It was a lively discussion and debate at the Santa Monica Public Library, where I was invited to join author Mark Miller in a discussion on digital dating. Mark spoke about his book, 500 Dates and I spoke about why I wrote The Perils of Cyber-Dating and became an online dating expert to help singles looking for love online to find their one in 40 million.
When I asked for a show of hands, it appeared that 80% of the audience had tried online dating, yet they were filled with pain and frustrated with the process. Something wasn’t working and they were all-ears to hear how to improve their profiles to find a meaningful relationship.
Here are seven simple tips to change your profile right away to help you fill your date card by the weekend.
1. Create a catchy screen name
Jane12345 isn’t so catchy. Neither is your name and year you were born. Shirley90210 or a bunch of numbers that don’t mean anything won’t catch his eye. The key to creating a successful profile name is to be descriptive. When I created my first Internet dating screen name years ago, I selected “Pianobaby,” because I had a baby grand piano and enjoyed playing. Using this screen name caught eyes of men who liked music. More often-than-not, they’d ask why I chose the name, if I went to music school, and what my favorite song was to play on the piano. By creating this fun and flirty screen name, it made it easy for someone to start a conversation.
If you love yoga, make sure you put it in your profile. It will send the message that you take care of your mind and body and perhaps someone will ask you to join them at the yoga studio for a date.
2. Post Great Photos
I’ve found from working on profiles for the past two decades, that the magic number of photos to post in your profile is three to five. If you post anything less, a potential date might think you’re not serious or might be hiding something. Anything more, I recommend posting it on your social media sites such as Instagram and Facebook. By posting a handful of photos, it’s enough to pique his or her curiosity, while leaving them wanting to see more of you.
Of these photos, the primary shot needs to be a close up, smiling, wearing an outfit with a solid color such as red for women and blue for men. Red is my favorite color for women as it’s the color of passion, love and romance. It also happens to be the color of the stop sign, so a man’s natural instinct will be to stop to see your profile photo.
Which photos should you ditch on your dating profile? Selfies don’t make you look your best and posting a photo with your puppy dog will make him or her assume you sleep in bed with your four-legged friend. What will they think? They’ll assume there’s no room for them in your life.
Are you thinking of posting group party shots? If so, think again. A man has a split second to decide whether to write you or take a pass. If he can’t figure out immediately which girl he’d be going on a date with, he’ll move to the next profile.
Remember to toss away the sunglasses shots so it doesn’t appear that you’re hiding anything and please don’t wear a bikini unless you’re looking for a hook-up. It looks like lingerie with a different material
3. Leave the Novel at Home
Online dating profiles should be brief. My recommended word count its 125 – 150 words on a traditional dating profile and two sentences on a mobile app. Viewing a long-winded profile is painful for someone to consider. You’ll have plenty of time to send emails back and forth and talk about interesting things on your dates.
4. Leave the drama behind
I know you realize that talking about your ex is an off-limits subject, but for some reason it becomes the default conversation topic. If there’s a box to check to state that you’re divorced, that should be enough. There’s no need to say that your divorce was just final after three years of divorce court, that your ex doesn’t support you, or that he’s a deadbeat dad.
If you’ve had a recent breakup, don’t mention it. It’s time to start fresh with a smile on your face and please don’t talk about money problems. Believe it or not, many do.
5. Don’t be a Debbie or Donnie Downer
Some singles take the time make long lists of what they don’t want in a partner. I’ve seen comments such as, “Don’t contact me if you don’t have a great job, live more that 20 miles away, don’t want children, or if you have any addictions.” The only words your potential date will see is, “don’t contact me.” I you do, I promise you, they won’t.
6. Do ask questions
One of my best pieces of advice is to ask a question in your profile. This gives a potential date the icebreaker on how to write to you. It’s simple but it works. You ask, they answer.
Here’s an example:
I like to hiking and on weekends, I hike Paseo Miramar in the Santa Monica mountains, but haven’t hiked Franklin Canyon yet. What about you?
If he or she is into hiking, you just might get a hiking date put on the calendar.
7. Don’t Become an Online Dating Addict
When you meet someone online and click offline, take a chance and take your profile down in good faith to see where the relationship will go. After a few dates, you should be able to determine if you’d like to consider a relationship with him or her. Don’t sneak around with a hidden profile because one of his or her friends will bust you and you won’t be happy if you get dumped by someone you really liked. Remember the reason you went online was to meet someone offline. While it’s tempting to keep checking your email at night to see who else is interested in you, you might not be giving that special someone the chance you both deserve.
At the end of the digital day, the need to love and be loved is so powerful and universal. Online dating and mobile dating apps help you meet more people more efficiently. Isn’t it time for you to ride off into the sunset?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com where she creates Irresistible Profiles for singes on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
As an online dating expert and coach, I know that finding love online often results in starting a long-distance relationship and becoming attached, even falling in love before you’ve had the chance to meet in person. If this is your current relationship status, you may have the chance to be on a television show!
Have you been in an online relationship for a while, but never met in person? Have you been in a whirlwind LDR relationship for the past few years? Are there things in your past that you haven’t admitted? Have you decided that now is the time to meet no matter what?
The Oxygen Network is now casting a groundbreaking new show that takes long distance relationships to the next level.
The show will follow couples currently in long distance relationships who have NEVER MET in person. They will document the first time they meet, and all of the events that follow. Each couple will meet their significant others’ family and friends, and get a peak into their everyday life. The show will explore some of the issues their relationship maybe going through and help them tackles these problems.
With video chatting, extensive phone calls and texting, long distance relationships may sometimes go longer than they should. Enough is enough – it’s time to meet your significant other and bring your relationship to the next level.
The network will cover all expenses necessary to bring couples together and a stipend for your time. They look forward to sharing touching stories of people who are in love but, for whatever reason, you haven’t yet been able to connect with that special person face-to-face. This is not “Catfish” – they are looking for genuine couples, with legitimate obstacles.
They’re looking for the type of couple that falls asleep together while on Skype or FaceTime. If this is you, they would love to enable you to overcome the physical boundaries and help you to finally connect with the one that you love.
Please go to www.meetyouronlinelove.com and apply now!
For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira
You’re invited to a fun event in Los Angeles to be held at the Santa Monica Public Library on July 19, 2015.
Online Dating Expert Julie Spira will be signing copies of her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and author Mark Miller will be signing copies of his book, 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars.
The event will start at 2pm and will include a lively “He Said, She Said” debate on which gender has it tougher in the dating world; men or women. We’ll be answering your juicy questions on digital dating, who pays for dates, texting, and more.
We’ll be joined by media expert Michael Levine and Ukulele chanteuse Janet Klein to entertain you. It will be a fun and hilarious event. We look forward to seeing you there.
Every year on July 6th, singles and couples will have a good excuse to become more romantic and flirty for this annual holiday. It’s time to get creative, both on the lips and in the desired location of that memorable kiss.
In honor of International Kissing Day, our friends at online dating site Zoosk conducted a survey of 3500 singles in the United States to find out everything you need to know about kissing. From air kisses to French kisses, find out the most popular styles of kissing and the biggest turn-offs for a bad kiss.
According to the survey, most singles have dated a bad kisser. With 73% of the singles polled claiming they’ve been stuck in a bad kissing situation, know that you’re not alone when you meet a kisser with the slobbering tongue, bad breath, or the one who kisses with his or her mouth closed.
Speaking of closed, the Zoosk survey showed that 83% of singles do prefer to kiss with their eyes closed as compared to wide-open.
Music and romance do go hand-in-hand, so it’s natural that those surveyed had some favorite make-out songs. The top selections included “Could I Have This Kiss Forever?” by Whitney Houston & Enrique Iglesias, as well as “A Kiss From a Rose” by Seal and “Blow Me One Last Kiss” by Pink.
French kissing, surprisingly enough is more popular in the United States than in France. According to the survey, 46% of Americans prefer the French kiss as compared to 21% of those kissing in France.
Where do couples want to memorialize their kiss? The beach came in as the top choice with 30% of the votes, followed by kissing in the car, by a roaring fireplace, and on a carriage ride in Central Park in New York City.
If you’re away from your sweetheart, remember to send a few digital hugs and kisses XOXO’s via text on your mobile phone to celebrate International Kissing Day. Remember that a goodbye kiss can be more important than the hello kiss and leave a wonderful memory to the end of your date.
What’s your kissing style? Do you have your own kissing dos and don’ts? A dream spot for that first kiss?
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter
We’re jumping for joy at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters to be featured on Cosmopolitan this week. We know breakups really suck. We know we can’t help but obsess about our ex, especially if they’ve already moved on with someone new.
Still, in order for us to move on to find a healthier relationship, we’ve got to stop thinking about him or her, knock them off the pedestal, because there is a reason you broke up, right? It’s time to fall in love with your self, mourn the loss and we’re here to help you.
Many thanks to Frank Kobola from Cosmo who reached out to include is in his article, 7 Signs the Way You’re Dealing with Your Breakup is Unhealthy.
If you’re taking your breakup too hard, read these tips so you can speed up your recovery.
From reaching out to your girlfriend network to support you without draining them, to stalking his or her Facebook and Instagram accounts, Frank’s article gives you all the ammunition you need to wash your ex out of your life.
Full article on Cosmopolitan.com
Fourth of July is around the corner, so if you’re feeling like your relationship status should be called a “dud” or if it’s really complicated, don’t accept your ho-hum love life. It’s time to ignite some fireworks and kick-off the summer holiday!
At Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters, we’ve decided to help you ramp up your search with a wonderful 20% HOLIDAY Savings! But we’re only limiting this offer to TEN lucky people from now until Sunday night, July 5th.
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TOTALLY IN LOVE – Our most POPULAR package includes a brand new Irresistible Profile PLUS 30 days of unlimited email/text support. We know the first 30 days with your brand new profile are the most important. We’re here to answer any questions from what to wear on your date to help you craft emails to doing a Digital Matchmaker search for you!
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With Fourth of July around the corner and on a weekend as well, it’s time to start thinking about fun things to do with your date.
This year, Friday is the official start of the three day weekend, so start thinking about fireworks online and offline and check out ten of the best summertime first date ideas that won’t break the bank, nor will it put too much pressure on a date with someone new.
Happy dating and enjoy the sunshine all summer long.
1. Ride the Ferris Wheel.
Go to an amusement park and ride the Ferris Wheel or even the roller coaster, if you dare.
2. Find a free outdoor concert.
Bring a picnic meal and a blanket and take in the sounds of local artists. Some museums and parks actually have well-known musicians.
3. Watch an outdoor movie.
While drive-in theaters have become obsolete, the trend of watching movies on a big screen at a shopping center or local park has become all the rage.
Make sure to go grocery shopping together to spice up the date. Cooking together can be filled with laughter. Don’t forget to pick up chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers to make s’mores for dessert.
5. Go on a bike ride.
Make it more memorable by renting a bicycle built for two! Remember to take photos and of course, ask for permission before posting to Instagram.
6. Take a Beach Yoga Class.
Yoga is sexy on a date. Remember to bring your sunscreen. If you don’t live near a beach, check out the many outdoor classes in a park.
7. Take a cooking Class.
Stores such as Sur le Table nationwide have cooking classes on their calendar. If you can’t find one near you, check out the local universities and colleges or a MeetUp group for foodies.
8. Snack at the Food Trucks.
Many neighborhoods have a food truck day. Find out which day or night they’ll be parked in your neighborhood. From the healthy green truck to a spicy Mexican cuisine, there’s a favorite truck for every type of palate.
9. Go to a baseball game.
It’s the season for America’s favorite past time. Nibble on peanuts and Cracker Jack and enjoy the 7th inning stretch. Check the MLB.com website for dates and times. Not in a baseball city, find a minor league game near you.
10. Go to a zoo.
It’s fun to feed the animals at the zoo Take it a step further and walk into the petting zoo and spend time with the llamas and sheep.
Don’t forget to memorialize your fun outdoor date by snapping photos. Who knows, you just might end up with a nice kiss at the end of the date to add to your digital memory book.
Are you headed to Silicon Beach Fest in Marina del Rey, CA this week?
If so, it will be a fun and informative few days filled with speakers on technology, social media, funding, and more on June 24 – 27th at the Marina del Rey Hotel.
On Thursday, June 25, 2015, Cyber-Dating Expert founder Julie Spira and Three Day Rule Founder Talia Goldstein will be hosting a workshop called, Make Your Online Profile Irresistible.
You’ll learn all the latest tips and dos and don’ts for your business profiles as well as other social media profiles and online dating profiles.
Plus: We’ll have GlamSquad and a photographer on hand to snap a new photo for you for your profile.
The panel will be held in the workshop room from 3pm – 4:15pm.
Learn how to make your online profile to be more irresistible on both dating services and work-related sites (because people check both!) at this hands-on workshop with dating expert Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and Talia Golstein, founder of Three Day Rule. Learn what photos to use, what to say in your description, and what kind of things you should be posting about to increase your dating attractability while still being professional, on services including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Match, Tinder, Grindr, and more. Bring your phone and get ready to edit your description and change your profile pic.
– Julie Spira, Cyber-Dating Expert, CEO
– Talia Goldstein, Three Day Rule, Founder and CEO
Julie Spira is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert where she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. She is the go-to person in the media for online dating advice and has appeared in/on over 600 news stories including ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, NBC, Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health, Women’s Heath and New York Times. She is quoted in the June issue of Women’s Health with her online dating advice
Talia Goldstein is the CEO and Founder of Three Day Rule, a personalized Matchmaking company backed by Match.com. An expert matchmaker with hundreds of success stories, Talia has created 3 matching algorithms, and has been featured on CNN, USA Today, Time, CBS, PBS, Newsweek, Huffington Post, NPR, People, Pando Daily, Maxim, GQ, TMZ, Cosmopolitan & more. She was named to Story Exchange’s Power List of Female Entrepreneurs in 2015, and was in DigitalLA’s Top 50 Digital Women in 2015.
From gift-giving to should you be joining your guy on Father’s Day, here are five dating and relationship tips to honor the dad your adore in your life.
1. New Relationship – If your relationship is new and you haven’t met his kids yet, let him enjoy the day alone with them. It’s not time to introduce the new girlfriend to the relationship. Remember to send a sweet text message in the morning wishing him a “Happy Father’s Day.” He’ll appreciate that you care enough to acknowledge the day and aren’t making the day all about you or the relationship status.
2. Already Met His Kids – If you’ve already met his kids and don’t have children of your own, have a conversation about how he wants to spend the day. He may or may not want to include you in the day if he’s concerned about his own time with his kids, so don’t take it personally. Offer to celebrate Father’s Day with him separately by suggesting making a home cooked dinner the night before as a “date night” or by giving him tickets to his favorite sporting or concert event for him and his children to go to together.
3. Blending the Families – If you have children of your own, don’t insist on blending the families if your children won’t be with their father or suggest splitting the time on Father’s Day between two families. Everyone will feel a bit left out with half of a celebration. Go ahead and let your date know you respect his time with his children and make other plans with your kids and go to a movie. Father’s Day is still a day to celebrate the mother in their life.
4. Gift-Giving – Don’t go buying him an extravagant gift if your relationship is new, give him a photo montage of just the two of you, or suggest going away for a romantic weekend trip. He might feel overwhelmed if you haven’t become serious or “Facebook Official” yet and could withdraw from the relationship into that man cave of his. Instead, send him an iTunes musical CD if he loves music from his favorite band, or send a fun e-card. I’m a big fan of JibJab filled with cute and whimsical animated music cards. It’s the thought that matters.
5. Don’t Assume You’re Included – If you’ve met his kids and see them on a regular basis, ask your guy if he wants to be alone with them on Father’s Day. Then ask him to talk about it with his children to see if they’d like to go out as a group or just with their dad. Maybe they will go golfing or bowling during the day and you can meet them later on for a barbecue. His kids will appreciate that you consider their feelings on the day that they celebrate their dad.
Remember, single dads are really interested in meeting women who want to share time with their children, at an appropriate time. Match reports that single dads are 56% more likely to email single moms than men without children. Eventually if your relationship progresses, you’ll be blending the families on his weekends, but don’t rush into it just yet.
How are you planning on celebrating Father’s Day this year?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates irresistible profiles and coaches singles on the dating scene. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice. Interested in improving your odds on Tinder? Check out SwipingRight to help you find your dream date.
In this episode of Words,Wine and Women, Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker Julie Spira teaches Tara the attorney and Beth the single mom digital dating tips on what to post in their profiles when starting Internet dating and using mobile dating apps for the first time.
Watch this episode if you think the following:
1. If you’re looking for a commitment and only dog-lovers apply.
2. You think there are only creeps online.
3. You want to feel safe with Internet dating.
4. You’re not sure which sites to try.
5. You aren’t sure what types of photos to post.
6. You need help in creating a buddy system.
7. You need tips on what to talk about on a date.
Find out the difference between all of the many dating sites now.
Are you ready to have an Irresistible Online Dating Profile to attract your dream date?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has appeared in over 600 news stories with her online dating advice. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.