Listen to the Peter Tilden Show on KABC Radio in Los Angeles, with solo guest host Lisa Guerrero, who asked me to join in to help her navigate the waters of Tinder dating. Lisa said she is happily married, so she’s not a part of the Tinder generation and mobile dating apps. It was a fun and interesting conversation.
Some of the questions about online dating and mobile dating included:
LISA: Vanity Fair wrote a juicy recent article on Tinder and the hookup culture. What in the world is a tinder hookup culture and why is it ruining romance?
JULIE: Some people think it’s ruining romance, but it comes down to everyone’s swiping. We’re living in a swiping world. Everyone is swiping right and left on Tinder as a “hot or not” like a game to keep playing.
LISA: So someone gets this app and through this app they can see their picture and decide whether to swipe right or left and decide to connect with that person or dump them. Apparently what this Is this generation hooking up?
JULIE: It’s easier to hook up because you go onto your mobile phone, a location-based app. You can find someone a few miles away and boom you’ve got a date.
LISA: In the VF story it’s reported 100 million people are using mobile apps with 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day.
JULIE: It’s huge. The numbers are enormous. Just because they are swiping doesn’t mean they’re meeting IRL. If you don’t take your relationship offline, you just have a digital pen-pal or someone you’re texting with.
LISA: So Julie, if I’m on a bar and I’m single, I can see the possibilities of people who want to
JULIE: As long as you’re a mutual match. If I swipe right, the guy’s got to swipe right too and then you get a push notification that you have a mutual match and can start sending texts to each other.
LISA: This is based simply on links. Your only impression of the person is their picture, right?
JULIE: For men, it’s based on looks and they don’t even read the profile. They just keep swiping right as it’s a numbers game. Women tend to be more methodical. They look at profiles before they decide to swipe right or left.
LISA: Back in the olden dates, things moved really slow. You went on dates and went from first-base to second-base. What I’m understanding on Tinder, if that a guy is interested he sends [naked] picks. Julie do you think this is a short term way of meeting people or can you find a long term relationship?
JULIE: A lot of people looking for a relationship are also going on Tinder.
There will always be people looking to hookup and always people looking for love. They’re both playing in the same digital playground now.
KABC producer Miriam tried Tinder for 2 weeks to get an idea for the sake of the show. She shared with us her experience that if you swipe to the right is yes, swipe to the left is a loser.
“It’s really scary what these guys are putting on their profiles. They really are looking to hook up. They’re specific in their chats,” she said. Miriam wanted to meet specifically for a coffee date with a guy. Then he says, “Why don’t you meet me at my apartment.
For the rest of the radio segment, click below.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of the Internet. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and from the convenience of mobile dating apps. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your Tinder dating stories.
MATT: I met my girlfriend on Tinder.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘Wow, that relationship must be solid if you met on a site like Tinder.’ Frankly, I don’t blame you. Up until about six months ago, I would have responded the exact same way. But Allee and I are living proof that you can find love on Tinder.
Before signing up in January of this year, I had never used any online dating sites, so you can probably imagine my skepticism. I had moved to Los Angeles only three months prior, and to that point had been wildly unsuccessful with dating. I’ve always been a gregarious, outgoing guy, and as a professional journalist and former TV and radio reporter, I’ve never thought myself to be lacking in the charisma department, so conventional ways of meeting people seemed to me much more opportune and much less shallow than some mobile app that asks you to judge someone based on your first impression of a photo.
I quickly found myself addicted to swiping in directions both left and right, and even more so to seeing the words “It’s A Match!” flash across my screen. When I first saw Alexandra (Allee) on Tinder, I’ll admit, I swiped right because I thought she was sexy. I swiped right, but got no response in the days that followed. During that time, I went out with a couple of girls, also from Tinder, but none that made me think “Wow, she’s girlfriend material.” Maybe a week after I had first swiped right, I got a notification saying that Alexandra and I matched.
I’m not sure why, but a voice in my head said ‘Message her! Now, you idiot!” I took a quick glance at her profile, which began “Independent. Sales Secretary. Sass queen.” I led with this:
Over the days that followed, Allee and I messaged constantly via Tinder. We would message each other ‘Good morning!’ every day before work and “Goodnight!’ every night before bed. I explained to Allee that I was unsure what I was looking for, because my previous girlfriend had left me abruptly, after a three year relationship, so she could explore other options in men. Allee told me she had reservations as well, because she’d been taken advantage of many times in the past. Despite my skepticism, there was something inexplicably magnetic about her personality, and I knew I had to at least give it a shot.
We continued to text and eventually made plans for dinner and a movie the following weekend, just before Valentine’s Day. Doing my best to quell my nerves when I arrived at the front door, I knocked and was greeted by a stunning, curvy blonde with a bright smile, kind eyes, and an infectious laugh. We were able to skip most of the formalities and awkwardness, since despite it being our first meeting, I felt like I knew so much about her from texting back and forth in the days prior.
The plan was to hit my preferred sushi joint, but as my luck would have it, the restaurant was closed for a private party. After having a laugh at my expense, we found a suitable substitute and bonded over our love of raw fish and Bradley Cooper films, and I regressed to a high school kid with butterflies in his stomach when she laid her head on my shoulder during the movie. We shared our first kiss that night on her doorstep. We made plans to meet again the following weekend, and went out on an impromptu Valentine’s Day date for Italian food and The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (which we obviously loved).
Allee and I have now been together for more than half a year. We see each other several times a week, and enjoy going to baseball games, eating sushi, and going on hikes around L.A. with Allee’s German Shepard, Hazel. Allee is a thoughtful, selfless, hilarious, and generous woman. She makes me want to be the best version of myself but wouldn’t change a thing about me if you asked her. I often ask myself (and sometimes her too) what I did to deserve this. We’re incredibly happy together, and while no one can predict the future, we are planning to be that way for the foreseeable future.
The moral of the story? You never know unless you swipe (right).
Congratulations to Matt and Allee on finding their match on Tinder.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps them find love on Tinder with SwipingRight.com. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
The article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.
The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.
From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.
As a guest on AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.
To listen to the rebroadcast, click here
Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
In the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.
In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.
The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.
We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.
Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.
The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.
As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.
If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”
So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.
We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.
So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.
I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.
It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.
To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo
Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
It was fun being on the Boris and Nicole show talking about the popularity of online dating and mobile dating apps. Nicole was talking about how difficult it was for her single friends looking for love online, and Boris was talking about being “Tenderized.”
Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
With 10 million matches a day, there are many men that suffer from over-swiping to the point that they think they’ve just swiped left in error on the fresh face that could be their dream girl.
If you’re not a member of Tinder Plus, where you can go back and swipe right to the last profile, we’ve got help for you.
We have a fun service at Cyber-Dating Expert called Swiping Right. With Swiping Right, we manage your expectations, help you have a rocking Tinder profile, and show you tips on how to swipe right without getting into a swiping frenzy and ending up with “Swipe Regret.”
You see we know how addictive Tinder can be. We know that when you post photos of a gorilla as your primary shot, you’re trying to be a funny guy. We know that women can’t imagine being in bed with the hairy gorilla, so you won’t be getting many matches. We know you like to show off that muscle when you’re working out at the gym, but women think you’re showing off and will swipe left.
So when you see the digital girl of your dreams, pause. Look at all of her photos. Read her bio. Take the time to see which friends you have in common and swipe right. There’s no guarantee she’ll swipe right as well, but if she does, make sure your introduction message says anything but, “hey.” After all, women know that horses hang out in hay. Avoid “you’re hot,” even if she’s the hottest and prettiest girl on your mobile phone. It sends the message that you’re looking for a booty call and she’ll probably swipe left.
What should you do if you swipe left in error? Learn to take your time and contact us so we can help you with Swiping Right to find your dream girl on Tinder.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and helps singles find love online through her Irresistible Profiles Programs and teaches men and women how to swipe right for love on Tinder.
In a recent segment on Huff Post Live, we talked about singles 50+ using mobile dating apps to find love, companionship and more.
In a video clip, I stated:
“Singles over 50 have embraced mobile dating apps. They’ve seen their children, friends and neighbors find love online and if they find themselves alone due to the loss of a spouse, loss of a partner, through death or divorce, the loss of a spouse through death or divorce, it’s a terrific way to build your self esteem and fill your date card.
We know the need for companionship is so, so strong, especially as we age. If you’re finding yourself alone, grab your mobile phones and start swiping right so you can find your one in 40 million.”
What the post-50 crowd really thinks of dating apps on Huff Post Live in this full video segment.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. To learn how to master mobile dating apps, check out our Swiping Right program and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
It was a joy and pleasure to be a guest on Larry King Now, with guest host Katherine Schwarzenegger on the topic of mobile dating, Tinder, online dating, and dating in the Digital Age.
In the full segment, “Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age,” I was joined by Grant Langston from eHarmony, Psychologist Rob Weiss, and Johnny Drubel.
From how many photos to put on your profile to finding love and hooking up, watch Katherine and I discuss the segment below:
Expert Opinion: How to Create Your Best Dating Profile
Full interview: Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age
In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a reader has a huge dilemma. Her partner thinks she’s looking for other options on Tinder, when she knows she hasn’t been using the mobile app. Did she get busted or did technology get the worst of the situation?
We moved into a house together and we met via Tinder.
He received a message from his friend saying he saw my Tinder account saying that I was active three days ago. It was a shock to my partner and myself as the day I was ‘supposedly’ on Tinder was the day I spent four hours driving around and moving into the new house and the rest of the day I had a dead mobile phone due to using all the battery on the GPS.
Is there any type of way that my Tinder profile could say I was active when I wasn’t using it as it is quite hard to prove that I was not on it?
The Tinder app was uninstalled on my phone months ago and I have not downloaded it recently, so I am wondering if there is any way that something could have happened to make it ‘active’ when I had not used it? My partner and I had had a few fights last week but as I explained to him when we have arguments I straight away confront him and try to sort it out on the spot so we sort it out and don’t have to be angry or upset. He believes me because he knows that is what I do and that I’m not the type of person to go and download a dating app due to a few small fights. So I am in need of some help with explaining how my profile was active when I wasn’t using it. I know I didn’t go on it and he also believes me but we do both think it suspicious that my tinder account says it was active 3 days ago.
I’m sorry for your Tinder dilemma, but am glad to hear you met someone special on their mobile app.
Having a partner think you’re looking for options when you’re moving forward in your relationship can make anyone feel uncomfortable.
Often mobile apps run in the background on different mobile phones.
As I don’t work for Tinder, I don’t know exactly what happened in your case.
If you removed the app from your phone, it’s still considered an active app and you will appear in searches as a potential match.
The only way for you not to to appear in a search, is if you completely deactivate your Tinder profile. Removing it from your phone just isn’t enough.
Remember, if you permanently delete your account, all of your matches and communications will disappear. In this case, it’s probably a good thing.
I think both of you should go through this exercise together in an effort to move forward in good faith.
1. Download the Tinder app again on your phone.
2. Open the app and click on the gear in the upper left hand corner.
3. Click on “App settings.”
4. Scroll down and click “Delete Account.”
5. You’ll see a message that will say “Account successfully deleted.”
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and helps singles by creating their Irresistible Profiles. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating and mobile dating advice and join in the conversation for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET.
Need help with Tinder? Check out our Swiping Right service to maximize your Tinder profile and experience.
We’ve heard about the upcoming launch of Tinder Plus for months now and it’s finally launching, as reported in TechCrunch. So far, it’s been tested in the UK, Brazil, and Germany.
So what will the difference be for Tinder users and are YOU willing to pay $9.99 a month if you’re under 30 and $19.99 for if you’re 30 and over, for the added bonus of being able to rewind your last swipe if you accidentally swiped left instead of right? Will you start receiving limited matches with the free version? Some of these questions are unknown, but here’s what we do know for now.
The new Tinder Plus has some added features including:
1. Rewind – Have you ever swiped so fast that you swiped left on a profile and have had swipe-regret? I hear from men all the time frustrated with the lost profile. Now you can get that digital crush back with the hopes of finding a mutual match.
2. Change your location – Great if you’d like to connect with people before you travel. The free version is location-based, so you’ll have to arrive at your location to date on the fly. You can also expand your radius and cast a wider net.
3. Advertising free – Since Tinder Plus will be advertising free, you can assume the standard Tinder app will be filled with ads before you know it. This is their way of monetizing their millions of users on both the free app and Tinder Plus for a fee.
4. Unlimited Likes – You can like profiles, photos, and more to add to your swiping fun. After all, it is a game.
Tinder is expected to be an in-app experience, so you won’t have to download another version of Tinder Plus to upgrade your service.
Other free sites such as OkCupid offer a premium service called A List, which allows you to browse anonymously, get read receipts for emails, and change your user name, among other features.
RELATED: SWIPING RIGHT FOR LOVE
Here’s a fun video to watch about some expected features. The question is, will Tinder still be fun and easy to use? Will you pay $9.99 a month or more to change your experience or will you stay on the free version?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET. Julie helps singles find love online and from the convenience of their mobile phones. For more information on our Swiping Right program to help you find love on Tinder, click here.