion show by shopping in your closet and picking out 3-5 great outfits that make you feel your best!
  3. Use Social Media Photos. Another tip is to head over to your Facebook profile and grab your best, smiling/happy pictures to add to your dating profile. Make sure to caption the photos with the location and date the photo was taken so members will know they’re recent.

 

4. Wear red! For the ladies, you should ditch the little black dress so you don’t look like every other profile photo. Research from the University of Rochester has shown that photos of women wearing red get more views and more dates than any other color. Red is the color of love and passion, so it’s a no-brainer!

5. Ditch the selfies. We are dating in a selfie-crazed world, so it’s more than normal for your Instagram feed to be loaded with fun selfies. However, for your dating profile, selfies don’t always make you look your best or most social. Have someone you trust to hold your phone when you have the urge to take a selfie for dating profile purposes.

6. Look to the left. Studies have shown that when you look to your left, your best emotions will shine. However, if you’re looking to the right in your favorite photo, that’s no problem! Just use some photo editing software or a simple photo editing app to reverse the image to get a left side-facing photo.

7. Wear summery outfits. Find something fun, colorful, and summer-like to wear in your profile shots. A well-fitted t-shirt and jeans works well for the guys, whereas ladies do best in a flirty sundress. To speak more to the season, take down the snow skiing shots and replace them with photos that show summer-based activities, like water skiing or lounging by the pool. That said, try to avoid posting any sort of swimsuit picture — you don’t want to show too much too soon.

To read the full post with more tips, check Match.com’s blog here!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and as an early adopter of online dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.  Julie ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” in social media. Follow her @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

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