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What Do I Do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day?

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a single woman is feeling anxious because the guy she’s dating hasn’t asked her out yet for Valentine’s Day. Here’s her question and our answer.

Dear Julie,

I met this great guy online and we’ve gone out on five dates since the New Year. I really like him and we haven’t discussed dating exclusively yet, but I’ve seen him the past two Saturday nights, so I really think I’m becoming his girlfriend.

Should I be worried that he didn’t ask me out yet for Valentine’s Day? It’s next week, so what is he waiting for? Would it be wrong of me to bring it up first? Maybe he was focused on football, but that game is over and I really want to spend Valentine’s with him.

What should I say or do?

Corrine

Dear Corrine,

First of all, congratulations on meeting a great guy online. January is one of the busiest months for online dating and lots of singles are joining dating sites as part of their New Year’s resolutions list.

You didn’t mention if both of you still have ACTIVE dating profiles up or not. I have a feeling you probably do, as if you haven’t had the talk about exclusivity or Valentine’s, he might assume you’re dating other people and he might be doing the same.

Believe it or not, most guys don’t like Valentine’s Day. They think it’s overrated, expensive, and would rather stay home and watch TV. However the romantic and smart ones will know that if they don’t ask you out on the biggest romance day of the week, they’ll be in the dog house and might not get a chance to continue dating you after the 14th. Is this harsh? I think it’s more a matter of tradition.

READ MORE: Why Valentine’s Day for Women is Like the Super Bowl for Men

So if you have a dating profile that’s still online and you’d like to see this guy exclusively and hopefully for Valentine’s Day, I urge you NOT to log on.  He and his friends don’t need to see that you’re busy scouring the Internet for potential dates.  How would you feel after a great date with this new guy, if you noticed that he went online right away? Probably not great.

So my best advice is, if you don’t want to date others and really like this guy, then don’t. Take your profile down if you like, but don’t let him know that you did this.  You should do it for yourself, not because you think he has to do the same. He’ll probably notice it, but a man needs to make the decision to be exclusive based on how he feels when he’s with you. If your dates are fun and light and you’re a joy to be around, he’ll notice those red candy boxes everywhere and will probably want to do something with you for Valentine’s Day.

Towards the end of this week, let him know that you really are traditional and love sharing Valentine’s Day with the person you’re dating. Stop and LISTEN to what he says. If he starts to pull back or changes the subject, it might mean he has made other plans. The best thing you could do is not get upset with him. If he asks you out for the 13th or the 15th, reply with, “Oh, I was hoping I’d be your Valentine.”

READ MORE: 7 TIPS TO GET LUCKY IN LOVE ON VALENTINE’S DAY

You’ve only gone out on five dates and that’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy when a relationship is so new. Buy him a cute card, or better yet, there are so many fun cards on JibJab, the animated card site, so send him a humorous card; not something that says, “I love you,” and see how he responds.

The bottom line is, he knows it’s Valentine’s Day, but might not know how special that day is for you. Rather than having him spend a lot of money on a fancy restaurant, why not suggest collaborating on an in-room-dining experience, where each one of you brings or makes a different dish. It’s a great way to bond in a relationship without all of the pressure.

Do you have a question for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been named the Best Dating Coach of the Year in the 2017 iDate Awards and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and facebook. SIGN up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia

8 Reasons She Didn’t Reply to Your Text

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowHi Cyber-Dating Expert,

Recently I met this girl and she gave me her number.

We started texting and calling each other. Then I called her one day and we talked for about 30 minutes, so I thought everything was great.

One day later I sent her a text and she didn’t write back (one day has passed since I texted her).

My question is should I text her back again or should I just forget her?

Read: Does Texting Make Your Dating Life Crazy

Dear Texting Guy,

To text, or not to text. That is always a big question we get from our readers who anxiously wait by their phone counting the digital minutes and seconds waiting for the chime sound of a text reply.

Take a deep breath. It’s only been one day since you sent a text that didn’t result in a reply from your new digital crush. While texting etiquette, or our Rules of Netiquettestate that you should reply within 24-hours to a text and most daters think any text that isn’t responded to in four hours means someone isn’t interested, often there are other circumstances which prevent a text reply right away.

Read: 5 Texting Tips to Help Improve Your Relationship

You see, lots of things can happen when you send a text. Here are a few reasons why she might not have written back.

1. Her battery ran out.

2. Her phone was turned off.

3. She was on an airplane or in a bad cell reception area.

4. She was at a movie or out with friends and decided she’d get back to you later and just forgot.

5. She’s playing hard to get.

6. She’s not interested in you romantically.

7. She’s got a boyfriend.

Of all of these scenarios, you can look at the first few and realize she was just busy and try texting her again. If she’s involved with someone, you’ll probably find out soon enough.

The point is, we can value ourselves based on a text message that wasn’t returned. What you can do is send a short, flirty, and fun text a day or two later saying, “Hey.. How’s your day going?” This low pressure text message which asks a question might result in her getting back to you and your banter can continue.

Video: Is Texting Preventing You From a Real Life Relationship

What I don’t want to see you do is text her 4, 5, 6, 7 times in one day, because as a guy, it’s your job to make her feel safe to be around you. If you continue to text her without a reply over-and-over again, she might block you or think you’re overanxious, or worse yet, may even think you’re a stalker.

Don’t be that guy, because every woman wants to be with a confident guy. We don’t like game playing when it comes to text messages, and genuinely love to hear from you, so stay on the digital radar. You can take it one step further and actually call her if you have something fun to invite her to.

Read: He Texts Me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

Do you have questions about your digital love life or need dating advice? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twiter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Should I Respond to Someone Without a Photo?

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

I met this guy online before the holidays and he seemed interested in me.

The conversation pleasant enough, but I’m a little creeped out about his recent message.

In this most recent one, he asked me, Have you been single long? What kind of men are you typically interested in?” He also never put up a photo of himself.

I’ve been single for longer than I really want to mention and I don’t really have a type, but I don’t want anyone super unattractive or unhealthy.

What do you think I should do?

~C

Dear C,

It’s great that you’re communicating with someone online.

When a guy posts a profile without a photo, he doesn’t really have all ten toes in.

While you’re concerned about how to respond to him, you actually don’t need to respond to him at all.

The questions he’s asked of you are generic questions. Sometimes guys just don’t know what to ask and are trying their best to open a digital dialog.

You don’t have to say how long you’ve been single to someone you’ve never met. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 3 months or 3 years. He’s single, you’re single and you’re both on a dating site.

If you feel uncomfortable, just don’t reply. If you’re still interested in getting to know him, ask him if he can post his photos so you can see who you are chatting with.

If he isn’t willing to do so, he just isn’t date ready. There are plenty of guys who are genuine and will post recent photos. Take your time and put your energies into a relationship that has the potential of turning into a pleasant date.

Keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

~Julie

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible dating profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie’s dating advice has appeared on eHarmony, JDate, Match.com, Zoosk, and on her columns on DatingAdvice.com, Examiner, and Huffington Post. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Holiday Dating – Everything you Need to Know

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to the holiday edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio show with dating experts Julie Spira and DeAnna Lorriane.

Julie and DeAnna talked about everything you need to know to find love during the holidays.

Holiday Parties: We suggested you have at least 2-3 dates before extending the invite. Cast a wide net and accept every invitation.

Holiday Gift Giving: Keep it simple. Don’t overwhelm someone you haven’t known for very long with an expensive piece of jewelry. A card, candy or flowers will make a nice impression.

Hanukkah Dating: Julie discussed her 8 Fun and Flirty Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah, including going on 8 dates a week, guilt them with gelt, the chocolate candy which is known to be an aphrodisiac, and nibbling on hot red latkes (potato pancakes).

Be Safe, Both Online and Offline: Make sure you meet your date in a public place, let a friend or buddy know where you are going, and don’t give out financial information

Be Organized: Don’t confuse Jenny with Jill or Richard with Ron. Both Julie and DeAnna recommend using an excel spreadsheet to keep your dates straight and watch your progress.

Remember, first impressions do matter. Listen to the show for all of our best dating advice for the holiday season. Make sure you have a terrific online dating profile and treat your quest to find love online no less than your search for your dream job.

Listen to internet radio with CyberDating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Don’t Date Him Girl’s Tasha Cunningham on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira on November 6, 2010, as she welcomes back Tasha Cunningham to Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio Show.

Tasha is the founder of Don’t Date Him Girl, a site with dating advice and where you can post details of the guys you need to warn other girls about.

She wrote her book to help single women bounce back from a bad breakup with tips and advice on how to be more confident in the dating world.

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/PT or join in on the live interactive chat room at BlogTalkRadio.com/CyberDatingExpert and learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyberdating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Cupid’s Coach

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

On Saturday, September 25, 2010 join Julie Spira as she welcomes Julie Ferman, Founder and President of Cupid?s Coach to Ask the?Cyber Dating Expert Radio Show.

Julie Ferman, named Matchmaker of the Year at the Internet Dating Conference, will share her dating tips and advice for singles looking for love online. ?She also recently appeared on NBC?s new dating show, ?The Match Off.”

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 10am/PT with your questions and to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyberdating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Dr. Romance on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where my guest Tina B. Tessina, known as Dr. Romance and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, provided her dating advice and relationship tips for those who are newly single.

You’ll hear some of our best tips including:

♥ When and how to introduce your children to your date

♥ How to spot a player and why he’s so tempting

♥ How to find happily ever after, safely on your favorite online site.

We talked about our favorite dating tips to help you find love on the Internet. Listen to the program to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Tina Tessina

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Join me on Saturday, July 10, 2010 as I welcome Tina Tessina, Ph.D, author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again
to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Tina has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live as well as being quoted in Cosmopolitan, Time, and?Newsweek with her dating and relationship advice.

Call in at 2pm/ET, 12pm/CT, 11am/PT at 646-929-0012 with your questions and to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Whitney Casey and Match.com on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Wow! All I can say is what an amazing show we had today for the Summer Season Premiere of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Match.com’s Relationship Insider Whitney Casey came armed full of dating advice for online dating success including:

  • How often you should change your headline
  • What to wear on your first online date
  • Why men love the scent of vanilla perfume over lilac and gardenias
  • How to introduce your children if you are a single parent
  • Why it’s important to state your intention if you’re looking for a serious relationship or a casual relationship
  • Off limits subjects such as money, politics, religion

We talked about lowering your expectations, why it’s a good idea for women should initiate contact or a wink and more.

Listen to the show to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-Dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

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