Baby it’s cold outside! It’s that time of year when holiday invites are pouring in and your single status might make you want to hide under the covers.
It’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.
The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet. Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.
One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.
Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.
I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.
1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane
Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?
2. Fill that date card and stay organized
Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.
3. Block your ex’s profile
If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.
4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship
They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.
5. Discuss holiday gift giving
Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.
6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters
The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.
7. Swipe Right
I know you’re attached to your mobile phone. Perhaps you’re waiting for a text from that cutie you had a date with last week. Maybe you’re swiping left to every potential match. I say, take a chance and swipe right more than left. Even if he or she won’t be your dream date, they might invite you to a holiday party or introduce you to a friend. It’s time to cast a wide net.
8. Accept ALL holiday invitations
If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.
9. Online Love is a year-round event
People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.
10. Fall in love with you
At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps them shorten their search to find their one in 50 million.
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Just in time for the holidays, along with a dream trip to Disneyland, if you’re single and love EVERYTHING Disney, this new online dating site, MouseMingle might bring you a date or a jingle or two.
Their tag line is, “Find Your Mickey or Minnie.”
According to Los Angeles magazine, MouseMingle a niche dating site which launched on December 1st., was created by Culver City resident, Dave Tavres, for people obsessed with all things Disney.
Tavres tells LA mag writer Chris Nichols, “Niche dating sites are more common these days. “There’s a dating site for pot lovers and JDate for Jewish people. The first time I saw Farmers Only I thought it was a Saturday Night Live sketch.”
Signing up for MouseMingle is simple and it’s free to view profile and photos. Communicating with potential matches will cost $12.55/month. The 55 cents represents the year that Disneyland first opened.
Disney fans can share their passions of their favorite rides, characters, films and more with each other.
Of course, scheduling a date to a Disney theme park or renting a Disney movie would be logical date ideas for MouseMingle members.
As a dating expert, I have always recommended that singles join at least two, if not three online dating sites. Niche dating sites have been growing in popularity over the past several years. To meet like-minded singles, adding a niche dating site to your dating docket will increase your chances of meeting someone special.
From DateGinger (a site for redheads) to 420Dating (a site for potheads), there’s a niche dating site for you.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
The easiest solution is to log onto your favorite online dating site or mobile dating app and start swiping and writing to that cutie who has been sending you sweet little nothings, right?
Here’s the problem with rushing to respond to every email or text. You may be breaking the rules of netiquette.
- The auto-correct has become your worst nightmare.
- It doesn’t matter that you have multiple degrees and a big bank balance.
- What does matter is when you rush to reply and your grammar is a complete mess.
- Typos make you appear lazy and actually unintelligent.
The trend is to be casual when sending a text or email and if it’s to someone you’ve known for a while or a friend, it’s acceptable to abbreviate words. If you’re looking to make a great first impression in a crowded digital dating playground, you’ll be ignored or he or she will probably swipe left.
Here are a few examples of first texts and emails that will get ignored and how to fix them.
hey….saw your txt. wanna hang out this wknd?
What’s wrong with this one?
- hey. Horses hang out in hay. It’s too casual and you won’t appear like boyfriend or girlfriend material. You also haven’t taken the time to capitalize the letter H in hey. Swipe left.
- saw your txt. The caps button is there for a reason. It’s goal is to help you write a sentence where the first word is capitalized. txt, well why can’t you add one more letter and say text?
- Wanna hang out this wknd? Wanna isn’t a word, but you already knew that. wknd is short for weekend, but you knew that as well.
How r u doing?
What’s wrong with this one?
- r u. I know it’s obvious, but it again doesn’t show you at your most intellectual best.
- Take the time and write something more personal in a full sentence. A good example would be: Hi Patty! Happy Wednesday. How’s your day going so far?
Still stumped? I put together a list of 20 Flirty messages to capture his or her heart. Use this as your digital cheat-sheet and remember, sending a good morning and a good night text to someone you have a crush or your current girlfriend or boyfriend will make them think warm fuzzy thoughts about you all day and even into their dreams at night.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
If you think that swiping left and right on mobile dating apps is the quickest way to snag a date, I encourage you to cast a wider net.
When it comes to digital dating or flirting on a variety of social networking apps such as SnapChat, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook, the need to respond quickly takes over. I say, take a big digital breath and follow these steps to do it right.
In a recent interview for the magazine SOS Solteiros in Brazil, I shared some of my favorite flirting tips for dating on Instagram.
- Take it Slow. There’s a fine digital balance between being social media friendly, or coming across as a stalker. Start out by following your digital crush’s feed on Instagram and wait a few days before you start clicking on the heart to like his or her updates. Resist the urge to obsess over their Instagram page and instead, add locations to your posts on Instagram to enhance your own posts.
- Search for Favorite Hashtags. If you’re a basketball fan, search for the hashtag of #basketball and start following people who post frequently on that subject. If you’re a music lover, make sure your posts have the hashtag of #music and look for others who are passionate about music, concerts, or musical instruments.
- Turn on Post Notifications. If you want to make sure to find out when your digital crush posts a new photo on instagram, you can easily be notified. To do so, click on their profile. Click on the three dots on the upper right hand corner of their profile. In the drop down, click on “Turn on Post Notifications.” Boom. You no longer have to stalk their profile to see what they’ve been up to.
- Comment every few days. Once you have started following someone you’d like to get to know better, start commenting on their posts. Take it a step further and make sure to mention their Instagram handle in your comment. For example type, What a great quote @JulieSpira! This way the person will get notified that they’ve been mentioned by you and can respond.
- Use Emoticons and Emojis. They are fun and flirty and belong in your comments. Hearts, smiley faces, musical notes, apple pie. You get it. Go less on the word count and ramp up those cute icons to show you indeed are a digital flirt.
- Start Chatting Privately. Since Instagram doesn’t let you chat privately, head over to Facebook and send a friend request, but only after you’ve spent time commenting on each other’s posts. If your advances are one-sided, and they aren’t following you back, don’t send a friend request, as you might appear like a stalker. If you have friends in common on Facebook, there’s a greater chance your new crush will accept your request.
Are you flirting and finding love on Instagram? We’d love to hear your stories.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For digital hand-holding, check out Irresistible Profiles and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
My how time flies! It’s hard to believe that we are in the final month of the year, the month where we celebrate with friends and loved ones, decorate our homes, and fill our calendars with holiday parties.
December is also the time of year where singles want to couple up BIG time and looking for love online is at the top of the list.
I shared in a previous blog the article in the New York Post, where a survey from our friends at Match showed that the number one gift for singles is…. a date. Yes indeed. Finding a date for the holidays ranked higher than picking out the latest tech gadget.
With that in mind, here are 5 online and mobile dating tips to help you find love and your one in 50 million online.
- Swipe Right. Yes. Apps like Tinder are responsible for some serious relationships, so ditch your old thoughts about hookups only with mobile dating apps and start swiping right.
- Favorite your Digital Crush. Online dating is a numbers game, but it’s so easy to get lost in the digital shuffle. To stand out, Super Like your match on Tinder, say yes to your daily matches on Match, and favorite or hot list someone to get their attention
- Don’t Wait. Initiate. Just because someone viewed your profile, doesn’t mean you should sit back and wait for the email to arrive. To fill your date card, you MUST be proactive. That means logging in daily, seeing who viewed your profile, and writing to 5-10 new people a day.
- Snap New Photos. While your Facebook and Instagram profiles are up-to-date with fresh new photos, your online dating profile just might need a digital face-lift. The first place to start is with the photos. Grab a few from your social networking sites or better yet, enlist the help from a friend who has a great digital camera. Snap 100 photos in 5 different outfits and have a photo selection party with your BFFs. They’ll help you select the best pics. P.S. Remember to wear red and ditch the little black dress. Red is the color of love, passion, and the stop sign. It’s also the signature color for the holidays.
- Meet IRL. The point of Internet dating isn’t to have a digital pen-pal. It’s to meet someone amazing who you click with, who you can think about every morning when you wake up. You can’t find him or her if you don’t take your relationship from online to offline. Schedule a short phone chat and if the chemistry is there, add him or her to your date card and meet in person.
As always, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
A few years ago on Cyber Monday, The New York Post published an article that caught the eye of many singles entitled, Best Holiday Gift is a Date.
Forget the lingerie or tech gifts, if you’re single, you really want a great date, right?
On a day where shopping frenzy is at an all time high, singles are more worried about finding a date. It’s true that finding a date for the holidays is the number one stress for singles now.
Match says their traffic increases by almost 23 percent during the holidays. They claim that 59.5 percent of those polled said they’d prefer a kiss over a new laptop on New Year’s Eve.
Match found that 48 percent of respondents listed in their poll said finding someone to share the holiday with as their biggest end-of-the-year worry, while only 23 percent said they’re most anxious about finding the perfect present.
As an online dating expert and relationship coach, I agree with their findings.
Remember, if you’re a single woman who wants to couple-up, there are many single men who feel the same way during the holidays.
Let me help you find your dream date for the holidays and make it a better experience for you by creating your Irresistible online dating profile.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Breaking up on Facebook isn’t a piece of digital cake. The amount digital housekeeping and detoxing from your ex can be overwhelming. Add on top of it, your friends who have watched your courtship dissolve as you changed your status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” may have a lot to say about it.
I’ve always said the most powerful status on Facebook is the relationship status. Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site. Couples find love on Facebook and many have been featured in Facebook Love Stories.
People are obsessed with when their friends change their status. They love to cheer you on when you post photos of your romantic journey together.
Since our fascination with the Facebook relationship status will never wane, I was thrilled to see that Facebook just announced a new tool that will help ease the digital pain during a breakup. You no longer have to cut the cord and unfriend or block your ex when it’s time to split up. After all, some people just have a bump on the road and get back together again, so why obliterate your ex completely, especially if it’s just temporary?
According to the Facebook blog, these new Facebook tools allow you to see less of your former flame, by preventing his or her status updates and posts to appear in your feed and help you easily untag yourself from photos of the two of you together.
“.. we are testing tools to help people manage how they interact with their former partners on Facebook after a relationship has ended. When people change their relationship status to indicate they are no longer in a relationship, they will be prompted to try these tools.”
I think these are terrific features, as I know many people instantly block their ex, without the ex even knowing so, and then back-peddle and send a new friend request, out of embarrassment, once they’ve kissed and made up.
The thing is, do we really need to see what our ex is doing, especially if they are in the arms of another man or woman? How can one move on if they don’t digitally detox from their ex on Facebook?
This interim feature is one that I highly recommend and it’s started to roll out on the mobile app. Sure you might hate your ex right away, but if they were important in your life, at some point you and your ex might be able to be friends if both of you have happily moved on with others.
Should You Be Friends with an Ex on Facebook?
I don’t believe in being friends with an ex on Facebook, at least not right away. When a former boyfriend blocked me and unfriended me when we went our separate ways, I thought it was quick and cruel. I did understand that he was trying to heal and that seeing photos of me and us together prevented him from moving on. I actually didn’t really want to see details of his dating life either. We had the talk about what to do on Facebook and mutually decided it was the best way to go. Then one day, he went onto his Facebook page and untagged himself from every photo we had appeared in together and deleted every photo, including group photos. The process took him hours to complete.
Had this Facebook breakup feature been in place, it would have saved him and many others the long arduous and painful task of removing the past on the world’s largest social network.
Still, for someone with a failed relationship, when they post that they’re no longer in a relationship on Facebook, their friends instantly jump in and want to know why. They’ll get a bunch of digital sympathy, but when you’re in pain, it can sting both online and offline.
My question to you is, would you use Facebook’s breakup tools or just let the digital chips land where they may?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the creator of FacebookLoveStories.com and helps singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs and Online Dating BootCamps. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
In version 4.7.0, users can now add the school they attended as well as where they work, which will both add more authenticity to your profile, as well as give a few ice breakers for those to decide whether to swipe right or left and start a conversation if you match.
While many social networks such as Facebook allow you to list the school you attended to attract other alumni, and the name of your employer, Tinder is following in their digital footsteps to help you find a date.
Still on the shy side? You can use their editing and privacy features to decide whether you want your school and employer to appear on your profile.
These days, more singles want to know you’re for real. Finding out which friends you have in common and seeing a mobile dating profile that mirrors some of your Linkedin profile features, can make a woman feel safer about swiping right. With their latest algorithm updates, the new ‘Super Like’ feature, and more, Tinder is reaching singles with a variety of dating goals. Say goodbye to hookups only and ‘Tinder Moments’ and say hello to your friends-of-friends, co-workers, and classmates.
Tinder also highlights your new matches at the top of the screen with a circle with their photos and their names. This new interface, instead of just a horizontal list is actually a great look and you can easily see who has ‘Super Liked’ you and who you’ve matched with to start a new convo.
In an interview with Business Insider, Sean Rad, CEO of Tinder says, “This update is part of a wider push by Tinder to give you more relevant information about someone before you decide to swipe left or right.”
To add your school and job to your Tinder profile here are the steps.
- Go to the app store and update to the latest version of Tinder
- Click on View Profile and Edit Info.
- Under your bio, you’ll see Current Work and School. This has been pulled from Facebook. You can freely delete one or the other. Maybe you won’t mind telling what school you attended, but don’t want a Tinder date showing up on your doorstep at work.
P.S. You can connect your Instagram profile to Tinder, but if you’ve got a bunch of photos in the arms of another man or woman, you might not want to utilize that feature.
Are you enjoying the new features of Tinder?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and was recently featured in the Vice Documentary, The Mobile Love Industry, along with Tinder CEO Sean Rad. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s starting to get chilly outside and singles and couples alike are starting to think about bundling up with someone special for the holidays. Just yesterday, we had rain in Los Angeles, which is unusual and I bundled up with my ski parka as the temperatures dipped.
In case you haven’t heard of it, it’s officially ‘Cuffing Season.’ You might wonder what exactly ‘Cuffing Season’ is, so here’s the scoop.
What is Cuffing Season?
Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and the leaves start to fall on the ground. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.
In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that several of my relationships started in the fall and solidified in November to being exclusive. Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.
So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.
It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.
If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!
If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.
Happy Cuffing Season.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
In this episode, I critique Karley’s Tinder profile and as her mobile dating coach, help her get ready to swipe right for a great date night.
The entire segment will feature an interview with Sean Rad, founder of Tinder and will highlight several mobile apps including Happn and Her. It’s estimated that 70% of singles will meet online and about half of that number are already using mobile dating apps.
From Los Angeles to London, Paris to New York, watch how Karley navigates the world of mobile love with the help of her cell phone.
Watch as I help her swipe to success!
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Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.