I’ve been thinking about Dolly Parton since the heartbreaking news of her passing. With Dolly, it seemed every message came from the heart.
Alongside the heartbreak, the music, and the memories, I kept seeing versions of the same sentiment across the news and social media:
If only there were more people like Dolly in the world.
It’s easy to understand why. Dolly Parton was one of those rare people who seemed to make everyone feel good simply by being her authentic self. Beyond being a successful writer, producer, actor, and musical performer, she was funny, generous, warm, and unmistakably genuine.
Dolly could be glamorous without taking herself too seriously. Strong without becoming hardened. Independent and ambitious while still making enormous room in her life for love.
And perhaps that’s why, as someone who has spent much of my career thinking, writing, and advising about dating and relationships, I find myself constantly thinking about Dolly, not only as an entertainer, but as someone who left us some beautiful lessons about how to love.
While Dolly’s nearly six-decade marriage to Carl Dean was a relationship largely lived away from cameras, along the way, she taught us a few things, and some of her own words feel especially meaningful to many.
1. Be interested in who someone really is
When Dolly remembered meeting her future husband outside the laundromat in Nashville, she recalled something surprisingly simple:
“He seemed to be genuinely interested in finding out who I was.”
She was 18. He was 21. Two years later, they were married.
Of all the things she could have remembered about the man who’d become her husband, I love that she remembered how he made her feel seen. That still matters.
We spend so much time in dating thinking about chemistry, attraction, profiles, photos, income, height, and whether someone checks all the boxes. But Dolly reminded us that one of the greatest forms of intimacy is curiosity.
Curiosity shows up in the little things. Does this person ask questions instead of only talking about themselves? Do they genuinely listen? Do they want to know what makes you laugh, what matters to you, what scares you, what excites you, and who you are when no one else is watching?
Being wanted is wonderful. Being truly understood is something deeper.
2. Love someone without trying to change them
Dolly and her husband were famously different.
She once said: “We’re completely opposite, but that’s what makes it fun.”
Dolly became one of the most recognizable women on the planet, and he preferred privacy at home. Yet, Dolly often spoke about the respect they had for each other’s independence in a marriage where they loved and supported one another while still living separate, individual lives.
There’s an important love lesson in that.
Compatibility doesn’t mean becoming identical.
The person you love doesn’t have to enjoy every party you enjoy, share every hobby or activity, have all the same friends, or insist on the same kind of day you do.
Strong relationships leave room for individuality. Love isn’t finding someone you can turn into a mirror image of yourself. Instead, it’s finding someone whose differences you can respect, and whose life you can support while still living your own.
3. Never lose your sense of humor
When Dolly talked about her husband, one quality came up repeatedly. Dolly said he made her laugh. She described him as having a “great and warped sense of humor,” and talked about how humor kept disagreements from becoming bigger than they needed to be.
Dolly understood the power of laughter better than almost anyone. Friends and fans watched her laugh at her hair, her clothes, her image, and herself in general.
And she once said, “I love it that people can laugh at my expense. I laugh at my expense.”
That ability to find humor without cruelty may be one of the most underrated qualities in a relationship. Attraction matters. Romance matters. But when you’re choosing someone to share a life with, don’t underestimate the person who makes you laugh, especially on the days life gives you very little to laugh about.
4. Little rituals matter
Dolly and Carl’s marriage was hardly a Hollywood love story in the conventional sense. Their private time together was often remarkably ordinary. They owned an RV, enjoyed home cooking, picnics, and quiet afternoons.
Dolly once said: “We really enjoy each other when we’re together.“
Singles craving love can become so focused on grand romantic gestures that they forget what relationships are made of.
Some of the daily rituals worth protecting:
• A cup of coffee together
• A phone call because someone wanted to hear your voice
• Remembering their favorite dessert
• Holding hands
• Making dinner together
• Turning toward each other at the end of a long day with a hug and a smile
Romance doesn’t always arrive with dozens of roses. Sometimes love looks wonderfully ordinary. And sometimes those ordinary moments become the ones we treasure most.
5. Know who you are, own it, and don’t apologize
Dolly Parton was one-of-a-kind.
And she said, “Figure out who you are. Then do it on purpose.”
Dolly didn’t seem interested in becoming more restrained, less ambitious, less glamorous, or less herself to satisfy someone else’s idea of who she should be. And her husband apparently never needed her to.
That may be one of the most important lessons for anyone dating today.
We spend far too much time asking, Will they like me? Instead, we should also ask, Do I like who I am and how I feel when I’m with them?
In romance, there’s no reason to become quieter, smaller, less accomplished, or less enthusiastic about your life to hold onto someone. The right relationship gives you room to be yourself.
In a world that constantly encourages us to edit and filter ourselves, there was something wonderfully refreshing about a woman who showed up unmistakably as Dolly.
6. Lead with love and kindness
Of all Dolly’s love lessons, this may be the one people are talking about most. She gave away books to children by the millions. She supported causes without demanding recognition. She made people from very different backgrounds feel welcome.
Her philosophy was simple: “I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile, give ’em yours.”
That simplicity applies to dating too.
When you’re interested, be kind. When you’re not, be kind. Don’t ghost someone because it’s easier than explaining why you’re not a fit and wishing them well. Don’t play guessing games to make someone feel anxious. Don’t treat the person on the other side of a dating profile as disposable.
There’s always another match a swipe away, but there’s only one of them. Be kind.
And when you do love someone, don’t let fear get in the way. Be vulnerable and let them know how you feel.
There will always be another dating app, match, or swipe. There will never be another human being exactly like the one you’ve matched with.
7. Trust what you see
Dolly put this one plainly: “When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.”
It’s one of the simplest and most ignored pieces of dating advice there is.
Someone’s actions and their consistency will always tell you more than their words do. Notice how they treat a server, a stranger, or someone who can’t do anything for them. That’s who they really are.
Believe what you see the first time, and don’t spend months trying to talk yourself out of it.
Maybe We Could All Be a Little More Like Dolly
I think Dolly’s passing has felt so personal to so many people who never actually knew her because she made people feel better about the world.
Dolly made us laugh. She gave generously, loved deeply, and stayed curious.
She showed us that you could be strong and soft, glamorous and grounded, successful and still remain true to yourself. And through it all, she remained unmistakably Dolly.
So perhaps the best way to remember Dolly isn’t just to play her music. Instead, let’s carry a little of what she represented into the way we treat each other.
Maybe the lesson is even simpler than that: show up with warmth, make room for laughter, and leave people feeling better than you found them.
Maybe that’s why so many people are saying the same thing right now:
The world could use a little more Dolly.
Thank you, Dolly, for the music, the laughter, the generosity, and the love lessons we’ll carry with us.
Julie Spira is the Digital Matchmaker® and America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning certified dating coach who's been helping singles find their perfect match for over three decades. Follow @JulieSpira on IG and @digitalmatchmaker on TikTok.
Loved reading your insightful words … Dolly was a rare being in that she seemed to have touched everyone of us in a favorable way so that some aspect of her being rubbed off on us all and carries us forward in a more meaningful positive way … thanks for sprinkling us all with your sparkly fairy dust Dolly. Karen Barone
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